Romance Writer's Revenge: Feelin' Lucky

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Feelin' Lucky

8:01 PM | Posted by Sin | | Edit Post

I actually have a pair of sweatpants with "Feelin' Lucky" on the butt. I don’t wear them out of the house. I’d hate to have to explain to a police officer that he had it coming when he put his hand on my ass and said that I was about to be the lucky one.

Dream on, buddy.

Sort of like the sex instructor t-shirt. That doesn’t get worn out in public either for various reasons. Mostly because the last time I wore it, I forgot I had it on and a Carney midget (little person- I’m not sure what is preferred) solicited a good time with me because there were things he was sure as a sex instructor I needed to know.

Trust me; I think I’ve got the sex covered.

Coinwinkadinkaly, I’ve not been back to a county fair since.

Today is St. Patty’s day, and I’m not going to bore you with the details of the St. Patty’s day. (As far as I’m concerned, the only facts you need to know about today is that you should be in an Irish bar getting wasted and pretending you speak Gaelic.)

Getting lucky is what writing is all about. Writing is a lot of hard work and determination and heart break and soaring above the clouds. As a profession, we have a lot of personal ups and downs. Rationally if you look at the odds a writer faces- well, I’m not going to think about it. My odds of making it as an actual author depresses me. I like to think the more I believe in lady luck, the better my odds get at actually making it. Although, this would also entail actually finishing up my manuscript and getting out there.

That’s going to take some luck too.

Getting lucky isn’t always about scoring with the hot dude three doors down from you who always goes out into the hall to get his paper with just a towel wrapped around his waist and hair still damp from the shower, smelling like After Hours and begging to be licked dry.

(Sorry, I have to pause a second to let that just soak in. I have this thing for After Hours. It’s like breathing in liquid sex and sexy man all at the same time.)

We have the chance as writers to make our characters as lucky or unlucky as the situation we put them in. Kiki believes (mostly because it’s my belief) you have to make your own luck. You get yourself into a situation, you either need to be able to handle it or hope you have enough Karma to burn off to get you out of it.

Unfortunately, Kiki’s luck well has run dry.

I like being in charge. I’ve been bossy my entire life. Being in the driver’s seat of my world, of my story and characters gives me a chance to boss more people around.

I decide if Kiki gets out of the car.

I decide if Kiki survives all the messes she’s gotten herself into.

I decide if Kiki jumps Dex in the kitchen.

And I decide if any of those things brings consequences of the unlucky variety of fortune.

Which knowing me, no one’s luck is that good.

I try to keep in mind with every situation; there is a good and bad outcome. Example would be:

He pulled up to the corner and told me to get out. I looked out the passenger window at the iron bars over the glass store fronts, the graffiti littering the brick and sidewalks. I shot him a look.

“No way.” I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. “I’m not going out there without my gun.”

He reached across me and shoved open the door. “Get out, Kiki.”

I fastened my seat belt and held on.

“Get out of the car.”

I turned my head away from him and closed the door.

“I’m not going to tell you again.”

I whipped my head around, “Or you’ll what? You’ll drop me off in the ghetto to be picked up by Soladan and his goons? Oh, golly, oh, gee. Looks like that already happened.” I leaned over the console and got in his face. “I am not bait to get your sister back.”

His gaze held mine, “You are if I say you are.”

I made a nasty noise in the back of my throat and shoved away from him. “I knew it was bad luck that brought you back into my life. It’s been nothing but one hell hole after the next since you came back.”

“The sooner you get out of the car, the sooner I’m out of your life, wildcat.” He reached passed me and shoved open the door again. “Now, are you going to puss out or are you going to get out of the car.”

I hated him. Oh, I hated him. I shoved his arm out of the way and hit the concrete with two clicks of my four inch heels. “Careful, Dex. I don’t do any favors.”

He smiled, his eyes tired and lips nearly thinned out. “Yeah, that’s what I heard around the block.”

I kicked the door closed to the car and double handedly flipped him off as he peeled away from the curb.

The nerve of that asshole!

I looked down both ways and wouldn’t you know, two minutes after I step out onto the curb, Soladan’s sentries spied me and his big bad wolf, the Muscle Man, was coming to take me in.

I thought about my options, took a deep breath and started walking towards the Muscle Man. If I got out of this semi-alive, I was going to kill Dex.

While this seems like a bad outcome, the good is just on the horizon. Positive to negative. Everything has to equal out, just like luck.

Now, do you believe in luck? And are you lucky or unlucky?

What sort of situations do you place your character in before they get lucky? How do you decide how unlucky they are going to be before you take mercy on them? Have any lucky advice? Ran into any rainbows with pots of gold? Favorite St. Patty’s day story? Drinking green rum at your desk at the moment?

May the luck of the Irish be with you today and don't wrestle with Leprechauns. They bite.

Labels: 2010, Quartermaster's Queries (Sin), Sin, Writing for Rum

209 comments:

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Hellion said...: Is this something you've written or deleted? (And it does have a tiny bit of the Plum about it, only smarter.)

But I think in most fiction, characters are some of the unluckiest bastards. They have to be. They have to earn that HEA; and frankly, it's not like they're usually doing what they're supposed to and getting unlucky. They're usually still pursuing their own goal--which no one wants them to succeed at, mostly--and they're usually putting off the new goal or problem they were introduced with at the beginning of the story. If you ignore the new goal/problem, you deserve to be unlucky.

I believe in a certain amount of luck. But I believe the majority of luck comes from working hard and working smart. I don't believe you get lucky by waiting for things to happen to you.

As for situations for characters, unlike you, I don't try to kill mine. *droll look*

I've given my fighting married couple their divorce, but now told them they must find new mates in Vegas. They have to live together in an apartment with their mentor; and to keep from having to share a bed with the mentor, they sleep together instead. (This is a problem since they find each other attractive, even though they don't really like each other.)

I've brought in my hero's first ex-wife to spice things up, which the second ex-wife (heroine) did not know about. The mentor who is trying to earn his parole senses he is being undermined by Mr. Big, and starts getting competitive about getting the hero and heroine back together (which is how he will earn his parole.)

Hmmm. There needs to be some suspected sex in there...jealousy never hurts either.

I'm wearing my green, drinking my green (diet mountain dew), and plan to drink some barley therapy tonight with friends. (And help raise money for some 4-legged beasties in Columbia.); March 17, 2010 at 5:42 AM
Marnee Jo said...: I'm with Hells: luck happens when you're already working hard. And I think in this business, the key is working hard, moving forward, and hope you get that bit of luck. Right place, right time, right agent/editor. Whatever. But the longer you work at it, the harder you strive, the better your chances are of being struck by luck.

My characters? I think that both my current characters feel like their lives have been peppered by bad luck. Initially, they believe that meeting each other is just an extension of that bad luck. But hopefully, by the end, they'll realize that their luck changed when they met.

Tonight, I'm feasting on boiled ham, cabbage, and potatoes at my in-laws. I'm mostly Irish myself and my husband's fam is mostly Irish (those of you who know my maiden name and my current last name are probably not surprised by this). This is a big holiday for us. I'm even decked out in my only maternity green sweater. Complete with flip flops (because it's going to be low 60s here today and well, because my feet are starting to swell.)

Happy St. Patty's folks!; March 17, 2010 at 6:18 AM
Sin said...: It's an idea for a later chapter.

I love all the unlucky conflict in your writing, Hells. Suspected sex is always great. Sex, murder, mayhem. I love it all.; March 17, 2010 at 6:18 AM
Donna said...: I'm trying to figure out what I think about luck. I guess I feel like "good luck" is kind of a reward for people who work hard, and are persistent. To me it always feels like it comes out of nowhere, which is why it's characterized as "luck".

On the other hand, I don't think that "bad luck" is a punishment, or that the unlucky folks don't work hard or anything.

Maybe it's a random thing. And maybe I have no business trying to be profound when I've only gotten through one cup of coffee! LOL

It WOULD be nice to get lucky. . .soon. :) Before I forget how all of it is supposed to work. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 6:20 AM
Donna said...: I am seriously unlucky with coffee this week. Yesterday the half-and-half was, um, gross. The expiration date on the container was a LIE!

I decided I wanted to try a coffee that wasn't as dark roasted, but the one I've got today is not roasted enough. Yeesh. I'm a Coffee Goldilocks all of a sudden! ("This one is too dark. This one isn't dark enough.")

Hope my luck changes on this pretty soon too!; March 17, 2010 at 6:24 AM
Bosun said...: Is it bad I feel better I'm no longer the only member of this crew not getting lucky?

My family lives by the saying, "If it weren't for bad luck, we'd have no luck at all." Which I figured out a few years ago, is a load of shit. If you expect bad things to happen, then bad things happen. Stop shooting yourself in the arse already.

But, I also know of people who are sucky individuals and still have good things happen to them. That tends to annoy me. Those lying shits who always come out smelling like a rose. Bastards.

I agree with the right time/right place thing, but you have to *be* somewhere for it to be the right place. Sitting at home expecting that editor/man/Publishers Clearing House to knock on your door is probably a bit far fetched.

I don't try to kill my characters either. And I don't think they ever ponder luck. However, my heroines do tend to be nagative nellies.; March 17, 2010 at 6:39 AM
Sin said...: Happy St. Patty's day, Marn! I bet you look cute as a button in your little green maternity sweater.

I think it's good to have characters who think they are down on their luck, even see meeting the hero/heroine as bad luck and then it all turns around.; March 17, 2010 at 6:49 AM
Sin said...: Ugh, I hate when the expiration date is just merely a suggestion. I had milk like that one time and still to this day, if I think about it too hard I gag and throw up.

I'm liking this Coffee Goldilocks thing. It's unfortunate for you, but kinda hilarious to think about. Only because I have my coffee. I can relate though. I hope you get the right coffee fix soon :); March 17, 2010 at 6:51 AM
Sin said...: I'm a little like that. I'd like to think "luck" is a reward. I'd like to think that you have to make it. Positive thinking. Karma build up. And sometimes you just have to strong arm it.

You'll get lucky soon, Donna.

Bad luck is just misfortune. We can all fall prey to it regardless how we live our life. We can't be lucky all the time or we wouldn't know how blessed we are when we do get lucky.; March 17, 2010 at 6:57 AM
Donna said...: Bo'sun, I'm glad I'm not the only member of the "not getting lucky" club! Whew. I hope the club charter has some time limit on how long we have to stay members though. LOL

And Sin, seriously -- coffee shouldn't be this much work! LOL To me, it's a vitamin. I have to have it every day. (I always tell people "caffeine is the basis of my personality".) So I'll have to get the dosage worked out pretty soon. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 6:59 AM
Sin said...: I spent years unlucky. But all those years I did nothing but spout woe is me crap and think negatively. Once I found a way to turn all the negative crap into good, I found myself much more lucky.

Though, the luck is supposed to come from my ruling planet. I'm supposed to just have the touch of Lady Luck in my fingertips.

Kiki grew up hearing about the Michaels luck. Yeah, they are extremely lucky (all of them are cheats somehow) but when they lose it, they lose it bad. Death pretty much negates any good luck you've had in the past.; March 17, 2010 at 7:02 AM
Sin said...: Caffeine is the basis of my personality as well. I'm a stark raving bitch when I don't get my daily dosage of it in coffee form.; March 17, 2010 at 7:03 AM
Julie said...: Now, do you believe in luck?
What I believe in is Murphy’s Law. it’s the law that states "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong".

And are you lucky or unlucky?
I’ve: almost drown, been in stampedes, earthquakes, had two cars totaled out around me, been in a building that was partially demolished by a tornado, shot at, carjacked , been on the Great Lakes when a storm hit & threatened to capsize the boat I was on. I’ve hung out with a malamute … who turned out to be a wolf. I’ve been intubated when the power went out in the operating room … of course the emergency generators that were supposed to kick in right away didn’t. And I’ve had a near death experience with a shirt containing a shelf bra. Unlucky or Lucky? You tell me.; March 17, 2010 at 7:03 AM
Donna said...: Julie -- I'm flabbergasted! You sound pretty darn invincible! (Although I'm dying to hear about the near-death experience with the shelf bra shirt. LOL)

Sin -- there's a quote somewhere about "I have too much blood in my caffeine system" that kinda works too. :) Got to get those levels JUST right!; March 17, 2010 at 7:09 AM
Bosun said...: Julie - I'm pretty sure that all means you are the luckiest woman alive.

Donna - There better be an end date. I'm getting friggin' snarly.

Sin/Donna - I got on the caffeine for a while, but now I'm off again. I only drink coffee for my chocolate creamer, and for that, I drink decaf in the evenings.; March 17, 2010 at 7:09 AM
Sin said...: Jules, that's a good reference for a writer. Your whole story should be, "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

I'd say both. While all that shit happened, you still survived it all which bespeaks of luck. But I also think it's because you're a tough bitch and you never take "giving up" as an option. So I can't see any of that killing you.

You're like the coyote in Looney Tunes.; March 17, 2010 at 7:10 AM
Sin said...: I'm pretty sure if you tap into my veins there is an untapped resource of Starbucks flowing through there.; March 17, 2010 at 7:12 AM
Sin said...: Jules nunga nungas could knock a person out five blocks away. They are wild wilderbeasts.; March 17, 2010 at 7:12 AM
hal said...: My favorite quote about luck is: Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. We all get those fabulous opportunities once in a while. It's only lucky if you're ready and prepared to jump on that opportunity like white on rice.

But when it comes to writing, I give my characters bad luck. [insert evil laugh]. If it can go wrong, it will. hehehe.; March 17, 2010 at 7:13 AM
Sin said...: hehehehe, Hal, and you're so wicked about it too. Even I'm not on that level of wickedness.; March 17, 2010 at 7:14 AM
hal said...: Donna you are a woman after my heart. I freak out if I can't have coffee, and it'd better be a dark roast! LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 7:14 AM
hal said...: You are too. Admit it :); March 17, 2010 at 7:16 AM
Sin said...: That is when my other motto, "Be prepared for anything and everything," comes in handy. That mostly applies to EPI pens and duct tape, but I'm sure I can make it work for fabulous writing/editor/publisher opportunities as well.; March 17, 2010 at 7:16 AM
hal said...: I've grown since we first met.; March 17, 2010 at 7:17 AM
Sin said...: I'm not on your level, babe. I'm wicked. I'll agree. But you take it past me. I'm so proud. lol; March 17, 2010 at 7:17 AM
Sin said...: I know. It's so awesome to see.; March 17, 2010 at 7:19 AM
Hellion said...: If it weren’t for bad luck, we’d have no luck at all.”

You have to finish that song: Gloom, despair and agony on me.

We watched entirely too much HeeHaw growing up. Yeegads.

And I'm feeling some pain for Donna with her coffee woes. Eek. More so than the sex. I mean, you can live without sex. But no coffee?; March 17, 2010 at 7:21 AM
Julie said...: Tell me that you just didn't say nunga nungas. LMAO!
I think that I'm still a live because: I don't take it personal, I have an odd sense of humor, I'm rather clueless, and ... Because I an a living, breathing, example of Murphyâ€™s Law at work. Not surprising I suppose since my Motherâ€™s maiden name is â€¦ Murphy!; March 17, 2010 at 7:21 AM
hal said...: We watched entirely too much HeeHaw growing up. Yeegads.

LMAO!!; March 17, 2010 at 7:23 AM
Julie said...: Q's is like I Knew that there was something odd about that Woman!; March 17, 2010 at 7:23 AM
hal said...: lol. It's like I'm a puppy you guys have succeeded in socializing :); March 17, 2010 at 7:23 AM
Hellion said...: Gotta comment on this one too:

But, I also know of people who are sucky individuals and still have good things happen to them. That tends to annoy me. Those lying shits who always come out smelling like a rose. Bastards.

This is a matter of perspective. (I'm not doubting they're a bunch of lying sack of shits.) Lying sacks of shits don't think they're that bad. They actually think they're good people--which crappy circumstances and completely misunderstood--and therefore they think they're deserving of the breaks they're getting.

And annoying as they are and as deserving of hell as they are, if one could see things from their POV (really from their POV), you might feel a little sorry for them. (You know, when hell freezes over.)

I think everyone has a POV. Everyone has an unlucky break. Even Voldemort who can't get that untalented, witless Harry Potter to die already!; March 17, 2010 at 7:25 AM
Sin said...: Which woman? I'm thinking at this point he thinks there is something odd about all of us.

And yes. I did say it. And I'm not taking it back.; March 17, 2010 at 7:25 AM
Donna said...: Hal, yes, the coffee is almost always dark roast, so I don't know what happened yesterday when I decided I'd get something less dark. I must have still been working through the half-and-half trauma. LOL

Hellion -- LOL. Couldn't have said it better myself!

Oh, tying together publishing luck and coffee: about a year and a half ago, an agent called me. . .and I was next door getting coffee! LOL (We chatted later, and it didn't work out with her unfortunately, but it was a great learning experience. The coffee? So-so. LOL); March 17, 2010 at 7:27 AM
Hellion said...: Sin, don't lie to these good people, we know you're a stark raving biotch when you've had your coffee too. We just have to put you in a car in the middle of traffic, and out it comes like one of those snakes in a can.; March 17, 2010 at 7:29 AM
Sin said...: LMAO such imagery.

Okay, it's true. And you've never ridden with me in the city. GPS says to me in the middle of heavy traffic in Phoenix, "God, I love the way you drive but you are fcking nuts."; March 17, 2010 at 7:32 AM
Irisheyes said...: That is one of my favorite quotes - My DH uses is a lot cause people are always calling him lucky (what they actually say is that he was born with a horseshoe up his ass and sometimes not kindly). That quote is usually his reply.

I like the one attributed to Thomas Jefferson too - I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

Sin and Ter, the older I get the more I believe in postive mental attitude and you reap what you sow. I grew up in a household full of nay-sayers and Eeyores. Once I got out and changed my outlook, my luck changed. Hey, go figure!; March 17, 2010 at 7:34 AM
Irisheyes said...: I'm not a coffee drinker but I could really go for one of my grandma's cups of tea - 3 teabags and 4 spoons of sugar!; March 17, 2010 at 7:35 AM
Sin said...: I need one of those for my desk, Jules. I must look into that. But then I'd twitch because I'd never stop.; March 17, 2010 at 7:39 AM
Sin said...: Mmmm, sugar.; March 17, 2010 at 7:39 AM
Julie said...: Donna, if you don't have one already, then you might look into getting a Keurig coffee maker. Makes one single serve cup at a time. One single, strong, bold, stromg, fresh, hot cup of Joe... its kind of like ... The Perfect Man!; March 17, 2010 at 7:39 AM
Sin said...: I'm the same way now, Irish. It's all about how you perceive situations.

LMAO. Your DH cracks me up.; March 17, 2010 at 7:39 AM
hal said...: I have a Keurig. When our first one broke, I seriously panicked. Ran out and got another one the same day. It's like the freakin DVR or Tivo. They're adorable until you actually get one and realize that you can never, ever go back to recording things on a tape with a VCR.; March 17, 2010 at 7:41 AM
Irisheyes said...: I forgot to put "Hal," at the beginning of my first post. Obviously I really need that tea!; March 17, 2010 at 7:42 AM
Hellion said...: BTW, the coinkydinkyly, I haven't been back to a county fair since had me snorting soda out of my nose. Geez, I was imagining this scene a little too vividly.; March 17, 2010 at 7:42 AM
Sin said...: Mattycakes said something about we should go this year since we live just down the road from the fairgrounds and I think I may have shouted, "NO THANKS!" a little too fast. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 7:44 AM
Julie said...: You could just gnaw on a k-cup ... or put a lil' coffee grounds between your cheek & gums. Like chaw.; March 17, 2010 at 7:44 AM
Sin said...: I can see this now:

"Honey, why do you have little black things in your teeth?"

Rushing to the mirror and sheepishly washing mouth out, "I'm sorry. There's something I have to tell you."

DH panic, "What?"

"I chewed the last K-cup in a fit of caffeine rage."; March 17, 2010 at 7:45 AM
Sin said...: Lucky for me I don't allow myself to have any of the fancy doodads you modern people have- like DVRs and TiVos and one cup heaven makers.; March 17, 2010 at 7:47 AM
Hellion said...: A CUP at a time? Don't people realize I drink about a half pot at a time? I don't just have a measley cup of coffee...; March 17, 2010 at 7:48 AM
Bosun said...: Great now I have "You met another and thrrppppt you were gone" playing in my head.

Someone sing Rock the Boat!

I drink extremely weak coffee, usually watered down and washed out with flavored creamer. I'm telling you, it's just an excuse to drink the Hershey's creamer. Though now I'm wondering what the creamer would taste like by itself.

Probably not good, huh?; March 17, 2010 at 7:49 AM
Julie said...: I have a Keurig too, Hal. For the first time in our married life my DH can make his own coffee.
I'm not surprised. When it comes to pushing buttons ... the man is a natural!; March 17, 2010 at 7:49 AM
Bosun said...: About the lucky bastards, for me it's probably more a karma thing. They don't DESERVE the lucky stuff that comes their way. Though I know in the long run, it'll come back around and they'll get their comeuppance. So I linger on that thought and get past my irritation. Usually.; March 17, 2010 at 7:51 AM
Hellion said...: *LOL* I always love the DVR and TiVo convos. My boyfriend always thrashes around when I remind him I don't have cable. "You need cable" and I'm like, "When have we ever watched TV when you're over here?"; March 17, 2010 at 7:51 AM
Bosun said...: I love my DVR and no one is taking it away from me. Recorded Michael Buble last night and will be enjoying that...when I get around to it. Mostly I love that I can tell it to record once and it remembers everytime. Seriously the greatest thing for a person with no memory such as myself.; March 17, 2010 at 7:52 AM
Hellion said...: Where oh where are you tonight, why did you leave me here all aloooone. I searched the world over and thought I found true love, you met another and thrrppt you were gone.

Honestly I can't blame her, can you? I'd leave those a**holes in a new york minute.; March 17, 2010 at 7:52 AM
Bosun said...: HeeHaw was pretty funny. It was like the redneck version of Carol Burnett.; March 17, 2010 at 7:53 AM
Hellion said...: There you go, being all high concept again.; March 17, 2010 at 7:54 AM
Hellion said...: I still say it's a matter of perspective whether they deserve it or not to begin with. It's not like they're serial killers getting lucky breaks or anything. They're just inconsiderate jerks for the most part. Those sons of biotches always thrive. *LOL*; March 17, 2010 at 7:54 AM
Donna said...: Julie, I like the idea of the Keurig coffeemakers. However, I have an espresso maker AND a French press coffemaker, AND I have a coffee bean grinder--so I can't justify adding another coffee appliance. LOL

I think my tastebuds are off. Probably cuz of daylight savings time. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 8:06 AM
Bosun said...: NOT that I'm volunteering to get between her and her coffee. But someone, you know, other than me, should do it.; March 17, 2010 at 8:13 AM
Bosun said...: Donna may need a coffee intervention.; March 17, 2010 at 8:13 AM
Sin said...: Everything can be blamed on the daylight savings. EVERYTHING.; March 17, 2010 at 8:19 AM
Hellion said...: Dude, NO ONE is volunteering for that job.

But I'm totally on board with the expresso machine. Does it make cappichino or hot milk for lattes too? Coffee at Donna's house! Bring your own half and half!; March 17, 2010 at 8:21 AM
Donna said...: Hey! Bo'sun! We just discussed how I'm substituting coffee for. . .what I would LIKE to have but can't seem to find as easily as coffee. LOL So if THAT is included in the intervention. . .:)

And my espresso maker USED to make the frothy milk stuff, but that broke. :( But I got NEW half and half yesterday, Hellion -- so we're good!

Sin -- I think you're right -- the DST changed the expiration date on the half and half! I knew there was a good reason. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 8:28 AM
Bosun said...: That should be WITH other devices. LOL! Talk about a new way to make that milk frothy.

LMAO! Damn typos!; March 17, 2010 at 8:33 AM
Bosun said...: Who knew one lost hour could change the chemical make up of a dairy product? LOL! Sounds plausible to me.

Donna - You could substitute the coffee devices for the other kind of devices. ;) Chance has this duck she raves about. LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 8:33 AM
Donna said...: "What's that buzzing sound? What? Oh!"

*switches device off*

"Just uh, making my latte. I mean, cappucino."; March 17, 2010 at 8:36 AM
hal said...: uh oh. have we moved on to rubber duckies?; March 17, 2010 at 8:36 AM
Sin said...: Of course. We can't have a Wednesday where tangents don't include electrical devices that are waterproof and sparkle.; March 17, 2010 at 8:44 AM
Bosun said...: Oh, the sparkles. How could I forget the sparkles.

That's Glittery Cappucino! LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 8:45 AM
Sin said...: I'm not so sure about the duckie, but I swear by the Rabbit so I suppose I can't talk. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 8:45 AM
hal said...: sparkles.

pearls.

bunny ears.; March 17, 2010 at 8:46 AM
Hellion said...: Now a Rabbit....; March 17, 2010 at 8:49 AM
Hellion said...: It would take more than a DUCK to replace the chemical benefits of caffeine.; March 17, 2010 at 8:49 AM
hal said...: Hmm, this brings up an interesting question. If you HAD to make a choice between a sparkly, waterproof rabbit (or duck!) with rotating pearls (because, let's face it, you can't forget the pearls), or caffeine, and could only have one or the other for the rest of your life......which would you choose?; March 17, 2010 at 8:51 AM
Hellion said...: Does it have pearls...and spins?

Wait, is it me? Or are these other devices sound a lot like things featured in a certain snard book?; March 17, 2010 at 8:51 AM
Sin said...: And a good orgasm should surpass the caffeine high. You shouldn't be able to think about caffeine after your toes are permanently embedded into the mattress. Or someone's back.; March 17, 2010 at 8:52 AM
Sin said...: O
M
G

You had to go there with the snard book. I thought we were going to get away without snard today.; March 17, 2010 at 8:52 AM
hal said...: Yes, but caffeine lasts all day.

And can be had at your desk.; March 17, 2010 at 8:55 AM
Bosun said...: I just officially choked on my turkey sandwich.

And I do have a door on my office so....

I have to agree with Sin on this one.; March 17, 2010 at 8:57 AM
hal said...: (not that you can't also have an orgasm at your desk, but, you know.....that could get embarrassing); March 17, 2010 at 8:57 AM
Hellion said...: I admit it depends on the day, but I'd usually have to go with the orgasm.

I usually have to doctor a cup of coffee before I'll drink it. I don't usually have to do as much doctoring before I'll go for the orgasm.; March 17, 2010 at 8:58 AM
hal said...: LOL!!; March 17, 2010 at 8:58 AM
Sin said...: That's what a private office is for and a lock.; March 17, 2010 at 8:58 AM
Sin said...: LMAO, you could go into the orgasm prepared but I don't know about doctoring unless it's a kinky sex game. Probably something the neighbors are doing at 3 am.; March 17, 2010 at 9:00 AM
Hellion said...: I'm still trying to figure out Sin's monkey toes that are imbedded in someone's back. WTF.

I am not flexible enough. I should be doing more yoga.; March 17, 2010 at 9:00 AM
Sin said...: I'm pretty sure caffeine after sex is not something I need. At this rate, when I'm 60 my sex drive will be sending 20 year olds to the hospital.; March 17, 2010 at 9:00 AM
Hellion said...: Gawddd, the neighbors are always doing it.; March 17, 2010 at 9:01 AM
2nd Chance said...: Sin, if your GPS is talking to you in the middle of traffic either you've had too much coffee or not enough...

OH! That GPS!; March 17, 2010 at 9:01 AM
Sin said...: Fck, thanks, Hells. My gum is now stuck to the monitor.; March 17, 2010 at 9:01 AM
Hellion said...: Is it your plan then to kill Matty with sex and replace him with 20 year olds then?; March 17, 2010 at 9:01 AM
Sin said...: Twenty year olds don't know enough about sex to entice me enough to sleep with one. Even if I was desperate.; March 17, 2010 at 9:03 AM
Julie said...: Gosh ... the way this conversation is going I'm pretty sure that "duck" was the word with the typo. And devices should have been spelled de vices, right?; March 17, 2010 at 9:03 AM
Bosun said...: That reminds me, I haven't heard my neighbors in a long time. I guess they figured it out and pulled the bed away from the wall.

And I assumed the dude was turned around on the toe thing.; March 17, 2010 at 9:04 AM
Bosun said...: I don't know, Sin, think of the stamina. And I know Hellie hates the idea of having to teach them, but I have no doubt they'd be willing, flexible, and obedient pupils.; March 17, 2010 at 9:05 AM
2nd Chance said...: Now, a nasty duck floating in a sea of coffee...not a bad way to start the day! Sorry, I'm so late ta the party. Had to be up and driving with the DH into the big bad city over the hill.

What the f*ck question did Sin ask initially? I got lost somewhere in the quest for the perfect creamer ...ahem...and forest creatures...; March 17, 2010 at 9:07 AM
Sin said...: I'm not going to incriminate myself further with the toe thing.

I'm going to go drink. I'll be back after lunch, liquored up and ready to rock and roll.; March 17, 2010 at 9:07 AM
Hellion said...: And I assumed the dude was turned around on the toe thing.

Someone is going to have to draw me a stick picture because I am not getting this.

I haven't had coffee. Is that the problem? Because now all I see is Sin on top, pulling out his chest hair with her monkey toes? That's not right either is it?; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Julie said...: Hellion, you can't kill a man with sex.
I've tried.
And the last time a Young Person hit on me I asked them (with the most innocent of faces)
"Does your Mother know that you are out after curfew?"; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Sin said...: LMAO. I can't even remember the original topic. This is more fun though, Chanceroo.; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Bosun said...: We mentioned forest creatures? Really?

I must have missed that.; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Sin said...: Fumbling and bumbling around and pissing me off while I'm trying to get off.

I could settle for 25-30. Years old that is. I don't want Jules saying that's my quota for orgasms at 60.; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Donna said...: Welllll, THAT sure made the thread zip along! LOL

I think someone should invent a caffeine-powered orgasmatron device. You know, in case the electricity goes out. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM
Bosun said...: OMG, my head is going to explode from holding in the laughter.

ROFLMFAO!!!!; March 17, 2010 at 9:10 AM
2nd Chance said...: Luck! OH, yeah! I bet that was what Last Chance's e--mail referred to this morning when I thought she'd been toking' a bit much for a work day...

I believe in luck! Of course! Hell, a minute or two longer in that shower and my DH wouldn't have been around to save my life! Yes, luck comes to the prepared and all...it also stumbles into you sometimes. And those who are blessed with luck even though they are worthless shits, probably need that luck for pure survival. It's not good luck to them, it's air.

My characters are nearly all victims of good luck. In fact, new hero is cursed with good luck! Let's face it, too much good luck will leave you believing you're invicible and kill the initiative to actually work toward something.

And yes, I'm wearing green. I am Irish. With a last name of O'Hagan!?; March 17, 2010 at 9:10 AM
Bosun said...: Sin, you ARE 25-30. Where is the fun in doing guys your own age?

I'm sure that sounds incriminating, but whatever.; March 17, 2010 at 9:10 AM
Bosun said...: Hellie - Imagine a guy, using a device, turned around, intent on what he's doing, to you....; March 17, 2010 at 9:11 AM
2nd Chance said...: I'm with Julie, stick drawings, please.

I think a duck would qualify as a forest creature...; March 17, 2010 at 9:13 AM
Bosun said...: What the hell kind of forest are you in?!?!

LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 9:14 AM
Julie said...: One with a pond. And ducks.; March 17, 2010 at 9:17 AM
2nd Chance said...: Why? What kind of forest are you in???; March 17, 2010 at 9:17 AM
2nd Chance said...: One with a pond.; March 17, 2010 at 9:17 AM
2nd Chance said...: Me, too!; March 17, 2010 at 9:20 AM
Bosun said...: Oh, that explains it. I can't see the pond for all the trees.; March 17, 2010 at 9:26 AM
Donna said...: Okay, SOMEBODY has to say, "This place has turned into a petting zoo."

I'm not gonna do it though! LOL; March 17, 2010 at 9:32 AM
Bosun said...: That would explain why all the office doors are closed.; March 17, 2010 at 9:38 AM
Donna said...: LOL -- it got really quiet around here too! Guess everyone went for a "coffee break". :); March 17, 2010 at 9:59 AM
Hellion said...: Hellie – Imagine a guy, using a device, turned around, intent on what he’s doing, to you….

I'm having coffee now. This image, it's not working. You're still going to have to draw some stick figures.

This is going like the time Deer Hunter was talking about chocolate cake as a metaphor for sex and all I could think about was cake. (I hadn't had cake in a long time--so you can't really fault me for obsessing about Betty Crocker than what he had in mind.); March 17, 2010 at 10:01 AM
Bosun said...: Donna - If you're right, the mood around here should be hopping this afternoon.

Hellie - I'm a terrible artist and I can't imagine I would do justice to this image. Maybe as Mattycakes the next time you see him. :); March 17, 2010 at 10:06 AM
hal said...: Can you imagine that conversation in the gym? So, Mattycakes, Sin was telling us about her toes.....can you lay down and demonstrate for us?; March 17, 2010 at 10:11 AM
Bosun said...: He'd do it too.; March 17, 2010 at 10:22 AM
hal said...: I know, that's the funniest part! LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 10:26 AM
Sin said...: LMAO. It's not going to top the time I showed my mother a sex position because she just wasn't getting what I was trying to tell her.

Gah, my life is fcked up. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 10:37 AM
Sin said...: OMG, yes. Did you get to hear that story? Poor Hal.; March 17, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Sin said...: And stop with the toes already. Toes freak me out. Nothing freaky going on with the toes. Other than they are freak monkey toes that can pick up objects.; March 17, 2010 at 10:38 AM
hal said...: was it the ballerina?; March 17, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Hellion said...: LMAO. It’s not going to top the time I showed my mother a sex position because she just wasn’t getting what I was trying to tell her.

That is fucked up.

I had to explain to my 80-something father what a blow job was. AWK-ward!

The Ballerina Position? See, now that one I might have an accurate idea about.

I still have no idea what Bo'sun described. Sin, can you explain?; March 17, 2010 at 10:41 AM
hal said...: LOL! No, I hadn't heard the story, but you talk about that position a lot :) It was an educated guess.; March 17, 2010 at 10:41 AM
hal said...: uh, as in, he'd never had a blow job? Or as in, he'd never heard it called that?

Either way.....sooo awkward!; March 17, 2010 at 10:46 AM
Sin said...: I don't want to explain anything to my daddy regardless of how married I am or how old he is. NO NO NO.; March 17, 2010 at 10:46 AM
Sin said...: Oh jeez! Hal! Ugh. Gross. I need to scrub my eyes with bleach. Let's stop talking about dads.; March 17, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Irisheyes said...: OMG! I knew I shouldn't have made myself a sandwich and sat down to check the web! *Irish choking turkey w/mayo*; March 17, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Sin said...: Let me comb through the comments and see if I can get the visual.; March 17, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Sin said...: Things could get interesting with a balance bar, but none required.; March 17, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Sin said...: LMAO, Well, Irish, at least you're keep with the comments. At least it's mayo and not snard.; March 17, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Bosun said...: Come on, I'm the VANILLA QUEEN and I get it.

Though I'm trying to imagine this ballarina position. Is that balance bar thing involved?

And I bet your dad knew exactly what a BJ was, he just wanted to see if you would tell. Little does he know you could write a how-to book on the subject. LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Irisheyes said...: Okay, Hellie, DO NOT answer Hal's question!; March 17, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Hellion said...: uh, as in, he’d never had a blow job? Or as in, he’d never heard it called that?

RIGHT, like I was going to ask that.

I'm going with: He hadn't heard it called that and leave it at that. (He was in the Navy, after all. Though they didn't stop by France on their tour. They did stop off on some French islands though, so I'm sure they figured it out quick. They probably called it something else. Like Happy Fun Time or something.); March 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM
Irisheyes said...: When I was about 12-13 we were sitting on my neighbor's front porch and the talk got kind of raunchy. The word blow job was thrown around. The mother came out and asked us all what it was and we all looked at her with mouths hung open not answering. So.... she went to my father and asked him!; March 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM
hal said...: oh come on -- we were all thinking it!!!; March 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM
Bosun said...: Well, I never took ballet, so I'm out of the loop on that one.; March 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM
hal said...: Irish - that's hilarious; March 17, 2010 at 10:53 AM
hal said...: Oh, well, once we involve the French....LOL!; March 17, 2010 at 10:53 AM
Irisheyes said...: AWKWARD!; March 17, 2010 at 10:53 AM
Irisheyes said...: The really funny thing (or sad depending on how you look at it) is that I still wasn't really clear on the whole thing myself. Just laughing and nodding my head, going along with the crowd.; March 17, 2010 at 10:54 AM
Bosun said...: I got in trouble for telling a joke to a classmate once where the punchline was "the boy was jacking off and shot the dog."

The idiot kid, purposely trying to get me in trouble, asked him mom from the back seat what "jacking off" meant. She nearly drove right off the road.

My parents got the ranting call later on and since my dad had told me the joke, all he said was not to tell these things to my friends.

And my dad will say or do anything. At my wedding, he made that hand gesture where you make the peace sign and hold it up to your mouth and...

Yeah, proud moment there.; March 17, 2010 at 10:54 AM
Irisheyes said...: OMG, Terri!! ROTFLMAO!; March 17, 2010 at 10:55 AM
Sin said...: Isn't that in Talladega Nights?; March 17, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Bosun said...: As much as you don't want to imagine or think about it, I'd feel bad for a guy who got to be your dad's age and never had one. That's just sad.

And what's this about the French? Did they invent the blow job?; March 17, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Sin said...: Hellie – Imagine a guy, using a device, turned around, intent on what he’s doing, to you….

Wait, why would he be turned around? He's going to be using the device on but not facing?

I'm confuzzled.; March 17, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Hellion said...: And I bet your dad knew exactly what a BJ was, he just wanted to see if you would tell.

I'm just saying he hadn't heard of that particular slang word for it. Not that he hadn't heard (we're going with HEARD and not HAD ENGAGED) of the act itself.

He lived on a farm in the middle of NOWHERE for like 80 of his 80 odd years. I'm sure the Amish have a different slang name for it. Like Prime the Pump or something.

This is why WORD ORIGIN, et al, is important. Why you can't use the word CLONE in your historical because it was a term that wasn't used actively until 1959. SAME sort of thing!; March 17, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Bosun said...: Use your imagination people. If his feet are up by your head and...

I can't believe I'm trying to explain this.

NEVER MIND.; March 17, 2010 at 10:58 AM
hal said...: OMG.

As hilarious as this all is, it's St. Paddy's Day, and I'm headed to the BEACH!; March 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM
Irisheyes said...: OMG, this is too funny!

The DH just called from his car and said with a little sing songy voice "Guess who's coming home early!"

To which I replied "You?! at the exact same time as THE KIDS!"

His reply "Shit!"; March 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM
Sin said...: LMFAO, oh fck Ter. I'd killed my dad right then and there.; March 17, 2010 at 10:59 AM
Sin said...: Have a great time Hal!; March 17, 2010 at 11:00 AM
Sin said...: That's a one helluva 69, Ter.; March 17, 2010 at 11:00 AM
Hellion said...: Wait, why would he be turned around? He’s going to be using the device on but not facing?

I’m confuzzled.

THANK YOU!; March 17, 2010 at 11:00 AM
Hellion said...: Use your imagination people. If his feet are up by your head and…

I can’t believe I’m trying to explain this.

NEVER MIND.

But how are my monkey toes supposed to be pressed into his back in this position? This is still supposing more flexibility than I got.; March 17, 2010 at 11:01 AM
Sin said...: “Guess who’s coming home early!”

To which I replied “You?! at the exact same time as THE KIDS!”

His reply “Shit!”

LMFAO; March 17, 2010 at 11:01 AM
Hellion said...: As much as you don’t want to imagine or think about it, I’d feel bad for a guy who got to be your dad’s age and never had one. That’s just sad.

And what’s this about the French? Did they invent the blow job?

Didn't the french invent everything? The french kiss? Oral sex? Escargot. Honestly these people will stick anything in their mouths.

Yes, it would be sad, but I'm not hiring anyone for him to have one now. His heart isn't that good.; March 17, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Irisheyes said...: Yeah, I got corned beef to go stick in the oven.; March 17, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Irisheyes said...: I would think the sinking the monkey toes into his back would be easily done in the good ol missionary postion.; March 17, 2010 at 11:04 AM
Irisheyes said...: Yes, it would be sad, but I’m not hiring anyone for him to have one now. His heart isn’t that good.

LMAO! Talk about an original birthday gift! You'd beat out everyone else. I'm always at a loss as to what to get my 84 year old mother. I mean they got everything, right!?; March 17, 2010 at 11:06 AM
Hellion said...: I've really got to work on yoga again.

Sin, when are we doing yoga again?; March 17, 2010 at 11:06 AM
Donna said...: Soooo? Who wants coffee? :); March 17, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Hellion said...: I have a book. And when they were 69ing, her toes weren't anywhere near his back!; March 17, 2010 at 11:11 AM
Bosun said...: That depends, Donna. How exactly did you make it?; March 17, 2010 at 11:11 AM
Hellion said...: I don't know if it's accurate (it could be as accurate as Wikipedia), but it's what I think of: http://www.panatibooks.com/intimate/blowjob.html

Sort of like how the word gay is different here than it was 70 years ago.; March 17, 2010 at 11:11 AM
Bosun said...: I'm buying you a Kama Sutra book for Christmas. Or your birthday. Or Arbor Day. Whatever.

At this point, if I could draw little stick figures in this comment box, I would.

Irish - That poor guy. Gotta love his enthusiasm though.; March 17, 2010 at 11:11 AM
Bosun said...: Lift your legs! Lift your legs!

Donna - That's just wrong.; March 17, 2010 at 11:13 AM
Bosun said...: I will never hear jet noise the same again.; March 17, 2010 at 11:13 AM
Donna said...: Bo'sun, I used my FRENCH press, of course! LOL; March 17, 2010 at 11:13 AM
Sin said...: Wow. I am master of the blow job every time I step onto a jet. Wonderful.; March 17, 2010 at 11:15 AM
Irisheyes said...: Up 175 comments! Unbelievable - has to be a record!; March 17, 2010 at 11:28 AM
Irisheyes said...: Irish – That poor guy. Gotta love his enthusiasm though.

Yeah, you think he'd know his kid's schedule!? Although when he gets in the zone he tends to forget he even has kids. Something his wife NEVER does.; March 17, 2010 at 11:30 AM
Hellion said...: Irish: Don't you guys have like five kids? I mean I get why YOU'D never forget since you pushed them out, but I'm still boggled HE'D forget.

Sin: I knew there was more to that flight to Phoenix than you were telling!; March 17, 2010 at 11:34 AM
Julie said...: Back to SIN's question; What sort of situations do you place your character in before they get lucky?

Answer: Educational; March 17, 2010 at 11:36 AM
Donna said...: Well, I'm off to have some Irish potatoes, and a chocolate cake made with Irish whiskey and Bailey's in the frosting. YUM.

See if you can hit 200 comments before I get back!; March 17, 2010 at 11:36 AM
Bosun said...: I'm pretty sure Irish only has two kids. LOL! But she'll have happy to hear you think she's pushed out FIVE.

Donna - That sounds like a challenge!

Julie - This entire thread has been educational today.; March 17, 2010 at 11:39 AM
Irisheyes said...: FIVE kids? Good Lord, no! You must be thinking of Island Girl. I only have 2, thankyouverymuch! And I'm a bit of a fanatic about not wanting them walking in on mom and dad, if you know what I mean. Dad on the other hand could care less which I'm assuming is pretty typical of his gender.; March 17, 2010 at 11:40 AM
Hellion said...: Sorry, sorry.

I'm pretty sure the kids thank you for being so fastidious. They don't want to walk in anymore than you want to be walked in on.

I'd say it's pretty typical. *LOL*

Though I'm getting Monty Python and the Meaning of Life flashbacks and laughing.; March 17, 2010 at 11:47 AM
Sin said...: Donna, come back here! I need that cake.; March 17, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Sin said...: Jules said:

Back to SIN’s question; What sort of situations do you place your character in before they get lucky?

Answer: Educational

Am I anything if not educational?

Depends on what kind of lucky they are getting.; March 17, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Sin said...: Hellion Says:
March 17th, 2010 at 3:11 pm e

I have a book. And when they were 69ing, her toes weren’t anywhere near his back!

Sometimes with long legs you have to get creative to get them out of the way.; March 17, 2010 at 12:02 PM
Sin said...: Wow, a breather while everyone is out drinking green liquor.

Just wanted to thank everyone for commenting today and carrying on a fantastically hilarious day. Can't wait to introduce you next Wednesday, Donna!; March 17, 2010 at 12:27 PM
Hellion said...: I *cannot* believe this implosion happened due to an innocent question about coffee.; March 17, 2010 at 12:32 PM
Sin said...: Hells, if it's nice tomorrow, I'm going to talk GPS into yoga in the backyard. Wanna come over?; March 17, 2010 at 12:32 PM
Julie said...: Sin asked: Am I anything if not educational?

Always educational Professor SIN, PHD is sex ed. PHD ... as in Pretty Horny DementedOne!; March 17, 2010 at 12:35 PM
Julie said...: Anything that takes Coffee Creamer is not innocent.
Snard?; March 17, 2010 at 12:37 PM
Hellion said...: I'd say Gag, but I'm sure that would open up a new can of worms.; March 17, 2010 at 12:42 PM
Sin said...: Hal's not here to instigate anymore. I won't mention gagging.; March 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM
Sin said...: Hells has to explain the snard because it is truly hilarious when you read it coming from her. It's from a book.

Someone mentioned Hershey's coffee creamer. Who was that? Really?!

And- I can't help who I am. GPS says she's got a dead frat boy living inside of her just waiting to hump someone. While I can't claim that, at least I know what I want. LOL; March 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM
Hellion said...: Oh, now we're blaming Hal?

We should just start calling her Scapegoat.; March 17, 2010 at 1:05 PM
Sin said...: Of course. She's not here to defend herself. lol; March 17, 2010 at 1:09 PM
Donna said...: We're almost at 200 -- c'mon people. Row! Row! We're almost there!

P.S. The cake was delish -- although it was very very very small. Dark chocolate cake made with Guiness AND it had a whiskey glaze AND buttercream frosting made with Bailey's Caramel.; March 17, 2010 at 1:58 PM
Sin said...: Mmmm, my mouth is watering thinking about this cake. Must make myself go home and watch America's Next Top Model to keep myself from making a cake of inferior nature and eating the whole thing.; March 17, 2010 at 2:17 PM
Donna said...: You could do what I'm doing -- I'm eating fish, and the low calories in THAT counteract the HIGH calories in the cake -- which resets me back to zero.

It's all in the math. :); March 17, 2010 at 2:33 PM
Sin said...: Sweet jesus I burned off all tje calories from the cake I've yet to make and eat just by scrolling through all the comments from my phone lol.

Donna we have the same method. Eat something to negate the heavy calories. Works like a charm.; March 17, 2010 at 3:07 PM

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