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Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Circus Act
“O Come, O Come Emmanuel” Casting Crowns. There is something about this instrumental song that brings me back to it over and over again. It’s been repeated over 300 times in my iTunes. It’s not at the record of my repeats. I’ve listened to Eclipsed (Evans Blue) almost 500 times. (Love that song. Still need to write a blog in regards to that song. Hm, will put that on the burner for next time.)
Since I’ve gotten back into my writing, I’m finding that pounding out blogs each week is a little easier for me. Creatively, my well is feeling dry; but my brain is functioning at a higher level than usual. I’m trying to keep in mind that my year horoscope said I’m in for big successes and big life changes. I’m gearing it towards writing because I need all the positive influence and karma I can get at this point. I've become more of a circus act trying to pull everything together for entertainment purposes than a multi-tasker so far this year.
Writing for me is much like a production. You have all these players practicing their parts, learning their roles. Everyone has a purpose and a part to play. Like the circus. The main story is out for everyone to see. The daring acts, the high flying stunts and the stories we weave for the crowd, but underneath the surface lies the real truth. You play your part for the crowd, you turn it on when the light shines on you and when the light dims the real story begins.
My characters have taken on new life the last couple of weeks. Finally, I can hear them again through all the responsibility and chaos that has been my life for the past few months. Kiki is eager to get back to her life in the gray area and Sadie is ready to tackle life. Dex is ready to convince Kiki she can’t keep working her life alone and emotionally detached from everyone and everything. Ruiz is working pretty hard to convince me he should sleep with everyone. Ash is quiet. He’s always quiet. He’s making a case study of Kiki. Can’t say as I blame him. She’s pretty internal at this point. If I’d spent five years trying to locate someone who was legally dead in the system, I don’t know if I’d spend much time talking to someone I couldn’t trust any further than I could throw him.
Kiki’s emotional state is far from pretty. Her family is dead. Her life is one calculated risk after another. Kiki doesn’t care.
I’ve been told there is a fine line between making a character redeemable and making a character who turns into the bad guy at the end. Kiki is my tightrope walker.
Writing is a fairly new process to me. I’ve completed projects before. I know to seal the deal between characters. I know my way around a black moment. But this whole concept of reminding myself that a main character has to be redeemable is completely foreign. I know at this point I should just ignore all the rules and regulations but it’s one of those things that once someone puts it in my mind, I can’t let go.
Kiki can’t let go of the fact she’s alone in this world. She tells herself that it’s better for everyone if she remains that way, but when she’s alone at night, she spends her spare time looking for clues to Sadie’s whereabouts.
No one wants to be alone in the world. Not even Kiki, my uber headstrong stubborn main character.
I think I’ll just go with Kiki’s flow and see how we turn out. If she’s deemed unredeemable, well then maybe my writing is just unredeemable. I’m feeling rather indifferent about it at this point. Sort of like my apathy for V-day. It’s just another day in the record books.
More on that soapbox next week.
Do you have emotional tightrope walkers in your writing? How do you personally feel about your own writing and does that emotion sometimes bleed into your characters?
Since I’ve gotten back into my writing, I’m finding that pounding out blogs each week is a little easier for me. Creatively, my well is feeling dry; but my brain is functioning at a higher level than usual. I’m trying to keep in mind that my year horoscope said I’m in for big successes and big life changes. I’m gearing it towards writing because I need all the positive influence and karma I can get at this point. I've become more of a circus act trying to pull everything together for entertainment purposes than a multi-tasker so far this year.
Writing for me is much like a production. You have all these players practicing their parts, learning their roles. Everyone has a purpose and a part to play. Like the circus. The main story is out for everyone to see. The daring acts, the high flying stunts and the stories we weave for the crowd, but underneath the surface lies the real truth. You play your part for the crowd, you turn it on when the light shines on you and when the light dims the real story begins.
My characters have taken on new life the last couple of weeks. Finally, I can hear them again through all the responsibility and chaos that has been my life for the past few months. Kiki is eager to get back to her life in the gray area and Sadie is ready to tackle life. Dex is ready to convince Kiki she can’t keep working her life alone and emotionally detached from everyone and everything. Ruiz is working pretty hard to convince me he should sleep with everyone. Ash is quiet. He’s always quiet. He’s making a case study of Kiki. Can’t say as I blame him. She’s pretty internal at this point. If I’d spent five years trying to locate someone who was legally dead in the system, I don’t know if I’d spend much time talking to someone I couldn’t trust any further than I could throw him.
Kiki’s emotional state is far from pretty. Her family is dead. Her life is one calculated risk after another. Kiki doesn’t care.
I’ve been told there is a fine line between making a character redeemable and making a character who turns into the bad guy at the end. Kiki is my tightrope walker.
Writing is a fairly new process to me. I’ve completed projects before. I know to seal the deal between characters. I know my way around a black moment. But this whole concept of reminding myself that a main character has to be redeemable is completely foreign. I know at this point I should just ignore all the rules and regulations but it’s one of those things that once someone puts it in my mind, I can’t let go.
Kiki can’t let go of the fact she’s alone in this world. She tells herself that it’s better for everyone if she remains that way, but when she’s alone at night, she spends her spare time looking for clues to Sadie’s whereabouts.
No one wants to be alone in the world. Not even Kiki, my uber headstrong stubborn main character.
I think I’ll just go with Kiki’s flow and see how we turn out. If she’s deemed unredeemable, well then maybe my writing is just unredeemable. I’m feeling rather indifferent about it at this point. Sort of like my apathy for V-day. It’s just another day in the record books.
More on that soapbox next week.
Do you have emotional tightrope walkers in your writing? How do you personally feel about your own writing and does that emotion sometimes bleed into your characters?
Labels:
2010,
Quartermaster's Queries (Sin),
Sin,
Writing for Rum
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40 comments:
Had an interesting discussion with a friend today...about my main character, Ivy. Ivy longs for a relationship that is already impossible. With her daughter, result of a rape, raised by the rapist to view her mother as nothing more than the spoils of war... They meet, after twenty years. All three.
Ivy dreams of killing her rapist, the beloved father of the daughter. Of 'rescuing' her daughter... Desperate to love her daughter, kill her rapist... is it possible to enact revenge and not completely lose her daughter? Again?
My friend said that would be a difficult conflict for me to convey, since I'd never been a mother. And I do struggle with making Ivy sympathetic. Because she suffers from post traumatic stress disorder and doesn't know how to 'feel'.
I have a hell of a lot of conflict and a heroine who doesn't know how to express feelings. She doesn't believe she is redeemable. I know she is, but if I can't write it convincingly, it won't matter.
So, yeah, I wrestle with a lot of doubt with this book. I've never been a mother, but I don't think that is part of my challenge. But maybe it is...
Doubt is always the tightrope I walk with my characters...because I fight it with myself.
Glad you're writing again, Sin!
awesome blog, Sin! and yay for writing! I've been stuck on the same scene for a week, and finally was able to break past it this morning. Isn't it a great feeling?
So I took a class on conflict in romances last month.
Instructor: Is there an inherent conflict between your heroine and hero?
Me: Sure, she's a terrorist, he's a cop
Instructor (eyes a little wider): Oh. Yes, that's conflict. But she didn't really do it, right?
Me: Do what?
Instructor (eyes wider): Commit terrorism!
Me: Well, sure she did. I mean, she *is* a terrorist. 3rd generation, in fact. Total prodigy with chemical explosives. She makes bombs for hire.
Instructor (now gasping in shock): And she's your HEROINE??
Me: Uh, well, yeah. Is that going to be a problem?
So yes, I have a tightrope to walk, too. Especially as I'm trying to do this in first person (yikes!). She doesn't feel she's done anything wrong. Fighting for freedom and equality isn't "terrorism" in her eyes, it's justice. So while the rest of the world views her as a criminal, she considers herself a protector of sorts. Or at least, she did, until she got sold out and thrown in jail. Now she's just bitter. However, I'm having an absolute blast writing her as she manipulates everything around her. SO fun!
*ROTFLMAO* I love Hal's story. "Is that going to be a problem?" And so right about the terrorism thing. After all, the Boston Tea Party could actually be termed a form of terrorism, but do we ever consider that?
Even the villain has a story. Remember Rise of the Lycans after all. Lucian has REASON to be pissed.
My current story doesn't really have tightrope walkers. Lucy is about the extent of the circus acts. Technically he's a Lost Soul--him against everything, rebel without a cause--but he *acts* self-absorbed and shallow rather than moody and victim-like. He's very "you can't count on anyone but yourself", but his objective is about getting the girl into bed, not about improving his reputation--there's no saving that anyway. Don't bother with lost causes.
My previous story had TWO tightrope walkers. Olivia was constantly walking the tightrope with her relationship with her best friend and with Ben; and Ben was constantly walking the tightrope with everyone. Everything was a lie. They're probably why I've decided not to have tightrope walkers in this book.
Lucian is so hot. He is the only were that I would even think about shoving against a wall in a dark corner and having my way with him. His story is so sad though.
I would suppose that tightrope walkers are secret keepers. Right up your alley, Hells.
Hal, you crack me up. "Is that going to be a problem?" And you saying it with that sweet little look you have about you cracks me up even more. LOL
I've really just been stuck creatively. I want to write. I sit down to write, but my fingers lift up a pen and nothing comes to me. It's all fragmented and broken. I can feel Kiki's frustration. I don't know if that's just bleeding into my creative subconscious or what.
Doubt is a mtherfcker, Chanceroo.
I've read Ivy, Chanceroo. In some respects I think you're friend has a point. Though, I don't think it's because you're not a mother that is the part emotionally that's hard for you to convey. I think it's the allowing herself to feel anything that's giving you fits. For Ivy, feeling one little thing could cause her whole emotionally world to fall apart. Once you feel one thing, you feel a whole lot more than just that. You start feeling things you don't want to feel in a million years. It's easier to keep it all emotionally stiff armed away from you than to try to sift through the emotional damage and make sense of it all.
If that makes any sense at all. Once I started to type it out I thought to myself "Even though I know they know I'm emotionally cracked this isn't going to make any sense to rational emotional beings."
His story is so sad though.
But they do that to the majority of heroes on the hero's journey. It's almost like his love was his "mentor", so to speak, so she had to die--because all mentors die (or disappear, but mostly die) on the Hero's Journey.
Plus having her die, not only fulfills the mentor deathcard, but colors his motivation of why he can never rest against his vengeance against the vampires. I mean, enslaving him was bad enough, but killing his bride?
Love those movies. Not to mention that Kate Beckinsale looks amazing in leather and kicking ass.
That is some old school vamp justice there. Victor's own daughter. That's the ultimate betrayal of the arch enemy/villain, not to mention to spite them both, Victor orders her death and then replaces his daughter with Selene.
I was going to say: Makes sense to me, Sin--but then you said, "This isn't going to make any sense to rational emotional beings" and realized, "Oh." Never mind.
P.S. Not that I'm a mother either, but from the mothers I've seen--they're sacrificing to the point of practically absurd. So if they LOVED their daughter--like you say--and saw their daughter LOVED her father, and would be devastated by the loss of her father--a mother who really loved her daughter wouldn't pursue the path of killing that father. Because she'd want the daughter to be happy, even at the sacrifice of her own happiness.
As I said: mothers are weird.
So I'd say, if your heroine was going to kill that guy, she better do it before she meets her daughter and realizes how attached her daughter really is. Then try to heal the relationship. Having her get to know the daughter, seem civil to the father, and then kill him in revenge would be a betrayal that I don't think could be healed.
I don't think I could write a tightrope walker, Sin. I read what all of you say about your stories and am reminded again how vanilla my stories are. But I like vanilla--with a dash of cinnamon sometimes. There must be others who do too.
I'm feeling pretty good about my writing at the moment, but I'm writing fresh scenes. That's always the easy part for me. It's when I start on the stitch together scenes that I'll be convinced every word I write is crap and I should forget about writing fiction.
I couldn't get into the first two movies, but the third movie I couldn't turn away from. *LOL* I actually bought the third movie.
Ooh, even better. The mother can kill the father and then meet her daughter at the (party, ball, dearest, I can't remember) and realize how much she loved her rapist father. Conflict, conflict, conflict. Eventually the mother will have to admit to killing him.
Janga, I think you deal with real emotional issues about trust, commitment, and marriage--those are real tightrope walking topics. I think your characters walk tightropes too. They just don't appear as emotionally closed off as Sin's characters. *LOL*
Obviously not a rational emotional bone in my body. I'd much rather talk about killing characters than finding them everlasting love and happiness.
Hells, you are a semi-emotional rational being. Not that this would ever happen, but if I tried to hug you, I'm pretty sure you'd stiff arm me but not karate chop me down.
I wouldn't karate chop you because I'd know how difficult hugging is for you too.
I did karate chop Tiffany though when she tried it. But she preceded it with a squeal and a hopping up and down. In an airport. Bless her emo soul.
Janga, there is nothing wrong with being vanilla. You are an amazing writer. And Hells said exactly what I think. You write about the things that my characters never want to experience. Those aren't really vanilla topics and certainly are tightrope walking issues.
LMAO. I've never met Tiff but every time I think about her I think about her wearing one of those emo black tulle dresses with cutter sleeves and an impish look in her eye. I would've paid money to see her hug you.
I was there, Sin. It was worth the price of admission.
I'm with Janga in the vanilla bean patch. No stiff arming or killing off characters. The closest I get is my heroines' stubborn streaks. No idea why they turn out that way. *whistles innocently*
I've read parts of Chance's story and I think the only way it will work is if Ivy gets to the point of killing him (he really is a bad, bad man) but then lets him live. Only to turn her back, have him come at her, and she kills him in self-defense.
This is a post-apocolyptic (sp?) story so no balls. LOL! Well, there are balls, but not *those* kind of balls. Ivy has balls.
I agree. Ivy's got balls. I love characters like that. But you don't have to write post-apocolyptic, mystery, adventure, suspense to have heroine's who have balls to do what they do. It takes a lot of balls to fall in love and trust someone else. It's all about attitude.
Yeah! Ivy does have balls and daddy dearest is going to reveal his true colors to such an extent that even daughter dearest is going to find relief in his being dead. (He is a very, very, very bad man. Just because he did good with daughter for a few decades doesn't negate how really nasty he is.)
And I'm working on the emotions for Ivy. Much better then when you read, Sin. I should send you the rewrite!
Of course, Ivy is going to kill him but it isn't really going to make her feel any better. The nightmares don't go away, or the guilt...
I love this story!
Hel - Ivy isn't the typical mother. But then again, this isn't the typical world. I know, most moms do things that just mystify me... Self sacrifice in the moment is one thing, but slow suicide just so the princess can have everything she wants (but not what she needs - I do love that difference!) just throws me.
Moms are human, too. With needs, desires... Oh, wow. I just flashed to Joan Cusack in Addam's Family Values and her tirade about malibu Barbie...
Like. Wow.
Now I agree with that. Just because you axe someone doesn't make the nightmares or make you feel better. I like the complexity.
Hellie says: "P.S. Not that I’m a mother either, but from the mothers I’ve seen–they’re sacrificing to the point of practically absurd. So if they LOVED their daughter–like you say–and saw their daughter LOVED her father, and would be devastated by the loss of her father–a mother who really loved her daughter wouldn’t pursue the path of killing that father. Because she’d want the daughter to be happy, even at the sacrifice of her own happiness."
I'm not a mom of a daughter but I'm a mommy and what Hells says feels right on for me. If it was the difference between my kid being happy and me being happy, I choose my kid every time. I think that's pretty standard mommy logic. As an example, look how many people tolerate perfectly despicable ex-spouses for the sake of their children.
Chance says: "Self sacrifice in the moment is one thing, but slow suicide just so the princess can have everything she wants (but not what she needs – I do love that difference!) just throws me."
I think this is a different issue, in many regards. Spoiled people is one thing but there's a difference between you can't have jeans from Hollister and your dad needs to die.
I don't know how old Ivy's daughter is but if the daughter loves the father and she's old enough to make decisions on her own about who she loves and who she doesn't, assuming that killing the father is in her best interest becomes even more problematic.
That all was very interesting to me.... :)
Now to answer Sin's question....
First off, great blog Sin! :)
Hal - I love your conversation with your instructor, that cracked me up.
As for tightrope characters.... Right now I'm working on this Regency that just kind of took me by surprise. My heroine is a courtesan. Not my hero's courtesan, but the villain's courtesan. And the hero's going to pay her to get information from her benefactor about his part in treason.
So for the first part of my book, my heroine is going to be sleeping with the villain. For money. It gets more complicated, as my villain's a bit of a sadomasochist. So there's that.
Trying to balance my heroine's character though that has been rough.
So for the first part of my book, my heroine is going to be sleeping with the villain. For money. It gets more complicated, as my villain’s a bit of a sadomasochist. So there’s that.
So what you're saying is that you're writing another light, fluffy Regency, right?
Ivy does have balls and daddy dearest is going to reveal his true colors to such an extent that even daughter dearest is going to find relief in his being dead. (He is a very, very, very bad man. Just because he did good with daughter for a few decades doesn’t negate how really nasty he is.)
I don't know. I mean, no one wants Charles Manson as their father, there is no disputing that, but father-daughter relationships are...well...different. He can be a complete and total asshole, but be a "great father"--there's nothing that says he couldn't be. And if that's the man the daughter knows, then why wouldn't she want to keep him? Why wouldn't she grieve his loss when he's dead, even if she sees that's he's truly a bad man?
Just because your story takes place in an alternate reality doesn't keep your characters from being human. If they really are human with human emotions, then I don't think you can just say, "Well, she's not a typical mother" or "The daughter won't really miss her dad" because humanly, mothers are pretty much the same (unless they're cracked out whores) or daughters almost always feel the same way about their fathers, provided they grew up having a close bond with their father to begin with. To make people relate to your story, you have to write about the human experience as we all understand it, that we can relate to.
Chance's story is not just set in an alternate reality, it is a different, more extreme reality. Perceptions are different, survival is primal. What Chance is saying is that in reading the story, the reader comes to understand how awful this man is. He's not just "not a nice guy". And I don't think she implies the daughter will be laughing over his grave singing good riddance.
There is a way to write this and make it work and believable. Saying these are not typical characters is fair and the best way to describe them. Saying "most mothers are XX" is a generalization and doesn't really apply to every situation.
So they're not humans?
Hells - LOL!! Yep, just another light and fluffy Regency.
And I agree with Hells, that if a girl's a daddy's girl and all her experiences with her dad are good, she might be able to see that he isn't a "good" guy but still love him for who he was to her.
Not all humans are one dimensional. I'm just saying read the story before saying something can or can't be done.
Chance's story sounds like a clan of the cavebear--"survival is primal", et al--setting.
Not having typical characters can be good and bad. After all, you have characters that don't blend with everyone else; and people certainly can't say they're cliche or like every other character they've ever read. But then having untypical characters also means they're far more likely to behave outside the accepted human reaction or experience so you have your work cut out for you making the reader stay for the duration of the story.
You also run the risk of having a smaller audience of "approval"--if that bothers you as a writer. For example, there is a larger audience for the heroine who loves children and rescues orphans. It is a much smaller audience who empathizes with the heroine who doesn't really like kids and it shows.
It doesn't mean if your audience is smaller, your story is not as good, by any means.
OK...I'm not saying Helen won't mourn her father. But she'll mourn the father she knew, not the man who eventually decides the best place for her is in his bed...forcing her to bear him children just as he forced her mother...
Bad enough for you?
Yup, people are people...but mothers and fathers aren't just a matter of biology and good intentions or even good years. It's the deep to the bone ability to do right by your children that makes you a good person and a good parent... And to acknowledge that choosing to do right by yourself is the best message you can give your child. How else will they learn to do right for themselves? To value themselves and their parents with authenticity...by example.
What is that old sampler I remember from my childhood? "Children learn what they see."
Ivy knows, all the way to her bones, that Helen's father is a monster. As old as the instinct to flee from the sabertooth, she knows this. And for the sake of her daughter, she'll sacrifice any chance to have a relationship with her daughter to save her daughter from the monster inside him.
And she is right. I'll make that plain. And have Helen mourn the father she knew as a child... Trust me.
If you make it plain, then it'll be fine.
Thank you, Hel! ;)
Or so the writers' articles say, of course. Whatever.
Oh, you're just daring me to do it so well I'll even convert you...
Dude.
I'm hard to convert, but I'm sure you're more than up for the challenge. But as I'm reminded time and again, I'm not the only audience. There's an audience for everything.
You're on...
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