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Monday, August 17, 2009
Straight Talk: How Do You Dialogue?
Okay, last week I said men cannot communicate--the whole Helen Keller analogy which I found amusing, but to which diplomat Terri had to point out: it's not that men cannot communicate; it's that they communicate differently.
No kidding.
Romance novels would be a lot shorter if men only knew how to communicate with women. I mean, I enjoy bickering (and bantering) as much as the next girl, but admit it, it’s still annoying. Sometimes it really feels like they’re just not listening.
I mean, that’s why we read romances, right? For the fantasy that at the end of 400 pages, this imperfect guy has effectively communicated to the long-tolerating heroine that he does indeed love her and will cherish her forever—and he couldn’t possibly live without her. You know, because he listened to her and it finally sunk in that, hey, this is important, perhaps I should tell her how I really feel so she doesn’t wonder anymore.
This is the epitome of the Female Fantasy. Not Johnny Depp mowing our lawn in tiny shorts, with sweat glistening off all those rippling muscles; but Johnny Depp listening and saying, “Yes, darling, I do love you. I always have. And yes, I will pick up my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I’ll do that right now and not wait for a commercial during the game….”
The ideal, I admit, is somewhat different than the reality. We don’t really communicate effectively.
Talking with a man about anything is a lot like trying to build a house with two very different sets of blueprints. You both want the house; and hell, you both agreed on the type of house you wanted. From there, it’s a matter of details—and with women, we always have way too many details, whereas men stick with the bare bones of a situation. If you give them too much information, their solution is not going to be the one you’re looking for.
Let me illustrate this:
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Distraught in North Carolina
Dear Distraught:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
I think you can see what I’m saying. To a woman, everything is important. To a man, a more manageable amount is important. Like golf, sex, and beer.
Now I only bring this up because it’s very important that dialogue sound authentic. Writers are told to read their sentences (especially dialogue) aloud as a revision tactic. There are a dozen different reasons why I may put down a book, but dialogue is in the top two. The banter of a book definitely lends itself to making the pace virtually un-put-downable.
So we all admit the Groveling Scene is ever so important in the novel, but it is definitely a make-or-break scene. Because he has to be remorseful without looking pathetic and he has to appear sensitive without making everyone wonder if he’s secretly gay. He has to tell the heroine what she wants to hear without losing his masculine voice. So I’m curious: how do you all write dialogue for the opposite sex?
When Christina Dodd writes the hero’s dialogue, she says she thinks of what the woman would say, then dumbs it down. *grins* A tip not without merit. (Did I say that out loud? I hope Jack didn’t hear that.) I mean, sure, he’s the hero and he deserves a great line, and I’m aware women don’t actually think a man would say anything close to the kind of declaration found in a romance novel, but I want the realm of plausibility here. I mean, I have been in romantic moments where the man I’m with makes a particularly profound and rather delicious statement, and my first reaction is: did I just hallucinate what he just said? Because he sounded just like Mr. Darcy, oh, I could swoon right now. Then I usually hold up a finger to stop him and say, “Hold just a second. I have paper, I need to write this down. It’d be perfect in this book….”
What is your tip for writing dialogue for the opposite sex? Is it the Jennifer Cruisie approach (“Men think cleanly. Write cleanly.”) or is it the Christina Dodd Tongue-in-Cheek?
Me, I’m not sure which approach I use. I don’t write my male-lead dialogue very cleanly, that’s for sure, but I don’t think I make him sound like he rides the short bus either. And there have been some speeches I’ve written where you might wonder if he’s hoarding some Barbara Streisand albums. Mostly, my technique is to think of my Banter Guy and pretend he’s who my heroine is having a conversation with. Every once in a while, I get it right. And occasionally I've had CPs say, "OMG, your hero is so damned annoying, I'm going upstairs right now to smother my husband!"
Clearly when I read an email like that, I know my work is done.
No kidding.
Romance novels would be a lot shorter if men only knew how to communicate with women. I mean, I enjoy bickering (and bantering) as much as the next girl, but admit it, it’s still annoying. Sometimes it really feels like they’re just not listening.
I mean, that’s why we read romances, right? For the fantasy that at the end of 400 pages, this imperfect guy has effectively communicated to the long-tolerating heroine that he does indeed love her and will cherish her forever—and he couldn’t possibly live without her. You know, because he listened to her and it finally sunk in that, hey, this is important, perhaps I should tell her how I really feel so she doesn’t wonder anymore.
This is the epitome of the Female Fantasy. Not Johnny Depp mowing our lawn in tiny shorts, with sweat glistening off all those rippling muscles; but Johnny Depp listening and saying, “Yes, darling, I do love you. I always have. And yes, I will pick up my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I’ll do that right now and not wait for a commercial during the game….”
The ideal, I admit, is somewhat different than the reality. We don’t really communicate effectively.
Talking with a man about anything is a lot like trying to build a house with two very different sets of blueprints. You both want the house; and hell, you both agreed on the type of house you wanted. From there, it’s a matter of details—and with women, we always have way too many details, whereas men stick with the bare bones of a situation. If you give them too much information, their solution is not going to be the one you’re looking for.
Let me illustrate this:
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Distraught in North Carolina
Dear Distraught:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.
If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
I think you can see what I’m saying. To a woman, everything is important. To a man, a more manageable amount is important. Like golf, sex, and beer.
Now I only bring this up because it’s very important that dialogue sound authentic. Writers are told to read their sentences (especially dialogue) aloud as a revision tactic. There are a dozen different reasons why I may put down a book, but dialogue is in the top two. The banter of a book definitely lends itself to making the pace virtually un-put-downable.
So we all admit the Groveling Scene is ever so important in the novel, but it is definitely a make-or-break scene. Because he has to be remorseful without looking pathetic and he has to appear sensitive without making everyone wonder if he’s secretly gay. He has to tell the heroine what she wants to hear without losing his masculine voice. So I’m curious: how do you all write dialogue for the opposite sex?
When Christina Dodd writes the hero’s dialogue, she says she thinks of what the woman would say, then dumbs it down. *grins* A tip not without merit. (Did I say that out loud? I hope Jack didn’t hear that.) I mean, sure, he’s the hero and he deserves a great line, and I’m aware women don’t actually think a man would say anything close to the kind of declaration found in a romance novel, but I want the realm of plausibility here. I mean, I have been in romantic moments where the man I’m with makes a particularly profound and rather delicious statement, and my first reaction is: did I just hallucinate what he just said? Because he sounded just like Mr. Darcy, oh, I could swoon right now. Then I usually hold up a finger to stop him and say, “Hold just a second. I have paper, I need to write this down. It’d be perfect in this book….”
What is your tip for writing dialogue for the opposite sex? Is it the Jennifer Cruisie approach (“Men think cleanly. Write cleanly.”) or is it the Christina Dodd Tongue-in-Cheek?
Me, I’m not sure which approach I use. I don’t write my male-lead dialogue very cleanly, that’s for sure, but I don’t think I make him sound like he rides the short bus either. And there have been some speeches I’ve written where you might wonder if he’s hoarding some Barbara Streisand albums. Mostly, my technique is to think of my Banter Guy and pretend he’s who my heroine is having a conversation with. Every once in a while, I get it right. And occasionally I've had CPs say, "OMG, your hero is so damned annoying, I'm going upstairs right now to smother my husband!"
Clearly when I read an email like that, I know my work is done.
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100 comments:
Sigh. Sensitivity is not a sign of gayness. Repeat after me, senitivity is not a sign of gayness. Sigh.
Now that that is done with...
Me male dialogue...well, me men have a different agenda, but it generally ain't the stupid male dialogue about fixin' the car, avoidin' the dishes or watchin' the game... But me men are in situations that call fer bein' alert (battle, hunting, trickery, diplomacy, piracy...) But aye, they do have different priorities. Nuances be lost on them.
All in all, I do think it jus' be the priorities. If'n ya give yer hero priorities that speak ta yer story, the dialogue flows wit'out seemin' out a character, whether the character be male or female.
Or maybe I'm writin' male dialogue wit' me ladies???
There is a curious asymmetry between male perceptions of female dialogue and Helli's perception of male dialogue.
Women are often very hard to understand because they frequently don't say what they mean. They talk in code without providing the key. So for example "I would love a fish and chip dinner" delivered with an unenthusiastic tone means "If you buy fish and chips again we are history".
Also a great deal is communicated through distracting body language. The flutter of an eye lid, the stiffening of the spine, that distracting smile that won't turn off, the way that the hair is brushed away. Its all full of meaning if one could only decipher it!
Now men speak with perfect clarity. They are economic with words and say precisely what they mean so there is no excuse for misunderstanding. On the whole they prefer action to speeches, though there are exceptions which are sometimes referred to as poets or authors.
If women communicated like men life would be much simpler, though on reflection,now that I have a little experience, I rather like decoding the mystery. A little misunderstanding can also have its uses in a romance context. :wink:
I think the problem that Helli highlights, if I have the right code, is that women try to interpret men's words as though they were spoken by a woman. So they use their own woman's codes in the interpretation and not surprisingly come up with some disastrous results.
I could continue at length with this monologue, but other duties call!
Fascinating start to the day! 8)
PS I think Chance may have summarised my long winded speech with:
But aye, they do have different priorities. Nuances be lost on them. *grin*
Fabulous, fabulous post, and the comments above are worthy, too.
I equate most men with Sherman's march on Georgia---everything falls in their path. If you complain that the tree tapping on the window kept you up all night, in the morning the man will be out there with a chain saw cutting the whole tree down. Incremental thinking is not their specialty. Problem solving is the scorched earth policy.I am very judicious with my complaints, because I don't trust my husband around the chainsaw. There was an incident with a Christmas tree...
Great post and I think all the comments hit it perfectly - women do look to interpret men's words as if they have hidden meaning.
BTW - Maggie I believe you have congrats in order! I follow you on twitter and saw your annoucement yesterday. Huge Congrats sent your way!
Goodness, did Maggie win the Nobel prize already? I swear, I cannot keep up.
Great blog, though you say "diplomat Terri" with a sneer and that's not very nice. It was in there, I heard it.
I have chosen the Crusie route, though didn't know it. I usually end up writing the line of dialogue the way I would say it, then cutting half the words, if not more. Though in my defense and the defense of men, I do not do this because I think all men talk like they're still living in caves. I do it because the general perceptions from some readers *cough*contestjudges*cough* have become so narrow and cynical that it's become imperative to make the hero a guy's guy or else you get the silly gay comment. Irks me to no end.
Chance - I'm going to take the bet that your heroines talk like men. LOL! And I agree, sensitivity does not equal gay. My brother is gay and he still says guy (read: non-sensitive) stuff all the time.
Q - You can't bring body language into this. That road goes both ways, my friend.
I *KNEW* my smothering comment was going to make it in today's blog. I just knew it.
2nd: Sensitivity? What's that? I'm aware men's priorities are different from mine. Things like: calling. Following up on things promised. Putting the toilet seat down.
I can deal with the last one. I can put a toilet seat down. But there are *some* things....
In my defense, he sounded JUST like Matty and it sounded JUST like a strong disagreement we'd have before bed. And I just wanted to smother him.
Q, there is the problem that women tend to analyze what is said in a conversation for historical, et al, meaning--and men just tend to say whatever and don't think it means anymore than what it was when it was said. It's sort of along the line of when a woman asks a man what he's thinking, and Jeff Foxworthy says, "I'll tell you what we're thinking, we're thinking we'd like a beer and we'd like to see something naked." (Don't you love how the beer ranks FIRST?)
In any case, your argument that I'm at fault because I'm using women "codes" to decipher what men say does not help your cause. Because generally when presented with an idiotic statement from a male, I usually go, "Did he really mean that or did he actually mean this?" and by your logic then, the assinine statement was just as it was supposed to be: assinine.
Of course, this proves George Carlin's theory about people: "Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy are because men are stupid." (Absolutely profound, isn't it?)
When I write male dialogue I take the time to think if I could hear Mattycakes saying it. And the more crude and disgusting it is, I figure the closer to actual male speak it is. And I pay close attention when guys are talking around me, because in the group that Matty runs with, no one holds anything back around me so I get the full force of male speak. It's utterly disgusting *shaking head disgustedly* but guys will be guys.
And I'm not saying girls can't be crude. I know I am. And it doesn't help I have NO filter whatsoever.
I equate most men with Sherman’s march on Georgia—everything falls in their path. If you complain that the tree tapping on the window kept you up all night, in the morning the man will be out there with a chain saw cutting the whole tree down. Incremental thinking is not their specialty. Problem solving is the scorched earth policy.
I have no follow up to this other than I nearly peed my pants laughing at the truth in it. I'll have to share it with my married friends who will nod wearily and go, "No joke."
Sabrina, well, of course we look for hidden meaning. It's all those years in high school with the mean girls! How can we not think it carries over to men?
I'm with Terri, did Maggs win the Nobel Prize?
Great blog, though you say “diplomat Terri” with a sneer and that’s not very nice. It was in there, I heard it.
There you go, Terr, being a GIRL again and looking for hidden meaning where there was none.
Congrats Maggie on whatever news you may have!
I think my tip for writing male dialogue is a deep POV. I love being in the head of my hero, often more so than the heroine, and I find the dialogue itself is short, to the point, because I have given his internal thoughts. He might even say the opposite of what he's thinking or sound downright grumpy. I agree that this is the fantasy of why we read romance - - to KNOW what the guy's thinking. Later, he does have to say it though, but when he does speak it's not out of character.
In the extreme, I have a story where the hero is a ghost and it is totally in his POV. True, there is a lot of talking to himself (how frustrating for the poor guy that no one can hear him! lol [Almost no one that is.]), but it's liberating. A lot of swearing. lol
After reading this blog, I may have to go back to my poor ghost Ben, who's been left in limbo. "Keeping it real" isn't really working so hot for me.
Seriously, I'm still pissed off about that fight in your WIP. It's good. Real good.
When I write male dialogue I take the time to think if I could hear Mattycakes saying it.
Occasionally when I'm writing male dialogue I think: What would Matty say?--and I go from there. Seriously, Matty couldn't be more a guy.
And of course your smothering comment had to make it into the blog. I was so proud to have incited such fury with a bit of fiction.
At least I didn't mention the chicken tenders.
I agree that this is the fantasy of why we read romance - - to KNOW what the guy’s thinking.
Melissa, this would be the downside to real life. If men really aren't thinking anything other than what they're saying, it just makes the annoying things that fly out of their mouths that much more annoying. I prefer the fantasy that they are thinking SOMETHING, even if they're saying something abbreviated and not owning up to the full speech. Hell, I prefer inward dialogue that's completely Machivellian--just so long as it sounds funny and intelligent.
I'm going to smother him with chicken tenders.
I prefer the double meaning conversation. Guys are FULL of those conversations. Of course, I am as well. And it's like a game in fiction.
Couldn't say he didn't deserve it.
Totally agree with Sin. Give me an intelligent hero and a conversation where everything the H/H say means something else and I'm in heaven.
*LOL* Double meaning conversations with guys are the best part of talking with them. Just how many ways can you turn a conversation about chicken tenders into sex?
LMAO
LOL, no Nobel Prize. Thanks, Sabrina and all you pirates! My editor approved the proposal for the second book of my Berkley contract, a darn good thing since I was over 50,000 words into it.She was not crazy about the whole thing on Friday, but I tweaked it sufficiently over the weekend and now everything is rainbows and kittens...uh, actually it's bondage and psychological conflict, but hey, who's keeping track? This is my Margaret Rowe stuff, a little darker and edgier...or something. ;)
I have to admit that my guy dialogue comes from what I think my DH, his friends, my brothers, etc. would say. I have had a lot of guy exposure over the course of my life and try to incorporate what they actually say or I believe they might say.
I think I would alter Crusie's statement to "Men think simply, write simply!" I have a short true story from one of my friends about her and her husband driving in the car:
Woman (sitting in the passenger seat alternately fidgeting and staring off into space)
Man (driving the car): What are you thinking?
Woman: Elyssa has a play date tomorrow at the same time Josh has orientation for pre-school, I have to call and see if I can drop Elyssa off early, I still need to shop for school clothes for both of them, your mother's birthday is in a couple of days and I still need to call her and see what she wants to do, I promised to bake something for Elyssa's next troop meeting and I haven't figured out whether it should be cookies or cupcakes - cause both are easy to handle but the cupcakes make more of a mess, and I just remembered I forgot to call and cancel my hair appointment I missed yesterday! What are you thinking about?
Man: Driving the car.
Maggie: Congrats on the proposal acceptance!!! :) Rainbows and kittens, bondage and psychological conflict--I mean, that's just apples and oranges there, hardly any difference if you think about it.
And Q, my DH is constantly asking me if my "Fine" really means "Fine" or means "I'm going to do this but I'm really pissed and you're going to pay later!"
So, I guess I can see your point on the female body language and stuff. I do have to say the older we get and the longer we're together the more "Fine" really does mean "Fine". I'm too tired and disoriented to dissemble these days.
I do have to say the older we get and the longer we’re together the more “Fine” really does mean “Fine”. I’m too tired and disoriented to dissemble these days.
ROTFLMAO. Too true. *LOL*
Irish: If I'd been drinking MD at the time I read "Driving the car" I would have short circuited my keyboard. Now THAT is a real conversation. *LOL*
On a personal note, I'd rather make the cupcakes. I find them less a hassle to make, and as long as I'm not cleaning the kids, screw it.
Irish, in my house, the questionable word is "Sure."I have stopped using it, because my husband accuses me of meaning "Absolutely not, you idiot."
Irish, two things about your story. I don't mean to pick on it, but it just makes me think - - a woman has to analyze, right. First, if a man would even ask, "what are you thinking?" it would floor me, and second, poor deluded me has got to believe there is something else going in his head besides just driving. My suspicious mind has all kinds of ulterior motives going on for the man. He's deliberately trying to distract the woman. He's probably a spy. :) There's a story there. lol There just HAS to be.
Yay for tweaked proposals that add bondage and result in kittens! (There's one of those things I never thought I'd say.)
Irish - I loved that convo. And I'd go with the cookies because I can buy those ready made ones and just place them on the cookie sheet. Well, the ones I don't eat before they hit the cookie sheet.
I think I've been single too long. LOL! I may have lost the ability to dissemble at all because if it's not fine, I'm thinking a guy would clearly know it with me. Mostly because I would say, "You're an idiot!" and be done with it.
Hence, the singleness.
My suspicious mind has all kinds of ulterior motives going on for the man. He’s deliberately trying to distract the woman. He’s probably a spy.
*snorts*
A truly suspicious mind would have turned to the man who asked this strange question and said, "Why do you want to know?"
Which would have prompted an argument.
All in all not a bad thing, clearly the guy was not content with having a silent road trip, for whatever reason.
Believe it or not I brought up the "He asked what your were thinking?" bit and she said she thought it was because she usually talks a lot and makes conversation and was being too quiet and had a faraway look in her eyes. Which I can totally see.
A lot of times the DH will ask what I'm thinking because he thinks he has to and not because he really wants to know. It's like a fearful, tentative "What are you thinking?", or a sigh and a weary "What are you thinking?"
Hellie said, "clearly the guy was not content with having a silent road trip, for whatever reason."
LOL See, he DID have an ulterior motive. All is right (or wrong) with my world.
And I also would have argued. As Terri says, hence, the singleness.
Yeah, Maggie another sure sign with me is "Whatever you want". He pretty much knows that means I'm ticked off.
“Whatever you want”.
This is clearly a loaded gun and any man who picks up a loaded gun deserves to be shot.
A lot of times the DH will ask what I’m thinking because he thinks he has to and not because he really wants to know.
Yes, many many times it's rhetorical. Maybe EVERY time. *LOL* I don't know whether to give them an A for effort or look out the window and say, "Don't bother. I'll call Terri in a half-hour and you won't have to worry about it."
And I also would have argued. As Terri says, hence, the singleness.
The reasons I'm single are so numerous, my father lost count 10 years ago.
RE: Maggie's Sherman's march analogy
I feel compelled to add that I live in a town where antebellum homes were spared because women organized a militia (which included a few males too old or too young to fight)and confronted (with a few weapons and a lot of words) a party from Sherman's army. :)
When all the hoopla was going on a few years back about the physiological differences in men's and women's brains, researchers discovered that some women's brains were more like men's and vice versa. These atypical brains were not connected to sexual orientation. Jane Pauley devoted a show to the topic, and her brain was more masculine. Maybe because I spent decades working with men engaged in a love affair with language, I know that there are men who converse as women do. Most are neither gay nor effiminate. In fact, a couple of them could rival rock stars in their conquests.
Maybe knowing this is why I have no problem with my first hero's expressive language. It seems logical that a man who writes song lyrics would do more than grunt and scratch. The heroes of Books 2 & 3 are much more apt to settle for monosyllables and an abundance of expletives.
Maybe because I spent decades working with men engaged in a love affair with language, I know that there are men who converse as women do. Most are neither gay nor effiminate. In fact, a couple of them could rival rock stars in their conquests.
Can I meet these guys?
I've seriously *got* to get out of this state. I work in education and at a University...I swear to God, most of them can barely write a literate email, let alone converse. I'd work in the English department but I know they wouldn't take me. I'm not sycophantic enough to work over there.
I do have to admit Janga, that my DH is quite the romantic and has written me poems and asked "What are you thinking" are really wants to know.
There have also been those time when I ask him what he's thinking and he says "Nothing" and means "Nothing"! I've also noticed recently (especially in dealing with the kids) that when trying to convey something to them he can absolutely do it in fewer words and expressions than I can. I just really, really feel the need to expound and explain!
I tried that once (recently as a matter of fact), Hellie - "Don't bother I'll call my sister and she can deal with me" and he got extremely upset! I'm thinking I'm making progress.
Which leads to another question - Does the age of the man in question have anything do with his willingness or ability to better converse?
I'm with you, Janga. The hero of my short story was a writer so I felt he could be a bit better at expressing things and that was my excuse.
Now I'm thinking of that Brad Paisley song I'm Still a Guy.
I must be married ta a mutant... Tho I won the word war some decades ago. When I got the quintensencial "I don't know" I would reach down his throat and find the words. He learned to actually vocalize thoughts after a few years of that.
When we miscommunicate now, it comes from the too polite to spit it out problem.
In fiction, I think I prefer the problems stemmin' from translation difficulties over a can't or won't communicate problem. The potential for having fun is so much larger.
I gots ta get outta bed earlier!
Terri, I think the man described in "I'm Still a Guy" is the quintessential romance hero. He can say the words AND take out the man who dares to "cop a feel." He admits that love might change him, BUT his pov remains masculine. Notice he's talking about it all. Sounds like romance hero material to me. In fact, I told Lisa Kleypas when she was visiting the EJ/JQ board that "I'm Still a Guy" was at the top of my mental playlist as I read SMOOTH TALKING STRANGE.
Chance - In other words, you've worked hard to train your man. Since we're talking heroes who are well known for not being trained, I don't think he counts. LOL!
Janga - EXACTLY! But Brad gets it right so much of the time. Even in ticks, when it's pretty much one pick up line after another, I want to hug him. LOL!
Umm . . . While I have encountered smooth talking I found strange from time to time, the title of Lisa Kleypas's book is SMOOTH TALKING STRANGER.
Janga (who is red-faced again)
I love this conversation. :)
Mags, congrats on your proposal, first off!!
As for the convo here.... DH and I's miscommunication generally stems from my tendency to see every shade of gray in the world and his tendency to see the world very black and white. To him, something's either right or wrong and to me, I try to dig deep for everyone's perspective. To me, there is no right and wrong, there's only understand.
And well, DH needs to be right all the time. LOL!! Very competitive. Bull in a china shop, no nuances.
He adores the crap out of me, don't get me wrong, but I know the surest way to start an argument between us is to respond to "I think X or Y is stupid" with "Well, hon, if you've ever thought about X or Y like this..."
See? That should be "don't you hate THAT...."
We knew exactly what you meant. LOL! But don't you hate the Wordpress won't let you just edit the thing? LOL! I cringe at some of my typos in here.
Marn - I'm all gray area and Hellie is more black & white. We have some doozy debates. LOL! (She'd say arguments, but I say debates. See what I mean?)
I’m all gray area and Hellie is more black & white.
That is a baldfaced lie. There have been debates we've had when I'm clearly the GRAY area and you're all Black and White.
And the word is PURIST.
LOL! SEE! She'll argue just to get me going...
*whistles innocently*
Great blog and conversation!!
First I have to share some great news- my 15 y.o. nephew is going to make a full recovery after being hit by a minivan friday night. They have him in leg braces and a back brace, but he was up and walking in PT yesterday! WOOHOO!
When I write male dialogue, I have to remember that they don't have as many words as women do. What I mean is that I may call some maroon, brick, or cranberry, and he's going to say red.
If I have a question about whether a guy would say something, I run it past my hubby.
Di
Confession: I love writing the man's pov. But, they do stupid things, say stupid things, and don't think how we women think. I still love them.
This blog kind of reminds me of a scene in AYW, my mss, where the hero and heroine are fighting:
Sitting down, she picked up a chicken finger and waved it at him. “You’re emotionally constipated.”
“I’m--what?”
“Emotionally constipated,” she repeated. “Get the ketchup, will you?”
He grabbed the ketchup bottle and headed over to where she sat. “Just because I’m not some guy who talks about his feelings and cries over Hallmark commercials does not make me emotionally constipated. It makes me a man.”
God, I really do love Aubry. He was so much fun to write.
Also have to add that I'm an equal opportunity writer, so my female characters mess up, too. I just try to make each character "real" and "true" to themselves.
Ely - You're going to tease us for months, aren't you? LOL!
Di - Happy to hear about the nephew getting better. That's horrible. Must have been a long, stressful weekend for everyone. Here's to "up and walking!"
Terri, whatever would make you think that? *innocent look*
I actually have to do some revisions--nothing major thankfully--before we submit it.
I am completely in love with Dodd's banter. Her heroes always feel very real to me. And they are usually SO obtuse. I also like that she doesn't "fix" the men. Her couples are like real couples. Down the line they can and will get into arguments have miscommunications and the whole bit but their love is steadfast and strong. Am reading Dodd's newest book right now and am so in love.
Also, Ely writes teh awesomest heroes EVAH!:)
Di, what a scare! I'm so thankful your nephew is recovering.
Ely, Aubry sounds delicious.
And well, DH needs to be right all the time. LOL!! Very competitive. Bull in a china shop, no nuances.
I have this problem too. Good thing I'm always right!
Actually I dated an Aquarian once--and it was a competition all the time about which of us was the most right. Man, it got ugly. And I remember going to dinner with another couple and the other couple would just huddle miserably on the other side of the table because the Aquarian and I were trying to outwit each other. He was a wit. He was also a few other things that rhyme with wit. Brutal.
That couple was GLAD when we broke up so they didn't have to eat with us.
Ely, I'm going to have to go with Terri on this (even if she does think she's the gray thinker and not the black-and-whiter--WHAT. EVER.)--you can't tease us for the next 12 months. We're pirates. We'll make you give us ARCs.
You mean we weren't going to do that anyway? Why do we have these cutlasses if we're not going to use them?
*throws down weapon and stomps off*
Di R: Happy to hear the good news about your nephew! I'd agree about the words thing, except that the guy I'm dating knows colors like "ecru" and "terracotta", so that doesn't always work.
I also like that she doesn’t “fix” the men. Her couples are like real couples. Down the line they can and will get into arguments have miscommunications and the whole bit but their love is steadfast and strong.
*sighs, sentimental* That's the best kind of love there. Provided you don't smother him with chicken tenders first.
Couples use the ole black and white vs gray to poke at each other. Me lad does it. Makes totally outrageious statements trying to bait me out of the book and into his world...
It's sorta adorable...sometimes.
Hellie, how do you argue with Terrio? Wait until she takes a breath? One day I'm gonna be in the same room to watch this...
Love ya, Terrio!
Are you saying I talk too much?
*picks up weapon again*
I’d agree about the words thing, except that the guy I’m dating knows colors like “ecru” and “terracotta”, so that doesn’t always work.
Hellie - Those sound like gay words... ;)
Why do we have these cutlasses if we’re not going to use them?
Because it looks good with my outfit.
Duh.
Hellie - Those sound like gay words…
That's what I told him. And being he's competitive, he had to prove me wrong.
Hellie, how do you argue with Terrio?
You can only argue with her by email. In person, it's practically impossible to converse with her about normal subjects. You're forced to go "uh-huh, uh-huh" because you don't want to cut across whatever point she's making in order to make yours. Unfortunately she's figured out some way to breathe where she makes one point and launches into another one--so you don't even get address her first point, before she's taken a breath and galloped off with her next point.
If you're going to argue with her, do it by email.
*snicker.
Glad that worked out fer ya, Hellie. That be the way ta challenge a man...
Terrio, I'm not sayin' ya talk too much. I'm sayin' ya talks fast and Hellie's right, ya mastered the breathin' while talkin'... I fear me ears couldn't keep up wit' ya in DC. I fear I missed a lot in DC. Was thinkin' I may wants ta talk ta me MD 'bout my hearin'...
But if'n ya want ta practice yer cutlass skills, I'm game!
When did this become gang up on Bo'sun day? Did I miss a memo somewhere?
Chance - I thought I was talking slower in DC. *sigh* Believe it or not, I've slowed down A LOT since before my radio days. Speed talking on the radio doesn't really work well.
Nah, I truly do think I need ta talk ta the doc 'bout me hearin'. DC were loud, but I usually do better.
If'n what ya were sayin' were a problem...then we'd be gangin' up on ya. It ain't. Ya be an interestin' conversationalist...
Ya ever considered bein' an auction...how do you spell that? ;) Auctioner? (That can't be right...)
I went through a bunch a' me diaologue last night after readin' this blog...tryin' ta figure out what I do and whether it works. Ta be honest, I won't know till I get someone ta read and comment. I think me men sound like men...but who knows?
I'm gonna stick wit' the bit 'bout priorities...
Terri would rock as an auctioneer. *LOL*
I'm sorry, Terr, but I can't imagine this is you talking slower. In fact the thought that it is makes me shiver. *LOL*
Then again, maybe I'm southern and just talk slower...but I remember being told to slow down in my speech as a kid. So I know I can/do talk fast. Maybe you're just excited about everything you talk about.
This chain of comments is exactly why I love stopping by The Revenge all the time. You pirates crack me up!
This chain of comments is exactly why I love stopping by The Revenge all the time. You pirates crack me up!
See, Terr, Sabrina likes a good gang bang.
I'd heard that about her.
Yes, this is me slower. When I was younger, my aunt wouldn't talk to me unless she could watch my face. She said it was easier if she could read my lips.
I only speed up now when I want to harass my sister or something. I've never thought of being an auctioneer, but that would be fun. LOL!
Maybe I'll hold an auction on the ship some time. We could auction off dates with the Hotties. For charity of course. (Or to restock the rum.)
Restocking the rum is for charity don't you know.
Who the hell is Charity? And what is she doin' muckin' 'bout wit' me rum?
Sabrina got a nice guest at her blog, taday, crew. Sounds like a paranormal series Sin might like... Sin?
You have to admit, we're more likely to have someone on this ship named Charity than Chastity.
Just sayin'....
I watched the book trailer over on Sabrina's blog. That is one conflicted dude.
Anyone on this boat named Chastity is clearly a misnomer. As well as anyone named Prudence or Virtue.
Those Puritans were weird.
Charity and Chastity 'ave no place on pirate ship. Let's feed 'em ta the Kraken.
LOL!
Terrio - My dad was an auctioneer and used to entertain all the kids with it. Great parlor trick!
Thanks Chance for the mention of the blog - I do have an interview with Rita Herron and am giving away copies of her latest book Dark Hunger. It's a yummy cover...:)
Wishful thinkin'?
How come no one is ever named Lotterywinner?
I could have been Bestseller...
I worked with a girl many years ago who named her kid SEACRIT REALITIE. No. Shit.
My ex's cousin named her daughter Memory Lane.
These people should be flogged.
Sabrina - He could have been assigning chores and all the kids were so excited I bet they kept raising their hands not knowing they were volunteering. LOL!
Dude, it would have only taken ONE time of being assigned a chore via auctioneering and I would have not fallen for that again.
Though that reminds me of visiting Island Girl recently. Her husband keeps those kids jumping--assigning chores to keep them busy--and he was yelling out names and chores one after the other, like a drill sargeant, until my friends and I were ready to leap up and start doing something--and he turns to the baby (4 weeks) and yells, "Naia, why are you just sitting there? Get up, get your things and put them away!"
We just cracked up.
Those people should DEFINITELY be flogged.
The thing that annoys me most about my name is I get this a lot: "Your name is not bad. It's a pretty name. Are you Catholic?" Nope.
What Hell and Catholic go together? ;)
I had a score of cousins that kept naming their kids after booze. Kahlua was the first... And now I got a great niece named Baylee. (Like the spelling fools anyone!)
Chance - ROTFLMAO!!!
Ok - speaking of names - mine was a doozy but thinking if I ever write erotica I'll go back to my maiden name.....
WOODY!
You wouldn't believe the torment when I was a kid. Hubby was suprised when I said I was taking his name - I was like "Are you kidding me? It's the only reason I'm marrying you!"
Only if'n ya work in the porn industry would that be a good idea...
Well since at this time I'm not figuring to do either one, I think I'm safe!
That Catholic thing is funny. I have a totally Catholic name, but I don't use it so no one knows it. LOL!
When I first started writing I didn't want to use my real name since the last name is my ex's and, ya know, I sort of hoped I wouldn't keep it. But it's looking more and more like it'll be the name on my tombstone so I might as well embrace it, right?
Which is better, being named after a drink or a place? I think I'd rather be named after a place. Unless it's Kalamazoo or something.
Now, Chance Bacardi... Ah, I found me erotica pen name!
Guess that depends on the place, don't it? Terrio Frisco? Terrio Angeles? Terrio St. Louis... Terrio Orleans...
OK, those aren't bad...
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