Sunday, December 18, 2011

Completely Sacreligious But Still Funny

*Bo'sun taps a music stand with her whistle* Since it's the week of Christmas, we're pulling out our favorite blogs of Christmas past. This is probably my favorite parody so once again, to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, everyone look lively and sing out.

Drink up ye scurvy pirate crew

Let no rum go to waste

Remember, Chance, our bartender

Will mix your drink to taste

So every wench gets what she wants

And we all stay shit-faced

O tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

O tidings of nookie and rum

Marn: Hal can’t really get shit-faced, so I’m going to have her share.

Bo’sun: Have at it, Marn. You’re doing it for the children.

Hal: Thanks, guys. Y’all are making me weepy.

In Port Royal and Tortuga

The streets are filled with cheer

Come join the fun and raise a glass

Careful, don’t spill your beer

It’s Christmas time, drink up the wine

Get drunk and flash your….arse

O tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

O tidings of nookie and rum

Sin: The last thing we need is to encourage arse flashing on this ship.

Bo’sun: That encouragement was for the Hotties.

Sin: Oh, I’m good then.

Hellie wants her Captain Jack

And Sin wants new ice picks

Hal just wants to GET IT OUT!

And Marn wants plotting tricks

DRD wants more Hotties

With great big thick wallets

O tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

O tidings of nookie and rum

Donna: How did you know?!

Bo’sun: You told me.

Donna: Oh yeah, I did. Fingers crossed!

Chance: What about me?!

Bo’sun: You got a contract, you’re done until 2012.

I hope you like my pirate tune

I wrote it just for you

There is one thing I’m wishing for

A whistle that is new

And if there’s room in Santa’s sack

Please bring Keith Urban too

O tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

O tidings of nookie and rum

Hellie: Nicole isn’t going to like that.

Bo’sun: She’s on location, she’ll never know.

Chance: I still can’t believe I don’t get anything.

Bo’sun: Suck it up, butterbean. I’ll buy you a drink in New York.

We have two extra pirates

We did not have before

One is an Assassin

A killer we adore

The other is a cute Scapegoat

We make do all the chores

O tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

O tidings of nookie and rum

The pirates on this vessel

Are bitchy and uncouth

They drink too much and sleep too much

And some are even loose

But even we can smile and say

Happy holidays to youtz

Oh, tidings of nookie and rum

Nookie and rum

Oh tidings of nookie and rummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


Other than Hal no longer being preggers and Chance and I never making it to New York, this seems to hold up. And so does the question. Tell us what one gift you’re expecting on Christmas morn. What did you ask for that someone had better get you if they want to live? And thanks for hanging with us for another year. Drinks all around!!!


2nd Chance said...

I'm expecting that the husband took the big hint and got me this awesome bracelet we found on line...goldtoned octopi linked together... If he gets me something totally non-kraken related when that was the one thing I specified...his ass is grass.

And ya can buy me a drink in Anaheim!

I do adore this carol and must gather all our pirate carols together in a booklet for next we can have a real caroling party!

Quantum said...

Bosun that's brilliant!
I had no idea that you had such rhyming talent.

That refrain of 'Oh tidings of nookie and rum' hits the spot and is going to echo in my head all day .... and might creep into the Carol Service later on. LOL

What can a man who has (pretty well) everything ask for?
The flashy sports car won't fit into my stocking.
Donna hasn't published her next book yet.
The rest of you haven't published any books yet, apart from Leslie, and assassins for Christmas aint right.
I know. It will have to be Chance's latest book.
Together with some nookie and rum! LOL

Donna Cummings said...

This was wonderful! I'm going to be humming it all day. LOL

I only WISH there were Hotties here today. Dang. It got so freakin' cold overnight. At least there isn't any of the "s" word right now. (Hope I didn't jinx anything.)

Q, I'm working to get the next one finished, but alas, you've already read it. LOL I'll have to use my time off more productively. :)

Have a great day, pirates!

Hellion said...

I feel like we're majorly letting Q down. I hate that feeling.

I love this song. Your version even improves the original--and I'm glad you brought it out again and added the new verse! :)

As for Christmas gifts, I unwrapped mine last night. And its alarm clock is faulty because we were supposed to wake up at 6 am, but his alarm clock is set at 5:30. Hence why I'm up now. Any bets want to be made I'll still somehow be late for work? Any takers?

If we're talking about other tangible dream gift is still an iPod. But when I don't get it, I won't be disappointed. I'm still more grateful right now for my job, my apartment, my basics met--and my family being in relative health. (Very glad to have my Dad another Christmas.) I *would* love to find a great deal on some prime rib to make some for Christmas...with some popovers and salt roasted new potatoes. :) I know that's not a fun answer and I would yell at you guys if you did it to me, but it's true. *LOL*

I guess I wouldn't mind a slightly early copy of Eloisa James' new book. :) That's within the realm of possibility, right? *LOL* And it would make me very very happy.

Marnee Bailey said...

I liked this one the first time and I love it more now. :)

Present under the tree? I don't even have anything I want this year. There's a handbag I was looking at but I told DH to wait.

I'd like these revisions to be done by Christmas, though I know that's not happening either. If I get them done by end of January I'll be happy. I'm making some progress, but it's not as quick as I hope.

Next story, I'm writing fast, no matter the feelings of insecurity about how it sucks. With the revision process I'm in right now, I am practically rewriting. So why bother too much on the first draft?

(Oh, wait. Some of you already know this secret. This isn't news to you folks right? Carry on....)

Hellion said...

With the revision process I’m in right now, I am practically rewriting. So why bother too much on the first draft?

Knowing and accepting are two different things. We all know it, but how many of us actually do it? Exactly.

Glad the revisions are going well!

Bosun said...

Dang Wordpress! Since I ran that update last week, it's not sending me emails when y'all comment. Gah! I depend on those emails!!! Must get our Webmistress on that...

I should have specified this is my favorite parody of my own writing. But there are many others in our archives I adore as well. LOL! Happy this little ditty could put a smile on your faces as we head into the big holiday week.

I'm desperate for winter clothes so I'm just hoping for lots of gift cards. Can't think of anything else. Oh, a RAISE! That would be nice, but I don't think it's coming. *sigh*

Marn - I decided last night I want my revisions done by Jan 31. And I've yet to move beyond the first 50 pages. LOL! We will dig and push and cheer each other on!

Hellion said...

Check your spam. That's where mine went. Unspam it and you should get it back.

Bosun said...

Nothing was in my spam. Are you getting emails every day whether you posted the blog or not?

And it's a Monday all over here at the office. I'll be quiet a bit this morning until I dig out...

Hellion said...

No, I don't get emails whether I post or not. I just noticed last week I didn't get the notification email saying someone posted. I finally looked in my SPAM and found it. Hmmm. Wonder what is up.

Bosun said...

Mo said she wasn't getting emails on Friday either. I've asked Carrie to check into it. The settings are still the same, so it's very weird.

Scapegoat said...

Sorry I'm late to the party - excellent verses Bo'Sun!

As for presents, the hubby and I haven't given presents in a few years. We love to travel so we save all of our pennies for that. We still decorate, put up the tree and do gifts for family and friends, but we just save $$ by not giving to each other.

2nd Chance said...

But be aware, Scape dresses her dogs funny. So really, she owes them some awesome gifts Christmas morning!

Yes, please fix the update stuff because I bet my Wordpress site will now stop notifying me also, since we upgraded it last night!

Q - I'm editing as fast as I can! The Pirate Circus is due out the first week of February!

Bosun said...

Now I'm imagining all of us sending Q some nookie & rum for Christmas. LOL!

How do you wrap nookie? (I mean, I know how to UNwrap it...)

Hellion said...

Well, when I wrap nookie, I put on my cutest, sexiest underwear...but this is after I've had a hot bath, a slow shave, and slathered on a bunch of scented lotion--

Too much info?

Bosun said...

I'm off to scrub my brain now.

Hellion said...

I just got caught eating a banana at my desk, and the male receptionist who caught me was laughing so hard, he couldn't give me the phone message. Men.

Of course, it could have been the "Oh, shit" chipmunk look on my face when he rounded the corner. Who knows?

Sin said...

Honestly, Hells-- you don't wrap nookie. You leave it naked as God intended.

But you still use the good sexy smelly lotion to confuse the nookie prey.

carrie said...


Hellion said...

It is SO EASY to confuse Nookie Prey.

carrie said...


2nd Chance said...

Guys...we're being tested...

God? Is that you?

2nd Chance said...

Santa Carrie? I've been a very good pirate... And I want a brain plug in to cure my lack of memory, a time turner to gain the time I keep losing, and the skill to understand how to make the best uses of the internet to promote myself.

Or a case of Kraken rum, which will make the rest not matter...

Hellion said...

Deerhunter already told me that he told Santa I had been a bad pirate this year and I wasn't getting any gifts from Santa. So I'm not going to bother to ask. *LOL* Though I love Mo's list.

Bosun said...

I need more coffee. I read that first request as "butt" plug. LOL!