Thursday, October 7, 2010
Inventions Needed!
Friday again and we’re searching the seven seas and beyond, on the look out for the items we really, really, really need as writers. I’ve considered the possibilities and come up with a few I know I would find useful and some I believe friends would find useful.
Other than the usual… The writer room where we can shut ourselves away from distractions…something that is really impractical in this modern world. So many distractions to choose from… And I don’t have an extra room, unless I tackle the clutter room and that would take me away from writing for far too long.
So! I came up with a few ideas. We just need some intrepid inventors to put these together…
#1 – An oldie but a goodie. The writer’s GPS. That friendly little computer voice that is following along as we write and will let us know when he need to take a turn toward more conflict, for example. We could enter in destination: humor…and get directions on how to do that. Yes, an oldie, but a goodie. Desperately needed.
#2 – The Shock-o-Finger. I see this as an offshoot of the Schick Centers, once used for weight loss and to stop smoking. They used to use electrical current to train a person to dislike smoking, or chocolate cake. I figure…we need one that will shock us or poke us (for those of us who regular shocks could actually interact adversely with implanted devices) whenever we pause too long at the keyboard. Go too long without typing and *zap! (or *poke!). Push that starring off into nowhere into actual action…
Of course, this would need to come with the big bloke carrying the big club to corral us into actually sitting and pulling the computer out.
(We’re not stupid, we’d figure out pretty fast the easiest way to avoid the shock or poke is to never sit down at the computer in the first place.)
Now, if you write kink, the guy with the club can hold a whip. If you write historical, your own Mr. Darcy who will politely urge you to your computer. Sci fi? A borg will simply state ‘resistance is futile.’ Mysteries? ‘elementary, my dear writer!’
It’s a working idea…
#3 – The Sagging Middle Corset. Something we can simply lace our stories into to provide that needed curve and firmness to get from the beginning to the end. Just sort of push and shove the saggy stuff into some sweet curves. With time, corset training would begin to work and maybe we’d all find our way to that lovely shape without the added bones and lacing.
(Uh huh. Right.)
#4 – The auto shut off of social media programs. This would allot only a certain amount of time to Facebook, Twitter, blog surf and e-mail…then it would just shut them off. This could be programmed to block certain distractions…(you know who you are and what you’re doing!) And return your computer screen to the current WIP. Once you’ve written, oh…say 500 words or 1000, your computer will unlock the social media and you’re allowed another bit of recess before hustling the writer back to actual work.
#5 – The Warm Arm. Not to be totally mean, I figure a warm arm across the shoulders would be a nice writer’s invention. Pop this into the microwave, get it nice and toasty and drape it across the shoulders while you write. It will periodically flex and a preprogrammed voice will softly say, “Good job! I like that!”
(I’d like to follow the lines of that British website where sexy sounding guys read works of literature. So, let’s get Johnny, Alan…some really nice voices. Q – How about Angelie Jolie?)
This could be substituted with a cat form that sits on the lap and gentle kneads the thighs with the occasional purr. Or the dog head that gentle sets a chin on the thigh and a rhythmic *thump *thump or a simulated tail wag sounds.
What do you need for your imaginary writer’s invention? And no cheating! No, I need a robot writer to do it all! Nope, these inventions are about helping us find our way through the blocks, the distractions, etc. Well?
Other than the usual… The writer room where we can shut ourselves away from distractions…something that is really impractical in this modern world. So many distractions to choose from… And I don’t have an extra room, unless I tackle the clutter room and that would take me away from writing for far too long.
So! I came up with a few ideas. We just need some intrepid inventors to put these together…
#1 – An oldie but a goodie. The writer’s GPS. That friendly little computer voice that is following along as we write and will let us know when he need to take a turn toward more conflict, for example. We could enter in destination: humor…and get directions on how to do that. Yes, an oldie, but a goodie. Desperately needed.
#2 – The Shock-o-Finger. I see this as an offshoot of the Schick Centers, once used for weight loss and to stop smoking. They used to use electrical current to train a person to dislike smoking, or chocolate cake. I figure…we need one that will shock us or poke us (for those of us who regular shocks could actually interact adversely with implanted devices) whenever we pause too long at the keyboard. Go too long without typing and *zap! (or *poke!). Push that starring off into nowhere into actual action…
Of course, this would need to come with the big bloke carrying the big club to corral us into actually sitting and pulling the computer out.
(We’re not stupid, we’d figure out pretty fast the easiest way to avoid the shock or poke is to never sit down at the computer in the first place.)
Now, if you write kink, the guy with the club can hold a whip. If you write historical, your own Mr. Darcy who will politely urge you to your computer. Sci fi? A borg will simply state ‘resistance is futile.’ Mysteries? ‘elementary, my dear writer!’
It’s a working idea…
#3 – The Sagging Middle Corset. Something we can simply lace our stories into to provide that needed curve and firmness to get from the beginning to the end. Just sort of push and shove the saggy stuff into some sweet curves. With time, corset training would begin to work and maybe we’d all find our way to that lovely shape without the added bones and lacing.
(Uh huh. Right.)
#4 – The auto shut off of social media programs. This would allot only a certain amount of time to Facebook, Twitter, blog surf and e-mail…then it would just shut them off. This could be programmed to block certain distractions…(you know who you are and what you’re doing!) And return your computer screen to the current WIP. Once you’ve written, oh…say 500 words or 1000, your computer will unlock the social media and you’re allowed another bit of recess before hustling the writer back to actual work.
#5 – The Warm Arm. Not to be totally mean, I figure a warm arm across the shoulders would be a nice writer’s invention. Pop this into the microwave, get it nice and toasty and drape it across the shoulders while you write. It will periodically flex and a preprogrammed voice will softly say, “Good job! I like that!”
(I’d like to follow the lines of that British website where sexy sounding guys read works of literature. So, let’s get Johnny, Alan…some really nice voices. Q – How about Angelie Jolie?)
This could be substituted with a cat form that sits on the lap and gentle kneads the thighs with the occasional purr. Or the dog head that gentle sets a chin on the thigh and a rhythmic *thump *thump or a simulated tail wag sounds.
What do you need for your imaginary writer’s invention? And no cheating! No, I need a robot writer to do it all! Nope, these inventions are about helping us find our way through the blocks, the distractions, etc. Well?
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35 comments:
I actually have a few patents so do qualify as an inventor.
You have to think IC.
IC is the integrated circuit that lies inside your computer.
IC is the inner critic that makes all those suggestions for change.
IC is the inner child that urges you to play and laugh.
The latter two need to be linked to the first with a sultry seductive encouraging computer voice. Joanna Lumley has the perfect voice for the job.
She can be the control center for a carrot and stick approach.
"No scotch for you my lad, unless you improve this rubbishy characterization"
"Come on Q, I know you can do it"
"Oh Q! That's wonderful. You're so masterful and strong. No woman will be able to put you down"
Stop me quick. Before I get carried away! :lol:
Hilarious post and comment! I love to watch new inventor show. That's why your post catches my eyes. I'll link about this at my site later on. For me, I need some inventions to help me decide how to kill/treat the bad guys as I'm into non-violence.
Hmm, how about every time my bad guy writer block occurs, the Joker will pop up on the computer and give my virtual self some bashing...
My Darcy Mutates
Q, I love that! You're inspired. :) I particularly like combining the Inner Critic and Inner Child (as long as they don't squabble like siblings like to do. LOL)
I'm not so good at inventions. I'm going to have to ponder this some more. (Or put my name as co-inventor on everyone else's inventions. LOL)
Well, I wouldn't mind a laptop that acted like one of those player pianos, so it could SOUND like I'm typing when I'm not. LOL I don't know that it would do any good, but it sounds fun!
Note to self: No commenting before coffee.
Chance, I forgot to say I love all your inventions. You're so creative. :) I am in awe. I wish I had the Warm Arm right now -- sounds SO delightful. And I suppose I *need* the Social Medial switch-off. LOL
But I definitely would love the GPS. :)
Great post, girlie!
This blog is AWESOME! I can't believe I'm going to miss today. Damn it! I need all of these inventions, but my favorite is the sagging middle corset. LOL! That is inspired!
Can I say I need a life robot to do all the other things I have to do so that I can focus on writing? Someone to pack and pay bills and load the dishwasher and do the laundry and scoop the litter box. And, oh yeah, there's that damn day job.
But not today! I'm hitting the road. I'll be checking back in tonight and I can't wait to read about all the new inventions.
I love the auto shut off for social media. I really need to get me one of those....
I'd really like someone to come up with words for me. I search the thesaurus, but sometimes I'm still stuck thinking "Is that the right way to say that?" I need someone to put words in my mouth. And not my husband. If I left my writing to him, I'd have the phase "Tunnel of Love" in there. He's been nagging me to include it for years now. (Good thing he leaves the writing up to me.)
I love the warm shoulder thing. It'd have to be machine washable though.
Q - A gentleman who believes in using the positive reinforcement method to push the written word. That is one way to do it!
Alas, all my inventions involve a big stick and some suffering. I must contemplate what this says about me... ;-)
Welcome aboard, Enid! So, yer looking for more of a plot device invent. We need a Spin-the-Wheel of Commupance for you. Help you push past that reluctance to give out what is deserved.
I sense, somehow, that you need something non-punishing. If you had options...perhaps the block wouldn't occur!
So! What to do when the villain misbehaves... Spin-the-Wheel! Eaten by alligators! Another spin! Falls in pit, then eaten by alligators! Another spin! Loses hand to pet alligator!
(Did I dream about Peter Pan last night, or what?)
And thanks for the linking stuff! We love that!
Donna - Interesting segue! A player laptop...now you sure this isn't about how it's actually doing the work? Or you just want it to sound like it's doing the work!
;-)
Hmmm...just the sound? How, pray tell, would this assist you in keeping ass in chair, fingers on keys? Inspiration? Because you'd be curious and have to sit down to see what might be showing up? Competition? (I can type faster than that!)
Okay, maybe this would encourage, but I'm not sure. I'm keeping on eye on you today!
Yeah, sure, Donna. Blame it on coffee...
*snort
Bo'sun! Ya'll be missed today. Safe trip!
I suppose a helper to leave ya free to sit and write isn't outside the paramenters of this little experiement...
As long as this robot straps you to the chair and smacks you in the back of the head (gently, because they can be very strong!) to make sure you write while they do all the nuisance chores!
Marn - Machine washable? What, you gonna be wiping snotty noses with it?
;-)
So, we need a portable thesarus-bot. Maybe we can make some adjustments to the arm thing. It can whisper sweet alternatives when prompted...
I say write the story for the husband and get him outta your head. I'm sure you could do it!
Hilarious! *LOL*
If you write historical, your own Mr. Darcy who will politely urge you to your computer.
I want to take up writing historicals immediately. I see there was no equivalent if you wrote contemporaries (which is what I write).
I obviously need the auto shut off for social media. PERFECT. And I like the reward system in place as well. A nice balance. *LOL*
Mmm, what about some kind of holodeck thing where my characters appear in all their 3-D glory? So I can see them outside my very crowded brain? I'm sure that would be good to have!
Well, Hellion, I don't know contemporaries very well, feel free to program in your given fancyman to encourage you to open the laptop. What's the guy from the Kleypass books? Hardy Cates?
Or you can ask the guy who portrays Wolverine to see you to the chair...
;-)
Hmmmm... Donnaroo, I worry that invention might serve as nothing more than another tool of avoidance. You won't be writing if you're gawking and cooing at your characters...
*crooked eye
We all know how good you are at avoidance!
Dude if I had Hardy Cates lounging on my couch, I would not be writing.
Ah, but what if it's just his voice, on the arm, whispering good things to you when you write?
Oh dear -- and here I thought I'd trick you into believing I was trying to be productive! LOL
I know! I need a machine that will translate my sentences so that you will THINK I am saying something when I'm saying something else.
Okay, sorry. There's a woodpecker-ish bird that's developed a crush on the roof outside my window. I may have to head out to my "office" soon.
Perhaps we need a Soothe-A-Helmet attachment, Donna. To ease away the outside sounds...such as lovesick woodpeckers.
I could dig this. I want the sounds of crashing waves, creaking sails, full of wind, the occassional piratical command shouted out... Maybe even a fan attachment to fill the air with the smell of the sea.
Oh, think Starbucks would object?
I could use a helmet, Chance. LOL Actually I like that. You could have different settings, based on whether you're writing a Regency, or contemp. It could be "Show-Don't-Tell-avision". LOL
I don't want to be on the roads today -- the traffic is usually insane on the day before a 3-day weekend -- which technically means it's a 4-day weekend. LOL
It's a three day weekend coming up? Uh...what did I miss?
Columbus Day weekend. :)
Ah! You mean Indigineous People Day!
*snort ;-)
I forget about that one since it isn't celebrated much anymore. I do remember once upon a time, when it was a day off of school...
LOL -- I only keep track of 3-day weekends so I can stay away from certain locales because of traffic. :) The drivers are bad enough here without being stuck in traffic with them!
In this college town, we keep track of when school starts and when there are parades, celebrations, etc. For example, I will not travel north today because they are setting up a fireworks display for tonight. Fund raiser for local schools.
Yes, we wait until the tourists have gone home to fire off fireworks in Santa Cruz.
And three exits to the north of us will be insane tonight!
I know what you mean about schools -- same thing here. Plus, you can only really drive between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. without hitting traffic (or sitting in it. LOL)
Holiday traffic will actually be fine tomorrow, so I'll wait til then to go out and about.
Summer traffic is the worst! Good thing there is that wonderful invention...the traffic cam! I can check the worst offenders on line before I head out and decide which direction to go...
And I'm here! But now I'm gonna be gone. I need a robot to walk the dog so I can never leave my chair! No, I'd end up with a wider ass than I have right now and I need the fresh air, a chance to stare out at the waves...breath the autumn air and then take my place at the Freedom Starbucks...
Be back in an hour or so!
Great, original post, Chance!
I definitely need a device to cut off the social media. I've done practically nothing today but answer email, tweet, and post. Such things are important though. Maybe what I need is an alarm as irritating as my alarm clock and that works the same way too--getting louder and louder until it's shut off manually. It would need to start if I stayed on the social media sites over an hour and it should stop only when I pull up the WIP and start typing.
Ahoy, Janga!
I thought that was one of my best ideas. It seems like there ought to be a way to tweek some of the parental filters thingies the folks are using to make sure junior isn't off oogling co-eds instead of doing his homework...
I like how you want some warning and time to ease away from all of it. I propose to just turn it off. I'm so much cold-hearted than you!
I do agree it's important...and I'm going to be diving into it much more in the coming months, but I still need a way for those hours in the social web to be about a goal other than avoiding the work at hand!
Well, figured this would go better than this! Oh, well! Time to take off and walk the dog, eat some lunch... Tata for now!
Okay, next Friday, I'm writing about sex.
I'm here!!!
*glances around empty deck littered with empty bottles*
Huh, guess they all had something better to do on a Friday night. Yes, it's a three day weekend, which I made a four day weekend, and the traffic wasn't too bad until the end. I'm going home a different way on Monday!
I believe Marn's warm shoulder will be need to be washable due to baby stuff. Stuff that comes "up" when burping. :)
I want the hologram thingy. And I'd take Hardy Cates looking down my shir....err...over my shoulder any time. That plot-o-bot sounds more like a fairy writing godmother!
As I said, next week I write about sex.
Glad to see you made it to yer destination.
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