Tuesday, April 13, 2010

True Confessions of a Writer: Missionary Bores Me.

Okay, I’m going to put a warning on this. I don’t want a repeat of the glorious “picture” incident with Hellie. Trust me. If I close my eyes, I can still see it.  Literally startled the hell out of me. (Thanks a lot, GPS.) If you’re at work where other people can glance over your shoulder and raise their eyebrows at the type of stuff you read on your work computer, this blog may not be for you. And if you just don’t care and say fck it on a daily basis, rock on. I can respect that.

So clear your mind and think of the possibilities. Any of these strike your character's fancy?

Chandelier? Table? Backseat of a vehicle? Office? Dressing room in a retail store? Nightclub? Motorcycle? Park bench? Hotel balcony? Fed Ex truck. (sorry there is one across the street and it sparked my muse.) Truck bed? Barn roof, tack room, hay loft? Coat closet? Pool table?

I have a confession to make. And to quote an LL Cool J song, “Conventional methods kinda bore me”. That’s right. I said it. I need action. I need excitement. I need… hm, Ranger in the Explorer under a street light on a stake out.

I’m talking about sex scenes. Writing about anything in the norm puts me to sleep. Living a normal life? Boring. Stuck in a routine? Boring. Lay on your back and take it like a champ? Borrrr- ring. This might be because I lead a semi-vanilla real life. I mean no offense when I say this, but vanilla every time bores the hell out of me.

I enjoy the occasional vanilla story. (Mostly because I enjoy historicals and you can’t exactly have your historical heroine ride someone reverse cowgirl in front of a mirror right off the bat. Seems a bit too bold and contemporary.)  I’m not picking on the writers who write these stories. There is a HUGE market for vanilla. Vanilla is good but I’m a swirl kind of girl with sprinkles. So when I write, I think about all the places that could be and I go for it. I don’t have anything to lose by attempting to write it other than a horrible faking attempt and I’m a writer. One of the very first rules of writing a good sex scene is don’t get caught faking it. Or if you do, never confess to the faking. Fake the reason you faked it.

I feel like we’ve all run into stereotypical sex scene writing comments and expectations of our lives outside of writing. I have some confessions to make today, and I can’t wait to hear some of yours.

True Confession Number 1:  Just because I wrote a sex scene where the hero pushes the heroine against the wall and gets more than hot and heavy and sweaty against the door of his apartment where everyone can hear; or the heroine reverse cowgirls the hero in front of the mirror so they can both watch; or the heroine strips for the hero and video tapes it… doesn’t mean I do this is on a daily basis in my personal life.

Trust me; I’d love to attempt half the scenes I write. Maybe not the video taping one. I don’t want to see that. I’d have performance anxiety after that because I wouldn’t be able to stop from critiquing myself. Writing a sex scene is about being able to act out private fantasies (at least in my world) on paper. The thought of sex in unusual places is intriguing to me. How far can you push something without getting caught? It gets me every time. Nothing hotter than attempting something you’re not sure you’d attempt in your every day life because let’s face it. We all live vicariously through our characters.

True Confession Number 2: You are not going to receive a scarlet letter or a permanent marking on your being for writing a sex scene a little wilder than vanilla.

Your face may flame thinking about what you just wrote, but no one is gonna know you think about those things but you. At least until you’ve sold about a million copies and even if you sell one, I say to hell with it. I’m a big girl. I can write what I want.

True, we all have professional and personal lives. That’s what pen names and secret lives are for. You think if the Mattycakes ever read a sex scene that I wrote that he wouldn’t look at me with a raised eyebrow and say, “Really?” with that look of disbelief? Please. My writing world is much different than my personal world. My mind is not a dull place. Your mind is not a dull place. Do not treat it as such.

True Confession Number 3: I like to write sex scenes but being relied on TO write sex scenes kills my fictional sex drive.

Don’t get me wrong, writing sex is just another scene between my hero and heroine to move their relationship and story further on the pages. Being expected to write sex between a hero and heroine (aka: Steph and Ranger) when I’m not feeling the heat between them? NEARLY impossible. It’s almost impossible to fake tension between characters when they’ve (you’ve) lost it. And you NEED tension to make a sex scene hot and believable. It’s like writing in a round robin and everyone leaves the sex up to you. What if I’m not in the mood? What if the characters aren’t in the mood? I may like control, but if I were a character in a novel, I’d be that character that HATES to be relied on. I have a fear of disappointment. A fear of believing in my abilities. So don’t rely on me. I can’t be trusted. It makes me just want to do the opposite of everything and say the hell with it, and write about sex no one truly wants to read about. (Well I’m sure there is someone out there, probably just not my target audience.)

And for my last one of the day- True Confession Number 4:  You can’t be afraid to take a risk or make a mistake. Pull up your big girl panties and JUST DO IT!

If you never take a risk or make a mistake in writing, how do you GROW as a writer? Before I wrote my first sex scene, I was scared witless to post it and let the world read it. How would they react? What kind of comments would I get? What if I got flamed and embarrassed and could never write ever again? Writing on fanfiction.net was like reliving the first year of high school all over again. Even with a pen name, even with NO ONE knowing me, there was still that deep down fear that I would be shunned. But I took a gamble and posted my first sex scene and haven’t looked back since. To write is to grow as a person. Don’t stifle your creativity because you’re afraid. Fear is just the unknown reaction to an action. You’ll never know what you can accomplish if you don’t jump into the deep end and swim. Or drown. Either way at least you’ll know for future reference.



Okay, ‘fess up. What’s your number one sex scene writing confession? Most interesting place you’ve let your characters do the “act”? Anyone read of an interesting sex scene place lately? I need a fresh new idea. The chandelier is proving to be quite difficult task. Gimme a challenge. I have a round robin chapter to write.

I so didn't go in the direction I wanted to go with this blog. Maybe next time.

75 comments:

2nd Chance said...

Well...let's see. I've written the crows nest sex scene, the public spectacle sex scene, the sex as a ritual sex scene (three, four and more way)... Alien sex with an alien that with one magical apendage could be both the c*ck and c*unt...at the same time.

I had two guys doing in on a roof in the midst of a battle for Tortuga...sex magic again.

You know, with magic and sex you can pretty much get away with anything.

Sex in an BDSM club...yup.

Sex in flight...without a plane.

At the renfaire...

I'm not sure of anywhere I haven't written it.

;)

Quantum said...

I sometimes think that gravity is designed to limit the enjoyment of sex. I don't think that the Creator had our pleasure in mind when he wrote the laws of gravitational attraction. All that weight pressing down can be a turn off.

Have you noticed how a light feather touch can excite the senses? Then just imagine what could be achieved without weight. I'm not suggesting that Sin's characters should swing from chandeliers ... God forbid! But weightless in space or submerged in water could be the ultimate environment for the ultimate acts of pleasure.

Chance almost hit the jackpot when she suggests 'sex in flight ..... without a plane' but the parachutes might be an encumberance then.

No. Floating in a warm gravity-free space ship would be the ultimate for me. And make sure the intercom and cameras are turned off before beginning. Don't want any interuption from mission control or pictures transmited for Earth viewing.

It must be unencumbered weightless freedom with the romance of the stars as backdrop. Sort of Garden of Eden in Space. :LOL:

Lori said...

"Lay on your back and take it like a champ? Borrrr- ring. "

Funniest. Line. Ever.

I'm still exploring my fictional sexuality. My very first sex scene (that didn't get cut) took place in a bath tub in a stranger's house.

Really great post on writing sex scenes. I agree, just go for it. Nobody gets to read it until you've polished it to perfection.

Maggie Robinson/Margaret Rowe said...

I just finished a scene in a dark opera box. Fortunately the soprano was singing at the time. Hm. Waterfall. Carriage.Hilltop. Ring of standing stones.Beach out of the water. Beach in the water.Back garden. I seem to be somewhat of an outdoorswoman. ;)

Bosun said...

Less than a sentence into this, I knew I was out of my element on this one. After reading Chance's comment, I almost didn't comment at all. ;)

I've only written a few sex scenes, all in a short erotic romance from a few years ago. One scene in the kitchen, the rest in the bedroom. (It was a really short story.)

But I'm willing to get more adventurous when the scenes come around. The Ocracoke story should be good to see how many ways you can have sex on a charter boat. Flying over the water while you're flying to new heights sounds kind of fun.

And I'll agree with Q on the water aspect. Sex in water would be pretty damn good. *makes mental note*

The night of sex I have planned in the WIP is still a couple weeks off at least. But today should help give me some good ideas on how to make it way more interesting than I would have come up with on my own. LOL!

Donna said...

Damn! After the sexual tension yesterday, I should have known there'd be a payoff today. LOL But somehow I didn't expect it!

Great post. In fact, so much info there I'm going to go back and read it again. I'm pondering the statement, "Don't stifle your creativity because you're afraid". That is such an important thing to remember.

Julie said...

I can’t be trusted. It makes me just want to do the opposite of everything and say the hell with it, and write about sex no one truly wants to read about.

A sex scene that no woman wants to read about? That would be anything involving a speculum …

Julie said...

Pull up your big girl panties and JUST DO IT! Umm … Shouldn’t that be pull down? But what do I know? The truth is …
Okay, ‘fess up. What’s your number one sex scene writing confession?
That I’ve never written a sex scene. And I probably never will. The closest that I’ve ever come (pun intended) was when I wrote a true story about the time I got chased by bunnies.

Hellion said...

My confession is I don't like writing sex scenes because I'm afraid people will think I'm a fraud. *LOL* I think writing sex scenes is the equivalent of doing a Sally Albright in the middle of the deli. Since book sex doesn't exactly replicate real sex, which both have their perks. Book sex seems...theatrical, and real sex seems like a matter of not falling off the bed in the midst of your distraction. Or the couch. Or the kitchen table. Or the dresser. Whatever.

I've had characters have sex in the hallway, against the wall, in the shower, and in bed. I don't find anything wrong with having sex in bed. I love spending time in bed. In fact, on those little email questionaires where they ask, "WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT NOW?" my number one answer is not "shopping with a free gift card" or "Hawaii"--it's always, "I'd rather be in bed." I have a great bed.

Bosun said...

Maybe this is why it's good to have only writers as friends. I never worry about writing a sex scene. I never think, "Will people read this and think I do this stuff?"

Okay, since I write vanilla AND I have a child, at some level they have to know I've had sex. But to be honest, if they thought I was this cool and crazy and flexible, I'd take it as a compliment. LOL!

I can say I've only ever written sex scene late at night with the lights off. No idea what that's all about. Mood setting maybe? We'll see if this seems necessary when I get to the sex in this one. Something about being in the dark helps me focus on what's in my brain and not what's going on around me. Less distraction.

Donna said...

Bo'sun -- I'm fascinated by you writing the scene with the lights off. I might have to try that.

And Sin, when you say you lead a semi-vanilla life -- does that mean you're MORE vanilla than not? Or LESS vanilla? :)

Bosun said...

Donna - It's almost like shutting off the lights in a movie theater so you can see the screen better. Shuts out the world and it's just me and the movie in my head.

2nd Chance said...

Q - no parachutes... Just flying. With wings.

I don't know, Bo'usn, I wrote the scene I sent you last night while sitting in a Starbucks with four ladies just a foot or so away from me laughing uproarously with each other... ;-)

It's where you put your mind, not your body.

Hmmmm...that could be true of most sex scenes!

Julie - Were they vampire bunnies? :)

Bosun said...

Yeah, not saying anyone should have to write in the dark. And I may not have to the next time. But it felt *necessary* for my first endeavor. LOL! Much like in real life. ;)

I'm more curious to know if the rabit died after this bunny dream.

2nd Chance said...

Oooooo! I just got it! ;)

But, she said it wasn't a dream...it was a true story!

Donna said...

Chance, I wrote one of the scenes for my recent book this summer AT A PUBLIC LIBRARY. LOL I didn't have anywhere else to write, but luckily this particular library has nice comfy hideaway spots with great leather chairs. Every once in a while people would peek around the corner to look at the shelf of books, but they never stayed -- maybe I was generating too much steam. LOL

2nd Chance said...

I often wonder what expression is on my face when I'm writing things like this in public and if I'm scaring people off...

Donna - I figure I look like the unibomber planning some master diabolical plan of destruction. So they all stay away.

Which is actually fine by me!

Julie said...

Chance, the bunnies had on suits.
And I'd luvvvv to share the tale with you. But that story is on my otherrrrrr computer.

2nd Chance said...

Julie! Were you trying to infiltrate the Playboy Mansion again? ;)

Julie said...

Hell-noooh! But I will say that I ran so fast ...I was offered a scholarship by the track coach.

Sin said...

I almost missed the boat. I'm running around faster than the hare in Alice in Wonderland.

Jules, I know the main reason the track coach offered you a scholarship for track and it wasn't because you're fast. Well, maybe it is, but there is an entirely different reason as well.

Where to begin. Where to begin. Usually at the mouth and work my way down. Huzzah.

Okay, off to comment like the wind.

Sin said...

Chancer, you've got me beat. Never done the Ren-faire. Never written flying sex. Though now all I can see is the monkeys from (oh, crap, I've lost my brain, the movie with the flying monkeys and Dorthy and Toto and red slippers with the Wicked Witch of the West. Crap on a stick. This is what I get for using the brain to work instead of creative things like procrastination.)

Think. Think. Think.

Okay, brain is tired. Went to the google. Da google said, "What is: The Wizard of Oz." And I said, "Correctomondo all powerful google search engine."

I swear, I didn't do any extra drugs this morning than I usually do.

I'm fascinated with this alien sex double appendage. What made you think about coming up with that?

Sin said...

Sin's characters are not going to swing in the chandelier to use it like a sex swing. Though now that you mentioned it, Q, I kinda like that idea.

Sin said...

Maggie you are quite the outdoorswoman! I love outdoor scenes. The one in the opera box is probably my fav. on the list. Fat lady singing at the climax?

Sin said...

Ter, I think it sets the mood to dim or turn the lights off when writing sex scenes. I usually write all my sex scenes at night when the house is at it's quietest. I don't like to be interrupted when writing sex scenes. Seems like if you stop you never have the same mood again.

Sin said...

DRD, LMFAO. Hells warned you on Monday that I was going to take this up today. It just happened that Ter gave me a REALLY great lead in.

Sin said...

Or at least I can't capture the same mood again.

Sin said...

Hells, you're right. You do have an awesome bed.

Sin said...

Huzzah, sort of like ta-da, but more like, haha I just said that.

Sin said...

Not that I'd know from personal experience. Except for bed shopping and laying on them.

Julie said...

Huzzah?

Sin said...

And you're not a fraud. For me, writing a sex scene is like a whole big production in my head of making sure someone's hand has not magically fallen off and done a twister move and couldn't possibly be where I wrote it. I'm not too worried about falling off a bed. Or couch. That just makes it funny. IRL and writing.

Julie said...

Hells, you’re right. You do have an awesome bed.

Sin said...

I wasn't quite sure we could do TMI on the blog.

Sin said...

Jules, you're cracking me up.

Julie said...

TMI

Sin said...

Donna, I'm more vanilla than anything else. I have nothing to complain about in my life. I'm very fortunate.

I call me vanilla with rainbow spinkles. The only thing non-vanilla about me is behind closed doors and Jules thinks I've already done enough TMI for the day. LOL

Sin said...

Hm, I feel like I'm missing something.

Julie said...

sort of like ta-da
Now I'm laughing. Yep. I'm def a ta-da sort of girl.

And Chance I found the story. You can read it on one condition.

Sin said...

You can't talk about her tatas.

Julie said...

For goshsakesssSIN! No. she can't forward it. And she can't repeat it.

Sin said...

It's a wonder you stay friends with this brainless brat.

Donna said...

DRD, LMFAO. Hells warned you on Monday that I was going to take this up today. It just happened that Ter gave me a REALLY great lead in.

I know -- I'm surprised that I'm surprised. LOL I guess I'm not too good at listening to warnings!

And I think I'm vanilla that's been dipped in that hard chocolate shell stuff -- I'm boring, but trying to pretend I'm not. LOL

Sin said...

I'm the vanilla that you see vanilla, but then get surprised with all the craziness that is rainbow sprinkles. Maybe that should've been the question of the day- what type of ice cream and toppings do you see yourself as.

Donna said...

Now I'm craving ice cream! In bed. Served by a Hottie.

So I can do "research". LOL

Sin said...

Now that is the type of research I *LIKE* to do!

Huzzah!

Not to be confuzzled with ta-da.

Donna said...

Me too. It's been a while since I've had an opportunity for that kind of "research", and I'm worried it might show in my writing. LOL

Sin said...

You've got nuts?

Sin said...

Pfft! That's why we're writers. We're some of the best fakers in the world!

Julie said...

Gosh, I think that I’m vanilla too ... You know that vanilla icecream that's spelled R-o-c-k-y-R-o-a-d.

Julie said...

Yah. You know how it is when you're married. Whats yours is his. Whats his is Mine! ;)

Sin said...

Can't believe no one commented about the "glorious" picture incident. Hellie, did you already tell the story and I missed it?

Quantum said...

Bosun said: And I’ll agree with Q on the water aspect. Sex in water would be pretty damn good. *makes mental note*

*grin* Its nice to go full circle. It all began in the oceans after all. Though life hadn't developed the intellectual appreciation at that stage. Still, who knows what dolphins and whales are thinking. .... petty they can't read you books Terri! 8)

Chance said: Q – no parachutes… Just flying. With wings

I have been reading Robin Hobb's latest dragon books (The rain wild Chronicles) And note that her dragons mate in flight. Due to difficulties of synchronising wing motions it has to be very quick. They drop like a stone from a great height before pulling out of the engagement. Its the female's way of testing the courage of her mate.

Thank God I'm not a dragon!

Sin Said: ........

I think she has ignored me ..... *Huff*
Though I can see she's busy. :lol:

Sin said...

Dear Q, I would never ignore you.

Sin said...

But you have to talk more in length about this water deal. *grin*

Sin said...

I have scotch for you.

Sin said...

Ooh, characters who have sex in the zero gravity space simulator. Hm, except with all motions you have reactions and I'm pretty sure girl on top would have to not get all enthusiastic about it otherwise the weight might knock you down to the floor, and guy on top would have the girl banging her head on a wall.

Sin said...

Yah. You know how it is when you’re married. Whats yours is his. Whats his is Mine!

Agreed! Except for tampons sent in the mail.

Julie said...

Hey SIN whats yours is his, right? Besides I'd hate for you to have to sing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOKK8mAkiUI

Sin said...

Ha.

Ha.

Very funny you brain stealing throwing away wench.

Julie said...

Recyle?

Sin said...

You can't recycle something that toxic.

Julie said...

Your mind is that bad, eh?

Sin said...

You should know. You corrupted me.

Julie said...

True.
But don't try and tell me that you didn't enjoy Every minute of your corrupting!

Sin said...

*evil laugh*

Sin said...

If anyone asks, I will lie.

Julie said...

If anyone asks, I will lie.
Thats what I like the most about you, SIN. You're so honest about your dishonesty.

*eviler laugh*

Sin said...

I get it honest.

2nd Chance said...

Julie - Hell, yes, I want the story! And I won't forward it.

(Posting on Facebook isn't forwarding, right?)

Ooops, did I say that aloud?

Sin - I didn't mean to put you to shame, but ya gots ta understand...when I've written 29+ books featuring a sexual witch and her guy...who can travel through time and space...it's all going to happen eventually.

The alien sex guy... Yeah. Imagine being...well, maybe I should e-mail you off line! LOL! Maybe I can dig out the scene and forward it to you. I did so enjoy creating Tendar... It's in the Alien Library...

Hellion said...

I'm drawing a blank at the picture incident, unless you mean where I begged GPS to send me the GLORIOUS picture and I forgot and opened it at work.

If that's the case, the story is:

At a writing meeting, GPS had been expounding on the most GLORIOUS penis ever...that she coincidentally had a picture of. I, being the sort of person who cannot look away from the scene of an accident, said, "The most GLORIOUS penis ever!? I must see it! Email it to me." By Monday I had already forgotten I'd made this request, and I get this email from GPS that is title innocuously and I open it. At work. And there is this HUGE PENIS right that blows up on my 18" flat screen monitor!

I think I screamed.

And I scrambled with the mouse, going, "Ew, ew, ew" and closed the picture and deleted the email.

I will not be asking to see any other pictures of GLORIOUS penises. I'm just going to take people's word on it.

Hellion said...

Oh, ice cream.

Breyer's Triple Chocolate.

The angelic aspect, the girl next door middle layer, and the dark wicked layer that's really the best of the whole thing.

(Though I think my Deerhunter is Triple Chocolate.)

Sin said...

I'm down with you emailing offline.

Hellie, I'm cracking up at the thought of the deerhunter being the sweet girl next door. Tutu and princess tiera.

Hellion said...

Anyone who'd paint his kitchen TERRACOTTA and then man it up by calling it "BLAZE, I'm calling it BLAZE now" has a tutu and a princess tiara. I'm convinced of it.

Still best gay sex I've ever had though.

Sin said...

Okay, now I see the post from Lori! Thanks for stopping by yesterday and sorry I missed your comment. Love the stranger's bathroom idea. Now, did they sneak through the window or did someone say they needed to use the telephone and darted to the bathroom?