Monday, February 22, 2010

When Less is More

by J Perry Stone

I’ve been noticing, lately, a wide-spread habit of chronic over-doing. Weddings where the brides walk down the aisle to such bombastic, over-the-top music, the trumpets fairly blast them into the carpet runner. Movies where the special effects are so exaggerated, the audience is technologically tortured. I call these movies “nap time” by the way.

Even a week ago, after writing my grandfather’s obituary, the part-time editor of the village newspaper called wanting to “beef it up” by adding the names of his parents (!), the spouses of his four children, as well as the names of his six grandchildren and their six children. The poor readers! Ever read the catalogues in Homer’s Iliad? Snooze-fest.

As Americans we tend to over-do. So much so, it’s a part of our stereotype. We think if a little is good, surely a truckload is better. As a garlic-loving cook, as well as a woman with a big mouth, I’m certainly the worst offender. As a writer, probably more so, but as a reader? I'm getting weary.

Are we losing the substance of our stories in an assault of bells and whistles? Why am I closing books only to feel as though I’ve been trapped in a Chuck E Cheese during a power-surge?

I point to a couple trends.

First exaggeration: sex. Now I’m no prude and get pretty frustrated if my romance novel doesn’t provide me with at least one satisfying consummation scene. Two, even better. That said--for God’s sake publishing world!--five sex scenes in a 350 page book does not spicy sensuality make. I’ve said it before but when I read about the poor heroine getting jack-hammered over and over again, all I can think is, “How did they treat urinary tract infections in Regency England?” It isn’t the number of times the hero’s tool makes an appearance, but the emotional roil that gives a story its spice. If you don’t agree, dear writer, then I shall have to inform you that your hero’s tool bored me to tears. And frankly, as a romance writer, a boring penis is a first-degree offense.

Second exaggeration: Ego writing. Ever read a story where you were painfully aware of the author indulging herself in her own clever wit? Nothing irks me more. I can feel you, Ms. Author, inserting yourself in the story, but I don’t want you making a cameo in my escape. The story isn’t about you. It’s about the characters.

Maybe I’m just being pissy, but is a little restraint, subtlety and taste to know when less is more asking too much?

Consider this post your permission to bitch about it. What has been over-done for you lately?

(Note: my fashion journalist sister says over-doing is only acceptable when it comes to jewelry. Here I quite agree.)

73 comments:

2nd Chance said...

Vampires. Overdone. So overdone that they are toast. Let's chain them to a Josuah tree in the Mojave Desert and call 'em done.

Costume details. It's a pretty dress. I get it. Yes, what a divine cravat. Do I need to know if his heels are 1/8 inch or 1/2 inch?

I know, some of you do. I don't.

And I'm with Miss J. Perry Manners. I like sex, but when it gets in the way of my getting to the story... *flip, flip, flip ... Ah, there it is!

BTW, I like to think I get over this by starting with sex, progressing to a good satisfying bit of f*cki*g and on to the finale of making love. Present book has three seductions before it finally reaches making love.

And I end with a cuddle. ;)

J Perry Stone said...

Boy, did that whole post sound pissy. I'm sorry, writers. I'm sick and I think I blew out my courtesy.

Have to agree with you though, Chance ... on every point.

I have an all-day class today but will be checking in after 4:30.

Carry-on.

JK Coi said...

I agree completely. Well said, although you know what? I'd rather have a book with a really great sexy vampire that's written well, than one of these books that doesn't know what the hell it's doing. How many different genres and species can we insert into one book? Oh wait, and don't forget the kitchen sink too (I think it's a zombie)

Bosun said...

Believe it or not, I took out a bit of the vinegar, so this isn't quite as pissy as when I got it. LOL! But I say venting is good. It's pissy Tuesday, lets have it.

I am getting overwhelmed by the "they must have sex by page 30 and at least six more times after that" stuff. It's so hard to make that believable. Well, I can understand wanting to have it six more times when it's good, but the first time is so outlandish.

I know Hellie loves to rant about all the Dukes romping through Romancelandia, but anyone noticed all the Special Ops dudes? How many incredibly built, gorgeous, deadly, alpha dudes could there really be in that field. I live in a military town and know a few Navy Seals. They don't look like the dudes in the books, that's all I'm saying.

Irisheyes said...

I'm right there with ya, JP, especially on the 5+ sex scenes per book with absolutely no substance!

That’s it exactly Ter - I mean where is the sexual tension if they have sex by page 30 and then keep having sex throughout the rest of the book! I guess I don’t even mind if they keep going at it like rabbits half way through the book but do we need 5-10 pages of each sex scene. Show foreplay or afterglow with some meaningful conversations that move the story along.

The other trend I'm seeing is the "Oh, we shouldn't have done that!" or "That was a big mistake!" afterwards, like every time they have sex. Sheesh! You know that doesn't show me that they lost control and this thing they are in the middle of is bigger than either of them. It shows me they're shallow, immature and sex is more important to them than the relationship. That isn't romance.

Marnee Jo said...

JP - LOL! This is great. I'm with you on the overdoing the sex thing. I've definitely read books where the sex scene does nothing for the story. And then I'm stuck flipping, wondering what the hell happened. I agree that a sensual book doesn't necessarily mean a LOT of sex. It means tension and lots of it. I'd rather read a book with all kinds of sexual tension and no sex than vice versa.

JK - a zombie. LOL!! Isn't that the truth?

Melissa said...

I haven't done a lot of romance reading lately, so I'm actually hoping some trends will have burnt out by the time I get back to it! Possible? Probably not. All I know is when I indulged last fall in joining a book club for my escapist category romances (instead of buying 2 or 3), I found that all six in the package had the same theme (a prince and a love child). Even for someone who binges on certain themes, this was too much. I usually like book clubs for a little bit of a surprise, but I guess they figured the "made in Taiwan" plastic bowl was enough. :)

Irisheyes said...

As for the less is more in RL, I think that is like a snowball heading downhill and picking up speed. It seems so hard to control.

It is so evident in the kid's birthday parties. I thought once they got out of grammar school it would kind of taper off. Oh No... it's getting worse. Instead of Chuckee Cheese with 30 of their BFFs it's a hotel room with a swimming pool and rented movies for the night. It is getting way out of control.

hal said...

Personally, I adore the chance to bitch, and I agree completely! I'm SO tired of flipping pages through sex scenes. It's a romance novel - that's supposed to be the best part!!

I think part of the problem is that writers want to do something that's never been done before, and that automatically leads to over-doing, because, let's face it, it's all been done at some point. I think subtlety and nuance are the key to making something unique, and of course characterization.

Great blog J Perry!

hal said...

oh crap. ending italics. right.

Hellie said...

My PMS is so giddy I've been given a FREE PASS to bitch, I don't know what to start with. Thank you, JP!

I know Hellie loves to rant about all the Dukes romping through Romancelandia, but anyone noticed all the Special Ops dudes? How many incredibly built, gorgeous, deadly, alpha dudes could there really be in that field. I live in a military town and know a few Navy Seals. They don’t look like the dudes in the books, that’s all I’m saying.

I'm so horribly predictable. I was going to start with dukes. I'm so tired of them. I'm also tired of most paranormal--I won't even pick up most paranormal unless someone recommends a particular series about 10 times. And even then I'm all, "Are there witches?" or whatever and I go read something else. (Not a witch fan. Other than Harry Potter...which isn't true witchcraft.)

And I have to agree about the Special Ops. I've flat out stopped reading contemporaries--mostly, except for something like Lucy Hatch or a Sophie Kinsella book--because I'm sick of Special Ops guys. As Terri says, the reality takes the shine off the fantasy where you just can't buy into it anymore. Sorta like the 50 million well-hung, omelet-making dukes roaming around the Regency period.

That aside: I think we're the product of our misery. We always want a story that is BIGGER. I think when we're asked what we want in stories, we aren't always able to articulate what it was we liked--we just say we wanted more. And publishers interpret that to mean, more of the same but with more explosives. But really, what we want is more heart. But "more heart" is probably one of those subjective things. The things that define "more heart" for me aren't the things that define it for Terri or Marn...so in the end, we're stuck with books where everyone looks like Ranger, never misses a step, and is about as real as an airbrushed Megan Fox.

Hellie said...

Oh! And I hate when they have sex by page 30!!! It makes me crazy!!! Where is the sexual tension? WHERE? I might as well stop reading the book by then. It makes me nuts.

Oh, and I am slightly tired of virgin deflowerings where the virgin has an orgasm that sounds like an H-bomb went off in the middle of the room. Really? She trusts her marriage of convenience husband THAT much after knowing him for three days? I mean can't we have a progression instead of starting with the H-bomb? Save the H-bomb for, oh, the third time perhaps?

Hellie said...

I found that all six in the package had the same theme (a prince and a love child).

OMG! *shudders* You poor thing! I'd be so pissed I paid money for that.

Bosun said...

LOL! Y'all wouldn't fight with Chancey but you'll bitch with J. Chance took the totally wrong approach. LMAO!!

Hal - It looks so pretty, pretend you did that on purpose. And I'm not really complaining about the SO dudes, mostly because I don't read them. But they do seem to grow in quantity (and skill!) every years.

Melissa - You keep that positive attitude going. And by the time you get back to Romance, you'll be so desperate for a HEA, you won't even care if it's a Vampire Duke who traveled through time to become a Special Ops agent who can cook an awesome omelette and deflower a virgin from twenty paces.

Hellie said...

I think part of the problem is that writers want to do something that’s never been done before, and that automatically leads to over-doing, because, let’s face it, it’s all been done at some point. I think subtlety and nuance are the key to making something unique, and of course characterization.

And voice!!! This is where Voice is so important!!

Bosun said...

Irish - Are. You. SERIOUS?! They want hotel rooms? Yeah, my kid is going to be SOOOOO deprived. That's not happening, I can assure you right now.

Re: the Deflowering, maybe the G-Spot was easier to find a couple hundred years ago? It would be just our luck that it evolved to be *just* out of reach by the time we were born.

Hellie said...

I would like to add this does not mean that I will not gleefully read Hal's Special Ops books. It's just I prefer my contemporary heroes to be more ordinary--and it's difficult to be both special ops AND ordinary. That's why I don't read many contemporaries anymore because it's almost impossible to find an "ordinary hero." They almost always have to have some crazy job.

Not that anyone would write a sizzling hot romance with a Starbucks barista (who also happens to be a professional student of life.) Probably because it would be difficult to have all those sizzling sex scenes with him living in his parents' house.

Bosun said...

I do need to make a confession about the sex early and often thing (that has to go on the drink menu), there are times it works for me. Recently read THE MADNESS OF LORD IAN MACKENZIE and they have sex both early and very often. But I loved the book. The author made it clear this was no virgin debutante who didn't know her way around a man or her own glittery hooha. But she wasn't so experienced that the hero couldn't show her some new tricks.

So, though I might complain, this is where the "voice" thing Hellie mentions might come into play. You can do the thing everyone is doing wrong and make it work - if you do it well enough. And Ian certainly did it well enough. ;)

Hellie said...

Oh No… it’s getting worse. Instead of Chuckee Cheese with 30 of their BFFs it’s a hotel room with a swimming pool and rented movies for the night.

Oh, dream on. *LOL*

It's the basement with your sleeping bags and we'll order some pizza--and you can watch these videos.

Why would parents torture a bunch of hotel staff by having a group of hooligans there? You know as soon as the parent falls asleep, those kids are in the halls!

Irisheyes said...

Oh, and I am slightly tired of virgin deflowerings where the virgin has an orgasm that sounds like an H-bomb went off in the middle of the room. Really? She trusts her marriage of convenience husband THAT much after knowing him for three days? I mean can’t we have a progression instead of starting with the H-bomb? Save the H-bomb for, oh, the third time perhaps?

Don't even get me started on that! In contemporaries too! I think that good sex takes practice and having sex and making love are as different as apples and oranges. Judging from the statistics from Oprah's show featuring the latest and greatest sex therapist way more women are struggling than not.

I know this is suppose to be fiction, but at least give your readers a little something to identify with. And it just makes so much sense - nothing ramps up the tension quicker and better than bad/mediocre sex. It gives the H/H something to work towards.

hal said...

I wasn't taking comments on special Ops guys personally. I actually don't read a lot of contemporary romantic suspense for that same reason.

Let's see, in my series, hero #1 was CIA who turned and joined the terrorist group he was supposed to be bringing down

Hero #2 got cheated on by his ex-wife so many times that he no longer has the slightest desire to even bother looking for the g-spot. He figures if she wants to get off too, she can take care of it herself.

Both excellent hero material, obviously :)

Irisheyes said...

Okay, Jennifer Ashley must have done an awesome job with that, Ter, cause I read the same book and I loved it! Obviously the fact that she had them sleep together early and often didn't bother me cause that doesn't even register with me right now. All I remember from that book is the great story and the incredible character development. That and the fact that I can't wait to get my hands on the rest of the books in that series.

So there you go, folks! Point proven. In the hands of the right author anything is possible!

hal said...

I can't fathom renting a hotel room for a kid's birthday party. No wonder kids are so spoiled. Come on parents, grow a set and say no now and then.

(not the parents on here -- none of us are shelling out thousands for a damn birthday party!)

Bosun said...

Irish - Yep, great story. And the fact she blew him in a moving carriage didn't bother me one bit. LOL! Though I'd NEVER read that situation before. Considering I've been reading historicals for about 25 years, that's saying something. (Disclaimer: I'm sure that was done before in a book I haven't read. There are still lots of books I haven't read.)

Irisheyes said...

No, we did NOT do the hotel thing. We did the sleeping bags in the basement with pizza and a rented movie. One of her friends was tossing around the hotel idea until my daughter told her she probably wouldn't be able to go.

Bosun said...

Luckily, my kiddo is smart enough to know what she can and can't get away with. She'll tell me things her friends do or say and follow it with, "You'd kill me if I ever did/said that."

Well trained is my child.

Hellie said...

In a MOVING carriage? People do realize those things aren't sprung really well, right? She must have had like no gag reflexes at all...

I'm sure it worked in the novel. I think she was a widow, right? I remember starting that book and liking the heroine. She seemed very believable.

Hellie said...

Hero #2 got cheated on by his ex-wife so many times that he no longer has the slightest desire to even bother looking for the g-spot. He figures if she wants to get off too, she can take care of it herself.

*ROTFLMAO* Exactly why I'm looking forward to these books. *LOL*

Irisheyes said...

Hal I really want to read about Hero #2. He sounds like a riot.

Some of the best books I've read have the author spending very little time on the physical descriptions of the H/H. They pretty much just give the basics - hair/eye color, height, etc. I usually get such a vivid image of them though from the way they think and talk. It is really amazing. It is always better than the bulging six pack abs descriptions over and over and over again.

Bosun said...

Yep, moving carriage. But it worked for me. And she was a widow who had enjoyed the marriage bed. If a virgin, 19 yr old heroine had done that (and this was before they ever had sex) I would have thrown the book against the wall.

I agree about Hal's books. NO ONE will ever be able to say these books aren't new and fresh and a totally different take on traditional characters.

When do we get to read these?!

Hellie said...

No, I can see the believability factor, being she was a widow who enjoyed the marriage bed before.

Maybe the carriage wasn't galloping through the streets.

See, this is the random crap that goes through my head.

hal said...

I'm going to have to grab this Jennifer Ashley book. It sounds awesome!

And thanks -- I hope my characters are a bit of a fresh take. We'll see! LOL!

hal said...

Some of the best books I’ve read have the author spending very little time on the physical descriptions of the H/H. They pretty much just give the basics – hair/eye color, height, etc. I usually get such a vivid image of them though from the way they think and talk. It is really amazing. It is always better than the bulging six pack abs descriptions over and over and over again.

Irish, I love that too. If there is a ton of description about the character's looks, I generally just ignore it. I prefer to come to my own conclusions :)

Bosun said...

For some reason, the physical descriptions usually get by me. Or I interpret them wrong. Almost always at the end, I realize the character I pictured looks nothing like the description in the book. It's the strangest thing.

Janga said...

Just this week I gave up on a book in which the hero was mostly a penis and the heroine mostly a receptacle with a smile. The book had an interesting premise, but there was almost no character or plot development, just lots of lusty thoughts and steamy action.

I don't think the problem is so much the number of sex scenes or the timing of them. I think it's a matter of whether the writer uses the scenes for some purpose other than writing a sex scene. Ashley's Lord Ian was my top book of 09, and I'm already planning a reread of Elizabeth Hoyt's Four Soldiers books now than I can read them all together. Both of those authors write books that are labeled "hot," but the sizzling scenes reveal character and/or advance the plot. Sex between the H/H is part of a story about the relationship between these people; it is not the raison d'etre of the book.

Irisheyes said...

Another thing I really, really hate is the "I hate you. You hate me. Let's have sex." I don't know about anyone else but if I hate someone the last thing I want to do is have sex with them. I know, I know... I get the whole conflicted emotions angle but again we get the scenario in scene after scene after scene and then I just think the heroine is a complete moron for sleeping with someone she can't stand.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against "angry sex" - exciting, on the edge, a little dangerous - but I would think that would come later after the relationship is kind of formed. Mary Balogh did a great "angry sex scene" in her book More Than A Mistress. It was an awesome scene.

Bosun said...

Janga - You said is perfectly, as always. But do you ever think that those same authors could have found a different way to get the same point/development across? Just because you can write a sex scene well and make it work, doesn't mean it's the only option. Or maybe it does.

Irish - Though I can't remember a time I've ever fallen into the angry sex thing, I seem to write it into my stories. Though in my current WIP, it's established early on that the heroine has been hot for the hero since HS. She doesn't want to be, and that's where the arguing comes into play.

So they go from fighting, though it's more a disagreement than a fight, to kissing on the hood of a car. Poor Emma has a very hard time staying mad at Nate, especially when he's being all honest and vulnerable and stuff. Blast the man.

Janga said...

I have to say a word in defense of contemporaries. There are some great contemporaries available. Nora's new series is marvelous, and new writers like Kristan Higgins, Julie James, and Louisa Edwards have created great reads with interesting, credible characters who do more than have orgasms. The same holds true for category writers like Beth Andrews, Helen Brenna, Sarah Mayberry . . .

Donna said...

Okay, I have a different rant. I am tired of all the Jane Austen books that have vampires and zombies and sea monsters and every kind of paranormal event or creature ever imagined. Maybe the first one was a clever idea, even though I didn't read it and have no plans to. But is it really necessary to keep cranking these out, instead of real books, with brand-new ideas, written by people with original stories?

*sits back down in the corner, arms crossed, scowl firmly in place*

Bosun said...

No need to defend, Janga. This is definitely not a knock on all Romances available today. There are still amazing books being released, thank the heavens. Progress is being made to swing back around to good stories, be it lots of sex or no. I just hope it keeps swinging.

Donna - I saw one this weekend that is actually Jane Austen as a Vampire, living among us today. I just stood in B&N and shook my head.

Hellie said...

The "I hate you" thing isn't that they really hate them. (Takes quite a bit to actually hate someone, I think.) But you don't respect them. And why would have sex with someone you didn't respect? At all? So it's almost like you need something right before that scene--that shows you might have been wrong, or where you can at least admire them even if you still don't "like-like" them. But that's not easy to convey and ends up coming across as lust...and that's that not romance.

Chemistry is important, but respect is more important.

Hellie said...

Yeah, I'm tired of the Austen ripoffs ah la vampire or zombie hunter.

This is the problem with ranting: it does sound like we haven't found any books worth reading, and that's not the case. I absolutely loved the Linda Lael Miller book I read, contemporary, and it featured both kids and dogs, which I can't stand in contemporaries. Let alone together. Loved-loved-loved it. Can't wait to read the other books in the series. Which will probably feature more kids and dogs.

And I think the reason I haven't read the Higgins is that I think those are the books that always have a dog on the front cover. I chuck them back on the shelf when I see that.

Irisheyes said...

I probably should have clarified cause I also have an angry thing happening in one of my stories, Ter. She thinks he's an irresponsible, arrogant player and he thinks she's a teasing, know-it-all bitch. They get caught in a squeeze where all that emotion turns sexual. I think it is a great plotting device.

A couple of things that don't make it work in my opinion is 1) If the H/H don't smarten up and realize that there is something besides anger happening, especially after having sex! 2) If they don't smarten up until 3/4 of the way through book and they've slept together a few times already. That just seems like the author couldn't come up with a different conflict and that the H/H are really stupid.

Pretty much with everything I've complained about today, it's he repetition. Once is understandable, even good plotting at times - but over and over and over again within the same book is tiresome and very unbelievable, IMHO.

Irisheyes said...

That's a good point too, Hellie. The respect has to be there on some level, otherwise what does that say about the other person.

Throwing in a little positive mojo here - a plot device that could be considered volatile but isn't is the friendly enemies one. Kind of like Bram and Georgie in What I Did For Love. Now, they slept together but had an understanding that they didn't like each other and it was only sex. But every few chapters you could see them softening and admitting to each other that they were starting to see each other's good points. It's the progress and growth I guess I want to see not the stagnant middle school stuff. Make sense?

Donna said...

I was just thinking that a lot of the over-the-top sex scene stuff seems to be like those articles on "how to spice up your marriage". They suggest you do this wacky thing or that crazy thing, to get everybody all fired up again.

Maybe somebody thought romance novels needed to be spiced up, but they kinda went a little too far overboard.

2nd Chance said...

LOL! Y’all wouldn’t fight with Chancey but you’ll bitch with J. Chance took the totally wrong approach. LMAO!!

Must remember J's technique next time I want to start a rumble. Pretend like you're being polite...

2nd Chance said...

Not that anyone would write a sizzling hot romance with a Starbucks barista (who also happens to be a professional student of life.) Probably because it would be difficult to have all those sizzling sex scenes with him living in his parents’ house.

I'll write this book but he must be allowed to travel through time and be an alien.

2nd Chance said...

And I think the reason I haven’t read the Higgins is that I think those are the books that always have a dog on the front cover. I chuck them back on the shelf when I see that.

Exactly why I read them! Amazing! We must be opposite twins.

Irisheyes said...

I was just thinking that a lot of the over-the-top sex scene stuff seems to be like those articles on “how to spice up your marriage”. They suggest you do this wacky thing or that crazy thing, to get everybody all fired up again.

Donna, I think you are so right and it has to do with everything nowadays - kid's parties, vacations, the latest electronics, entertainment shows/magazines, weddings. I was passing through the family room last night while my daughter was watching "Say Yes to the Dress". I just rolled my eyes. It can get a bit overwhelming and really hard to just say no and be low-key.

hal said...

but over and over and over again within the same book is tiresome and very unbelievable, IMHO.

That's a great distinction, Irish. Good, angry sex, when there's clearly the more romantic emotion underneath, is awesome. Characters too stupid to do anything but the same thing over and over again is bad *g*

I have the angry sex thing going on now, with hero #2. I *think* I've done a good job of showing that there are real, genuine emotions underneath, and the anger and sniping is only because neither of them are willing to admit to the softer emotions. So they get mean to over-compensate. But there are those flashes of something real and tender and they both immediately retreat to their respective, bitter corners *g*

hal said...

I loved SEP's What I did for Love. Awesome example of when that plot device worked really well, Irish.

Janga said...

Ter, I knew this wasn't an all-out Romance bash. My defense of contemporaries was in response to Hellie's statement that she'd almost stopped reading them. I just wanted to make sure she knew about some good contemporary reads. :) I should have been clearer about the context of my comments.

Also, you said

But do you ever think that those same authors could have found a different way to get the same point/development across? Just because you can write a sex scene well and make it work, doesn’t mean it’s the only option. Or maybe it does.

I don't think it's the only option, and there are authors who do use other options. I do think writers from whom readers expect a hot read could see a decline in their sales if they failed in the hotness factor.

And I feel quite strange advocating for hot scenes when I probably read far fewer such books than most romance readers. LOL!

2nd Chance said...

Fascinating reactions considering J isn't even around!

It just reminds me of the idea that if one scoop of ice cream is good and the public buys it, then they must want ten at a time and all at once. Marketing people really spend too much time trying to forecast what we want...and we all aren't teenage girls with vampire hangups... (Sin is still out of town, right?)

Whew! Anyway, I'm reading a Jennifer Ashley right now, pubbed 4 years ago and it's interesting, how many POVs she includes....

Irisheyes said...

Okay, Hal, you're reeling me in with these snippets. It sounds pretty cool!

Yeah, the Mary Balogh scene has stayed with me for years. It was very emotional, IMHO, because of the fallout from it. He was mad and HURT because she lied to him and he wanted to punish her and put her in her place. He knew what he was doing. She knew what he was doing. There was no violence, just angry words and demeaning stuff. The emotions and truths they both had to face afterwards were great.

Irisheyes said...

It just reminds me of the idea that if one scoop of ice cream is good and the public buys it, then they must want ten at a time and all at once.

EXACTLY!

hal said...

oh, and thank you Irish!

hal said...

Now I'm going to have to read this Mary Balogh book too. I'm getting a list today, and I have nooooo time to read right now! Grrrr!

2nd Chance said...

And sometimes, I'd rather have cheesecake. Or chocolate cake. Or pudding. Or a brownie...

I need to go have breakfast...

hal said...

I had samoa girl scout cookies for breakfast. they were wonderful :)

Hellie said...

I’ll write this book but he must be allowed to travel through time and be an alien.

So the fact he's living at home with mom and dad makes total sense then. He's sci-fi.

Hellie said...

I cannot stand the Too Stupid to Live Heroes and Heroines. I don't mind slightly flighty or going to the beat of your own drummer--but if there is NO character arc in the hero/heroine, then you need to rethink the character.

2nd Chance said...

I ADORE girl scouts for breakfast... Uh, I mean their cookies. Uh... I mean the girl scout cookies they sell in front of the grocery store.

You must hoard them, I haven't any scouteters out selling cookies...

BTW, the book I'm reading...Penelope and the Prince? She's a virgin and he goes down on her, resulting in her first big 'O' ... They are engaged. He knows and has slept with everybody. Of course. (But have to save the actual insertion sex for after the bethrolled ceremoney or some curse will result.)

I so look forward to the flip side...

2nd Chance said...

Yes, Hel. He's a scifi geek. Not their son, a nephew... And their basement is the perfect place for all his alien accoutrements since Aunt Bess never comes down there, convinced it has black widows everywhere. (It does, but they don't bother barista boy, he don't bother them.)

And Uncle Clem was just happy to abandond his workshop to the kid, who has taken over all the household handiman tasks, leaving Clem free to drink beer in the yard with his cronies.

I shall call it... "Rise of the Barista Boy"

Irisheyes said...

OMG! The doorbell rang Saturday at about 4:30 pm and the little girl down the block delivered a box of Thin Mints. By 5:30 there were none left. Talk about animals. I'm surprised I wasn't injured. The DH walks in, looks at the empty box and screams WTH! I calmed him down by explaining we've got about 5 more boxes coming within the next couple of weeks. It's worse than crack.

Hellie said...

An aunt and uncle? Doesn't that sound a bit too Star Wars?

hal said...

The DH walks in, looks at the empty box and screams WTH! LAMO!!! That's hilarious. My hubby apparently found some girl scouts in front of Target Sunday, and stocked up. Six boxes! Woot!

Hellie said...

I run from girl scouts. It's embarrassing to be terrified of people who are 1/2 or 1/3 my size and weight.

Bosun said...

I think Chance is writing the new Superman.

Kiddo's BFF is a girl scout and keeps promising to bring the form for me to order. MUST HUNT THAT KID DOWN!

Breakroom is all stocked back up on chocolate, chips, and diet soda. Mutiny cut off at the knees.

Irish - I read that Balogh book many moons ago and it's one of the reasons I went hunting for her backlist. Gosh, that was almost 10 years ago, I think. Those Mistress books were awesome. And partly because there weren't a million out there just like them.

I think the couple who still don't like each other much having sex makes for the great heartbreak stuff after. When my characters say, "We shouldn't have done that," it's more because they know they are now in way too deep and getting hurt is nearly inevitable. They are pessimists, what can I say?

Bosun said...

Oh, and Hal, there's another Mistress book that connects, so you technically need to add TWO to your list. LOL!

2nd Chance said...

Well, I could go with him being the secret alien baby of Bess, but figured I'd cut Clem some slack. No, he's a real nephew. Aunt Bess had a sister who was abducted by aliens and came home pregnant with a super alien baby...barista boy.

Who can make you a frapaccino with nothing but some duct tape and a paper clip. He is the McGyver of baristas.

*sob

I have no girl scouts in my neighborhood. Gods, they actually encourage those munchkins to go door to door still? Here, they stake out the entrances to grocerie stores, backed up by fierce looking Moms who make it plain if one hand is laid on their children, they will pull out the uzi.

UZI! I used the secret word and win another apple fritter!

J Perry Stone said...

Holy mother, you all! I missed all the juice. I'm exhausted. Try sitting in an education class for eight hours hopped up on antihistamines.

OY.

#1. Terri, thank you for de-vinegarizing. I think, like Hellie, I'm PMSing.

#2. Chance said: "Must remember J’s technique next time I want to start a rumble. Pretend like you’re being polite…"

You have my number and now I'm scared. :)

As for the rest of you, exactly. There are slew of wonderful writers with original approaches, but some, sad to say, are beating the dead horse that is this weary reader. Don't over-sex me, over metaphor me, over vampire, zombie, Jane Austen werewolf me. Don't hit me over the head with your own cleverness or the hate=good sex approach....

Just tell me a story that pulls on my heart. That's all I ask. When I think about my favorite movies, they are all ones where I really cared about the character, or came to love them despite their faults. You can start off writing a jerk as long as he learns his lesson. You can even start off with the dimwit heroine as long as she's lovable and progresses in some way.

Lastly, the thing I've REALLY had too much of is my kids' fighting. 8 and almost 10. Girl and boy. Any suggestions (because I'm ready to drill a hole in my temple)?

J Perry Stone said...

And I have NOT had too much of girl scout cookies, especially since the father dude from whom my husband bought them hasn't coughed 'em up yet.

Damn it.

2nd Chance said...

I think I need to hunt down my local girl scout council and find out where the munchkins are...