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A Pirate Christmas Carol: The Happy Ending
I threw my boots on over my pink POTC pajama pants and flew out of the cabin. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I found a young, blond hottie and shook him awake.
“I can’t do it again, Gunner. You worked me all night,” he said, eyes shut tight. It must have been true what they say about pregnant women being horny.
“Your body is safe from me, darling.” Glancing down I added, “For now at least.” Indeed, I wasn’t dead. “But I need you to round up the hotties and collect all the rum on this ship.”
The rest of the instructions I whispered in his ear, then watched him stagger up the stairs to do my bidding.
The Captain doesn’t know how to celebrate Christmas?
Ridiculous.
Dashing back into the cabin, I skidded then landed flat on my ass. I was really going to have to clean up this sand. A hottie would be on Hoover duty on the morrow.
Booting up the laptop, I found the bumbling beggars who’d accosted me the day before looking for a hand-out. A quick email and part B of the plan was set in motion.
Now, to wake the crew. And I knew just how to do it. “Wake up you mangy bildge-rats!” I bellowed, pounding on every cabin door I passed. “I want every writing pirate on this ship on the top deck in five minutes!”
A loud thud sounded from each cabin and the resulting groans made me smile. I ignored the three thuds that echoed from Sin’s cabin. No wonder she’d ordered the extra large hammock.
One by one, they scurried into line as I reclined in my Captain’s chair. A more motley lot I’d never seen. And I couldn’t have been prouder.
“You’re late. What do you have to say for yourselves?”
They looked from one to the other, mouths clamped shut. I let them suffer a bit longer then demanded, “Someone answer me.”
Immediately, the crew thrust Bo’sun forward. That’s what she got for being the talker of the bunch.
“We’re, uhm, sorry?”
“Argh, a sorry lot you are. It’s time I did what I should have done a long time ago. Turn your sorry asses around and march.”
Frozen in place, they’re eyes grew to the size of pieces of eight.
Chance muttered to Santa, “She’s throwin’ us to the Kraken. And he ain’t eaten in days. I never should have tried to hug ‘er.”
“I smell like the galley. He’s going to pick me first,” Santa said with an audible gulp.
Scuttlebutt spit in my direction. “This is going to totally fuck up your karma, just so you know.”
“I gave you an order, now turn around.”
Finally following my command, they turned as one … then squealed in surprise. There in front of them, covering the entire back half of the ship, was a make-shift island made up of what must have been a ton of sand and glitter dotted with half a dozen inflatable palm trees. In the center stood a towering Christmas tree decorated with flash drives, ink cartridges and empty rum bottles.
Our hottie crew had proved to be quite resourceful. I made a mental note to give Blondie a special bonus.
The crew raced to the tree, each finding a present with her name on it. Sin ripped into hers and beamed as she pulled shiny new ninja stars from the box. Bo’sun hugged her new Netbook to her chest, and Marn was showing the matching pirate booties and onesies to all who would indulge her.
J Perry found new beads of every color imaginable then settled in a corner to work on a new necklace. Santa mooned over the box of fragrant, imported cheeses, and Hal looked to be speechless as she flipped through the pages of 101 Ways to Kill Without Making a Mess.
I noticed Chancey standing off to the side, looking forlorn at not finding a present of her own.
It was time to give her what she wanted most.
I tapped her on the shoulder. “What’s the matter, Mo?” She tried to look like she didn’t care, but I saw the mist in her eyes.
She ran her nose across her sleeve and said, “Nothing, Cap’n. I’m good. I know I ain’t been on the crew long so’s it makes sense I wouldn’t get nothing.”
I smiled. “But I do have a present for you, Mo.”
She looked back to the tree where all the presents were opened, then back at me in confusion.
“It’s right here.” I threw my arms wide, waiting for her to figure it out. Within seconds I found myself wrapped in the biggest bear hug I’d ever experienced.
Part of my brain twitched and told me to push her off, but I held on tight anyway. Looking up to the sky I whispered, “I won’t blow this second chance, Jane. I promise.”
Just when I thought Chance would squeeze me into an early grave, Sin tapped me on the shoulder.
“Here,” she said, handing me the box she’d tried to give me the day before.
“What is it?”
Looking very pleased with herself, Sin said, “Just the phone number to a certain hottie from the past who might consider giving you another chance at the mushy stuff.”
I couldn’t believe it. My own potential happy ending. Wrapped up in a neat little package with a bow on top.
“How did you find him?”
“International Super Secret Pirate Ninja Tart Spies have their ways,” she said.
“It’s called Google,” chimed in Bo’sun, rolling her eyes.
“Ahoy, Revenge Pirates!” The crew turned to see two strangers climbing aboard the ship. Just the men I wanted to see.
Stepping forward, I thanked the men for returning. Then, loud enough for all to hear, I announced, “I’ve offered these gentlemen the use of this ship to start the Tortuga Writers Sanctuary. Any writer looking for support, inspiration, or merely a means to get away is always welcome to climb aboard The Revenge. Free of charge, no questions asked. What say you, crew?”
“Huzzah!” the crew cheered. “Huzzah!”
And then, as I watched my crew embrace each other amidst tears and laughter, I vowed to appreciate them, to spread the joy of writing, and to make sure every Christmas would always be as perfect as this one.
What would make Christmas perfect for you, matey?
Books by the Crew
39 comments:
Did I say he'd be sneakin' that kiss from me? ;)
He can even grab me ass when the relatives ain't lookin'...
Ah, wow. Nice endin'! Ya made me cry! A perfect Christmas? Screamin' wild, heart thumpin' sex.
'Couse, I'll be at me Mum's, so I don't expect it. I'll settle fer seein' me Mum relaxed, me sis relaxed, me dog crashed asleep after a good dash 'bout the dog park, husband sneekin' a hot kiss under the mistletoe and me havin' a few moments a' worryin' 'bout absolutely nothin'...
And Hel? I'll send ya some wrappers!
Very Nice. The perfect ending. :D
Its only breakfast time, but its nearly Christmas so what the hell. Irish coffee anyone?
Cheers! :D :D :D
It was the hug, wasn't it, Chancey? LOL! I knew that would get you! (Don't tell Hellie I told you, but that part got her too.)
Gosh, I wish I had somebody wanting to sneak hot kisses from me. *pouts* Maybe next year.
Q - I'll take some of that coffee! I just used the last of me Vanilla Caramel Brownie creamer. Perfect time to switch to Irish cream.
Shut up, Bo'sun! Don't you be tellin' tales!
And then out of nowhere, a handsome man boarded the ship, crossed the deck, and swept Hellie into his arms. He frowned at her and said, "If you ever leave me again, I will spank you. Is that clear?" and then he kissed her. And it was the best Christmas ever. Sin smirked and went back to trying out her ninja stars.
And fuck Dickens. I don't care how he ended his stories.
Yay! Gotta love a happy ending. :) The hug was the perfect present! I feel like there's more to come with what happens with the hottie from the past though. More! More!
Melissa - Don't encourage her!!!
And for the record, she really does have pink POTC pajama pants. They're very cute.
But I did give him back to you! Didn't you read it??? Sin gave you his number at the end so you could get him back.
Gah! If you wanted to write the damn ending, you should have just done it.
No, that is not giving him back to me. Me having to call him is not giving him back to me. What kind of romance author are you? Do you know nothing of alpha males at all? They STALK, they FOLLOW, they SWEEP, and they DEMAND. They do not wait for you to call and grovel at them.
That's your kind of hero, not mine.
What a wonderful ending to a fabulously put together round robin Christmas tale!
Don't fight about the ending you two. It's Christmas for God's sake.
I wore them last night actually. There's a hole in the butt, but I wear them anyway.
I even wear them in hotels. At 4 am.
I'm sure this will come as a shock to you, but a) this story is not really about YOU and b) this is not a romance!
LOL!
Stop whining!!! Obviously, you did not learn the lesson after all.
*sticks tongue out at Sin too* Make me.
Oh, I got it! An ending that combines Bo'sun's best and mine--and keeps Sin in character (because Sin will NOT tell you what's in the box, no matter how much you ask. Poker face, poker face.)
Just when I thought Chance would squeeze me into an early grave, Sin tapped me on the shoulder.
“Here,” she said, handing me the box she’d tried to give me the day before.
“What is it?” I asked, opening the box and holding up a tiny silver key.
"It's handcuff key."
"Where are the handcuffs?"
"You'll figure it out. They're on the ship. Merry Christmas." And by the smirky nature of Sin's grin, I knew someone was at the end of them, but who. And just how grumpy. Had they agreed to be handcuffed who knew where for God knows how long?
Not likely.
I'm going to give Chance another hug and talk about lumpia recipes. Where's the rum!
LMAO Hellie! Sin would stick a man in handcuffs without his consent, wouldn't she? *innocent smile*
Perfect ending Ter and J Perry! What a wonderful way to celebrate a pirate Christmas! And 100 ways to kill without making a mess? You know me so well. I'd kill for that! *groaning over bad pun*
Merry Christmas pirates!
What a great ending!
Q - I'll take one of those Irish Coffee - We have Jameson in the decanter, cream in the fridge and sugar on the counter so it's at hand for Irish Coffee anytime the temp gets lower!
Chance you cracked me up with the sneaking kissies - but I'm the one who sneaks the ass grab whenever his family isn't looking!
Sabrina - For some reason, I doubt he minds.
Hal - Just don't make a mess!
Last minute party prep stuff is spread all over my desk! (This would be the day job party, not the pirate party. Could you imagine if I had a string of penis Christmas lights strewn across my desk? LMAO!!!)
Fantastic ending! Great job one and all this week! Thanks for the entertainment as always!
Hmmm... I will also take one of those Irish Coffee's and a couple of those kisses, although my DH just doesnt give a damn who's watching! LOL! The man has no scruples, come to think of it maybe he is a real pirate!!! LOL!
What makes a perfect Christmas? Just being here on earth to enjoy it , healthy, happy and surrounded by family!
Melissa - Don’t encourage her!!!
Ah, heck. She gives us writing stowaways plenty of encouragement and so do the rest of you pirates. Thanks for the holiday gift of the story this week and year long encouragement. :)
*hrumphf* I'll have you know, I don't need to get permission from my handcuffee before I handcuff them. They usually can't protest either way.
*grin*
Besides, I did it for you Hells. Because I heart you that much.
Wondeful ending all! Happy Christmas!!!! :)
Oh gosh, the lights...I'd die laughing!
And I'll participate in the coffee in spirit only since I can't stand the stuff. ;)
I bet I could get penis shaped lights at the store I visited... ;)
Fur lined handcuffs? Saw some interestin' stuff at the adult toy store yesterday... Costume ideas, anyone? ;)
Irish coffee...sigh. Sounds so good.
And aye, me DH be a bit on the shy part when it comes ta exchanging hot steamy kisses where his MIL can see.
Hel - What da ya want ta know?
And I'm invitin' Hector on board fer this party...is that he and Jack I see rowin' fractically jus' in front a' the Kraken? (We needs ta feed the beast more often...he's gettin' thin. I'll unpack and toss all the critics that haunted me on the cruise ship, that should plump him up pretty fast!)
I'm surprised you don't already have them. LOL!
They would overpower my 12 inch bead tree...
Like you wouldn't hang them on the porch.
Well, my driveway neighbors would find that interesting...!
I'll take an Irish coffee, and I don't even drink coffee. I had to go to the library and the grocery store today, and it's cold and raining and windy. Then this idiot ran a crosswalk stop sign at Kroger and splashed me with cold water as he nearly ran me down. To make things more miserable, I left my medicine in the buggy and have to go back to the pharmacy to get it. At least someone turned it in to the pharmacist.
I was feeling very Scrooge-like, but the conclusion to your carol has me smiling and feeling Christmasy again. I've loved every bit of the story.
I'm running the risk of making some of you gag, but I must say that my perfect Christmas is having everyone I love healthy and happy and conscious of what Christmas truly means.
No gagging, Janga. That's a sweet thought and I hope it comes true. Sorry to hear about your crappy day. At least the inconsiderate driver was balanced out by the good samaritan who turned in your medicine.
Consider yourself hugged!
Janga, I'm very, very glad your medicines got turned in and you got them back--even though you were very wet and miserable. And I'm glad you didn't get hit either!!! And I'm glad our CC charmed you back into the Christmas spirit.
I second Bo'sun. That is a great Christmas sentiment and worthy of another 'hear, hear!'
Well, I make that five for Irish coffee, we have a quorum for a Christmas toast!
I'm sure that Janga could do a million times better now that she is smiling, but I dun me best:
Here's to the crew of the romance writers revenge
With skill and aplomb they brought the year to an end.
With hugs and kisses and a squeeze down below.
The world now looks cosy and is starting to glow.
To lovers of romance wherever you be.
Read the pirate's Carol, and swoon over it with glee.
The small glasses contain Irish whisky with ice for the connoisseurs. :wink:
Bottoms up and down the hatch. :D
Mind if'n I bring a big bottle a' Baileys ta the toast? I got a dozen mini hurican glasses from me numerous Princess cruises I never get ta use! I get the orange one, Ter gets the vivid blue, Sin gets the pink one, Hel the gold one, Q gets the silver one, green goes to Santa, red ta J. Perry, yellow ta Marn...they all out?
Anyone else want ta raise a glass ta be filled?
Here's ta the Revenge and hugs all around!
Count me in, Chance! Make mine a double! I've decide move up my alcohol consumption date:)
Awesome end to an awesome Christmas Carol. I'll never view Scrooge the same again, no matter what version I'm watching.
Awwww, how sweet, the hug got me too! I've missed you guys so very much!
Fantabulous!!
Perfection to the very last sylalble.
Raising my pale pink glass in all the pirates honor!
Di
Me DH put in a request that we all hug again so he can watch...
Great toast, Q!!! I'll raise a glass to that! (This is like the third time I've toasted tonight. Seriously, I work with some drinkers.)
Thanks, ladies. So glad you like the way it ended.
Chance - You forgot Hal. I think we should give her the purple glass. And your DH (I'm now dubbing Chance Taker...*w*) will have to wait, us right coasters are headed to dream land.
He'll jus' make up a hug in his head and we'll all be naked...
Sorry, Hal! I knew I was missin' one a' the glasses I got!
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