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Isn't It Romantic
Last week I mentioned I might cover the Harlequin Kerfluffle in this blog. And I thought about it, but at this point, everything has been covered. So, I’ll give you some links in case you haven’t seen them in order to bring you up to speed, and maybe when there are new developments, I’ll dive into the topic then. And trust me when I say, this Kerfluffle is FAR from over. Now, go here and here and here and get all the details you need to know.
This change of topic meant finding a new topic. Hmmmm….what shall we discuss. I know, how about romance? I sort of eavesdropped on a twitter conversation last week about what is romance and what is just romantic. I think it centered around Nicholas Sparks books not being considered romances. He is Mr. I-CANNOT-LET-MY-CHARACTERS-LIVE after all. That doesn’t make for a lot of Happily Ever Afters.
As writers of romance novels, it’s our job to create romantic situations and make sure our characters say the most romantic things. That means we should be experts, right? Uh…sure.
I’ll include my disclaimer right now, I am no expert on what is romantic. But as a writer, I’ve put some thought into this question. What I’ve come up with is the following list.
1) Sweetness – I’m not sure how to explain this but I think everyone recognizes a sweet moment when they read one. It might be the hero teasing a blush from the heroine or the heroine brushing a lock of hair off the hero’s forehead. The best sweet moments are those that take one of the characters by surprise. A great way to show a change in perception and we all know showing is always better than telling.
2) Honesty – This isn’t just any kind of honesty, this is the big kind, emotional honesty. For me, there is nothing better than that big emotional confession when one character admits a fear or longing. Often expressed through frustration or anger, it’s pretty obvious the confession was neither planned or thought out, making it all the more honest of a reaction. Which moves us to the next item on the list.
3) Vulnerability – All of my favorite romantic moments include a character showing vulnerability. But what makes the scene romantic is the reaction of the other character. It’s the moment when the other person understands, consoles, pushes, or reassures the vulnerable one. If that reaction is wrong, it can ruin the entire story.
I’m sure there are many other elements that make something romantic, but Hellie is always professing things are good in threes. So I’m stopping here and turning it over to you.
What do you consider romantic? Do you try to create romantic moments when you’re writing? And what scenes have stuck with you over the years as the most romantic scenes ever? (And if you promise not to get all mushy, feel free to share your own real-life romantic moments. But I can’t promise not to get grumpy if it gets out of hand.)
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36 comments:
I agree wit' an element a' sweetness, a sweet spot in the story. Though me sweet spots tend ta be sweaty spots. ;) When the sudden realization is that the sweat is sweet. More than sweet mayhaps. Aye, more than sweet definately.
Honesty, ya got it there, too. When the honesty breaks through the fear and the vulnerability.
I'd toss in a point a' proof. Fer me books, proof that often comes wit' a real fear a' losin' everythin'...the relationship, life, the world!
But that be me books! Wouldn't be one a' me books wit'out the chance a' losin' everythin'!
Oh, by now everybody knows that as a Rutgers college student my husband sold blood and walked 40 blocks with bus terminal flowers so he'd have money for our first date of dinner and a movie. The date was Friday night and he didn't leave until Sunday. What can I say? He was irrisistible, and I was easy.
I tend to intersperse some humor amidst the angst in my romance scenes. There's nothing like a guy who can lighten your mood with some wit.
I think that humour is an important ingredient, both in fiction and real life.
A great writer doesn't need it of course, but for lesser mortals without it, the 'sweet moments' can become 'sickly' moments or as Chance suggests 'sweaty' moments.
A good example of how humour can balance the mix is given by Amanda Quick's 'Ravished'. A better title might have been 'The fossil hunter'. The heroine's obsession with fossils is central to the plot and leads to many humorous, even hilarious moments.
When in bed,I particularly liked the way that the heroine runs her hands over the hero's body and compares with her latest fossil finds. "A very fine femur". When she gets to the 'manhood' she comments "I haven't found one of these as yet, but this is harder than any of my fossilised remains". And its all mixed up with romance and skulduggery.
An example from my own romantic life occurred near the fountains in Trafalgar Square. I had finally picked up enough courage to steel a kiss, and just as described in romance novels, my heroine was 'deepening the kiss' when something landed on our heads.
A banana skin had materialised. Like all true lovers we ignored the idiot spectators, until the third banana that is. Like Terri said, three is enough! :wink:
Oh, here was a picture of what that plant stand sort of looked like: here
Romance is definitely a combination of all those things. The sweet, the honest and the vulnerable. I agree too that there should be some humour. I love a really deep, emotional story that lightens things up with a funny moment.
And okay, I'll share a "sweet" moment.
When hubby and I were still dating, I had seen this plant stand in a store (kind of like this: ) Anyway, it was going for something like $300 and I was just a university student with my first apartment. There was no way I could afford it, so whatever. I forgot about it.
Well, hubby's father is a welder and he was able to get the wrought iron for free and he showed my hubby how to make it himself. Hubby told me what he was going to do so that I could have input into the design, and then he got to work.
I guess he was taking longer to make this thing than his dad thought was appropriate, so dad took it upon himself to finish it for my hubby.
The most romantic part was that, instead of presenting me with the beautiful plant stand that his father had finished for him--hubby gave that plant stand to his mother, started to make another one for me (which turned out even better--if not as structurally perfect), and told his dad to keep his hands off! :)
I totally agree with your 3 ingredients for a great romance, Terri. I was going to add humor (JK beat me to it:)). I don't need humor for it to be an awesome romance, it just kicks up the keeper status for me when there's humor.
My DH is very romantic. He loves the big gesture kind of thing. When we were dating (long distance - him in California, me in the midwest), he arranged to show up at a Moody Blues concert I was going to be at with my brother and some friends. He flew in (the airport is about an hour from his home), showed up at his parents unannounced, asked to borrow the car and then drove to the outdoor theater (another hour+ away). Got there at about dusk and found me - I had lawn seats. I don't know if any of you have been to an outdoor theater with lawn seats, but it was like finding a needle in a haystack. He was supposed to meet up with my brother but they didn't connect.
I was with my sister and cousin sitting on the lawn when he came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned, screamed and tackled him. My sister looked at my cousin and said "Who is she rolling around on the lawn with?" It took me about a good hour to stop shaking. I don't like to be shocked like that but he keeps doing it over and over again.
Maggie - I love your blood donor story, too. I've told it about a half a dozen times already! LOL
JK - that is a totally romantic story!!! I love that he did it himself and didn't give you his father's version.
I think all three of those combined make one of the Turning Point Moments of a book (or movie). The example that comes instantly to mind is in Stranger Than Fiction, when Will Ferrell, who has up to this point come across as sleazy and irritating to The Baker, and to make amends, he bring her flowers--or well, FLOURS.
Isn't that sweet? He brings a Baker FLOURS!
Then when she asks him why, he shoots for honesty and says he wants her. And stutters the whole time, looking intensely vulnerable...and it's quite the nailbiter as you wonder if the Baker is going to start screaming at him again.
But no, she takes him in. A turning point in the relationship.
Chance - Uhm, okay. *wrinkles brow* I think I get out of that the moment when one faces the big "end of the world as we know it" moment and proves he/she can come through. And also prove their love. Is that what you mean?
Maggie said:
He was irrisistible, and I was easy.
That is so romantic!! Well, it's romantic because you're still together. LOL! You're a very lucky woman, Mrs. Robinson. Though I think he's the lucky one. :)
And a little humor is always great. Mostly because a romantic moment should make you smile. After you go "AWWWWWWWWW", of course. Great moments happen when it's all serious and then something really odd happens (as in a banana falling on your head *g*) and you're able to laught at it together.
Q - That Amanda Quick moment is great. Sexy humor is such a fun touch. And I do hope after the third banana, you and Mrs. Q starting throwing them back!
JK - I love the flower pot story. It just wouldn't have been the same if he'd given the one his dad made. It wasn't that pot (or the perfection of it) that was the point, it was the work going into it. The effort. That's really all women want, is to know a guy is willing to make an effort. And not because he thinks he has to, but because he wants to.
Which they don't usually get at all. LOL! Kudos to Mr. Coi for getting it!
I'm loving the blood donor and the flower pot stories...but I'm sorry, my favorite is the Needle in a Haystack story. That's totally Last of the Mohicans, right there: I WILL FIND YOU.
Irish - You already know I want to clone Mr. Irish. Why do you do these things to me? LOL! That is so sweet. I have been to TONS of outdoor concerts and enjoyed many a show from the lawn. I can't believe he managed to find you in a crowd like that. But the "screamed and tackled him" is the best part of that story. LOL!
Hellie - I found the ingredients of a turning point?! How about that? I still need to see that movie. (Don't yell at me again!)
This was more about creating those little moments that make something romantic, but we can't forget the bigger romantic moments either.
Well, you found the ingredients of THAT particular turning point. I don't know if every turning point is like that, but if turning points are about change, then logically you're probably vulnerable in order to make the change. And you also have to be honest with yourself... You don't necessarily have to be sweet about it. Pretty sure just the latter 2 would pull off a turning point--though in a romance, having all 3 would help.
To me, I think those three are hooked together because I don't think you can be "sweet" without making yourself vulnerable. That's the whole thing about being sweet: you're a target of ridicule if you're with the wrong person. And usually where sweet and vulnerable are hanging out, honesty is there, reminding everyone why we're there...
...it’s romantic because you’re still together.
Huh. Makes me think about all kinds of things...are the romantic moments forgotten if you don't stay together? Are the romantic moments only for "the one?"
I was watching a repeat of Boston Legal this weekend and had one of those "awwww" moments. After the trial concluded, the attorneys - former lovers and opposing council - continued to spar. In his face she yells things that amounted to "I hate you and never want to see you again." He says, "then why is your hand in mine?" And the camera pans down to their hands interlocked. Awwww! An awwww moment for me anyway. Someone else might have thought it cheesy, but I loved it. I think it did have all three factors of sweetness, honesty and vulnerability. Great list! :)
No, I don't think the romantic moments are only for those we're still with. For instance, when I was in 11th grade, a 9th grader wrote me a poem. (Clearly I was a cougar even then.) It was very romantic. I think he managed to rhyme where I was better than even hunting deer or something...it's Missouri.
However, I think Bo'sun's off the cuff remark is only aimed that in most cases, where we're no longer with a guy in question, we don't think of anything romantic they may have done for us, mainly because we're too blocked by a desire to set him on fire or run him over with a car. This is a perfectly valid feeling.
For instance, my gay ex-boyfriend bought me red roses and 6 boxes of chocolate for Valentine's Day. Other than my dad buying me a valentine balloon one year that said I Love You (I still have it), it was the only male-gift given to me at Valentine's. However, I don't think of it as a particularly romantic thing because whenever I think of him, my lip curls and I basically want to set him on fire.
She was holding his hand? Yeah, I probably would have to watch that in context. If I'm screaming at you that I hate you, you better not be touching me because I will rip off your arm and beat you with it.
I'm noted to be violent though.
I like the honesty, vulnerability, and the sweetness. Very true. I think the best authors, even if they're dark writers, include these elements.
As for a romantic moment.... I bought my first place about 6 months after starting to date my DH. The place didn't have a refridgerator, so I ended up buying one from someone in the neighborhood. My DH--boyfriend at the time--went with me in the Uhaul to pick it up but we didn't have the right equipment to get it onto the truck, only the dolly that would roll it out to the truck. (I guess there's a specific thing to lift it.)
So, my DH rolled the refridgerator on that dolly through my entire neighborhood--in the middle of the night for a little over a mile--while I drove the Uhaul in front of him so no one would hit him. My mother had been waiting for us to get back with it and when I pulled up she said, "If I had any doubt before, I know now for sure. That boy adores you."
She was right.
:)
Video conference done. Snack shopping up next. *sigh* I'll be in and out but Hellie has been so sweet to agree to play hostess this morning. One of her less violent moments.
:)
About the "you're still together bit", I kind of meant the "I was easy" thing. LOL! I've been easy in the past, not so romantic looking back. But I'm thinking the blood donation would be considered sweet no matter how things turned out.
And Hellie is right, I have a hard time remembering anything romantic when it comes to exes. Especially if we didn't part ways on a happy note. But that probably lends to the "we only remember the bad stuff" thing we always talk about.
And I'm off again!
I like the honesty, vulnerability, and the sweetness. Very true. I think the best authors, even if they’re dark writers, include these elements.
I think these elements are both sides of the same coin. When the gamble doesn't pay off or it's one sided, romantic elements like honesty vulnerability or sweetness could make an interesting villain. Maybe I'm just feeling sinister. LOL My bad guy in my WIP doesn't feel his romantic gestures have been appreciated and I think it's interesting when different characters have completely different views of an event or memory they both shared.
Marn: I agree with your mom. Clearly he adored you.
I think it’s interesting when different characters have completely different views of an event or memory they both shared.
I agree. This is very interesting. (At least I find it so for my current book. But since men and women see things so differently, what a guy would consider a romantic gesture, women think, WTF? Sorta funny when it's not happening to you.)
Eh, Bo'sun...more like the big sacrifice moment... She's just been condemned to death, he throws 'imself on the executioner afore he understands the sentence be voided... Meanwhile, everythin' is falling apart...the sky is fallin', la, la, la...
Ya know, the proof! He's willin' ta die fer her. Or she be willin' ta die fer him. they'd rather die tagether than live apart. Don't know why, I always throw death in there somewhere!
Q - I love it when sweet moments become sticky moments...long as it be the right kind a sticky.
I'm back. *takes deep breath* The afternoon should be better.
Very good point about perceptions and how what one might see as romantic, the other might not. But, as it pertains to writing romance novels and since that audience is predominently female, I'm sticking with my list. LOL! I'd imagine the list of what men find romantic would involve beer, sports, and someone (preferably one or more women) naked. Writing that in a Romance would not carry a lot of weight.
Quick disclaimer for Q - The above comment is a gross generalization taking into account mostly American men as those are the ones with which I am better acquainted.
There, that should do it.
Chance - I think I got it. But I don't think you necessary need to have a whole lot at stake to create the nice little romantic moment. I'm pretty sure nothing horrible was going to happen if Marn's DH hadn't wheeled that fridge a mile down the road.
But, coming to that, that story is awesome sweet, Marn. My ex would barely open the fridge door for me, never would he have wheeled one somewhere. LOL!
Yes, I know, he didn't adore me. Well, not as much as he adored himself. :)
:) What's funny about the wheeling the fridge story is that once we got it back to the condo, we couldn't get it up the stairs into the house. LOL!
I had to have a good guy friend come in the middle of the night to help the DH get the fridge into the house. ahaha!! :) Poor guy. All that effort to be thwarted at the end.
The best romances are those who survive being thwarted only to push on. LOL!
I enjoyed the very sweet stories here. Shows that American men can be very romantic when they want to be. Despite the critical comments from Helli and Terri.
But since men and women see things so differently, what a guy would consider a romantic gesture, women think, WTF? Sorta funny when it’s not happening to you.)
I think perception changes when you are smitten. When in love, the sort of PRACTICAL gift that a man might come up with will seem thoughtful and loving. If your not in love though it might seem like scheming and stupid. For example a gift of a shiny new kettle might seem like he is hoping for more cups of tea. *grin*
Consistently with Terri's disclaimer,a Romantic Brit would of course hide a diamond ring inside the kettle. :D
Q - I love it when sweet moments become sticky moments…long as it be the right kind a sticky.
Like I said Chance, in the hands of a great writer anything goes. :wink:
Ain't that sweet! I think he said I be a great writer!
Well, that's how I'm percievin' it, anyway!
(Haven't had a chance ta glance at yer comments, Q. But thanks beforehand, anyway! Sure they'll be great!)
;)
Q, my cynical little remarks come from hard experience.
Most cynicism comes from hard experience. If all ya had was soft experience, there'd be no cynicism at all.
I think...
:)
Thanks for playing along today y'all. Sorry I couldn't be around more. Now I'll be going home and pounding my head against a wall. Hope everyone has a nice evening.
Chance - I wouldn't poke the bear today, dear. Might not be good.
Q - A vacuum cleaner will never be a good gift. Just give it up.
Was I pokin'? I didn't think I were... Hey, she's the one who wrote that damned story in first person... I'm beatin' me head against the hull on that one!
Contrary captain!
The person who gets to START the story gets to put it in any person she likes. Thank you and good luck with that.
And don't poke the bear.
*sticking tongue out at you
Interesting topic! I agree that sweetness, honesty and vulnerabilty make for great romantic moments. And if the sweetness gets 'sticky', well, if it's well done I won't complain!
As for my romantic moment...when my DH and I had just started dating, we met up at a coffee house one night and it started to snow. We both had our cars, and without saying anything about it, he followed me home - a fair distance out of his way - to make sure I arrived safely. Then he just waved and drove off. He wasn't angling for anything, just being a gentleman. I thought, 'this is a really good guy.' And I was right.
Hi there, Jennie. Welcome to the ship!
A man who will drive out of his way in a snowstorm and then doesn't even try to get in the house is definitely a good guy. LOL! Lucky you! He gets the Pirate seal of approval. (But careful, it might smell like rum.)
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