Thursday, April 9, 2009
Constructive Fantasy
I admit, sometimes I compare the heroes in my favorite romance novels to the man sitting across from me at the dinner table. On a really good day, my significant other is comparable to a reformed rake, other days, not so much. I chose him to be the hero of my life, he loves me for who I am, and he is a wonderful father to our son. Sometimes his character arc could use some work, but overall, it’s a happily ever after.
One of my good friends recently decided to stop reading romance novels. She can’t let the fantasy of her literary heroes stay within the pages. She compares all of their “heroic qualities” to those of her husband, and he just doesn’t measure up in her eyes. She realizes this isn’t fair, but she still wants to throw rocks at him every time she finishes a romance novel. We’ve had lengthy discussions about this issue. I argue the fantasy card and she argues that she wants to read more substantial fiction that portrays the hero as a more average male. I can empathize with her to a certain point. I understand that some romance heroes are a little over the top, but most have the basic characteristics our significant others possess. It’s great to read about a hero who has attractive physical qualities, but I always look for an honest heart. Even the most notorious rake can have a sympathetic heart for those less fortunate, or at least he is good even when he is bad. If every hero was your average Joe, wouldn’t reading become a favorite past time? Readers wouldn’t make a purchase at the bookstore; they would glance at the man holding the remote every time they passed through the living room with a load of laundry.
I enjoy immersing myself in the fantasy lives of fictional heroes. The more far removed the story line is from my life, the more I enjoy the book. I suppose that is why I am such a fan of historical romance. I become fully entranced by ballroom scenes and those stolen moments of passion. It’s a treat to escape into the past by holding a book in my hands. I also know when the book goes back on the shelf that I can use the fantasy to my advantage. It can inspire me to write, it can inspire my interaction with my real life hero, or it can relieve stress at a time when I have zero access to a Big Boy Margarita.
I admire a hero who brings out the best in a heroine. Sure, it’s easy to become fixated on a charming hero, but my admiration comes from the growth he shows as a character throughout the story. I love a flawed, tortured hero who reforms, but doesn’t turn into a complete sap by the end of the story.
I think the secret between creating a good hero and a memorable one, is balance. He has to be charming but credible. A writer shouldn’t lose focus of his end compromise, and should always make his black moment as worthy as his character.
Have you ever compared literary heroes or heroines to your significant other? Do you avoid giving the heroes in your stories certain qualities? Does the passion in romance novels ever kick your libido into overdrive? *g*
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33 comments:
LOL. I started writing romance in the middle of the night just because I was so p*ssed off at my husband. I wanted to make a guy do just what I said for a change. Little did I know that fictional characters are just as damn stubborn and annoying as my husband. *g*
I read and write for the fantasy. I don't expect RL men to be perfect---they'd probably be even more insufferable than they are now.
Maggie,
You're right-most characters we create have minds of their own just like the husband.
I like that most of the heroes in books that I read are the opposite of my husband. Variety is the spice of life. *g*
When I had a significant other, the romance novels weren't the problem. The significant other was the problem. :)
But I have known women like your friend. One in particular who mourned the fact that she'd never find a guy who would love her the way Edward loves Bella. *insert giant eye roll here* I wish I could say she was a naive teen but this chick will be seeing 40 real soon. At that point, it's more a problem with distorted perceptions of reality and has little to do with the books.
But I also think it's important to note that the best heroes usually aren't perfect at all. He's perfect for his heroine, but not perfect. The idea is that in Romance novels, his imperfections aren't deal breakers. That and the phenominal bedroom skills are the only diffference between the fantasy hero and the real one. ;)
And I'll be the first to admit a good scene in a book can kick the libido into overdrive. I've been known to take a 1am walk on my balcony after reading some Nora Roberts scenes. LOL! Just to cool down.
And I forgot to mention I'll be flying half way across the country today so everyone have fun. This is a great blog, Lisa. But I have to wonder, has your friend mentioned if she likes her husband more now that she's stopped reading Romance?
Terrio,
Enjoy your trip, hope it's a safe one. Thank you for the kudos, it's amazing what I blog about when I have nothing to blog about:)
My friend is a hoot. I think her problem is her choice of husband, not what she finds in the pages of a romance novel. It's a shame she can't understand the escape factor of a great book. *sigh* Some of us just don't get it.
p.s. Terrio,
Edward Cullen is the ruination of male role model perception forever. I am continually amazed at the adult women who are Twilight obsessed to the point of insanity. (and I know Sin knows what I'm referring to:) and it's not her.
I point out to my friend all the bad qualities of litery heroes, but since she's a sex starved individual she has a tendancy to focus on the bedroom scenes. We all know that most of the time that isn't where the hero shows a weakness in his character:)
Great Blog Lis! :)
I don't think I ever compare my DH to the heroes in books. I don't really have a problem separating fantasy from reality. Honestly, in RL, when I met a guy like the kind of guy they always describe in romances (super tall, totally stacked, godly beautiful) well, I usually wrote him off. In my experience, most of those kind of guys in RL are real a-holes.
But I think that the outcome, the idea that the hero loves the heroine because of who she is and vice versa, through thick and thin, well, that stuff I do try to think lives in the real world. Maybe it's idealistic, but there it is. Call me gullible.
I don't think it matters if our everyday heroes have pot bellies or are thinning on the top. I don't think it matters if the closest they've been to an excitement was the last time the toilet overflowed. But if they love us for what we are and we return the favor, I think we take the very best from romance novels with us.
Well said Marnee!
I totally agree. The gorgeous men that I have met in real life are all about themselves. I have met few that are as good inside as outside. But, I live with a skewed vision. I work around medical docs and professionals who have the "God" syndrome so I don't get a accurate cross section of real life. LOL
My husband loves me at my worst, and sometimes that is enough to constitute the gifting of a purple heart, so in my eyes he is a hero.
Lisa - I was going to suggest the problem might lie in the choice she made, but then I always worry making comments like that is me projecting my experience on others. LOL! And since I have a hard time with over the top alphas, I guess I don't get the Edward thing. And to be fair, I didn't read the books.
I did see the movie and he can be charming, but the overbearing crap would just make me want to smack him. LOL! Then again, that's why those books are targeting to an audience that doesn't include me.
Marn - Wonderful point! Though as we all know, a-holes come in all shapes and sizes. :)
If only more people looked deeper, I think there'd be less divorces. And I count myself in that, obviously.
Every WORD. Typing would be a good look for me.
Ter, you're so right; a-holes do come in all shapes and sizes. LOL! I didn't mean to make it sound like only beautiful men are a-holes by any means.
I dated a guy once (briefly) who was not only beautiful but wealthy. I remember having conversations with him and thinking he was sooooo boring. And he seemed to be surprised when I wasn't hanging on every words. I think the shine of beauty wears off when what comes out of a beautiful mouth is stupid.
Yes, yes, and YES. *LOL*
Yeah, I find if I'm comparing my literary heroes to the guy in my life, it's comparisons like "good heart" or "crusty surface, gooey middle" or "great father" qualities. Not biceps and shoulders to weep over and write odes to. Not that his biceps are...oh, who the hell cares. He's on vacation and is not reading this blog...
I'm not sure about 'qualities' I don't give heroes. I don't give them certain jobs. I know certain famous published authors wax on and on about heroes being given power and money to make them powerful--the whole bit--and I just can't make my heroes into CEOs or corporate moguls. I can't. I find them boring. And incapable, to be quite frank. These guys are the type that if the car blew a tire, they'd call AAA and we'd be stuck waiting in a car untl they showed up 3 hours later. Actually, *I'd* get sick of it, change the tire myself, and tell the dude to take me home--that's what would happen.
To me, a man's power comes from his capability--not the many businesses he owns (though some would argue owning a bunch of businesses make him capable)--so I don't get *hawt* while reading about his corporate takeovers. I get hot when he...fixes something. Tie on a toolbelt, baby, or whip up dinner. Create something with your hands. (Maybe I like more creative guys? Something they're passionate about--that ADDS something to the world, you know? Sometimes I feel the CEO type is more...about destroying someone else to get more power and that also belittles him in my eyes.)
And yes, a well-written book can inspire me to jump poor unsuspecting men and ravish them. (Poor dears.) Lisa Kleypas' contemporaries come to mind. Something about Hardy Cates, being all rich and powerful--but you know he'd still look good in a toolbelt--how can you not turn to the honey next to you and mentally measure him for a toolbelt?
Lisa, did you say your poor friend is sex-starved? See, THAT'S the problem. Even I cut down on my reading of romances when my sex life was completely tanked with no hope of being reignited. It does get a little tiring to read about men who can't keep their hands off the heroine, despite any physical flaws, and take her EVERYWHERE: carriages, bedrooms, kitchen tables, ballrooms, wherever. When you're not being taken anywhere.
I mean, we're kinda raised with that maxim that men aren't that picky--and damnit, if they're not that picky, why the hell aren't they ravishing me?
I think it might be forgotten that romances are about the beginning of the relationship/marriage, where the sex is more...abundant. I have married friends who assure me it tapers off. It's great, but it tapers off. *LOL*
This may be way too much personal information, but what the hell. It's Friday *g* A couple years back, the hubby and I were having some marital "issues" which have since been (thank god) straightened out. And at the time, I was really struggling to read romance. But it wasn't so much that I was comparing specific characteristics.
By the end of a romance novel, you *know* (or you should, if it's written well) that the hero loves the heroine, more than anything else in the world. There's this surety in place, and the heroine knows as well, how much she is loved. And if you can't close the book and smile and know for sure that your husband or S.O. loves you just as much, than it's a hard thing to read (or at least, was for me). Each romance novel just made me more unhappy, because it was one more reminder that I was never going to be loved that way.
And now that that depressing story is over, I am happy to announce that our relationship is back on more stable footing, and I can happily read romance and compare my hero to a novel's hero. So I'd have to agree the problem is with the marriage, not the books. But it's a hell of a lot less terrifying to close a book than fix a marriage.
As for characteristics, I think my favorite characteristic in a hero is a generous heart. Someone who can see the good in people. Someone who, in spite of all the asinine things they might do or say, would do anything for someone they loved.
(sorry for the novel length rambling today!)
H, I so agree about the male who can fix things, and who works a toolbelt well:) That's one thing I continually find disappointment in my husband. He hates tools, and he is the first to call someone else to fix something. Not me. I have my own tool box and it isn't the cute pink wanna be toolbox you find for women. It's a black and decker and I have my very own cordless drill. Oh Yeah!
My dad worked 40 years as a maintanence man on the job so it floored me that my husband couldn't fix anything. I can remeber thinking that there should be a guide written for women who are contemplating marriage. All the qualities for the type of husband you desire. Or at least qualities you should take into consideration. Maybe I should write one:)
Hardy Cates is enough to make my libido go into turbo drive. I still swoon thinking about that scene where he rescues Haven in the elevator. And have you read Smooth Talking Stranger? Jack is da bomb.
Hal, It's Friday, there is no such thing as TMI:) I'm glad your marriage is back on track. I can see why a struggling marriage would warrant a lack of desire to read the perfect romance. You are so right, it is much easier to close a book than fix a marriage. And I totally agree on what you look for in a hero.
Sorry for the lack of spell check today. I have 101 things to do today, and I'm blessed with a day off.
I'll return later. I have to run some errands.
I take it back: Hal nailed the problem. (Though lack of sex, still an issue.) That sureity that you're loved as much as the heroine in the romance novel--or the depressing thought that you'll NEVER be loved like that would be enough to turn you off books. I mean, as a single gal, I can still read them and still have 'hope' that I will find someone that loves me like that. But to find myself in bed with someone on a rather permanent basis--and he doesn't love me like that and it looks like he'll never love me like that--oh, yeah, that's the start of some major depression. It's all about expectation...and you end up spending a lot of time wondering WHY there's something wrong with you that this guy isn't making the effort...because if you were special enough, he would. Men always make an effort if it's important enough to them...and when they don't make the effort, it becomes glaringly obvious you're not worth the effort.
Yep, exactly. And no one wants to feel like their less worthy of love than anyone else, or that they're never going to experience that. Major depression, indeed.
I think when guys complain about women not being able to separate real life from romance novels, it's not that we see tall, dark and handsome and then refuse to settle for, how'd Marn put it? Potbellied and thinning? lol. The pot belly and thinning hair isn't the problem. All we really want (or at least, all I want) is to know that at the end of the day, we still love each other and are ready to do it all again tomorrow :)
I'm back! Hey! Really... No one missed me yesterday, did they. Sigh. Vandals cut the fiber optics for me area, no internet, no cell phone...all day! Very strange day...
Anyway! Great blog, Lisa! I've never found meself leavin' off a' any readin' because it was too far removed from RL. I did quit watchin' House because his downer diatribes were too damned seductive.
So, I can see where impressionable readers could make a decision ta ease off the higher expectations a book might make. Tho the crew be right, they ain't really all that high. How hard be it ta love yer partner? Ya hopes not too hard. Well, hard enough. ;)
And yes, me libido is fired by what I read... ;)
I know the sis finds books and movies that are overflowin' with the trails and tributaions a' the wealthy and do-without-nothing people extremely annoying. Just too far from her life. Not with historicals, but contemps... I think I got that right. She'll let me know if'n I didn't...
Chance, sorry to hear about the vandals--excellent that you have your service back though! :)
I'm with your sis. I'm tired of rich and glitzy heroes/heroines in contemps. I want more Joe the Plumber books. Apparently that's not interesting enough to write a story about. (Gosh, someone should notify LaVryle Spencer...she shouldn't have made a dime.)
I would have to agree about CEO heroes - blegh. I actually don't think I've read about CEO heroes. I do read a lot of cop/military types, which I love. I've also been reading a lot of architects recently - the cool kind, who started out building houses and would rather be swinging a hammer than sitting in a board room.
cops and military still have that "everyman" quality, looks good in a toolbelt (holster, whatever) and is CAPABLE.
Architects are sexy. Again, creative though. I like those creative types.
Any guy with a hammer...long as he ain't chasin' the heroine wit' it.
She could not get inta "The Women" because they all shopped at Bloomingdales. Got ta admit, 'tis hard ta sympathise with a heroine that lives in a house like that...etc...
But ya could understand why a reader would set the book down...it ain't always 'cause RL ain't measurin' up. (visual that is really filthy, LOL!) Sometimes 'tis that the fictional world is too far removed from RL when it comes ta personal power and influence. And 'tis hard ta find anything in common with a woman who finds out 'er husband is cheatin' while having a manicure at Bloomingdales when ya buy yer nailpolish at Longs and do it yourself.
And why is it always that hero who is rich and influential...the heroine struggling and too proud to accept help. Would be an interestin' twist ta reverse those roles!
I agree with the ideal that it's a hard pill to swallow when you realize the person you are married to isn't going to ever love you like a hero in a romance novel. RL isn't always about sweeping someone off their feet, or "getting" one another, but it's a great day when you realize he's all you need.
Well-published authors say the hero must at all times look heroic. Being poor and rescued by the heroine won't work. You've emasculated the poor fellow.
Plus there might not be much fantasy in being the one who rescues the guy. Esp with money. That sometimes hits a little too close to home.
Hurumph. There still has to be a way to buck this rule and make the woman the one who saves...without emasculating the guy...
As I just wrote to me sis...
I guess my issue with the her/heroine thing...well, why can't they rescue each other? And instead of the woman teaching the man how to feel and he saves her farm... Why can't he teach her how to feel and she saves the farm? By making them always the other way, it stays within the stereotype of accepted roles. I like to challenge that.
That's me, troublemaker and bucking the system!
I'm all for bucking the system. I'm the girl who wants to write a romance book from the heroes POV:)
Yeah, Lisa! Have a hooha!
LOL. If men can write from a woman's POV, why can't I write from a male POV? A glittery hooha at that!
:O So mush Info :O ?THis Is he MOst AMAzing SIte DUDe?:D
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