Australia: Or Why You Should Go See Hugh Jackman's Soapy Chest Epic
I’m a Movie Lover. I’m possibly a bigger movie lover than I am a book lover, which is saying something; but the fact is, even if I don’t really like you, if you ask me to a movie, I’ll probably go. Such was the case in November 2001 when I was on this blind date, in which about thirty minutes into it, I realized we should have remained blind, extremely and totally blind. Between scintillating compliments about my unsurpassed beauty—which he interlaced with comments that his father thinks all the women he dates are dog ugly—and entertaining book summaries about a series called Captain Underpants, I contemplated death by caffeine toxicity, in which I’d drink so much coffee, my heart would just explode. However, much like Wesley and his immunity to Iocaine powder, I too was immune to quick and painless getaways. Damn all that Mountain Dew anyway!
Now where I’m typically rude and obnoxious in day-to-day events, on dates I tend to suffer in silence. This is the Hellion Dating Rulebook: You don’t actually tell your date you’d rather be set on fire than kiss him goodnight. You put up with his crap stories for two hours until you can politely leave. Then you politely never call him again.
But then he asked (between backhanded insults): “Hey, you want to see a movie?”, and I weighed the pros and cons.
Quandary: I’d be in this joker’s company at least two more hours.
Benefits: He’d probably fork out for the movie AND he can’t talk during it, which would be an immense improvement. Plus, once it was over, I would have every excuse to bolt away home and never call him again. Plus, I was likely to be hostage to his company for two more hours regardless, the movie would probably help if he couldn’t talk.
Iffy factor: He wanted to see Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone. Which, at the time, I had about as much interest in seeing as the guy I was on the date with. Still. It was a movie. It was supposed to be a good movie; and I’d probably end up seeing it eventually anyway, why not now?
So I went and I fell in love with this story. In fact, me saying I love Harry Potter is like Bill Clinton saying he cheated. I mean, you couldn’t have a bigger “DUH” statement. And now I’m impatiently counting down the days until the 6th installment comes to theaters, which is in about 33 weeks.
I could give you the minutes, but that would appear slightly obsessive.
Now the other thing I whine about incessantly is that the 6th installment of Harry Potter should have come out November 21st. You know the day that Twilight came out instead. Basically my Christmas got majorly shortchanged; and I’m not nearly the Twilight fan that some of the crew are. But I love movies! Where was I going to get my fix, damnit? This is a season for big major movie releases, either for the general audience holiday crowds or the Oscars. Surely I could find something to appease even my champagne tastes.
I saw Twilight. When my honey asked me how I liked the movie, I shrugged and said, “It was all right. I didn’t really like it a lot.” He just gaped at me. I’ve shown more enthusiasm for dentist appointments than I did for this movie. Clearly vampires and teenage Romeo & Juliet dramatic fare is not my cup of tea. Where were the wizards? The feasts? The hero with the martyr complex and his sidekicks, Captain Obvious and Miss Know It All?
Four Christmases looked funny, true, but it also looked slightly too close to home in some of the trailer glimpses. (Tim McGraw looks way too much like some of my in-laws, lounging on the sofa, talking about WWF.) Four Christmases has the look of a really long sitcom, but what I wanted was…something dramatic and dangerous and if some snogging when on, that’d be great too. And there is some serious snogging that should be going on in installment 6 of the Potter movies, just saying….
Fortunately Hugh Jackman heard my plea and his newest and best movie was out on Friday when I went to the theater. Australia. From the trailer, this is exactly what I knew about it: Hugh Jackman and Nicole make out and look like they’re having a great time doing it. Horses. Panoramic shots of Australia and some World War II bombing shots. So it was a Western…with kissing…and some really cool clothing from the 40s. I’m completely on board with this movie.
We go. This is what Australia is about: Hugh Jackman and Nicole make out and look like they’re having a great time doing it. Horses. Panoramic shots of Australia and some World War II bombing shots. Oh, and have I mentioned the really awesome, hot scene where Hugh is pouring water over himself and soap suds are sluicing down his ridiculously ripped back, and he turns around (i.e.: SOAPY AND WET) and we get a swoony shot of his ridiculously ripped chest (i.e.: suddenly apparent why he was tapped for Sexiest Man of the Year), to which he then hooks his thumb in his jeans, tugging the material just low enough where you see that shadowy dip at his hipbones…and you remember it’s Thanksgiving and you thank God he made men, especially men like Hugh, who are so damned good looking…and it doesn’t really matter he’s being completely impossible and arguing with the heroine about, God knows what, because frankly, he’s still rather soapy. And wet. I bet you dollars to donuts Nicole doesn’t have any idea what the hell they are arguing about either.
Okay, and there was a bad guy who wanted Nicole’s cattle ranch and a really, really bad guy who went around killing people; and there was the sad subplot about the Lost Generations, which touches on the fact racism doesn’t just exist in America but pretty much everywhere. And there was the swashbuckling victory where they drive the cattle through town…and there’s the sweet “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” bits which is a sort of theme throughout. Australia was more than Hugh’s soapy, wet chest, but I still contend that should by no means be underplayed, even if it’s immensely shallow. I don’t mind being shallow. I’ll take one for the team on this if I’m allowed to rhapsodize about his soapy chest for a few more blog pages.
And I’m allowed because Harry Potter got shoved back to a July 2009 release date. Not that I’m bitter or holding a grudge about it or anything.
Australia is being compared to Gone With the Wind—and I’ll give you, Hugh could probably give Clark Gable a run for his money. And Nicole’s character is infinitely more likeable than Scarlett ever was. It’s sweeping, it’s large, and it’s grandiose. (You guys really need to see this movie in the theater. Where else are you guys going to have the opportunity to see that many square inches of Hugh Jackman’s bare—and did I mention ridiculously ripped—chest? Exactly.)
I’m definitely fond of the epic, sweeping sort of love story. Though it is my bane and cross to bear, I am a huge fan of Titanic. Though I’m pretty sure my GXB cried more than I did, the weeper. I do love Gone With the Wind, if only for the realization that if someone could love Scarlett O’Hara, then someone can definitely love me. Walk the Line is another favorite. How can you not cry at that one? Dirty Dancing—okay, it’s maybe not epic, but it is my Twilight and how can I not love a movie where the heroine’s name is Frances? Exactly. Moulin Rouge, Braveheart, Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, Amazing Grace, The Notebook…. Okay, if it’s remotely a period piece, I probably own it, love it, cry whenever I watch it.
But then there are the epics which don’t work for me: Casablanca, Doctor Zhivago (can I get those hours spent watching that back?), Breakfast at Tiffany’s (she’s another Scarlett O’Hara), etc. But they have their fans.
So what makes a story epic for you? Do you hope that Lara and Yuri will get together at least once? Or are you like me and think it’s cruel that Doctor Zhivago was also a book? Do you run to the theaters when you see a movie trailer that remotely smacks of “period piece”? Anyone else get a good long look at Hugh’s chest lately and want to rhapsodize with me? What’s the best movie you’ve seen this year, and what one are you waiting on pins and needles to see next?
Books by the Crew
64 comments:
OMG! I guess I have to go. Not that I didn't want to, but now I have to go. Just to see Hugh, who happens to be the inspiration for my latest hero.
I've never seen Gone With the Wind. Never heard of Doctor Zhivago. Loved Dirty Dancing, Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Pearl Harbor, the list goes on and on. Well, as long as it's a period piece.
Renee
Hmmmm. I already had to admit that I skipped Australia to see Bolt again. I am a complete sucker for good animation...as much Hel is for a ridiculously ripped chest.
Anything Tim Burton does...especially if Johnny is in it...
Epics...I'm also a sucker for adventure movies. Both Mummy movies, all the Lord of the Rings, Pirate movies, any. The big disaster movies, Twister, Day After Tomorrow, The Core, Dantes Peak...give me interesting science and cool effects and I'm content.
Romance? Both of the Addams Family movies. Tish and Gomez...does it get anymore romantic than that? (Swoony sigh...)
Best B-movie ever? Deep Rising. (Treat Williams is my kind of hero...)
Excalibur slays me. I could watch it over and over and over...
And love bad horror movies. Which brings me to the new Day the Earth Stood Still...that looks like my kind of movie.
That...or the new Ice Age... ;)
I've loved Hugh since XMen... sigh...
And I do want to see this movie so bad, but it's next to impossible with kids to get out and see a movie. I love Doctor Zhivago, and all other David Lean movies :) Loved Braveheart (saw it twice in the theatre).. damn wanna stay and think of more, but gotta go find a cure for dog coughing...
Wow. I must admit (though I'm afraid I'm going to be strung up for this) that I haven't seen Twilight yet, even though I adore the books (except that last one, WTH was she thinking?!)
So, I am supposed to see that this weekend I think. And, as Tiff mentions, when you have little kids it's about as hard to find time to go to the movies as it is to go to the bathroom by yourself.
But, I LOVE epic movies. All the ones you mention are some of my favorites. DH and I just watched the LOTR movies again this weekend (they were on TNT, though we own them). I love love love HP too, POTC, the mummy movies, Gladiator, I love Titanic too, etc.
I think what makes epics great is that the characters, while they wrestle with their own internal conflicts, are also affected by the time period and are products of their time period. They struggle against constraints of their time, the way we do, so that they aren't just people, but people firmly grounded SOMEWHERE. It makes them more real.
I love epics also. Loved GWTW, Braveheart, Titanic, Patriot, POTC, P&P... like you said anything period. I'm still bummed I didn't get to see The Duchess at the theaters but I've got a pretty big screen at home and I'll have to just settle for the rental!
I knew nothing about Australia until about a week ago. The kids were watching TV, I went in the room to chase them to bed and the trailer came on. I just stood fixated on the screen while they were tugging at me saying "C'mon, Mom, you said to turn the TV off." To which I replied "Not yet, Hugh's on and this looks good!"
Hellion, I just love your dating stories! You crack me up. I really needed a good laugh this morning! Although the Titanic comment from the ex- BF still rates as one of the all time best, IMHO.
Renee: Don't worry about never hearing about Dr. Zhivago. In fact, all you need to know about that movie, you can learn in Must Love Dogs. I'm not a John Cusack fan, but I did come to like him more with this movie. He's a huge Dr. Zhivago fan, watches it all the time. *LOL* And Diane Lane, who he ends up with, also loves the movie. *I* am like the blonde office twit he takes out for one date. To see a midnight showing of Dr. Zhivago. *LOL* Me and Blondie could dish. "What the hell was the point of that movie? Everyone died!"
I love King Arthur too...that's probably my favorite retelling of the King Arthur story (as historically Hollywood as it clearly is--what is up with Keira Knightley's costumes?). At least Gwennie ends up with Arthur instead of destroying the kingdom by falling in love with Lancelot...man, that storyline irks me senseless. (Not the triangle part. I can see falling in love with someone you're not dating/married, but why Lancelot? I never saw the appeal of Lancelot. I always wanted someone to throw his curling iron into the bath water with him and save us all the trouble of listening to him.)
2nd Chance: I love animation movies too. I'm really into the PIXAR stuff now...I think that stuff is really impressive. When FINDING NEMO came out, I remember going on opening weekend to go see it. Which was a problem because I had PMS at the time and I sobbed uncontrollably when Nemo's mother died. I mean, come on, it's Disney, the mother is the first to go. I mean, you can't have a hero's journey if your mother keeps asking you if you're wearing your scarf and mittens because it's a nipply 57 degrees outside.
Tim Burton's stuff is great. *LOL* I think my favorite of his though is Sleepy Hollow. I could watch that ALL THE TIME. It doesn't hurt that Johnny Depp is in it. *LOL*
My favorite adventure movies (other than POTC) are the Indiana Jones movies. Swashbuckling hero by holiday, nerdy tweed-jacket professor by school term. Two fantasies in one.
Tiffany: I am not surprised you love Dr. Zhivago. With your love also of all classical music and Nick Cave, it's clear you enjoy suffering...which is clearly a requirement for all Russian novels. *grins*
You have to find a cure for dog coughing? Did you just make that up? Can't you make up better fibs than that? You're a writer for goodness sake!
Marnee: You're clearly excused for not having found time to go see Twilight. I love talking to young mothers about movies. "Have you seen this? This? This?"--and you have to go back to movies that were playing the year before the birth of their firstborn before you find something they've actually seen. What mother has time? Or more importantly, MONEY to do that? I mean, if you had the money to pay someone to watch your kid so you could have two hours off, wouldn't you use that time for a nap instead?
I think that's very true. There is a sense of "grounding", that they truly belong with the setting and are grown into it...that makes them more real. That's a very good way of putting it! Hell, no wonder setting is important then...maybe I should be paying more attention to setting as well as character!
And you're spot on about the movie thing. I think I've seen maybe 2 or 3 movies in the theater since DS was born. *sigh* Pathetic.
Yeah, setting.... I bet I would be better served with some attention to setting as well....
From - the historical writer who feels decidedly meh about history.
Irish: *grins* So how soon before you ditch the kids and go see the movie, then? *LOL* Hugh is worth the price of full admission...and I'm cheap, I never say this unless it's true.
I loved the Patriot! (Braveheart in America, as I call it.) I still love Mel, even if he's all crazy now. *sighs*
Well, I date to amuse those around me and make them very glad they're married. Unfortunately all the bad dates have made me so wary that when on a good date, about halfway through, I look suspiciously at who I'm with and go, "This is actually going well. What's wrong with you that you're not sharing?"--which pretty much ends the date right there.
You've seen 2 or 3 movies? You've doing better than most mothers I know. *LOL* Especially with a child under 3.
LOL!! Most of it is girls nights out stuff. My DH doesn't really like movies. We saw the OOTP when it came out, then I saw Mamma Mia on a girls night.... I can't remember any other ones right now....
Your DH doesn't really like movies, but you guys watch LOTR? I mean, that's a commitment there! Or do you mean he doesn't like "chick" movies, which everything in which some kissing might be involved is a chick flick?
You pretty much nailed it. He likes LOTR and he likes the HP movies after I finally talked him into reading the books (which he loved). Beyond that, not so much. Even action movies draw little response. I think he likes those two because of how complex they are. Hubby would prefer to watch sports if he needs mindless entertainment. If he watches a movie, it needs to be attention holding, if that makes sense. Oh, and no mushy stuff.
Sin, don't think I haven't noticed you're absent. Also don't think I've forgotten it was your BIRTHDAY yesterday.
EVERYONE, wish our Quartermaster a very happy birthday! I know she'll appreciate the well-wishes. She loves having a fuss made about her birthday!
Where did Matty take you out to eat last night? Somewhere special? Hopefully not the drive-thru...
Happy Birthday Sin!! :)
29?
Fuck.
That was the whole reason I was afraid to comment this morning. I knew you were waiting to ambush me.
Pirate.
Now now ladies.... Birthdays are to be celebrated, to be anticipated with hope and excitement, are the culmination of another year of blessings and achievements....
Hm. The best movie I've seen this year- I dunno. I can't remember. I like movies. I'm not like Mattycakes where I can memorize movie lines from seeing it once or recall a movie scene from memory that I saw 10 years ago. I think maybe one of the best movies I watched this year was Bella. It was a story of this soccer player who killed a little girl in an auto accident and he has the chance to redeem himself by adopting a little girl whose mother didn't want her. It was a beautiful story. Indy film.
Was Becoming Jane early this year, Hellie? I still watch it over and over again to torture myself. Not to mention I loved Untraceable.
Oh hell. I'm going to my cabin if we're going to wax poetic about birthdays. *slinking off to find a barrel of rum and drown myself*
Becoming Jane came out August 2007.
Fine, sling off, Sin, but we're just going to sing obnoxious birthday songs in your absence. And tell our favorite Sin stories. *lifting eyebrows*
I'll tell my favorite gym stories so don't go there.
I just saw Becoming Jane this year too, Sin.
I loved Becoming Jane. And the ending kills me every time. EVERY time.
I haven't had a chance to read all the comment but I wanted to chime in then I'll come back. I didn't see anything epic about Twilight, but as I keep saying, it wasn't targeted at me anyway so that's no biggie.
I went to see Four Christmases this weekend and it is funny as hell. And the best part is that you don't see the entire thing when you see the commercials. It surprised me that there's really a lot more to it.
I HAVE to see Australia. I'm going to do that for myself ASAP! Hugh's wet, soapy and incredibly cut chest is just what the doctor ordered!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUPER NINJA SIN!!!!!
*drowning in rum officially*
Happy Birthday, Sin!
Hellion, I loved Dr. Zhivago and GWTW and Out of Africa, but generally I prefer the period pieces to the epics. Amazing Grace and A Room with a View are two of my all-time favorite films. I also loved Miss Potter and Finding Neverland.
I'll probably see Australia on video. I go to the movies rarely, but I always see the Harry Potter movies the day they open.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Renee
Any of you on facebook? Or is that like not a pirate thing to do?
Oh, I LOVE Out of Africa. I watch it every time it's on. I should probably ask for that for Christmas. *makes note* Anything remotely described as a period piece and I'm there. I need to add Amazing Grace to my wish list as well. *makes another note*
Keep this up. I had nothing on my list but gift cards until just now. LOL!
I watch Breakfast at Tiffanies for the first time all the way through this weekend. I wanted to smack her. And I've never seen Dr. Zhivago. Probably won't either. But I love Casablanca. And African Queen is really good too.
I love, love, absolutely love Gone With the Wind. Nothing can compare to that movie...ever. It's such a grand epic, and Scarlett O'Hara is my favorite character of all times. I remember when I first read the book and then when I first saw the movie on VHS rented from the supermarket when they still did that...I totally fell in love.
I read that Baz Luhrman, the director of Australia, had a bunch of different endings and that the first ending had to be scrapped because tester audiences thought it was too sad, so the movie bigwigs pressured him into not letting Hugh Jackman dying at the end.
Oh...another great movie is An Affair to Remember. That whole revelation scene when he realizes why she couldn't come to the top of the Empire State building is heartbreaking.
WHAT? He wanted to kill off Hugh? Oh, I'm so glad they changed that ending. *LOL*
I have never seen An Affair to Remember. I should probably watch it, at least once.
Renee: We're on face book, but the challenge is finding us. *LOL* Terri's on there too and that's her actual name.
Strangely my given name is not actually Hellion. It should be, but it's not.
Anyway, if you can find her and hook up, you'll find the rest of us. *LOL*
Janga, you loved Dr. Zhivago? Really?
I haven't seen Out of Africa, except in pieces, but I imagine that one is really good. I should watch that one.
I do like The Way We Were...I'm not sure that's epic, but it doesn't end right, so it should be. *LOL*
Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. This is the part where I'm trying to smile, but it looks more like a grimace.
Renee, I'm on facebook. I'll email you my link and we'll friend up.
Oh, I forgot to write in my last post: Happy Birthday, Sin!
Ely, thanks babe.
Ah, gee! A birthday! I love birthdays...cake, ice cream, presents, screaming clowns... No, wait, that's anothe movie...
Brand new year stuff, Sin! Go out and seize the day! Well, you're a pirate, seize the week! The month! Take all ya can, give nothin' back!
Have a glittery hooha (extends the large hurricane glass to Sin...but her hand keeps drifting...)
Thanks, Sin, for having compassion on me. ;)
Hellie, do you know how many Terris there are? *rolls eyes*
Renee
Yes, but now you can find the right ones through me.
Pirate.
Chance: I need more to drink. Drown me in a bucketful of glittery hoohas. *g*
"Drown me in a bucket of glittery hoohas." Why do I know Matty would be so proud and snickering right now with that comment?
I friended you, Renee, there are no worries.
After all, I still have five sitting there waiting for me to friend them, but they were all people I didn't like from High School...so they'll just sit there. *LOL*
But you, I like!
What a vision I have... *g*
One day...someday...when we meet in person...shomeone show me how to nabigate...uh...navigate through MySpace...?
I be a bit of a technalogicallee challengeded *burp* p'rite.
(I gotta cut back on the glitter for those hoohas...)
Blasphemy! *swaying* How dare you say cut back on the glitter for the hoohas! *hiccup* I happen to like lots of glitter. *pass out*
Can I change my name on Facebook? These blasts from the past are kinda getting on my nerves. *LOL*
I'm so excited the glittery hoohas have once again blossomed! LOL! And I friended you on Facebook, Renee. That was fast! Perhaps the Captain should have given you my last name. LOL! That would probably have helped.
Just to let you know, I have a MySpace and a Facebook page, but I ignore them completely. So you won't be getting any fruit trees or likeness quizzes or any of that crap from me. And I don't write on walls. Just so ya know...
*passes 2nd a cup of coffee*
Hellion- tis why I didn't put my real last name on my profile. I mean, if you look up my name you get me, but then you look at profile and you're like hmmmm, I dunno and they leave me alone.
No one from HS has approached me on any online site. Wait, some people have signed my Classmates book or something but I refuse to pay to find out who. Other than that, I'm incognito. I guess it helps that no one knows my married name. LOL!
Damnit, I knew I should have gotten married!
Something good had to come out of all that suffering...
Sorry so late! Work day... can't surf the net while I'm there!
Yeah, I'd love to ditch... er... leave the kids in very capable hands... and go see Australia. I'll call my sister. She'll always go to the movies. It's the getting free and all that's always such a challenge. And nowadays it's staying awake for 2 straight hours (especially if it's late at night!).
Happy Birthday, Sin! Did you get whatever you wanted for dinner last night? That was a tradition in my family. You got to choose the dinner the night of your birthday. It had to be something my mom could cook, though. And no take-out (which is pretty much what we do with our kids). My parents couldn't afford take-out for all 9 of us! Once the older ones moved out and we knew they wouldn't be stopping by to mooch my dad would take me out for ribs! Yum!!!!
See...if'n I get on Facebook or MySpace.. I married me high school sweetheart. So those blasts from the past would still find me!
Birthday dinner. How cool! We got to pick our birthday cake. Mine was a chocolate pudding pie...
I turn 49 on Sunday...goin' ta the aquarium fer the day. And wonder Cannery Row...wander? Yeah, wander Cannery Row afterward.
Hey, Sin! Yer a Sagittarius! Go archers! We rock!
Coffee helped, have another GH!
*LOL* That's awesome about your Dad taking you out for ribs when the older ones wouldn't mooch! Pays to be the youngest, dangit!
Believe me, you'll stay awake through this!
P.S. 2nd Chance, I totally can't figure out MySpace. I know I have a page there, but I'm an utter moron about it...so I just pretend it doesn't exist.
2nd Chance, awww, you married your blast from the past? That's sweet! I wouldn't have married any of my high school guys now if you paid me. Though there were a couple I would have liked to at the time. Now I know better. *LOL*
Saggies do rock. Some of my bestest and greatest friends are Saggies. Smart, goofy, loyal...and so much damn fun.
My mother didn't like to cook...or at least I odn't think she did because she made godawful stuff until we volunteered to take over the task. (Never say she wasn't highly intelligent.) So we didn't have "favorite birthday meals." She'd make cakes though...not the layered kind, fancy, but good out-of-a-box and frosted sheet cake. Good stuff. If I was real lucky, there were candles too. (Usually not because why waste money on wax?)
Happy Birthday, SIN!
And Hellion, I kid you not. My dog has been hacking and coughing and snotting all over the place since yesterday! His hacking kept me up all freaking night! Never heard of a dog getting a cold... go figure when I just got over bronchitis and my wee gal is all sick and son just getting better... it never ends... If that Cat gets sick... I'm moving out!
Tiff - sorry about the pup being sick. I had a Persian cat who used to snorfle up more stuff than I thought possible for his little head to hold! Sounds to me like the dog might have a sticker up his nose...sorry. Big vet bill...sigh.
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