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REPLAY: Mary Poppins in the House
Clearly something is amiss. I think Sin might be locked in the closet again, but I'm sure we'll hear more about it later. In the meantime, since nobody wants to do math two days in a row, I thought I'd throw up a musical. (That's what they do on cable channels, right, when the normal programming isn't available?) So I bring you the interview with Mary Poppins.
Please give a warm welcome to Mary Poppins! *background soundtrack music of Chim-chim-chir-ree; then a silhouette of famous Poppins profile with infamous hat and flower*
MP: *crisp British accent (CBA)* Hello, Ms. Hellion. Thank you for inviting me here today. I must say I was rather surprised you thought I had anything new and exciting to share about writing but I’ve been thinking on it quite meticulously and I think you will be pleased….
Hellion: Actually, I took the liberty of parodying some songs from your movie….
MP: *scoffing in her CBA* My movie? Don’t be absurd! As if I would ever consent to having my life filmed—and I don’t go around bursting into song.
Hellion: Yes, you don’t make out with chimney sweeps either, but I’ve got your number. I saw how you looked at Bert. I know you wanted to make hot, wild monkey love and have his little sweeps. *hands offended MP a sheaf of lyrics* Please pardon the scratch outs. I didn’t have a lot of time to write these….
*song cues up for “A Spoonful of Sugar”*
MP: *glares at Hellion before looking at the lyrics finally, then cocks an eyebrow at Hellion* Is this necessary? *Hellion nods, Mary sighs* Oh, well, if we must, we must. *shakes lyrics and begins speaking crisply*
For every story that you write
There is a critic who’ll say it’s trite
You find that critic *MP snaps her fingers, glares at Hellion*
And never read his crap ever again. *gasping, then gives Hellion a look* HONESTLY!
*singing* And every tale you do construct,
Expect to be rolled in the muck,
The garbage. The $1.99 bin at Wally World. TIME.
But a fifth of spiced rum makes the Bad Review go down,
The bad review go down, bad review go down…
*Captain Jack Sparrow and his many hallucinations of himself burst onto the set behind, linking arms, slinging rum, and kicking their legs high in drunken frivolity; they join in for the last part of singing*
Just a fifth of spiced rum makes the Bad Review go down,
In an almost painless way….
MP: *tossing aside the top sheet of the lyrics as the second song cues up* Ms. Hellion, I don’t think…. *music cues and she rolls her eyes, but sings*
Fin-finishy, fin-finishy, fin-fin your book
It won’t write itself, you big shirker forsook!
And as we can tell by the last lamentable rhyme,
Hellion wrote this blog in a very crunched time!
Hellion wrote this blog in a very crunched time.
MP: Honestly Ms. Hellion, you must be kidding with these lyrics…they’re positively the most… *music cued back for second verse*
Fin-finishy, fin-finishy, fin-fin your tale—
Because your writing friends won’t care when you weep and wail.
For we all know what a sad procrastinator you are—
If you were a lawyer, you’d be given the most highest bar.
Hellion didn’t even research to see if lawyers get bars!
Hellion: *clapping* That was wonderful, Miss Poppins. Now just one more song…
MP: I think we’ve had just about enough. *music cues and she gasps* You’re mad!
Hellion: They tell me that quite a lot. If I weren't, a lot of this probably would never work.
MP: *frowning* Because I was afraid to write when I was just a lad
My father read all my works and told me I was bad,
But then one day I learned a truth to save my achy, breaky heart!
The biggest truth you ever heard and this is how it starts….
It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare; they’ll probably publish you anyway….
MP: *throwing down the last page* This is quite enough. *waves for the music to stop* Beyond ridiculous! Total codswollop! How am I supposed to sing that last line? It doesn’t even make any sense.
Hellion: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious doesn’t make any sense either, but I’m pretty sure it won song of the year.
MP: I assure you you will not be awarded the same courtesy.
Hellion: *shrugging, unconcerned, smiles at the camera* And now, pirates and landlubbers, what have we learned from the talented, charming, and ever so proficient Miss Poppins…
MP: *blushing* Well, I…I suppose I am…
Hellion: *counting off on her fingers* Number one, don’t take critics to heart. It’s their job to find fault in anything–and frankly, they’re usually bitter, wrong individuals–I mean, look what they said about POTC3. Totally brilliant bit of filming…
Terrio: I still haven't seen it.
Sin**: Don't worry. Neither have I.
Hellion: *ignoring them both* Number two, you can’t offend critics if you don’t finish your book and send it out…and frankly, you’re taking food out of critic’s children’s mouths, if you do that. Do you want to be responsible for all the starving children? No. Finish your book. Get it published. Offend at will.
*grumbling crewmembers in the background at the thought that their bits of brilliance would offend anybody; Hellion gracefully dodges an empty rum bottle*
Hellion: *smiling serenely like that dude off Actor’s Studio* And finally, don’t be such a perfectionist in trying to please everyone, including your parents, that you never finish your manuscript. This isn’t Shakespeare…though I’m pretty sure Shakespeare was the Nora Roberts of his time. Now, let’s thank Mary Poppins once again for sharing her wisdom and insight. *applauds wildly with other crewmembers*
MP: I really couldn’t have said it better myself. I must go now. Cheers.
How's your writing (or reading) been going lately? Anything you want to share?
**the part of Sin is being played by Angelina Jolie as Hellion doesn't really know where Sin is or what she is up to at this time. Secret Ninja stuff, you know.
Books by the Crew
27 comments:
*laughs hysterically* Yo, Mary! You really should get "Fin-finshy" produced. It could be our theme song. :)
Hellion, I'm in stitches as waves rush against the surf and dophins playfully crest the open water. Indeed, I've got my eyes on the horizon wishin to catch Capn Jack's mainsail. Yo ho, me hearties! This be a beauty of a day... But why is the rum always gone? Because Hellion apparently drank it before this interview with Mary. :)
Forgot to mention I'm at the beach. :)
You're at the BEACH? I wish my job let me go to the beach. *LOL* Okay, I wish my job let me drink rum at my desk. (Can you imagine the phone convos then?)
I have finally remembered WHERE Sin is. She's on VACATION. (Okay, that's where she says she is when she's secret spy traveling. I'm never quite for sure. She could be in Sonoma, soaking hot sun into her bones; or she could be in Russia, wearing furs--hell, she could be doing both. I wouldn't put it past her to clone herself.
Anyway, when we set Sin off at the last port and said we'd collect her again in a week, I'd forgotten we were covering her shift this week. Mainly because she left two really hot guys to cover the rest of her duties on this ship...and I've been distracted by the Cuban looking fellow. He doesn't talk much, but he doesn't have to.
Oh, and Kathy, I wanna be at the beach.
It's only an hour drive, but for some reason I haven't made it there yet this year. :(
This is bloody brilliant.
I swear, I'm equally impressed and scared by the workings of your mind some days.
Anyway, all of these points, brought up so eloquently by Mary, bear repeating as many times and ways as we can manage.
Though, I do believe fin-finishy will be stuck in my head all day now.
I get that a lot. From people who don't even read my blogs. *LOL* Of course, it usually crops at work evaluations and they're like, "Are you really this paranoid?"
Yep. If you're not going to yell at me, can I go now because I don't want to be in your office if I can help it. (I always feel like I'm in my principal's office when I have to talk to my supervisor!)
Dude, Marnee, pack the wee-one up and go to the beach already. Get some vitamin D. Breath some salty sea air. It might make the writing go along a little faster. (Take your notebook, not that you'll write in it, because you'll need your eyes to make sure the wee-one hasn't bolted off. Maybe you can take a tape-recorder. Has anyone tried that as a writing device? Any suggestions?)
H- Your brilliance never ceases to amaze me. I love MP, and especially this MP:)
I agree with Kathy, this needs to be our theme song.
How's my writing going? I'm supposed to be writing? Oh yeah, I am...
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS!!! LOL! I could hear Mary's voice as clear as can be in me head. And for the record, I saw POTC3 the day it hit theaters. *sticks out tongue at the Captain*
I've been reading much more lately, writing on everything BUT the WIP (but that will change very, very soon) and like Marn, haven't gotten to the beach yet. And it's less than 30 mins from me! I need to do that.
Haven't tried the tape recorder but seriously looking into it. Now I'm off to do some real work (Hottie auditions you know) and I'll be singing these songs all day.
*singing under her breat*
fin-finishy, fin-finishy, fin-fin-ishey....
PS: We need to burst into song more often around here. Can you imagine the musical numbers on the upper deck?! LOL!
I'm sorry, guys, as catchy and memorable as Fin-Finishy is (believe me, it was stuck in my head for months when I first wrote this), it took me way too long to write the Writer's Life for Me song. I can't part with it.
Maybe I can stick it below it or...put up a page of shanty tunes for you to turn to.
Would you guys want to be in a musical? I can probably dust off one more Rodgers and Hammerstein. (Maybe I should see more musicals?)
Oh Oh! *jumps up and down* I did one musical in HS and I was hooked. Unfortunately, I can't sing worth a flip but this is all pretend anyway so count me in!! LOL!
How about a pirate version of West Side Story. Only it's writers against editors. The Pens and the Rejectors.
*LOL* The Pens and the Rejectors...that's a good one. (I've only watched that movie once...and I think I fast forwarded about 15 minutes of it. We know my tolerance for Romeo & Juliet.)
Still...I kinda heard:
I feel published, oh, so published,
Published, not rubbish...and thrilled
Oh! I love musicals!! What about Pirates of Pinzance meets POTC meets Cutthroat Island? :)
The beach has been a blast, wenches. I've been here since Sunday. But crustacean! My upper back got burned yesterday and I feel like I've been flogged.
Wish I'd brought me tiny recording device. I left it inland. Ah! No worries. I've figured out how to pass me time. Been reading a pirate book to get me through. A great book by Joanna Lyndsay, CAPTIVE Of MY DESIRES. :)
I do believe we have our next show. LOL!
Oh, and a page just for your Sea Shanties would be great to have.
Hellion, Your parodies are always wonderful. I start smiling as soon as I realize you are giving us another. I am with the fin-finishy fans. Love it!
I thought you were going to try Brigadoon one of these days. I can just imagine it:
What a crit this has been! What a pro mood I'm in!
Why it's almost like being in print.
*clapping wildly* OH, that's wonderful! Great job! Actually I love Brigadoon...I know those songs. (Go home, go home, I'll go home with bonnie Jean *Scottish jigs with hands in the air*)
Your co-workers must get such a kick out of you. LOL!
I finally had to put on my iPod because I was humming showtunes and driving everyone nuts.
I used to do that, back when I'd wear my little scottish skirt. I'd shout, "Riverdance" and I'd start 'riverdancing' though clearly a) I've never riverdanced and b) I clearly have only a passing acquaintance with what it even looks like. It got so popular, coworkers would bring other people by and say, "Hellion, do your riverdance"
I don't do it anymore.
I'm going to have to see that.
It can't be the day after a bodypump class. I can't hardly stretch my arms over my head today.
Lookee-here-Mshellion
As if it wasn’t bad enough that you wrote about Math yesterday… which set off suppressed memories of the days (or is that daze?) when I used to do logarithms and matrices and advanced algebraic calculations… *shudder*… on a slide rule … *double shudder*...
Then today you filled my head with Mary Poppins songs?!
OMG
I HAVE been humming Mary Poppins’ songs in my head all day!
Bad BLOG Hellion.
Brilliant.
But BAD.
Sooooo
My-dear-MsHellion, don’t want to start-a-re-bell-ion
But we really must converse.
First you blog about math, then Mary Poppins?
Honestly I don’t know which one is worse!
Do I want to be responsible for all the starving children?
Well-no-Hellion, gotta-tell-you-MsHellion,
That THAT thought never occurred to me!
Now I’m feeling blue & crappy
Cuz there’s hungry kids living in hor-if-ic poverty.
What-the-hell-Hellion, I-must-tell-you-MsHellion
Your “Offend at will” makes me smile with glee!
I’ve been known to write stuff like that… but
Will a publisher put up with someone who’s a bit cheeky?
Do-tell--Hellion, can-I-sell-it-Hellion?
Should I write a story-ee?
One that would make it to the NYT Best Sellers list so I could bask among good company!
One that would make it to the NYT Best Sellers list so I could get my ARCs for free!
Getting published Sounds good, MsHellion
I only have one
small
problem-ium…
I don’t have-a-W-I-Pppppeeee!
I LOVE LOVE LURVE love when Julie breaks out in song!
The boat is brimming with brilliance today. I have no other words.
Brava, Ms Julie, Brava!
Brava! Brava, Ms. Julie! I *LOVED* it! We should do Broadway Musical Wednesdays more often!!!
And I have no idea if a publisher will put up with a cheeky writer. I sincerely hope so. I don't know how to be any other way.
Yo. Awesome job Hellion.
no, No , NO Marnee Jo! Do not Encourage me to ‘break out into song”! I have a very Bad habit of singing… out loud … really loud… in public places. It’s embarrassing to say the least. Particularly since I tent to :
A.make up my own lyrics or just as bad
B. combine lyrics from several different songs
Case in point, a ‘song” that I was singing the other day … um… at my house... when I thought that I was alone.
“Don’t hold me down, don’t hold me down… “*
“my stomach can not take it” **
“Get ready, get ready, get ready for this … I’m taking out my…**
“Some enchanted evening… you will see a stranger….” ***
“Are you ready, are you ready, are you ready for this… you don’t wanna hear it… just say it, just say it, just say it again…” **
“Don’t hold me down, don’t hold me down… “*
And then… I finished the song with the soaring line…
Oh “Baby… Pleasssssse go all the way… it feels so right” ****
Yes. I was singing in my house … with the windows wide opens … so that my DD & her friends… and probably the neighbors too… could hear me. And yes Marnee, I was embarrassed.
* JOSH ALTMAN’s Fall Back 2 You ** Silverstein ‘s If you Could See Into My Soul
***Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Some Enchanted Evening
**** The Raspberries ‘ Go All the Way
Geez, I'm missing all the fun over here. This is what I get for not logging back in here after I get home from work.
BRAVA, JULIE!!! BRAVA!!!!
*throws rose petals at Julie's feet*
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