Making Your Own Metaphors
I just finished reading Return of the Stardust Cowgirl by Marsha Moyer, the last of the Lucy Hatch series which I have devoured with all the enthusiasm of a Weight Watchers flunkie left alone in a room with a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, inhaling and savoring with hedonistic glee. In the first paragraph, Ms. Moyer offers this bit of deliciousness: “I thought Will Culpepper hung the moon, with his skinny gangster hips and his half-cocked smile, the strand of black hair like a comma separating the clauses of his steel-blue eyes.” I must have read that sentence a dozen times, marveling at the sheer perfection of it, wondering how in the world she was going to top herself in the next 350 pages. Her books have all the catchiness yet lyrical resonance of a Hank Williams’ song.
Undoubtedly her stories are character-driven with characters so alive they come off the page; yet her characters are bigger than that. They sit themselves on the couch beside you and start reading the book aloud so you can get the full picture and right inflections. I would love to drive to Mooney and sit with Lucy and Ash, have a couple glasses of lemonade, and listen to Ash sing. They are so real, they are like long-lost family. How? How did she connect with me on such a level? I’ve read a score of brilliant books lately, each one better than the last, but this one has lingered long after the song stopped playing.
I figured it out. It’s the language used in the novels.
Clearly Ms. Moyer and I have access to the same Webster’s Dictionary, and she’s not using any new or unusual words I’ve never heard of. But she is using them better.
Like those metaphors. That line about his stand of black hair being a comma--that was merely the first of a thousand she's created and evoked memory within her readers. I would never think to use that, yet that is the most perfect thing I’ve ever read. It paints an exact picture; and though I’ve never been to Texas, and Mooney doesn’t even exist, I know I could find it if I were driving through East Texas. Her lyrical language envelops me in what I feel is the culture; I can imagine a small town where the language was simple but poetic. I would love to do that in my books, but I’m not particularly original in my phrasing of things. I’m a complete idiom girl.
In fact, out of curiosity, I printed a bunch of idioms and was shocked (and rather appalled really) at how many I used that didn’t even register to me as idioms. I'm surprised I'm able to have a normal conversation with someone outside of Missouri. You know how some people can’t speak if they don’t get use their hands? Okay, so I have that issue too; but if I were banned from using idioms, I’d be mute. Mute. I’m not kidding.
A few of my favorites are: “nature abhors a vacuum”; “beating a dead horse”; “grinning like a coon eating briars”; “shit-eating grin” (I mean, just exactly what does that mean? I know how I use it, but if I was being literal—if I were eating shit, I wouldn’t be grinning); “chaps my ass”; “death warmed over”; “give someone enough rope”; “everybody and their cousin” or “everybody and their dog” (hey, we’re Southern); “hell in a handbasket”; “ninth circle of hell”—actually I say, “tenth circle of hell” to indicate this is even worse than Dante’s Worst. And on and on. Honestly, it would be less blog-consuming to give you the idioms I don’t use.
Idioms are “colloquial metaphors”, which Wikipedia (oh, come on, I’m not the only guilty person, pulling her facts off here) says, basically reveal more about the culture of those using them than the person in general. Which is true. The small town I hail from would know all those expressions above and could one-up me in several instances. We lived to drive Ms. Yount barking mad using them (not my town idiom; I’ve picked up some lovely British ones since the Harry Potter phenomenon. Thank you, J.K. Rowling.)
Speaking of Ms. Rowling, she too has a gift for creating unique metaphors, as well as cautiously incorporating idioms into her characters’ dialogue. It gave a distinct feeling of immersion into the story, without having to use pages of description or setting. Just a few clever and thoughtful metaphors encapsulated the scene completely, and you simply couldn’t imagine a world without Harry Potter in it. Ms. Moyer does for East Texas as Ms. Rowling does for a magical castle in Scotland.
Therefore, I'm going to figure out a way to do something similar in my books, with my own metaphors, and undoubtedly abusing idioms at will. I think all I need is one good metaphor to get me started.
Anyone else metaphor-mad like me? Can you think of a sentence or passage from a book that stayed with you long after you put the book back on the shelf? What was it? (I’m out of Lucy Hatch & Harry Potter books; I can use new ones.)
Books by the Crew
33 comments:
My uncle says, "Crazier than a sprayed cockroach,"quite a bit.lol. Nearly every page in Lisa Kleypas's Sugar Daddy resonated with me, and I also recall in her Devil in Winter there was this part where Evie's father was breathing raggedly and it said something like, "Evie wished she could breathe for him." Wow! That was something else.
Great blog! I can't wait to see what other people have to say.
Okay, I have to ask. Is that not a simile in the first sentence? Or you could read it as both, right?
I like metaphors and idioms (you could call them clichés too--I think) they are great and can be a lot of fun. But they easily become overused... and Simile's are WAY OVERUSED in romance. JMO. It shows lazy writing and sometimes drags the writing down if the author can do nothing but use similes to expand on description--I've read books where there are three on a page. It's kinda like the whole telling vs. showing.
You're as nervous as a long-tailed cat in room full of rocking chairs.
Just 'cause a cat has her kittens in the oven don't make 'em biscuits.
And that's the end of my cat colloquialisms.
I'm pretty careful when I write, but every now and again something brilliantly descriptive does slip out:If her chest were the heavens, infinite constellations of stars were twinkling brightly. (I love my new freckled heroine)
Not Kathy, I meant Kelly. Sorry Kel.
As nervous as a whore in church.
And I always say, I'm off like a prom dress.
I love metaphors that are fresh. Like your Weight Watcher's Flunkie metaphor. It feels new and I know exactly what you're talking about.
Great blog captain!
Kathy - I love the sprayed cockroach one. I had cockroaches in my first apartment and those things are crazy.
I use them so often I don't even notice when I do.
I've always heard, "Hotter than a witch's tit in July." My mother always uses that. Or I dunno if this one will fall under it, "Hellfire and Begonia water." Or "Loonier than a grain bin."
Or I have more. I just haven't woke up yet. LOL
Great blog!
Marn- LOL. I've always heard the "More nervous than a whore in church on Sunday." But "Off like a prom dress"? LMFAO
I use "Whatever floats your boat" or more useable, "Whatever rips your pants off" "Blows your skirt up"
Oh and "Flirting like the devil at a square dance". I mean, WTH. Why would the devil be at a square dance?
To Do-si-do. Duh.
Sweating like a whore's ass on nickel night.
Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.
Since I've lived in so many regions, I'm not sure where these things have come from. I love the "Off like a prom dress." That's a clear picture. LOL! And I've said the "Whatever blows your skirt up" but I kind of like "Whatever pops your cherry."
I'd have to look at my stuff to see what I have in there. I'm sure I have it, but it's so automatic I don't know I'm doing it.
And that book sounds great. I love writing like that.
I have to get my hands on the rest of the Lucy Hatch books. Were there 4? I think I read the first 2. She is a great writer. I've been reading a lot of Deborah Smith lately and she has a way with words also.
I'm not an English major or even a great English student for that matter and when you start throwing words like idioms and metaphors around I get itchy. But I do know cliches. My mom is the queen of them. She calls them pithy sayings. It is awe-inspiring when you read really good ones. Ones that use ordinary everyday words but they are just strung together in a way you would have never thought of yourself.
If I can remember any good ones from my mom I'll come back and post. (My very irreverent brother has come up with tons that slam the church and usually only uses them to irritate my mom - happy as a priest at an altar boy convention)
I use the "whatever blows your skirt up" a lot, Ter. I think I'm that - I use a lot of them but I do it so often that I can't think of any!
Don't worry, Irish. I get itchy too. Sin and I got into a discussion about the use of a comma in my chapter, and I got all huffy, saying, "Clearly I need to do something about it if you're more concerned with my punctuation than the story itself!" I'm a comma whore. It's a problem.
I think idioms are cliches--but cliches are supposed to be "broader". Like a cliche is an overused idea, phrase, or expression. (Wikipedia again: "Cliché" applies also to almost any situation, plot device, subject, characterization, figure of speech, or object—in short, any sign—that has become overly familiar or commonplace.)
Idioms are just phrases, colloquial phrases. They paint a picture all right, and usually of the person using them. *LOL*
Irish - that priest one is baaaaad! LOL! Since I grew up constantly being reminded NOT to take the Lord's name in vane, I've learned to find ways around it.
Jeeminy-Christmas.
Great googily-moogily.
Criminitaly.
Holy Toledo. (No idea what is so holy about Toledo)
Heavens to Betsy. (Again, have no idea who Betsy is)
My first student worker, Mel, used to say, "Off like a prom dress." Lord, that girl was a hand full. So now I have to use it all the time.
Ah, I forgot about a cow pissing on a flat rock. That was certainly brings the imagery! Good one, Ter!
Sin, I'm not sure what the devil would be doing at a square dance, but my guess if he flirts, he might find someone to leave with him and then he doesn't have to spend any more time at it. I have a feeling the devil is the sort of guy who couldn't possibly be alone.
Maggie, the kittens in the oven don't make them biscuits cracks me up! That is definitely something my family would use. If they could remember the whole saying correctly. Dad's one of those people who mispronounces people's names even though you coach him like 20 times. "Misty" is always "Mitzy" or vise versa. He's more apt to managle the idiom by combining two very different ones and lumping them together incomprehensibly.
Crazier than a sprayed cockroach. That is so apt. I've seen plenty of sprayed cockroaches...and they never die. The only way Raid ever kills those damned things is by drowning it. You're far more apt to die of Raid poisoning than the bug itself. Argh.
I agree. Lisa Kleypas used a LOT of wonderful metaphors and lyrical language in Sugar Daddy. I can't wait to read Blue-Eyed Devil.
*LOL* I have to agree. The alter boy one is bad. Though if you remember any others like it, do tell. I'm always up for putting my immortal soul in danger.
Hmmm. I tried to use the alternatives to "name in vain" but my mother would get so pissed when I used those. "I know what you're THINKING when you're saying that, and it's a SIN." Seriously, if I'm going to burn in hell for everything I've ever thought, I'm going to be frying right next to Lucifer himself. I think my main saying was "Goodness sakes." I was quite the little blasphemer when I was a child.
Don't forget...
For the love of Pete! and Gosh Darn it.
How about "That just chaps my ass." Is that one a northern or southern thing?
And what in the world does "F*&k an A" mean?
"Crazy as a shit house rat." technically means crazy as hell:)
I love this blog! I love metaphors, and you've added another author to my TBR pile. Crap! I almost got through the majority of new reads...
You are so right, metphors used correctly are simply brilliant. Sometimes dialogue or description can impress me far more than characterizations. They definately are a page turner for me. It's as if you can't wait to read the next brilliant phrase or descriptive term the author uses.
I wish I had more time today to recall a few of my fav lines from past reads, but alas duty calls. Brilliant blog H!
It's ok Marnee! I knew what you meant.lol.
I would say Chaps my ass is a southern thing. Or is that "butter my bottom and call me a biscuit"--that's the southern one? Chaps my ass is clearly a draw.
Lisa, Irish--you guys definitely need to get your hands on these books. They're awesome.
Tiff, I forgot to address: I'll try to keep my similies to a minimum, but that's just how I write. I'm lazy, I admit it. I do try to make up for it with snappy dialogue though. Thanks though for pointing out that I was using similies--and that it's a hallmark of a lazy writer though. Nothing like being called to task by the teacher...
I wasn't calling you lazy. I have read two books this month (one NYT bestseller), that constantly used similes. Like, take a 350 page book... there were probably 900-1100 similes... I call that lazy, and a way to use up word count in an unnecessary way. If you have 900 similes--which from reading stuff in the past of yours I don't recall--than I'll call you lazy. But I don't think you suffer from simile overuse.
Hellion, I think we should send Teresa Medeiros flowers for introducing us to Marsha Moyers's books.
I love the Lucy Hatch books, and I am sure that I will love whatever Moyers writes next because I love her voice. Even in interviews, her voice has a distinctive sound that includes honesty, humor, intelligence, and something uniquely hers. One example that I copied into my notebook: "If a story is well-crafted and if it comes from the right place, whether it’s your heart or your groin or the mole on your left shoulder, it will probably resonate with some publisher, somewhere."
As for those Southern metaphors ("Metaphor" can be used as a larger term, Tiff, that includes simile and synechdoche), I think they are wonderful. Some of my favorites include "busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time,"hot as two goats in a pepper patch," and "like white on rice." Two expressions that I put in the mouth of one of my characters are "He's so full of himself that he thinks the sun comes up to hear him crow." and my favorite curse on an enemy--"May you slide down a razor blade into a vat of alcohol."
*grins wickedly at Tiff* I'm just giving you crap. *LOL* Same way that you said you hated chick lit, and that's what I write. *LOL*
Well you don't write 'light' chicklit. That's the stuff that drives me apeshit. Just because you write first person doesn't mean you are chicklit. I wouldn't call it chicklit. :)
*LOL* I love "white on rice"--I use that one too. "I'd be on him like white on rice" which has morphed into "I'd so like to spider-monkey his ass." Which I mean far more romantically than it sounds.
You just enjoy riling me up and dumping me into a pit of gators... you cruel woman you... :)
*laughs cruelly* Well, yes, Tiff, of course...actually I'd just dump you in the middle of a battlefield historical site during the hottest days of summer and make you walk the 10 miles back to the car...that's far more fun.
Janga, I totally agree. We need to send Teresa flowers. She got me started but you kept fueling the fire with "Hey, did you know there was another one?" and on and on. I'm going to miss that series. But I'm with you. I'd read anything she wrote at this point. The phone book would be endlessly fascinating with her twist on it.
I forgot about "White on rice." That's a good one. And I have said, "I'd like to sop that boy up with a biscuit" which I clearly picked up in the south. LOL!
What is the one that goes something like, "Well I'll be dipped in sh*t"? And I think something about "sh*t on a log". Maybe as fast as....?
*waves*
Just stopping by real quick to say hi.
Love the new ship.
Renee
Hi Renee! Thanks for the flyby. I hope you're doing okay--and come back soon. :)
Hellion, I was thinking about your blog all day.
I think I will be checking out Marsha Moyer. I love what different authors can do with language but I'm like Irish in that I shudder to try and analyze why I liked it at the metaphor level. I like to say I liked it or I didn't like it. My husband who minored in English gets exasperated with me when I try to disparage my literary knowledge--never felt like English was my strong suit.
I loved Eloisa's love scene with Josie and Mayne where she used the phrase "like a forgiving wind...". Sorry I can't remember the rest.
How about the medical--"He was on me like a rash".
Great blog! Sorry I'm chiming in so late. Y'all will probably never see this but I'll give it a go.
I'm as full as a tick.
Hotter than a hornet.
Heavens to Betsy.
The (bleep's) going to hit the fan.
E-gads!
'It's goin' to come a flood' or 'It's raining cats and dogs' or 'It come a gully washer'.
Oh, I'd love to be stranded on an historical battlefield. Problem is, I'd never want to leave! That is, until I got hungry and couldn't hunt my own game. I love historical battlefields, Hellion.
Kathy, I love historical battlefields. I'm just making fun of Tiff because we vacationed together (with Terri) and saw Yorktown, Williamsburg, et al. While looking at the Yorktown battlefield, Tiff, nearly swooning from the humidity, gave a grumpy look and said, "It looks like a field." Which, yes, it *does*.
I'm really geeky and enjoy historical re-enactments. Not too big on Civil War ones, but they are fascinating; I'd love to see a Revolutionary War re-enactment.
Amanda, definitely go check out Marsha Moyer! I don't know if I could exactly pinpoint what it is about a particular sentence that makes me like it so much. As I said: she and I are using the same dictionary of words; she's just using them better. I suppose the key is that what you write is supposed to clarify, explain, create the character on the page--and if what you use does these things so well that a reader feels this person is surely someone who exists in the world because they've felt the exact same way the character's feeling, they've just have never been able to describe it so effectively...that's brilliant writing.
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