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Whispers in the Dark
Blissful silence. The sheets felt like heaven, the bed was softer than air. I breathed in as my head hits the pillow. I pulled the covers up to my chin, breathing in the faint scent of baby powder and vanilla birthday cake as I try to relax. Midnight came too fast and even as my fingers had flown over the keyboard, I found it wasn’t fast enough. It was never fast enough. No matter what I did; no matter how fast I type, it was never enough for them.
I took a couple of deep breaths and sunk deeper into my sleep pattern. Relax, I told myself. Just relax. There will be time tomorrow.
There won’t be time tomorrow but I frequently like to lie to myself just so I can sleep.
I closed my eyes to Conan hopping up on his desk and waving his arms in the air like a loon and finally find myself in dreamland.
“Wake up!” I heard. “I said, ‘wake up!’ I swear! You are the laziest of writers. How did I get saddled with you again? I could’ve been a Nora Roberts story if I just would’ve waited in queue for two more seconds.”
I take a deep breath, a sigh really, and roll over. “Go away,” I thought to myself. “It’s still dark out.”
“Hey.” The voice was velvet, wrapping around me like a decadent bathtub filled with dark chocolate. “Wake up honey.”
Still I refused to let him get my attention. “I’m trying to dream about you and you’re trying to wake me up. I don’t get it,” I thought. I peeped a blue eye open and glanced at the clock. “You realize there is only one reason I like to be woke up at 3 am and that’s not to have conversation.”
I heard a very unladylike snort and he chuckled. “I knew there was a reason why I loved you.”
“I knew it!” I heard in the background. “I don’t know why I put up with you!”
“Hey, c’mon,” he said. They were both stomping around in my brain and it took everything I had not to want to lean my head over the side of the bed and head bang to imaginary music. “I know how you feel about that sort of thing.”
She huffed. “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t try.”
“Just like a woman.”
Then there was silence. Oh, blissful silence. Dreamland here I come—
Suddenly my silence was interrupted with a steam of curse words so foul that even I reserve them only for desperate times. Road rage, excluded.
“Jeez, I’m up. I’m up.” I roll out of bed and snatch up my notebook. I stumbled into the wall, bouncing back and tripping over the bed. I get up. Listen for the tell tale sign of snoring and make my way back over to the door. I run into the door jam, stubbed my pinky toe, managed to close the door without waking up the rest of the neighborhood and shuffled into the cold bathroom smelling of peppermint toothpaste and expensive almond soap. I shut the door with barely a creak, and with a yawn, scribbled little circles on the paper to get the ink flowing.
“Alright, I’m here.”
Silence.
“Hey. You got my ass outta bed, start talking.”
“She stomped out on me.” His usual smooth talker ways put on a hold and it made my heart clinch. I hated doing this to him.
I leaned my head against the wall. “You expected something different from her? You know better than that by now. She hates admitting emotion. To admit that she has feelings for you is a trust issue and you know all about her trust issues. She can’t trust herself. She can’t trust you.”
“I wish you get inspired to give me a little love. This arguing shit is getting on my nerve.”
I sighed. “I’m working on it. I’m a little uninspired myself.”
“You got new music.”
“I know. It helped a little.”
There was silence again and I knew he was thinking. My hero was no dull knife- he was the sharpest in the drawer. Sometimes that was bad for me. “It’s because of him. You got her all twisted over him.”
“No. Correction. She’s all twisted over the both of you. You know what she’s got with Ash is just work.” Right now, I added.
“I heard that. You need to stop listening to that song over and over again and listen to something more cheerful, like Closer or something.”
“Closer? I’m not having this conversation with you at 3am. Go to bed. I’ll figure this out in the morning.”
“You better,” he said, and there was no question that he meant it. I enjoyed messing with him. More than Sadie. “Or I’ll have to take drastic measures.”
“You warning me ahead of time?” I almost laughed but then I realized I was having a conversation with myself and refrained. “That’s a first.”
I jotted a few notes down, stumbled back into bed. I dreamed of mid-summer with the sounds of hay balers and cattle, the rustling of leaves-- dry from summer drought— in the big hickory trees. The sounds of laughter, little kids having fun. The taste of fresh lemonade after running outside in the hot sun. A younger Sadie with her long blonde hair floating behind her as she runs to the wood’s edge in search of her best friend. The feeling of being free, of climbing that hickory tree almost to the top and never being afraid that you might fall. And then I realize I know what I need to do.
The alarm goes off quietly, Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, and it reminds me I have another duty to do first. But I feel inspired like I haven’t been inspired in weeks.
So what inspires you to write? Especially when nothing is going right and you’re to the point of throwing up your hands and giving in. Do you get new music? Do you go out for a run? Do you go drop $400 shopping? Take a vacation? Here a conversation and that spurs up something you hadn’t thought of? What keeps you from going forward when you are stuck? Lay it on me.
Books by the Crew
28 comments:
Sin, I know your writing style so well now. You're blogs are like reading a story.
What inspire me? Not a clue. When I can't write I net surf, and bug my crit partners and buy more music for my itunes. If I can't go forward, I take a break and edit or work on something else. Seems to be working thus far.
Writing for me comes in waves (sometimes crashing down on me so I can't swim fast enough). When the waters are calm, I edit a little and read and float.
Great Blog hon! :) Like Tiff, I can spot your style. And that is definitely a good thing.
I think my inspiration comes like Maggie's a little. In waves and whatnot. Though, her water metaphor shows a lot more self-esteem in her process than I have. I think mine is more like high school love. You know, when it's on, I think it's the greatest thing in the whole world, that it's never going to end, that it's going to last forever. Then, when it leaves suddenly, I'm sent reeling. I cry and bang my head, vent to my writing girlfriends about how my muse doesn't love me anymore and feel like I'll never write again like I wrote before.
Then, when I'm struck again by my inspiration, I start the whole process over.
Very angsty and unlike my usual self.
Oh, and I do love your style too. Reading your blogs is always like taking a little journey. Very well done. :)
Like Tiff, I'm not sure what inspires me. It's kind of like everything can inspire me depending on my mood. I don't watch those Lifetime movies but I was channel surfing the other night and stopped on one. I only watched for a few minutes, but after those few scenes I wanted to go write. Very strange.
I've gotten ideas while driving by new construction, hearing a song, talking to a friend or just hanging out inside my head. I'm stuck right now and have no idea how to get unstuck. Actually, the story is constantly going through my head right now, but nothing is getting put down. I think it's stewing.
And I sure hope it's done soon.
Oh, I love this blog. Oddly enough, I don't get jarred awake by the muse at any time of night. After I'm asleep, I'm done. Gone until morning and even then I wouldn't wake up if I wasn't shaken and jabbed by my son. When inspiration comes to me, it's kind of like a flash of images that I have to capture quickly, or they'll flitter away again. If I can snatch them out of the air and bring them fully into my consciousness, then they'll stay and I can work with them in black and white. Building and building, reshaping and molding it into what eventually becomes a pretty cool idea. Thanks Sin. Great blog!
I can sleep through my characters' bitching. They know better than to wake me. They fear the Hellion Wrath.
What helps me write? POTC playing in the background (typically I've seen this so often that I can tune it out, but I enjoy hearing it in the background); occasionally another movie will work if I've seen it enough recently to not want to watch it. Country music (Gary Allan, George Strait or Garth--lord, what is it with me and G's?) sometimes works.
Meeting with my CPs help. If we critique a part of the book I've been struggling with, we brainstorm or they tell me what's working in this scene so I know what to carry on with. Sometimes it's just knowing what part of your story is working so you can continue with that part....
Music,driving, and conversations about my work all help. Inspiration is a tricky thing. Sometimes it comes when I'm simply sitting watching television. And sometimes it actually comes while I'm writing.
Great blog! You have an awesome voice!
This post could not come at a better time. Right now I'm munching on a caramel rice cake, staring at my current WIP, hoping that maybe the rice cake has magical powers of inspiration that will connect to my creativity so that I can go forth and finish writing the scene.
So far. Nothing. But hey, I still have six more rice cakes to go through, so I'm hopeful.
Geisha - magical rice cakes.... An interesting theory and, as I'm getting pretty hungry, one I intend to look into. Though rice cakes might not do it for me. How about magical brownies instead?
Marnee!! I haven't had lunch and the mention of brownies is just cruel. Cruel I tell you!
I should probably go find some lunch...
Geisha - try figuring out how you could use that rice cake as a weapon. Maybe that will get the juices flowing. LOL!
Marnee - Magical anything. At this point I'm beginning to think that my coffee has extra brains filtered into it. I'm also thinking I'll see if KFC has magical powers too.
Terrio - Like rice cake shaped stun gun? Hmmmm....you maybe be onto something there. Fits great in a purse too :)
Stop it you guys. I'm so hungry. Elyssa got me all excited about some mini cupcakes that I never did get my hands on, and now all I can think about is food! :)
Me too! I'm supposed to be waiting for the DH to come home for lunch, but I've been snacking on my kiddo's goldfish. Kid snacks are the devil....
OMG Marnee!! Kid snacks are the devil. I have a soft spot for Yo-Gos and goldfish.And don't get me started on gummy bears
I broke down and ran to Wendy's. My kid likes snacks like fresh fruit and granola bars. She's no fun....*grumbles*
I didn't forget you guys. This place has been a mad house for weeks now. I'm having to give up lunch. No more talk of brownies, goldfish and rice cakes. I'd give my right arm for a brownie right now. But as I've been reminded-- several times this morning- my Starbucks has enough calories in it to last me all day. That's what they think.
Tiff- I recently got iTunes as well. It's addicting, not to mention expensive every time I feel the need for new inspiration. I've learned to curb it by buying the iTunes gift card that limits the amount I can spend at a time. I get prompted from them if I go over my gift card limit. It keeps me from spending $50 at a time. I'm a new music whore.
Maggie- I have that writing wave. I like to call it my two-year-old tantrum stage. I have a writing fit where I write like the wind, and then I calm down to nothing. Like the emotional rollercoaster of teenager years. I need to learn to float and chill out about not writing. I get anxious and that only further flusters me. You remind me of a writing zen master. LOL
Marns- I love all these metaphors for writing phases. Hellion, you inspired everyone yesterday. I spend more time banging my head against the laptop keyboard than I do writing. I'm not productive at all. Actually, I'm counterproductive. I taking what I wrote and rewrite it. You're way ahead of me, darlin'.
Ter- I'm constantly in that stage as well. The stewing process. It's always there, but I have no way to get it out. Apparently it just hasn't cooked long enough to take it out and can it.
J.K- Aren't you just the sweetest thing? Do you spend a lot of money on Post-It notes to capture the muse inspirations at inopportune times? Hellion is filled with all sorts of ideas with post-it notes. I know I don't like the storyboarding idea, but the different color post-it notes really caught my eye.
PS. Thanks you wenches and pirates for the props on my writing voice. Y'all are sweet.
Hellion- I haven't learned the wrath yet. Do you write scenes to the background noise? I sometimes notice when I've been writing something that it mirrors what I've been listening to.
Kelly K- Ah, to have inspiration while writing. Priceless! I'm mostly inspired to road rage while driving. LOL
Gei- Magical rice cakes? Just what do they put in those things now-a-days? LOL
I just realized I used a cooking metaphor (that is a metaphor, right?) and that's the one thing I hate to do. LOL!
And the mention once again of brownies is killing me. I almost had one Monday night but walked away. I don't think I'll be so strong this evening. *sigh*
Is that Ruiz that woke you up? Does that really happen? I'm afraid my apartment building could fall over while I was sleeping and I'd hardly notice.
Yes. I'm frequently woke up by my characters in the middle of the night. Ruiz wakes me up the most. Sometimes Ash. Sometimes Sadie. Not so much her though. Frequently I dream through her eyes. Sounds strange, but it's very true.
I'm an extremely light sleeper. Internal chattering keeps me up all night long. I sound schizo. I swear I'm not.
Books inspire me to write. After reading BED by Lisa Kleypas I had the first real inspiration to write in a long time. Great writers make me want to do great things.
My characters talk to me, but not in my dreams usually right before I go to sleep.
Great blog Babe:)
No, you haven't experienced the Wrath yet. But 1) you've never woken me up from a sound sleep, for no reason other than to hand me a phone with a telemarketer on it or to ask if you can have your Christmas present now since that's the only reason you came anyway; 2) I like you and you don't annoy me; and 3) I'm mellowing in my old age.
I was a freaking hell of a lot crankier in my early 20s and my nieces would wake me up. They got trained early. I'll be in my room, semi-conscious, and hear Dad say something like, "Fran's in her room if you want to ask her about the movie." NIECE: "Is she asleep?" DAD: "It doesn't matter. You can wake her if she is." NIECE: "No, I'll wait. The documentary about WWII and the fire ants is fine."
And don't call me after 9:45 PM unless you've won the lottery, someone died, or you're in dire circumstances and need me to help hide a body. Don't call me to just say hello and sound all chipper...I don't suggest calling me at 9:45 AM for a similar reason.
Hope you all with print this for your How To Handle a Hellion Manual....
Nothing wakes me up when my head hits the pillow, except my dog hacking all over the place like she did this morning. Argh!!
Hellion, I listen to POTC while I'm writing too! And POTO, Master & Commander is GREAT!
Inspirations usually hit me in the shower when I can't write anything down. Argh!!
I'm like Lisa, books inspire me. The better the author the more I want to do that! I've had a streak of excellent reads lately (LK's BED being one of them!) and all sorts of stuff has been popping into my head and ultimately pouring out onto the page.
I'm not a Hellion but I have that same "don't wake me!" thing. My daughter has learned the hard way. Once when we were visiting my family, my sister tried to get her to wake me up. She flat refused to do it. Nobody can call her slow. LOL!
Kathy- I get inspired in the shower too. I mostly do my best thinking in the shower. It's the only time during the day that's mine. All mine. I get almost giddy to get in the shower in the morning and at night after the gym.
Irish- I LOVED Blue Eyed Devil! Reading books only gets me in the mode to read more. I try to avoid reading while writing. I love reading what does it for everyone! We're all so different. It was a great day!
Ter- I'm the same way. If it's someone actually trying to wake me up, watch out, you'll get the alarm clock flung at your head. The DH knows. He got kicked in the ribs not to long ago. Left a bruise. I'm mean. LOL
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