Monday, March 24, 2008
He Said, She Said
There are some real disadvantages to living on a pirate ship. Other than that sex in a swinging hammock thing not being all that easy, I'd say the lack of electrical outlets is the biggest hassle. Since we can read and write by candlelight, it's not the end of the world. But listening to audio devices gets a little complicated.That's why when I take my little road trips away from the ship, I almost always listen to an audiobook. And this weekend was no different. I've listened to three audiobooks so far this year and I have the same problem with all of them. The way the person reads the story is not the same way I would read it. It throws me off and, I believe, ruins the experience of the book for me.
It comes down to inflection. By putting the emphasis on the wrong word, the narrator can change the meaning of the entire sentence. Something that should have been a demand may come across as pleading. Sarcasm can be lost completely and we won't even go into the timing required for comedy.
Since I'm the example queen, I'm going to give an example. I know, big shocker. Anyway, lets choose something simple. I'm going to type out one line of dialog and bold the words I want emphasized. Now, obviously, it's hard to do this stuff out of context but since we're talking about reading this line aloud, I think this can work.
"If I wanted her, I'd have her."
With the emphasis on "wanted" and "have", this is a bold statement most likely of challenge. You can see the character saying it with eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. But what if I change it just a bit?
"If I wanted her, I'd have her."
This is much more insulting than challenging and meant to put the other character in his/her place. The speaking character is trying to make a point, defend himself or getting tired of arguing. Maybe by now you've figured out the dilemma.
We can't go through out books making bold all the words we want emphasized. This is where action tags play a key roll. Action tags are often thought of as throw away bits. Just two or three words to make sure the reader knows who is speaking. But they can do so much more.
"If I wanted her, I'd have her," he growled, never blinking.
Or
"If I wanted her, I'd have her," he roared, throwing his hands in the air.
Now there is no mistaking how I want these lines to be interpreted. Even the simple change of the word "growled" to "roared" can change the context and meaning.
As you write, do you use action tags to their full advantage? Do you ever wonder if what the reader hears in her mind is what you intended with your words? Do you think I'm totally full of crap and have figured out that I had no idea what to write about today? And have you ever listened to an audiobook and wished you'd read it instead?
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30 comments:
Yes I have listened to audio books and you're right, the reader doesn't make it like the author intended. I listened to Diane G. scottish romances that way and wished I had read them instead.
I've never listened to an audio book. I like the feel of the book in my hands.
And , yes, I use action tags to their full advantage(of course I have Ter to thank for that. She pointed out the darth of them in my WIP months ago).
This is why I don't listen to audio books. I've discovered I'm not much of an aural learner, anyway. When I go to meetings, I just want them to stop talking and pass out the damn sheets already so I can read them. And give me a gun when they whip out the power point presentation.
Hi there, Terra, and welcome to the ship. I haven't tried any historicals yet. I'm afraid if the accent was really off, I'd just get mad and turn it off. Did the narrator sound Scottish at all?
Kelly - I only listen to them on road trips when I don't have a choice. And they do work wonders to make the time fly by. Now stop making me blush. LOL! I had no idea I was any help all those months ago.
Maggie - maybe conferences aren't for you. LOL! They talk A LOT in those workshops!
Great blog, Terr.
I've not really thought about this. Mostly I obsess that I'm using "said" too much, but I recently read an article where "said" is practically invisible. It's using OTHER tags where it's shown you're a "newbie" writer, trying too hard. (So now, basically I don't know what to think.) Mostly I stick with SAID and then I italicize/underline the word that was important to me and my character.
I don't imagine my books will be on audio, so it won't matter.
(How do you inflect/emphasize words in braille, by the way?)
Most of the books I've heard on audio, I've loved. I started listening to books on audio when I discovered Harry Potter on CD. I mean, I'd only read the books 5-6 times...but hey, I might have missed something. The only one I loathed on audio was one of the Stephanie Plum books. The narrator didn't sound like Stephanie to me (she sounded like a phone sex operator); AND she BUTCHERED Ranger's voice. BUTCHERED IT. I couldn't get to the end, even though I loved the book in print. Recently I listened to Sugar Daddy on CD; and although I didn't love the narrator's voice (I could've sounded more Texan), she grew on me...and she inflected the right words. I was sold.
Sugar Daddy is the one I wanted to listen to but couldn't find it. To be fair, I don't plan ahead much so I was stuck with whatever I could find at the Cracker Barrel where we stopped. I was happy that I managed to find a McNaught since I haven't read her in way too long, but I was surprised that I kept finding holes in the plot.
I've heard several times that SAID just becomes invisible and some editors recognize a newbie if they never use SAID. But I don't think there is any problem mixing it up. You just have to know when you have the right mix.
If you read it out loud to yourself and realize it's starting to sound pretentious, back it off. If it sounds like it's too repetitive and you can't *see* what the character is doing, then change it up.
I'm an English major. To us, there is no such thing as too pretentious.
Great blog, Terrio!
I wonder about this sometimes in my WIP. I try to watch my saids, or my "sighed/growled/purred" as well as my adverbs. But, if I stop and fuss over them, I lose my flow. So, I'd expect that I'll have to revise with this in mind.
I won a critique with Terri Garey and she said that passages that use the words "he" and "she" a lot should be relooked at because too much repetition of those words can sometimes mean you're showing too much and not telling enough.
Anyone have thoughts on that?
Hellion said: "I'm an English major. To us, there is no such thing as too pretentious."
LOL!!! But, at least we make it sound pretty when we are being pretentious. That's something.
LOL! You're an English major, not an English professor. I'm pretty sure you'd recognize it right off.
Think of it this way, if you ever feel the desire to roll your eyes, it's too much. LOL!
Marnee - I've gotten to where I drop the "he said" part and just give them an action.
"If I wanted her, I'd have her." His eyes bore holes in his opponent. "Don't think differently."
This way, you know he's serious and angry without having to say "he" anything.
It ate my comment. I'm going to stew over this for a moment.
Oh interesting blog... can't comment now... will come back after I have groceries. But this is something that makes me not want to try audio books.
I had the "said" debate recently with a women whose fanfiction chapter I was editing. She had, for almost every line of dialog, he yelled, she chortled, he commented lightly, etc.
I grabbed a couple recently published novels to explain, and I noticed that there were barely any dialog tags at all. There were a few 's/he said's scattered, one "she called over her shoulder," and one "he responded."
Other than that, it was all action tags, like Terri's example. Where there is no "he/she" did anything, just an action contained in a sentence, placed next to the line of dialog. Of course, every author using tags differently...
For me personally, asked and mummered is about as far as I stray from said.
Marnee Jo - I have that problem a lot! I'll go back and read a paragraph, and every sentence starts with she. Nice to know what the problem is!
I've never had the desire to listen to audio books. For some reason the thought of the person speaking the words would mess up the visual images I form in my mind as I read. The imagery is part of the satisfaction I enjoy most about reading.
It doesn't mean I would never listen to an audio book. The only experience I had with an audio book is an excerpt from one of Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books. The girl made Ranger sound like a guido, and it totally messed up my Ranger mojo.
I think I use tags too infrequently. I liked your examples, it explains what I was trying to say in my blog a couple of weeks ago about meeting people online. Without facial expressions type written words can be interpreted the wrong way. I think this is another example of why another set of eyes on your work for editing is so helpful.
His eyes BORE HOLES into his opponent? I know this is an example, but this opens up a whole new writing Nazi rule about body parts not doing things they "can't" do. Like her hands FLEW to her mouth.
Yes, I just made this up while doing three other things, but I've heard both Julia Quinn and Cathy Maxwell say it's silly to get hung up on that. Everyone knows what you mean and it's *pretentious* to get squirrelly about it.
I'm paraphrasing - obviously. LOL!
It's all about the imagery babe. Boring holes into someone makes for a good visual, at least for me.
This was a great blog Terr!
Lis, like I commented before the evil blogger ate it, I also had a bad experience with Ranger and audio. It was EOT. I'll never read that book again without laughing through the first half of it. I didn't even make it all the way through the audio book. Made it to the Cluck-in-a-Bucket fiasco and stopped.
There is something about holding the book in my hands, getting the visual effect from the words that I don't want to substitute with audio.
Sin - still stewing?
Tiff - get me some of those donut holes.
Haleigh - From what I've studied, as long as the action is being performed by the speaker, the reader can keep it straight. And to me, it reads smoother. Gives me a chance to create visuals and eliminates the telling part.
I was. Blogger is trying to make me pull out my hair. And I just got it cut, so I don't want to waste $50.
And it's still eating them, but I outsmarted it this time and copied my answer so I could paste it in case. LOL
Lisa - Having another pair of eyes is crucial but only if those eyes *get* what you're writing. Important to keep in mind.
Also, reading what you've written out loud can make a big difference. Really read it as if it's a script. If there is anything to hang up the reader, you'll find it then.
Hey, I've got lots of flying body parts...I was just saying.
Perhaps it's out of context. The bore holes sentence made me want to laugh rather than swoon.
Yeah, the out of context thing is a problem with this kind of discussion because if you're reading a long confrontational scene, you wouldn't need as much info to know the dude is not happy. But body language is just as important as the words spoken IMO.
That I agree with. Goes with the whole showing, not telling thing I need to work on. Constantly. With every chapter of my novels.
I tried to listen to one of Nora Roberts/JD Robb's "In Death" books on audio - the (female) narrator used this really thick Irish accent for Roarke, and combined with her higher-pitched feminine voice, there was a leprechaun vibe that totally ruined it.
On the other hand, I love anything read in a smooth Brit-accented baritone.
I blogged several weeks ago about discovering I had way too many action tags in some of my scenes. I've actually been trying to limit them, as well as the "unusual" dialogue tags. I also have to fight the urge to overuse italics to get across the word emphasis and inflection I want. Ideally, the dialogue lines themselves should do the majority of the work, but I still struggle with it.
Tessa - That is another issue, a woman trying to portray a man's voice. The last one I listened to, All Night Long by Jayne Ann Krentz, had a male narrator for the hero POV parts and a female reader for the heroine POV parts. It made a huge difference but my understanding is that's rarely done.
And if you are still struggling with this stuff but sold, I feel better that this sort of thing can be worked out in editing.
The best audio book I've ever, um, heard was 'A Christmas Carol' read by Patrick Stewart. Need I say more? It was fabulous.
The DH and I listen to Sue Griffin (?) books on the road. I think we are up to the letter N and, yes, we have a way to go. The narrator of that series does a great job with all the characters.
I also listened to a Dean Koonz novel on audio and it scared the Bejesus out of me. Ditto for several Crighton books. I haven't ventured into romances - yet.
This may sound strange but I don't add tags to dialog until I am done with a scene. I know how they are saying it in my head. I then say the lines out loud and can hear where the tags, if any, need to go. I haven't mastered this as well with my action tags.
Great blog, Terrio!
Santa - I actually did that last week for the first time. Only, I'm not sure it needs any action tags. It's a quickfire convo of heroine's boss talking really fast and not letting her get a word in. I think just writing it straight through kind of works but figured I'd go back and add tags later if necessary.
I couldn't imagine listening to those scary books. Especially when I listen to these things on long road trips when I'm all alone. I'd never be able to get out and pump my own gas at a dark, strange gas station. LOL!
"Did the author of this blog actually say that English professors are pretentious?" Janga said with a supercilious expression. :)
Jenny Crusie is one of those who says "said" is invisible. She has stong words for writers who have characters sighing words that can't be sighed and other such ill-conceived combinations.
I think we aspirers have to be careful about advice, If one write I admire warns against repeating he and she, and another I respect cautions not to overuse the characters' names, where does that leave me?
Present company excluded, of course. *g*
Great point, Janga. This is what hung me up all of last year. All the advice and rules and nay-saying. I've finally figured out I know enough to get the story down and stop worrying about rules. After a while, I think they become part of our subconsious anyway.
No one gets it perfect the first time and telling a good story is the point. If the reader knows what the character is saying, how they are saying it, and why, then all should be just fine.
That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. LOL!
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