*camera zooms in on a crystal white beach and turquoise waters; palm trees and fauna beckon; and in the distance near the shore are three riders on horseback, two women and one flamboyantly familiar man*



JACK: *waving at the camera before realizing he shouldn’t have let go of the reins, snatches them up again and veers his horse in a circle* ‘ello, pirates and wenches, we’re…whoa horsie…here with another edition of Fabulous Interview with…oh, bugger, why is he tossing his head like that?



HELLION: It’s a girl, Jack.



JACK: That’s odd--*horse skitters sideways*--I’m usually so good with girls.



HELLION: *resting comfortably in the saddle with reins in one hand* Hello, everyone, as you’ve determined, it is another Fabulous Interview with the Incontinent…



JACK: INCOMPARABLE!



HELLION: Captain Jack Sparrow. Today’s guest is none other than Ms. Lois Greiman. And as you might have guessed from our trail ride on the beach, Ms. Greiman is a bit of a horsewoman as well as an author. Ms. Greiman, writers, like actors, frequently wear many hats before they break into the writing biz. What other jobs have you had in your life and how have they played a part in your writing now?



LOIS: Keep your heels down, Jack. Well, after high school, I moved from my parents' cattle ranch in North Dakota to a horse ranch in Minnesota where I trained and showed Arabian horses. Horses, Arabians in particular, are still the love of my life, but I've followed a few other interesting, and less deadly, pursuits. I managed a fitness club for a while. I was a veterinary assistant. But neither of those gave me that thrilling 'will I die today' kind of jolt. Writing, on the other hand, is a nice way of living vicariously without risking your life on the back of an over-excited steed. And you get that added bonus of being able to kill off people every once in a while. Very cathartic.



HELLION: I do find killing people to be very cathartic. What kind of books do you like to write? I'm guessing ones where you get to kill people?



LOIS: I started out writing historical romance novels. It took me approximately forever to sell my first one. But finally Avon Books gave up and offered me a contract in 1992. Since then I've written over thirty titles including romantic comedy, children's, historical romance, and mysteries.



JACK: *bouncing hard in the saddle as his horse trots around Hellion and Lois* I’ll be right with you, Lois. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about our interviewwwwwwwww! *horse gallops off wildly with Jack barely hanging on*



HELLION: *completely unperturbed* That sounds fascinating. I love Avon books--I'm glad they "gave up." *LOL* What do you have out now available for readers to buy? Tell us all about it—and speak slowly when you describe the hero in detail.



LOIS: My 7th Chrissy McMullen novel, Uncorked, was just released. Chrissy is a crazy psychologist in LA. Her nemesis/romantic interest is Lieutenant Jack Rivera who tends to (simultaneously) make her nuts and save her life. He's all cocky and Latino and sexy as hell. A little like Captain Jack only (Lois stares into the distance at the flapping Jack Sparrow) a little less...something.



HELLION: Yes, a little less something. I can guess what. *sighs* Now there’s a hero to enjoy. *Jack veers back past them in another gallop, still screaming* Tell us about what you’re working on now. I saw that you have started a cowgirl series that you’re excited about. What is it about and when can we look forward to reading it?



LOIS: Yes, my first Hope Springs book is due April 1st and I'm having a ball with it. It's set on a ranch in South Dakota, not too far from where I grew up. It's a coming home story, kind of a redemption story, about Casie Carmichael, a young woman who inherits her father's ranch. She plans to dump it and high tail it back to the city at the first possible opportunity, but abandoned horses and abused kids keep showing up on her porch. Once Casie gets her bearings on the ranch she has several men who show interest in her, but the real hero's name is Colton Dickenson. I might love him just as much as Lieutenant Rivera…or Jack Sparrow…but don't tell the captain.



JACK: *fighting his horse and diving between Hellion and Lois, as the horse skitters sideways between them* You hellspawn of my ex-wife, you will—er—Lois, darling, I told you I would return. *horse spins in a circle like a gyro* You’re such a natural on your horse. I thought I would start our interview by asking who are some of your favorite authors and genres to read?



LOIS: I've loved J.R.R. Tolkein since the dawn of time. That love directed me toward a real appreciation for paranormals. But I have a pretty eclectic palate. J.D. Robb, Jim Butcher, Charlaine Harris, Janet Evanovich… I guess it's no secret that writers love to read.



JACK: Fascinating that you like—son of a *horse bucks, then bolts off again, this time toward the jungle area; Jack’s last words drowned out by more screaming*



HELLION: I’m sure you’d never notice, but this is Jack’s first time on a horse.



LOIS: He should maybe stick to ships.



HELLION: Indeed. Normally this is when we would ask you about The Call and your writer’s journey into publishing. Would you care to share?



LOIS: I had been writing very seriously for about 5 years when I got the call. After more than 100 rejections, Christine Zika called me from Avon Books and said that Ellen Edwards was interested in my manuscript and wanted to make sure it was still available before she finished reading it. After sooo many rejections, I was flabbergasted and said…"Available for what?" I'm not sure if I was thinking she was going to line bird cages with it or what!



HELLION: These stories never get old. Awesome. Okay. So do you have any questions for us, or anything exciting to share that I haven’t touched on?



LOIS: I'm thrilled to be writing for a major publisher since Kensington picked up my cowgirl series, and I'm happy to say I have a romantic suspense series coming out with with the wonderful Debs at Belle Bridge Books, too. But right now I'm really enjoying Chrissy McMullen's world. It's been a fun journey putting Chrissy online. You can find her and all her neurotic friends at http://www.amazon.com/Uncorked-Chrissy-McMullen-Mysteries-ebook/dp/B006QXOAB0/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326404170&sr=1-1 if you're into e-books.

Or if you still love print books as much as I do, hop to:

http://www.amazon.com/Uncorked-7-Lois-Greiman/dp/1468145347/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327776689&sr=1-2 for your Chrissy fix.



Thanks for having me, Hellion, and ummm….Jack…wherever you are.

HELLION: Debs? As in THE Debra Dixon of GMC fame? Wow! Well, I'm glad we can definitely get our Lois Greiman fix while we're waiting for your cowgirl series! So discussion for the day: how skilled of a horseman are you? And if you could be published by your dream publisher, who would it be? AND most importantly, which one of Lois' books do you want to try first? Me--I'll definitely try Uncorked, but I cannot wait for the cowgirl series!! You know me and series! It's Friday, Pirates, get your party on!