Friday, August 16, 2013

Las Vegas, Confidence...and Wigs


I love my new wig...and maybe when I'm all silver I will have my natural hair dyed this color... Hee, hee.
 
What does a lavender wig have to do with anything? Well, it can spark plot ideas, lift the spirits, challenge my costume shopping gene…

Now, what is really funny about this… I had this hairstyle when I was in third grade. In fact, this is one of my all-time favorite school pictures. It wasn’t until I got home from Vegas, where I bought the wig, that I realized how similar these two hairstyles are.
 
Granted, one is a nice brunette, and one is lavender…and take…uh…40something years apart…but I do remember how confident I was at that age. No idea why, really. I guess life hadn’t presented me with any real scary stuff yet.

Third grade was the year the family moved to a new city. First time I dealt with mean girls who were mean just because they could be. Which I didn’t understand at all, so I stood up to them, eyes clear and confident that I was right. (I was.) Ran into a friend I made in that new city a few years ago, who remembered clearly how I made Debbie stop picking on her. I don’t remember it. I guess because it didn’t seem extraordinary to me. It certainly was to L.

I’ve been thinking a lot about confidence lately, as I seem to be falling in and out of black hole regarding what confidence I have. I don’t know if a lavender wig will help me, though I do find a pirate hat at conventions does wonders for my ability to connect with people. (Now, if only all those compliments about the hat would translate into some of these people taking a chance on buying a pirate story…)

Do you remember when you were the bravest kid in school? Or knew the bravest kid in school? Do you think it was a matter of confidence or ignorance? ;-)

 

26 comments:

quantum said...

I started a short story the other day where the heroine has hair with luminosity that changes with mood. It's a children's story but with the recent tendency to write adult variations of fairy stories, I could have the hair giving 'come hither' signals instead of the current disapproval of porridge.

Mo, I'll bet that lavender shade glows in the dark and sends hubby wild with anticipation!

Hummmm, The confidence question.
I have no doubt that confidence grows on success. Bound to be a little nervous when starting out. I remember my first over bowling for the school cricket team. I gave away two sixes and was 'rested' after the second over. Batting was no better when I scored a duck. I did have belief in my ability though and after a few games I took a wicket and confidence began to bloom. At the end of the season I was a bowling star!

First comes belief (and prayer!) then confidence follows.

In your case Mo it can only be a matter of waiting a while .... sometimes after dropping into a black hole you can be re-born by ejection through a white hole. *smile*

Marnee Bailey said...

I don't think I ever was the bravest kid in school. I got brave later. I was shy, I didn't always stand up for kids when I wanted to. I was never a bully, but I admit that I wasn't often a savior either.

I do remember taking on the kids on our bus when they were picking on my brother. He had learning disabilities and was socially awkward. I stood up and told them to stop. Then I got in my first and only fight. I punch a bully girl in the nose.

Amazing, but after that, that girl was always nice to me. Very strange. Tough girl, from a rough house.

As to confidence, I wish I understood where it came from or how to get more. Sometimes it's external, lots of times it internal. I don't know.

For me, a lot of it is trying not to compare myself with others. Not my talents or happiness or looks. When I start doing checks and balances between myself and someone else (even some amorphous "someone" from Cosmo magazine), that's when I get into trouble.

Terri Osburn said...

I am not proud to report I was the bully in 1st grade. Still makes me ashamed to think about it. But I mellowed by 4th. I remember in 5th there was a girl a year behind me who took over the bully job and thought she'd try it on me. I lifted her off the ground, slammed her back against a wall, and informed her she was messing with the wrong person. She never bothered me again.

I'm the 2nd born and was supposed to be a boy per the docs. When my vagina and I showed up, my dad was undeterred. Still named me Terri (my mother insisted on the i for a girl), and taught me to fight and build things. I think that's where my early confidence came from. I know I could physically take care of myself.

Also doesn't hurt that I'm smart and quick enough to cut a person with words alone. Anywho, I don't have this same confidence in writing. I guess I have more now, and I get more every day, but I don't feel like I'm *there* yet. Whatever that means.

MsHellion said...

Is the website dark for any of them? Or is it just me?

Terri Osburn said...

It's dark on my home laptop but fine here at work. I know my laptop updated the other night so maybe that's it. No recent updates on the work PC.

MsHellion said...

I was never brave in school--I was the crybaby that was bullied. And it was a small town so it didn't matter that they should have been nicer. You always find the weakest link and mock them because you're glad you're better than SOMEONE. *shrugs* I hated school--on Facebook, some of them are trying to arrange a class reunion because we've never had one and I'm ready to comment, "Sorry, it hasn't been long enough since I last saw you to tolerate you again."

I was braver in college, I think. Going to college was my "brave" act because my family kept saying I couldn't go and stuff or I shouldn't think on it...and I was all "I AM SO GOING." And I did. (Oh, if I only did everything in life that way.)

Watch Kristan Higgins' RWA speech...that's awesome. Doesn't matter if you saw it before or saw it life, it's still true and still inspiring you to take your confidence back and just do it.

Maureen said...

Q - I love it. From scoring a duck (whatever that is) to a white hole...

Yeah, I like that! There is light at the end of the black hole, as the universe turns inside out and I emerge from a whitehole...

Good to see you again, sir!

Maureen said...

Oh, Marn! I forgot...I did that telling the bullies to stop picking on the special needs kids... A few days later, the little shi*t showed up with her big sister, to beat me up. Luckily, I was working as a crossing guard at that point and just blew her off... A few years later, that little shi*t's older brother married my sister. Small world! (They divorced later....)

But the confidence does come from not comparing. Which is what I mean, there is something pure about some kids...they just don't believe in comparing, so their confidence level is up there with the stars. I was one of those. It didn't last, even then, but for a while...

Which is why I keep this particular picture. It's a sensory memory that strengthens me.

Maureen said...

Terri - As a adult, words are so much more powerful than physical ability. In all my confrontations with bullies in the early years, it was always done with words and the strong spine of belief. Though when big sis showed up, knowing how to defend myself would have come in handy...if it had come to that. I probably would have used the sign and then run...

And yeah, I'm dealing with a dark blog...no background to lighten things up.

I'm getting better with the confidence...or I'm getting braver. We'll see!

Maureen said...

That was an awesome speech, Hel! I should probably listen to it again, as I had to deal with a few things while I was listening to it the other day...

Okay, the thing is...before we moved, I was the total melt in a corner at the slightest criticism. My mom has a note from my kindergarten teacher about how much I cry when corrected.

I do not know where that went when we moved... It's like I left it behind...

Think it might have been my laptop update, Terri? Because it did change after that...I thought maybe that was what it was until I heard others had it going, too...

Terri Osburn said...

If the blog looks dark, try opening the site in a different browser. Firefox is working for me, but Chrome is not. Haven't tried IE yet.

Terri Osburn said...

Nope, it's dark in IE as well. I suggest Firefox.

Maureen said...

I wonder how many systems I can ask the laptop to run at once before it whimpers and slinks away from me...

MsHellion said...

I am in FIREFOX--and it's just as dark here. WTF.

Terri Osburn said...

That IS weird. My IT dude is in today. Maybe I'll ask him.

quantum said...

For Firefox try the following:
Click 'Firefox' in top left corner.
Select 'options'
select 'general'
select 'fonts and colours'
select 'colours'
make sure the box 'allow page to choose own colours' is unselected
select background colour (I use grey)
Voila! LOL

quantum said...

PS

Glad I wasn't in the playground when you pirates were around!

Where were all the gallant lads to defend you? LOL

Maureen said...

Gallant lads...well... as I recall, busy trying to spy my growing bustline...

Terri Osburn said...

I think I bullied the gallant lads until they were afraid of me. The poor things. (This explains so much now that I think about it.)

Maureen said...

I went to a Catholic school, too. You'd think there might have been gallant lads... But nope, only voyeurs. (I was wearing a bra by 5th grade.)

Janga said...

I think I was a pretty confident kid, thanks to parents who thought I could do anything I wanted to, but I was born a harmony lover who worked hard at avoiding conflict. More than once I was hit or shoved while trying to play peacemaker.

I find it really disturbing that the confidence level in girls drops so significantly as they move into adolescence. In elementary school, 60 percent of girls are happy with who they are, lower than boys even at that age but twice the rate for older girls. Seven in ten of adolescent girls believe that they are unacceptable in one or more areas--looks, academics, social status, etc. And low self-esteem often leads to decisions with heavy consequences.

Janga said...

We had some gallant lads at my school. A tough guy jumped me once when I was walking home alone because I had stayed late to tutor a classmate in reading. My up-the-street neighbor, a year older, pulled the tough guy off and gave him a bloody nose.

Terri Osburn said...

Janga, I can see this on kiddo's Tumblr. I'm amazed at these beautiful girls who think they're ugly and worthless and I want to hug them all, then shake some sense into them.

P. Kirby said...

I think I may have been confident at the pre-school age. Maybe. Once my nerdy-bookish self went to to school, I was either bullied or, in the manner of the bullied, found myself going along with the bullying of others.

Like Hellion, you couldn't pay me (well, you could, but it would take a lot) to get me to go to a high school reunion. I remember a friend, saying years ago, that the only reason she'd go is to see who got fat. I guess there's a part of me that would like to go and sneer down my skinny and toned body* at certain b*tches, but...honestly, at this point, I can't even remember precisely why I hated those people. I just remember hating them.

Nowadays, I'll stand up for myself and others. But my self-esteem is still shit. Working on that, though. Hence the acting class and other outgoing sort of activities.

*Yeah. I'm bragging. I've spent the past year and a half getting my body and brain together. I'm proud of what I've accomplished.

Oh, and website is dark on my screen (Firefox) unless I do Quantum's trick.

Maureen said...

I blame modern media. But then again, I blame modern media for most things that are wrong with the world. And no, not TV necessarily. But honestly, Madison Avenue. Anyone else see that amazing monologue the British guy did about when things went wrong in this country?

When marketing decided the best thing to do was to target youth. ARGH!

Janga, as an adult I much more the peacemaker. Or the runner. I run, a lot.

Maureen said...

Pat, I had a great group in high school...and that certainly helped. Made up of the nerds and brains.

As a result, I enjoy my class reunions. It also helps that they are Steph's reunions, too!

I took an acting class several years ago and it was great. I kept a very detailed journal as I went along. How I felt before and after each class and what I'd learned... Actually handed it in and had a teacher I dearly respect thank me profusely for such honesty and authenticity. He'd asked everyone to keep a journal, but most wrote almost nothing. I wrote a book... Of course!