Monday, June 17, 2013

Christmas in June

Today felt like the perfect day for a parody. Bring out your Christmas music because that's what the tune is. Now, all together:




I picked a fight with my CP,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
I stayed up all night and watched TV,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
I read some fan fic of Harry’s world,
I turned my hero into a girl,
I thought I’d give a threesome a whirl—
My Muse went and snitched on me.

I’m getting nothing at all written,
My agent and editor are enraged.
I’m getting nothing at all written,
I’m stuck here on this very same page.

I wrote a mean review at Amazon,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
In chapter three, I shot a fawn,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
I wrote villains who killed kittens,
I gave my heroine a life-time sentence,
My hero shows absolutely no repentance—
My Muse went and snitched on me.

Oh, I’m getting nothing at all written,
My agent and editor are enraged.
I’m getting nothing at all written,
I’m stuck here on this very same page.

I won’t be getting that six-figure stub,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
I won’t be in the RITA supper club,
My Muse went and snitched on me.
I’m sitting down, I’m writing fast,
This bright idea won’t be my last,
I will be the top star in my writing class,
So my Muse can no longer snitch on me.

Oh, yes, I’ll get it all down and written,
My agent and editor are pleased,
Oh, I’m getting it all down and written,
Why look, isn’t writing a breeze!



What has your Muse been snitching on you about?

18 comments:

Maureen said...

My muse is buried in Davy Jones locker and hallucinating. No snitching.

If he ever gets out, or I travel to the far side of the world to rescue him...I'm sure he'll tell everyone how I haven't been on my elliptical for more than week, and I've been ignoring my editing jobs...

Terri Osburn said...

My muse snitched that I've been eating anything and everything via a dress I bought that is slightly too tight. I'm not on a mission to lose 5-10 lbs in 4 weeks. Have lost nearly 2lbs since Friday, so I'm off to a good start.

MsHellion said...

Mo, after your Muse licks a few brains, he'll get his mojo back, I'm sure. You might have to get on your elliptical in order to go to the far side of the world! Hop on, girl! Go fetch him!

MsHellion said...

You lost 2 lbs since Friday? What are you on a starvation diet over the weekend or something? Or did you have the stomach flu?

And I'm sure you can lose that much in a month. Just no Mama Cupcakes or whatever they call them. At least not until August.

Terri Osburn said...

No flu for me, thank goodness. I just stopped shoving food in my face, and stopped eating after dinner. No constant snacking. Was enough enough when I had plenty to do over the weekend. But then Burger King showed that commercial for their soft serve ice cream for $.50. I'm a sucker for soft serve ice cream, so that's just cruel.

MsHellion said...

Well, you can handle that one of two ways. 1.) That if you buy some low fat vanilla ice cream and cones, it'd be cheaper; or 2.) by looking at the ingredients of soft-serve ice cream. Soft serve's ingredients are corn syrup, whey, monoglycerides and diglycerides (emulsifiers), artificial flavors, guar gum, calcium sulfate, cellulose gum, polysorbates 65 and 80 (emulsifiers), carrageenan, magnesium hydroxide and air pumped into the mixture as it crystallizes.

Seeing the words "corn syrup" always makes me wince. It usually at least makes me think before I proceed with the item.

Terri Osburn said...

Considering the preservatives and general bad ingredients I put in my body on a regular basis, corn syrup is probably a health food in comparison.

I think I'll just be good all week and use the soft serve as a reward. Though I'll get it from Dairy Queen.

MsHellion said...

I'd say that's frightening, but I'm drinking diet mountain dew...and I had turkey bacon for breakfast (and as anyone knows, turkeys aren't the actual source for bacon). Still tasty. Of sorts.

Sounds like a good plan nonetheless.

Marnee Bailey said...

This is hilarious! Great job, Hells!

I refuse to disparage my muse this morning. She cleared up something I'd been stuck on this weekend. I don't want to get on her bad side.

I'm more of a custard girl. I have no idea what is in it and please don't tell me. I eat so little of it, I'd prefer to remain in the dark.

My sweets are more the cakes, cookies, etc that I make for myself. I know what's in there. Doesn't make them any better for me, though. LOL!

Happy Monday, girls!

MsHellion said...

Marn, always the wise choice to remain on good terms with the Muse. :)

Never been the frozen custard person. I think I don't like my ice cream that soft...so I prefer hand-dipped ice cream. :) Like Baskin Robbins.

Ummm, cake.

P. Kirby said...

Heh. I had frozen custard in a cone this weekend. Waaay more fat and sugar than I usually consume, but I was at Art in the Park, it was hot as hell, and I was going to have to take down the tent/booth, haul metal sculptures to the car, etc. I deserved some bad.

Muse says I'm a neurotic basket case. I sent a WIP to someone to read and immediately after hitting "send," wanted to follow up with an email begging them not to read the horrible thing. I haz da crazy.

Janga said...

Hellie, I love this! It's been too long since we've had one of your songs.

Since my muse and I are not on speaking terms today, I have no idea what's she snitching. Probably that I devote too little time to listening to her.

Maureen said...

Hmmm, unhook the elliptic and take off after him...might work. And get myself moving, too!

MsHellion said...

Pat, we all haz da crazy. It's why we're writers. *LOL* And yes, after all that work and slogging in the heat, a little ice cream-custard is definitely allowed.

Me, I'm overdosing on chocolate twizzlers. Seriously, they're like my crack.

MsHellion said...

Janga, thank you! :) I started out writing a blog--but after about 1500 words, I decided, "Nobody got time for dat" and decided to go the parody route. Because as you say, it's been a while. *LOL*

Tuning out your Muse? Man, you don't want to admit to that...she'll definitely snitch on you! And then when you do start listening to her, she'll be all attitude and "Oh, so NOW you want to listen?"

MsHellion said...

Exactly--two birds, one stone. Exercise and seizing the Muse!

Maureen said...

Chocolate twizzlers? Oh, the depths to which humanity will dive!

quantum said...

Loved the parody.
As Janga said, It's been a long time!

Scientists don't really believe in muses.
But I do sometimes wonder whether someone has been tapping my phone.

Perhaps my muse is 'Big Brother' ..... Help!