Monday, February 25, 2013

Another Morning After--Who Would You Thank?

The Oscars. Everyone has been buzzing about them for weeks, months. For the first time since I remember I had actually seen half of the movies they had nominated for best picture and agreed they were actually good. The other half, I still actually wanted to see but hadn't had a chance yet. Everyone agreed who the best picture would go to. Or they had the bets hedged at the very least. I remember seeing the TODAY show going, "Half the votes will go here, half will go there, and I bet Amore will get it instead! Wouldn't that be wonderful?" But that was a wildcard wish--we all knew who would actually win. We knew. And then....

Yep. The one they kept dismissing was the one that won. Argo. Mind you, I believe most everyone agreed it was a great movie: great pacing, great dialogue, great story in general--something you could get behind, but it was surrounded by movies with more meat to them. And seriously who wouldn't be voting for Lincoln? Wouldn't that be sacrilegious if you didn't? How can you not vote for our best president? Daniel Day-Lewis is his doppelganger for crying out loud.

Anyway, whether you agree or disagree with how the awards were passed out last night, it just goes to show, you just never know. If you're in the listing, you could very well win, even if the competition is Nora Roberts, Kristan Higgins, Barbara O'Neal, and Jennifer Crusie. That RITA, my friends, could very well be yours as anyone else's.

Of course, it's honor to be nominated, don't get me wrong, but how exactly would your acceptance speech go--and for what would you win it? Who were your competitors? Who helped you achieve this remarkable award, and what are you going to do now?

I'll go first. (Black strapless gown with one of those Angelina Jolie slits in it...and a little train because I like having a parade in my wake.)

"OMG! I can't believe I actually won. Wow. Just wow. Thanks...um...yeah, for a writer I sound very articulate, don't I? First I'd like to thank my editor, who I'm sure wishes she could have seen my speech before this moment, and my agent, who is probably wishing the same. I couldn't have done this without the unwavering support of my family and friends--but most especially my Deerhunter, who not only thinks I'm adorable in a bikini and body paint, but that I'm actually good enough at writing to make a living at it. Bless his heart. You were right, baby. I hope you taped this because that's the only time you're hearing those words.When I look at the other writers in this category--all previous RITA winners and brilliant--I'm just happy my check to the judges cleared." Pause for laughter. "I'm totally kidding. They only take cash. I also need to give a shout out to my mates and crew on the Romance Writer's Revenge--without your support, stashes of rum, and constant kicks in the backside, I wouldn't be here now. Thank you, everyone."

What I'd probably really say.

"OMG!" Ugly crying and shaking like a chihuahua. "I'm can't believe...I...I...OMG...thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you loved my characters' journeys as much as I did. Thank you for believing in second chances and redemption...and OMGOMGOMG, um, I've forgotten everyone's names. Thank you, everyone! You know who you are...and if I don't know you, thank you too! I love you! I love everyone!"

Fortunately I heard Ben Affleck's speech was a bit more practiced than either of mine. Thank. God. Which is why he's winning the awards, I imagine.

So...if you were given an award: for what would you be receiving the award, whom would you thank, and what would your dress look like? (Let's be honest, that's the reason we're watching. Q, I assume you'll be there in a James Bond-esque tux, so no need to spill the beans about dresses for us, we'll be happy to hear about your great science peace-prize award you'll be getting....)

30 comments:

Maureen said...

"Lords, ladies, members of the crew... I want to thank the rum. Aye, it was the rum, at the beginning, the end and mostly, in the middle when I were stuck and tangled in plot lines.

"Granted, I gots ta thank the many editors I paid ta make sure me grammar was proper and those that taught me how ta use the graphic programs...

"And the crew a' the Romance Writers Revenge, who understood me rantings, (or pretended they could) humored me and allowed me ta ply them wit' rum. Mostly, they didn't laugh at me (where I could see) (mostly 'cause I'd then poison their rum!)

Ta me muse, who sits across the campfire from me, passin' the rum and roasting marshmallows, listenin' ta me spin a tale and offerin' ways ta make it better. (Dependin' on how much rum he's drunk.)

"Ta me tolerant husband, amused family and scandalized distant relatives...

"Let's raise our glasses and toast the man who inspired me...Edgar Rice Burroughs!

...insert Tarzan yell...

Stroll from the stage.

Wearing? Great big black pirate hat, tons of feathers, dark purple velvet pirate coat with big gold buttons and trim, black boots with gold chains and buckles, beadazled corset, pearls, pirate pants...

quantum said...

I would naturally have my speech ready and memorised. It would pretend total surprise at receiving the honour.

Although, as you suggest, I would wear my best 'Bond in the Casino' outfit, I would be sure to have miss-matched socks visible, to emphasise the 'caught out' impression.

The speech would begin "Crumbs! I only came here tonight because I was told that the beer was free..... "

Glad that Daniel Day-Lewis won a gong for his Lincoln .... well deserved!

Marnee Bailey said...

What would I win a prize for....

"Thank you, everyone, for your support these past 20 some odd years while I kept my two wild, energetic boys alive. It's been a trial, I assure you, and there were days they made me wonder if I would make it. Hit or miss sometimes, you know. But, despite numerous attempts to kill themselves, I've managed to thwart them at every turn. And here I stand! More importantly, they still stand! Huzzah for me!"

It doesn't seem like much, I'm sure. But it feels like it some days.

I'll probably be wearing an embroidered sweatshirt and bifocals by then. Epitome of style, you know.

Terri Osburn said...

Kiddo caught some bug over the weekend so we're home sick and I slept in. Did not mean to sleep this long. Haven't read everything yet because I wanted to bring to everyone's attention that today is Hellie's birthday.

Raise the rum and even more reason to put on the fancy dress. Now I need to brush my teeth and I'll be back.

Terri Osburn said...

Chance, you're going to be quite warm in that get up. LOL! At least unbutton the coat a bit! And I am so looking forward to the Tarzan yell.

Q, you are our Sheldon. The rest of the nominees for Lincoln did not do as well, but Daniel brought it home.

Marn, I was going to say for I could get an award for best mom, but compared to raising two rambunctious boys, I see I wouldn't even be in the running!

MsHellion said...

Mo, I totally want to be in the audience when you give that speech...and I may steal your bedazzled corset. Just saying. I like sparkly things. Love it! And the Tarzan yell!! :) Very Carol Burnett!

MsHellion said...

Q, what a glorious plan! Very well done..and you're looking extremely dashing if I may say so! (And I agree: you're our Sheldon. *LOL* And I adore Sheldon.)

I agree: I thought Daniel Day-Lewis's win was well-deserved and wonderful that he won 3 oscars in the same category! Never been done before!! (And he's still young...no telling who else he'll be impersonating and win again!)

MsHellion said...

*LOL* Marn, I love your speech. I was sorta having one of those moments...you know giving an acceptance speech for best cleaned house, which would only happen if I actually cleaned my house. But believe me if I got the house clean AND won an award for it, I'd be a blubbering mess...and also would undoubtedly be wearing bifocals because I will be that old before I actually clean my house in a regular way...

MsHellion said...

Terri, hope you and the kiddo are feeling better! :) And thanks for covering and the shout out since you know me and my sleeping patterns (like that of a bear in winter).

P. Kirby said...

(Forgot that the Oscars were on; went in writing cave and cranked out some emo scenes. Also, haven't seen any of the nominees.)

Hmmm. Dress. I was feeling girly this morning and I went through the red carpet pics over on Yahoo. My style would gravitate toward Halle Berry's dress (sans the shoulder pads), or Sandra Bullock's, or better yet, Selma Hayek's (now that I've got toned arms). Sleek, form-fitting to make up for the fact that I'm short.

I'd then fall on my face on the stairs, Jennifer Lawrence style, and when I reached the podium, stare stupidly into the camera like a deer facing death by eighteen wheeler.

I'd be up there for best original screenplay, with the intention of thanking my wonderful husband, my mom, and doing some serious name dropping, but it would all be in vain, because, hello, stage fright.

Not so good with the speeches.

Terri Osburn said...

I realize I never answered the question. I took a note from Pat and went through the pics from last night. I'd go with something similar to what Octavia Spencer wore. (No sense in pretending I'm rail thin like some of those actresses.)

Since I've been kind of far away dreaming about it lately, I'll say I'd be winning a RITA. A girl can dream, right?

As I have experience with public speaking, I'd like to think I would keep it together, but this kind of thing is a whole other ball game. I'm sure there would be the ugly cry along with utter shock. Thank my editors and agent, and my pirate buddies, of course. Thank Eloisa for creating the bulletin board that introduced me to some of the best people I have in my life and got me on this writing road.

The ugly cry would really come out when I thank kiddo. Especially as in my dreams, she'd be there in the room.

Speaking of, she's passed out downstairs on the couch. No idea what she has but she's miserable. Send antiseptic vibes my way that I don't catch it!

Maureen said...

Happy b-day, Captain! I think that deserves an award all by itself. Q with his mismatched socks, me in my coat, Marn in her bifocals, the girls in the party dress...we baked you a cake!

It's a cyberspace cake, so it's calorie free and can change flavors depending on what you feel like eating!

Rum is flowing like water, and I have the blender out for margaritas!

(And no worries that I'll be too not in my getup when I win my award for the best pirate adventure, ever...I have ice in the pants.)

Maureen said...

Sorry about kiddo, hope it's a fast cold and not my malingering malady.

Terri Osburn said...

Kiddo is sleeping peacefully on the couch and has been all day. Hopefully, she'll wake up a new girl.

Janga said...

Happy Birthday, Hellie! I hope you're having a wonderful day.

My Internet connection has been down all day, and I'm too stressed out from social media withdrawal to imagine winning an award. But I'm sure I'd cry. I even cry when other people win awards. :)

irisheyes said...

Happy Birthday, Hellie!

I can't imagine ever putting myself in a position where I would have to get up in front of a bunch of people and give a speech! Terrifying in the extreme. That being said, if it ever did happen I would like to think I would keep it short and sweet because I know there would be tears and hyperventillating - Thank you from the bottom of my heart and good night.

I was beyond excited that Daniel Day-Lewis won! He definitely deserved it. I was also surprised how much I liked Seth MacFarlane as the host.

Hope kiddo is doing better and you avoid whatever it is she has, Ter. Beef up your Vitamin C!

Terri Osburn said...

Irish, you just broke my heart. How can you STAND Seth MacFarlane? Awful. Just awful.

Maureen said...

I had to laugh when he introduced Meryl Streep by saying she needed no introduction and walking off the stage...

irisheyes said...

LOL Ter. You have no idea!!!! My son watches The Family Guy, or I should say he sneaks watching it when I'm not around to lecture him adnauseum about how inappriopriate and unacceptable I find this type of humor! Until last night I did not know who Seth MacFarlane was. I had no idea he was in fact the genius (and I use the term loosely) behind that show. When I found out (shortly midway through the opening of the show - I know I'm totally out of the loop) I would have made them turn off the Oscars if we weren't guests at a family members home.

So knowing how much I completely detest that show and its creator, it surprised me that the man himself was not grotesquely disfigured with a beard, beer belly, missing front teeth, knuckles dragging on the floor and could talk in coherent sentences and even managed to croon a few songs. THAT'S what I meant. I suppose I should have phrased it differently. I am not a fan. I was just surprised how normal and show bizzy he was.

irisheyes said...

That was funny, Maureen.

Every time he made a joke that was funny and unoffensive I got a see-he's-not-that-bad look from my son. :)

JulieJustJulie said...

Hmm ... What would I get an award for? Well.. Many years ago I was sitting on the floor outside of my daughter's hospital room. I was just sitting there, minding my own business
quietly reading a book . I was just getting to the good part , when I noticed a group of people were headed iny direction. An attending physician was giving a tour of the facilities to a herd of reporters. I knew that the press was there to hear about a new type of surgery. Very exciting stuff that had nothing to do with chemo or cancer. Fully expecting my presence to go unnoticed, I turned my attention back to the book. When ... WTH? The doctor walked up to where I was sitting and said ...
...

JulieJustJulie said...

( here's where the being presented with a major award comes in)
Did I mention that This was a highly respected doctor, at a highly respected Hospital, surrounded by highly respected journalists? Reporters from the National Geographic, Newsweek, Time, . and only God knows who else. ... In other words this wasn't your every day press press. It was
the national, no make that the International press corps.
So there I was. Surrounded by reporters. Sitting on the floor. Reading a book. Dressed in eans, t shirt, and a pair of sneakers. I probably looked like I was skipping school. I'm not a tall person. There's nothing intimidating about me. Heck I got carded until I was 38. And yet that Doubledoctor walked up to me with this crazy grin on his face and said .... " And THIS is our Mother from Hell!" WTH? The reporters looked at me and ... they started to take notes! And and my picture?! DoubleWTH.
Now. it is customary when one receives a major award to give a speech. I believe that mine went something like " OMG what the beep wrong with you people! Have you lost your minds? OMG! He's joking..." Or not... Anyway, I gave my speech then I did what any other person would do in that situation. I open the book, and hid behind it.
in the event that I win another major award , I'm pretty sure my speech would go something like " OMG ! What's wrong with you people? Have you lost your minds? But enough about me, I'm not very interesting. Can we talk about books instead ?"

JulieJustJulie said...

Happy Birthday, Hellion!

JulieJustJulie said...

Happy Birthday, Hellion!

MsHellion said...

Pat, excellent dress choice--and excellent falling strategy because Hugh Jackman rushes to help you up. YES! I would love to win for best original screenplay! :) Very cool.

MsHellion said...

Terri, excellent reminder: I think most of us owe Eloisa for her bulletin board for how we met and found our tribes. :)

MsHellion said...

Mo, I *LOVE* cake! Thanks for the calorie-free options. :)

MsHellion said...

Janga, even if you couldn't imagine winning an award, *I* can totally imagine it. You're a beautiful writer.

MsHellion said...

Irish, short and sweet is always the prudent choice. :) (And Seth MacFarland does look remarkably normal for having such horrific shows! I totally have been imagining him in the knuckle-dragging category.

MsHellion said...

Jules, you definitely have style. Mother From Hell Award followed with the gracious speech of "OMG, what the BLEEP are you BLEEP people thinking? What the BLEEP!"--awesome. I would bust a gut laughing...it'd be so awesome!