Friday, September 28, 2012

Leslie Langtry's Past Life...blah...blah...blah...


So, there's this past analyzer app on facebook, I think it may have come from Hellie - but with my memory, who knows? 

Anyway, you plug in your name and birth date or something and it comes up with your past lives.  I'm sure there's some little supernatural algorithm, or a little leprechaun on a treadmill in my laptop that makes this happen.

As you can see, in my past life, I was a male, born in 1664, in Greenland.  I was a shepherd/horseman/forester who was killed by a tiger...in Greenland.

This appeals to the writer in me, mainly because I wonder how a tiger got all the way to Greenland in 1737, and why I'm a shepherd on a horse, in a forest.  Maybe a pirate had a pet tiger (one that wouldn't eat him, presumably - but would still want to eat me), and he was shipwrecked on the shores of Greenland - although this seems a bit dicey to me because pirates preferred the Caribbean and sunny climes, right?

As we know, Greenland is misnamed, because it's mostly snow and ice, right?  So what was I shepherding...polar bears?  Yetis?  And where did I get the horse?  He could've swum ashore in the shipwreck from the pirate - but wouldn't the tiger/yetis/polar bears eat him long before I found him?

And why would I be shepherding polar bears or yetis?  Isn't 'shepherding' a derivative of 'sheep herding?'  Wouldn't I be a polarbearherd or yetiherd instead?   You herd sheep for their wool and meat.  I guess you could do the same with a polar bear or yeti...but I'd definitely need more than a shepherd's crook to manage them.

No, if I were herding large, scary predators, I'd have some sort of flintlock rifle, right?  I mean, I'd have to defend myself if the bears/yetis ever decided they've had enough of being herded.  But if I had a gun, why wouldn't I use it on the tiger?

You could go crazy thinking about this.  I just might've gone crazy already.

Has anyone else used this app?  What did it say about your past life?

The Assassin


22 comments:

Marnee Bailey said...

Hahaha!!! I can just see you shepherding yetis. LOL!!

I haven't seen this analyzer. But that's hysterical. Greenland, huh? I've heard it's pretty, if you like ice and snow.

TerriOsburn said...

Technically, it says you were born in Greenland but that doesn't mean you STAYED on Greenland. Considering the clime, you probably fled to warmer climes as soon as you could. Like when you were 8.

But I thought the same thing. Where the hell would you find a tiger on Greenland?

I've not seen this app but now I want to. I need a link!

MsHellion said...

Well in 1737, you'd only have one shot in your gun and they weren't the most accurate of things. There was something about the longer the rifle, the more accurate the shot. (At least that's what it seemed to be in the Last of the Mohican movies, right?)

Yes, I've done this app, but already forgot my past life. Again.

I'm also wondering how a tiger made it to Greenland. Unless it was a leftover Saber Toothed Tiger, then that's self explanatory, right?

MsHellion said...

Okay, mine says I was a male born in Wales in 1639--I think this is funny because the first Colley (of our family) who came to America was born in 1680, from Wales, so this past life seems quite probable. For a Facebook App that has no basis in reality. Though this possibly suggests I might be the father of the first Colley who came to America, which makes me a bit of an asshole because according to the stories, the first Colley came because he accidentally killed the town bully in a fist fight and had to be deported (or hang). His father forced him into the fist fight. He didn't want to fight.

TerriOsburn said...

Thanks to Hellie I found the app. I was born in 1664 in the US and died in 1761. So I lived a long time. But I was killed when an elephant ran over me. Proof old people shouldn't go to the circus. But it says I was a writer and dramatist in my former life. Pretty damn accurate for something random.

Maureen said...

Perhaps it was a weretiger who was hoping the yetis would finally end his torment...

Must find this game...

At least you weren't... Unemployed! In Greenland!

Maureen said...

Hmmmm...I lived a fairly long life but was killed by a Rhino. In Labrador...curious. Left me pissed off as I was born angry and hardworking...

TerriOsburn said...

Think of it as being killed by an ugly unicorn.

Maureen said...

Because I was no longer a virgin?

TerriOsburn said...

You said it, not me.

Maureen said...

Well, I was in my 90s...maybe it was a mercy killing. Rhino got my friend Amanda, too. In Germany.

I'm thinking a rogue family of assassin rhinos.

P. Kirby said...

Because I was no longer a virgin?

Well, at least you had some fun before you died.

I'm pretty sure I was Cleopatra, or Napoleon, or somebody famous, because, isn't everyone? ;P

Maureen said...

Think there were many pirates in Labrador? It did say I was a seaman at one point...

No bad seaman jokes, please.

TerriOsburn said...

Maybe the Rhino assassins were the pets of the Bombay family. And I think Les wrote a polkadot Rhino into her Adultery book. Coincidence? I think not.

Every time I see Labrador I think you're talking about a dog.

Leslie Langtry said...

Sorry so late guys - I've been in a meeting all morning. I love your stories - Especially Hellie's being born angry. That's hilarious.

Maureen said...

I thought of that, but how does one get a rhino into a dog?

Maureen said...

How bout it Leslie, did the Bombays own a pet rhino they used for assassinations? Might have gone rogue and developed a taste for it?

TerriOsburn said...

...how does one get a rhino into a dog?

Very carefully.

Leslie Langtry said...

I'm thinking they owned poisonous snakes and spiders. But rhinos are half-blind and easy to anger. It's hard to fit them for a "Princess" collar too.

TerriOsburn said...

A woman I know was charged by a rhino in Africa because she was on her period and the rhino could smell it. She has back problems to this day.

Those rhinos are no joke.

Leslie Langtry said...

Yeah, they just aren't practical.

Maureen said...

They sure get around though...Labrador...Germany...