Friday, April 13, 2012

Texts From Our Undead Monkey

SOMEONE (she knows who she is) on this ship sent us all a link this week to a site where a Brit claims his English bulldog texts him while he's at work. It was brilliant. I wish I'd thought of it.

A thought occurred to me. I wondered what would happen if our Undead Monkey started texting us. Here's what I think Jack would say:

Undead Monkey: Where's the shiny stuff?

Sin: You mean the loot? We're kinda low right now. I'll stop at Loot Be Us on my way home.

Undead Monkey: No shiny stuff?

Sin: The hold is empty. Wait till I get back from the sword store.


Sin: Go ahead.

Undead Monkey: Never mind. I found your great grandmother's jewelry. Have shiny stuff.


Undead Monkey: Whatchya doin? SCREEEEEEEEECH!

Bosun: Quit texting me. I'm working.

Undead Monkey: I'm bored. There's nothing to do here.

Bosun: Not my problem.

Undead Monkey: I've killed myself three times already this morning...nothing to DO!!!

Bosun: If you don't knock it off, I'LL kill you.

Undead Monkey: B-O-R-E-D!


Undead Monkey: The rum's gone.

Hellion: The rum's gone?

Undead Monkey: Yesssh, the rum's gone byebye.

Hellion: Why is the rum gone?

Undead Monkey: The room ish schpinninging. I feel mrylsp...


Undead Monkey: nno. chanccccee ddid it. and shhhhe ssshot yur mirror wiithh yur pistoll.

ALRIGHT - your turn. What does the Undead Monkey text to you?
The Assassin


MsHellion said...

That would be one dead monkey if he drank my rum.

UNDEAD MONKEY: I found a shiny knife!
ASSASSIN: Jack, what are you doing in my room?
UNDEAD MONKEY: It was just laying here, abandoned. It is mine now.
UNDEAD MONKEY: I'm humping your pillow to let you know I was here.

Leslie Langtry said...

LOL! Leave it to Hellion to out Undead Monkey Text me!

TerriOsburn said...

OMG! I love this. I was reading the dog ones to kiddo the other night and we couldn't stop laughing.

UNDEAD MONKEY: Your cats are fat.
BOSUN: What are you doing in my house?
UNDEAD MONKEY: Gunny is cleaning the ship. She told me to go somewhere else.
BOSUN: So you went to my house?
UNDEAD MONKEY: She said it was the only place as dirty as the ship so I'd feel at home here.
UNDEAD MONKEY: She was right. This place is awesome. You know you have boxes of shitty sand here??

Donna Cummings said...

UNDEAD MONKEY: This is hilarious. They think I can text.
DRD: Shh! Don't spoil the fun. Just type what I tell you.
UNDEAD MONKEY: I don't know HOW to type. I'm a monkey. That's undead.
DRD: Yeesh. Excuses, excuses. Here, I'll put some banana on the keys I want you to touch. AND DON'T LICK THE SCREEN. . .*sigh* Okay, let's start over.

Leslie Langtry said...

I knew this would be fun. I didn't know I'd spit green tea on my monitor.

TerriOsburn said...

You of all people should know better. *tosses one of Chance's Shamwows*

MsHellion said...

UNDEAD MONKEY: Don't worry, Bo'sun, I've unpacked your shitty sand to various places around your house. You're welcome.


UNDEAD MONKEY: I also buggered your cat.

BOSUN: I'm sending the police. No! I'm sending Sin!

UNDEAD MONKEY: Tell her to knock twice. I might be busy with the pretty little dog. Hey there...

BOSUN: I'm changing the locks this weekend.

UNDEAD MONKEY: I left some sand in your bed. You're welcome.

TerriOsburn said...

Is it bad that I now have the urge to race home and make sure Macie is okay? (Not worried about the cats. The cats can take care of themselves.)

TerriOsburn said...


MsHellion said...

I know I am. *LOL*

Maureen said...

Undead Monkey: I want to come to Chicago. Win Mr Undead Cover models

I told you the aren't doing that anymore.

UD: I'll win.

Don't come they don't do it anymore.

UD; are those glass elevators?


UD: I like glass elevators.

I'm moving to another hotel.

Leslie Langtry said...

Hilarious Donna! And Hellion - I love the part about the "sand" on the bed.

Marnee Bailey said...

UM: You guys are heartless.

Me: I'm pretty sure only a few of us are heartless. But why?

UM: Who put the gold at the bottom of that liquor bottle?

Me: You mean the Goldshlager? It comes like that.

UM: You lie. Only you guys would make someone drink all that cinnamon crap just to get to little bit of gold

Me: I swear, it comes like that.

UM: I'm going to be sick.

Me: You drank it all?

UM: There was gold!

Me: It's hardly any gold!

UM: I know! That's why you guys suck. But I'm better now.

Me: WTF! How'd you get behind the bar anyway?

UM: Chance is in Chicago. Good thing since I just upchucked in her hammock.

TerriOsburn said...


Sin said...

LOL since the Undead Monkey texts me frequently (and the Assassin even got us right) no need for me to text the Undead Monkey.

Bwhahaaha.. but DRD on the other hand-

Undead Monkey: I leave you shinies on your hammock.
DRD: You left me three banana peels and five bloody eyeballs.
Undead Monkey: You like the eyeballs?
DRD: Do I want to even know where the sixth one is?
Undead Monkey: In my mouth.
DRD: Ugh. Go pester Sin.


Dear DRD,

I heart you.



Evil Twin

Sin said...

Me: WTF! How'd you get behind the bar anyway?

UM: Chance is in Chicago. Good thing since I just upchucked in her hammock.

Bwhahahaha Awesome.

Sin said...

BOSUN: I'm sending the police. No! I'm sending Sin!

UNDEAD MONKEY: Tell her to knock twice. I might be busy with the pretty little dog. Hey there...

Ugh... my eyes. My eyes!

TerriOsburn said...

My dog! My dog!!

Marnee Bailey said...

One of these days, someone's going to require an intervention on this ship.

MsHellion said...

I suggest the first intervention be on the undead monkey.

Sin said...

Might I suggest cutting off his hands and feet and throwing him overboard? That should do the trick.

Marnee Bailey said...

I said intervention. Not extermination.

Sin said...

Po-tato, Potah-to, whatever. Same difference.

Joan said...

Undead Monkey: What? What you doing strange cat?
Grayson: Taking you to my vet.
Undead Monkey: No! No! I'll be good!
(Grayson shakes head): Not my problem. Hired by that pretty GH finalist. She said get you the same treatment I got this week....for constipation
Undead Monkey: Screeeeeech!
Grayson (with evil smile) So, you've been there before?

TerriOsburn said...

Grayson gets an extra treat for that one!