Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Dead Earwigs and Deleted Scenes

There were a few scenes that got deleted from the final cut of Love is a Battlefield, many of which were near and dear to my heart. I imagine this is a common occurrence for authors, so I suppose I’ll have to suck it up and get used to it.


It’s hard, though. Mostly because one scene in particular—the DEAD EARWIG scene—is something that needs to be said. Equal parts cautionary tale and personal horror story, this is one narrative I simply can’t let die.


Unlike the earwig.


It needed to die.


Consider, if you will, a city in which creepy bugs aren’t a real problem. The weather here in the Inland Northwest is such that scorpions, giant-ass beetles, those huge, hairy Brazilian spiders, and other horrors of the insect world can’t survive the winters. So instead, we have a handful of mostly harmless spiders, seasonal ticks and bees, and….EARWIGS.


They love it here. They love to climb in all the dank, warm places that exist in the summer, continuing on in the winter pretty much underneath my house and nowhere else. They ravage my corn crops (okay, I had a total of four stalks and they grew about two feet, but still), and sneak up the drains so that you can’t take a bath without one of those suckers joining you for a swim.


In short, they’re everywhere.


In said deleted scene, my heroine awoke from a camping excursion only to stumble to the bathroom. Inside, she set about to do her normal business, as heroines so rarely do. But as she pulled down her underwear, she noticed something strange inside (the underwear, not her).


IT WAS AN EARWIG. Inside her underwear. Previously nestled right against her womanly core, soon to be killed and flung across the bathroom with all manner of screams and crazy dancing.


That woman, dear reader, was once me.


There are several explanations for this episode, none of which have done much in the way of providing long-term comfort.


a)      My best friend suggests that the earwig was dead and inside the underwear BEFORE I put them on. Perhaps that wily little guy was inside my clothes drawer, snuggled up inside my favorite panties, and died of natural causes. And then I somehow put them on without noticing.


b)      One alternate option is that throughout the course of my day, the earwig fell down my shirt or pants, made its way to my underwear, and then died in situ. I don’t want to know how long it might have been alive until that happened.


c)      There is also a chance that the earwig fell from above while I was in the bathroom, landed in said underwear, and then died as I tossed it across the room. I know this scenario isn’t very realistic, people, but it’s how I sleep at night.


Even though the scene didn’t make it into the book, I feel it would be a crime to let this important public service announcement go unheard. Like my heroine, I find strength in forcing myself to move outside my comfort zone and in fighting for what’s right.


Learn from me, world. Always check your underwear before you put it on. And if you do find an earwig in there, know that you are not alone and that I fully sanction its execution.


* * *


About Love is a Battlefield


It takes a real man to wear a kilt. And a real woman to charm him out of it.

It might be modern times, but Kate Simmons isn’t willing to live a life without at least the illusion of the perfect English romance. A proud member of the Jane Austen Regency Re-Enactment Society, Kate fulfills her passion for courtliness and high-waisted gowns in the company of a few women who share her love of all things heaving.

Then she encounters Julian Wallace, a professional Highland Games athlete who could have stepped right off the covers of her favorite novels. He’s everything brooding, masculine, and, well, heaving. The perfect example of a man who knows just how to wear his high sense of honor—and his kilt.

Confronted with a beautiful woman with a tongue as sharp as his sgian dubh, Julian and his band of merry men aren’t about to simply step aside and let Kate and her gaggle of tea-sippers use his land for their annual convention. Never mind that “his land” is a state park—Julian was here first, and he never backs down from a challenge.

Unless that challenge is a woman unafraid to fight for what she wants...and whose wants are suddenly the only thing he can think about.

Warning: The historical re-enactments in this story contain very little actual history. Battle chess and ninja stars may apply.

About Tamara Morgan


Tamara Morgan is a romance writer and unabashed lover of historical reenactments—the more elaborate and geeky the costume requirements, the better. In her quest for modern-day history and intrigue, she has taken fencing classes, forced her child into Highland dancing, and, of course, journeyed annually to the local Renaissance Fair. These feats are matched by a universal love of men in tights, of both the superhero and codpiece variety.


You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads.



2nd Chance said...

This be a woman after me own heart! Renaissance Faires! I do those! SCA Events...I used to do those!
Pirate Faires - I do those!

And what exactly is a sgian dubh?

Earwigs...gods...for me, it's pill bugs. Everywhere. I actually encourage spiders to live in the corners of my house...to ear pill bugs.

Welcome ta the Revenge! Our remodelin' be takin' longer than we anticipated...no doubt due ta our own Cp. Jack gamblin' wit' the movin' funds. But I'm sure Hellion will see him pay 'em back, wit' interest!

Quantum said...

Reminds me of a scene from 'Crocodile Dundee':

After Mick Dundee saves the American reporter from the jaws of a crocodile she gasps "that croc was going to eat me alive"
Mick replies "Can't blame him for that. Same thought crossed my mind a time or two!"

The earwig just fancied a warm furry cuddle! LOL

This scene has totally distracted me from the book under discussion.

Glad everything is back to normal. :)

Marnee Bailey said...

Oh god. Earwigs. I hate those little devils, with their weird little antennae. Poor you. I had extreme (EXTREME) sympathy for you in this post. While I never found one in my drawers, I did find one in a (half-eaten) sandwich once. I choose to think he was alone, not traveling with friends. Because when I found him he WAS alone in what I hope was a lone, suicide mission.

Congrats on the release!

Scapegoat said...

Okay I'm going to have nightmares over that earwig story!

Love the idea of these two groups battling it out and the hero and heroine sound like fun!

Did you have fun doing the research for this book?

Bosun said...

Oh. My. Dog. I have a serious phobia about bugs and this is going to have me itching all day. *shivers* Holy bejeebers!

I've been waiting forever for this book! LOL! Okay, you've probably been waiting a bit longer so see your baby on the shelves. Congratulations on what I know is going to be an amazingly successful debut. I must download this tonight. It came through in my Samhain newsletter last night and I still forgot to download it. Dang it!

Now where exactly is this you live again? I want to make sure I never move there. *more shivers*

Hellion said...

sgian dubh

Black knife/black dagger. Don't you read any Scottish books? Men with weapons. You have to love them.

I'm laughing hysterically at the bug story except then I was like, "What if it had been a snake? Who'd be laughing then?"

I grew up in a farm house, so I've woken up with spiders, bugs, and mice crawling across me. But snakes? I lose my ever-lovin' mind.

I love the premise of this book. It contains all the elements of a hilarious read. Must. Find. Now.

Do you go to a lot of historical re-enactments? Do you belong to any Jane clubs? What is one of your favorite scenes that actually got to stay in the book? :)

Bosun said...

I haven't read a Scotish book in forever, but I probably wouldn't have known what that was if I had. LOL! I looked it up to find out how to pronounce it. Nothing like how it's spelled. Should have known.

Hellion said...

This is from all my scots reading back in the early days. *dreamy look* The Julie Garwoods...and I think Teresa Medeiros made mention of a black knife or two. I'm sure Outlander mentions them heavily but never read that series. (I know, not a true romantic OR a scots reader with that admission.)

Yeah, I have no hope of ever speaking Gaelic. *LOL*

Hellion said...

BTW, totally cracking up at Q's nearly scandalous comments!

Bosun said...

I'm trying to ignore the "furry cuddle" bit. LOL!

Tamara Morgan said...

@scapegoat It was a lot of fun researching this book! It required me to go to the Scottish Highland Games and ogle men in kilts. (It's a tough job, but someone has to do it...)

@bo'sun I live in the Inland Northwest (the non-Seattle side of Washington state), and earwigs seem to be pretty popular here but not many other places.

@hellion My annual re-enactment outings include a Civil War battle, a Renaissance Fair, and the Scottish Highland Games. (I don't participate, mind you. Just show up and gawk.) I haven't been able to find a Jane Austen one yet...but I have high hopes for the future. ;)

As far as favorite scenes that *did* make the cut...hmmm. Definitely the live action battle chess one.

...also, I intend to conveniently ignore any and all references to furry cuddles. This is my solemn vow.

P. Kirby said...

Hey, you guys are back! :)

I don't think we have earwigs out here in the desert. Must be too dry for them. Instead, we have six-inch long centipedes that like to hide in your shoes.

I put my cut scenes and chapters in a "scraps" file. Sometimes, if I'm totally in love with a bit of dialogue, description, etc., I can use it later. In a couple of cases, I posted the cut scenes on my web page as "outtakes."

Love is a Battlefields sounds like loads of fun!

Bosun said...

Stop talking about bugs! OMG! I'm going to be squirming and itching and checking my panties and shoes for a week! LOL!

Though I'm more likely to find a hairball in one of my shoes. If the dog doesn't eat the shoe first...

Every year I say I'm going to the Highland Games in Richmond and EVERY YEAR it rains. POURS! So I don't go, since it's like a 2 hour drive one way. But I will get to them. Someday!!!

Bosun said...

Pat - We're back in the old location because of a little snafu. Or two. Okay, every stinking step of this reno has been a freaking hassle. But Friday things should look different.

Fingers crossed.

And they have actual Jane Austen re-enactments? Really? I could rock that empire waist look...

2nd Chance said...

No, sorry. I don't read much in the Scottish historical stuff so that I'd know what that word was. I did KNOW it wasn't pronounced anything like how it was written. Irish Gaelic is the same way...throw in a dozen odd consonants and vowels, then don't sound them out...

I bet there is a re-ennactment group for just about everything!

Hellion said...

That's too bad. The Scottish history stuff is always grand. They're always up for a good war--and it's always for things like FREEDOM and the LITTLE GUY--so it's pretty easy to support. *LOL* Then there are the outcasts and the double-dealing and the abject poverty...it's like a contemporary American novel but set in Scotland.

Sorry, been reading the political blurbs again. I don't know if I can handle this another 8 months. Sometimes I think there are advantages to not having the internet or immediate news. Puts a damper on finding out when the newest books are coming out, but for the other stuff, you'd probably be a lot happier.

Hellion said...

I've missed the ship--I hope we all get back in the swing of partying again. :)

Hellion said...

And I so want to go to an Austen re-enactment...something with an Almack's...and some falsified dukes to make us all feel better. And there has to be at least one Tom Collins (his name was Tom Collins, wasn't it?, or did we never know his first name??) to avoid like the plague. We could tweet the latest...a nice mish-mash of modern and old.

2nd Chance said...

Hellion, I bet there are re-ennactments...google it!

I've missed the ship, too! I'm looking forward ta the new digs, though it's blogger...I don't know blogger! Eeek!

Politics...gag! I've read a little bit of Scottish stuff...Jennifer Ashley's stuff...but not much. I'd like to read more American historical stuff, honestly!

Bosun said...

I found a Jane Austen Society of North America and they have a whole festival with a BALL in Louisville, KY. I'm sure they have them in other places too. There's a chapter about three hours from me!

Chance - Look for some classic Nan Ryan books. Oh, or Dorothy Garlock. Hers are more frontier settings, but amazing and there are a million of them. Elizabeth Lowell has some good American set Historicals as well. Only Love, Only You, and one other Only book. Awesome trilogy. There are a ton more, of course. I could probably send you a couple.

JulieJustJulie said...

OooohMyyyyGawdddddd! Bugs in your drawers? And I don't mean dresser. I may never wear underwear Again!