Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Fair Book!

With special guest David Tutera

***Opening scene. Chance sits as her bar, hand shaking slightly as she lifts her personalized Trenti sized iced American cup to her lips. This book was proving difficult. It’s why she called in the event planner of the decade in to help her out.

***Okay, she actually kidnapped him.


Glancing up, she sees Barbossa hauling the blindfolded man toward the bar. He grimaces at her and leans close. “If’n ya needed a dandy ya could a’ asked me. I wouldn’t tied up Sparra for ye.”

She smiled. “Ya give me the nicest presents, but no…I need this one. Thanks, anyway.”

Taking David’s bound hands in hers, she cuts him free and guides him to a stool at the bar. “Let me get that…” She slips the blindfold away and tucks the dark hair back into place.

The famous wedding planner swallows nervously before taking the tankard she hands him.

“Here, this will make it better.”

“I…uh…normally take appointments at my office…but your…” He glances up at Barbossa, then shudders. “Fiancé insisted I had to come to you.” He takes a sip of the drink, coughs, but bravely takes another.  “There’s actually a process to apply for the show…”

Chance shrugs. “I know, I know, but I didn’t have the time and besides, I’m not getting married. I actually asked Barbossa there to bring ya here to ask fer advice on how ta organize the book I be workin’ on. Ya see, I recently saw ya take a bride’s dream of a pirate wedding and … smooth it over.”

“Oh. The pirate wedding. Well, that was pretty absurd…” David’s eyes flash over to Barbossa, who is snarling at him.

Chance reaches over and pats his hand, “Don’t worry. He don’t bite. But here aboard the Revenge, we likes it over the top and bit absurd. I, fer one, should I ever marry…” She lifts an eyebrow at her suitor. “Will want a Caribbean blow out, complete with Kraken rides, gold coins fer everyone and a chocolate fountain… pearls, waltzin’…” Her eyes go a bit dreamy.

“Ahem. Yes. Well, I’m sure I could do something for you. There is a form on the website…” David attempts to slide off the stool. “And I’m sure I could put your name at the top of the line…”

Barbossa steps to the gangplank and blocks David’s exit.

Chance taps the bar. “I’ll keep that in mind. Right now, I want ta talk about how much plot is too much plot fer me newest book. It’s called The Pirate Circus and I gots me main romantic couple, Janey and Daniel. She’s a pirate, he’s a brewmaster.”

“A brewmaster? What does he brew?” David has no choice but to return to the stool, Barbossa nonchalantly polishing the brass on his pistol, standing at the wedding planner’s back.

“Beer, ale…whisky…he’s a bit of a virtuoso of brewing. Now, he has a son and a niece who ran off with the pirate circus…”

“Wait. A circus and pirates? And a brewer?” David begins to look panicked.

“Yes. And an evil circus ringleader, a black magic sex change spell, and the original couple from my first book, Emily and Alan. Oh, and a bunch of young Krakens. I think I’m gonna have a climax involving a volcanic explosion… and a cat eating panther.”

“A volcano?” David’s voice rises to a pitch that makes Barbossa wince.

Chance glances at him. “Too much?”

David blinks rapidly, and wipes at his forehead with a cocktail napkin. “Well… Yes. First off, you have to get rid of the kraken, they’re slimy and slime just isn’t romant…” The well-known wedding planner’s eyes roll up in the back of his head and then he falls forward.

Barbossa looks at her innocently, and shifts his grip on his pistol. “Ya heard him! Get rid a’ the kraken? It’s balderdash! Ya’ll thank me later!”

Chance sighs, grabs some ice and bundles it in a napkin. Balancing the bundle on the rapidly growing bump on David’s head, she sighs.

He was right. She’d done it before, written herself into a plot tangle and someone found her way out again. She’d do it. She stroked David’s hair…she did like his show. Even if he did diss the pirate theme…


Yup, I’m in the middle of another plot knot. But I’m getting there and have greased the line so that I’m sliding down to the finish with speed… If I don’t run out of line and crash into the deck before the end of the month! I enjoy David’s show…and thought he’d be a fun guest… Unfortunately he’s better at wedding planning than plot planning. I should have known better!

If you could have David plan, or replan, anything about your wedding, eventual wedding, dream wedding,  what would it be? Or your plot…or the wedding of your characters…or what would the theme be of your dream wedding? And to be fair…he usually does make things better. Check it out! My Fair Wedding


Oh, yeah…still searching for the Kraken…entries are taken here! ;-)


Donna said...

Chance, I'm laughing at Barbossa's method of getting someone to be quiet. LOL That could come in handy!

And I've never thought too much of a dream wedding--I was always more interested in the honeymoon. :)

I'm in the middle of revising the second half of a book, so I sympathize with your "plot knots". I haven't hit "Heartbreak Ridge" just yet, but I know it's out there. LOL

What makes you feel like you've got too much plot? Not enough time, or word count, to finish it all?

Fingers crossed for you!

Marnee said...

I confess that I've never watched this show. I don't like reality TV, not any of it. So I actually don't even know who this guy is.

And, I'm one of those folks who's completely happy with the way my wedding went. It was a whole weekend party. We had a barbecue Thursday, the rehearsal dinner and drinking all night on Friday, the wedding Saturday, and a brunch after on Sunday. I loved my dress, the food, the decorations/color. It was a great great weekend. One thing I do wish, if I could time travel, is to hire a videographer. My father passed two months after the wedding and I'd give anything now to have the event on film, maybe to see him again.

But that's not a planning thing.

This David fellow is pretty to look at though, huh?

Any luck in the Kraken search?

Scapegoat said...

I wouldn't have changed a thing about my wedding, but I do like the show. I've only caught a couple of episodes but he does keep some brides from making some horrible decisions. Usually on dresses and decorations. :)

I'm going with the same answer I put on your blog - The kraken is obviously off modeling for that new book cover you revealed! He's a full time cover model these days and living the high life traveling the world. I wouldn't put it past him to be in Cannes looking into a movie role!

Bosun said...

Could I switch out the groom? That would have made the event (and everything after) way better. (Yes, I know I got Kiddo out of the deal and I would not trade her for the world, but still...)

Haven't watched this show, which is good for me since I watch a ton of other reality crap. (Can I just say, no need to watch the Idol finale. What a crock.) Since I'm the opposite of you, usually have way too little plot, I've no idea how to help on this issue.

Talking it through would be my best advice. For some reason, ideas pop up out of nowhere when you start talking about the situation you've created.

Hellion said...

I'm not sure I care much for David. Dissing the pirate wedding like that.

Hit him again, Barbossa!!!

I had my previous couple get married on the beach. Lucy and Elizabeth had a church wedding, with God officiating. Hard to top that one. And A&E aren't having a wedding, necessarily, but if they did, I'd imagine they'd have a wedding in a garden. Clothing may or may not be optional, I'm not sure.

And if I got married? Beach wedding somewhere, I imagine. I want the big fluffy dress though. I'm a traditional pirate.

2nd Chance said...

Donna - I generally feel this way about now, to be truthful. Just when it feels like it should be growing simple, it's getting more complex. Somehow, I'm guessing that actually, things should get more complex as one falls toward a nice black pit of despair...but I always feel like I'm getting too mucked up.

And yup, Hector, he be a direct man!

2nd Chance said...

Marn - I'm not a massive wedding show person, but it is fascinating to watch David take a theme that is looking really chintzy and class it up. I don't always like what he comes up with - the pirate theme could have been much more pirate - but he really rescues some of these weddings.

From a backyard reception on a concrete patio with lawn chairs to a country club with a sit down meal... Granted, it's all too grand for my tastes, but it's an interesting show. No contestants, etc.

David is quite pretty... And it is amazing the places the Kraken has visited! I had no idea the various careers he was suited for!

Crossing guard? Traffic cop? Tentacle model? Shuttle pilot? Elvis impersonator? It boggles the mind!

2nd Chance said...

Scape - A movie role!? Gods, I'll never lure him back!

Honestly, I would change a few things about my wedding...not much, but a few. What is more fun is to consider what David would have changed. I know the bridesmaid's dresses would have been different. Maybe my dress...not the church. The reception venue? Probably... As for a theme? I had no theme! I got married 31 years ago on the 31st...who the hell had theme weddings then?

No, I'd love him to do an anniversary party and vow renewal...but I'd stick tough to the pirate theme... ;-) Total pirate

2nd Chance said...

Bo'sun - Maybe the next wedding...when you hitch up with the cop with the Irish brogue (had to see Bridesmaids to get that) you can do it better!

I'm feeling a bit cocky right now about the tangle I've come up with. I'm a little nervous about creating that perfect cats cradle, but I think it's gonna be fine. It's just very, very rough at this point!

Sorry about the Idol disappointment. If you want to just watch a bride have kittens as David takes things way over the top, then find one of the marathon shows... New season starts in June and he's going to do a goth wedding. I can't wait to see that! Black wedding dress? Coooooool!

2nd Chance said...

Hellion - Big poofy dress...I'm trying to imagine this... Actually, better than a mermaid dress! I love the traditional ball gown style myself.

David nearly always disses the theme, but usually incorporates more of it in the final than he did the pirate wedding. He got the opulence right, and he did get the bride over a quarter of a million worth of jewelry to wear (I'd so steal those gems!) which was interesting considering they were pirate fans.

Seemed risky.

A beach wedding I could see. We have a bluff here at La Selva that has weddings booked all summer and fall... Best of the view without sand in the shoes.

Bosun said...

I'd love to get married on the water but hate sand. If the day ever comes *thunder echoes over ship* I'm going to need more info on that bluff.

Though, a wedding at Biltmore in Ashville, NC would be on my list as well. I bet David would have a blast planning something there.

2nd Chance said...

Anyplace with Biltmore in the title sounds like the sort of place he'd go for.

Now, I'd love to get married on a period pirate ship. If David really loved me, he'd make it least a period tall ship. I wonder if they do weddings on the Star of India in San Diego? Or the Surprise is down there, the ship from Master and Commander (but it's a bit small). Lady Washington is here and there on the west coast (the ship Jack and Will stole in Pirates of the Caribbean).

Hellion said...

The INTERCEPTOR is actually called LADY WASHINGTON? Interesting. (Though I loved the name of the ship in the movie. *LOL*)

2nd Chance said...

Yup, she's the official tall ship of the State of Washington. ;-)

She sails around San Francisco now and then. Used to be down with the Surprise and the Star of India in San Diego.

P. Kirby said...

Hubby and I tied the knot in Vegas. Pretty standard ceremony in a standard chapel. After the fact, I thought it would have been fun to have an Elvis wedding or maybe something medieval over at Excalibur.

However, I hated Las Vegas (noisy, too many people), so a do-over is unlikely.

I can totally relate to the plot-knot problem. Still battling one in the sequel to TMOC. Every time I think I've got it figured out, another complication arises.

2nd Chance said...

It's one of those things, Pat. Complications are good...until they aren't. It's dancing that fine line between that point and for me, generally, I need to spin at that place for a few weeks. I don't have a few weeks to do it this time, so I have to force that next step and hope it works out.

I was in Vegas for a weekend a bunch of summers ago, when Excalibur was new...and I remember how hot and noisy it was...

The "idea" of Vegas often seems better than the reality.

I think a do-over of my wedding, in the form of a huge anniversary party would be a blast. Maybe for our 35th...

Janga said...

I'm another who's not a fan of reality TV. To be honest, I probably don't average six hours of TV viewing in a month, if I don't count streaming Netflix.

I love weddings--large and small. I've attended everything from a wedding with ten people in a pastor's study to a church wedding with 16 bridesmaids and a dinner reception, with brides from 17 to 72. Most of them have lovely moments. I particularly love all the little things that go wrong. I've seen everything from a fire to tipsy Baptist old ladies to a groomsmen who refused to remove his sunglasses to a father of the bride who wept copiously throughout the ceremony.

BTW, I heard that the Kraken had been sighted at writers retreat in a luxury water front cottage in North Topsail Beach, NC. The rumor is that he's working on his autobiography.

2nd Chance said...

His autobiography!? That cephalapod's head is going to get to big to fit on a book at this rate! ;-) (Thanks to Posieden all I need is a tentacle!)

After seeing Bridesmaids I found myself thinking how long it had been since I've been to a wedding... More then ten years?

True, something always goes wrong and those are often the most memorable moments. At mine, the priest said Steven instead of Stephen in our vows. I repeated them saying Stephen... and a gust of wind through a side door blew my veil over to a pew and it caught on something, nearly jerked me to a standstill as I walked up the aisle.

Those are the things I remember! And the man of honor, who wasn't Catholic, tried to shake the priests hand as he blessed the rings... ;-)

Bosun said...

Janga - I can't remember the last time I attended a wedding. I love them, but I never know anyone who gets married. I have younger cousins who are constantly having weddings, but they're never close enough for me to attend.

Bosun said...

A bee somehow got in the church during my wedding and proceeded to buzz around my head as the priest was talking. The thing finally landed on the little kneeler thing in front of me and the priest smooshed him with the prayer book. Never missed a beat.

I felt bad for the bee, but perhaps he was blessed as he died?

2nd Chance said...

The pastor killed a bee during your wedding...well, no wonder if failed! Blame the pastor! No, I's not his fault.

But to slam a bee with a prayer book in the middle of a ceremony? Wow. Hindus everywhere are screaming...

Bosun said...

I know! I didn't like that priest. I donated my somewhat expensive flower arrangements to the church as payment, and he actually walked up to my mother and demanded $50 for his services. So much for that vow of poverty.

Someone later said, "Maybe it was your grandmother letting you know she was there." After he smooshed it, I certainly hope not.

2nd Chance said...

I mean...a bee? I know they can be a little scary, but they are also sorta cute and most cultures consider them really good luck!

Demanded $50? Man, karma gonna smack him down! Hopefully, already has!

Well, I thought of going to the early showing of On Stranger Tides, but think I'll wait and go with the DH... I do need to get some writing done. I left Silvestri about ready to find the injured Emily and Janey sitting in the brig while Daniel slaves over a hot galley stove... Jimmy is tied up and Lee is enamored of a nice buxom quartermaster...

Bosun said...

You should be a professional juggler.

2nd Chance said...

Those guys alwasy amazed me!

Hellion said...

I have my ticket to see the movie tomorrow afternoon. Woot! *LOL*

2nd Chance said...

I thought of doing the midnight showing last night, but last time we did the film melted before the climax so I thought I better wait... Looking forward to seeing it tomorrow...

2nd Chance said...

Well, must get the dog out and take my customery position at my local Starbucks...

Amanda Woodward said...

EEEEWWWW no weddings for me thank you!!!!
I don't watch TV except for sports and Anthony Bourdain, LOL.
I got word that the Kraken has taken up the position as sushi chef this weekend. It's an all you can eat buffet to him. Don't think he'll be there long though I hear the owner is tearing at his hair at the loss in inventory.

2nd Chance said...

I swear, Krakey is cutting a mean path through the food industry! ;-)

Marnee said...

I’m another who’s not a fan of reality TV. To be honest, I probably don’t average six hours of TV viewing in a month, if I don’t count streaming Netflix.

I think Janga and I watch the same amount of TV. Though I do routinely block out episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Go Diego Go.

PS, the Kraken leads a way more adventurous life than me. I'm almost jealous. *yawn* Nah.... I'm too tired for all that flitting about the globe right now. In years to come, yes. Now? All I want is a nap.

2nd Chance said...

I don't know, Marn. Mayhaps the Kraken could help ya control the boys...

2nd Chance said...

Chance approaches the recovering TV celebrity. David groans and holds up a hand.

*Is he going to hit me again?

*Probably not.

She slides up next to him and pulls out a photograph. *So, this is a picture of me alter ego when she got married. Would ya change this dress?

The look on her face caused the host to express his honest opinion.

A few moments later his head hits the bar again. Chance studied the photo as she sets the heavy glass tankard back onto the bar.

*Idiot don't know what he's talking about... This is pretty!

Saunters away...

2nd Chance said...

I fear no matter if I do win the lottery, David is never going to take me on as a client for that anniversary blow out I want to have...

Marnee said...

There are days I'd give anything for the Kraken's numerous arms.


Anniversary blow out? I hope my invitation makes it into the mail. Will there be cutlasses and eye patches?

2nd Chance said...

Yup! Kraken rides...if he makes it back from his world tour in time! And chocolate fondue with marshmallows and grahams crackers... Party favors will be strings of pearls. Jimmy Buffet is coming back...if the pirates I hired can 'convince' him to come... A tower of rum kegs...warm sand, frothy waves, soaring palm trees... a Caribbean party for the ages!