Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Imagine a Parody Wednesday

Not sure if you've been watching the news or anything, but we're getting our butts kicked by some wicked winter weather. In fact, the University where I work actually closed the campus, which NEVER happens. I mean, never. Sin wrote me on Monday afternoon, swamped with her office phone ringing off the hook with panicky pre-storm clients, and asked me to cover her blog today.  I figure since it's a snow day, it's a good time for all us writers to bundle up in our warmest pjs and socks and sit and write. And to help us with that endeavor, I've composed a little parody for you guys.

Here goes:

Imagine there’re no Critics
It’s easy if you try,
No nay-say in your mornings,
No comments when you write
Imagine all the writers
Writing the day away

Imagine there’re no rejections
I know it’s hard to do
Agents lined up to buy your book
And Editors too
Imagine all the readers
Getting to read you in print

You may say I’m a pirate,
But I’m not the only one.
Come on deck here and join us
And the writing world will be one.

Imagine no writer’s block
I wonder if you can
No need for panic or despair,
A piratehood who understands.
Imagine all the people
Reading and writing so free—

You may say I’m a pirate,
But I’m not the only one.
Come on deck here and join us
And the writing world will be one.

Ooh, I see my formatting is going to be good times, but I'm not messing with it. I am too busy enjoying my snow day, bundled and trying to stay as warm as possible.

If you're in the path of this storm, please be careful and stay safe, and if you don't need to go out, don't. If you're not in the path of this storm and are instead somewhere warmer and more hospitable, I don't want to hear about it. I get enough of it from Bo'sun. And Deerhunter. "I'm cold, it's only 68 here." Oh, shut up.

With two days of partying, let's see if we can check in today with progress about our latest projects (whatever those might be): writing, crafting, cooking, sex, whatever--brag about it here. How are these forced snow days helping your projects?


2nd Chance said...

*biting lip till it bleeds

Will not mention my weather. Will not mention my weather!

Deep breath. Okay. I just read for what seems like the millionth time, The Kraken's Mirror... Last chance to make corrections, fiddle with it, etc...before it goes to the print side of things!

Wow. Found a lot of little things and so glad I did this! I was so tired and almost passed on a final look see.

And I bet I still missed a few things! A book is never finished. It's just set free.

(If you see these bobbles when you read the e-edition, I don't want to hear about it... Trust me, I know! We did our best! Forgive me!)

Tomorrow...errrr...today, I'm taking the day off and going shopping. Everyone stay safe and warm!

Quantum said...

'Don't mention the weather!'

Reminds me of John Cleese playing Basil Fawlty, the proprietor of a seaside hotel 'Fawlty Towers'.
When some German tourists come to stay he is constantly whispering to the staff 'Don't mention the war'. Of course the visitors are aware of it and the inevitable explosion follows in typical Fawlty Towers style! :lol:

Helli you can't tell English people not to mention the weather .... we talk of little else!

Anyway,I hope that storm blows itself out quickly ..... and that you have been prudent enough to learn skiing.

Please don't get yourself buried in snow ..... cus I'll miss you!

Hal said...

Oh, and awesome parody!

Hal said...

No snow days here. Though we do have gross rain, does that count? Who all is in the mid-west? How much did you get up getting? I heard my parents got 20 inches, but that was last night (they're a couple hours south of you, Helli).

I've been working on revisions slowly, but....well, they're slow *g* Instead, I've been pouring all my restless energy into clean, organizing, etc. I got these adorable little wooden turtles from Michael's and painted them lime green and put them up in the baby's room. So freaking adorable it's sickening :)

MistyJo said...

Love the parody! I'll be singing it in my head all day.

I can't blame the weather here for my staying in. It's more to do with my health. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Epstein Barr Virus, or what I'm calling a permanent case of The Kissing Disease because it stems from Mono. I know. I thought the same thing, "WTH?!" That guy must have been one hell of a kisser. Sad that I don't remember him. LOL

My last day to work was November 4th, and since that time, I've been experimenting in the kitchen, making all kinds of goodies when I've felt like it: bread puddings, banana nut bread, pumpkin bread, snickerdoodles, molasses cookies, chili, cornbread, cakes, homemade biscuits with sausage gravy, etc... Bill's enjoying the food, and he has a theory of why I'm cooking new things. He thinks I'm using it as a creative outlet. Maybe. His morning show partner is enjoying the food, too. When I'm mentioned in conversations, she always remarks, "Bitch can cook." LOL

Scapegoat said...

I'm also not mentioning my weather here in FLA...

I'm officially at the halfway mark of my WIP!!!! Got there last night and I'm like 100 words over the 1/2 way point of the goal word count. Now if my characters would freaking move the story along faster I'd be set.

Yep...realized I'm 1/2 way word wise, but not story wise. Can you say writing a ton of fluff!

Bosun said...

If I mention it's humid here, are you going to stab me? It'll be cold again tomorrow!

Love this parody. I even heard the really high notes in my head. I'm imagining all of it and it's LOVELY!

Since Chance and I spent the last couple days bragging, we should probably sit back and shake our pom poms for everyone else. ;)

Congrats on the word count, Scape!

Hal - You're nesting, darling. And you are the cute one, though the turtles sound adorable too. Pirate baby watch is so fun...for those of us only watching. LOL!

Misty - It's a good thing we don't live closer. My mouth is watering at the idea of all that baking. Have you considered writing your memoirs yet? Hint, hint...

Donna said...

Great parody! I love how crafty you pirates are when it comes to these things. I'm also jealous. :)

I don't even know how to report on the weather here. We obviously got a ton of snow--I can hardly see anything but white stuff when I look out the window. I know one thing for sure: I don't feel the need to travel to Antarctica because it feels like I'm already there!

Speaking of travel. . .Misty Jo, where do you live exactly? *stomach growls ferociously*

Congrats, Scape, on the awesome word count, and you too, Hal, working in the midst of all this.

Oops, power just went out!

Bosun said...

Oh no. Hope it comes back on soon, Donna, though that's probably not going to happen.

Donna said...

I'm back! It was something with the breakers in my place, and the utility guy was so hopeful (I'm off to call/email his supervisor right now to let them know). I had to go outside and sank into the snow up to my knees (my boots only go up mid-calf). That was the snow closest to the house. I don't even want to see how deep the snow dunes are.

God I need a tropical vacation. LOL

Bosun said...

Was he hopeful or helpful? LOL!

I'm wondering with Hellie's absense if she's sleeping forever or her power might be off. Wait, she has a laptop. She's just sleeping. LOL!

I just had to open the window on my car driving back from the store to cool off. This is some of the weirdest weather I've ever seen.

Donna said...

Oh crap! He was actually very cranky, and I had to do my best to charm the old guy. LOL But he was helpful, because I do have electricity.

I'm so tired of winter. And you just know it's gonna be another catastrophe when all this stuff decides to melt.

Bosun said...

With that much water, Boston might actually ride the rapids south and you could end up in my back yard!

Janga said...

Be of good cheer my friends, Punxsutawney Phil and General Beauregard Lee both predict an early spring. Even without the snow and ice, I'm ready to see daffodils and forsythia blooming.

I love Hellie's parodies, and this one is superb! My word count has been decent over the past several days, but since I seem to be cutting two for every word I write, I'm not sure I can be said to be making progress. (And if all my sentences have the grace of that last one, it's probably best that I'm not.)

Bosun said...

It's nice to have proof every now and then that Janga is human like the rest of us. LOL!

Stop cutting! Damn it.

2nd Chance said...

Even if Hellie has a laptop, if she has no power she won't be able to get on the internet! Unless she ventures out to a Starbucks or McDonalds, which I don't see her doing!

But it's a great parody!

Donna said...

Chance, I could get on the internet without electricity. I have cable for my internet provider though. Maybe that makes a difference? (I had to go online to get the phone number for the electric company. LOL)

The handyman guy just came by--he is really worried about what happens when this stuff melts, and they've already got a few other places with leaking roofs. He's never seen it this bad. He also said it's hard to plow because he can't the cars--they're buried in the snow. LOL

Donna said...

Dang, now I'm leaving words out! Maybe my brain froze.

I don't know how well the writing is going to be today when I'm leaving words out.

Leslie Langtry said...

Very nice Hellie! I have to wonder, as pirates, we should all be in Tortuga or somewhere in the Carribbean. How is it possible so many pirates are snowbound?

Bosun said...

That's the problem with living a virtual life. Reality bites in comparison. Especially in location.

Chance - I thought of that AFTER I wrote the comment. I think I could still get on. I have Verizon Fios and it has some kind of backup power supply. But my router would still need electricity. Wouldn't it?

I'm totally confused now.

Hellion said...

(If you see these bobbles when you read the e-edition, I don’t want to hear about it… Trust me, I know! We did our best! Forgive me!)

I'll try to keep my findings to myself. *LOL* I see them occasionally in Sherrilyn Kenyon's or Eloisa's stuff and I don't tell them--I'm sure they know.

But great job to you for doing a final pass even though you were clearly ready to move on and finding those little things to clean up!! You deserve some Kraken Rum!

Hellion said...

Q, that episode sounds hysterical. *LOL* I'm going to have to see if I can find some episodes of Fawlty Towers because that show sounds hilarious.

Anyway,I hope that storm blows itself out quickly ….. and that you have been prudent enough to learn skiing.

I see my apartment manager has been out in this. Our sidewalks and the short walk to my door has been cleared. And I didn't even hear it done; I must have been sleeping hard at that point.

The storm was here for about 24-30 hours straight--a blizzard and we've never had an actual blizzard in these parts, at least not one documented. We have about 20+ inches of snow. I'll have to take some pictures. It's nuts.

Can't say I've learned skiing. *LOL* But I was a real good sledder when I was kid--does that count? I'm not sure I'm real excited about digging out my car.

2nd Chance said...

I think it would depend on how your internet is provided on whether the power would be an issue!

Yeah, Hellie...it amazed me...I hope when the book gets reviewed I don't get a lot of crap about bobbles...

Hellion said...

Hal, your folks in Osage Beach area? (Or as we're calling it right: Snowsage Beach?) We have crazy number of inches here. Columbia was basically smack central in the path of the damned storm. The weathermen were giddy that they predicted it right and that all this snow was record breaking. Freaks.

Meantime, our I-70 highway--the main highway through the state--has been closed. You're not allowed to travel on it; and I suspect if you do and you slide off, no one will rescue you. Or if they do, they will fine your ass.

Your turtles sound like a fun and sweet project. You'll have to post some pictures for us to "awwww" over. I love doing crafty projects like that.

Hellion said...

bread puddings, banana nut bread, pumpkin bread, snickerdoodles, molasses cookies, chili, cornbread, cakes, homemade biscuits with sausage gravy, etc…

I'm with Donna on this, MistyJo. Where do you live again and when can we visit? That sounds insanely yummy! Maybe you can open a little cafe out of your kitchen--that'd be awesome. A little pocket money to go with your cooking obsession.

Hellion said...

Hi Scapey, yes, my Deerhunter lives in Florida, which is why I don't want to hear about his weather either. *LOL*

But congrats on getting to the halfway mark!! And I empathize about getting to the halfway wordcount but realizing you're not at the halfway mark of where your plot should be. Do it all the time. It works itself out. You'll probably end up chopping your beginning a lot anyway...so it all works out!

Hellion said...

Bo'sun, you can brag anyway--so long it's not about your damned weather.

Hellion said...

Donna, it's my Adam Sandler gene--all the parodies. :) And I agree, I have no desire--not that I ever did--to see Antarctica. Ugh.

Donna said...

Hellie, sounds like you don't need to travel to New England, either, since you're having a New England winter (although we're pretty good at getting the roads cleared since we have so much EXPERIENCE at it. LOL)

I'm going off to work on this FrankenWIP--try to revise it into an actual story. :) I also have a lot of reading that is waiting for me, so stay warm, pirates.

sin said...

I think Hal's family is near Springfield area.

There is no venturing out unless you own a damned tank. There are four foot drifts down our road. My mailbox is buried. Hellie I love you forever for covering my ass today.

Hellion said...

Donna, I'm glad your power came back on.

Bo'sun, no I haven't had a power outage yet, thank God, mainly because I have an electric stove and what would I eat. These winter days are all about eating, you know! And I don't think my internet would work without electricity. My laptop would last about an hour--but the lack of internet would be a problem.

And 2nd, who mentioned I'd have to go to a Starbuck's, it'd be too far for me to venture to in this snow--and I'm not that determined to get coffee or internet. Oh, and my laptop won't do wireless anymore; it's broken, so if it can't use its cable it doesn't do internet! Problems, problems.

Hellion said...

Be of good cheer my friends, Punxsutawney Phil and General Beauregard Lee both predict an early spring. Even without the snow and ice, I’m ready to see daffodils and forsythia blooming.

Janga, I hope you're right. *LOL* And I love daffodils...and I'd love some lilacs too. :)

You're such a perfectionist--it comes from your poetry writing I guess, and the supreme importance of choosing the right word and the right arrangement--but us regular prose writers will think your stuff is beautiful now. Send it!!

Hellion said...

Leslie, VIRTUALLY we pirates are all in Tortuga, but in REALITY I'm staring at some insane amount of freaking snow. I would love me some real Tortuga right now. *sighs*

2nd Chance said...

Me mums daffs are starting to green up...so are her sparaxis... Just saying.

Hellion said...

Sin! You're braving your tiny phone to look at the blog--AND RESPOND! I'm so honored! Stay safe...and you're probably right about the tanks. And my KIA is definitely no tank. *LOL*

Irisheyes said...

Another awesome parody, Hellie.

The only thing I've accomplished today is shovelling out from under! It was one nasty night here near Chicago. I am so glad my husband and kids were all tucked in safe and sound. For once my DH's employer and the kid's school decided to play it safe and get everyone home ASAP.

I heard we got 20-21 inches, Hal. The drifts were really bad. Up to our 4 foot fence and 3 feet up blocking our garage door. The plows still haven't been through our subdivision but our neighbor has a Bobcat and has been helping everyone out. It was like our block party in the summer but everyone had shovels. Pretty cool! We still can't get out of our subdivision, though.

Irisheyes said...

Misty - I've been dealing with that for about 17 years. It sucks! Take really good care of yourself and get lots of rest. Do whatever you can do boost up your immune system. There are some days I can sleep 12 hours at night and still need a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day.

Bosun said...

You killed it, Irish. You killed it dead. LOL!

Irisheyes said...

Yeah, I see that! LOL Sorry :(

I would say maybe they're all out shovelling, but half of you are probably sunbathing!

Bosun said...

I took advantage of the warm weather to change my wiper blades. A nearly 40 degree drop tomorrow and lots of rain moving in. Spring was nice while it lasted. *sigh*

Hellion said...

Bo'sun, I've changed my blades with the last snow, because I killed them. Poor helpless rubber things.

Hellion said...

Irish, I'm so glad you and your family are all safe and sound too. Okay, I learned on the news we "only" got 18 inches (instead of the 20 I swear is outside my door.) Our University is closed for the THIRD day in a row though. Lots more lazing about. '

I still haven't cleared anything. *LOL* Of course in my defense, I don't have a shovel. I suppose I should look into getting one. I'd go buy one, but I doubt there's any or many left--and I don't want to attempt to drive. :)

Bosun said...

Mine were making that brrruuuuppptttt sound. I couldn't take it anymore. But one of the downsides to getting a newer car is the fancy damn blades. Cost me a freaking fortune.

Julie said...

Imagine there’re no Critics

Hellion, This was brilliant!

Latest project? ShovelingSnowblowing The Blizzard of ‘11 out of my driveway! Stuff was up to my waist ... and the drifts were way over my head. Yuck.
Not that it really matters. most of the roads are still closed ... or down to one lane.