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Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Three Simple Ways to Make Your Writing Just Like Everyone Else's
- Slavishly, ruthlessly, and decisively remove ALL adverbs
- Write lean
- Follow every single writing rule on every single writing blog by every single writing expert
It's easy to forget that the current rules for writing are the ones that are in vogue NOW, at this particular moment in time. These haven't always been the rules, and it's a pretty good bet they won't always BE the rules.
Even the title I used is a slave to the current "rule" for blog titles: Always use a number. Catchy titles don't work. I suspect this rule will change as soon as everyone adopts it, because if everyone does it, it won't be unique or eye-catching anymore. The new rule will be "Never use a number in your title", and then it will change back when some subversive type decides to break that particular writing regulation.
I understand the allure of writing rules, because it creates the illusion that if you just follow them, without question, you can stay on the straight-and-narrow path to publication without suffering any of the pitfalls or heartbreak everyone else is enduring.
But if there were only one way to tell a story, we wouldn't need storytellers. Anyone could plug the elements that interest them into the Instamatic Easy Bake Story Machine, and their book would pop out in minutes, perfectly conforming to the one-size-fits-all storytelling recipe.
That's how we wrote essays in school, right? You needed an opening paragraph to say what you're gonna say, and a closing paragraph saying what you just said, and then a couple paragraphs in the middle to say what you have to say. You just picked a topic and followed these rules and you were done in no time at all.
The obvious complaint about rules is how it makes everything feel regimented, with little room for experimentation, or even creativity. The bigger problem is it tends to blandify or homogenize the writing, obliterating anything that smacks of an original voice. It's as if the writer is always self-consciously asking, "Am I doing this right?", which doesn't leave a lot of room for fresh storytelling.
At that point, it doesn't matter whose name is on the cover because there is nothing to distinguish one author from another. It would be easier to title it "A Story by A Writer".
Not surprisingly, the "rules" often conflict with each other.
For example, the "Write Lean" rule appeals to a reader too busy to enjoy elegant or evocative prose, so a story has to be fast-paced, action-packed, and grab-em-by-the-throat compelling. Yet the "Adverbs Not Welcome Here" rule is designed to immerse the reader in a story, giving them a richer, multi-sensory experience that the previous generation's "telling" style cannot.
So speed things up with one rule, and slow them down with another. It's no wonder that writers go completely bonkers.
Just to be clear, I do understand the need for law and order when it comes to writing. My ranting against the multitude of rules is because they too often inhibit my creative impulses, or make me second-guess the words that do emerge.
However, I also believe in amendments, and repeals, and other things that clarify the reason for the rules of writing. They are there to serve the story, not be an impediment to it. They should make things better, not create a new form of pandemonium.
If not, it would make more sense to spend our time making up rules rather than stories.
So what makes your writing YOURS? How is it different from the other stories out there? What made you decide you had to write THIS story? Which writing rule is your favorite one to break?
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94 comments:
Oh, what a cool blog topic! I imagine the month of NaNo has left you relatively free of rules. Though I'd have to break the NaNo rules and edit and do all the stuff they tell you not to do!
If there is a rule, I want to break it. Must write DPOV? Eh. No ly words? HA! No skipping around with the sense of time? HAHAHAHAHA! (Though I really do need to pay attention to this one...) And of course, the story that is in revision with the editor...I had to write a sexy love story with 50+ couple because everyone said no one would want it! HA!
What makes my writing mine? I hope the irreverance in which I treat everything. I am an equal opportunity irreverant...
I brought up at the steampunk con about how writing style changes. The rule for a lot of what I used to read was tell, not show! There are scifi masters I grew up reading that tell, tell, tell! Not anymore!
Chance, I thought this might appeal to you. :) If there is a rule to be broken, I think you are the one to do it.
One reason I like NaNo is that I don't have to do any of the editing while I'm writing. I think about things to edit while I'm doing other stuff, so that when I sit down to write it's probably in my mind.
I like your description of "equal opportunity irreverent". That is perfect for you.
Rules.... Hmmmm.
I think that rules minus context/explanation are the real problem. I mean, some rules I've heard ("avoid the word 'was'") don't make sense to me. Might as well be "turn around three times, pick your nose, and cough four times before sitting down to write." Um, why exactly? No sense.
It's only when I hear explanations that I decide whether or not to jump on board. Adverbs? When I investigated and realized it's because adverbs explain to the reader how something is done, thereby telling the reader instead of showing them through stronger verbs, that made sense to me. Therefore the rule became, use the strongest verbs you can to avoid "telling" and not "Don't use adverbs!"
Write lean? I'd imagine this is to avoid boring your reader. But can't it just be, "don't bore your reader?"
When it's just "don't use adverbs" and "write lean," it threatens to lose the reasoning behind it. Ultimately, this should be just "show don't tell" and "don't bore your reader," I think.
Marn, I agree about rules needing a context. Otherwise it rankles me because it has that "just do as I say" aspect to it. LOL Or the rules become absolutes--"follow these OR ELSE".
But my biggest complaint is how it can make everything sound the same. I've read some books lately where it seems like there IS no voice, which I find boring.
Because you're right, the most important rule is "Thou shalt not bore thy reader". LOL
My thesis adviser at school has a great quote he uses whenever a "rule" is brought up: "The only rule of writing is that the reader has to turn the page. You can do anything you want as long as your reader keeps turning pages."
The rules were really helpful for me when I first started writing, because I could see the quality of my writing, the quality of writers I admired, and the HUGE gulf between those two things. And with no idea how to bridge that gap, I floundered. The rules gave me tips, ideas, strategies, etc on how to improve.
So in that regard, they're great. BUT, as with all things, they're only great in moderation, they're only great when not slavishly followed, and really, they're only great when they're broken regularly :)
I think there's something to be said for knowing why a rule exists and understanding the point of the rule before breaking it. I mean, the whole reasons these rules came about is because they've generally been shown to be effective in hooking and keeping readers (i.e., getting them to turn the page!). So we should break the rules when we've got something *even more effective* than whatever the rule told us not to do. And that will happen all the time. But if you don't know why the rule exists in the first place (i.e., if you don't understand why -ly words make an editor want to bash their head against their desk), then you don't know when throwing one in will be even more effective than leaving one out.
That was long. I'm in a weird mood today.
Hal, that was great! Not long OR weird. :)
I wholeheartedly agree with your thesis adviser's comment. Because the reader isn't necessarily going to know what the rules are -- they're going to know whether a book keeps them entertained or not.
And I suspect a lot of the current rules came about because we don't read books in a more leisurely fashion like when people read by candlelight. :) There are lots of entertainment options now and people can't/won't spend all their time reading, so it has to be streamlined and fast-paced.
When I started writing, omniscient POV was the norm in the books I read, as were adverbs, and telling (narrating) a story. I wonder who the person was who broke those rules, starting the current trend. LOL
Donna - I think you're right that people don't do anything leisurely these days. :( We are a world of instant gratification.
Well, Marn, I'm one of the worst offenders. One of my many mottos is: "If it's delayed, it's not gratification". LOL
LOL! :) I don't have time for delay! :)
Honestly, I think I'm just not as patient with my reading these days. If it doesn't suck me in, I start thinking about laundry and cleaning. Cooking and whatever. It's irritating, actually.
I live to break the rules. F*ck the rules. The rules are for other people who obviously care about that sort of thing.
Once I got over my fear of breaking these "rules" everyone always talks about while writing a novel, my writing started to come back. Yes there must be order amongst the chaos. But no "ly" words. WTF. "Impossible," I scoffed with a flourish of my pen. Black ink smeared the page. "No "LY" words while writing description. What happens if the door closes softly after a fight. The finality of that action- to softly shut a door. It would simply be ruined if I couldn't use an "LY" word."
Hm, how is mine different than anything else out there. I write about criminals. Usually people write about the good guys who are law enforcement who take out the bad guys. My good guys are criminals who weed out the bad guys while doing their own activities. I even have my heroine married to what her best friend says is "a glorified cop".
Marn, I'm the same way. I'll give you 50-100 pages, depending on the level of niceness I've got that day, but after that, I'm done. AND if it's a book that everyone raves about. . . whoo doggie, you've really got to wow me. LOL
I know I'm breaking the rules here -- hah! But I have to dash out to the store. I'm hoping it won't take all day, but who knows? It was crazy busy on Monday, so I'm hoping everyone is gone.
Back later!
*smooches for Sin*
You make my little anarchist heart beat so proudly.
I think my agitation against the rules is for the same reason, Sin. It seemed to halt my writing flow, and my Inner Critic was trying to rewrite everything according to the rules before I could even get two words out. Yeesh!
I agree with the use of an LY word like softly to demonstrate a particular emotion such as finality. Would it have the same resonance if it was just "she shut the door"? I don't think so.
So your good guys are bad guys who are going after even badder guys? I need a scorecard. :) But I love the sound of it.
I think my favorite rule to break is "don't write about yourself because you're boring", which is true, I am boring, but there are flashes of conversations and scenarios of my own life that make good fiction. But we all know I'm really big into the Method Acting for Writers.
I think the only rule you can't break is "don't bore the reader"--as Marn says, or Hal said in the realm of "Make the reader turn the page." Every other rule is a tip in how to keep the reader engaged (in theory).
I myself am rather glad they have gone away from the head-hopping POVs and gone to deep POV (less author intrusion/omniscient). That for some reason has always annoyed me; older famous literary novels seem to hinge on the omniscient since that was the prescribed and accepted way of writing, but it distracts me to no end. I don't want to be aware I'm watching a play; I want to feel like I'm part of the play.
But that's just a preference. *LOL*
I don't know what it is about my writing that makes it mine. I think I'm funny and I occasionally have a way with a metaphor--in fact I like to do that a lot; and I enjoy writing banter and dialogue. My heroes tend to be unconventional. Sorta.
Donna, this is a great post. I am a compulsive rule follower in most areas of my life, and I think rules add a sense of security to the flying-with-no-net experience of writing. However, I agree that too much focus on rules stifles individual voice and creativity.
I hope what makes my writing unique is my particular take on the characters. I've been experimenting more with voice, trying to make character internals and dialogue less "correct" and more like people actually talk. I do like deep POV, but I think there are times to abandon it, drop in the needed info, and go.
For example, when two characters are talking and one is telling the other something they both know (or should), just so the reader can learn about it in dialogue rather than by being told, I find that cumbersome. I'd rather go with a quick internal and roll on.
As a reader, I agree with Hal's thesis advisor--those turning pages matter more than rules. If something is working, I'll go with it, whether or not it follows some strict rule.
I like what Hal says about breaking the rules when we have something even more effective than the rule to use. (I would have pasted in her quote but I'm paranoid about using italics. LOL)
I think asking "is there a more effective way to do this?" can be a really useful way to treat the overuse of something on a case by case instance. It probably would slow me down enough to consider why something would work "here" but not "here." Not that I need slowing down. LOL But in revision, I can make rash decisions. Once I identify a potential overuse of something, I'm tempted to obliterate the entire trend, which is probably overkill. So even a slowpoke writer needs checkpoints.
As for what makes my writing different, the first thing I think of is a lot of whining by the heroine. LOL Probably not the best thing to be known for! It requires breaking a "don't bore the reader" rules to work. I hope it's identifiable whining and hopefully funny in a tragic comedy kind of way. It is also difficult to effectively whine with perfect grammar. LOL
On the "don't bore the reader" rule, I think I meant to say I RISK breaking that rule, but don't intend to break it. I approach it and might have to fix what I break, but the risk of making what interests me interest others is part of the appeal of writing. If that makes any more sense.
The rules were my greatest enemy when I jumped into writing. That "don't use the word 'was'" killed me. Once I understood the larger meaning and idea behind that rule, it made sense. But when I first heard it, the instructors were absolutes. I've since learned to avoid the writing nazis, as I like to call them.
Now, I let the rules go. I mean, I'm not going to kill the pet or have my heroine schtooping the football team in chapter two. Some rules really do have a place. But I never think about the rest, at least not consciously.
I love the "Don't bore the reader" and "Keep the reader turning the page" ones. But I hear those in my head as Deb Dixon saying to me (for the umpteenth time) "You can do anything if you do it well enough." Which mean, I could kill the pooch, if I do it well enough. I'm not going to try, but I could. :)
No idea how my voice is different from others. I know I write sparse and a bit choppy. No long, ellegant prose from me. I've got sarcasm but I suppose my angst is what comes through the most. But not the teenage angst. The grown up "life is really HARD" angst.
When I read a novel I have to find the plot interesting or I quickly move on to something new.
If the plot looks interesting then I have to find the characters interesting. That means they have to be amusing or unusual or driven or sexy or ....
If the book passes both of those tests then I'm almost guaranteed to finish it.
So the only rule that matters to me as a reader is 'BE INTERESTING'.
If I'm bored then I'm not interested so 'NOT BORED' is a sub-space of the 'INTERESTED' space.
I'll be on to topology and fuzzy sets soon if I'm not careful .... Now that's really interesting!
If all the other rules lead you to the 'INTERESTING' universe then that's great.
If you can get there without any rules then you're a natural.
Have to say that I always find this blog interesting. :D
Okay, I'm back! It wasn't as bad as I expected. Which means procrastinators are being rewarded, and I wish I'd gone with my instinct on this instead of going early on Monday when it was a zoo. LOL
I also learned something new (which means everyone else here will already know this!) I got three text messages while I was at the store, all of which I would consider spam. I called Verizon when I got home because I don't want to pay for those suckers, and to see about getting them blocked. They are NOT considered spam, and if you don't reply back with STOP, they can charge you $9.99/month! Verizon also said they can put a "premium" block on it, which they did.
Gotta love the holidays! LOL
Hellie, I don't think you're boring, so I'm enacting a rule that says you can't say you're boring. LOL
And aspects of ourselves always show up in our characters--that's one of the many things that make them interesting, to us, and to readers.
I don't really miss head-hopping, and if I see it in a current book I come pretty close to foaming at the mouth. In an older book I am more compassionate, but I do find it gets in the way of reading the book because I'm always searching for clues as to whose head I'm supposed to be in. LOL
It sounds like your writing is similar to mine. :) Which means I'll like reading what you write!
Nancy, I'm glad you liked the post. And the irony of all this is I have been a rule-follower for the majority of my life. It's only the past year or so that I've decided it's not working so well for me!
I do like the structure that rules bring to a story, and my worry is when the structure takes over the important parts, like story and voice. As we used to say in the law, it's "form over substance". :)
And you gave a great example--following the rules there does make for an awkward exchange. As you said, just drop in the info and keep the reader from rolling their eyes with disgust. LOL
Keep experimenting with voice, and your characters. It truly is what makes our writing distinctively "ours". :)
I still find myself attracted to the omnipotent narrator. I don't know if it's because that was what I read so much of growing up or if it's some other disturbing symptom of my growing desire to be omnipotent...
There is something about good omnipotent prose. Michener could do it. Leon Uris. Irving Stone...
I guess it's like everything. If it's done well and makes us really forget that it's omnipotent...at least for me...then I can dig it.
Melissa -- LOL -- you did get bitten on the butt with those italics the other day!
I like that case by case basis method, especially in revisions. I think that's where it is useful, because you can slow down and read your work the way a reader would, and if you stub your toe on something, then you know it needs changing. But if you are caught up in the story, then maybe the rule doesn't need to be used in that instance.
I doubt your heroine is whining. LOL From what I have read of your story, she has good reasons to be upset!
the risk of making what interests me interest others is part of the appeal of writing
This makes perfect sense--and it's a great description of why I love writing too. :)
The irony of irreverance is that...I follow rules on signage slavishly. "This Lane Must Turn Left" ... I turn left.
It's only within the writing world that my inner irreverant rises to prominance.
I hope your "Procrastinators are Rewarded" holds true when I go to the store this afternoon. We're being let out "early" (an hour earlier than last year). I have my list. (It's always good to have a list and stick to it--stick to your list.)
Then I have to do some minor baking. And I'd like something good for dinner.
Terri, I think the term "writing nazis" fits a lot of people, which is unfortunate. Even more unfortunate is how many people they seem to recruit, to the point that everyone just mindlessly repeats the rules. But if they would explain the rationale behind them, maybe writers could find an even better way to do what they're trying to do.
And pet killing and team schtooping can be done, as you said, if done well, and with enough motivation. :) Maybe not in the same story tho! LOL
You can write sparse. Sparse is a good thing, when it's your voice and style AND your choice. :) It's when it's promoted as the ONLY choice that I get all twitchy.
The things of yours I've read haven't had angst in them, so I would like to see where that comes through. :) (Okay, that's a ploy to see more of your writing! LOL)
Just don't boil another chicken.
I'm responsible for one fruit pie and I would like to bake one. I've never baked a pie. This should be interesting.
Like some of you, I'm typically a rule follower in RL. But only if that rule makes sense to me. Driving 55 rarely makes sense to me. Not driving on the shoulder makes sense to me. Around here, there are many who ignore that rule and it makes me want to scream.
In writing, they're really more like guidelines. :)
Careful what you wish for, Donna. LOL! There may be a synopsis in your inbox sometime Friday that will need perusing and feedback.
;)
Q, I'm glad you find the blog posts interesting, because mine definitely don't have any plot involved. :)
I'm actually intrigued that you go for the plot first, and then characters. I think I might do the opposite. Mmm. I must ponder this some more. LOL
But yes, if the reader is interested, then it's a matter of KEEPING them interested. . .page by page. Hopefully without rules getting involved. :)
Just don’t boil another chicken.
Yak it up. (Which is incidentally what I did when I burned the chicken, but whatever.) You're just hounding this because we know I'm actually a good cook and this was stunning in the fact of "How the hell do you burn a chicken you were BOILING for God's sake?"
Maybe I'll have a microwave dinner tonight. That might be safest.
Chance, I loved Michener and Stone when I was younger, but wonder if I would still love that omniscient style now. It may be best for me to leave the memories intact rather than trying to read it and find out I hate it now. LOL
And I am more of a rule follower in real life, which is probably why I want fewer restrictions in my made-up worlds. :)
See, I've never gotten to be part of a Thanksgiving dinner where I only was responsible for bringing ONE thing. That'd be cool. *LOL* I'm going to have to try that someday.
Hellie, I seriously think a lot of people are already done shopping and hit the road last night. Of course, if that's not the case in your area, uh, then I didn't mean to get your hopes up. LOL
Terri, ooh, send it! I'll be happy to peruse and feedback. :)
Terri, I made my very first apple pie a month or so ago, and it was surprisingly good! Although, I didn't make anyone else taste it--that would make me too nervous. LOL But I would definitely try another pie in the future.
Bostonians are the worst for not following road rules. Seriously. They have this rebellious nature bred into them I think--it's no surprise that they started the whole Revolutionary War.
Normally I'm not even responsible for ONE thing. This year, I'm responsible for TWO. But I'm feeling pretty good about the stuffing. (And it's NOT out of a box, thankyouverymuch.)
I'm just saying, burning something that is SUBMERGED in water takes real talent. How often do I get to be the one ragging you about cooking screw ups?!
Well, I've never cooked a Thanksgiving turkey, or any turkey, and it looks like I may make it through life without adding that to my list of accomplishments.
But who knows? It could happen. It's not like there's a RULE saying I can't do it. LOL
I'm going to make cornbread sausage stuffing -- never done it, and figured the only way I was going to have some is if I made it myself. :)
What kind are you making, Terri?
Bostonians are the worst for not following road rules.
I remember. And OMG, your cloverleafs are enough to confuse even the most direction-savvy Daniel Boone!
I prefer the Ale-Train or however you call it.
P.S. Now I want some cornbread sausage stuffing. I need to stop skipping breakfast.
She's making purist stuffing. *LOL*
For the first time, we actually agreed about how to cook something. And thought her mother was crazy.
Ah yes, the rotary. I was terrified of them when I first moved here. It was probably a great way to move traffic in the horse-and-buggy days, but with cars going every which way at 50 mph? Not so much. LOL
I think I might like an Ale train. LOL The subway is called "the T", and there's an Alewife station -- is that it?
Are Boston cloverleafs like the jug handles in New Jersey. Because those things are EVIL. Did you know you can't make a left turn in NJ? Really.
I guess I'm making what you'd call sage stuffing? It's my grandmother's recipe. My mom tried to get me to put mushrooms in it, but as Hellie says, we both decided she's on crack.
Seasoned bread cubes, celery, onion, gizzards, chicken livers, chicken stock, butter, poultry seasoning and sage. I made it once before. The same year (only year) I made a turkey. Which I cooked upside down. Not sure how I did that, but those were the juiciest breasts anyone ever had.
My mom used to make cornbread stuffing when I was a kid and I didn't know there WAS any other kind. LOL Then my ex-boyfriend's mom made this stuff that looked like it was pre-masticated. *shudder* I had to tell her I didn't LIKE stuffing so I wouldn't be forced to try to choke it down every holiday. LOL
Thank God I can have stuffing again now.
LOL, Terri -- see? Breaking the rules (upside down turkey) was a good thing!
Never heard of jug handles -- and I've driven in NJ a couple of times. And folks out here wouldn't know what a cloverleaf is. LOL Just like they don't know what I mean when I say "pop" instead of "soda".
I just got a recipe in my email for Kentucky Bourbon Brownies. It sounds good, and relatively easy. Anybody got some bourbon?
Ah yes, the rotary.
Is that what that is? Someone needs to warn people who visit. That is NOT the thing to drive on at 10 pm for your first time in Boston.
Yes! That's it! I wanted to say T, but I also know they said something about Ale, so I was confused. It's been 6 years; and I was only there a few days. *LOL*
I think the kind of stuffing Terri and I agree on is the "pre-masticated" looking kind. Well, Terri might prefer hers a little drier looking, but in my family, they definitely seem to go for the old school "the wetter, the better, then bake it forever" stuffing. I don't get it. I'm more a Stove Top stuffing girl actually, but whatever.
Typically, this particular stuffing cooks IN the bird, hence the name stuffing instead of dressing. It's all one big experiment. I'm just hoping someone will eat it and I don't poison anyone.
I agree, Hellie -- the rotary should come with a warning. The scary part is when they have two lanes, like the one in Concord -- which means the car on the INSIDE lane can decide to leave the rotary while the car on the OUTSIDE lane is continuing around. I'm surprised they don't have constant accidents there.
Thank goodness there are as many kinds of stuffing as there are books. LOL Everyone can have the kind they like best.
Since you're cooking it OUTSIDE the bird, you have a much better chance of not poisoning people.
Are Boston cloverleafs like the jug handles in New Jersey. Because those things are EVIL. Did you know you can’t make a left turn in NJ? Really.
This is the truth. It took some getting used to. I mean, what other state would you have to get in the right lane to make a LEFT turn? Very strange.
I'm not cooking Thanksgiving this year!! Hoorrayy!! This is the first year in 8 years that I haven't cooked Thanksgiving for at least 10. (Well, except the year I delivered my eldest. I was in the hospital, which is apparently the only way I had of opting out of cooking.)
This year I'm just taking pies. So I'm making pumpkin and apple, my two specialties. I'm looking forward to having coffee in the morning without running around like an escapee from the insane asylum. I'm going to watch the parade with my oldest. Then I'm going to get in the car, eat too much food, drive home, and go to bed. I'm looking forward to it.
Marn, that sounds like a lovely new tradition for you! And I'm glad you got to do it without having to resort to the ole "having a baby" excuse. :)
I'm not a big fan of pumpkin pie--I love pumpkin everything else, but for some reason the pie thing doesn't work for me. BUT I would definitely try yours, since they're your specialty.
And at Trader Joe's today they had a sample of their pumpkin pie and I was rather tempted by it--and it was only $4.99. I talked myself out of it because I don't need a whole pie to myself. LOL
I remember my father talking about being stuck in a rotary while driving the 5th wheel... They decided not to stick around Boston once they got out of that and they left for friendlier pastures.
When Steph and I were there he just bulldozed on through, as I clung to the door and tried not to weep.
Now! Story Nazis! Have you ever notice they are generally the ones at conferences that have one phenomenal book (their claim) which is still out with agents. And has been for a decade or more.
Stuffing...my Mom used to make it with spicy sausage...devine! God knows what the MIL is going to do!
I feel like I should go back out, since I'm dressed AND have makeup on. LOL It seems like a waste to just use all this fabulousness at home!
I don't blame your father for staying away from the rotaries -- or for you for trying not to weep. There aren't THAT many of them, but in addition to being nervewracking, they have a tendency to back up traffic. Nobody seems to want to replace them tho. LOL
I haven't noticed that about the Story Nazis. LOL I haven't hung out with very many writers lately, so maybe that's why.
All this stuffing talk is making me glad I'm going to make some. In fact, I need some kind of lunch food. . .
It seems often that the people touting all the rules and getting really bitchy about all the 'can'ts' are often the ones who I either don't, won't, or can't sell.
The key word being bitchy about it.
I'm trying not to even show enthusiasm for tomorrow's food. I don't have a great deal of faith in MIL. I wanted to go out! No clean up, no trying to coordinate everything...let someone else handle it.
Sigh.
Wait, I didn't think of Trader Joe's. There's one a stones throw from my house. Huzzah! I'm stopping on the way home.
My IT guy is trying to access my computer from 250 miles away. The program HE put on it is not letting him in. LOL! Gotta love a persnickety computer.
I have to go out again -- Verizon convinced me to upgrade my phone software and now I don't have any service. Sigh. Since it's my only phone I need to have it fixed, so I'm off to the Verizon store. Grr.
That's classic, Bo'sun! Think it's fate way of saying they should close early so you can head home?
Good luck with the phone! Maybe they'll be having a Black Friday thing already and you'll get a new phone for a buck. LOL!
chance - I get to leave in an hour. That's right when all the military bases will be letting out as well. Lucky me.
*sigh*
My color printer is acting up so they set it up to print in gray scale only. Without asking. I have a color printer for a REASON. I may start lighting shit on fire if this keeps up. LOL!
Wow, Donna! What a great upgrade!
*snicker
Ter - What could you possibly be printing in color? Just because you do all the spreadsheets for everything and all...
Man, I am not feeling the holiday spirit at all. Maybe I'll come down with a cold tonight and be too sick to travel tomorrow... If I were so lucky...
Don't wish a cold on yourself, are you crazy? That's never a good thing, especially not in your condition. Now, a freak snow storm in California, that you can wish for.
Wow, a cold is much more likely! No snow on the central coast! Come on, help me think up a good excuse to get out of it!
Sudden allergy to chicken feathers?
One of those short lived phobias... The 48 hours goat phobia bug... Goataphobia.
Course the goats aren't in the house, so it probably wouldn't work... Sigh.
Well, I need some chicken feathers then... The MIL raises goats...maybe I could wake up with a goat phobia?
I could have sworn you said chickens.
No, she's a bonafide goat rancher...errr...farmer...err...herder?
Whatever...she raises goats. The kind you eat not the kind you milk or comb or use for weed control.
Hey, Donna... Last Chance wanted to share her pop/soda story with you. She was in Chicago some years ago and went through this at a food court...
When I was in Chicago for work and we went to a food court - the black guy behind the counter totally stymied me with his question & after getting a blank look from me 3 times he rolled his eyes, put his hand on his hip and said loudly and clearly WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?!?! I thought I was going to die; I was so embarassed because the place was packed and I was holding up the line . . . . . he was asking me what kind of pop do you want? and I did not get it at all!!!! Sounded like whakinapopuwan? I just wanted to crawl away and didn't even want my lunch anymore.
I'm back! All they did was take the battery out and put it back in and it reset it. I do that kind of thing all the time with computers, but it didn't occur to me to do it with the phone.
And no Black Friday specials. I think I freaked out the "hostess" who was trying to sell me cable and home phone -- I told her I don't watch TV and if my cell phone is working I don't need a home phone. LOL
Heretic!
I bet you traumatized the poor thing!
Last Chance, your story reminds me of a friend I worked with in the courts. She did some seasonal retail work at Hallmark during Christmas, and when people were writing checks, they would ask my friend, "Who do I make it out to?" and she would say, "We've got a stamp", meaning they didn't have to write anything in there.
Well, they're closing out one night and one of the checks has "we've got a stamp" written in the "Pay to" spot. LOL
Donna! That is hysterical! I can remember working at a bookstore and going through the checks one night and someone had written it to Borders when we were called Little Professor Bookstore! Bank took it!
And that was me sis's story. I've never been to Chicago!
I addressed it to Last Chance -- that's your sis, right? :) You are just the go-between for our conversations. LOL
I'm sure I traumatized the Verizon woman, mainly about the TV. There are more people who don't have home phones now, but no TV is rarer.
It's kind of funny to think about writing checks, isn't it? It's kinda gone the way of omniscient POV. LOL
Whoops! I'm having one of those weeks!
Yeah, I'm not sure where the check book is...
I only use the checkbook once a month. LOL
And can't you use your recent illness to get out of tomorrow's festivities? Or did that get negated because you went on your trip? (Trying to help you out here. LOL)
I can't remember the last time I used my checkbook. In fact, I've yet to unpack the checks. Wonder where those things are?
Here's a tip. Don't make your first ever visit to Trader Joe's on the day before Thanksgiving. ZOO in there. But I got a pretty good looking apple pie. One less thing to do!
Terri, Trader Joe's tend to be on the small side, which makes it even worse when they're crowded. I think it helped that I went early this morning because when I came past there this afternoon after the Verizon visit, they looked way busier.
I'll give you my list of things I love from there. Chocolate-covered pretzels is at the top. LOL And I hate pretzels, but I can devour a bag of these in no time.
OOOPs--Happy ThanksgivIng! :)
Just had to chime in on this one. I completely agree with you--and I'm an English teacher. lol. The thing all this strict rule followers forget is that BREAKING the rules is often what determines someone's STYLE and VOICE.
Y'all have a Happy Thanksgivng!
and that would be "these" strict rule followers--jeez.
Should have proofread before I hit submit. LOL.
Brynna, thanks for chiming in! It's good to have validation from an English teacher!
Perfectly said--the rule breaking is done to emphasize a writer's style and voice. Just think how much that would be sacrificed by following rules.
And since we're rulebreakers, we didn't even notice the typo. :)
Happy Thanksgiving to you too!
Jeez.
80 plus comments! GoDonna! Loved the blog BTW
I am way behid on reading them. Sigh.
I do however have a few thoughts on what i've read so far:
So what makes your writing YOURS?
The …’s
“I am an equal opportunity irreverant…”
This is why I’m gonna “write in” Chance’s name on my ballet when I don‘t know who to vote for.
“ I think there’s something to be said for knowing why a rule exists and understanding the point of the rule before breaking it.”
Amen. And Hal if making sense is Weird, then this world is in worse shape than I thought.
“Yes there must be order amongst the chaos.”
Yep. That’s why God made mothers, SIN
And
Have a Blessed & Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Julie, glad to see you--and I'm glad you enjoyed the blog. I thought it would be a quiet day, with everyone off on their Thanksgiving adventures. :)
I like the idea of Chance as a write-in for the ballot. LOL
And hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving too. :)
I've been at home cooking today.
But I did have a Thanksgiving adventure yesterday at the grocery story.
Ask SIN about it.
Not that she was there. THANK GODDNESS! All I'll say is I'm giving thanks!
*snicker*
My captcha code is : DUMM! LOL
Julie, you are a total tease!
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