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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Inner Critic Rehab
It seems like our inner critics have gone above and beyond lately to make us doubt our writerly abilities.
They spew criticism we would never tolerate from friends and family. They micromanage our writing in ways that are only permissible from people who sign our paychecks. If a critique partner dared to talk to us about our work this way. . .I shudder to think of the bloodshed involved.
Yet this brutal inner critic's voice that knocks us to our knees, sobbing, is the very one we cater to. It's definitely the loudest, drowning out the encouraging voice of the muse, along with the much more interesting ones of our characters.
The inner critics know we listen to every word they utter, but even worse, they know we believe them.
They are like weather forecasters who predict it will be sunny for the weekend and then it rains the entire time. Even then, we continue to have complete faith the next time we hear, "We'll have sun and a high of 80", even though a hurricane is flattening the trees in the front yard.
Inner critics make us react the same way. Yet how do they manage it? Here's just a few of their methods:
Non-motivational quotes
"With this manuscript, failure is not an option. It's a certainty."
Sarcastic commentary
"Snore, bore, and chore. Alex, I know this one. What are three words to describe this manuscript?"
Doubt-mongering
"Do you really think it's any good? I mean, I like it, but I'm not sure I like it like it, you know? It's not anywhere near as good as all those other books you buy. You know, those ones that actually got published. And it's not like you'll never get published. It's just that there are a lot a lot a LOT of really good writers out there to compete with. I'm just sayin'."
On days when I'm feeling charitable (maybe once or thrice a year), I could argue that the inner critics are merely trying to protect us, from harm, or ridicule, or heartbreak.
But if that's true, then why are THEY the ones heaping us with harm and ridicule and heartbreak?
There's plenty to be learned from our inner critics. But first we need to rehab them, so they can be useful, productive members of the writing team. Anybody can point out problems. It takes somebody creative to provide solutions.
First off, let's not take the inner critics at face value anymore. They have to get specific with their concerns. When they say, "this sucks", they need to explain what in particular is causing them heartburn. Pin them down and make them deliver some practical advice we can apply to our manuscripts. No more blanket statements allowed.
Next, insist that the inner critics wait their turn. If their relentless condemnation keeps us from producing anything, they won't have anything to whip into shape later, right? The role of inner critic is an important one, but it is dependent on proper timing. So write, then critique. It doesn't work the other way.
Finally, don't be discouraged if this inner critic rehab doesn't work perfectly the first time you try it. It might take a little time since the inner critic is an old dog, and you know how they are with new tricks. But hang in there. Revisions aren't perfect the first go-round either. But isn't the finished result worthwhile?
So let's share some of the lines our inner critics spit out and see what we can do to rehab them. Feel free to tell us how you get your inner critic to do a better job. By the end of today, we ought to have some factory-reconditioned, refurbished, better-than-original inner critics to work on our manuscripts!
They spew criticism we would never tolerate from friends and family. They micromanage our writing in ways that are only permissible from people who sign our paychecks. If a critique partner dared to talk to us about our work this way. . .I shudder to think of the bloodshed involved.
Yet this brutal inner critic's voice that knocks us to our knees, sobbing, is the very one we cater to. It's definitely the loudest, drowning out the encouraging voice of the muse, along with the much more interesting ones of our characters.
The inner critics know we listen to every word they utter, but even worse, they know we believe them.
They are like weather forecasters who predict it will be sunny for the weekend and then it rains the entire time. Even then, we continue to have complete faith the next time we hear, "We'll have sun and a high of 80", even though a hurricane is flattening the trees in the front yard.
Inner critics make us react the same way. Yet how do they manage it? Here's just a few of their methods:
Non-motivational quotes
"With this manuscript, failure is not an option. It's a certainty."
Sarcastic commentary
"Snore, bore, and chore. Alex, I know this one. What are three words to describe this manuscript?"
Doubt-mongering
"Do you really think it's any good? I mean, I like it, but I'm not sure I like it like it, you know? It's not anywhere near as good as all those other books you buy. You know, those ones that actually got published. And it's not like you'll never get published. It's just that there are a lot a lot a LOT of really good writers out there to compete with. I'm just sayin'."
On days when I'm feeling charitable (maybe once or thrice a year), I could argue that the inner critics are merely trying to protect us, from harm, or ridicule, or heartbreak.
But if that's true, then why are THEY the ones heaping us with harm and ridicule and heartbreak?
There's plenty to be learned from our inner critics. But first we need to rehab them, so they can be useful, productive members of the writing team. Anybody can point out problems. It takes somebody creative to provide solutions.
First off, let's not take the inner critics at face value anymore. They have to get specific with their concerns. When they say, "this sucks", they need to explain what in particular is causing them heartburn. Pin them down and make them deliver some practical advice we can apply to our manuscripts. No more blanket statements allowed.
Next, insist that the inner critics wait their turn. If their relentless condemnation keeps us from producing anything, they won't have anything to whip into shape later, right? The role of inner critic is an important one, but it is dependent on proper timing. So write, then critique. It doesn't work the other way.
Finally, don't be discouraged if this inner critic rehab doesn't work perfectly the first time you try it. It might take a little time since the inner critic is an old dog, and you know how they are with new tricks. But hang in there. Revisions aren't perfect the first go-round either. But isn't the finished result worthwhile?
So let's share some of the lines our inner critics spit out and see what we can do to rehab them. Feel free to tell us how you get your inner critic to do a better job. By the end of today, we ought to have some factory-reconditioned, refurbished, better-than-original inner critics to work on our manuscripts!
Labels:
DRD Dealings (Donna),
Writing for Rum
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54 comments:
Well, if Lindsay has to keep going to rehab, it's for sure and certain my inner critic does. Misogynistic bastard.
Lines my inner critic likes to say:
You will never be published because you never finish anything...because you suck.
When you do finish something, it is always something so far fetched no one in their right mind would buy it. [AGENT WHO REJECTED ME] couldn't reject you fast enough, could she? She knows you suck too and she exists.
I don't know why you bother. No one would read your book if it was published; and you'll never make any money doing this. You should keep your day job, if you're lucky enough with all the downsizing they're doing. [BRICK WHISPER] DOWNSIZING.
I think 2nd would rehab them with some time with the Kraken. I'm not sure how to make my critic do a better job. I think I'm going to curl up in the fetal position on my bed and pretend my job is not in crisis. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
Ah, Hellion knows me well!
I say screw it, don't rehab them...kill 'em. The kraken is always hungry and well...when they come back...and they always come back...they may have learned something. As in keep it quiet, don't interrupt the flow, make it constructive, and learn how to heft pompoms if you want to stay on the ship.
Hey! That sorta is rehabilitating them, ain't it?
Anymore, my inner critics seem to have grown sneakier. Trips to the kraken's maw will do that! They don't really squeak about my writing, they just bitch at me in general. As in, "You didn't write a word all day, all the brilliance wasted on lazy..."
Then they run.
;-)
(Hey...I got a mock up of my cover... Weeeeee!)
You have to be conciliatory.
Share a cup of tea with them and talk it over in a nice ladylike fashion.
I have come to respect the subconscious mind and suspect that the rants may contain an element of truth. Learn to channel it into constructive criticism.
Point out that their jobs are on the line. If you don't succeed, they go to the Kraken. (Sorry to hear of your worries Helli!).
And always remember that (nearly) every successful author, or any other professional for that matter, will experience self-doubt. Its part of the evolutionary trail to stardom.
There, thats my pep talk done for the day.
I always like to be helpful. 8)
Chance, I'll bet that cover is stunning!
I thank the demon for pointing out all the terrible flaws in the draft since now that I am aware of them I'll finally be able to fix them.
Seriously, I've learned over the years that it's a lot more dangerous to fall in love with my work than it is to see what's wrong with it.
Hellie, I know how tough it is to worry about your job. I've been there and it messes with your mind. That's when it's actually GOOD to have your writing to focus on -- kind of a mental playground. :) To distract you from the work concerns.
So let's get started rehabbing your monster.
*slaps Hellie's inner critic*
That's got their attention. First off, YOU don't suck. Your I.C. is trying to motivate you, but obviously this isn't the right way to do it!
Next, your I.C. WANTS you to finish something. It can't really do its job until then, so it's going to nag you like crazy. We'll see if it can learn to COAX you instead.
And far-fetched? Semantics. I.C. meant "fresh", but picked the wrong word. But then, it's not the writer, YOU are.
ONE AGENT rejected you? Your I.C. really IS hardcore. How about 150 rejections, on three books, and THEN an agent said Yes to one of my manuscripts?
Hellie, you need to put some duct tape over your inner critic's mouth and surround yourself with things that provide comfort. You deserve kindness, so you can gather strength to work out a plan for what's next. :)
Chance, yes, I think you ARE rehabbing your inner critics -- with a very successful form of behavior modification!
Mine have been doing something similar to yours -- I think they've cloned themselves so they can tag team me.
One says: "Go ahead and rest for a while. You can work on those revisions later."
The other one says: "Look at all this time you're wasting. You've got to do something!"
What a clever bunch -- this way I have to listen to SOMETHING they say. Grrr.
Chance, I can't wait to see the cover! Can you describe it a little? :)
Q, you are exactly right about the subconscious containing a kernel of truth, which is why we're rehabbing our I.C.s -- we need to hear their specific constructive criticism, so we can improve things. We don't need to be browbeaten by them. :)
I love "the evolutionary trail to stardom". That is an awesome description! And yes, self-doubt is a HUGE part of that process. It can become unmanageable though -- a big tsunami that wipes out any traces of confidence we try to hold on to. This is why we need to revamp the inner critics, so they help rather than hinder.
Thanks for the comments, Q -- I always love to hear your point of view. :)
Hoo-doggie! Did you ever hit the nail on the head with this one!
Ladies, having been the recipient more than once (I am sure she will tell you it's been *MILLIONS* but she IS a fiction writer!) of Donna talking me down off the roof after I've had a go 'round with MY inner critic - that sour bitch - I can tell you that Donna is right on target with this advice.
Recently, Donna - absolutely justifiably! - called me out about one of my favorite whines (no, not a merlot, the other kind) and even though she unnecessarily apologized, I am forever indebted to her because in doing that, she actually nailed my IC (Inner Critic but I call her the Icky C**t). See, my IC likes whisper ridiculous excuses into my subconscious, which, given that I have verbal Tourette's, tend to pop out before I have realized it's HER talking again. So by gifting me with her directness in challenging that excuse, my IC fell on her ass - which, I am so happy to say, is MUCH bigger than mine. She is now - quietly - sulking in the corner over all the attention that my NEW "IC" - Inner CHEERLEADER is getting!
So, like that mysterious pirate who is always perched on the barrel rumoured to be filled with dubloons and good rum, who never says a word, eyes half mast in sleepy observation but never missing a thing, who, in the middle of utter chaos, suddenly draws a cutlass and pins the infiltrator to the deck just before that scab lights the fuse that would blow the ship to splinters, so apparently does Donna sit on the pile of wisdom that can keep YOUR "IC" from taking you down.
Thanks, Donna! Now I just have to get over being jealous that I am not the only one you are helping to rehab!!!
My inner critic is very similar to Hellie's and also needs a slap. LOL
My inner critic often talks in "good, but not good enough" language. There's always a "but...". Sometimes it's: "but I know you can do better." This is where it's different than outside critics. If someone criticized my work and said "I know you can do better" I'd take it as a compliment; confidence in somehow knowing I've got it in me. Coming from the inner critic though, it's harsher because even if it's fixed, the inner critic won't recognize improvement. If that makes sense! LOL
Coming from the inner critic though, it’s harsher because even if it’s fixed, the inner critic won’t recognize improvement.
Yes, it'd be like winning the Olympics with 8 gold medals and your coach going, "That's good, but you could have done so much better." You don't get to enjoy anything.
Hi Jenny! Glad to see you on the ship.
I thank the demon for pointing out all the terrible flaws in the draft since now that I am aware of them I’ll finally be able to fix them.
I like this PR spin. That's good. Nothing like taking the self-righteous twitch out of a demon's tail by thanking them graciously and telling them you'll definitely take their advice.
First, Hells, sorry about your job worries. I hope everything works out for you.
“Do you really think it’s any good? I mean, I like it, but I’m not sure I like it like it, you know? It’s not anywhere near as good as all those other books you buy. You know, those ones that actually got published. And it’s not like you’ll never get published. It’s just that there are a lot a lot a LOT of really good writers out there to compete with. I’m just sayin’.”
This has been going through my head constantly these past weeks. I've been trying to ignore but Donna, I think your tips are going to come in handy.
I was in the midst of typing a reply, got a phone call, and when I came back, Capt Cha decided to mess with me. Grrr.
And Jenny, I swear your comment wasn't there earlier! I did not mean to overlook it. I agree that it can be dangerous to fall in love with your work if it keeps you from seeing the need for improvement.
However, I the reverse can happen more often -- we can see it as so flawed that it is beyond repair, so we quit working. And that's what we need to prevent from happening!
Bren, I was typing my response to you and that's the one that evaporated. So, this gives me a chance to use my new favorite phrase: "I didn't say it's your fault--I said I'm BLAMING you." LOL
I like your idea of converting the inner critic to an inner cheerleader. It may take a lot of retrofitting, but boy, what a payoff once it's done!
I'm totally jealous of your descriptive abilities too. Sigh.
I'll beat Ter to it....
SIGN. IN.
:) LOL
Melissa, my I.C. does something similar. I can be very happy about what I've accomplished, and just as I'm wiping the sweat off my brow, I'll hear, "Yeah, it's good enough little story, but I don't know if it's BIG enough to be published." So then I start doubting something about 30 seconds after giving myself a small atta girl. LOL
And you're right -- it would be seen as constructive criticism coming from an outside critiquer -- but the I.C. will keep continue changing the rules--if we LET them. :)
Marn -- LOL -- I almost typed Ter's advice too. LOL You'd think I'd learn. . .
And I hope the tips we come up with will come in handy. I know how easily the I.C. gang can get us to stall out -- and I hate to see that happen. We've got to make them use their powers FOR GOOD. :)
Sorry, Donna, Jenny's comment wasn't. First time commenters have to be approved by the Captain. Or someone with Captain status, which I think is everyone on the ship, but I think I'm the only one who gets the emails that says, "Hey, this comment may or may not be spam."
I like this PR spin. That’s good. Nothing like taking the self-righteous twitch out of a demon’s tail by thanking them graciously and telling them you’ll definitely take their advice.
At least it'll make them go away. :)
Ah, thanks for the explanation, Hellie -- I was beginning to wonder how much rum had been sneaked into my coffee. LOL I couldn't figure out how I'd managed to overlook that!
And Jenny, I've been seeing great things about your book, LORD LIGHTNING. Congrats! I can't wait to read it. :)
I don't know if my IC can be rehabilitated. She is such a total perfectionist that I think permanent incarceration may be the only solution. Also, her memory puts mine to shame. She remembers the names of the agents who rejected me. And when I say they didn't reject me, they rejected my query or their taste of my ms, she breaks out into the kind of polite, restrained laughter that lets me know how pathetic she finds me.
Just as dangerouus as my IC is my IW (Inner Whiner). She's deceptive because she says things like, "Well, it's not your fault. You're not a cool young thing, and you're not writing the kind of hot sauce that is the rage now. Poor thing, go ahead and throw yourself a pity party." She seems to be sympathizing, but actually her "comfort" is more debilitating than the IC's attacks.
Yes, the inner critic is the worse. But I think even more detrimental is that inner voice that sometimes tells me something is good that isn't. But the doubt can be crippling if we don't push through it, for sure.
Janga, it sounds like your IC is a tough one too. BUT I have to believe she can have a character arc and be rehabilitated. :) She can laugh all she wants, but you need to keep reminding her of your accomplishments AND thank her for striving to IMPROVE your efforts, not derail them.
And I can see where the IW is aiding and abetting the IC -- they plan to get you one way or the other. She can have a moment to air her thoughts, and then she has to have a timeout, so you can get back to writing what you have passion for. It may take a little bit for things to cycle around, but they do (I can testify to that!)
you need to keep reminding her of your accomplishments AND thank her for striving to IMPROVE your efforts, not derail them.
You mean do that Southern charming "put them in their place" maneuver of: "Bless your heart" followed by an insult that doesn't sound like an insult? Basically dish it right back. *LOL*
Jenn, it's tough to find the right balance when we've got all these voices giving advice! I would actually enjoy the novelty of a voice telling me something is good for a change. LOL
Hellie, yes! That's what I love about previous centuries -- they always had very elegant ways of insulting a person. I want to learn how to do that for my I.C. :)
I think I've mostly tamed my IC. Or maybe she's tamed me? I know I can trust her when she's being specific, like 'this part moves too slowly.' Then she's usually right. It's when she talks in generalities, like 'you suck, this MS is crap' that I have to stick my fingers in my ears. After a few days she usually shuts up.
Tracey, that's exciting to hear that the IC can be tamed. I like to hear the specifics too, because I can't fix "this is crap". LOL
It reminds me of a friend years ago who was trying to make this chip dip for a party. She kept adding things and grumbling and adding more stuff. I thought I could help her analyze it so she could fix it, so I asked, "What is it you don't like about it?" She said, "The taste!" LOL That was a little too BIG to fix.
I think our I.C.s do the same, and if they don't help us out, they're gonna have to keep nagging. Don't they get tired of that? I wish they would at least get hoarse!
Woo hoo! We've managed to rehab all the inner critics by lunchtime (Eastern time). We ARE good. LOL
Sorry, I'm just settling in for the normal part of my day. But kiddo's teeth are clean!
Thanks, Marn, you took the words right out of my fingers. LOL!
Welcome aboard, Jenny! Ladies, Ms. Brown will be gracing us with a guest spot next month, and then we'll get the scoop on this LORD LIGHTNING and stare at the juicy cover all day. LOL!
No idea how to tame, rehab, or generally shut my I.C. up. My first thought, like Chance, was to kill 'em all. But I suppose as others have pointed out, they serve a purpose. *sigh*
Mine generally does the, "This needs to be better. Can't you think of a more interesting way to say that? Something that makes you sound half intelligent?" That's the I.C.'s biggest guns. The "You're not and English Major, you know."
I hate that one.
Yay for kiddo's teeth! LOL
I do think the I.C. serves a purpose. Unfortunately they need to be REMINDED of it, since they get very high and mighty most days. Since they're a culmination of every discouraging voice we've heard in our lives, it does give them an inflated sense of superiority.
They are very good at pressing on the tender spots, which is why I think they need to be rehabilitated. They need to do more than point out trouble areas in a way that decimates us. How can we fix them when we're drowning our sorrows and fears in rum?
Well, ICs do serve a purpose. They keep the kraken fed.
You know, the trick is... If an inner voice is actually assisting you with some improvement, it isn't really an IC. It's your inner self reminding you what you already know.
But if it's just a bitchy little thing, full of the not good enough crap, it isn't assisting. And it isn't part of you. It's the grade school bully or the nasty teacher in 3rd grade or the aunt who told you things for your own good...
These other voices embed themselves in the brain and we buy what they say... Quit buying it. When you hear something really helpful, it's actually YOU talking. The rest are invaders and must be destroyed.
It's a really pretty cover, Donna! ;-)
Don't belong to you, dump 'em.
Chance, you tease you! I can't wait to see the cover, AND the book. :)
I agree that the "not good enough" crap is all the other voices we've heard and accumulated over the years. It makes sense to dump them.
BUT, we don't. We succumb to them. Why is it easier to believe what we write is crap rather than "Holy sh*t, I wrote a book!" More people TALK about writing a book than actually doing it. I doubt they're beating themselves up like those of us who actually ATTEMPT to write--yet we expect perfection when we do.
We deserve more kudos from ourselves than we get. :)
The problem is that we qualify things, Donna. I wrote a book but what I say is I wrote a shitty first draft of a book that needs months of work before it's a book worth reading. It's the qualifying that gets us.
And our I.C. definitely knows the exact buttons to push. And boy do they push them. I'm actually in a better mood today and feel like writing for the first time in weeks. We'll see if I get anything done. (Not that I'm avoiding doing my day job stuff. Nope, not me...)
And the cover is really cool. ;)
I know what you mean about the qualifying, Terri, because I do it too. Constantly. Although some days are better than others. LOL
The funny thing is I've had this same I.C. around no matter WHAT endeavor I pursue -- not just writing. It has some kind of tape measure with it at all times, so it can compare me to everyone else.
Yeah, let's feed them to the Kraken. LOL
I wanna see that cover!
The I.C. doesn't partake in other areas of my life. Wait, I do have an I.C. when it comes to my personal life, but nowhere else. And I won't even go into the horrible things that bitch has to say.
In all other areas, I just jump in and say, "I can do this and I can do it well." WHY can't I carry that into writing?! Damn it, I've never thought of this before. Now I want to figure it out. LOL!
Boy, when I kill a blog, I kill it dead.
I've been learning, slowly but surely, that nothing will shut my inner critic up like writing despite her prattling. Eventually, the words flowing onto the page become loud enough to drown her out!
Geez, you bet those voices are everywhere! Sh*t, I hear them when I drive! When I order in a restaurant...honestly...just so much drivel. But they are there!
Tibby, you may be right. You just learn to drown them out. One of the reasons I think I do best when I write at Starbucks, where there are distractions enough that the voices are just one more to be ignored! Or some nice loud music on the headphones can help out, too!
I do so enjoy the nice crunchy sound they make as the kraken chews...it is my prefered method!
The way we go on and on about hearing voices that talk to us and tell us things, I'm surprised the guys in the white coats haven't already shown up to take us away.
Voices? There are no voices in my head. There are people who talk to me, but they're real.
LOL!
Tibby, thanks for coming by. (I love the look of your website, by the way.) I think that's a good strategy for dealing with the endless I.C. nonsense. Nothing like being ignored to make somebody go away!
Terri, you didn't kill the blog. I had to run a couple errands and didn't think to announce that my I.C. and I were leaving for a bit -- well, not until the laptop was shut off! Sorry!
And don't worry about the "voices" making people think you're crazy -- that's only for people who DON'T write. LOL (Talk about motivation to work on our manuscripts now! LOL)
Great topic, Donna. My I.C. mostly tells me that everyone else is just being nice to me when they say they like my work. That's why I enter so many writing contests because I know the judges will call it like they see it. :)
Clarissa -- LOL -- I hadn't thought about that with contests, but yes, they do indeed call it like they see it. So that will give the pesky I.C. another point of view!
P.S. I meant to add that Clarissa was a Golden Heart finalist this past year in the Historical category, so she has encountered (and survived) some of the toughest judges. :)
(i)Seriously, I’ve learned over the years that it’s a lot more dangerous to fall in love with my work than it is to see what’s wrong with it. (/i)
Jenny, not only is that good writing advice, that is great relationship advice. With just a little tweak here and there you end up with…
“Seriously, I’ve learned over the years that it’s a lot more dangerous to fall in love with a MAN than it is to see what’s wrong with HIM.”
LOL, Julie -- you can't say that to ROMANCE writers! If there's something wrong with him, we'll fix him (in the revisions). :)
Speaking of toughest judges ... I don't have an inner critic … I have sisters.
Of course I learned to ignore them years ago. Which makes me wonder
Maybe I do have an inner critic . But I am just being sisterly towards it.
That's what I love about romance writers, Donna. They've never met a man they couldn't manage!
It's like
You don't need marriage counseling or a separation or a divorce. What you need is... A Revision! ;)
Feel free to tell us how you get your inner critic to do a better job.
Ben hur
It's like my "soup" answer. So of course it makes complete sense.
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