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Tuesday, August 17, 2010
From the Last to the First
I had actually planned a different topic today, and was working feverishly to polish it for presentation to you pirates. Since I may use it at a later date, I don't want to give away too much just yet. Mmm. I know! I'll show it to you in code:
Anyway, I was working along and then another idea just shoved its way to the front of my brain. Don't worry. I've given up hope that my ideas will have manners one day, since they're such heathens. But I understood why it had decided to show up now, because last night I had been perusing The Fire in Fiction, by Donald Maass. He is a superstar when it comes to making the writing craft not only easily understood, but easy to put into practice.
Here's what snagged my attention:
"What about your first and last lines? Suppose you did a first line/last line draft, doing nothing but honing the bookends of every scene in your manuscript. Would those little changes give your story a bigger and more effective shape?"
I've also tried to punch up the last line, with the goal to make it irresistible, so the reader won't set the book down at the end of a scene or chapter. If they do, I hope it's because they kept reading until Mr. Sandman cold-cocked them. When their snoring finally wakes them up, they had better grab that book and immediately turn the page.
Mr. Maass describes the first/last sentences as bookends, which makes sense, because you want the stuff in between those two sentences to be logically connected, from beginning to end. If they're NOT, then perhaps the last line needs to show up SOONER, or the first line needs to show up LATER.
However, being the contrarian I am, I want to focus on how the last line leads into the first line. That is an important link, because the last line is setting up the expectation, so the first line had better deliver.
Okay, I'll be brave and throw out a couple last/first lines for public consumption. I'm not saying I've necessarily ACHIEVED the goal of setup and delivery, but I'm trying to keep it in mind as I write and revise.
This is from I Do. . .or Die, my romantic comedy:
Last: I opened the bathroom door, weak-kneed with relief at how I'd just dodged a figurative bullet--to see the barrel of a gun inches from my nose.
First: My hands flew up into the air, like I'd just walked into a stickup.
And here's a last/first combo from a manuscript I'm revising, called Bad Sex Karma. The poor heroine has been dumped by her boyfriend, at a restaurant, on their anniversary, and after falling apart in the bathroom, she decides to come back out to exact some revenge.
(Mmm. Both of these snippets are in bathrooms. What a curious coincidence.)
Last: I jumped up and grabbed the door handle with such determination, I nearly yanked the door off its hinges.
First: I savagely bit off a piece of bread, wishing my teeth were tearing into Bobo's black heart instead.
So do we have some others willing to demonstrate their last/first lines? Or how about some last/first lines that you like in a book you're enjoying now? If not, I've socked away some potential topics for tangents we can follow instead!
%$#@!^*&ion as a Writing #$@!
Anyway, I was working along and then another idea just shoved its way to the front of my brain. Don't worry. I've given up hope that my ideas will have manners one day, since they're such heathens. But I understood why it had decided to show up now, because last night I had been perusing The Fire in Fiction, by Donald Maass. He is a superstar when it comes to making the writing craft not only easily understood, but easy to put into practice.
Here's what snagged my attention:
"What about your first and last lines? Suppose you did a first line/last line draft, doing nothing but honing the bookends of every scene in your manuscript. Would those little changes give your story a bigger and more effective shape?"
In my manuscripts, I've worked to make sure the first line grabs the reader's attention and leads them to the next line, and then the next, kind of like handing off the baton in a relay race. Each sentence is supposed to do its part to keep the momentum going, linking to the one behind it, and the one ahead of it.
I've also tried to punch up the last line, with the goal to make it irresistible, so the reader won't set the book down at the end of a scene or chapter. If they do, I hope it's because they kept reading until Mr. Sandman cold-cocked them. When their snoring finally wakes them up, they had better grab that book and immediately turn the page.
Mr. Maass describes the first/last sentences as bookends, which makes sense, because you want the stuff in between those two sentences to be logically connected, from beginning to end. If they're NOT, then perhaps the last line needs to show up SOONER, or the first line needs to show up LATER.
However, being the contrarian I am, I want to focus on how the last line leads into the first line. That is an important link, because the last line is setting up the expectation, so the first line had better deliver.
Okay, I'll be brave and throw out a couple last/first lines for public consumption. I'm not saying I've necessarily ACHIEVED the goal of setup and delivery, but I'm trying to keep it in mind as I write and revise.
This is from I Do. . .or Die, my romantic comedy:
Last: I opened the bathroom door, weak-kneed with relief at how I'd just dodged a figurative bullet--to see the barrel of a gun inches from my nose.
First: My hands flew up into the air, like I'd just walked into a stickup.
And here's a last/first combo from a manuscript I'm revising, called Bad Sex Karma. The poor heroine has been dumped by her boyfriend, at a restaurant, on their anniversary, and after falling apart in the bathroom, she decides to come back out to exact some revenge.
(Mmm. Both of these snippets are in bathrooms. What a curious coincidence.)
Last: I jumped up and grabbed the door handle with such determination, I nearly yanked the door off its hinges.
First: I savagely bit off a piece of bread, wishing my teeth were tearing into Bobo's black heart instead.
So do we have some others willing to demonstrate their last/first lines? Or how about some last/first lines that you like in a book you're enjoying now? If not, I've socked away some potential topics for tangents we can follow instead!
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158 comments:
Oh, man. I hate these sorts of dissection discussions... Sigh. Really, my head began to spin and my eyes to blur as I read this.
(My muse started la la la la la-ing...)
But I'll try to play along. If I understand what you're asking. Just last lines of a paragraph then the first of the following paragraph?
Last line... Release, all he wanted was release.
First line...Revenge wouldn’t be bad either.
Silvestri, at the end of the first chapter/prologue, contemplating his curse.
Oh, it's last lines of a paragraph and then first of the following? I'm easily confused. :)
Here's my first paragraph's last line and my second paragraph's first line....
Last line... She didn’t need their small talk and she definitely didn’t want their sympathy.
First line... Baron Stafford had wanted an orgy.
Stafford is a sadomasochist.
Stafford is a sadomasochist?
Umm
She might not want it, but she's gonna get it.
My sympathy that is!
Great Last lines/first lines BTW everyone!
I thought she meant last line of a chapter and then first line of the next chapter.
Donna, if you were trying to give me hives, you succeeded. I'm off to find rum laced with Benedryl.
Sorry, guys! This is what happens when I run out of post ideas! LOL
And I did mean last chapters of a chapter, and first lines of the next one.
But don't fret! Let's go off onto a tangent instead. :)
Chance, those are great lines -- they follow each other, but they also advance the story and add plenty of intrigue.
So get that muse back here! She deserves an atta girl!
Marn, those are great! I'm assuming the POV changes in between those two lines?
I've got a sense of the heroine from that line--her feelings of ennui, and that something's happened. Which I assume will make her willing to consider the Baron's wild self. :)
Ack -- why do I try to type when I haven't had caffeine?
I meant last lines of a chapter although my earlier comment said "last chapters of a chapter". I don't know how I come up with that stuff. LOL
Terri, I thought you'd be so happy -- LOL -- I actually talked about the plot of one of my books!
This is one of those things on my list for revisions, but the list is so long and this is so far down, that thinking about it freaks me out. Though I appreciate the attempted distraction of waving plot points out in the open. :)
I'll check what I have here at work to see if I might have pulled this off accidentally.
Great examples, ladies!
BTW, I've thought about writing the rough draft straight through without breaking into chapters. I think that would lend to not losing the connection from one line to the next and make it easier to find organic places to break up the work.
What do you think?
I REALLY need to read Maass. Goign through my WIP I can see I'm failing miserably at the last sentence/first sentence goal. The only combo I did like is below. Something about the move from funny commentary to showcasing how right the last lines are is what I like.
The set-up is that the hero Jim, a cop, is back in his hometown and is still in love with the heroine Ronnie. The last lines are from the POV of Jim's partner Robert. Robert provides much of the comic relief for this story.
Last Lines from Robert's POV: "He loved watching the men around him fall hard for the right woman. Made them easier to get along with."
First Lines: "Knocking on Ronnie's door, Jim wondered for the third time if it had been such a good idea to just show up like this."
Ter, I work that way. I think it helps my creativity a bit by allowing me to think about what's going on in the story and not think about where to end a chapter and begin a new one.
Sin - A word of warning. I suggested this to Hellie once and the reaction was not good. I wouldn't bring this up at the library if I were you. LOL!
Okay, so it's the cliffhanger of a chapter, but reversed to show the first line delivery of the next chapter?
First line: Ben didn't panic often.
Last line: He must be dead.
I like that idea Terri, of writing straight through the rough draft without breaking into chapters. What I seem to do is, half intentional and half organically finding those places to break. When I start revising the chapters double or triple and I wind up splitting them and changing chapter numbers down the line. Ugh! I think your way would eliminate that renumbering somewhat.
Terri, I was kinda doing that with my current WIP -- writing in scenes, rather than worrying about chapters, to see what it was like. And I kind of like it, because it seems like I can feel where the end should be. And the scene goes on as long as it needs to, and accomplishes what it's supposed to.
Definitely give it a try. :) Later you can decide where to have your "last line", even if it isn't a last line at the moment. It can help speed up the pacing or slow it down, depending on what you want it to do.
Okay, I found one. End of chapter 1 to beginning of chapter 2. Set up is that my heroine is about to faint. (Yes, this is a contemporary.)
Last line: The second before it all went black, Emma managed to say, “Catch me, Charlie.”
First line: “I can’t believe Charlie didn’t catch you,” Catherine said, fighting a chuckle. “You warned him and everything.”
I'm pretty sure the last time Hellie saw I was actually typing in Word with double space and indention I thought she might have a stroke. Usually I'm single spaced, no indention for paragraphs and no chapters. My brain doesn't function creatively when it's tied to conformity.
Scape -- there's no thinking that you're failing miserably! I definitely recommend reading Donald Maass, although I prefer his Writing the Breakout Novel Workbook, probably because I had so many "Aha!" moments with it that improved one of my manuscripts.
So all of this "craft" stuff is meant to give possibilities to work with, not hinder your creativity. :) I don't think most of my last line/first line combos fit this profile. But it makes me think about it. :) Plus, a lot of mine didn't work out of context -- they needed the other lines to make sense.
I love Robert! I can see he's making that a fun story to read! I also like how it sounds like he's playing matchmaker -- or at least mediator. :) AND he's advancing his own cause. Good job!
Ter, yours cracked me up. "You warned him and everything." LMFAO
And I can play the game today because I actually have my MS pulled up in an attempt to save everything on my old computer today before I rip the office apart tomorrow putting new equipment in. :)
Last Line: I bit my lip to keep from thinking about how his body would feel underneath mine as I slipped over his hips and ripped his clothes off.
First Line: “You’re fogging up the windows, Michaels.” Dex cut his eyes to me as he used his shirt sleeve to wipe down the windshield. “Stop daydreaming about me and pay attention.”
Marn, we're not reversing them -- we're just STARTING with the last line, so we can see where it leads into the first line of the next chapter.
So if your last line is "He must be dead", then I'm DEFINITELY flipping to the next page to see what happens. (I'm assuming it's Ben?)
And then I find out he's panicked, about surviving a near-death experience? Oh yeah, I'm reading on to see what happens next! Those link together very nicely, keeping the reader intrigued, which is the goal!
Very nice!
Good job, Scape!
Sin, I love that. LOL! No wonder he annoys her so damn much, the man can read her mind!
And I don't have chapters. I have no idea what's what. LOL
Terri, those lines are perfect! LOL I love it. The expectation is that Charlie will do the heroic thing, and ya gotta turn the page to see if he does, and then you find out he didn't even catch THE HINT.
Great job.
I'm curious what your other blog was going to be about. LOL
Aw, thanks, guys. This was one that I'd revised already and then revised to post it here. LOL! Now I'm curious to check later in the MS where I haven't revised yet.
My brain doesn’t function creatively when it’s tied to conformity.
Eeek, Sin -- say it isn't so! LOL
Those are great lines, Sin -- there's no doubt how she's feeling in the last line, but then the first line SHOWS it, and adds the irony of him teasing her about something she's trying to hide.
See? You guys are doing this already! You're naturals!
*beams proudly at everyone*
I’m curious what your other blog was going to be about. LOL
It wouldn't have been so torturous for all of you. LOL I think.
Donna, I did not give you permission to write my dating biography. And Bobo is not what I called the guy: BOZO is what I called the guy.
Okay, checked the rest of the MS. Not. Pretty. Man, now the hives are back...
LOL, Hellie -- I need to change the name "Bobo" at some point, but since that's what the ex called people that he considered a little less than smart, AND he's the one who inspired this story -- well, you can see where it's a little hard to let go of that name. LOL
I don't find this torturous, but as we know, I can't write in chapters. LOL
Oh, Ter, it can't be that bad. Nothing I have is edited. In fact, most of it is written in ink in an old tore up paper notebook.
Perspective dear. Perspective. It will clean up nicely.
I had to DIG because I realized after glancing at first and last lines to the first 5 chapters of the manuscript is that they don't bookend well (since the POV shifts) and they suck. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
But here is the end of Chapter 6:
Adam couldn’t look at Lillith because if he did, he’d have to acknowledge this little nightmare was happening. He watched Eve instead, whose aqua blue eyes widened and flicked over Lillith, as if trying to determine who she was. “I’m the ex-wife, actually.”
“What a coincidence,” Lillith said, “so am I.”
Beginning of Chapter 7:
It wasn’t enough Adam shoved her to the sidewalk and almost into the street to her death, oh, no. He had to compound her humiliation by bringing his supermodel ex-ex-wife to the show.
Yes, sadly this was the BEST I had to offer you. No wonder my mojo won't return.
Hmm, why did I think it was reversed? I need more coffee too. LOL Yep, Ben is panicked, but not because he survived near-death -- he's panicked because he didn't.
Love the examples! Terri's flip from the expected to the unexpected is great. :)
That's what I noticed about mine, a chapter break happened with a change of POV but also a change of location and time. Right now my chapters are pretty long. I think I need to shorten them and that might help.
Donna - How long are your chapters? I know Hellie's are about half as long as mine.
*blows whistle*
Okay, everybody! No freaking out! There's nothing wrong with anybody's manuscripts! :)
Remember, these aren't "rules", or even "guidelines". They are "suggestions" of things that CAN work for your book -- but it doesn't mean your book or your writing is broken if you don't do this. I like my manuscripts' last lines, but they don't ALWAYS set up the next line. (I'll find some to show you.)
I’ve thought about writing the rough draft straight through without breaking into chapters. I think that would lend to not losing the connection from one line to the next and make it easier to find organic places to break up the work.
What do you think?
My OCD reared up and said, "She's NUTS, she is!" So it's not for me. But if it works for you, great.
Sin can attest I bitched and nagged at her for a year about not doublespacing her manuscript or using a legible font.
Too late, Donna. You hit a hot button. LOL! There will be freaking out for the rest of the day.
We're going to need more rum to get through this.
I’m pretty sure the last time Hellie saw I was actually typing in Word with double space and indention I thought she might have a stroke. Usually I’m single spaced, no indention for paragraphs and no chapters. My brain doesn’t function creatively when it’s tied to conformity.
Clearly you need to go back to your creative formatting and ignore me. It's not like I'm allowed to read anymore and comment, so it shouldn't matter.
Hellie, your mojo is kicking ass! Those are great. After reading the last line, I'm thinking, "WTF? Two ex-wives?" (I'm also enjoying Adam's discomfiture -- LOL)
Then the POV change, and the outrage -- especially that bringing the ex-wife to the show was worse than a near-death experience. LOL I like how you've tied them together, AND you've created tension with it.
You did great!
I heart Lilith.
I'm SORRY!
It's not like I've been writing in order so that whoever is reading it can follow it in any sort of orderly fashion.
Would you like to read my notebook?
I love that double spaced is conformity, but single spaced is free balling it.
Okay, checked the rest of the MS. Not. Pretty. Man, now the hives are back…
Terri likes to tie up all her loose ends every chapter. It's funny. We had a discussion about hooking lines.
You'll fix it, Terri. The story is good. This is just revision stuff, which you're doing.
*puts on asbestos suit*
Sorry, guys! Luckily for you I have to dash out this afternoon, so you can have a break!
Terri, my chapters are longer with the historical, but they have several scenes in them. That kind of fits the style of historicals, I think. So I guess each scene has to do that last line/first line linkage, which increases the pressure.
Since I started writing historicals, I tried to do longer chapters when I tried contemps. And with I Do or Die, it just felt like things were meandering along. One day I split the chapter right in between two sentences -- and it just came alive -- funnier, better pacing -- so now I keep contemp chapters shorter.
I love that double spaced is conformity, but single spaced is free balling it.
I need this t-shirt:
Double spaced is conformity. I'm a single spaced free spirit.
LMFAO
I know Hellie’s are about half as long as mine.
Sounds a lot like our phone conversations.
I'd like to see an industry average on chapter length. It seems like chapter length is a personal preference to the writer. I see authors who write really short, compact chapters. And authors who write chapters so long I forget I'm still in the same chapter. I prefer shorter chapters when I'm reading 1st POV. Longer if 3rd POV- there tends to be more scenes and actions among multiple characters that need extra space for detailing.
Too late, Donna. You hit a hot button. LOL! There will be freaking out for the rest of the day.
But the participation and comments should be through the roof. Great blog, Donna. *LOL*
I love that double spaced is conformity, but single spaced is free balling it.
You haven't SEEN how she writes it. She doesn't do just single-spaced with indention, she'll add an extra white space line between paragraphs. My brain just shuts down at the thought of going through a 400 page manuscript and re-formatting it to correct publishing guidelines so someone will bother reading it.
Believe me she's FREE BALLING IT.
I know Hellie’s are about half as long as mine.
Sounds a lot like our phone conversations.
If I didn't know better I would think we're comparing something else today.
LOL! I think giving a paragraph might be better to retain context.
Last and first of Chapter 1-2.
Against her will, she recalled the feel of his hands on her own, the rush of attraction. That sort of thing couldn’t happen again. The man already knew too many of her vulnerabilities. She wouldn’t allow him another.
***
After James left Miss Jordan, he couldn’t return home. Instead, he visited his club. Two hours of drinking and brooding did little to soothe him and he left to pace the streets. He decided not to visit his most recent consort, a buxom newly-widowed brunette. It felt unfair to subject her to his surly mood.
That's true. Freaking out and bitching about it is better than freaking out and going into hiding. Which is what we'd normally do. LOL!
I do need to shorten the chapters. And that's what I was thinking, just break it in the middle of something. Hook the reader and then BOOM, end the chapter.
I feel better having a plan. LOL! (Yes, Hellie, I'm sure you told me to do this a long time ago. I should have listened.)
My handwriting in a notebook is worse. Not only do I have the scribble going on, I don't indent, space, or leave white lines between anything. It looks... busy.
I think shorter chapters emphasize (or in my case give the illusion of) faster pace. I like to give the illusion that there is tension and pace in my novels--esp since I'm not doing anything cool like becoming a vampire or hunting a serial killer. I also personally like shorter chapters. I do think Dan Brown--who also seems to like short chapters--takes it to an extreme. Pretty soon he's going to have one sentence chapters.
Marn, I love this. In the first paragraph, you can almost just see her in your mind. The faint blush splashed against her cheeks, her hands clasped tightly together in her lap as she remained seated in the same spot he left her.
Okay, I have no idea if that's the case, but it's a very visual paragraph.
My notebooks look like schizophrenics write in it. You're not going to turn in a notebook to a publisher. *LOL*
But again, whatever works for you. It's clearly more important to get the story down now than to worry where you should make chapter breaks and stuff like that.
Also writing like you do would discourage re-reading of pages (in my opinion) because I certainly wouldn't have an interest in reading the whole of my 130 pages I have so far to "get the rhythm" again. *LOL*
I am loving everything everyone is sharing. Makes me annoyed we're not published yet and I can't buy the books to read straight through.
Hellie, I think shorter chapters emphasize a faster pace (regardless if it actually does or not). It also makes me feel like as a reader that the story is progressing at a rate I find acceptable. I don't get bogged down in the details of it all. I'm allowed to read, enjoy and watch the story unfold instead of muddling through it.
That would be awesome if I could just turn in a notebook and VOILA! published. That would be even more old school than Stephen King.
I’d like to see an industry average on chapter length.
This was right under Sin's name, but I'm thinking her account got hacked into. LOL Sin wants industry standards? WTF? :)
I hate indenting paragraphs - for some reason it drives me batty. So I refuse to do it in my draft. It just looks plain wrong to me. :)
She only wants industry standards so she can break the standards.
Marn, you're right about needing more context, especially with historicals. I like how you've left off with her decision to retreat, especially since she'd rather do otherwise! (And knowing she's going to be struggling with that decision through the book.)
Then it leads perfectly into his surliness, and we know the reason for it, because he's struggling as well.
Very nice!
I’d like to see an industry average on chapter length.
I wonder about that too. I think the average is getting shorter. Part of it might be the habit more writers have of submitting to critique groups -- or that's just when I started noticing. Like, in the group I was in (a couple years ago now) there was a high chapter word limit (like 3,000 words? - maybe more), but no one would touch them, or if they did, would comment they were 'too long.' The moderator kept saying this was average, but it seemed to show a short attention span of readers or something.
My average "benchmark" seems to be 15 DS pages. Much longer, and I get itchy fingers to split the chapter. I could imagine having a one sentence chapter though for effect.
Hellie, you're right about shorter chapters creating a faster pace. You're also right about doing whatever works for you, because it's more important that you write the story. "Story first" is my new motto. (Until I come up with a new one. LOL)
It IS more of a tease than I'd anticipated, having all these great snippets to read and no book to curl up with. Sigh. :)
She only wants industry standards so she can break the standards.
*hits forehead with palm*
Of course! I knew that! Really.
I think we're seeing shorter and shorter chapters because we're getting shorter and shorter attention spans. Shorter chapters is just another trick to keep people engaged and not to run off to Facebook to update their status.
I blame sitcoms. Sitcoms are designed for the short attention span. Each segment of a sitcom--you have like 3 commercial breaks?--has a first line/last line approach, then ties up neatly at the end. I think we've come to expect, to want that sort of pacing.
Melissa, I average about 15 pages or I start wanting to split them off. *LOL* Maybe it is a critiquing thing. *LOL*
I still think it depends what you're writing. I think contemporaries encourage shorter chapters, but fantasies (traditional fantasies) encourage longer chapters. (I don't know what historicals encourage--I've seen both and liked both.)
I agree historicals tend to have longer chapter, but I'm reading Eloisa James' new book and so far, the chapters average 7 pages each. Which is SHORT, IMO. I think it works because of the fairy tale nature of this story.
Okay, adding to the list to shorten my chapters. They run 17 to 20 pages right now.
There's no reason to worry about the formatting in your rough draft, Sin. Though without the indenting, it will be a bitch to do the whole thing at once. But if that works, then run with it. (Sounds a little loopy, but who are we to judge?)
;)
Melissa, that's funny about people thinking the chapters were too long. I do think our attention spans have changed, and they're probably going to get worse thanks to things like texting and twitter. When I was younger I would deliberately pick the BIGGEST books when I went to the library, because if I liked a book, I wanted to stay in that story as long as possible. LOL
Now I don't feel like I have that kind of time. So I guess authors now have to make me feel like I'm embedded in a story but do it in fewer pages.
You can just select all and indent. Formatting complete.
I would never adhere to the industry chapter length. But for my curiosity alone (not to mention I have this insatiable need for information, no matter how trivial to cram into every nook and cranny in my brain) wants to know what the average is and then I want to find out what in our writer brains makes us roll a chapter over after a certain number of pages.
I think it has a lot to do with personal preference and how we perceive where the story is going within those pages. But another part of me agrees with Hellie. In order to appeal to wider audiences, our chapters need to be shorter because attention spans have shorted tremendously over decades.
Sin, I suspect a lot of the storytelling "rules" have come about because of shorter attention spans. I think of some of the classics and how they would go on and on and on, and that was just to get you into the story -- LOL Of course, they might have been paid by the word, so they had a good motivation for that.
But readers of those eras also expected it would take forever to finish reading a book -- maybe a chapter a night by the fireplace before the candles burned out. LOL
Now, with books being so portable. . .and disposable, we can be more demanding about chapters being quicker, etc.
Have you ever read Henry James? The man wouldn't end a sentence nevermind a chapter. I'd say we've progressed quite a ways since then.
Okay, adding to the list to shorten my chapters. They run 17 to 20 pages right now.
I would look to see what the average length of chapters is for SEP first before doing this.
I think Donna and I lend ourselves to shorter chapters because we're more humor based, more chick-lit. The heartstring contemporaries tend to have longer chapters because to get people "emotionally involved" with the characters to cry over them, I think, requires slower pacing, longer chapters. It depends on the kind of contemporary you're writing.
My chapters are 10-12 pages usually, but mine run short for romantic suspense, I think. I feel like 15-20 is the norm in the books I read.
Hal, that's awesome! So many great questions pop into my brain with the "She's my wife" line, and then you keep it going right into the wife's POV in the next sentence. I think you've got a winner. :)
I think the "suggestions" about last lines/first lines definitely work for scene breaks, so no worries there. I do like the thought of this ending the chapter though. :)
Nice job!
Great connection, Hal! Though in the first part, I got confused about who was talking. I read it as Jo saying "She's my wife", which I'm pretty sure is wrong.
Hells - I'll check hers out first. This is just from looking at what I have, shortening them up a bit would increase the page turner aspect. Not too much, maybe make them 12 to 15 instead. But who knows what it'll look like after revisions.
Hellie, I agree with the chapter length being dependent on the "emotional involvement". That's a great way to describe the different chapter needs.
Hal, it's been 6 months or so since I read FM buti forgot how much I love Kersey and Naomi.
And Jo feels so much more Cosmo here than in White Lie.... probably because of the jail time....
LOL Ter. Sorry about that -- "he" is Kersey, the hero of the story, and it was his wife, not Jo's *g*
My chapters are about 15 pages give or take.
And thanks for all the compliments ladies. :)
Thanks, everyone, for sharing your last/first lines. I've really enjoyed reading them -- I can't wait to read the books. Mmm, what can I do for my next post that will have more excerpts AND won't piss off the pirates. . .
*cackle and rubs hands together*
And Jo feels so much more Cosmo here…. probably because of the jail time….
LMAO!!! A few years in jail will do that to anybody
I read it as Jo saying “She’s my wife”, which I’m pretty sure is wrong.
Soooo glad I'm not the only one who did that. *LOL* I was like, "Are we in California? Before Prop 8?"
Ohh, I accidentally added an extra space. the "Why? What's she to you" is still Josephine's dialog
I blame sitcoms.
Me too, amongst other things for our short attention span. Like electricity. LOL That started it. Can you imagine, as Donna pointed out, sitting by the fire and reading a short chapter? Like Faulkner's one sentence chapter in "As I Lay Dying," My mother is a fish.
That's all for tonight. Off to bed, now kids. LOL
It's like the short story is the new long story. Literary short stories of the past would be split into half a dozen chapters in today's world, which would change them completely. And books today are bigger. More pages, although the added white space with shorter chapters probably contributed to publishers blanching about the cost to print.
Huh. My CAPTCHA is MELD.
I remember that scene, Hal. I still say you're the queen of cliffhangers. :)
You have to admit, My mother is a fish is one hell of a cliffhanger.
Yeah, but I had a hard time with his humor. I was very thankful my Lit class instructor explained it to me. There was a lot of hair pulling and moaning, "but what does it mean?" LOL
All I saw was "As I Lay Dying" and immediately thought of the band.
*forehead smack*
LOL, Melissa, about the one sentence reading fest before it was time for bed. It IS a great cliffhanger though -- in fact, I bet the kids couldn't get to sleep, trying to figure out what's next!
So am I correct in thinking my head won't end up on a stake with a "Ye Be Warned" sign underneath? :) I've got to dash out for a little bit.
Here's a cliffhanger for you to finish (can't wait to see what you devise!):
If I don't get to Sephora pretty soon. . .
I'm sorry, if I saw "My mother is a fish", I'd just put the book down. It does not move me as a cliffhanger. I just think, "Jeez, some stupid English major is trying to make a fucking statement again."
Ohhh! Sephora could be place or person...interesting!
If I don't get to Sephora pretty soon, people are going to know what I really look like...and that would be unforgivable.
If I don’t get to Sephora pretty soon, people are going to know what I really look like…
and then I'll have to kill them.
Okay, being in my own story mode, I took the liberty of substituting "Sephoria" for my heroine. In the POV of a villain making her think she's insane:
If I don't get to Sephora pretty soon, she will blow my carefully laid plans out of the water. The scandal will ruin us. Unacceptable.
I'll poison her tea. Yes, that's what I'll have to do. She's been too right, too calm. I needed to push...just a little. That would put us on track.
I can't believe we've hit 100 comments before lunch is over. And on a topic where no one wanted to play. LOL! We could set new records today, me hearteys.
I swear, I'm trying to get up earlier! I miss so much...
My chapters run anywhere from 8-12 pages. And I know when I'm reading, the need to put the book down and go do something is very frustrated when I'm in the midst of a 30 page chapter. I like to stop at chapters...
DRD, thanks...I thought it was line from paragraph to paragraph. I'll find one from chapter to chapter...
All the examples sound intriguing and I'm with Hel's, we need some published to make it easier to read whole stories.
If I don't get to Sephora pretty soon the teeth whitening will begin to fade and everyone will know about my caffeine addiction.
Yes, Chance, where you been? :) I'm supposed to be baking for a wedding and get the goodies in the freezer so I won't have to do it when school starts. Supposed to be, but this is too fun. :)
OK, found a good one, I think.
Emily has been blind blasted by waltzing vampires and is temporarily blind. Silvestri has come to her rescue and is planning seduction. He tells her covering her eyes will help with the pain...
She nodded and he carefully wound a narrow scarf around her short wavy hair, enjoying the brush of it on his fingers. She sat back and he smiled, quite entranced.
This was going to be delightful.
Next chapter
She should be running for the hills. She should be…no, she probably was wrapped tightly in a straightjacket and calmly pounding her head against a rubber wall somewhere.
She was not sitting in a dark tavern, blindfolded, with a man who admitted to dishonorable intentions.
Well, Melissa, been adjusting to pissy nights where night sweats disturb my sleep. Tried a new blanket, fresh sheets and last night went better. But I'm going to start shooting for being up by 8...try to beat the eastern noon time break.
And staying up too late since the husband doesn't get home until late because of his hated job and so we don't eat until nearly 9pm, so bedtime gets pushed back...
God, I hate his job. More than he does...
*LOL* Perfect example, 2nd. I always love how one character is like, "This is going to be wonderful!" and the next chapter, the other character would rather have bamboo shoved under her fingernails.
Julie Garwood was so fun at this. I loved how her heroine would be all, "My husband is sooo wonderful" at the end of a chapter, and the opening of the next chapter was always, "Her husband was the devil." *LOL*
Chance - I love that example. Definitely would not be able to stop reading at that chapter break.
Melissa - So we're at the top of your HOA? Cool.
Thanks, Hellie! I swear, when I read Donna's blog last night I just shuddered at the idea of casting such a clinical eye on my MS...
Me merry pirate muse contemplated aiming a pistol at DRD's cabin...
I'm just too bloody superstitious to embrace this sort of editing! ;-)
Chance, you're example has a great cat and mouse quality to it! :)
You're schedule sounds rough to adjust to...I know I'm more of a late night person and had a heck of a time this summer with a 7 am class. Won't do that again!
Yep, Bo'Sun. Hanging out here is at the top of my HOA today. LOL Everybody has to play sometimes. :)
Eeek. Two goof's on possessive of "your." Your example and your schedule...Just bugging me. LOL Where'd everybody go?
I think everyone went to lunch. Just ate mine at my desk. Now I have to dig into this mystery pile of paperwork on my desk. No telling what's in here.
Big storms moving through and our power went off a few minutes ago. If I disappear, you'll know why.
Yes, I've been lunching. Good leftovers; however, now I need something sweet. May have to locate the snack machine.
Thanks, Melissa...the trick was keeping Emily's coping strategy amusing. She could panic and freak, instead she's taken the course of believing she's insane and all of this is some massive delusion. Leaves her free to not be so scared. Just wittily pragmatic.
I'm back from the mall. Thank God that's over -- I used to work there a few years ago so every time I go I suffer PTSD. And this time of year (back-to-school) is second to Christmas, so I would have preferred to stay away.
And the mirrors were very mean to me. Here I thought my new wrinkle cream was why my skin looked smoother. But I discovered I've gained more weight than I realized, so I'm actually FILLING OUT the wrinkles.
Sigh. Okay, gonna catch up on the comments I missed. . .
LOL, loved the Sephora comments. And Melissa, that was very creepily creative! (pours cup of tea overboard) I'm glad I inspired it -- along with your HOA activities. My heart beats with such fierce pride whenever I see you guys embracing it like you do. :)
Chance, loved the last/first lines! I like how he's delighted with what's happening, and she thinks she's going crazy -- instant conflict and tension since they're both experiencing the event SO differently. Great job. (And my apologies for causing you such distress.)
*dials Hottie's Hardware Store*
"Um, yeah. I'm looking for a door that can withstand gunfire AND ice pick attacks. Do you have anything like that? You do? Great. Can you send a couple of Hunks over to install that before my next post?"
Hmmm...maybe Hottie Hardware Store should be the theme for Sunday's blog... Now, where do I find the pics?!
It always amazes me Donna agreed to join the crew, considering how bloodthirsty we are.
LOL, Hellie -- I don't think the bloodthirsty aspect was really emphasized beforehand. :)
I just need to unleash my Inner Anarchist and my Inner Assasin. LOL I've been withholding.
And, Donna, I have very few wrinkles for the exact same reason. *sigh*
Wouldn't the Inner Anarchist refuse to be an Assasin since that would sort of be "working for The Man"?
Wouldn’t the Inner Anarchist refuse to be an Assasin since that would sort of be “working for The Man”?
You can be an assassin. You can just bump off people you don't like instead of doing someone else's list.
Leave it to Sin to have worked out the problems between being an anarchist AND an assassin.
I'm glad Sin answered Terri's question, because my brain was starting to boil -- heck, how can I be an Assassin when I can't even spell the word? (I typed and retyped it to the point it looked weird BOTH ways, so I just went with the last one. LOL)
The weight gain is making me insane. It's partially thyroid related but the doctor won't give me the meds just yet -- have to wait til my thyroid needs last rites I guess. LOL
Oh well. It's nice to be wrinkle-free. LOL
True, Hellie -- and I just realized I'd make the perfect assassin since I don't LOOK like one. LOL They'd look at me and think, "That wrinkle-free butterball? I ain't afraid of her--wait, is that a gun?" LOL
I could never be a butterball, my hair is too dark. I'm more of a meatloaf.
Well, nice thing about the butterball stuff...you float if you fall overboard.
LOL, Chance -- good point! I could just bob along in the ocean. . .
Terri, I nearly spit out my drink! You're too funny.
Thanks, Donna. I wish the joke wasn't quite so true. LOL!
You guys need a new tangent. This is supposed to be a fun ship. We're depressed enough about our writing, do we need to be depressed about our weight too?
Quick tangent: DRD, you need a thyroid support supplement. And this is *not* a cure-all and sometimes thyroid's can't be revived without heavy duty shit. But, we've had a lot of luck in the clinic with a supplement called, "Thytrophin PMG". It comes from a company called Standard Process which only sells to healthcare providers. But, you might log onto their website and see if there are any near you that might carry it.
Leave it to Sin to have worked out the problems between being an anarchist AND an assassin.
I had that worked out a long time ago. It was on the top of my game plan.
PS. You guys are even making the CAPTCHA code pissy. My code is 5SAD.
Thanks for the info, Sin -- I'll check it out. I just found out about the thyroid problems last fall, even though I should have suspected since my mom and sister had issues. I just thought the weight issues were from mentalpause. LOL
Sorry for running the ship aground, Hellie. I thought we lasted a long time before we went off on a tangent today, so hopefully we get credit for that!
Maybe I could uncork my new shower gel I bought today -- it smells like Jolly Rancher Watermelon candy! :)
Or maybe I'll suggest you whip out some more last/first lines! LOL
I *love* tangents; I just want HAPPY TANGENTS. I'm tired...and people at my day job are dropping like flies (no lie), so I'm keenly aware I need to be focusing on some positives.
Nothing positive over here. We've got major system breakdown at my day job and trying to get the managers to admit there's a problem is nearly impossible. Forget trying to get them to DO something about it.
And it's still storming outside. Loud thunder went off a minute ago and I nearly pee'd myself. LOL!
If we're going to open up shower gel, I want whatever it is that Ranger uses; I want a long shower; and I want Ranger to scrub my back...can that be arranged?
Okay I giggled at that image, but big thunderstorms--the big nasty ones that follow nasty hot weather--always feel more dangerous, like you might not live through it.
And I usually love rain/storms/et al. It's the big brutish, bitchy ones I don't care for.
Wouldn't it be better if he was scrubbing your front? Or better yet, you scrub his front.
We need more showers on this ship.
Mmm, let me think of a Happy Tangent. Mmm.
Well, this is a tangent. . .but I can't imagine how happy Sin will be when she finds out about you and Ranger doing the shower gel mambo. LOL
I just read that.
And I agree with Terri -- it seems like "front scrubbing" would be more fun.
*locks door to my quarters so nobody can see the nice big spacious shower that can hold one butterball and at least three Hotties*
I would love to tangent but I'm running the website on my phone and even with a keyboard it's hard to write long sentences with my thumbs.
*blinking* You call it the Nasty Duck?
I'm cheerfully going to throw Hellie overboard for a nice long ocean shower if she touches Ranger with his shower gel. That shower gel must be like instant orgasm. Or at least that's how I imagine it.
I actually have some. It smells like white tea and ginger from B&BW. So in my mind, Ranger's shower gel really smells like After Hours by Old Spice.
Heck with Ranger, I have a shower massager...multiple settings and the Nasty Duck is waterproof!
LOL -- Sin was inspired to put her thumbs to work!
Can you imagine if I have to go to an orthapaedic DR for thumb pain?
"I have this burning grinding pain in my thumbs."
DR, nodding, note taking, "And when did you first discover this pain?"
"When I tangented on the blog about my pirate bestie trying to shower with my imaginary boyfriend."
*blinking* You call it the Nasty Duck?
No, but the Nasty Duck likes to shower with me... and take baths with me.
*crooks eye at Sin* You forget my fine rubber ducky with the clever...battery?
Tea and ginger? On Ranger? No. No, he smells like you described. After hours--dangerous and manly and wonderful.
And yes, it'd be better if he scrubbed my front. I was being euphemistic.
Oh no, I've not forgotten about the BOB. I just didn't realize it was a Nasty Duck. lol
I'm imagining it most likely has an eye patch and pirate hat.
*shaking head* Wait, I don't want to think about BOB's owned by pirates. Bad mental image. Must. Get. It. Out. Of. My. Head.
Well, here'a a crazy tangent for ya: I think I'm gonna go try to do some (gulp) WRITING. I know, I know. I must be insane.
*WRITING*?! What's that? LOL
Alright, if you don't hear from me tomorrow and Friday, I've not been tossed overboard while DRD romps around in her room with the Dial-A-Hotties. I'm tearing out all the computer systems starting in the AM. I'm hoping to have the office back online by Monday.
You forget my fine rubber ducky with the clever…battery?
Huh?
Hey Chanch , did you spell that ducky word right?
We're going to need life preservers if this keeps going.
I'm headed home. Through the rain. Wish me luck.
*makes note to cut off water to DRD's cabin*
WTH, I've been bopping back and forth between blog, e-mail and MS. Go for it!
*throws Terri's note away*
Maybe she'll get rescued by a Navy SEAL on her way home in the storm. I mean, by TWO Navy SEALS, so I can have one. :)
Thanks for the warning about if you go missing, Sin. It won't be the same without you. I get dibs on Sin's stuff in her quarters!
Okay, this time I'm really going to write.
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