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Stay Tuned: Your Normal Programming Will Return Shortly...
Due to unforeseen circumstances [read: you know how you think you attached a file to an email and you didn't?], your normally scheduled blog has been replaced with this one. No worries, you'll be able to see the new blog later. So as you know what happens when something live on TV gets bumped by bad weather or writer's strikes or whathaveyou, you get The Sound of Music! So fire up your singing voices, ladies and gentlemen! The hills are alive...
*Hellion enters the ship’s sound stage wearing a nun-outfit. Cue laughter. Hellion adjusts her wimple, poses her hands before her in an exaggeratedly proper position and starts to sing: *
Hellion:
How do you solve a problem like a first draft?
How do you revise a book you wish would go away?
How do you find the strength to query?
Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?
Rum and Captain Jack?
Paxil?
Many a thing I need to do before I send it;
Many a thing to fix before an Editor sees
But what if it’s as badly written as my inner critic claims?
What if I’m going to need to move to Belize?
How do you solve a problem like a first draft?
Hellion: *warbling slowly*
How do you know when it’s revised enough to please?
*Other pirates also in black smocks and wimples enter stage, same hand pose and start singing: *
The blog is alive with the sound of cheering
With hurrahs we have sung with each book we complete
The blog is alive with the sound of cheering
Typing The End is a victory most sweet.
*Terri steps forward, throws off wimple and strips off smock, revealing a Regency gown; other pirates follow suit, revealing similar gowns*
Terri: How did this outfit ever become fashionable? You could be Kate Moss and still look pregnant in these dresses? Gah.
Hellion: No idea, Terr, but you look great and not at all pregnant. *stepping forward, holding a guitar*
Hoydens in dresses and Marquises in fashion,
Rakes chasing spinsters and kissing them with passion;
Rides ‘round Hyde Park in a fast coach and four
Oh, life of the Regency rich totally scores!
Bantering intrigues and eye-spying chaperones;
Careful who you kiss or your reputation’s all blown.
A viscount, a marquis, a duke or an earl
Oh, it’s so much fun being a Regency girl!
*The Earl of Mayne swaggers out onto the main stage and all the pirates swoon; Mayne winks charmingly at the camera*
When the dishes pile,
When the kids wail,
When I’m feeling guilty as hell
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just say: Oh, Well…
*pirates strip again and beneath is revealed to be contemporary clothing*
Chefs cooking in the bedroom and heroines eating cheap noodles,
Agents saving the USA and heroines with poodles;
Rides through the countryside in a bitching black Audi
Oh, life of the contemporary is so delightfully bawdy!
Bantering foreplay and toys with C batteries,
“You’re so gorgeous, my love” and all sorts of flatteries.
An agent, a chef, a billionaire, or a cowboy
Oh, the contemporary life brings so much joy!
When the dishes pile,
When the kids wail,
When I’m feeling guilty as hell
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just say: Oh, Well…
Hellion: As we all might know, I’m half-finished with my first draft of my hilarious single title, In the Beginning Again and well, I wrote this little parody to sing for when I do complete it. As you’ll see, I’m very modest. *blushes*
I am writing, going on finishing, yippee, it’s time to plan.
Agents to entice, Editors to make nice; I need the perfect query at hand!
I have finished, now I have a first draft; Champagne I’ve drunk by score
I shall be in print, making a small mint.
Jude Deveraux, hear me roar!
Totally unprepared am I, to face the Publishing Biz;
Panicky, overwhelmed, and scared am I, of failing a possible pop quiz.
I need someone older and wiser, telling me what to do
I’ll find Christina, NYT author, she’s been a newbie too.
Marnee: Are you always such a kiss up?
Hellion: Pirate. *smiles at audience* Now, crew, pirates, please join us in the RWR Theme song for the upcoming National Novel Writing Month, which as pirates none of us have planned for. All together now:
Pirate crew, pirate crew,
Every morning you greet me
Nag and yell,
Giving me hell
Where’s my word count to greet thee
Here’s my page count, cut me some slack,
Cut me some slack, you termagants
Pirate crew, pirate crew,
Where would my word count be without you?
Hellion: Well, that’s all we have today. Tomorrow we’re going to have the incomparable Miranda Neville on the ship, telling us about her new book The Wild Marquis! In the meantime, how has your writing been coming? Anything you've read lately you've been dying to talk about? How about TV shows? Anyone love the new Life Unexpected?
Books by the Crew
35 comments:
Over the half-way mark for latest WIP. Then must let brain plot 2 novellas. Will probably turn to rum and Ben and Jerry's and then don a Regency gown to hide effects.
"Well, that’s all we have today"
That's alllll? By-gosh-that’s about all I cam take! I can't remember the last time I laughed so Hard. You’re a Diamond of the First Cut! You’re a Goddess.
Put simply…
You are Brilliant.
Love it!
The idea of NaNoWriMo scares me to death - which makes me think it would totally kick my ass into shape. But, I have a few weekend trips to take in Nov. so I'm not sure it would be smart for me to attempt it knowing two weekends would be out.
Still, I might challenge myself to a write goal for the month.
I think I may do NaNo this time. I have nothing else going on that month, by some miracle I can't explain. And I definitely the motivation of shame and impending failure.
And I would so look totally pregnant in one of those dresses. But they are so darn cute!
I'll second Julie. BRILLIANT!
Maggie, you have the rights to all the rum on this ship! *LOL* Midpoint of one novel and you have to write two more novellas? Eeek!!!
Jules! Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week. *bowing* It was the nun outfit that did you in, wasn't it? Admit it.
Sabrina, no need to panick. It's not like members of NaNo actually drive to your house if you don't meet your word goal and do a singing telegram of Shame & Degredation for not doing 50,000 words. You can do it. I did about 20,000 words in a month almost completely by accident, and I wasn't writing all the time. Basically you'd have to write about 7 pages a day...but most days I can write about 4 pages, if I just keep going...and even if I only did 4 pages a day for 30 days, that'd be 30,000 more words than I had.
Bo'sun, we seriously need to do it this year. Motivation of Shame and Impending Failure are good motivators. *LOL*
I apologize for October 12th comments AND now March 9th comments. The blog is staying up for today. It's Sound of Music all day long...
Thanks for bearing with us...and definitely join us tomorrow for Miranda Neville!!!!
Just got my newsletter from Miranda! Can't wait to see her blog tomorrow!
Brilliant as always Hells. There is this book series that I read about a teenager and her hilarious best friend goes around singing "The hills are alive with the sound of pants" which I tried not to sing while I was reading this but failed miserably.
*snicker*
Ooohh I love how this blog came pre-equipted with a "Julie comment"!
The best blogs always come preequipped with a Julie comment. *LOL*
I totally agree with that statement.
Well, that was totally different! ;)
My progress... Keep in mind I'm speeding toward RT and having things to pitch...
First draft of The Kraken's Mirror, done. Beginning first edit.
First edit of The Changed World, done.
Crappy snyopsis, first edit, for the The Changed World done. (Will continue to work on this.)
Outline of snyopsis for The Kraken's Mirror, done, ready to write. (And the outline is brilliant so I'm planning a less painful synopsis experience.)
The BIG PLAN!? Have both ready and totally pitchable for RT, end of April.
Oh, and sending off a three chapter critique to a big agent I was given from a raffle...today.
What was that? The Hills Are Alive with the sounds of *pants...*pants...*pants.
Feels like a frickin' marathon!
AHAHAhaaaaaOhMy! Thats like saying "Pirate ships come Equipped with cannons!”
Congrats on the big agent raffle win, Chance. And Good Luck!
Writing? Was I supposed to be writing?
Shit.
*stomps off*
2nd: HUGE plans, it sounds like you're busy and productive! Go you!!!! I know you're going to blow them away. (I love the title: The Kraken's Mirror.)
Jules, you are our best and biggest cannon. *grins*
And technically the National Novel Writing Month IS upcoming, even if it's like 8 months away. Whatever.
Sin, sorry I skipped you. You're going to love Miranda's blog. HILARIOUS! She keeps Jack on his toes!
Bo'sun, Yes, you were supposed to be writing. Try again.
I'm highly in favor of replays of Hellion's parodies. If they include the Earl of Mayne swaggering around, my day is made. :)
I just agreed to write more articles, so I'll have less time for the WIP. I swore to myself I would not do this, but it's hard for me to turn down paying assignments for pie in the sky.
Janga, my love, your WIP could be a paying assignment too. I know it could! I understand--the articles are shorter and you know what's expected, et al, but your WIP is not a pie in the sky. It's great stuff. I can't wait to buy it!
Janga, I agree with Hellion.
I Truly ... Sincerely … cannot comprehend why you… One of the most talented writers out there. One of the most engaging voices that I have ever read … would think that The Long Way Home (see? I even remember the title, Janga!) is pie in the sky. Honestly.
I did hear at my local RWA of a new NaNo sort of thing starting this month. An edit NaNo...for editing a MS??? I'm under enough pressure, but someone else might want to give it a shot???
Julie - I was actually given the raffle prize by a friend who simply wasn't going to have anything to send the man. Knock on wood this all goes through! I figure I have months and months of waiting ahead of me. Fine. I have lots to do!
Of course you skipped me. Hateful wench.
PS. I like Life Unexpected. Of course, it comes on right before Gossip Girl, so I guess that's an added bonus.
Hey! If Jules is the biggest cannon then I want to be the biggest cannon ball. :lol:
AND if Janga is baking pie in the sky then I want a bite, especially if it is a long way home ... plenty of time to chew! 8)
What a fabulous way to end the day!
A snifter of scotch and Helli singing in the hills.
Oh my,such sweet nectar, American writers are just wonderful .... *sigh* :D
Hick
Q needs a prize for this one. Give the man an extra bottle of scotch. And sprinkle some glitter in there too. LOL!
That's what I was thinking...though not too much glitter. He's clearly dazzled quite a bit. We wouldn't want to Avatar his ass with optics and frou-frou.
This is great. :) I loved this one. :)
And Q made me snicker.
Chance, good luck with all your stuff, agent, being ready for RT, etc.
I'm writing, just not as fast as I'd like. I'm 25K into the project I started at beginning of Feb. I just paused because Hal helped me to figure something out about my hero. SO now I'm back at it all again, revising so I can go forward again.
Hellie and Julie, thanks for the kind words. I didn't mean to sound dismal, just to say that I find it difficult to turn down guaranteed $$$ that will buy books and stuff to work on something that carries no guarantees.
Chance, good wishes for hoped-for results from all your opportunities.
Off topic: I just read a great blog on writing. Somebody tweeted the link, and I read it three times before I bookmarked it.
http://storytellersunplugged.com/blog/2010/03/09/leave-it-all-on-the-page/
Hey! If Jules is the biggest cannon then I want to be the biggest cannon ball.
Q,do you even have to ask? Because lets face it ... only a man with the biggest cannon ball has the balls to blog on this ship!
Quantum is One Brave Man!
Awesome! And I cracked up at the "Kiss Me, I'm Amish" *LOL*
Biggest Balls! Served, of cousre, in a hi-ball glass! And made with Scotch! Lots a' the good stuff...
I like to check in the day before I blog to make sure I have the URL right and won't find myself on board the wrong ship. I'm so glad I did. Except that Ms. Hellion made me spew wine and I hate to waste liquor. Hilarious. I shall never hear TSOM in the same way. See ya manana.
We live to amuse, my fair Miranda! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!! I hope the ship will be a bit livelier for your arrival!
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