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Sunday, March 14, 2010
My Deer Hunter Analogy
My boyfriend and I live in different states, but on the rare and happy occasion we can spend time together, we do. On the weekend of his latest arrival (he’d told me he was coming up here no less than six times in the upcoming weeks), I remember wondering what exactly was going on here, in Columbia, that would galvanize him to come. And tell me about it like six times. Let’s keep it in perspective here: I’m just the nuts on the sundae, folks, not the ice cream or hot fudge.
My big visual clue about his excitement greeted me on 63 as I passed the overpass to the Boone County Fairgrounds. Missouri Deer Classic. The Boyfriend equivalent of a Harry Potter Convention. So obvious, it was like a cartoon anvil hit me on my head. Where had I been?
Now, as you might imagine, I don’t get all that excited about deerhunting. And as you might imagine, he isn’t all that into Harry Potter, shoe shopping, or writing. We’re pretty amused on the other’s behalf when they get excited about their passions, but understanding those passions is another cauldron of flobberworms. Still, despite our opposites attract model of dating, I do try to find the common ground now and again. And I’m sure he’d grandly agree there is so much you could learn about writing from hunting that elusive whitetail.
So here is a short list of the things writers can learn from the Great White Hunter.
1.) Go big or go home: My boyfriend loves saying this. I think this is the equivalent of “leave it all in the ring”, which is basically the opposite of how I was raised, which is all about saving for rainy days and stuff. Nope, he’s all about cash it all in now. Give this one everything you got or don’t bother. Writer takeaway: don’t save the good stuff for the next book.
2.) The Secret works for 13 point bucks: The law of attraction, folks. You have to believe you’re going to get big deer for big deer to cross your path so you can shoot them. He’s been hunting ever since someone would let him outside with a gun, and he’s lived long enough that you’d think some of the enthusiasm would wane, but it doesn’t. Every year, he’s out there on the first day of deer season convinced he is going to get the mack daddy of all deer. And what do you know, he usually ends up with a deer. Writer takeaway: thinking positively is more productive than thinking negatively.
3.) Be prompt: I love him, but deerhunters are lunatics. He was up at some insane hour of the morning just so he could get this mack daddy deer. Like three in the morning. In the cold. Writer takeaway: show up to your writing sessions; don’t dawdle or put it off for something else. If finishing your book is your priority, you’d be there.
4.) Be silent: He doesn’t run off big game by talking. (At least I don’t think he does. I’m not willing to be anywhere at 3 a.m. to document this for fact.) Anytime I see a hunting show, everyone is talking in a bare whisper if they have to talk at all. Writer takeaway: quiet your mind, turn off the cellphone and email, and lure the muse to you. You know, like that dopey 13 point deer.
5.) Remember the fun: it’s not always about the deer. It is, but it isn’t. I’ve known him to tramp around all day in cold November rain and not see a single four-legged beast all day. Worse, I’ve known him to tramp around all day and everyone else he knew got a deer. (I mean, if I got up at 3 a.m., sat in the rain and cold, and got jack nothing shit, while others got one while taking a piss, I’d be testy.) But what does my deerhunter say? “I had a blast! I got to hang out with my friends and brother all day! It was awesome!” Writer takeaway: remember you’re here because you love writing, not necessarily because you’re intent on getting on the NYT bestseller list. You have control over your writing; you don’t have control over lists. Do it anyway and have fun.
6.) If you get the opportunity, for God’s sake shoot it: this one is pretty self-explanatory so I’ll skip to the writer part. Writer takeaway: it’s amazing how many stories we hear where an editor will ask for the full manuscript, and we end up never sending it to them because we’re not actually finished with the story yet. This is like hunting with your safety on. Or getting a deer in your sights and realizing you didn’t bring bullets. WTF. Either finish your manuscript before you shop it to editors, or be prepared that they might actually say yes and be willing to finish it in a hurry. Don’t choke. You’re going to kick yourself every time you tell the story about the one that got away.
7.) And last but not least, if you get a deer, celebrate it: My darling doesn’t get a big mack daddy deer every year. He’s pretty much happy to celebrate any deer he gets. Still, when he does get The Big One, he does it up right. He gets the thing mounted and put on the wall. Makes a writer sort of envious the same isn’t done for when we get published by a big whig. “Look, this was the year Girl on a Grecian Urn won a RITA.” Writer takeaway: Don’t bother being that humble. Live a little. Any excuse is a good excuse for a party!
Well, I think that is the extent of my writer-hunter analogies. I can tell we’re all relieved. So here are my questions for you: are any of you in relationships of “opposites attract” and if so, how do you find your common ground? Do you prefer romances with opposites attract or something with less potential to turn volatile? *laughs* Can you think of any hobby less like writing and find something we could learn from it?
My big visual clue about his excitement greeted me on 63 as I passed the overpass to the Boone County Fairgrounds. Missouri Deer Classic. The Boyfriend equivalent of a Harry Potter Convention. So obvious, it was like a cartoon anvil hit me on my head. Where had I been?
Now, as you might imagine, I don’t get all that excited about deerhunting. And as you might imagine, he isn’t all that into Harry Potter, shoe shopping, or writing. We’re pretty amused on the other’s behalf when they get excited about their passions, but understanding those passions is another cauldron of flobberworms. Still, despite our opposites attract model of dating, I do try to find the common ground now and again. And I’m sure he’d grandly agree there is so much you could learn about writing from hunting that elusive whitetail.
So here is a short list of the things writers can learn from the Great White Hunter.
1.) Go big or go home: My boyfriend loves saying this. I think this is the equivalent of “leave it all in the ring”, which is basically the opposite of how I was raised, which is all about saving for rainy days and stuff. Nope, he’s all about cash it all in now. Give this one everything you got or don’t bother. Writer takeaway: don’t save the good stuff for the next book.
2.) The Secret works for 13 point bucks: The law of attraction, folks. You have to believe you’re going to get big deer for big deer to cross your path so you can shoot them. He’s been hunting ever since someone would let him outside with a gun, and he’s lived long enough that you’d think some of the enthusiasm would wane, but it doesn’t. Every year, he’s out there on the first day of deer season convinced he is going to get the mack daddy of all deer. And what do you know, he usually ends up with a deer. Writer takeaway: thinking positively is more productive than thinking negatively.
3.) Be prompt: I love him, but deerhunters are lunatics. He was up at some insane hour of the morning just so he could get this mack daddy deer. Like three in the morning. In the cold. Writer takeaway: show up to your writing sessions; don’t dawdle or put it off for something else. If finishing your book is your priority, you’d be there.
4.) Be silent: He doesn’t run off big game by talking. (At least I don’t think he does. I’m not willing to be anywhere at 3 a.m. to document this for fact.) Anytime I see a hunting show, everyone is talking in a bare whisper if they have to talk at all. Writer takeaway: quiet your mind, turn off the cellphone and email, and lure the muse to you. You know, like that dopey 13 point deer.
5.) Remember the fun: it’s not always about the deer. It is, but it isn’t. I’ve known him to tramp around all day in cold November rain and not see a single four-legged beast all day. Worse, I’ve known him to tramp around all day and everyone else he knew got a deer. (I mean, if I got up at 3 a.m., sat in the rain and cold, and got jack nothing shit, while others got one while taking a piss, I’d be testy.) But what does my deerhunter say? “I had a blast! I got to hang out with my friends and brother all day! It was awesome!” Writer takeaway: remember you’re here because you love writing, not necessarily because you’re intent on getting on the NYT bestseller list. You have control over your writing; you don’t have control over lists. Do it anyway and have fun.
6.) If you get the opportunity, for God’s sake shoot it: this one is pretty self-explanatory so I’ll skip to the writer part. Writer takeaway: it’s amazing how many stories we hear where an editor will ask for the full manuscript, and we end up never sending it to them because we’re not actually finished with the story yet. This is like hunting with your safety on. Or getting a deer in your sights and realizing you didn’t bring bullets. WTF. Either finish your manuscript before you shop it to editors, or be prepared that they might actually say yes and be willing to finish it in a hurry. Don’t choke. You’re going to kick yourself every time you tell the story about the one that got away.
7.) And last but not least, if you get a deer, celebrate it: My darling doesn’t get a big mack daddy deer every year. He’s pretty much happy to celebrate any deer he gets. Still, when he does get The Big One, he does it up right. He gets the thing mounted and put on the wall. Makes a writer sort of envious the same isn’t done for when we get published by a big whig. “Look, this was the year Girl on a Grecian Urn won a RITA.” Writer takeaway: Don’t bother being that humble. Live a little. Any excuse is a good excuse for a party!
Well, I think that is the extent of my writer-hunter analogies. I can tell we’re all relieved. So here are my questions for you: are any of you in relationships of “opposites attract” and if so, how do you find your common ground? Do you prefer romances with opposites attract or something with less potential to turn volatile? *laughs* Can you think of any hobby less like writing and find something we could learn from it?
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99 comments:
This is where my science training gives me an edge!
Love, mind, conscioussness and most everything else related to life, basically boils down to electricity.
In romance when a couple attract, the electric currents flow ... brain imaging proves it.
In romance when couples repel, the electric currents also flow, but in different ways, as observed in brain scans.
From school science we all know that opposite electric charges attract and like ones repel. Simillarly opposite magnetic poles attract and like repel.
To get it in perspective though, other things than opposites can also attract. In chaos theory we have strange attractors which grab virtually everything in the relevant phase space. Like the scotch bottle at a wild party.
In cosmology the horrendous black hole grabs everything that crosses its event horizon. Like the seductress at a wild party.
I think what I'm trying to say here is that physics could make an interesting and productive hoby. As long as you combine it with wild parties, scotch bottles and seductresses. :?
Hellion, you really need to put posts like this in a book for writers. I'd buy it. :)
My husband and I are total opposites, the whole tall dark and silent thing vs the bubbly blonde. He played, coached and loves sports; I can barely walk, and in flats only.I don't know why we ever got married (okay, it was the sex) but it's been decades, four kids, etc. We give each other space to pursue our individual interests, which I think is key. You don't have to love to hunt to love a hunter. :)And he cooks. I eat, so what could be more perfect?
I love how you can bring just about anything around to writing! LOL
Are any of you in relationships of “opposites attract†and if so, how do you find your common ground?
Am I ever!! I could write a thesis paper on this subject but will try to keep it short. I know I was attracted to guys who were very, very different from me. Unfortunately sometimes that can be extremely dangerous (especially for teenage girls). Thankfully, I didn’t end up with the juvenile delinquent with the big brown sad eyes who sniffed spray paint.
I did, however, end up with the adrenaline junkie who lives his life at warp speed and thinks the world is his playground. He has calmed down a little since a little heart issue last year, but I believe his motto is still “How can we make this fun!†Whenever he has a decision to make I believe those are the words that go through his brain. To give you an idea of how different we are - mine are “How do we do this the correct way.†Not a whole lotta fun happening there, huh?! LOL I know I sought him out because he had what I was lacking and vice versa.
I really think that is the key, though. I believe we find people who, to borrow from Renee Zellweger, complete us! And to be really fair, my therapist told me that way before Jerry Macguire was a typewritten name on a screenplay. The key is do we want to learn from them or change them over to our way of thinking. If we don’t accept them and learn from them we’re just in for 50 years of banging our head against the wall (like my parents, unfortunately).
I’m not sure how we’ve found our common ground. I do know that we genuinely like each other and do have certain things in common. We have the same values and attitudes on marriage, family and raising kids. We have the same sarcastic type of humor. We like some of the same movies (Monty Python’s Holy Grail, The Sure Thing, It’s A Wonderful Life), otherwise I head for the chick flicks and he’s into Sci-Fi or Arnold movies. We also have learned over the years (and are getting better at) the give and take.
Another big thing we do that I see friends not do is that we support each other’s differences. He doesn’t put me down for sitting and reading a book for hours on end and I don’t do the same with him playing poker or video games.
I see Maggie said the same thing only with fewer words! :)
And I LOVE romances where opposites attract. I think it ramps up the emotional stakes, just like in real life... and the HEA is way more satisfying!
Hellie, this cracked me up! I was born and raised in a family of hard-core hunters, and like you, I've never understood it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would get me out of my warm bed and into a tree stand before dawn.
My hubby and I are opposites. He's a jock. A punk-rock jock. He wore dread-locks and mohawks and bihawks (apparently where you have two mo-hawks, one sticking out from each side of your head...*shrug*). He yammers on and on about sports and music I don't know....and he's a maniac on the lacrosse field.
But like Irish, we've found our common ground. I've learned enough about football I can impress his friends; I go to his lacrosse games and pay attention the whole time, as long as I can read in the car on the way up and back. Whenever I want to just write for a whole weekend without an interruption, he buys a new video game and does the same....it works. We have learned too, though, to respect the differences and give each other enough space to pursue them.
(though I will admit I rolled my eyes when he got all excited this weekend about building some big net in the backyard to rebound the lacrosse ball when he practices....whatever! I just went and got my book while he kept talking *g*)
Q, your science training definitely does give you an edge in this question. *LOL* Good job working that scotch in there!!
The Black Hole sounds a lot like a Cougar. *LOL* Like an Elizabeth Hurley cougar.
I definitely need to work on my physics--I totally agree--and I'm really wishing I paid attention when we covered magnets. *LOL*
(On the whole though, I get the electricity thing. When Mr. Hunter comes into the room, I know it. It's like someone flipped a light switch. I always thought it was odd because there are other people who can be in a room with me and I'd be like, "They're here? Where?" and they're right in front of me.)
Maggie: Let's hear it for the sex!! I mean, sure, it's much more than the sex, though I'm always hard pressed to pin point it.
"You liked me because I was smart."
"No," I say, "I didn't think you were smart when I met you."
Offended silence. "You don't think I'm smart?"
"Oh, I think you are now. But I didn't think so then."
"I'm going to watch TV now. Don't talk to me."
It works both ways, clearly. He insists I don't know how to drive. Or operate technology of any kind. Bless my heart.
He hunts; and I eat--you're right. It is the perfect arrangement!
I love this list! It just goes to show you how writing permeates our lives, because it can be related to so many other activities.
And I love "opposites attract" stories. It gives me hope when I see people move away from their extreme positions, and meet in the middle. It shows that it is possible in other arenas in life (at least in theory).
As for my own personal "opposites attract" guy -- yeah, that works too. I'm absolutely perfect, and he's uh, non-existent. LOL (At least so far -- still looking!)
Irish, I love the "You complete me" thing. (Not that I'd admit it. It's too sappy to say aloud. I'm worse than a duke in a Regency novel about not saying things aloud.)
My deer hunter is about the fun. *LOL* Everything has the potential for fun for him.
I think you hit on the biggest key on the opposites attract model: accepting and learning from them--not trying to change them. A lot of people never learn that. I think it's great that you guys (like Maggie and her hubby) have your own interests that you're allowed to pursue without criticism. Being respectful despite the differences is key.
I will admit I rolled my eyes when he got all excited this weekend about building some big net in the backyard to rebound the lacrosse ball when he practices….whatever! I just went and got my book while he kept talking
*LOL* Hal, sounds remarkably when he starts talking about types of guns or gear. I just say, "Uh-huh" and try not to show my eyes are glazing over. And then there's bow hunting...and I'm sure several other types of hunting my brain is simply not remembering. And when there is no hunting at all, there is golf.
(I understand the hunting better than the golf.)
I'm totally trying to wrap my head around the image of a bihawk hairstyle. Huh. Might have to goggle that image. You definitely left Missouri and found an opposite. *LOL*
And I love “opposites attract†stories. It gives me hope when I see people move away from their extreme positions, and meet in the middle.
Donna, I think this is why I dig opposites attract model stories too. That meeting in the middle bit, basically because you love them so much you're willing to meet them in the middle.
And I think writing relates to almost everything to me.
I hate hunting and the opposites thing didn't work for me and I'm in a really cranky mood (mostly due to how my day started) so I'm going to take my rum and stay quietly in my hammock.
Carry on.
Alrighty then. Drink up, Bo'sun. *LOL*
Opposites don't always work. I'd say a lot of the time they don't work. I imagine it's why "irreconcilable differences" is referenced on the majority of divorces. (Still, even though it's possible to find someone who is not your complete opposite, I do believe that men and women, by nature, are opposite enough that it doesn't matter how much you have in common with one of them, there is something they will do that will drive you ding shit batty.)
Hellion, I'm with Maggie on your collecting into a book all these lessons about writing from everything under the. I'd buy it. I bet lots of people would buy your mix of humor and wisdom.
I think the opposites attract phenomenon keeps things interesting, BUT I think if the opposites involved don't have some core values in common, the relationship will end in a split or in prolonged misery. I never minded reading in fishing boats or daydreaming through baseball games because I knew the man I loved and I shared the same beliefs about faith, family, and personal integrrity. Maybe that's why I've never been able to settle for anything less.
A book of Hellionisms? I could go for that! *LOL*
I agree at the core, you need to have some of your most important beliefs in common to survive happily. Though I think it's possible to have similar beliefs but to handle them differently, due to our differing personalities.
Though I think it’s possible to have similar beliefs but to handle them differently, due to our differing personalities.
We run into this one a lot when confronted with child-rearing. It has become less of a hassle as they grow, but when they were little it was huge.
I was all about schedules and eating/drinking the right stuff. When I went away for a day or out for a night it was a free-for-all in the Irish household! It was very hard for me to not "lay the law down" and go all crazy on him.
The way I dealt with it was pretty simple. He messed up their routines. He dealt with the fallout. If they were wired on sugar or crabby from no sleep, I just left the house again and let him handle it.
Surprisingly enough, he didn't change his ways a whole lot. He believed they needed our diversity and he did step up and deal with the fallout. I learned a lesson - sometimes my way wasn't always "the right" way, or the assumed "right way" wasn't always best.
He's also taught the kids that there are consequences for not always following the rules - eg. they can stay up late and play, but that doesn't mean they get to stay home from school the next day if they're tired. So now they know they have to deal with their own fallout. It's interesting.
I'd also like to point out that there is a difference in opposites attracting and OPPOSITES attracting.
I mean dealing with a man who doesn't fold the towels the way I'd like and can't load a dishwasher to save his life is way different than dealing with an alcoholic, pot-smoking, homicidal maniac with psychotic tendencies.
Irish, this would be a deal breaker for a lot of parents! *LOL* But it's really cool of you that you're able to see the pluses (as well as the negatives) of both types of parenting. And that you made him deal with the consequences instead of being pissed off and assuming a martyr role (which I think a lot of women do. They "fix it" with the "right way" approach, and then become resentful...and it just snowballs.)
Not that your way isn't the right way. *grins* I'd rather have the routine. The other way would be too exhausting! *LOL*
*LOL* Those are definitely different kinds of opposites!! I prefer the one who folds towels differently too.
Bo'sun, if it would make you feel better, I could sing you a little ditty. . .(as long as Chance isn't around!) Sorry you're having a craptastic day.
Irish, I liked the "dealing with the consequences" childrearing. I think EVERYONE benefited from this, so it was a valuable life lesson. As Hellion said, a lot of women would try to fix the situation, and then tempers flare, and daggers are drawn, and then someone is thrown overboard. . .
Um, you know what I mean. :)
I can relate to the opposites attract. Mattycakes and I have nothing in common except one thing and the one thing we do really really well together. Hunting to Mattycakes is a foreign concept. I've got more knowledge of guns and hunting than Mattycakes.
Now, lifting weights to an insane amount, Mattycakes takes the cake.
He comes home from work and I ask him how his day was. Blah, blah, blah. I ask him how his workout was and he lights up like the Salvation Army Christmas tree downtown. Maxing out a weight machine and asking your two best friends to sit on it seems a little extreme to me. Hells, if you and GPS think you're getting anywhere near a machine while I'm trying to leg press the measly five pounds I have on it, you're fcking dreaming.
Working out is NOT one of those things I can do with Mattycakes. Some of our worst fights are when we are near each other in the gym. I have methods to my madness (mostly I just like to do cardio because I don't like people and if I can have my headphones in and no one is waiting for my machine, I can afford the very messy task of cleaning up after I go postal (or Starbucks) on someone).
Books where opposites attract are my favorite and the more volatile the reactions the more I'm enthralled. Like Ranger and Steph. Like Julian and Tess. Like Kid and Nikki. Completely opposite of each other. (Ranger- bad ass bounty hunter, Steph- major clusterfck.) (Julian- bad ass agent, Tess- bad ass reporter.) (Kid- bad ass operative, Nikki- kick ass artist.)
I mean, can anyone really imagine lifting a ton?
It feels like lifting a ton everytime I shove my ass out of a chair.
Donna - I do appreciate that. As long as it's not by Lady Gaga. I woke up with "Bad Romance" playing in my head. It has nothing to do with anything, it's just STUCK IN MY DAMN EARS.
Getting out the iPod now.
Shared parenting. *shivers* Another reason to remain single.
You know, I think it's all about consequences and the bottom line of what you're willing to put up with.
I like to tell the story about toilet training my son. My son (who is a little more like his mother than his father) is quite literal and likes to follow rules to the "T". When I was toilet training him I happened to emphasize that we go in the toilet and nowhere else! Well, we happened to be out travelling in the car and he had to go. My husband (thinking like a guy) pulled off to the side of the road and tried to get him to pee in the woods. My little rule follower wouldn't! He wanted a toilet.
My husband looks at me quite annoyed and says "This is all your fault with all the shoulds you throw at him!" And I'm sorry but having to track down a toilet in the middle of nowhere was a price I was willing to pay to have my little guy know that the toilet was the only place I wanted him peeing!!!
The long and the short of it is that my DH and I are constantly, day in and day out, dealing with our differences, as are our children. I hope the positive is that we deal with it and don't brush it under the rug or stuff the anger it sometimes brings about.
I think the danger arises when you find Mr/Ms Right and the annoying little things you found so cute about them at first turn into deal breakers... after you've already made the deal!
Thanks, Ter, now it's stuck in mine! Is it just me or is she not seriously weird? And here I thought I was being wild back in the day listening to Madonna! She's tame compared to what keeps sprouting up nowadays - Lady Gaga, Pink, Fergie (am I missing any?). I'm starting to sound like an old lady. LOL
It's CATCHY! That's the problem, Irish. And you forgot Beyonce. And is it just me (highly possible) or have the lyrics gotten worse? My 10 yr old and her little friend were singing along with Gaga yesterday in the car and it's odd to hear the words "your verticle stick" from the mouths of babes.
I think the lyrics were always this way, I'm just getting too old to let them slide.
Yeah, the lyrics really get to me. I mean I know I sang along to December 1963 back in the 70's and that was about a guy and his first night with a prostitute but you couldn't tell. Now they really don't leave much to the imagination.
I remember driving along a couple of years ago and listening to my son sing "...it's just you and your hand tonight" from Pink. I know they have no idea yet (at least I'm hoping), but it just stinks.
And you're right the beats are very catchy. I find myself humming along and then hitting a brick wall when I realize what we're singing. LOL
*yawn
Sorry, time change is kicking me ass.
I tend ta think of me DH and I as two puzzle pieces, we both be raggedy and pointed and rounded in different ways and sometimes we fit and sometimes we don't, all dependind on the perspective a' the moment.
He brought patience into my life. I brought salsa.
DON'T LET DONNA SING! She can hum, but one word out a' her mouth and I'm gonna flatten her with a rum bottle!
A book of wisdom from the captain's chair sounds good ta me!
I think I could write a blog comparing writing to the seasons...but that be about it. Me brain ain't had it's caffeine yet and Bonnie doggie is sitting at my back, boring holes in me with her deep brown eyes.
Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alkies!
s Hellion said, a lot of women would try to fix the situation, and then tempers flare, and daggers are drawn, and then someone is thrown overboard. . .
EXACTLY
Sin, *LOL* Yeah, you and Matty are opposites, bless his heart, but you guys are cute together. And now you both have those cats, and you two are freaking psycho about the kitties. That smelling the belly thing is enough to make me snort Shamrock Shake out of my nose.
And when you're out of town, he gives me updates on the cats and shows me pictures.
So at least you have your kids in common. *LOL*
Shared parenting. *shivers* Another reason to remain single.
Parenting, period. Another reason to remain single. There were a number of the little beasts in the laundry mat yesterday, doing that "honesty" thing that Holly finds amusing.
"Look at the fat lady!"
It's like being in a live version of The Invention of Lying. I feel like Ricky Gervais and I could really have deep conversations. *LOL*
The long and the short of it is that my DH and I are constantly, day in and day out, dealing with our differences, as are our children. I hope the positive is that we deal with it and don’t brush it under the rug or stuff the anger it sometimes brings about.
Are you suggesting COMMUNICATING? Can't we do that with sex?
I can think of some Def Leppard and Poison lyrics that leave little to the imagination. *LOL*
It just seems worse because you have kids. And you diapered their asses.
LOL! I'm still amazed Irish found a man willing to deal with anything. And not go the Hellie route and just solve it with sex.
We have reached the *giggling* phase. I actually tried to pretend I wasn't with them in Kmart yesterday. Heaven help me.
And now I'm having nightmares of Kiddo driving and crashing. ALREADY. This parenting shit is not for the squeamish.
I think I could write a blog comparing writing to the seasons
You wrote this blog, I think. It was called Seasons Change, People Change....
Hellie - I thought of that. We used to sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me" at the top of our lungs, and it doesn't take much to make the association there.
Though there used to be a "wink wink" factor. Now, they just say it. "I can make your bed rock." Really? What do you think he means there?
George Michael's I want your sex wasn't very subtle. I mean, my dad knew immediately what that song was about when he found the cassette tape and I caught hell for it.
I'm the only one guilty of the solve it with sex thing. I mean I paid a therapist for two years to listen to me and I wouldn't talk about what bothered me.
You're right. At least I'm having sex. *LOL*
But you didn't have sex with the therapist either. You're not a complete lost cause. LOL!
I don't solve anything. I stew. Forever. You're better off than I am.
LOL! I’m still amazed Irish found a man willing to deal with anything. And not go the Hellie route and just solve it with sex.
Oh, he's more than willing to solve it with sex first then talk! Believe it or not I'm the silent treatment type, or at least I used to be. He doesn't let me pull that on him anymore.
Silent Treatment People Unite!! What's wrong with that? *LOL*
I still vote for sex though. Sex and then talking is a dirty trick though. My brain is fuzzled enough that I don't realize we're talking about issues until about the third question. And then I'm usually pinned down and not allowed to leave the room.
Yeah, I think the lyrics have always been raunchy depending on what you listen to. Hellie's right, it's cause we're parents that we recognize it now.
I tell ya, I'm living for the day when what they listen to, wear, eat, drink and say is no longer my responsibility. That's what I'm working towards. If I can get them there without worrying they'll end up in a hospital, prison or psych ward I'll be a happy camper.
Then I suppose I'll have grandchildren to worry about! LOL
OMG! Conway Twitty lyrics are the WORST! And that Mel Tillis song about taking his baby for a morning ride makes turn red.
My favorite song to sing when I was a kid--besides Conway Twitty's Lay You Down, which my dad did not appreciate--was "New York Minute."
The lyrics are something like this:
I'd make love to you in a new york minute
and take my Texas time doing it...
And I knew what it meant--sorta--when I was singing it at 10.
You know you're old when you are driving in the car with your kids, a song comes on and one says to the other "switch the station, that song is inappropriate, mom shouldn't be listening to it!"
No, I think as kids we recognized they were "dirty" lyrics. It's just as parents, we're complete hypocrites about it. *LOL*
Though honestly I'd rather have the scandalized parent who is trying to get rid of the music than the one who is introducing me to the "dirty" music. Those "ultra-cool" parents scare me.
*ROTFLMAO* NICE!
See, now you can scandalize them by singing all the dirty words. They'd be horrified!
Irish, you will always have something to worry about. *LOL*
Well, I let kiddo listen to about anything and I'm taking her to see Nickelback in concert (again), but we make a deal that anything she wants to know what it means, she asks me.
Which reminds me, we started "the talk" over the weekend and she was so traumatized by the first sentence, we decided to take it slow and let her digest that bit for a while. LOL! She may be 30 before we finish this talk.
How the hell I gave birth to a prude I will never know.
Irish - I would look forward to when that stuff isn't my responsibility anymore, but I'm too busy freaking over the imminent teen years.
And those country lyrics - you are so right, Conway was the worst. LOL! Though "You're the only lock that's made to fit my key" is right up there.
Okay, now I'm curious. What was your leading sentence? Have you been taking us too literal about starting everything with a bang and started the talk with "Well, first you get naked"--because that's usually enough to traumatize the average girl in her tracks. "Someone is going to see me naked?"
Actually the older they get the easier it gets for me to deal with them. Like you, Ter, I try to limit the restrictions. When we drive in the car I let them choose the music so that I know what they're listening to. And if there is a song I don't like (violent, woman hating, etc.) I tell them why. I'm not as opposed to all the sexual references as I am to the violence against women thing.
I never thought I'd hear myself say this but I'd rather them talk about all the sex and stuff than be silent. At least I know where their head is at.
My DH was in the office last week and I was in the hallway (right outside the office) saying goodbye/goodnight to my son. He was going to a friend's house for a sleepover. I kissed him goodnight, told him I loved him and said no surfing porn on the internet. To which he rolled his eyes and said "yeah, mom, like that's what we do all night!"
After he left my DH is like WTH! Hey, better he knows where I stand and I'm aware of the fact it's a possibility. He may think twice!
I did not open with "getting nekkid". It only started because we saw a condom commercial and she wanted to know what they were and I couldn't explain without explaining some mechanics first.
I really thought she would have known more before now. I mean, don't kids talk on the playground?! I played it safe and went with dogs mating and explained that this part goes in that part...and I lost her.
Freak out city. LOL!
Yeah, how'd you start? Was it about her changing or the whole where babies come from?
I got this American Girl book from the library and we read it together every night until we were through. That was only about how she was going to be changing and going through puberty. She doesn't want anything to do with the sex talk. They both told me specifically they learn it in health and that's bad enough. They don't want to talk to ME about it!
Irish - I'm more apt to change a song just because it's annoying. LOL! That Kesha chick drives me up a wall. Talk about a waste of mass. I will not listen to her.
And I do hope people are putting filters on their computers. As noted above, kiddo is easily traumatized.
At her age, I thought french kissing sounded revolting. I don't blame her for a freak out revolving around having sex like a dog. (Not that it doesn't have its perks, it just doesn't sound appetizing. *LOL*)
And I just realized I have hijacked this blog into a land where no one wants to venture. I do apologize.
Re: the changing thing. Kiddo is already wearing a bra and fighting acne. Aunt Flo should join the party soon. And you think it's cranky in our house now? Ha!
She understands, I think. She's worried she'll have cramps. I have no idea if she will or not. Neither my mom or I have ever had them, but my sister has them really bad. So who the heck knows.
The exchange was very rudimentary. LOL! Positions weren't the issue. (This is cracking me up. I didn't even think of that.)
It was "insert A into B" that did her in. She knew two cells combined, she just had no idea how the boy cell got to the girl cell. And she didn't even want to venture a guess. Really? How could she be this clueless in this day and age?
It is really bizarre but when we read about it several years ago she was totally freaked. Then when she finally got it this year she was totally psyched. I think cause she was the last among her friends and now she feels like one of them. I talked to a friend who said her daughter was the same way.
At her age, I thought french kissing sounded revolting. I don’t blame her for a freak out revolving around having sex like a dog. (Not that it doesn’t have its perks, it just doesn’t sound appetizing. *LOL*)
OMG!! ROTFLMAO!!!! I'm laughing so hard both my dogs came into the room to look at me!
I had a neighbor who had to talk her 8 year old daughter off the ledge because of what she heard on the playground. And it wasn't even that bad - just that when you sleep with a guy you have to be naked! And you have to sleep with a guy to have a baby. This little girl wants to be a mommy more than anything else in the world and when she found out she had to get naked to do that her world came crashing down around her.
I'm still laughing...
This blog has totally gone downhill. If any deerhunters googled and came here, they'd run screaming from the blog in like 6 comments or less. Geez.
Tell the little girl to adopt.
This little girl wants to be a mommy more than anything else in the world and when she found out she had to get naked to do that her world came crashing down around her.
*LOL* Poor kid. Wait till she hears the rest of the story. "You want to put what where? I. Don't. Think. So."
Interesting path this post has taken!
I remember "the talk", only it was very clinical and scientific. Then a friend at school told me it was the same as the "f word", and I was shellshocked. I vowed I would NEVER do that. NEVER. LOL
And as for the music lyrics -- they are definitely more point blank nowadays. I'm trying to decide if it's because there's nowhere else to go with shock value, so that's the last frontier. OR if people don't GET the innuendo anymore, so it has to be spelled out! LOL
Now I feel like bursting into song! Lalalala! (I can take requests, ya know!)
I know, Donna, you should sing the rock the boat song!
ARGH! I'll smack her! I will!
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala!
I'm singing along with my iPod, so Donna can sing whatever she wants. I can turn this up. LOL!
And I'm with Donna, I an NEVER going to do that. Uh uh. Not me. No way.
Dog. Condoms.
I don't know...that might traumatize me, too! Though I find an image in my head that is... No, let's not go there!
And Hellion, Seasons Change and So I was about my changing, not a good analogy of writing techniques... I might do one of those "everything I learend about writing I learned from watching the leaves change" things.
The thing I find most disturbing about this discussion of graphic lyrics is that generation by generation they have become more graphic. I can remember having a fight with my mother in the 60s about the Corsairs' "Smokey Places," because she thought the lyrics were "suggestive" and supported adultery.
Censoring lines like these was laughable by the time my sister forbade her boys to play Kiss's "Bang Bang You":
"Meeting in smokey places,
Hiding in shadowy corners,
Dancing where no one knows our faces,
Sharing love stolen in the night
In smokey places."
Kiss lyrics seem rather mild compared to some I hear now. It makes me wonder what lyrics your children's children and my grands' children will be fighting with their parents about. Quincy Jones said in The History of Rock 'n Roll
that rock music had to change because it could never be your parents' music. I wonder if the point will come when the only change is regressive. Maybe fifties music is just waiting to be reborn. :)
It might be time for regressive lyrics.
However if you've ever been to a Ren Faire, where occasionally they'll sing a song that was current to the actual period, and you think, "What a bunch of naughty Tudors!!!"
From your lips to God's ears, Janga! :)
P.S. I do realize a lot of songs sung at Ren Faire are modern, but some are not.
I do think that life is cyclical(?). All you have to do is look at history and see that it gets pretty down and dirty and then gets all stiff and starchy and then gets down and dirty again. The grass is always greener...
Saucy wenches at the Ren Faire, singing about sex... Good times.
Hellion, HOW did you know that was the song I was thinking of?! You know, I'm starting to think of it as my theme song now! :)
And I agree that every generation has had its down and dirty moments as far as lyrics, movies, theatre, etc. It just seems that strict censoring, whether societal or religious, required more CLEVERNESS to get the naughty point across. LOL
I'm not advocating censorship. I just wish there was a heaping cupful of cleverness in the naughtiness recipe.
So what we're saying is that the present generation is LAZY because it's not being clever. I agree.
OMG... I love it! One generation calling the other lazy because they aren't being clever with disguising their dirty words in their music!
ROTFLMAO!
Well, if you're going to talk sex, you should hide it under a good saddle or cover it in whipped cream. Come on, use some imagination!
I'm not advocating censorship either, other than censorship parents choose to impose on their own minor children. I do admit to concerns, however, about a lack of due restraint.
You know, it's almost a matter of taste. A lot of lyrics in hip hop are so vulgar to women. But then when I was headbanging in the 80s, I didn't mind this same issue.
I'm aging with every comment, aren't I?
Ugh. Hunting of any sort bothers me. Even fishing--and fishing is my husband's pointless pasttime of choice. I won't try to waste time likening it to writing because I just can't bear to make my brain consider it. Especially the ice fishing. I mean really, who could honestly enjoy sitting in a 4x4 wooden shack with 3 other guys (none of whom showered or shaved that day and are either smoking or drinking--or both) on a cold wooden bench looking down a hole drilled into the ice and staring at the black water all day. Its not like there's nature to look at, and they don't even bring a book to read or ANYTHING.
*sigh* Sorry.
And I've now noticed that somehow the topic of conversation has morphed into one about swearing in music, but I don't have the time or energy to figure out when it happened or follow the natural flow. Love you guys, though!!
Janga, I agree about age-appropriate restraints, and I don't consider that censorship. That's common sense!
I mean, do you want children reading these posts? LOL Eeek.
(Even though we're all children at heart here. LOL)
And JK -- I can't even imagine someone doing ice fishing WILLINGLY. Yeah, if you lost a bet or something. But it boggles my mind!
JK, I have to admit, I wonder how bad things are at home that ICE FISHING is more preferable than spending time at home, but men, bless them, are men. I don't understand getting out of a warm bed at 3 am to hunt deer. So long as the meat isn't going to waste, et al, and so long as I'm not the one required to field dress the deer, I'm fine with it.
But Cassondra at the Bandits had a great analogy with fishing and writing. Basically it was a whole patience while you were waiting for the fish to bite, to not fiddle with the line, to be silent and let the muse come. (And I love me some fried fish, so I'm totally game.)
Don't worry, JK, the rest of the group didn't like the deer hunting topic either and just switched to another channel.
Hey, hey, THIS blog was age appropriate until Bo'sun decided to share her adventures in the Birds and the Bees talk.
Being I unfortunately know children who use the term "WTF".
OMG Q cracks me up! And may I say sir ... Your comment was Quite Electrifying!
Hey, long as that bambi is being eaten, I don't mind the hunter analogy. I'm just on a brain vacation...often happens when I've been overstimulated.
Get yer mind outta that gutter!
I'm still wafting about in steamworld and trying to keep myself moving forward instead of floating off in some dirigible...
Jules, I was quite thrilled by the use of "Event Horizon" in Q's comment.
Since Hellion can take just about any topic and make it work, I'll admit right now I've been waiting for the one that explains Steven Tyler as a sex object. Never understood that one...
Sorry that I'm so late Hellion ....
My parents were opposites. And my husband’s parents were opposites too. I’m a Byzantine Good Ol Boy , while my DH is a Red Neck Brit. So even though my DH and I are Very different, we different in similar ways. Does that make any sense to you guys?
And the man doesn’t “complete me”, he compliments me… in such a way that I become something different from what I might have been with out him. And my presence in his life, has made him a different creature than he would be with out me. Its like when an oxygen atom gets together with a hydrogen atom , and they become H2O ! Though perhaps, considering the way my DH & I synthesize, we are less like H20 and more like C7H5N3O6... aka TNT!
Ooooh, a CHALLENGE! (Actually I like Steven Tyler. It's Mick Jagger I never understood!)
Hellion, I was too! Lets face it “Event Horizon” sounds Thrilling. Romantic even. Orgasm sounds like organism. Sounds like you have Parasites. Ick!
And Steven Tyler ? Ooooh , he looks like an old woman now. Talk about Dude Looks Like a Lady!
Donna said:I mean, do you want children reading these posts?
Not do I not want my children reading my posts ... I don't want my DH ... my mother ... my father ... my Uncle ...
I missed the party today. :( Sorry guys. I spent the morning at the doctor's. Bleh.
I never understood hunting either and I grew up in a huge hunting area. Pennsylvania gets the first day of buck season off, after all. Insane.
My hubby likes fishing too, just like JK's, and I don't understand it either. That and golf. Another pointless sport. Don't get it.
As far as opposites go... DH and I are pretty opposite but not in the he's a mass murderer way that Irish explained. I'm outspoken, extroverted. He's kinda quiet and conservative. We make it work though. I think it keeps things interesting. And honestly, if I married someone like me, I'd probably make myself crazy. :)
I do adore when my husband goes out fishing for tuna and comes home with a few. Nothing like fresh blackened tuna... But often, especially the last few years, there are no tuna.
As my brother says, "They don't call it catching, the call it fishing.".
Marn, the doctor's office is no place to spend all day!
I think opposites do keep it interesting; and if you're in right frame of mind, amusing. :)
I don't get golf either. At all. (But I'm pretty sure he doesn't get Harry Potter either, so we're even.)
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