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Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I swear I haven't forgotten...
Honestly, I could pretend like I wrote this blog last night and it's the most fabulous thing your going to read all year, but it's me. And I tell it how I see it and this numbskull doesn't have internet at home yet (haven't had time to call and set it up) and left my blog at home this morning therefore can't load it to post at midnight. So this is from my personal blog which doesn't get updated frequently but this blog served to remind me to reflect on my choices and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My writing will come to fruition this year. I have a gut feeling about this year.
*** December 2006 ***
I've never been a talkative person. When I was younger, talking to someone was about as painful to me as a root canal and it's not much better now. I get all flustered and my face flushes pink. I start to get spoltchy and my brain turns to mush. It's frustrating to feel that feeling of my throat swelling closed and I just have to nod, put my head down and walk away. I say this because I was watching my DH today while he was working and was amazed at his ability to just talk to anyone. He literally took someone just walking by and had a thirty minute conversation with a stranger. A comfortable conversation too, like they'd known each other for years. When the guy walked away from the DH, he smiled and waved and the DH turned to me and said, "I have a problem. It's a disease." Then he smiled and I turned into blubering mush like I do so often.
Which got me to wondering- Is the DH's gift of gab much like my love for voicing myself through writing?
The DH and I are completely opposite of each other. It fascinating to me to think of all the things we don't have in common and that we're perfectly happy together. It annoys him that I spend so much time logged on the computer. At first I kept my writing hidden from him, worried that he would think me more of a nerd than he already knows I am; but then he caught me one night before I could shut down the computer when he came home from work. Then we had the writing conversation. "I'm only doing it for fun. I'm bored while you're at work." He shook his head and I'm sure didn't think anything of it.
Only problem was, it wasn't just for fun for me. Writing has turned into an obsession for me. In just a little over a year, I turned from a bookaholic to a writeraholic. I don't imagine that anything will ever come from it, but there's that tiny little fire in my heart that just keeps on living.
Is there anything that you keep secret, just so that you have something for yourself? Something that makes you happy to do? Like reading is my second favorite passion. I leave books everywhere so that at any given moment, I can pick up a book and read a few paragraphs. Was there a pivotal moment when you came out about your writing to a loved one, and you were so excited only to find out they weren't? Does it or will it stop you from doing what you love?
*** December 2006 ***
I've never been a talkative person. When I was younger, talking to someone was about as painful to me as a root canal and it's not much better now. I get all flustered and my face flushes pink. I start to get spoltchy and my brain turns to mush. It's frustrating to feel that feeling of my throat swelling closed and I just have to nod, put my head down and walk away. I say this because I was watching my DH today while he was working and was amazed at his ability to just talk to anyone. He literally took someone just walking by and had a thirty minute conversation with a stranger. A comfortable conversation too, like they'd known each other for years. When the guy walked away from the DH, he smiled and waved and the DH turned to me and said, "I have a problem. It's a disease." Then he smiled and I turned into blubering mush like I do so often.
Which got me to wondering- Is the DH's gift of gab much like my love for voicing myself through writing?
The DH and I are completely opposite of each other. It fascinating to me to think of all the things we don't have in common and that we're perfectly happy together. It annoys him that I spend so much time logged on the computer. At first I kept my writing hidden from him, worried that he would think me more of a nerd than he already knows I am; but then he caught me one night before I could shut down the computer when he came home from work. Then we had the writing conversation. "I'm only doing it for fun. I'm bored while you're at work." He shook his head and I'm sure didn't think anything of it.
Only problem was, it wasn't just for fun for me. Writing has turned into an obsession for me. In just a little over a year, I turned from a bookaholic to a writeraholic. I don't imagine that anything will ever come from it, but there's that tiny little fire in my heart that just keeps on living.
Is there anything that you keep secret, just so that you have something for yourself? Something that makes you happy to do? Like reading is my second favorite passion. I leave books everywhere so that at any given moment, I can pick up a book and read a few paragraphs. Was there a pivotal moment when you came out about your writing to a loved one, and you were so excited only to find out they weren't? Does it or will it stop you from doing what you love?
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2006,
Quartermaster's Queries (Sin),
Sin
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28 comments:
I love these bits a the real Sin ya scatter behind ya...
Any real secrets that make me happy? Alas. No. I'm pretty out there with the happy stuff. The not-so-happy stuff tends ta stay inside. (Which may come as a surprise ta those I do share some of it wit'...)
I do on readin' binges I don't talk about...readin' books that no one else has ever heard of. Like the series I'm working through right now about a dwarf detective. Man, this author wrote good stuff.
I know me Mum is worried about me writin'. She's worried I'll be disappointed. So, she's not real excited fer me, because she's worried fer me. It's not that she don't have faith in me talent, though she's never read what I'm writin'. But she knows how fragile I can be and I'm her youngest daughter and she's a mom. She worries.
The only thing that will stop me is me.
And ah! I remember those years of writing until my eyes blurred and it was all I wanted to do and it so damned much fun!
Thanks for sharing those thoughts Sin. Shyness can be difficult to live with but I think that it can also be very endearing in others.
As a schoolboy I once had a diary as a Christmas present. I would record some of my most intimate thoughts in it until one day I think that my mum found it. It was well hidden but the location had been disturbed, so I knew!
It can be so hurtful when someone, even someone close, reads your secret thoughts. The theme is beautifully developed by Toni Blake in her 'The Red Diary'.
Writing is such an intimate way of communicating, and can be so embarrassing if it is discovered by others, that I now encrypt or password protect my innermost thoughts.
Though for the right person, I can be persuaded to part with the key. :wink:
Lovely blog for a snowbound morning.
Don't ever stop writing Sin! :D
Sin~
You blow me away. I could have written this word for word.
The only difference is that he's one of the first who encouraged me.
Di
Still a great blog, Sin.
:)
My DH and I are opposites as well. But I'm the extrovert, the one that can carry on a conversation with anyone. In fact, I love to start random conversations. I do blush sometimes, but it takes a lot to get me to blush these days.
As for having a secret.... I'm Irish. We don't have a lot of secrets. LOL! But my DH is my biggest fan. He hasn't read anything I've written yet, but he constant brags about my writing to others. That's something. I'm actually fine with him not reading it. I'm not sure I am ready for him to be putting in his input. He's never read a romance. When I get signed with publisher, he'll probably read then. :)
I'm sure this will shock everyone, but I'm a total extrovert. *pauses for collective gasps of awe*
I could talk to anyone and have been known to talk to thousands all at the same time. LOL! I don't think I blush much. Can't remember the last time. Huh. And I'm not Irish (that I know of) but I don't have many secrets either. There is this big one I sort of have at work and the other person of the secret nearly blew the secret on Monday, but he didn't. Whew! That was close.
I don't hide the fact I'm a romance writer and most guys I've told sound impressed. However, they could all be very good actors and the voice in their head is screaming "RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!" There's no way to know for sure. :)
I don’t imagine that anything will ever come from it, but there’s that tiny little fire in my heart that just keeps on living.
I love this line. I sometimes feel this way...when everything's going right, of course. *LOL*
Things I just keep secret? I don't know. I don't think so, but there's not a lot I just talk about with just anyone either. And if you ask me about my writing, I'm just as likely to change the subject as I am to talk about it. More likely actually. I'll talk about writing to other writers--but just about writing in general. I don't want to discuss my actual writing. And if you ask me what my story is about, a lot of the time, I won't want to tell you. I think it ruins the magic. The magic of writing the story rather than talking about it. And the magic really takes a hit if you end up telling someone about the story who doesn't respect the story or your abilities as much as you do.
So I can really see why you'd want to keep your writing in secrecy--even I want to make you storyboard about it. *grins*
Things I do just for me. Bad poetry. Sometimes I'll write the worse, soppiest poetry...and sometimes I'll do yoga (or I used to) because I was getting really good and felt really strong--and it was all for me. (I wish I had that fire for it now. *LOL*) And a lot of the time I'll cook just for me. If there is a dish I REALLY want to eat, regardless if I'm the only one living in my house, the only one who will eat it, I'll make it. I love the process of cooking.
Sin, I understand your shyness. Thirty plus years of teaching and conferences and workshops failed to cure mine. And just remembering my oral examinations stikes terror to my heart.
I've always written something, so my family thinks about me as a writer. Even extended family members ask about queries and have faith that I'll add novels to my publication credits. The five-year-old grand's current favorite "toy" after all the bounty of Christmas is an old portfolio filled with printed copies of early drafts of articles and poems. We had a crisis until he made us understand that he didn't want blank paper but paper with "real words." He calls it his book, carries it everywhere, and tells anyone who will listen about his word count--twenty hundred thousand the last I heard. :)
Oh, and I'm an introvert with extrovert tendencies. Meaning, most of the time, I'd rather be home alone, watching my Harry Potter movies, not being stressed out by people in general. But I am a person who could start up a conversation with a complete stranger in the grocery line, the gym or work and act like I've known them for years. Of course, once they leave, I'm usually thinking, "Why did they feel compelled to tell me their life story of substance abuse and horrible divorce?"
However, if you take me to a party (where we're supposed to be having fun) and you tell me to mingle, I will not talk to a soul and I'll be miserable the entire time. Unless of course, I'm seated next to Leslie Langtry. Then it's impossible to be miserable. You just try to keep up.
Or give Hellie Rum Runners. That too loosens her up. I've seen it.
As usually happens with Sin's blogs, there's a lot of food for thought. The first part makes me think of shyness, even though that word isn't mentioned. It's like "shy" isn't a big enough word to encompass all it's definitions. It shys away from being labeled. Ha. Ha.
It's been used to describe me. I had the honor of being in the high school yearbook as voted "most shy" with a corny picture of me peeping over a wall. Geez, I hated that.
I always get why "shy" people excel as writers or even actors. They get to be someone else, but more so, express parts of themselves that get denied a chance. To me, my "shyness" was, and sometimes still is, having too many scenarios running through my head in social situations. Combine that with being uncomfortable with not being able to predict an outcome to what I say, then it's no wonder I get too self conscious.
Thank goodness for close friends, but I'm also writing to "voice myself." It is my secret that makes me happy.
I have experienced coming out about my writing and finding the recipient not so excited. I get it though. Someone who's passionate about fishing can tell me they fish and I'm not so excited either. :)
A little too loose. Don't be tellin' stories, Bo'sun, or I won't take you next time.
Who took whom?!
Speaking for myself!
Yeah, it's funny how the extrovert can come out with a little rum. *LOL*
Tiff took us. I blame her.
The chick without a drivers license visiting a different country took us. Makes perfect sense.
Though she was the corrupting influence on that trip. Totally her fault. Being the designated driver has never been so fun.
That's correct.
Is that what you were saying at 4 am? That being the designated driver has never been so much fun? Huh.
I was thinking it was fun while begging not to have to get up in the morning (in a couple hours) to go to Jamestown. But it was an adventure, no doubt about that.
I be a secret extrovert.
;)
I'm an introvert by design, an extrovert by necessity. LOL I prefer to be alone with my books and my writing, but I rise to the occasion when it's time to mingle with the outside world.
And the mention of Toni Blake's The Red Diary -- I just picked that up today at the library! Perfect timing it sounds like.
Good Morning Sin and Crew!
My husband and I had this exact conversation a few nights ago, he is Mr Mouth, very social, very outgoing, flirty, confident and I on the other hand would say I am very social but I tend to sit back, take in the situation and then move forward.
His comment to me though, was I am far better at expressing emotion in writing that verbally? WHAT??? Where did he get this from? He has always been a huge supporter of my writing and actually I have to admit, he gave me the push I needed to keep plugging away at it.
Hmm.. let's see do I have a secret? well maybe but if I tell it won't be a secret anymore LOL! Have a great week Sin! Great blog!
I also be a secret introvert.
Secrets? I have no secrets. I live a quiet, uneventful life.
However
I do believe that there is nothing wrong with keeping some of your self , your very inner most private self, to yourself. I think that it is normal and healthy to do so. Greta Garbo said …
There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.
Julie, those are exactly the 'inner secrets' that I write in my encrypted diary. I think that once in a life time, if you are lucky, you meet a person that you want to share those secrets with.
I greatly admire Garbo's films but suspect that she never met that person!
I do believe that you are right Q. And if she ever did then she kept that ... a secret.
BTW Quantum you are quite right …
Writing is such an intimate way of communicating
This is why writing makes me feel rather uncomfortable.
This is Also the reason that I do it. It’s a challenge for me.
SIn, this one is for you.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other because that is the only way I know how to Be. Besides … if I keep putting one foot in front of the other then I am less likely to end up with one of them in my mouth! :)
Wow Sin I could have written your blog. Except for the fascination with weaponry and how many different ways you can kill a person you and I are kind of similar introverts! :)
My reading and my writing are something that very few people who know me know about me, even the DH until recently. He also happened upon me late one night as I was writing away. He thought I was doing the kids homework. LOL He asked what it was and just before I was tempted to tell him some lie I admitted that I was "just messing around with a story in my head". His reaction was completely opposite of what I thought it would be. He smiled, nodded his head and said "Cool! Will you let me read it or is it too private?" I let him read it and ever since he's been on my ass to keep at it. So I'm not sure whether that was a blessing or not.
Most of the people closest to me or who have known me all my life would be surprised by the amount of time I spend with my nose in a book and would be really shocked to learn that I write.
My DH is the same way, Sin. It used to embarrass me a great deal. I'd be like "Do you have to strike up a conversation with every Tom, Dick and Harry you run into?" At amusement parks, grocery stores, doctor's offices... it didn't matter, he'd talk to anyone, anywhere about anything! The nice thing is that my introvert self can hole up in the house and he can go out and mingle with the neighbors - he knew everyone in our neighborhood within days of us moving in and I didn't have to do anything but smile and wave.
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