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A Pirate's Christmas Carol: Visit from Jane Austen
Christmas was tomorrow. That was the first thing to be remembered. Christmas was tomorrow, and all my crew had lost their ever-lovin’ minds.
A chill was in the air—a mere 68 degrees on the Caribbean shore where we were currently docked to spend the holidays. You could tell it was Christmas, could practically smell the evergreen even though we were surrounded by palm trees. If it had started snowing, I was sure it would have the feel of a Dickens novel.
I hated Dickens. Mr. Anti-minimalist; that man must have been paid by the word. Jane Austen, now there was a fine novelist, and she wouldn’t have any sappy Christmas stories like the ones Dickens bandied about, manipulating perfectly rational pirates into decorating for weeks on end and making copious amounts of treats. Ridiculous.
I watched the ship festivities like I watched all the ship’s festivities: with suspicion and crankiness. This was a working ship, not a pleasure cruise. We were pirate writers! And here the crew was completely larking about, putting up tinsel, eating bon-bons, and singing. It was nauseating.
I was going to put a stop to it.
I opened the door to my office—and it was almost as if the theme to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly whistled across the deck, ooolie, ooolie, oooo—and all frivolities stopped. Santa clutched her ceramic bowl a little tighter to her chest, the butter and sugar within only half creamed. Sugar cookies, I suppose. Hal straddled the mizzenmast, a coil of evergreen and tinsel over one shoulder, but she was as still as a statue, as if she thought I wouldn’t notice that the top half of my ship was wrapped in garland and blinking colored lights. Honestly. Mo stood stock still, stirring a bowl of milky substance, though unfortunately for her when I came out of my office, she’d been pouring rum at the time. In her bid to pretend she was frozen in time, the rum bottle continued to pour. Then again, knowing Mo, that was probably the standard dosage of rum needed for an RWR eggnog punch.
I noted Terri and Sin were conspicuously absent. Probably buying nanos for all the orphans in China or something. As if orphans cared for the latest iTune by the Jonas brothers.
“What are you pirates doing?”
Mo put down the rum bottle and held her arms wide. “Does somebody need a hug?”
“I do not. Tell me what is going on.”
“It’s Christmas Eve.”
“I am aware what calendar day it is, Hal, but what are the pirates doing? What type of ship do you think I’m running here? Do you think I pay you to tack up gaudy decorations and eat bon-bons instead of write? Ridiculous!”
The trapdoor opened and Marn popped from its depths like a victorious Jack in the Box, waving a bit of greenery in her hand. “I found it! The mistletoe was where I thought. The Captain keeps it pinned above her bed and considering where above the bed it was pinned, I bet it’s a hint to Jack of where she wants to be kis….” Marn paused. “The Captain is standing right behind me, isn’t she?” She turned. “Good morrow, Hellie, how are you today?”
“Vexed.”
My gunner visibly swallowed. “I’m sorry to hear that, Hellie.”
“Do you know why I’m vexed? Because I have a shipful of crew who’d rather make cookies and sing God Rest Ye Merry Pirates than write on their manuscripts! How is the publishing world going to take us seriously when we lollygag all the livelong day?”
An odd cat-screeching sound vibrated up from beneath the floorboards. What the hell…were there ghosts on the ship? “What is that?”
Marn gave a wicked grin. “It’s more who is that. It’s Terri. She’s auditioning the Christmas Orgasm Elves to make sure none of them are duds.” The other pirates smirked. “So far, none of them have been.” Worse, they then started giggling. “The Bo’sun takes her job very seriously.”
They burst into raucous laughter as I narrowed a gimlet stare and said nothing. One by one, they hiccupped into silence, trying to look contrite. “Good. Now I trust you will remember yourselves for the rest of the day?”
“It’s just Christmas Eve,” Mo reminded me.
“Yes, and tomorrow’s Christmas. Tomorrow is the day you have off. Today you need to be writing.” I gestured to all the garland and cookies and eggnog. “Now put that away and get back to work—or I’ll have you fired! Ridiculous,” I muttered under my breath.
I stomped back to my cabin, slamming my door behind me. Sin bounced up and down in the chair before my desk. She was holding a brightly colored package in her hands. She looked…happy. Gah. I did not have the patience for this today.
“That package better contain the manuscript of your newly completed novel, my little spider monkey.”
Sin grinned, clearly not listening to the threat in my voice. Of course, she never had. Why would she start now?
“It’s even better! It’s your Christmas present!” She put the present in front of me.
I stared at the vivid paper and curling ribbons, then folded my hands on my desk. “What day is today?”
“Christmas Eve! Go ahead, open it!”
“That’s right, so tomorrow is Christmas.” I pushed the present back toward her. “Today is not a holiday, and you need to go back to your room and continue writing. Do you think your Nika Riley books are just going to manifest themselves? What is it you pirates have against working anyway?”
I opened my laptop to demonstrate what a hardworking pirate was supposed to be doing and stared at the cursor on the page. I had no idea what Adam should be doing next. Apparently he was taking the day off too. Was nobody working today?
“It’s Christmas!” Sin said, shutting my laptop. “It’s time for bon-bons and noodles and mashed potatoes and New Moon.”
“It’s time to finish our novels.”
“All work and no play makes the Captain a cranky ass.” She pushed the present back toward me. We began a small shoving war, which ended when the door opened again and in came two visitors. Landlubbers by the look of them, and jolly to boot. Was there no end to this hellish day?
“’ello, Captain Hellion, we are so pleased to meet you. Second Chance has told us so much about your ship. We know someone as successful as you are, running a blog about writing and managing a crew of novelists, you would be just as generous in your donations to those not as well off as you are.”
Just what I needed. Door-to-door telemarketers. This is what comes in asking rhetorical questions in which you know the situation is bound to get worse.
“People like who?” I asked, though I knew I would regret the answer. Still running them through would be frowned upon, even with my cantankerous reputation.
“You know. Fledging writers, those who don’t even consider themselves real writers. I know you’re more than willing to lead a seminar or donate money to send well-deserving….”
I better cut this off while I still had a chance. “Are there no more suicide hotlines? A dearth of chocolate? Are you suggesting these well-deserving wannabes are unable to avail themselves to bottles of rum?”
The two men exchanged frowns. I could only surmise this meeting was not going as they had planned. The bald one cleared his throat. “Well, yes, of course, there are hotlines….”
“Good. You had me worried. Have those doubting writers call the hotline then. I’m sure they’ll fare better than Virginia Woolf did. Best of all, it keeps those positive Pollyanna counselors working and off the streets, and in this economy every job counts, right?”
“But….”
“Ernest Hemingway wrote several books with rum as his major character development and if that misogynist could get published, anyone can. Drink more rum. That’s what I always say. Now if you’re through trying to bilk me out of my hard-earned money, please find the plank and never return. Thank you.”
The skinny earnest one stared at me like I was the devil, only meaner. “But the writers….”
“If they want to write, they will write. They don’t need my coin to do it. Good day.”
The men left reluctantly with Sin showing them out. It was about time the wench remembered her place. I opened my laptop again and tapped out another four pages before I decided I was done fighting with Adam. Perhaps it was just as well that I had some supper and went to bed. It was too late to get any work out of my crew, and tomorrow was Christmas. I better rest up for it.
The ramen noodles I fixed were overcooked. I squirted in a bit more of the cock sauce to drown out the mushy flavor and settled down in my bed to read a little Sense & Sensibility. Colonel Brandon was always good for a nightcap. A lovely book—such a shame that ridiculous sea monsters version had come out. The Bo’sun had gotten me the Zombie Pride & Prejudice as a joke, but I found nothing funny about it. Jane Austen must be spinning in her grave.
The room felt drafty, a frosty chill in the air, and I pulled my comforter tighter around me. It was good to read Austen as she was meant to be enjoyed. Ah, to be as successful as she was. That is the most a pirate could ever hope for. Even she knew you had to choose one over the other. Love and family was better experienced in fiction, where everything turned out right in the end.
Not like real life.
A pirate couldn’t count on love, but writing, writing was always there. Tomorrow would be a good writing day, I knew. Oh, wait, it was Christmas. The crew would undoubtedly have a fit if I tried to write on Christmas. Ridiculous. I would write any day I wanted to. Christmas was just another day of the year. I sniffled and turned my face in the pillow a moment. Not that I was crying or anything, because I was not a weeper. The cold was just getting to my eyes, that’s all. And Christmas was a stupid, ridiculous holiday and I hated it. I opened my book back up and began reading the organized lives of Austen’s characters.
I must have dozed a little because I woke and realized I was not alone in my room.
Jane Austen frowned at me from my Captain’s chair. “I hope you’re happy.”
I screeched, clutching at my blankets and flipping out of my bed. I bounded up, barely noticing the pain. “You’re…you’re…you’re dead. You’re Jane Austen…and you’re dead.”
“It’s sad really. You seem intelligent—what with knowing who I am and my living circumstances, and yet like the others, you live in such a way that I have to visit you instead of having a nice and normal Christmas like other ghosts.”
I pointed at her and then around the room. “But…I…what….”
“Calm yourself, Captain. I am merely here to tell you two things. One, if you do not mend your ways, you will die like me: successful perhaps, in the narrow scope you view the world, but miserable, chained to the deck of this ship, bound to sail the perilous waters in search of treasure that can never be found. There is a chance that you can mend your future, but only if you listen….”
I was really going to have to stop eating ramen noodles so late at night. And definitely a no to the cock sauce.
“And two, you will be visited by three spirits this night.”
“Three more spirits? Are they, are they how I mend my future?”
“Yes. The first will visit you at the stroke of one of the clock. The second will visit you at the stroke of two; and the third…”
“The stroke of three?”
“No, actually he’ll be here at four. He’s always a little late but considering who he is, no one argues.”
“Who is he exactly?”
“You will see. My time grows short, and I must return to the Afterlife I have created for myself. One without any Mr. Darcy of my own, and one in which I live in infamy in having a book that was turned into a zombie satire. Ms. Hellion, do not make the same mistakes I have made.” Jane Austen went to the window, rest a hand against the sash. “Do not waste your second chance at true happiness.” And she disappeared as if she were never there.
I ran to the window and checked every edge, but the window was closed. Locked. There was no evidence at all that anyone had been in my room, although I thought I could smell the faint whisper of lavender.
It was the ramen. Sleep. That’s what I needed. I crawled back up into my bed and dismissed all absurdity from my mind. Three ghosts…ridiculous.
Stay tuned on Tuesday as Captain Hellion is visited by the first of the three spirits: the ghost of Christmas past. In the meantime, who is your favorite Scrooge and/or A Christmas Carol?
Books by the Crew
81 comments:
Another brilliant blog, Hellie! I just tweeted about it. It’s too good not to share. I can’t wait to read the rest of it Tuesday.
I tried counting the versions and adaptations of A Christmas Carol that I’ve seen. Thirty, I think—not counting the stage productions. My favorite film version is an old one with Alistair Sim as Scrooge. I like the Cecily Tyson TV version too. I also love A Muppet’s Christmas Carol and Scrooged. (Carol Kane is my favorite Ghost.) The worst ones are the Tori Spelling one and the Barbie version. The Vanessa Williams as rock star Scroogette version is pretty bad too.
Ah, my fair Janga, the Christmas Carol will be with us all week. Tomorrow (er, Tuesday) is the Ghost of Christmas Past...and Wednesday is Christmas Present, Thursday is the Future, and of course, Friday is all about: Did Hellie learn the meaning of Christmas?
We shall see. *trying for mysterious look*
I cannot believe we've been tweeted. That's hilarious. You know you've arrived if someone tweeted about you! Maybe this will go viral! *LOL*
I have never even heard of Alistair Sim (love the name though!). I think my favorite is the Muppet's version--but it's mainly because of the rats. "Heat wave! This is our island in the sun!"
There was a TORI SPELLING one? Seriously? You're hard core to have watched that one, Janga. *LOL*
Aye, I be a bit partial ta "Scrooged" ... I think because a' Carol Kane sluggin' Bill Murray... And I were fond a' the Ghost a' Christmas Future reachin' fer 'im... Pretty cool.
But the Muppets version be brilliant also...
Brilliant start a' the week, Cap'n! And I do not waste perfectly good rum on egg nog... I'd rather drink the pure stuff...
Rum, not nog.
Sorry, Chance, should I have had you making Rum Punch?
You know, I don't think I've seen the Bill Murray Scrooged yet. (I know, shame on me.) And I loved Bill's comedies from the 80s. (Not so much his modern attempts at comedies--Lost in Translation was just that. But Stripes? Nothing funnier than that. "That's the fact, Jack!")
Good to have you back on the ship, Chance. Hope you enjoyed your vacation...
I'll be sendin' some pics later on Monday... Me at the wheel a' the Talofa!
Rum Punch...drool...
Ya gots ta keep an eye out fer "Scrooged", Cap'n... He were good in it. But the ghosts? All a' them were brilliant!
Though I like Jane bein' upset about the zombie book! ;)
Hey, Helly, I mean, Cap'n, Sir, that was bloomin' brilliant! Bah Humbug and shiver me timbers! I want to know what happens next! What a fun way to celebrate the holiday that will not be named - at least until we get to the mushy end! Laughed my head off at Jane resenting the Zombie input! Actually laughing my head off is kinda zombie-ish if you think about it!
Anyway, enough of my pre-Christmas (oops, I said it!) rambling. More please!
Hey, pirates, the ship looks great in all that tinsel!
I'm speechless.
Mind is boggling ... nothing sensible is coming!
That's brilliant, Bloody Brilliant!
Worthy of Tony Hancock in his prime :D
Bravo Cap'n Helli !!!
LaAnna!! How wonderful to see you on board the ship!! Definitely come back tomorrow to see how Sin presents the Ghost of Christmas Past. I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
*blows kiss* Thank you, Q. I love it when I leave you insensible. *wicked grin* You're going to be drooling when you read Sin's part of the Carol!
She's paying us?! When did that start??? I haven't seen a bloody dime!!!!
I never get tired of reading this. LOL! This may be the coolest thing we've done on this ship. LOL! It's going to be such a fun week.
That Tori Spelling version was on yesterday. Luckily, I had a reason to leave the house or kiddo would have watched the whole thing. I got to see this live on stage once and it was awesome. But I'm with everyone else, it's a toss up between Scrooged and the Muppets version.
How could you have not seen Scrooged?!
PS: Weren't we going to make them guess who wrote which part? LOL!
P.S. I'll start paying you as soon as you start buying nanos for all the orphans in China...and personally testing all the Orgasm Elves.
Yeah, I was, but since I had Sin load hers, it says, "Quartermaster's Quarrels" or whatever...so that's usually a pretty hefty clue.
I think Scrooged came out in the late 80s, when I didn't have a VCR; and by the time I got one, it wasn't a movie I ever needed to see. *LOL* I did see High Spirits--with Steve Guttenberg--does that count?
Thank God for Disney, then! You missed that bullet!! Did you like the movie?
Orphans or orgasms. That's a tough choice. I'll have to think about it.
Not a fan of the movie. Quite disappointed actually. And you were right about the voodoo stuff, too creepy. The scenes with Ray were the best parts.
And you have to see Scrooged. I'll make you a deal. I'll watch Elf before Christmas if you'll watch Scrooged. What do you say?
Awesome, Cap'n, Awesome!
I cannot wait to read the rest.
I love the Muppets, the one with George C. Scott, the one with Alistair Sim, and the new one with Jim Carey was pretty good too. We didn't see it in 3D, but it was still well done.
Di
Ray was the best part. I did not like the Prince at all. Didn't like him at the end a whole lot either. I liked Tiana, but the story itself wasn't the best thing ever. It was no Beauty & the Beast. I sobbed at the end of B&tB (and I preferred him as a beast than a prince), but this one...*shrugs* It was okay.
I thought the spoiled little white girl was a riot though. They could have made her awful, but at least she was very nice.
Also, clearly I'm too old to be watching this movie because the whole time I watched Tiana in 1920s New Orleans, all I could think was, "I'm pretty sure they would not have let her buy land" and "I'm pretty sure everyone would be a lot more foul and a lot more bigoted"...and the voodoo was plain creepy. It's like playing with Ouija boards...a dumbass thing to do.
Di, you are a Christmas Carol connosuier (or however that is spelled, I'm not French)--do you just like the story that much to see and like all those versions? I've never been that big a fan of the story for some reason. (I mean, it's a good story, I think I was not a fan of Dickens from even an early age...*LOL*) I was more a fan of the other Christmas stories: Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, Meet Me in St. Louis... But I think most people are fans of this story first...
I'll try to dig around to see if anyone has a copy of Scrooged. I wonder if Susan has it...
Elf will still be better.
I think this blog is proof you might relate too closely with old Scrooge. LOL!
Kiddo and I are buzzing through Christmas movies this year. It's a Wonderful Life, White Christmas and the corny ones on ABC Family (which is where the Tori Spelling version of this shows.) I'm in the spirit much more this year than I have been in a long while.
Yes, but I wasn't Scrooge when I was 9. Hellloooo.
You have to see Fred Claus too, if you haven't. That scene where he says no one deserves to be on the naughty list chokes me up every time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I preloaded mine into Captain's Quarters.
*frown* Fcking computer.
Anyway, I will be the Ghost of Christmas Past tomorrow. Not that I'm not particularly Christmasy Past all year long. hehe
Hells, as usual, freakin' brilliant. I can't wait to read the rest of the week.
I love this idea--brilliant! As usual, Hellion, your writing makes me smile.
Scrooged was my favorite "Scrooge" rendition. I actually hated the story until I saw it on stage.
Looking forward to the rest of the week.
And I HEART Meet Me in St. Louis
Hell, maybe it is loaded under Captain's Quarters...no one said I was literate! Okay, so I've ruined our game. We'll just think of a new game. I know! Let's do a drinking contest!
This is so awesome - i love it!
I could hardly remember anything about Scrooge. I don't think I've even seen any of the movies.
BUT, I did see "The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" with Matthew McConaughey a few weeks ago. LOL!! (I was forced to watch it, in my defense)
Dee! It's so great to see you!! And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who wasn't a Scrooge fan! *LOL*
Sin, we should watch it during one of our writing meetings. I love it. Esp when she beats up the boy next door because she "hates bullies." *LOL* Her singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas always makes me cry. *sighs*
Hal, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past reminds me of The Ugly Truth--you're racking your brain at the end going, "WHY did these women end up with these guys at the end of the movie?" They were such complete WANKERS--and it feels like there was much more to forgive about them than they'd ever have a chance to forgive about the girl. I mean, sure, it's the season of forgiveness, but honestly, enough is enough. Sometimes I think the history is so damaged between two people, you have to wonder could a "reunion" story really work between you?
But I'm a grudge holder...so what do I know?
Meet Me In St. Louis is an awesome movie. I love when her grandfather dances her around the tree and into the arms of the boy she likes. :)
You didn't buy the end of the Ugly Truth? I did when I watched it, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder why.
Captain Hellie, What a great start to the Christmas week! I cant wait to read the others now!
I am not a huge Scrooge fan either. Love the Grinch, but can't quite love the Scrooge! LOL!
As always you create to entertain! Great job!
I probably bought the end of The Ugly Truth MORE than GoGP. Mainly because they did a good job with the "doozy" reveal and you realize why he is such a wanker--and then when he goes up to the hotel room and completely chickens out. COMPLETELY. You can read it on his face. So I felt sorry for him much more than I felt for Matthew, who decided to be a prat because Jennifer Garner decided to dance with another boy in high school. Oh, okay...
But what both movies had was "the perfect boyfriend" which neither woman chose. They chose the broken fixer-upper guy at the end--and I had to think, "Is this the message we reallllly want to send to girls?" Pick the psychologically damaged one, girls, so you can feel like you really earned your love affair! Having a guy who just loves you is too damned easy and there is absolutely no chemistry.
Now, I can't deny that I operate basically this way, but even I know it's bad.
Thank you, Jane, I can't wait until you read what the rest of the pirates have done. They've really outdone theirselves and done an excellent job. I think you guys will really love it!
(Wow, am I hyping this story as much James Cameron is hyping Avatar? Does anyone want to see that movie? I just look at the clips and go, "Really?" and then I go find a clip for Sherlock Holmes...)
I like the trailer of Avatar (knowing nothing about it to date) but heard this morning that the special effects make even the biggest action fan want to barf. Since the smallest camera movement sends me into the hall for fresh air, I believe I'll be skipping that one.
But kiddo is all excited Sherlock Holmes is PG-13 because she gets to go. LOL! (No, she's not 13, but I'm taking her anyway.)
Oh, and I'm hoping Dee *waves up to Dee* likes raunchy musicals because I'm hoping she'll go see Nine with me while kiddo is gone. LOL!
Who doesn't want to see Nine? *LOL* Be Italian...
CAN. NOT. WAIT. FOR. SHERLOCK. HOLMES.
Mainly because I want to see the pillow scene. *LOL*
Awesome, yet again, Hellie! What a fun idea.
Scrooge in all its many forms has never been top on my holiday list. The DH wants the B&W version, which I'm assuming is the Alistair Sim one. I did like Scrooged, though. Terri, you gotta see Elf. I CANNOT stand Will Farrell but I liked Elf.
I'm a huge White Christmas and It's A Wonderful Life fan. We also trot out all the old cartoons - Frosty The Snowman, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, Year Without A Santa Claus (The DH and daughter do a marvelous heat mizer/snow mizer duet aaallllll season looooong!), etc., etc.
Judy's rendition of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas makes me cry too and I listen to it all the time. I love it!
Sherlock has the best a' two a' me favorite things. Robert Downey, Jr. and Holmes.
I also may get ta me Mum's house early ta take her ta see "It's Complicated". 'Cause if'n I don't, she may not see it and the previews made her giggle back when I took 'er ta see "Julie/Julia"... Anything that can make me Mum giggle deserves extra effort!
So, if'n Sin loaded her version under Quartmaster...I'm loadin' Santa and Me's under Loader's Logic... ;)
Will's version of a human who was raised by elves and doesn't realize he's a human--and then has to assimiliate again is frankly hilarious. He just shows how jaded a lot of us really are once we reach a certain age, like 6 or so.
I could do without him eating gum off of the subway rails, but whatever. But his enthusiasm is hilarious. "What's a Christmas gram!? I want one!" and "SANTA!" and "You don't smell like Santa. You smell like beef and cheese. You sit on a throne of lies."
Hellie - brilliant! Love it!
I love the Muppet version the best too. And I adore Meet Me in St. Louis too. :)
I have read the Dickens version and I must admit, it's the only story I've read by him where he doesn't seem to want to destroy the rainforest with his extraneous words and explanations. (That man can TALK!)
I'm totally psyched about Sherlock Holmes too!! Oh and did anyone see the preview for the movie Legion? It comes out in Jan, but it looks awesome. Paul Bettany is in it.
It's Complicated LOOKS HYSTERICAL. Anything with Steve Martin half-baked can't be bad.
Sin is right. It is under "Captain's Quarters"--all of them are.
Marn, Legion looks cool, but I haven't seen much about it. I think Pam was trying to tell me more about it, when we'd gone to see New Moon, but otherwise, I know nothing. *LOL* But what she told me about it sounded awesome. Fallen angels, wasn't it?
Yep, apparently God decides to wipe out humans because we suck again and instead of the flood, he sends a legion of angels to do it. Apparently Paul Bettany plays Michael who's trying to help the humans and the legion of angels trying to beat us down is led by the Archangel Gabriel.
It looked creepy and cool.
Oh, I saw New Moon this weekend finally. It was pretty good. Definitely better made than Twilight. And I found myself loving up on Jacob, though I can't choose a team. I love both Edward and Jacob. I'm as bad as Bella.
No one is as bad as Bella. *rolls eyes* And technically, she chose. LOL!
As soon as I saw the previews for Legion, I thought, "I have to tell Marn about that!" And then promptly forgot all about it. *sigh*
I read the part of the Dickens book that was my part so as to stick to the story (though Hellie is not happy I didn't tweak one thing. I'm debating fixing it for her.) I didn't like it. And I'm sure I had to read it a long time ago. But I kept thinking, "This is terrible. How did this get published?!"
LOL!
It's always Gabriel who's leading the charge against humanity... He got somethin' against us? Wasn't it Gabriel that Christopher Walken played in The Prophecy...and in Constandine...Tilda Swinton... It's always Gabriel that wants to kick human ass!
I don't know me Bible all that well, but why ain't it ever Michael, or one a' the others?
OK, I'll load ours up under Captain's Ravings...
You are hopeless, Marn. *LOL* It drives me nuts when heroines will not pick someone.
We were watching Holiday Inn last night; and one of the heroines is engaged to Bing Crosby, but has "fallen in love" with Fred Astaire--and she ends up running off with Fred at the very beginning. And she says, "But I love you both!" And all I could think: You're a hussy! Pick one! Drives me crazy. You can't ride two horses with one ass.
I like this stuff cleared up in the beginning. Mainly because I suppose MY fantasy is that the guy does know from the get-go he wants ME forever. He doesn't have to think about it; he doesn't like my best friend as well--it's me all the way, babe.
though Hellie is not happy I didn’t tweak one thing.
That's fine. I'm used to not getting what I want for Christmas. No surprise to me. *sniff, sniff*
I don't know when the hell you got so Purist about it, though. "It's fiction and fantasy" after all, isn't that what I'm told? *LOL*
2nd, YOURS is already loaded. I cleaned it up Saturday and loaded it--so please don't mess with it. *nervous at thought of the misplaced commas and splices going back to original format*
It’s always Gabriel that wants to kick human ass!
That's because Gabriel is a purist.
You can't ride two horses with one ass. That has to be the best saying I've heard this week.
Chance - I've read the bible a couple times (once for college, once for "fun") and the archangels are barely referenced at all. There are supposed to be 7, but I think only 4 get names in the canonical bible. (I might be wrong on that though). I think the Judaic texts mention them more than the Christian ones, but I'm not as familiar.
But you're right about Gabriel being the bad guy in pop culture. I dunno why. (meanie....)
Ter - LOL! As soon as I saw the preview I was like, OMG! I am going to love this movie. Killer angels?! That's totally my scene. LOL!
Hells - I think my problem is I was always Team Edward before I saw this movie. But Taylor plays a really sweet, yummy Jacob. I'd probably have picked him if I hadn't read the books, but I found the Jacob in the books irritating and immature. (But I found them all kinda immature, so who knows?)
From what I remember about Gabriel, he was the trumpet guy for Armageddon, but I thought it was Michael who was leading the army--and the one with the biggest sword.
And it's NOT the Captain's RAVINGS either. Are you trying to rile me, Loader? Do you think that's wise?
I always thought Jacob had more bratty alpha qualities than Edward's control freak alpha qualities.
I liked Jacob better as an alpha because he was a slightly more balanced alpha. *LOL* Had some beta tendencies, didn't try to control her every move which Edward always seemed to. (Edward really annoys me in this regard.) And I liked Jacob better because he liked himself a lot better than Edward did. Nothing more exhausting than trying to date someone who hates himself. Seriously. Take some Paxil.
But yeah, does he do immature things? Yeah. Did Bella? All the time. Is Edward a stalker? Yes, but no one but me seems to find that creepy.
We don't have a settin' fer Captain's Ravings? ;)
Purists. Me arch-enemies... Though yer right, in each movie I mentioned, Gabriel was upset at how stupid the humans were...wasting God's gifts. They weren't pure enough fer it.
Wasn't there an Uriel? Something like that...
(I promise, won't mess wit' anything... Damn.)
Yer the one who gave me Loader's Logic 'stead a' Loaders Lunatic Ramblings...
Uriel is supposed to be the girl angel, I think.
Raphael is the healer angel.
Gabriel is usually the messenger angel. He was the one who supposedly kicked Adam & Eve out of the garden (Mr. Original Bearer of Bad News) and was the one who came to Mary to says, "Good news! You're pregnant and not married!" I could swear Gabriel is mentioned a third time, in the old testament portion, something to do with Jericho, I thought...but not sure.
As Marn says, if you READ the Bible (the popular version), they're not mentioned much and definitely not by name.
Lucifer (Morningstar) and Satan are listed two different ways in the Bible. The decription of hell in the old testatment is a lot different than it is in the new testament.
It's interesting.
I think the Talmud and other Jewish books discuss more in depth the angels themselves and stories about them.
That’s fine. I’m used to not getting what I want for Christmas. No surprise to me. *sniff, sniff*
Do you really think this is going to work? Have you forgotten who you're talking to? LOL!
It was worth a shot, Purist.
And what is this Bible thing y'all are talking about?
(Yes, I'm burning forever...)
Pot. Kettle. Kettle. Pot.
I can live with that.
Fine, but the next time you complain about my Purist qualities, I'm bringing this up. And every time thereafter, if we want to be honest about it....
And I didn't say I wouldn't change it.
*sticks out tongue*
You'll have to wait and see.
Whatever.
Did we kill the blog?
*droll look* No, I'm sure readers are simply still spinning from my brilliance. That's all.
Oh good, I was starting to feel bad.
Okay since I missed most of the convo, there is a movie called Gabriel that is about the angels. It's really quite fascinatingly interesting. http://www.gabrielmovie.com/ and Uriel is the girl angel. And I changed mine to load under Quartermaster but I can change it back.
No, since I let that particular cat out of the bag, leave it. I've changed Santa's and Chance's part of the tale to have their names associated with it.
Meh, who cares about guessing who wrote what anyway. Most of them know our voices by now.
Yeah, I didn't think it was going to be too hard to figure out. And this way, I don't have to ship off any of my books! LOL!
Oh wait, I really need to get rid of some of these.
Sure you do. I'll still find a reason to ship off your books.
I like that, Uriel is the girl angel. Not the woman angel, but the girl angel. And the women's movement comes to a grindin' halt aboard the Romance Writers Revenge.
Uriel, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael - I'm gonna have ta look up the archangels jus' fer fun...
Bible? You mean that book we used ta shelf in mythology?
Yeah, we're all goin' ta hell in a handcart!
There was a women's movement?
I feel so old...
Hellion~ I love the idea of second chances and to me, that is the whole point of the story. I don't like to read Dickins. Ugh! (Sorry a flashback to 9th grade english.)
Terri~I believe that many of Dickins stories were actually published in installments in the newspaper, originally.
I love Elf, I laugh all the way through it every time I see it.
Di
Don't worry, Chance, I'm with ya. I know about the burning bras thing. I'm not old enough to remember it, but I've heard of it. :)
Di - I'd forgotten about that. I think many writers started out that way in the past. Now the only installments in the newspapers are As the Tiger Mistresses Turn. *sigh*
Man, women fought to be called women and not girls! Not that grrl power be a bad thing... But that just cracked me up! The GIRL angel!
Yes, the male angels and the girl angel. A part of me is dyin'!
We can say the others are the boy angels. It's not like we called her the chick angel. (Though technically I didn't call her anything, I just like to poke at you. LOL!)
This is ruddy brilliant, Hellie! I can't wait to see how we all jive together by week's end.
As usual, this blogfest takes a life of its own. I won't try to catch up here but I'll say I don't know enough about the archangels and would love to know more. I have read the bible and more than just what they read out loud in church on Sunday. Yes, that is rather unusual for a Catholic and one that doesn't say she's recovering or ex or whatever is in vogue today.
They were burning bras when I got my trainer, so I'm forever on the edge of that generation, lol.
I didn't like The Ugly Truth or GoGP. Too rushed imho and the endings too contrived. Egads, I sound like an editor or agent. I wish they were better because I adore the actors in both.
I love Scrooged and just about all the versions of The Christmas Castle but my favorite by far is the Patrick Stewart version. I was lucky enough to see it in person on Broadway. It's a one man show. The movie had a full cast.
And I can't read Dickens either. I kind of wish they would publish him in installations. Maybe that was the draw - who knows.
I'm off to write a blog for my chapter. It's due tomorrow. See Terri, you're not alone in your pain, lol.
See you guys tomorrow!
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