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Blog Archive
Closing the Deal
If there is anything a man knows something about, it’s how to close the deal on a climax because believe you-me, the climax for them is the important part of any of their stories. Me, I can agree that the climax is very important to me right now because I want to get to the end of this bloody story. So what can I learn from men and their all-intent focus on getting to the climax? How is it they’re able to close the deal and I can’t get to the end of the current bloody chapter I’m on? Inquiring minds want to know.
Let’s break it down, shall we? I believe the “Closing the Deal” System men implement can be broken into three identifiable parts:
1.) The Hook
2.) The Funny-Serious Charm
3.) The HEA
Now if it’s a good looking guy—and say he’s got some animal magnetism like Taylor Lautner, the only hook he needs is to whip off his shirt at an opportune moment and then move onto 2 and 3. But never worry, a guy doesn’t need major pecs and a pair of guns (though they help) to win a girl’s attention. He just needs a hook. Could be a Porsche or a law degree, or for those of us unimpressed by those things, a crooked smile and a helpless manner at the mailbox. Just something that will get the girl to pause long enough so they can implement stage two: The Funny-Serious Charm.
The Funny-Serious Charm has to be good because a Hook will only get you so far. (Unless you’ve got Taylor Lautner’s pecs.) Marilyn Monroe once said, If a man can make a woman laugh, he can make her do anything. And how right that statement is. A man who can make me laugh is almost as effective as pouring me shots of tequila and waiting for the clothes to come off. Occasionally it’s more effective. I’m not sure what it is that makes it’s so effective. It could be that a lot of jokes are slightly self-deprecating, so it gives the illusion he’s humble; and there is the possibility if he’s telling a joke, he’s not talking about how much money he makes every year, which can be tiresome. But it’s imperative to follow this laugh with something serious. Give a girl time to catch her breath and realize there is a wounded man beneath. After all, that’s why people are funny; they’re trying to cover for a broken heart. Girls can resist men with broken hearts about as much as they resist a guy who’s funny. Which is basically not at all.
Lastly, men close the deal with The HEA. And Lord, they better, because if they get to the crux of the situation and don’t deliver a HEA, there will be no second opportunity. If you’re going to get a girl all invested in your hook and your funny charm, not to mention your wounded broken heart, you better be bringing the goods for the climax, my friend, or you’ll have to take your show to another state.
So back to writing.
How does a girl close the deal with a publisher or agent? Same way. You need a hook. Like women, these guys are looking for a reason to shoot down your pick-up line so it better be good. And it better not be lame like, “Did it hurt?” or “Wait, I have to call my mother.” You better have something original. Believe me, these guys have seen every pick-up line imaginable.
Then, once you have their attention, for God’s sake, don’t lose it. Bring out the Charm—both the funny and the serious. Don’t be dumping a whole bunch of backstory—nobody needs to hear that out the gate; and do keep it interesting. You can be dark and mysterious; or you can be light and entertaining—but foremost, be yourself. (A charming and highly-entertaining version of yourself, but yourself nonetheless.) Don’t be James Bond—he’s been done and you won’t do a good job. They’ll know you’re being a fake; and no one likes big, fat fakers.
Once they’ve fallen in love with you—and you can do it, believe me, men do it all the time—close the deal. Deliver the Happily Ever After. Don’t be lame about it. Don’t skimp on the foreplay and action. Give it all you’ve got, because if you shank the HEA, you’re going to have one grumpy-ass publisher or agent. And don’t dither around getting to the HEA. Don’t be giving us foreplay and action for the sake of foreplay and action—okay, some women just argued with me there (“I’ll take foreplay”)—but honestly, don’t you hate to be naked, writhing, and so close—and then the guy goes, “Well, that’s it for today. Later.” Imagine ending a book like that. I’d kill someone. That’s the number one rule, right there: Don’t do anything that will make your readers want to kill you at the end of the novel. If you’re going to have all that build up, it better be a Fourth of July ending.
Important questions of the day: Best or cheesiest pick-up line you ever used or heard. Best book you’ve ever read that “closed the deal” and you couldn’t wait to get in bed with that author again. Are you having trouble closing the deal on your current manuscript? Share your woes here.
Books by the Crew
40 comments:
I think you got the gist of what drives men Helli, though somewhat oversimplified!
If we use the analogy of climbing a mountain, the mountaineer takes the quickest and hardest route to the summit (climax), he enjoys a challenging read.
The casual walker takes the easy 'tourist path', he's looking for a good easy read.
The rambler takes the unusual routes, hoping to avoid the tourists and enjoy the rarer spectacular views, he's looking for an unusual read.
Me, I like to wander wherever my instinct leads, enjoying the journey even if I don't reach the summit, I like the battle of wits where the hero has to struggle to find his Shangri-La, and it may not be at the summit!
Best pick up line ..... cus it worked.
It was in a physics lecture and I was sitting next to the only girl in the lecture theatre and she was taking notes. "I love your Feynman diagrams, very intuitive, though I'm a Schwinger man myself. Can I buy you a coffee?"
I bought her coffee after every lecture in that course, and romance blossomed .... draw your own conclusions! *grin*
Best book I ever read? Can't answer that but the best recent romance was Amanda Quick's 'Ravished'.
The hero definitely had to struggle with that independently minded heroine, and his Shangri-La was more than unusual. I'm now exploring more of Jayne Ann Krenz in her many hats. She is one author that I would definitely like to meet!
Fabulous blog Helli. I think your actually improving with age if thats possible! 8)
First date with husband. Walking down E.88th St. in NYC on our way to dinner.
H: "Do you like chicken?"
Me: "Yes."
H: (sticks elbow out) "Take a wing."
Cannot believe I fell for it.
Maggie - that's absolutely precious. :) LOL!!
Cheesiest pick up line? I was at a bar with some friends (the cheesiest pick up lines happen in bars, I'm convinced) and this guy comes up to me and says, "I saw you come in" and smiles all suggestively at me.
I waited for an awkward moment, thinking there must be more to the pick up, but there wasn't. I was like, that's it? I smiled politely and excused myself. I mean, seriously?
I think the best pick up lines were always just, "Hi. My name is _____." Or, "Hi, you look pretty tonight." Simple and to the point always worked best on me.
As for books? Rowling.
And my closing the deal? Well, I haven't found an agent yet. So, I guess I'm still working on it....
Q, if you're trying to persuade me men are complicated, I won't believe you. Though I agree that I did try to oversimplify the process a little bit--after all, you and I both know, it's not that easy to get girls. *LOL* There's luck and timing somewhere worked in this procedure, and all I talked about was the work and the "you can't win if you don't play" quality that is sometimes hard to remember when you feel like you've been rejected at every turn.
Your pickup line would have made me laugh; and coffee would have definitely worked for me. *LOL* Always buy a girl caffiene. Always the good idea. (I assume you picked up the tab for the coffee--because my coffee dates never did and that was generally strike one of why the date went down. I'm hopelessly old-fashioned in this way. You also better get the door too.)
Maggie, I can believe it. I would have laughed--and as Marilyn said, if a man can make a girl laugh, he can make her do anything.
Besides you have to cut the guy some slack. He'd donated blood and had walked 40 blocks. It was a wonder he was still conscious!
So yesterday, Ang emailed me to talk about her weekend and she went to a party. I asked her what happened and she said, "Oh do you remember Dan? And what I said to him (one day we had lunch together)?"
"Dude, I can barely remember this morning. Just tell me."
"Call me."
So at lunch I call her. I swear, this is relevant. And she says to me, "I used the cheesiest pick up line ever that day."
"It couldn't have been the cheesiest."
"Are you wearing mirrored pants? Because I can see myself in them."
I nearly peed myself.
"WTF."
"I giggled like a loon and turned bright red."
"Well no shit because I'd be thoroughly embarrassed I couldn't think of something better."
Marn: *laughs* Good to know his eyesight was still 20/20. Yeah, there needed to be a "close the deal" finish with that, which he so clearly did not have. Poor sod.
Simple and easy to remember is always a good plan. "I love you" usually works for me. Assuming I've known you for about 15 years already. (I think it's from watching Braveheart too often, now that I think on it. That's what Wallace says to Murron. "I love you. I always have." Okay that wasn't so much a pick up line as a close the deal line. I guess his pickup line was something in French when he told her that nothing he saw was as beautiful as she was.)
Rowling is always a good, good choice!! I just finished rereading them for my Christmas read--and which my boyfriend, when I indicated what I was reading, said, "AGAIN?" "Yes." "I guess there is J.K. Rowling and then there is everyone else." "Yes, exactly."
Then he told her it was the best day of his life. I swear, boys have no standards what so ever.
Okay off to the salt mines and work. Ugh.
Hells! It's going to snow! Woohoo!
LOL. Maggie that's hilarious. And sort of cute in a nerdy way.
Sin, *ROTFLMAO* that line always makes me laugh and not in a good way, but in a snorting-snot-everywhere-sort-of-derisive-laughter.
Back in college (which is probably the last time I used a pick up line, they never work for me), Mac and I were discussing pick up lines. Mac was an ex-Marine; and we were just friends. And his best pick up line was:
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past again?"
Which was good, I admit. (And being I don't believe in LAFS, I made him walk past again.)
So then I did my line. I wet my fingertip and touched his shirt, then mine. Then I smiled and said, "How about you and me going back to my place and getting out of these wet clothes?"
He agreed that one was pretty rejection free.
P.S. You are also a lunatic to be excited it's going to snow. The drivers in this town are stupid as [BLEEP]--so I hate when it snows. Or rains. Because they are stupid as [BLEEP].
I don't know, Sin. For some reason where I'm concerned they have all sorts of standards.
But regarding the mirrored pants (which nobody should ever wear), since she was offering him sex ("I can see myself in them" hardly can mean anything else), boys would have to be brick stupid to turn that down. Ang is pretty--it's just unfortunate she talks. And is crazy. God bless her.
I just keep thinking of that line in the trailer for When In Rome.
*Dude is looking at his six-pack abs in the mirror*
"Somebody call a vet, because these puppies are sick."
So awful and yet I can't help but laugh.
Back in my younger days I had a buddy that was a total pig. In a charming sort of way. One day he turned and asked, "Do you want to get a six pack and f*ck or should we skip the beer?"
Yeah, he never got it.
I don't think I've ever used a pick up line. *thinks really hard* Nope, none I can remember. Though I love the wet clothes one, that just cracks me up.
And how cool is Mr. Robinson? Such a doll.
As for closing the deal, I'm still struggling to get to the first THE END. Though I'm working on closing the deal on something else right now. Wish me luck!
And I thought my memory was short. What did I do last night?
That line in When in Rome is HYSTERICAL. I laugh every time I hear it. It's probably the best line of the film, but I don't care.
Wow, that IS charming. It would take at least the case before I'd forget what a moron he was.
*suspicious look* What are you closing the deal on? Are you getting a date for your party?
OH! Already?!?
No response yet, of course. But still, if I'm going to get there, I have to close the deal on something. Hopefully, this first try will work out.
Everyone confused yet? LOL!
Yep, confused. But good luck! LOL
My brain can't think of any pick up lines. It's 11 below zero this morning! Thinking...about the closing the deal question though for the current WIP...
Bo'sun, you think 70 degrees is cold.
11 below?! It was 43 yesterday morning and I was seriously whining. LOL!
Melissa, that's alright, I was confused and she'd TOLD me what was going on. Then again, when Sin said, "I don't remember what I did yesterday" I was totally empathizing with that.
Don't worry about coming up with pickup lines. Just get some hot cocoa going and concentrate on staying warm. (And being glad we don't live in Alaska, where I think 11 below is the temperature in July. I mean, who would live there on purpose? Honestly.)
No hot cocoa, but lots of coffee!
This blog post really made me think I need to amp up the big finish. I'm being lazy...like I usually am with love scenes. If I can close the door and leave it to the reader's imagination I usually want to do that, but this one needs - deserves - fireworks and joy and all that good stuff. I need such a great HEA that the reader cries like baby for at least an hour or so.
I wrote that down in a "to do" note to myself in the outline because I'm just tired. LOL (darn kitten keeps wanting to play - attack! - in the night. And she does that all day too...waiting under beds and chairs. My son and I are feeling stalked. LOL)
Melissa - I had to get a collar with a bell for Bumblebee for just that reason. He's 9 mos old now and finally cutting back on the attacks. At least he doesn't bother me during the night anymore. Or wake me up around 5am with a wet nose in my face.
Maybe I should clarify. I don't mean books need big sex scenes. I meant the climax as in the "BIG BLACK MOMENT." The foreplay is the banter and the closeness of the hero and heroine, but if they don't have THE BIG BLACK MOMENT where I really feel like they've earned or gotten their HEA, then I feel ripped off.
If you don't want or don't feel comfortable writing sex scenes, there are plenty of examples of wonderful books where there is no sex, but the finish is still very satisfying.
I forgot to say, the best book for closing the deal is Bet Me by Crusie. The entire book is one long foreplay session and when he finally closes the deal, it involves tying her to the couch. You don't get any better than that book.
Yep, I got that the big finish didn't need to be a sex scene, but in this one, I think it does. The whole thing (except one) is sexual tension of not being able to connect physically (he's a ghost!) and so what are they going to do when they can? The HEA is amazement that they have a future, but I think it needs everything, including physical. I'll keep playing around with endings though!
A collar with a bell...that's a good idea! The little terrorist.
Ummm, Krispy Kreme donuts...the things I would have done for that man if he actually existed. *LOL*
Yeah, in the case of the ghost, you're probably going to need a sex scene. *LOL*
I know!
Yeah, I didn't mean the big moment had to be sex. But in Bet Me, them having sex was pretty much tantamount to the author closing the deal for the reader. We'd have stormed the castle had it not been so perfect. LOL!
I am glad though that I don't HAVE to write sex scenes all over the place. I think for a while I thought I did. Now I think I pick story lines that they can't, but want to, and that gives me an "out." LOL The sexual tension is better than the actual sex and I feel more comfortable writing the "almost" knowing they can only go so far emotionally but wish for more. They have a valid reason for frustration.
But if it's logical that they would...then they better! I threw a book at the wall a while back because I didn't think the interruptions were all that believable. Like, come on! The problem was, the stop and start didn't escalate the sexual tension. They went back to square one. And I almost wondered if the writer had my "problem" and backed off. Did she just get cold feet?
No, it sounds like she equated sex with emotion, in a way. Some people can get away doing the crazy interruptions because the emotional POV/deep POV of the characters is so believable, you're willing to go the distance and be frustrated with them. But if the sexual tension feels surface, all sex but no connection, then the interruptions are that much more noticable.
At least, that's what I think.
And it is quite possible she got cold feet.
Plus there is that MOONLIGHTing hitch. Basically once you get the characters together--after they've been bantering and hating each other--and suddenly they lose the conflict of why these two shouldn't be together. Sex should cause more conflicts, consequences, and complications...and if it doesn't...your book can unravel fast. The author might have known that as soon as these two had sex, the gig was up--and thus kept it until the end. But you were annoyed because you knew instinctively the conflict wasn't deep enough to sustain a book of this length.
That interrupting thing is a fine line. It's been said before, but if it gets to the point where I'm saying, "Oh, come on!" it's not good.
And THAT they are being interrupted is not as important and HOW you write the stuff before and after the interruption. Unfortunately, it's complicated. *sigh*
I always hear George Strait singing "The Chair" in the background when the subject is pickup lines. The best one I ever hear personally was "Pardon me for staring. I'm a stargazer by avocation, and the brightest ones are in your eyes." Yeah, he was a charmer, but he lacked staying power--in every sense.
Best "close the deal" scene--a tie, one with sex, one without: Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas when Drek finally learns "how happy feels" and the wedding scene in Kathleen Gilles Seidel's Till the Stars Fall when Dodd Hall reunites and sings the first song Quinn wrote for Krissa, ending with him looking at her and thinking "He now knew where starlight came from." Sigh!
The author might have known that as soon as these two had sex, the gig was up–and thus kept it until the end.But you were annoyed because you knew instinctively the conflict wasn’t deep enough to sustain a book of this length.
I hadn't thought of that -- the gig is up and the MOONLIGHTing hitch. As you say, the sex might cause more conflict in consequences and complications. And also unresolved external conflicts. I guess I would have preferred or accepted the gig to be up. Hot and cold gets exhausting to read. LOL
Yes, Terri, it's complicated! And I think it's a lot about what the reader accepts or prefers too. Was it just me? I read the author's bio and read she was a Golden Heart finalist. I still didn't like the story though.
Janga, George Strait can tell me any line he wants to and I'd fall for it. That man knows it's all about the delivery!
I faintly remember the "how happy feels" scene...Lisa blows everyone out of the water, doesn't she? *sighs*
And the starlight line really does make you sigh happily. Sorta like how happy I felt at the end of Harry Potter...very satisfied with how things turned out and why.
Hot and cold gets exhausting to read. LOL
Hot and Cold is hard to do. I don't like it myself. I can get the "cold" if you feel guilty or something and that's clear, but the "I want you" and "I hate you" bullcrap is stupid!!
Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel.
"I want you!"
"I hate you!"
"I adore you!"
"You're stupid!"
"I want a life with you and 6 kids!"
"I don't know what I want because I'm a booby twit!"
Seriously, get some medication and get some balance in your life. Yoga is nice.
You know, I jus' be too sun toasted ta be much sense taday. Sailed on the Talofa across the bay at Cabo, snorkeled, saw manta rays flingin' themsevles out a' the water jus' fer the joy a' it...whale spoutin'... It were a good day.
As fer the topic, best book that delvered lately? Turn Coat by Jim Butcher. Finished it a few days ago and wow...Makes me hungry fer more... The angst, the humor, the humanity in those books... Sin? Kim Harrison is good, but Jim Butcher is magnificent...
Had the most devine chocolate mousse mud pie last night. I can die now. I've tasted heaven...
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