Sunday, November 8, 2009
What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?
.
So this week, I received my much anticipated copy of Anna Campbell's Captive of Sin and happily spent hours immersed in her world and devouring her characters. For those of you who haven't read it yet, you know what to do.
We all hear the classic "show don't tell" advice. Nowhere is this advice more important in a romance novel than in the romance itself. I have thrown many a romance novel against the wall when the author tells me the characters have fallen in love, but hasn't shown me. There's something about watching someone fall in love. Whether it's friends in real life, a book or a movie, there's something tangible in the air when someone falls in love. You feel it.
But for writers, how do we translate that zing tingling through the air into something we can show readers on the page? Anna nailed it in a way I hadn't through of before: understanding.
You can say you love someone until you're blue in the face, but real, true, romance-novel worthy love also means knowing that other person, understanding them, and loving them anyway. It's not an easy thing to do, and when the mistakes add up, it gets harder and harder.
In Captive of Sin, Anna's hero makes a Very Big Mistake. I'm trying to do this without any spoilers, so forgive me if this gets cryptic. For those of you who have already had the pleasure of reading, I'm sure you'll know what scene I'm referring to.
But here's the thing. In the hero's POV, it didn't feel like a Very Big Mistake. I was so deep in his POV, I knew exactly what he was trying to do, and I knew why he was doing it. I knew it was dumb, but my heart just broke for him anyway.
I got it.
And then he returns to the heroine, and being the good guy he is, in spite of this Very Big Mistake, confesses. And I started to get nervous. I expected her to do the girl thing. To cry and whine and make a big fuss. And she would have been totally justified to do so. After all, it was a Very Big Mistake, and certainly worthy of the crying, whiny, big fuss.
But I knew him. I got it. I understood why he had done what he did, and I understood his motives. And I was cringing, witing for the moment when the heroine threw her fit.
You know what she did instead? She smiled. She got it too.
And in that moment, as a reader, I totally, completely believed that she loved him, and they had a shot. She seemed almost worthy of him in a way she hadn't before, and certainly wouldn't have if she had thrown the big fit I'd expected. She understood him as well as I, the reader, understood him. It was magnificent.
There's something about someone "getting" you. Knowing the way you tick and why, and loving you anyway. After all, isn't that the whole point?
So let's hear it wenches. How do you show true love? What do your characters do to show the reader they "get" each other and love each other? Do you emphasize the role understanding plays between your characters? Have any other good examples of how to show love?
So this week, I received my much anticipated copy of Anna Campbell's Captive of Sin and happily spent hours immersed in her world and devouring her characters. For those of you who haven't read it yet, you know what to do.
We all hear the classic "show don't tell" advice. Nowhere is this advice more important in a romance novel than in the romance itself. I have thrown many a romance novel against the wall when the author tells me the characters have fallen in love, but hasn't shown me. There's something about watching someone fall in love. Whether it's friends in real life, a book or a movie, there's something tangible in the air when someone falls in love. You feel it.
But for writers, how do we translate that zing tingling through the air into something we can show readers on the page? Anna nailed it in a way I hadn't through of before: understanding.
You can say you love someone until you're blue in the face, but real, true, romance-novel worthy love also means knowing that other person, understanding them, and loving them anyway. It's not an easy thing to do, and when the mistakes add up, it gets harder and harder.
In Captive of Sin, Anna's hero makes a Very Big Mistake. I'm trying to do this without any spoilers, so forgive me if this gets cryptic. For those of you who have already had the pleasure of reading, I'm sure you'll know what scene I'm referring to.
But here's the thing. In the hero's POV, it didn't feel like a Very Big Mistake. I was so deep in his POV, I knew exactly what he was trying to do, and I knew why he was doing it. I knew it was dumb, but my heart just broke for him anyway.
I got it.
And then he returns to the heroine, and being the good guy he is, in spite of this Very Big Mistake, confesses. And I started to get nervous. I expected her to do the girl thing. To cry and whine and make a big fuss. And she would have been totally justified to do so. After all, it was a Very Big Mistake, and certainly worthy of the crying, whiny, big fuss.
But I knew him. I got it. I understood why he had done what he did, and I understood his motives. And I was cringing, witing for the moment when the heroine threw her fit.
You know what she did instead? She smiled. She got it too.
And in that moment, as a reader, I totally, completely believed that she loved him, and they had a shot. She seemed almost worthy of him in a way she hadn't before, and certainly wouldn't have if she had thrown the big fit I'd expected. She understood him as well as I, the reader, understood him. It was magnificent.
There's something about someone "getting" you. Knowing the way you tick and why, and loving you anyway. After all, isn't that the whole point?
So let's hear it wenches. How do you show true love? What do your characters do to show the reader they "get" each other and love each other? Do you emphasize the role understanding plays between your characters? Have any other good examples of how to show love?
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126 comments:
Well, I show true love by not smackin' me DH when he tells a really stupid joke. I b'lieve he shows it by knowin' I want ta smack 'em and understandin' the urge!
I think one a' the best examples a this sort a' knowin' is shown with Bones and Seeley. He gets her so well, he knows she ain't bein' purposefully insultin' when she calls 'im stupid. And even though she thinks he ain't book brilliant, she knows when it comes ta instincts, 'is tops 'em all.
In me latest WIP, Duran knows Ivy's pain better than she knows it. She feels it, 'e knows it. 'e gets it. When her foe is finally dead and she can't stop cryin', because now what does she do? - 'e gets it. How does Ivy finally know she loves 'im?
I be workin' on it! ;)
Hellion, this post is exactly what I needed today. I'm going to go back and make sure I show the difference between the lust my characters have always felt for each other and show their emotions deepening by adding some scenes. Thank you.
Chance - I just smack him and figure that gets the point across :) (just kidding!)
I totally agree about Bones and Booth. He clearly "gets" her, almost more than she understands herself. And even though she's not ready for a relationship yet, you can totally see that she relies on him being there and understanding him.
Duran and Ivy sound awesome!
Maggie - I have to stop posting under Hellie's name! I'm glad it helped. Good luck!
Hal - this is a wonderful post. I think like Maggie, I have no problem getting lust across, but growing a love through a novel is a little harder.
I really like it when, as a reader, I get that they love the other one before they even do. And then when they do realize they love their counterpart, I think to myself, of course you do.... Then I just enjoy their epiphany and revel in their moment of wonder. :)
Ahh... Cheesy, but I love that....
When her foe is finally dead and she can’t stop cryin’, because now what does she do? - ‘e gets it.
How does Ivy finally know she loves ‘im?
Chance, that's brilliant! Sounds like him getting it would be all you needed for Ivy to know she loved him. :)
This is exactly what I love about a good romance. Great topic, Hal. I hate when they aren't in love, then they are, and I'm left wondering, "When did that happen?!" I want to see it and feel it and that's what makes me believe it.
To get each other is a very good example, but I also think sacrifice can do it. When one is willing to sacrifice something for the other, it becomes clear. The whole, "You'd do that for me?" moment. Which can be followed by the ever wonderful, "Of course I would you idiot, I love you."
That description is so freaking awesome...okay, now I really have to move this book to the top of my TBR list. *sighs*
There is something about someone who GETS YOU.
Great blog post, Hal!
You're right, no one wants to be "told" the characters are in love - - especially if they are such complete opposites that you can't believe they have a chance.
And it's funny how awkward just saying "I love you" can sound. It does take a lot of showing before those words can be said with any meaning behind them. Maybe not until the end of the book. But Terri's example works. "Of course I would you, idiot, I love you." LOL Yeah, that's about as natural as most any of us can do.
Great blog Hal. I wish I had time to read right now. I'm so fiening for a good book and Anna always delivers.
The whole, “You’d do that for me?” moment. Which can be followed by the ever wonderful, “Of course I would you idiot, I love you.” Couldn't have said it better myself, Ter.
Marn - I love that too. When the characters are still being pig-headed, but we know they're desperately in love. This is why I love romance. Cheesy, sure, but when it's done right, you can just revel in that love. Ahhhhh....
Ter - sacrifice! Yes! Another excellent way of showing love. What you're willing to do for another person shows so much about how you feel about them.
I adore the "you idiot" in the middle of that. So perfect *g*
I did think the "you idiot" had to be in there. LOL! It's the "Duh!" with love.
I do love when they are in love and don't know it, but that can be a fine line. If the author drags it too far, makes the character just a little too thick, it ticks me off. If I have to yell, "Come on already!" while reading, it's not good. LOL! Gotta walk that line.
I'm a firm believer in knowing it's right when one realizes he/she can't imagine living without the other. Which is partially why I'll stay single for the duration, that sounds like a challenge to me and my reaction is, "Of course I can, I'll prove it."
Hence, singledom. LOL!
Melissa - "I love you" is a terribly awkward thing to say, isn't it? LOL! And you're right - there's not much meaning behind it if you haven't shown it yet.
When I was writing fanfiction, I wrote this one story where the hero really did love the heroine, but hadn't shown it at all. And he blurts out "I love you" in a last-ditch effort to make her stick around, and of course, she didn't buy it. So then he had to set out to prove it. It was fun *g*
Hellie and Sin - this book is definitely worth the time. I hope you get to it soon. Every girl needs a nice long break with a hot romance novel *g*
Yes, there is a line. Because at some point, they all have to just get their heads out of their asses and do something about that love *g*.
I think part of that is the conflict - if whatever is holding them apart is strong enough, then it's not their thickheadness anymore. You know they love each other, even if they haven't admitted it, but it'll take more to fix everything than just blurting it out.
Though of course, blurting out "I love you, you idiot" is always worthwhile :)
But it was the same thing, "Of course I love you, you idiot."
I can't even comment on how I said the "L" word the first time. It just kinda slipped out and I didn't realize what I'd said until I heard this voice behind me say, "Did you just say what I think you said?"
And to myself I thought, "Oh fck."
I don't say it to anyone except my kiddo, but my mom tries to get me to say it. LOL! I have my reasons! And of course I love my mom, I just don't say it. Cause I don't. Yes, angstly, Pollyanna Bo'sun does not say those words.
But with kiddo, it's like fifty times a day because she says it all the time. I'm enjoying it until we get to sixteen and it changes to the opposite. LOL!
LOL Sin. I don't remember the first time I said it, but I do know it was like two months after the hubs said it to me *g* It took me a while to work up the courage!
I don't say it to anyone but the hubs. Every now and then, if my mother in law catches me in the right mood, "I love you too" will pop out when she says I love you. But even that's taken 6 years *g* I won't say it to my own parents, but mostly because they're....well, I have my reasons to! LOL!
I've read too many books where the actual fallin' in love happened offscreen, least that be the best way I can figure it. And even though I knew it be a romance and there were gonna be fallin' in love stuff... I felt cheated and didn't really believe it.
I think that be the stickin' point. They tol' ya, ya read it, but...ya still don't b'lieve it.
Great blog, Hal...or whatever ya be callin' yerself! ;)
Hal - BTW. Don't think me MIL has ever heard me say it. She won't. I don't. She don't. One a' those things...she says she do, but she ain't shown it. So, I don't b'lieve it.
I totally agree Chance. But then again, I'm from the "show me" state *g* (like many others on this blog!) I have to see it to believe it. And if the falling in love happens where I can't see it, I won't believe it. I think in romantic suspense and paranormal romance, where there are so many other things going on, it gets even harder to work it all in.
Yeah - that's why I won't say it to my mother. She says "I love you" and my automatic response is to burst out laughing. Because as true as it may be, I don't believe her for a split second. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, shows it in a myriad of ways, which is why "I love you too" just kinda pops out *g*
I think we killed the board.
Anna was going to try to stop by - I'm interested to see her take on this (esp since it's her book! LOL!)
You didn't kill it. LOL
My SIL always says ILY. The "love" word makes me uncomfortable. While I truly will do anything for anyone I "love" I'm not comfortable with saying it. If you say the damned word constantly then what does it mean? People say it just to say it. That annoys me.
And Hal, the DH said the "l" word six months before me. I just couldn't say it. I didn't want to say it to just say it and even though I suspected I was in love with him, we were already in an arrangement that you don't necessarily say that word in.
You're right. It takes a lot of courage to say the "l" word when you mean it.
(you know I'm kidding. No need to break out in hives or spray down the monitor with lysol)
Six months! And see, people look at me like I'm crazy when I say two months. At least someone else gets it.
Ahh, Sin gets me. She loves me :) Even if she'll never say it.
And the DH still gives me shit about the six month wait.
*laughing* You know me way too well.
I promise not to stiff arm you. I'll pet your head like I do my best friend and tell you that I heart you. That's as close as you're getting, babe. Don't push it.
For some reason, it's so tempting to start a story out with "she'd loved him forever." End of story. LOL I've been working on putting in some showing that the heroine loves the hero into my beginning. Pre-ghost phase when I only have the one chapter to show her POV. So I do need a few of those "getting him" moments and I think showing she's willing to share his interests. But her motives still are a bit selfish and that sneaks in...
Sorry, but I'll "show" in a second post... LOL
ahh. A pat on the head and an "I heart you". You're so gooey :)
For a long while they stared at that chain link fence barring what amounted to the end of a quest. A sign that said “Keep Out” ended their adventure in an anticlimactic fizzle. Neither of them said a word. Her shoulders slumped in disappointment far out of proportion to how much she’d wanted to find the bridge. His excitement had fueled her excitement. And now his disappointment was hers. She shifted in her seat, turning toward him to offer some platitude. Other bridges, other adventures.
Ben’s fingers drummed idly on the steering wheel. A suspicion took root he wasn’t as disappointed as she’d thought. Maybe his thoughts had already moved on. What did she really know about what an adventurer thought anyway? How disappointed was he to lose one bridge?
Other bridges? She actually thought to say that to Ben?
The thing was, this was their bridge.
“We could go around it,” slipped past her cautious lips.
Ben turned his head and stared. His look said he thought an alien had possessed his wife. Seconds ticked by. Time enough for her to squirm. Then his devilish grin flashed like the sun coming out. She had one second to bask in the pleasure warming her all the way to her toes before he put the Jeep in four-wheel-drive.
That sounds like an adventure I'd be down for. LOL
I think the difficulty in saying "I love you" to a partner is that the words, if they are true, give that partner so much power. The trust has to be there first, and trust is always scary.
With family, we tend to repeat the patterns we were reared with. I grew up in an immediate family and extended families that were big on hugs and kisses and "I love yous." I consider that store of affection a blessing, and I feel comfortable showing my affection. The grands always come in with hugs and "I love yous" and leave with them. Even the one-year-old comes in the door with arms outstretched for a cuddle.
The last words my mother ever said to me were "I love you." I treasure that memory, but then I had a lifetime of proof that her statement was true.
Melissa - that's awesome! I love it. Totally shows how well she gets him. It's hard when you're starting with people already in love and in a relationship. I think this is great to get that "showing" in
I forgot to say that I'm loving Captive of Sin. I think part of Anna Campbell's genius is that the emotions of her characters always ring true. I always believe wholeheartedly in her characters.
Janga - it does take a lot of trust! You're handing them a huge amount of power over you when you say those words. Here's my heart, free for you stomp on and grind to a bloody little pulp. Kick away.
Yikes. Not that I'm cynical about love or anything :)
The last words my mother ever said to me were “I love you.” I treasure that memory, but then I had a lifetime of proof that her statement was true.
That's absolutely beautiful. And so true that when you have that lifetime of proof, the words take on so much more meaning. Good for your family for proving their affections!
I know. I'm just all filled up with rainbows, puppies and kittens kinda love. Doesn't it just make you sick?
I think Janga has it. Trust is a big part of the love. While I can trust someone enough, trusting them that much with the "L" word is tough. It's one of those things that's worth it, but in my practical mind it has to be worth taking the risk. And even if you trust someone and are willing to take that risk, I tend to think about the other person and if I should be risking them.
Love the excerpt, Melissa. I can see that "devilish grin."
Janga - isn't the level of emotion awesome? Some day, when I grow up, I totally want to write that deep. In the meantime, I'll just keep reading Anna's books :) It's a hardship, but somebody's got to make the sacrifice. LOL!
Which tends to translate into my writing with my lead characters.
And Janga, that is absolutely beautiful and what a wonderful memory.
Thanks, all. :) You know, "devilish grin" is going to be one of those things I'm going to have to go back and cut the multiple usages. That's his "look" way too many times. LOL And I know darn well he was planning on going around the fence anyway. You'd think she'd have known that too, but maybe not then. I'm jumping around so much that it's hard to remember how they feel in the here and now.
Janga, I could listen to you forever. :)
Janga, ya be a true poet.
Me Mum is slow ta say I love you, but it's OK. Because she do show it a million different ways. Me Dad were easier wit' the sentiment.
Now, me Mum comes from a family that tosses around the word like it were a page a' green stamps. And they be savin' up ta demand somethin' from ya. Made Mum cautious...
Green stamps. Lord luv a duck, I know I jus' lost most a' ya!
Now, me dog. She shows me she loves me every blessed time I see her, touch her, talk ta her. But she never says it! LOL!
But I knows it.
Me cat? Not so much. But she shows me DH that he be the ground she worships. And that's 'nuff fer me.
I'm the dog goddess. He be the cat god. There be balance.
Melissa, must be other ways ta get the devilish grin across! Sounds like a great book ya gots there!
I got the green stamp reference!
But I'm 28 years old :) I've heard other people use it, and I love throwing it out to see people cock their head and think "how old is that girl?"
I remember those green stamps!
My kid, like Terri's kiddo, does say I love you constantly. It is very sweet. :) Then he gets carried away. Last night he said, "I love you with all my burps."
My hubs is the dog god in our house. She loves both of us, but it's clear who she loves more *g* It's adorable the way she worships him.
I'm not big on the L word. I'm not big on hugs, why would I be big on the L word? My natural instinct when being told "I love you" is to say, "Yeah, you say that now...."
After mom died (and I'd say I love you to my mother), I trained my father to say I love you--who doesn't believe in saying it either. Nor does he believe in saying, "I'm proud of you." or "You did great!" or anything nice. He'll grunt if you did something good. Maybe follow it with a "About time" or something." (So we see: I get this from Dad.) Anyway, it took me MONTHS to train Dad to say it and now sometimes he'll say it ahead of me. And he'll be smug about it too. *snorts*
I don't tell my siblings I love them really. Not often. I will tell friends I love them more often.
And telling boys I love them. *shivers* No. I hate doing that. Can't we just have sex? Wouldn't that be the same thing?
Can't we just have sex? Wouldn't that be the same thing?
You sure ya ain't a guy?
*tilts head...
Janga - That's a lovely description of your family. My grandmother said it all the time, but my parents don't even say it to each other. Now, when I leave (since I'm the only one who really lives far away) we do hug. Hugs I can do, on a moderate basis. My kiddo is way more affectionate than I am. Gets that from her dad.
Melissa - That is an awesome excerpt right there. I wouldn't change a thing. I like how his feelings are her feelings because she loves him that much. And then the "she gets him" is loud and clear. Plus, she's willing to sacrifice getting in trouble for him. You've got it all!
Ya know...I jus' had a thought... Ought to write a scene where the H or H can't say the word. Like a dog, they gots ta show it. Pure body language... That would seem like a useful exercise!
Wow, guys! Just when I thought it was safe to come back to the Revenge, you go and make me cry. Janga, that's an absolutely beautiful memory. Something similar happened when my dad passed away. A few weeks before he told me he loved me - he never had before even though I knew he did. As a lot of you have said, the words don't mean much when the actions don't back it up and if the actions back it up, the words are nice but not necessary. Still the words are something I treasure, for all that.
Ahh, thanks so much Terri..er, Bo'Sun. Btw, on the name thing I went and modified my profile on my blog and google to just be plain 'ol Melissa Johnson. On the blog it just says "also writing as..." I'm done worrying about the name thing.
And how is the NaNo writing going everyone?
Chance, I think in my love scenes, limited as they are, they don't say much anyway. LOL It might put a different spin on it if they can't though!
Hal (and now I'm channelling my Shakespeare days at uni!), what a gorgeous blog! Thank you so much. The weird thing is I don't really plan my books in detail in advance but that particular scene of the BIG MISTAKE (and it is a big mistake but he's in such a confused place, it makes perfect sense to him and he thinks he's doing it for completely the right reasons) was in my head right from the start. And then when I wrote it, it fell absolutely flat. I had to rewrite and rewrite until it did what I wanted - I often find that when I plan big scenes ahead of time, it's like I've squeezed all the juice from them in the thinking time and there's nothing left for the writing. But I was really pleased with how it finally emerged. I wanted the reader to feel like slapping him or hugging him or both! A bit like Charis does! ;-)
Thanks fer climbin' aboard, Anna. Want a Frozen Nipple?
Aye, I think the words get bandied about so much, they lose their authenticity wit' most people. So, when ya hear from someone that ya knows spends those words wisely, it has more value.
But it gots ta be backed by actions. Small or large, they add up.
I knew me DH got me when he gave me the perfect Valentines Gift 'bout 15 years ago... A big mug wit' some silly bits 'a love spell stuff on it. It were perfect and I still 'ave it.
Meant 'e paid attention and made me feel known...more than all the jewelry in the world.
hellie - kudos on training your dad. My dad says it when he gets elbowed. then it comes out very reluctantly. it's funny.
Can’t we just have sex? Wouldn’t that be the same thing? My husband actually said that once during a fight. he said, "I still have sex with you. that's the same as saying I love you and I think you're beautiful." Uh, no. Nice try babe.
Anna! I'm so glad you made it by! I think we all have scenes that pop into our heads early on, and I'm always so intrgiuged to find out which ones they were for the author.
How interesting that it didn't work the first time! I for one am happy you kept re-writing it, because in the end, it was just awesome. Nothing flat about it. And I did, in fact, want to give him a big hug. After slapping him :)
And telling boys I love them. *shivers* No. I hate doing that. Can’t we just have sex? Wouldn’t that be the same thing?
ITA with this. Can't we just have sex and you can pretend I said the "L" word?
Ahh, Chance that's super sweet of your husband. I love little gifts like that. There was one day, I had a really, really bad day in a meeting or something. And when I got back to my office, there was a single Krispy Kreme sitting on my desk. Now that's a man who knows the way to my heart ;)
YES! It's those stupid little sweet things that add up more than all the diamonds!
Hal, ya got one a' the good ones. You and me both!
Sin - I be fer sex fer the sake a sex. But that be me! Let's leave love outta it...
Is that strange fer a woman who likes ta think she gots some romance in 'er soul?
;)
My husband actually said that once during a fight. he said, “I still have sex with you. that’s the same as saying I love you and I think you’re beautiful.”
From the excerpt of this fight you posted, he was not going to win that one. Especially when he said, "I STILL have sex with you." What's that supposed to mean? If I suddenly morph into some cow, you won't have sex with me OR love me anymore? I mean, that's where that fight is going--just by using the word STILL. Fool.
Those modifers are hell, ain't they?
And they so don't get why we hear that word the loudest in the fight!
Hal, for some reason all I can picture is your DH realizing what he'd said and saying, "Krispy Kreme?" LOL Would he think to remind you of the good stuff he'd done?
I give a lot of credit that there's something going on behind silly actions. Then again, I'm clueless. I just write the guy like I wish he was!
Oh, there is usually a hidden agenda. It's just hidden from them most 'a the time!
A donut would work as a forgive me bribe fer me!
Sex would work as a forgive me bribe, but admittedly it's been a while.
If I suddenly morph into some cow, you won’t have sex with me OR love me anymore? I mean, that’s where that fight is going–just by using the word STILL. Fool.
That IS where he was going! He was trying to say that clearly he still thinks I'm beautiful because he's having sex with me. He ACTUALLY SAID, "If I didn't think you were beautiful, I'd probably stop having sex with you."
THEN, and somehow only then, did he realize just how badly he'd screwed up. LOL! Then was all trying to back pedal about how of course he would still love me, but you also need physical attraction, and it's just the way men are made, and if you can't get it up you can't....and it all went downhill from there. Poor guy. It was just funny by the end, as he was trying so frantically hard to dig himslf out of this hole, and failing miserably.
Then was all trying to back pedal about how of course he would still love me, but you also need physical attraction, and it’s just the way men are made, and if you can’t get it up you can’t….and it all went downhill from there.
*shaking head* A DEAD MAN. He would be a DEAD MAN. You better go home and tell him we said he was still incredibly lucky to be married to you after that fight. Lord almighty.
I'm amazed he managed to land Hal at all after hearing this. Stupid men. Stupid, stupid men.
Reveling in my singledom. *whistles gratefully*
This reminds me of a convo with a friend. Said her DH rarely got really mad at the boys but would get furious if they really made her mad. Felt good that he cared that much. Then I explained he got mad if they got her mad because if they got her mad, he was at some point going to pay for it and deal with her bad mood all night.
Then I felt bad for taking away her dilusions.
Hellie - he knows. He definitely knows how lucky he is :)
now see, we went from him being one of the good ones to such as stupid, stupid man. That's the way they all go, I think. Even the good ones have their heads up their asses now and then.
Ter - way to go, taking away her delusions. But you're right - that's totally why he was mad. He didn't want to have to deal with her :)
Well, 'e can be one a' the goods ones, but still have periods a' deep stupidity. It's just the way men are made!
LOL!
Oh. Because I'd already pushed "submit." Doh.
I tried to reply to Hellie, that he does know just how lucky he is, but WordPress told me I couldn't use that comment because I'd already said that. Hmmm....
anyway, if he didn't know after that fight, a few months of marriage counseling sure fixed that :) We're all good now.
Don't ya love it when they try ta be logical and scientific? just the way men are made !
What? Stupid?
I agree. They all make mistakes. I just prefer the ones who make smaller ones like, forgetting to take out the trash for the billionth time rather than suggesting I might get so ugly he wouldn't love me anymore...I mean, what am I supposed to do? Have a plastic surgeon on call?
I mean, I get the whole "visual is part of the attraction" gig. I do. But then I'd be tempted to say, "Hey, buddy, that runs both ways. Talk to me when your hair falls out and you get a little pot belly..."
“Hey, buddy, that runs both ways. Talk to me when your hair falls out and you get a little pot belly…”
that's exactly what I said. That stopped the fight in it's tracks. Especially as his dad is losing his hair and has a gut hanging over his pants :)
This is one thing I can say about my parents, after 42 years of marriage, they have never made a big deal about the looks thing. My mom is a big woman. But in my entire life, my dad never stopped flirting with her. And he fancies himself a gigolo. Which is hysterical.
Ter - that's the most adorable thing ever. I love it. My FIL is constantly slapping my MIL's ass and calling her beautiful. It's adorable.
In Rob's defense, he was trying to make a distinction between loving me and being sexually attracted to me. And this was a long time ago. He was like 25 when he said this. All 25 year old boys say idiotic things. he's in his 30's now and knows better *g* (and probably no longer thinks that either, but who knows)
*LOL* Yeah, those should be the magic words that stop that fight in its tracks. Rock on!
Aww, Bo'sun, he's a gigolo...don't worry. *LOL*
He was like 25 when he said this. All 25 year old boys say idiotic things.
I'd believe this. I think my friend (who's been married FOREVER) had some sort of convo along this line (WHY?) and it was "I'd still love you, but I prefer if you were thin and beautiful." I was like, "I don't care how great he is. He's a dead man." *LOL* But they're still married...and I think it's a lot like you guys. *LOL* He wouldn't think it now.
There was a comedian who said 20-somethings shouldn't be allowed to speak because they had nothing interesting or relevant to say. They should just be silent and drink quietly. *LOL* And let the adults talk. So true.
If we all had movie cameras followin' us around, I bet the montage a' stupid things we all say would fill a reel.
It's jus' fer the stronger sex, most a' those comments have ta do wit' sex!
Me family never lets me bro forget his line, "You can't trust anyone over thirty."
He's going to be 60 next month. And will NEVER LIVE THAT LINE DOWN!!!
No worries, Chance, your brother is the first to probably say he can't be trusted!
Well, he did say it when in his stupid twenties...
But, we, bein' the lovin' family that we are, still taunt 'im wit' it...
I love the running jokes in families. Not so much a joke, but I always tell my now 37 year old brother, "hey, Andy, say turtle." And he says, "churtle." Still can't say the t's. Or maybe he can, but he's tramatized by childhood teasing. LOL Works every time. And then I remind him how we use to dress him up as a girl.
They almost become ice breakers. I rarely see my brother so sometimes the only thing to do is remind him. Wait a minute. Maybe there's a reason why I don't see him so much and he moved halfway across the country?
Maybe there’s a reason why I don’t see him so much and he moved halfway across the country?
Just cottoning on, are you? *LOL*
The great thing is... He be ten years older than me. So never paid attention ta the stupid things I said... So there be no payback comment!
Me DH likes ta remind me how 'e pulled me leg big time regardin' a Filipino folk dance...where 'e had me convinced they could jump high 'nuff ta slap their feet wit' their hands... I be gullible. And 'e likes ta remind me a' that now and then.
So proud 'e be a' how 'e led me on!
Well, wit' which brain? ;)
Rolling around the deck laughing at all these stories! WHAT ARE THOSE GUYS THINKING????!!!!!
My ex amazed me when he once started complaining about how I was dressing. I was a new mom living in a trailer on a farm in AR in a county that to this day does not have a traffic light. He regularly wore camo shirts with a camo baseball cap with a fish hook slid onto the brim (a la Larry the Cable Guy). And he's complaining that I'm wearing knit pants?
REALLY?!
There be nothin' so blind as man bein' led by his penis. The penis ego be so large, it never acknowledges the reality a' a reflectin' mirror.
I look good! Got my penis, that is all I need!
Okay, I just snorted water up my nose.
Pass the shamwow.
Terri, all you can do now is pity the poor guy.
Every time my ex told me something stupid it was always presented as someone else's opinion that he was just passing along. For my own good or something. So and so said I should get a job or lose weight or something. The worst thing was that somehow he seemed to expect some kind of comfort from ME that he'd had a bad day to be subjected to these opinions.
Spineless! I'm okay with putting the blame on him now. And I'll wear knit pants whenever I want. I hope you do too. :)
I admit, I left the knit pants behind years ago. LOL! But that was not the point. He's actually moved on to potential wife #4. I was #1. I've told his mother that if he keeps this up, there will be enough Mrs. Osburn's to have our own basketball team.
Okay, call them leggings or capris that happen to be made of some stretchy material then. LOL
Whoa. A basketball team of Mrs. Osburn's. I guess you'd have plenty to talk about!
Fortunately, since he didn't reproduce with any of the others, once he shakes them, they get traded. So I never see or talk to them. :)
The funny thing is, when you know you're maybe number four, don't you start to ask yourself if this is a good idea? I mean, could ALL THREE WOMEN before you really have been the problem? LOL!
I mean, could ALL THREE WOMEN before you really have been the problem? LOL!
Hey, hey, hey!
Present company excluded, of course.
Wait, was Hellie a Mrs. Osburn back there somewhere?
This ship be a hotbed a' soap opera plots, I tell ya!
Bo'sun, sorry 'bout the need fer a shamwow... But honestly, ain't it that way wit' too many men? Like that be the only physical characteristic that matters...fer them. Fer the ladies? Whole book full a' qualifications. Two, three volumes a' things.
Melissa - Yer poor ex! Havin' ta put up wit' other men talkin' 'bout his wife... Idiot. He shoulda been smackin' them around, not lookin' fer sympathy from ya!
And how did we end up here? What be today's topic again? Anyone remember?
Wait, sorta a show not tell, right?
Chancey - I thought that earlier, that we'd hijacked the topic and taken it really far afield. LOL!
No, Hellie was never a Mrs. Osburn. LOL! She just has this thing for a guy who has a couple relationships under his belt. But I've heard the stories and I'm with her, I'm positive the women were the problem.
:)
*jumps in life boat and paddles away*
Quick! Run!
Or paddle!
Well, Hal, ya had a great blog day! Even if it were hijacked.
This has been a great conversation! If anything, we learned what guys should never, ever do if attempting to show true love :)
Yeah, don't lead wit' your penis.
:)
Well, in some cases, that would depend on the penis.
Just sayin'...
Permission to come aboard! Oh, hell, I'm already here. (grabs for the rum)
Chiming in late to say how much I agree with your assessment, Haleigh.
There were so many chances in this book for the Big Misunderstanding to rear it's really ridiculous head and that never happened. At every point where I thought, "Oh, no, here we go," I was so pleasantly surprised. What a less skilled writer would have done — having the heroine throw hissy fits or having the hero say, "Why didn't you tell me that? Grrr! I hate thee!" — Anna never does.
The characters are very engaging because you are completely submerged in their POVs.
Now here's my two cents: I'm always looking for a deeper emotional read. I need that emotional intensity, that grit, that taste of reality. And this book has that, so I was completely satisfied.
Can I keep the rum?
I just read through all the posts and am both moved — the stories about your fathers — and laughing at what seems to be the congenital stupidity of men.
Sin, I miss you!!!!!!!(<---------subtle hint to get in touch when you can)
Anna, you should feel proud of that time spent rewriting. Sometimes those big scenes just take that much effort because the emotional subtly isn't there the first 10 times. Brava!
Pam - It do teach a buddin' author the importance a' jus' keep writin' 'till you get it right!
PC!!
*droll look at Bo'sun* He would definitely be the first to say, I am the problem.
I love when our awesome guest authors come back and visit us. Pam! How are you doing? When are you going to visit with us again and catch us up with what you're doing?
Hey, Hellie — I'm doing well, thanks! I often think I should pop in because I have so much fun here, but life has been nuts. I finished a novel, then ghostwrote someone else's novel (not a romance) and that was 2009. Poof! A year gone. I just happen to be taking a few days off now and heard that Anna's book would be the topic of today's blog. So I had to stop in.
I'd love to come back any time.
That's right, 2nd Chance. Writin' be the hardest work there is! You cannae cross the sea wi'out sailin' o'er the waves, aye?
Meaning there are no shortcuts to good prose. If you get it right the first time, that's great. But I find that writing is W-O-R-K. And writing well? I struggle to do that every time I sit down at this computer.
I recently spoke with an author who is ready to give up on a book because she hasn't gotten it right yet. I told her not to do that because giving up means that all the work she's done so far means nothing.
Writing fiction is an act of WILL.
Geez, I wish I really did have rum!
A nice strong Pamela's Rant...dark rum, blood oranges...
True words be true words. I be one chapter way from finishin' me current WIP. And I know the next stage be fixin' a whole lot a' holes!
Or we could call it Writer's Will...
That would be one hell of a powerful drink. Writer's Will. Pour me another!
Think about it. Writers are know to drink. Will is the mettle that turns determination into action. So it would be a drink for drinkers that contains all the power that fuses insane imaginings into prose.
WOW!
Not to dis the rum or anything, but we need to create this drink. It will put hair on men's chests and overthrow the virtue of virgins. Sounds purrfect!
Overthrow the virtue of virgins? Wow! Well, I be headin' ta Mexico next month and can look fer some powerful tequila... ;)
I be inspired already!
A nice Latin blooded drink, set ta a tango tempo...
PC! I'm sorry I missed you yesterday. And I'm super glad you found the rum :)
Great blog post, Hal! And I love the chicken comic. :-)
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