No Nerves is Making Me Nervous
I leave for the RWA National Conference in less than 24 hours. I’m taking the train for the first time, which requires me to pack all my clothing and shoes in two small carry-ons. No small fete but happy to report everything fits. So far. I’ll be meeting new authors and editors and agents, and connecting with some new and until-now-only-virtual friends. Common sense suggests I should be nervous. But I’m not.
This has me worried.
You see, if I’m content and confident, I could be setting myself up for something terrible. Possibly a plethora of terrible. For one, I think I’m all packed and have everything I’m going to need for the week. This means there’s an excellent chance I will get there and realize I forgot something incredibly crucial, like my brain. Or, heaven forbid, the rum.
If I’m content and confident, I’m probably going to say something extremely inappropriate in front of the worst possible person to hear it. My foot will become so firmly lodged in my mouth that it will take Chance and Santa together to pry it back out. And that’s only if they are around to save me. If they aren’t, there could be a blog later this week in memory of the idiot writer who choked on her own shoe.
There is one part of this week that has me very nervous. And the irony, it’s the part where I speak in front of an audience. I know, crazy right? This is my area. This is my comfort zone. But this is in front of Eloisa James and her editor (who just happens to be a top editor at Avon…someone shoot me now). See, I hear your collective gasp.
I’m the moderator for this workshop and that means doing the introductions and making sure it starts and ends on time. This could mean interrupting them or interrupting someone else. I don’t want to be *that* person. The one some newbie writer remembers as the rude woman from the conference then three years from now sees my book on a shelf, remembers my name, and tells everyone she knows not to buy my book because I’m *that* person.
It could happen.
So, in order to make myself nervous (which will in turn make me feel better) I’m asking for your suggestions of the worst possible thing that could happen to me this week. Don’t hold back, give me the most embarrassing, most damaging thing you can think of. Then tell me it’ll all be alright. Please?
Books by the Crew
71 comments:
Meeting an author that absolutely everybody loves, admires and finds fascinating...and, in front of said author, you blurt out you've never read them...in fact, you ask if she's published.
Oh, nevermind, that is what I'm going to do. ;)
Best advice as a moderator, control the big mouthed audience member who attempts the dominate the panel. Then everyone will love you, remember you and praise you to the heights of heaven.
Worst thing you can do is forget your wallet. No money, No tickets, No hotel paid for, No.... If you have your wallet you can buy anything that you forget, except perhaps love. And maybe in America you can even buy that!
For the moderating thing you should use a very loud alarm clock. At the end of a scheduled period the alarm goes off and everyone knows that time is up.It also ensures that no-one goes to sleep while you're on. *grin*
Terri, I have no worries at all.
You will be a knock out. :D
As a Mantra to be repeated on the train I suggest: "Who makes it happen? I will be a stunning sensation".
Hope you have a great time! 8)
You'll be fine. I'm nervous just thinking about it and I'm not even going. Two of my girls have offered to go to Nashville with me next year to get me where I need to go. I feel like I'm one of those old people with demetia with my name and address pinned to my sweater.
Hmm. The worst thing? The underwire in your only bra will break, poke you thru the duct tape you use to repair it, and cause you to slump over in embarrassment.(As you can tell, this has happened to me on vaca)
(So make sure you pack an extra bra. Have a fabulous time, you moderator, you!)
I end up spilling stuff on myself. That's the kind of stuff I do.
Maybe you'd get sick in the middle of moderating. That'd be kinda horrible. Take some Imodium and Pepto, that should keep that at bay.
But you're going to be fine hun, and you're going to have a complete blast! I can't wait to hear all the stories and see all the pictures. Take you camera. Those of us not going are gonna wanna know the gory details!
Have fun!
Chance - I'll do my best to point authors out, but I'm afraid I don't know them all either. And there is always that one person who tries to take over. I have no qualms about interrupting *that* person. LOL!
Q - I'm liking this mantra. And for me it's not forgetting my debit card (which is never in my wallet). If I have that card, I can take care of anything else. It's magical like that. :)
Maggie - I used to live in Nashville and work in that hotel so I've got your back. You can tell your daughters you'll have about a dozen other *daughters* there to take care of you. :)
Marn - I was doing okay until you brought that up. My body's reaction to severe nerves is a terribly upset stomach. Now I am getting nervous and already a little nauseous. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. LOL!
I have the camera, a new pack of 8 batteries, and 2 memory cards. I'm ready!
Welllll, you could always have some incriminating photo of you taken (i.e. dancing on the hotel bar, stroking a penis-shaped pillow) and posted in the RWA highlights...so then that 3 years later, a buyer, who happened to see the RWA hightlights, spots you at your signing and says in front of the group of potential buyers: "You're the author that was stroking that penis in the picture, aren't you?"
Hmmm...worst thing that could happen? Introducing yourself to someone and then finding out that are a "holy crap" HUGE author!
Or, that you say something about not liking an author's latest release and turn to find them standing behind you! (so no negative talk - you have no idea how many pairs of ears are around)!
BUT - you wouldn't do either of those things so you are all set!
As for the moderating - love the advice for keeping the know it all audience member in check -I love a moderator who does this well.
Jeez, to only have no nerves when it comes to speaking in front of people.
I'm with Marn. I always spill on myself. And it always happens that I spill on light colored clothes and don't notice because I have this shelf that catches everything.
Have a great time!
Hellie - Then at least I would be infamous. LOL! (Must remember not to stroke any penises during conference....)
Sabrina - That is the BIGGEST rule you learn upon doing this conference thing. NEVER say anything negative as you don't know who is around to hear. The Thumper rule is in full effect - IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
Sin - I have that shelf but I keep an opening in the middle so usually everything I drop goes down in there. LOL! Seriously, I never know what I'm going to find in my bra at the end of the day.
LOL, I sometimes have that issue myself. Nothing like finding a melted M&M between the girls after a long day.
Awh, Ter. I'm sorry. Me too, that's how my body rebels too. You won't know I'm a big mess no the outside, but my stomach completely wrecks me up. :(
You're going to be fine, honey. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, it's shame about that M&M song...sure it doesn't melt in your hands, but it doesn't say anything about melting between your boobs.
Hellion - I came *this* close to typing that same thing. LOL!
Marn - It's okay, I asked for it after all. The good thing is, the workshop is the first one of the entire shindig, which means I get it out of the way and don't have to stress about it for long. The other good thing is that it's at 2 in the afternoon so it's very unlikely I'll sleep in and miss it. LOL!
oh god, my stomach always rebels when I'm nervous. I can't believe you're not yet!
A couple months back, I had to do something similar, though not with nearly as cool people as EJ and her editor. Our little small town was having a mess of a mayoral debate, and so somebody at the university said we should host a "Civility Day" (which was a huge joke since one candidate had already outed the other as being gay, so that candidate checked into child support payments the firs candidate evidently hadn't been making....you get the idea). So somehow, I end up on a stage moderating a debate between these two guys, in front of 800 students and community members and more news cameras than I wanted to pretend were there.
My biggest worry is that someone would talk over their time limit, and I'd have to stop them in front of everyone. And sure enough, one did it. And when he paused to take a break, I just said (quite firmly), "Thank you, Mr.... for your response. Our next question goes to..."
So that's my advice. If someone talks to long, or goes over time, or won't stop, just wait until they take a breath, and be as kind and firm as possible. Throw in a little praise for whatever they just said, and no one will notice you just cut them off. You'd be surprised how much automatic authority you have just by plopping down in the chair marked "moderator"
And PS, you won't be "that person" unless you yell "shut up" across the room, and I'm quite sure you won't do that! *g* (though it might be funny to watch!)
(and sorry for the ramble-gram this morning)
See, Hal, this is how weird I am. I'm sitting here thinking I would LOVE to moderate something like that. LOL! (Shut up, Hellie, I would NOT insist on being in the debate.)
That is some scandalous stuff right there. Politics isn't pretty on any level, is it? I promise not to yell SHUT UP across any room, unless it's to save a friend. :)
well of course, if it's to save a friend... *g*
Actually I fought to be the one moderating. The whole project got dumped on my lap, even though it was a "student-driven event", so I figured if I have to set it all up, I get to be the one on stage (yes, I was the geek in college who was star of the speech and debate team. National champion in debate my senior year, thank you. *g*). But yes, very scandalous for our small, conservative town. It was even more "scandalous" when the gay guy won! LOL! Poor backwards hicks around here had no idea how to react to that!
Dang it, that's another thing I missed out on by not going to a regular college all those years ago. Hindsight is a bitch.
Hurrah for the gay guy! LOL! I bet he does a great job.
LOL! yeah, he's lightyears better than the other candidate, or his predecessor.
Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it? I'd definitely have made other choices regarding my education. But in my defense, I was 18 *g*. And few 18 year old's make solid, educational decisions. LOL!
The worst part is that Sr. Bubba was right. She tried to convince me to go to a regular college. Said I was wasting my potential. LOL! Who'd a thunk I should have listened to a nun?!
How many eighteen year olds have ever made great decisions about anything that they do? I know I didn't. I was an idiot. Someone should've locked me away.
Ter, what'cha looking forward to the most about Nationals?
A penis shaped pillow? Where is this picture? ;)
Melted M&Ms in the girls...been there, done that... Usually I rain popcorn as I leave the movie theater.
Actually, you get a real obnoxious person in the audience and yelling 'shut up' across the room might get you a standing ovation. I've been in panals where I wished someone would shout at the dominating twits. Oh, and hush the group that won't quit yacking...
It isn't a popular job, but thank god when someone does it! Doesn't Eloisa teach? I'm betting she'll keep things in check.
OK, I'll keep thinking... Thumper, Thumper, Thumper.
I'm still bound to find someone to offend, I seem to be a magnet when it comes to finding those easily offended... But I always survive it...
the other question might be...where did you get that pillow?
A penis shaped pillow? I musta missed something. LOL
No, the other question is... Where can I get one?
Y'all are too funny. Sorry to say the penis pillow is a figment of Hellie's imagination. Or at least I've never seen one.
I'm sure it exists somewhere....
Sin - The real fun is seeing all my friends for this one time a year. I'm even getting to meet a few that I've been talking to online for years and never met in person. Meeting authors is always cool, and talking romance writing of course, but the friendships and the laughter are the best parts. :)
I can't wait until next year if I manage to make it. It always sounds like so much fun and you guys always talk about it all year long. I want to experience that too.
I bet you could find a Penis pillow at Spencers.
I totally want to go next year too. I should go this year, with it being close by and all, but between the cost of registering, and the fact that I have absolutely nada to pitch, I couldn't justify it. Next year, though, I will be there will bells on and pitching up a storm *g*
here's to hoping we all go with something to pitch next year *raises bottle of rum snuck from behind 2nd Chance's back*
In order to make myself stay focused, I'm not even allowing myself to think about conferences unless I have something to pitch. That should get me moving!
Sabrina - After you've blown LOTS of money going and not pitching, it's major motivation as well. LOL!
Damn it, now I need to make time to hit the mall. I have to find Chance one of these pillows. LOL!
Here's to 2010 being the Year of the Pirates!
Here here!! I'll drink to that.
Whoever has Jan 1 next year must make that the blog title. LOL!
*checks schedule*
That's you, Lisa!
I couldn't resist.
http://inventorspot.com/fun_pillows?page=0%2C2
Scroll down to #12. 8)
Holy Smokes - ummm...that's an interesting selection.
Totally not suitable to be caught on that site at work! LOL!
wow! Now those are some pillows!
Then you really don't want to click that little "Fun Pillow" link on the pictures. LOL!
You should have seen me trying to figure out what to google without googling the obvious. "man part" worked instead. :)
Terrio, you have wa-a-a-a-a-ay too much free time at work! LOL! Those are so cool! I must consider the boob pillows fer the DH... His b-day is at the end of the month... ;)
Actually, that only took a minute. LOL! It was the first site I checked and there they were.
But I am slacking off. I think my brain is already in DC.
LMAO- only us can get off topic with penis pillows complete with links and visual aids. LOL
This time, it's Hellie's fault.
Isn't it usually?
*ducking*
Why don't we blame Sabrina?
In fact, I think I'll mix a new drink... Blaming Sabrina.
We really do need a scapegoat here on the ship, I nominate Sabrina!
Reminds of that t-shirt.
"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I'm going to blame you for it."
LOL!
Oh! I want that on a button!
I want that on a t-shirt. I bet Cafe Press has it.
Oh I'll totally take the blame if I can live in Infamy on a t-shirt!
You people are way too anxious to take the blame for things. LOL! Where is your dignity?!
Wait, we're pirates, huh? Nevermind. Carry on....
soooo.....does this mean I can claim a pirate name and be officially dubbed "Scapegoat"????
LOL - you pirates are too fun! I think I might be pursuaded to throw in a silly photo for captioning on the Blame Sabrina shirt...Ok maybe that's too much!
There is no such thing as too much on the Romance Writers Revenge.
Terrio - I just realized you'll be leaving tomorrow? Who am I gonna bounce my insecurities off of late at night? Jane goes to bed too early... Sin?
I want a Tortuga School of Bartending t-shirt. I need to ask PirateMod about doing one of those...
Sin, yer shirt is in the mail. Oh, did I mention is has a faint waterstain on it? I tried washing it away, but no luck. I think it just adds to the charm... This is why it was on sale...
You'll be fine...but since everyone else gave their worst case scenario why shouldn't I? After returning from the bathroom you don't realize you have tiolet paper trailing from the waistband of your pants, skirt, capris...well you get the picture:) I say this because it's happened to me in church. Yes, collective gasp.
Oh, I think Sabrina the Scapegoat sounds very piratey!
Scapegoat Sabrina...when ya really needs ta blame someone, look fer little ol' Scapegoat.
When the toilet paper be follerin' ya down the hallway and the snorts a' derision haunt yer brain...find Scapegoat and points ta 'er...
Sure, Chance, that's a *water* stain.
Sabrina - Pictures on the shirt are fine as long as there is nothing nefarious happening to the goat. ;)
Lisa - I'm now going to double check everytime I go!
MM, I'm up late usually. Catch me on the email.
And who cares about water spots? I love funky charm :)
Terrio - Ye be castin' nasty aspirtions at me husband?
*crooked eye
I'm not going to give you a reason to worry. You'll do great, remember everything and have a BLAST!
Chance - Of course not. That was aimed directly at you, my dear. LOL!
JK - Thanks! I wish you were going too. :(
So-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ooooo. Ya think I did somethin' nasty ta Sin's shirt!
I thought a' bein' offended and decided not ta be.
Seriously - pirates who are attendign RWA - You'll do great and I hope you have a wonderful time!
Seriously, a good time is guarateed. Whoohoo!
Now I'm sitting here trying not to cry. I just took my little Bumblebee to the Petshotel (no kidding, that's what it's called.) This is my first night without him in two months. *sniff* The house feels so empty.
When we board Bonnie, it's at Bed&Biscuits...some cute names out there. With leaving in the morning, I'll be surprised if you sleep anyway!
Oh, and I have to get up at 5am. SO good I can sleep on the train. LOL!
I consoled myself with a large bowl of ice cream. This Edy's Slow Churn stuff is da bomb.
I just dug out my business cards and realized I had our blog address printed on the back of them. How about that?! LOL! I don't even remember doing that but they look good.
I'm glad I caught you before you left, Ter. You'll be great!!!! No worries. Take a deep breath, relax, just be yourself and everyone will love you! You can't lose with that formula.
Take lots of pictures!
(Those Petshotels are a riot! My kids want to leave our dogs there just so they can call them on the BonePhone!)
Yah! Irish is comment #69. LOL!
It was emotional, let me tell you. We were driving there and I actually looked over and told my cat I love him. How pathetic is that? LOL!
You are too sweet to me, Irish. I will do my best to be myself but that has gotten me in plenty of trouble before.
Camera, batteries, memory cards are packed. Now I need to work on my eyebrows. *sigh*
I'm sorry...work on your eyebrows???
And I tell my cat and my dog that I love them all the time. Nothing strange about that!
I'm in that calm place before the trip...it will go well or it won't and I am powerless before the storm... All I can do is set my sails and pray for fair winds. See you in a few days!
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