Drowning the Inner Critic by J Perry Stone
I did a thing the other day that is leaving me a little happy (so much so I sorta want to do a dance) and also a little disturbed (so much so I haven’t done it since).
I had a drink before sitting down to write. Lo and behold, out popped 5 pages in an hour. Granted, I haven’t reread those 5 pages, but damn did they come out easy.
So now I’m thinking about all the American greats: Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Faulker--who once said, “Civilization starts with distillation”--and since I only remember what I learned in my lit classes, I can still recall each of their vulnerabilities with alcoholism and how it affected their life and work. But I get why they went there in the first place.
There is no bitch to rival the bitch of a writer’s inner critic. Not one. Not your mother, not the two-faced girl in high school, not even you in full blown PMS. The inner critic is an insidious shrew who comes in the guise of helping you to do your best. That’s what you think she’s going to do, but she’s underhanded because as you’re rewriting that sentence for the 30th time, suddenly her stooge, discouragement, comes in to whisper, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’ll never make it,” or “You’re wasting your time.” So then you get up from the computer and find all manner of things to work on except the writing. You might even become so desperate as to clean your house. That’s how nuts it’s all gotten.
So I had a glass of wine and then I forgot I didn’t hit my page quota for the day (sorta, but not really “forgot”). Dinner was on the stove, kids were blitzing on some kind of science program and I sat down to write what I gathered to be one hottie mama sex scene. After I was finished I thought, Hey, wine does the same for writing sex as it does for having it. It temporarily silences the inhibitions. At least in my own head, it makes the movements more fluid, the attempts more daring.
The next day, however, I recognized the slippery slope I was on as I fingered the wine cork and pondered trying it again. A habit of having one drink before writing could very well turn into stashing bottles next to my computer. What’s worse, it could turn into hitting the hooch during the day simply because I’m so hell-bent on accomplishing my writing goals.
I can’t follow you there, American greats. Sorry. What I can do is really think about why I’m still thinking about this.
Seems to me I have to silence the inner critic. Somehow I have to find a way to shove her aside and just write. Simple, right? Okay but how? Help.
What are your tricks for shutting up your inner critic? Because short of drowning my bitch in vino, she’s still yammering in my head.
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75 comments:
Ah, well...great minds work alike. Me Friday blog will be addressing this issue...not as eloquently as ya, Scuttlebutt. I'm more take the dagger ta the bitches...
Me biggest problem is how sneaky me inner critic is. I was talkin' ta someone 'bout that today. How it ain't the easy words that I find hard ta ignore. It's the sneaky, subtle ones... That heavy blanket of blankness that swallows me up until every day is like everyother day...and a week becomes a month, becomes two months.
Oh, yeah. Been there, done that...
'Course, I haven't tried the wine yet.
Alcohol makes me sleepy, so I don't think wine would do it for me either.
Anne Lamott, whom I quote at any opportunity, says "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." She suggests we silence all those oppressive critical voices in the following manner:
"Close your eyes and get quiet for a minute, until the chatter starts up. Then isolate one of the voices and imagine the person speaking as a mouse. Pick it up by the tail and drop it into a mason jar. Then isolate another voice, pick it up by the tail, drop it in the jar. And son on. Drop in any high-maintenance parental units, drop in any contractors, lawyers, colleagues, children, anyone who is whining in your head. Then put the lid on, and watch all these mouse people clawing at the glass, jabbering away, trying to make you feel like shit because you won’t do what they want — won’t give them more money, won’t be more successful, won’t see them more often. Then imagine that there is a volume-control button on the bottle. Turn it all the way up for a minute, and listen to the stream of angry, neglected, guilt-mongering voices. Then turn it all the way down and watch the frantic mice lunge at the glass, trying to get to you. Leave it down, and get back to your shitty first draft."
I like that image, but in practical terms I find another Lamott quote more helpful.
"Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper. So I keep trying gently to bring my mind back to what is really there to be seen, maybe to be seen and noted with a kind of reverence…"
I believe that Margaret Thatcher didn't need much sleep, and late into the night while writing speeches, she had a bottle of scotch at her table with a jug of ice.
Now that's a Lady worth emulating!
Forget the wine and stick to scotch with plenty of ice. As the golden nectar flows through you, your mind will clear and you will ascend to a heavenly plane from where all things earthly will be viewed with a crystal clarity.
The secret is in the crystals of ice....be sure to make it from mineral water.*grin*
Great blog, J. Perry!!
I had to chuckle at what would happen if I had a glass of wine before writng. I start to giggle uncontrollably after half a glass of wine, then my eyes water because I'm laughing so hard, which makes me laugh harder--it's a vicious circle. However it brings much amusement to my family and friends.
As for shutting up the inner critic, there are times I have shut off my moniter while writing, the critic seems quieter when she can't see the words. Once she is quiet, I'll turn it back on, because it always makes me feel good to see how much I've done.
Di
Chance - What?
Janga - I've never gotten a taste for wine but now I wonder if it would put me to sleep. Probably.
Q - I've done one shot of scotch in my life and my cheeks tingle for 30 minutes. No thank you. LOL!
Di - That's genius! I never would have thought of that. (And you might want to check the post under this one for some good news. ;) )
I grew up with an alcoholic and though I drink, I've always been careful about drinking for fun and not because I *need* it or long for it. That's when I won't touch it. Of course, now I don't drink it at all. Another something my tummy rebels against.
The vomit it out thing is the only thing that has shut my IC up. The voice that says, "It's fine for now" in a very stern tone seems to shut her up. Not sure how I'll do it in the 2nd draft and beyond. LOL!
Great Blog, JP. :)
I admit that I do this. Only when writing sex scenes though. I almost feel like my preparation for writing a sex scene feels a little like foreplay. Minus the DH of course. When I'm writing my sex scenes, DH thinks he's being helpful by offering all manner of colorful phrase to assist me. I believe some recent suggestions have been "stirring her love pudding" and "taking a ride in her love canal."
So, I wait until the DH is in bed at night. I have to write sex scenes at night. The darkness pulls in on me, making me feel all warm and safe. I sit in a darkened room, with one small light. I snuggle down under a blanket with the laptop on my lap. And I partake in a glass of wine. Then I wait for it to start hitting and then I start writing.
I also tend to write my sex scenes in one big chunk. I didn't do that with this last one and I think it messed it up for me so that it took way longer.
But I only do that for sex scenes. I'm also trying to keep the writerly latent alcoholic at bay. LOL!
Marn - I do that same thing with love scenes. I've only written a few for that short story and I found writing them at night with the lights out worked really well. I wonder if that will hold true for the WIP. Hmmmm.....now I'm curious.
But I don't have the kind of helpful input your DH offers. LOL! Lucky you. :)
I exhibit all the signs of an American Great, without the manuscript proof of course. I'm moody, paranoid, at my best when I have a drink in my hand, and was voted most likely to stick my head in an oven.
I don't normally sit down with a drink though. Because I'd only want to have one drink--and usually ONE drink just makes me sleepy and I'll just go to bed. Which totally negates that whole writing agenda. Now if I can get two drinks, I'm less likely to sleep and more likely to write, but drinking multiple drinks at home just feels desperate, doesn't it? So I just skip that too.
Unless I'm watching Bridget Jones on TV. For some reason I think I should drink with her--so I will drink a glass or two whenever I watch her movies, which isn't that often.
I'm not sure what to do about the IC without getting him liquored up or medicating him with some Prozac. For a puppy who piddles on the floor--that was a great image, Janga--I'm tempted to return the damned thing to the pound and get a cat. But I'm not sure you're allowed to pick your Inner Critic.
If we were, I'd pick someone that looked like George Clooney. And when he got mouthy, I'd shut him up with sex. Which would be research for me--and he'd be too tired to offer commentary about how I'll never be a success at writing. Unfortunately I think my IC looks more like Jack Black, and I simply won't go there for the sake of my art.
Real helpful. I'm like, baby, I'm glad you kept those kinds of suggestions to yourself when we were wooing. *eye roll*
*snorting mountain dew out of her nose* OMG, Marn, wow! That is helpful! *ROTFLMAO* Lucky, LUCKY you.
You drink with Bridget? Yes, that makes total sense. It's a good thing I don't watch that movie much, I'd be tempted to eat with her and I already eat enough.
For the record, if my IC was George Clooney and I kept him quiet with sex, there would NEVER be a finished manuscript.
J Perry is off to the dentist but she will be here to BS when she gets back. :)
Marn - Wooing is one of my favorite words. In all it's forms. To woo. To be woo'd. He's wooing her. I just love that word. (Even if it's not a real word.)
Can you get performance anxiety from writing a sex scene?
This is not like driving. I don't drive while drunk and I don't write while being drunk. I think the latter is worse for me. I tend to be a happy drunk and happiness in my writing is like purple unicorns and butterflies and princesses and all that other shit that makes me want to puke when I'm coherant.
I shut the critic up by music. Which is why a lot of the times it's blasting at all volumes, or I've got my skullz stuck in my ears. The only time I have peace is when I'm one with the music. Not even when I'm doing yoga can I get that bitch critic off my back.
Marn- Mattycakes once offered to write my sex scene for me. And once I agreed, I think he got cold feet. LOL
a ride in her love canal? oh NO!!!! LMAO!
Janga, I love the idea of putting the little mouse voices in the jar. I have to start doing that. Awesome!
J Perry - great blog! But I'm with the others. Unless I'm hanging out with people (and sometimes even then) wine makes me sleepy. Unfortunately, as for sober ways to shut up the IC, I've got nothing. Mine's a shrew who never stops *g*
YES, you can totally get performance anxiety from WRITING a sex scene.
But I get performance anxiety during sex too...so I'm probably no one to ask.
I think writing sex is a lot less anxiety filled than actually having it, but then I haven't done either in so long, what do I know?
I'm always tempted to write about something really freaky. It's too bad Mattycakes never bothers to read what I write. Not that the undead monkey needs any ideas. Spider monkeying is tiring business.
I get anxiety writing sex. But I don't get anxiety having it. I think I must be odd.
Shut up Lisa.
I think that writing sex is more anxiety ridden because so many people could possibly read it and think they're getting a peek into your personal life.
Sex has a finite number of people involved, as long as there isn't any video equipment.
Great, I'm the odd one out. Maybe I've been reading romance too long because this doesn't occur to me. Writing it is less intimate and it's not me, it's them. Which is the most freeing part. LOL!
Plus, if either of the characters get self-conscious (okay, this is mostly for the heroine) then I can have the other say or do the perfect thing to make it all work out. THAT does not happen in real life. LOL!
I think I'm the odd one Ter, and you're the sane one. Writing sex shouldn't feel as intimate as having sex with someone, but like Marn, I feel like when I write a sex scene and someone reads it they feel like they are getting a glimpse of my personal sex life. Usually isn't the case (though, if it were I'd never tell) but I tend to embarrass really easy and it shows in my face.
In real life, for me, it's easy for me to laugh off the awkwardness and self-conscious parts of sex because you've got to have an attitude about it or it can affect you mentally. And men have to be just as self-conscious. I would think.
Great blog, J Perry!
I'm with most of you who fall asleep after 1 glass of wine so that would be pointless. I'm also with Terri who has alcoholism galloping through my ancestor gene fields, so I'm a little weary of using it for fortification. Not saying I haven't a time or two when my younger self deemed it absolutley necessary, but there's always a danger there I'm constantly aware of. So, the wine probably wouldn't be a good tool. I like the little puppy piddling image. I can relate to that.
Marnee, my DH must be related to your DH!!! He keeps telling me we could write an awesome book together and always offers his Shakespeare worthy prose! I keep telling him he's really diminishing his chances of ever having sex with me again if he keeps imprinting these really nasty cheesy comments on my brain coming out of his mouth! That usually shuts him up!
And I totally agree that writing sex is more stressful for me than having it due to the fact that having it involves (hopefully) just the two of you and writing it involves thousands eventually (hopefully, again).
What great insights!
I do think men are just as self-conscious about it all, Sin!
And Terri, I love the whole control aspect of it too! I can make it turn out the way I want it.
I do agree that I'm always afraid people who read it are thinking they're getting an insight into my sex life. My fear is just amped up a little due to who I'm married to. If they know him they always think anything is possible! It's kind of inhibiting.
I always liked Margaret Thatcher, and now I have yet another reason why!
Wonderful blog!
I think the way to silence the inner bitch is to find a particularly badly written NY pubbed book and keep it by the computer. When you feel doubts, pick it up and read a few paragraphs--most any will do. We all know books where it doesn't matter where you open the book you'll find something horrid.
I think this helps in two ways. 1) You can say, 'I write better than this--soooo much better than this.' 2) You can say, 'If she's this bad and made it, I will most definitely make it, too.'
I don't mean we should tear others down, but if the comparison helps, then go for it.
Oh, I know people are getting insight to my sex life. The heroine who feels fat, self-conscious, and tries to be a control freak about the whole experience? Clearly I'm writing my life.
Except I usually make up the part at the end where it all goes a lot smoother and happier than I typically do. Meaning, my characters stop being such damned control freaks. I have yet to master this for myself.
Even if they think they're peeping into my sex life, that's no always a bad thing. I could be getting points for being more limber than I can ever be. It's all about the positive spin, ladies.
Dee - I know exactly what book I'd use. LOL! I'm pretty sure J Perry does too. Love you, kitty kat. ;) (Can't wait until Santa snorts out her nose while reading this.)
Irish - I'm amazed that man hasn't loosened you up more than he has. Let them think what they want. Being adventurous (to a point if I'm honest) is a good thing.
"Love Canal" ? Wasn't that a toxic waste site?
;)
Sorry, Terrio, did I confuse you? My ICs are real demons, love. Total massive fire breathing dragons...nuns with rulers. Those are the easy ones to slay. It's the termites that are the hard ones. So small, it's hard to hit them, hard to find them and speak to their issues, hard to coax them back onto the piddle pad...
But they take things like the article in RT and it is high octane rocket fuel to them and I'm off planet for weeks trying to get back to earth...
Oddly enough, I'm writing fine through all of this. It's the rest of the day to day that goes to hell.
But I love the wooing...wonder if I could woo them? Pitchin' woo? New drink! Pitchin' Woo!
Ah, Hellion...be a control freak. We love that about you.
Sex scenes are fiction, folks! My God, if only it were real! I'd never get outta bed with the DH! Self conscious? Hahahahahahahahaha!
No, I haven't been at the wine bottle. I wish.
Chance - But you're feeling better about that article now, right? Right?! Adjust that perspective, darlin'.
Dee, I know those books! We all do. I don't think it counts as tearing someone down unless you flame them openly and publicly by name, et al, on the web or you do it to their face.
Okay, and I'd probably count it if you and a group of webbies flame it up amongst yourselves because I think that probably builds bad mojo for yourself.
But as a one-on-one project, since books are subjective (CLEARLY), you can find a book that didn't work for you and use it as that sort of inspiration. Now I just have to find that book. Usually I toss those books in the bin or hawk them at the UBS so I can buy something more readable. I knew I should have saved one of the bad books for a reason. Dangit.
*LOL* "I could be getting points for being more limber than I can ever be."--yeah, I sorta think along those lines too. Wow, they really think I'm that freaky nympho, score one for me.
OH, yeah. Much better. I haven't read it again, but I'm workin' up me courage fer it. Maybe a glass a' wine tonight and read it with me eyes blurry.
I am an easy drunk...man...one good glass of wine and I get all gigglepuss.
Hey! Headin' ta the race at Sonoma on Sunday! Weeee!
The Sonoma race should be the perfect place to get a good glass of wine. LOL!
Have fun!
I guess I can see that guys might get a bit self-conscious about the intimate stuff, but I don't think that's something you find in Romance love scenes often. It's fantasy, ya know. He always knows what he's doing. Even in the rare instances where he's never done it before, he still knows how to find and work the hooha.
It is fiction, after all. LOL!
You know, I've noticed that lately! Even a male virgin in a Regency somehow knows where to go and what to touch. And they didn't have online porn to convince them they knew what they were doing when they didn't... And all these female virgins who end up having catastophic climaxes...right.
Fiction. Must. Remember. It. Is. Fiction.
I gotta get me DH ta try writin' a sex scene. I bet that could be a hilarious exercise in couple therapy... Shortest scene, ever...hee, hee. So glad he doesn't read this!
I'm takin' me bitchy self out ta the dog park, crew. I be back later! Prob'ly wit' a whole new attitude...somethin' 'bout playin' dogs jus' does the body good. And the spirit...
Might be a cure fer the IC blahs...dog park viewin'!
Toxic waste site. LOL! Chance, it definitely should be. LOL!
2nd, I have that trouble too. In fact, it seems I've had all writer's disorders, but I think if I were more Gestapo with my routine, I wouldn't suffer as much.
Janga! Cutting and pasting right now. God bless Annie Lamott and especially you. As for Lamott, she saved me going through the shock of raising my first born.
Quantum, I wish I could drink Scotch. I'd like to slink up to a bar one time and order one, just for the cheap thrill of feeling like a grown-up, but to me it tastes like paint-thinner. Anything in the beer or wine family, however .... And you say it's in the ice? Well no wonder that's my problem. I don't do beer or wine on the rocks. Thatcher's a class act though.
Di, I'd love to see you giggling at the computer but DAMN that's a good idea about the monitor. Hellooooo? Where have I been that no one has suggested it to me until now?
Ter, If I could have "It's fine for now" tattooed on the brain ... And thanks for holding down the fort, er, ship until I got back. My teeth ache. I must be getting old or something because the cold water spray hurt so bad, I was clutching at the ceiling to get away from it.
Yeow.
Marn, your DH and mine must be twins because mine does the exact same thing ... only in non-native speaking English. For example: "He stroked her loin." And then, of course, all I can think about is tender loin ... pork loin. LoinSSSS, dumb ass, not loin! Makes me laugh though. Men shouldn't help with sex except in bed.
Hellie said: "Unfortunately I think my IC looks more like Jack Black, and I simply won’t go there for the sake of my art."
LOLOLOLOLOL
Well if my inner critic looked like f'ing Jack Black, I might not be so unsuccessful shutting his ass up.
You shoulda been voted "Most likely to see outside the box."
Sin, I've tried music before but it's like a brain blender to me. It jumbles all my thoughts and I can't focus. Wish this wasn't so though.
Hal, maybe we should drink and write together, hmmmm?
As for the writing vs. having sex debate ...
is it wrong I'd rather read a book?
Oh man, Irish, now I'm totally on the side that says writing sex is harder. Yikes! Thousands? I never even thought about it like that.
But that's true, Ter, about the control. Course it's lotsa fun to have control in the bedroom too, no? ;)
Dee, very helpful hint, especially using the second option of if she can make it I can.
Totally going to use that.
2nd, what article in RT??? Now I'm curious.
Now Terri, did I even say which book I'd use? So how do you know I'd use that book?
Hell with it. We ALL know which book we'd ALL use. We're going to have such a stink load of bad karma for this. The problem is, I can see some smart-ass newbie writer opening my books and picking out just the sex paragraphs then falling over laughing.
In sex scenes in romances, clothing disappears at a touch with no awkward moments, foreplay is a constant, the heroine always experiences orgasm, often without direct clitoral stimulation, and, as Christina Dodd said in Bookbug's famous poll of heroic qualities the hero's endurance is heroic. LOL!
If this describes anyone's real life sex life, you don't need to write romance. You can share your secrets with the world in a non-fiction book and make a fortune. I bet you could get your first dozen pre-orders on the ship. :)
2nd said: Even a male virgin in a Regency somehow knows where to go and what to touch.
That's because they're experts by association.
Or experts by comparison because God forbid a Regency woman know anything. And let me just say it right here: Regency women know a helluva lot more than we think. They just never verbalized it.
Janga,
Here, here!!!!
Janga - That actually was my sex life for a brief time back in 2003. Good times. *sigh*
J - Sorry to hear about your teeth. Mine are very sensitive but that's from years of neglect.
And I did not name a specific book. Plus, not everyone knows what we're talking about. At least not everyone on the ship.
And about control, I'm talking about the kind of control where he ALWAYS says and does the right thing. Not quite the same as what you're talking about. ;)
I'm so hungry I'm shaking. Must find food!
Terri said:
"I’m talking about the kind of control where he ALWAYS says and does the right thing."
What'd I say? It's fun to have control in the bedroom? Yeah, I mean the same thing as you 'cept I'm the one talking and doing ...
And I'm always right ;)
Still not what you meant?
J Perry - My query letter was critiqued in the July issue of RT. I was sorta tricked into submitting it by my CP, who I am determined to believe didn't know what she was setting me up for... Terrio has helped me see it as helpful, but at first...and some still...I was crushed into microbits of blasted author ego...
I laughed, I cried, I raged...and thought I was over it until I realized my sneaky ninja type IC were using it to keep me feeling smashed. I have very sneaky IC...
Tune in tomorrow when I don't look for placation or detente. I just kill them. And smile a lot...
I swear, I'm reading some regency stuff just because there are some excellent writers doing them...the secret sisterhood of I-know-what-happens-between-a-man-and-woman-but-you-don't drives me insane. The last Essex Sister book by Eloisa had me ready to reach into the pages and strangle those sisters who wouldn't tell Josie anything!
I like your take on it...they knew more and talked about it more than is written. I hope. Or it might go on to explain so much about the whole fascination with innocence...
Innocence is over-rated.
The article really did have so many positives, though I can imagine the sting when you don't know it's coming. It was sort of like working for a year to take off weight without success then someone saying, "You're doing this, this, and this wrong, but if you do that, that, and that, the pounds will fall off in a week."
You hate to hear you've done it wrong, but it's fantastic to have the magical answer.
And I thought reading romance novels was a good way to learn how to please.
It seems that I have been reading 'fiction' and 'fantasy' and getting mislead.
Damn! What does it really take to please a woman? :?
Very entertaining blog. :lol:
I'm torn between the answer "We don't have enough memory here to type that answer" or "It's so simple it should be obvious."
It takes infinite patience to please a woman. *LOL* Someone with humor...and who can listen between what's being said when they're expressing what they want.
And if he's got a really big D***, that can't hurt.
Perfect answer Terri.
You clearly know how to please a man!
I love an enigma *grin*
So Helli
Your telling me that those books are NOT all fantasy! :lol:
Though having a really big D*** and not knowing what to do with it can hurt. Trust me.
You clearly know how to please a man!
I'm positive these words have never been uttered (or typed) and will never be again. LOL! But I thank you all the same. ;)
Ah, but we all needs ta hear that we know how ta please a man now and then... We all knows...it's findin' the man that can go further up 'is torso than 'is d***.
I know, Terrio...it was gettin' past the sting a' seein' me all naked in front a' the whole wide world... Least that was 'ow it felt. It don't 'elp that she started out wit' everythin' I was doin' wrong...
I actually was thinkin'...if I get drunk enough at the Nationals mayhaps I find J.F. and talk ta 'er about the article... Wonder if there be 'nuff rum in the world...
I likes the bit 'bout there not bein' 'nuff memory on the site ta explain how ta please a woman... 'Course, I'd be interested in 'earin' 'bout it meself...
And Q? Don't matter what ya hear one day, it be changed the next... ;)
I said it couldn't hurt; I didn't say it was necessary.
Q, I would say not everything in the books is complete fantasy. I've had some good times and thought, "Dang, this could be in a book!" And asked him to do it again in case it was a freak accident. But it's worked more than once. I think there might be something to a glittery hooha and golden cock theory. I'll have to do my research though. *grins* And I'm glad of those good times because they make me feel a lot more at peace about the bad times where I was going, "Everything is a lie." *LOL*
I will say the atomic orgasming virgin women who weren't able to identify their glittery hooha in a lineup but now are working miracles with it IS a fantasy. I'm not sure whose fantasy. That can be debated later.
"I will say the atomic orgasming virgin women who weren’t able to identify their glittery hooha in a lineup but now are working miracles with it IS a fantasy. I’m not sure whose fantasy. That can be debated later."
YES!!!!!
I will say it also depends on the love scene in question. Eloisa James seems to write loves scene that seem, well, plausible. *LOL*
But she does tend to have a bit more humor about her scenes.
And I will grant you that romance scenes are scarce of including the heroine's thoughts when they steer towards, "Ouch, ouch, ouch, he's on my hair" or "Crap, I didn't take the clothes out of the dryer, they're going to be wrinkled!"--and random crap like that does skitter through one's mind.
Well, I don't think about laundry. But equally useless thoughts sometimes show up at the most inopportune time.
Never mind. Forget I said anything.
I jus' read a love scene in a Jennifer Crusie book where the woman is totally jumping back and forth between the random nonsense and 'oh that feels good' and I thought...Yea! That's about right!
Chance: I agree about that, but I don't agree that women knew a lot, back in the good old days. I don't think their pleasure was a real priority. I think the culture was just different. Being my parents' idea of explaining sex to me was to give a book that said, "Don't have it unless you're married"--and I grew up in the 1980s--I imagine the young woman a 100 years prior, wondering about her body was even less informed than I was. And considering the Puritan mindset was even greater then than now--I imagine they made her feel even more guilty than I did--and I had some serious guilt.
I think a whole hell of them could have used some therapy and whatnot.
I don't like the modern historical heroine character for the most part. It feels too much like a 20th century actor pretending to be a historical character, but has never taken a history class to know what she's supposed to be acting like.
*LOL* I love Jennifer Cruisie sex scenes. I think she does a great job of modern women mindset. Granted, she's a modern woman--but she does Everywoman very well. *LOL*
I think she's quirky about having dogs in all of them though. Then again, I'd probably have Pirates or Harry Potter in all my books, so to each their own.
A Pirate in Every Plot! Yes!
Sure, and it's all fiction anyway. It's in the fiction that I want to scream... Like I said, poor Josie and her sisters refusing to help her at all... It may have been historically accurate, but it drove me bonkers.
There's really no way to know what was going on back then with the knowing and the doing, not really. I don't think I'd want to be in the upper class...sure, you had cleaner clothes, but didn't fun wasn't part of the game... Seems like the rest of the world knew more than you did...
Fiction-wise, a' course.
See, I totally enjoyed the fact they refused to tell her anything. *LOL* I thought it was spot on.
I don't think Terri was wild about it though. *LOL* And I don't think she dug the mother in An Affair Before Christmas--but I found that woman believable too. *LOL*
I can't imagine the lower classes were having that great of a time either, dying of filth, bad water, poor conditions, and no heat. You can't afford a doctor; and you die in childbirth more often than not. Hell, Mary Wollstencraft (sp?) was upper class and died from complications of childbirth.
You can't make advancements in medicine because the people were crazy suspicious about dead bodies, souls, et al.--so the practices done for medicine are practically quacky--and you think their sex practices are going to be equal opportunity enjoyment? Ha. What a joke.
I may not have been there, but I've seen enough proof to think exactly what I'm thinking. When someone can find me some proof and books that prove it the other way, then maybe I'll accept that everyone--all the time--has been having a great time in the sack.
However, I think even Cosmo runs a poll and there is still about 20% or so of women who confess to never even having an orgasm...so I don't think it's that far fetched to assume my historical ancestors probably found sex overrated. Even though I'm aware believing polls and statistics is a dangerous road to travel.
In truth, I'd rather stick with me era... I'd be dead if'n I lived back then...with me dicey heart and all...
I'd rather stick my era too. *LOL*
I didn't mine Josie's sisters not telling her. And the mother in AABC was horrible, but believable. There were other aspects of that story that I didn't like. But I still think Eloisa is one of the best writers out there.
Hellie and I argue...I mean debate all the time about whether women enjoyed sex back then. I say some did and she refused to believe any of them did. We have to agree to disagree on this one. :)
I didn't say NONE of them had fun. I just think the percentage was a lot lower than you're crediting. *LOL* You had them giving seminars at quilting bees.
I think my favorite historical factoid was learning how many PREGNANCIES there were after a church revival (circa 1830)--and the women weren't married. *LOL*
Oh, and I did have that great-great-cousin/aunt who was pregnant and in labor before anyone figured it out. (I mean, doesn't that sound like that was on the cover of the Enquirer? How can you miss the girl was pregnant?)--so she got married the same day she had the baby. I love that mystery--was she unlucky enough to get pregnant after one time or did this carry on for a while? And did he not know the whole time? Crazy.
There's a new show on one of the channels, Discovery or something, about women who didn't know they were pregnant. Who'd a thunk there are enough women out there to qualify as topics for this show?!
I've found the height of my prolific realm after a shot of tequila:) I can't imagine what I would accomplish if I added the margarita mix...
Great blog JP, and I totally see your point. I think the keyboard could bring the lush out in a lot of us:)
Aye, Lisa...but which came first? The keyboard or the inner critic driving us ta drink?
*hic
'course...who cares? Long as there be drink somewhere in the equation.
Okay, Hellion, I'm gonna jump on your bandwagon. I think you are pretty spot on when it comes to the lack of enjoyable sex happening back then. Hell, I know for a fact there is a hell of a lot of ignorance and lack of enjoyable sex happening right around me in 2009. You gotta think it was a whole lot worse back then. Not a great many enlightened gentlemen out there worrying about their mate's pleasure.
Like you said, just talk to your parents. I talk to my mom about sex, working women, having a career and kids, choosing not to have kids, etc. and her favortie answer is "that just wasn't a consideration-we just didn't think that was an option". I'm sure the culture was such that the guys weren't necessarily jerks (although I'm thinking that goes back to the beginning of time) everyone (or at least a great many of them) were just uninformed. And if they were informed they pretty much kept it to themselves due to fear of censure, IMHO!
Here, here!
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