Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dreaming in Hi-Definition

This week's influence:

 

Eyes on Fire- Blue Foundation

 

There is something child-like to dreams. Even if they are nightmares they seem so real and tangible. Even when I wake up I still can't shake the feeling like I just killed someone, got chased by someone, fell down the stairs, saw something I shouldn't have... etctera etctera.

Dreams are the memories you've forgotten to suppress, forgotten they were there. Hidden, shoved in the back of the closet until you dig through the muck and find the treasure. My reasoning being there are some you never forget and some you try hard to forget but can't. Some are more treasured than others. A lot of my dreams are reoccurring. Dreams that I write into fiction, weaving spider webs around until reality escapes the sanity. I dream Sadie's dream often. Drowning. The fear of dying like her sister. I've had it for so long that if I suddenly never had it again, I'd wonder what had changed in my life to make it go away.

The other day I told the story of Mattycakes and the little girl. I've wondered what made him think of a purple unicorn. Subliminal messaging from my brain to his? I asked for a unicorn for Christmas for as long as I could remember and couldn't figure out why I never got a real unicorn. I didn't figure it was too much to ask for- All princesses had them and I thought myself a fairy tale princess waiting for a prince on a white unicorn to come save the day and take me away from icky Ricky. But every Christmas passed and I never got one. I finally decided when I was six that I would ask Santa what the deal was. I put my hand on my hip and demanded to know where my unicorn was. He asked me if I'd been good and I told him no. Because honestly I hadn't been and I was quite the forthright child. Then he asked, were you good last year? And I said no, because lets face it, I was the devil's spawn. He laughed and asked if that's what I wanted for Christmas and I told him I wanted an apology.

I never did get the unicorn.

And I still want one.

The point is that even as a child you don't know the lines between what is real and what is imaginary. I believed for a long time that I could have a real unicorn. I still to this day dream maybe one day I'll be a published writer and have book signings with people lining up to have a book signed by me. The fact is you dream every day. You dream about the little things and the big things. If you didn't dream then life as you know it wouldn't exist. It would be this dull, gray existence where you would only put one foot in front of the other and conform to the expectations thrusted upon you. Dreaming is one thing. To pretend is another. If you couldn't dream, what would you be like now? I know that I would be hollow, withering in self-pity and lost in the wind.

I got out of the habit of spending most of my nights writing. I've lost that connection into a world of the imaginary that seems so real to me that it's hard to not think that way all day long. I get into this mode of looking at everything from a writer's prospective. From the way you take a shower to the way that you shout at someone. I memorize the facial expressions, the noncommittal words; stuff like that until everything is about writing. I ask people for their reactions and categorize it in a compartment in my brain for future use (mostly at 2AM when I'm dead tired and my brain is nonfunctional).I even catalog conversations for later modifications to work into the story lines if I deem them appropriate.

So does this mean that my everyday life is just like one big dream after another? I've often contemplated this. How do I really know when I'm awake and when I'm dreaming if my dreams are so vivid that I feel awake while having them? Like the movie "Vanilla Sky". That was a strange movie; but oddly enough, I couldn't stop watching it. Like the dreaded train wreck, it's so horrible you want to tear your eyes away, but your held spellbound. I had a feeling of deja-vu watching it.

The brain works in mysterious ways and I've had days where I felt like I was still dreaming but I wasn't. Or maybe I was. Or maybe I'm just so mixed up I don't know which way from Sunday. Anyway, the point is (and yes, I'm trying to make a point) why should we limit ourselves to living in reality when we really don't know if this is it or not. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. Dreams make that happen. Imagination makes that happen. Life without all of this would be a pale existence of nothing. And you may say, "Well she'll never grow up" and hey, that's fine. But at least I'm living my life to as how I see fit. Can you say that?

Today was going to be an exercise in learning how to channel that inner dreamer, but I couldn't find a way to exercise it. So, do you journal your dreams for further exploration in writing? What was one of your most vivid dreams you can remember (that you can actually write about in the comments without us getting too wicked today, *g*)? What tricks do you use to capture that right amount of emotion?

49 comments:

2nd Chance said...

Well, I could talk about the perfect donut dream... Though it's been a few years since I've had that one. I can still taste that donut...glazed, chocolate frosting, with a dark cinnamon ribbon rubbing through it. Sigh.

But honestly, dreams often sparked writing for me. Dreams of flying through the stars gave birth to Miranda landing in the Caribbean. Dreams of running like a wolf gave birth to Foxoddness, where there is no actual shifting, but the sense is there. Being able to breath underwater and swim like a manta ray was another. Flying reappears in Adam's Wings...

I keep track of the most interesting ideas, slip them away to be used. The ones that spark waking up with tears, or a soaring happiness...easy to capture that emotion. It's vibrant and simply part of me.

The naughty dreams? ;) They end up part of things, usually a very big part of things. No pun intended...

2nd Chance said...

I look forward to what Last Chance has to say about the 'what is reality' bit of yer blog, Sin. She and I discussed this not so long ago...

Quantum said...

In response to Sin's request, I promise to be extremely serious today.

You are not alone Sin. There are a lot of scientists puzzling over the nature of reality as well.

The new accelerator at CERN may soon reveal whether super-symmetry is just another pipe dream or whether the world really is as mathematically beautiful as the theorists imagine.

Quantum theorists continue to struggle with the non-local nature of reality.It would seem that measuring something in your back garden can instantly affect the behaviour of something else at the other end of the universe.

I also have a recurring dream. In it I always enter a room painted white with no decoration or furniture other than a table and chair. On the table is a blank piece of paper and a quill with inkwell.

I sit at the table and stare hopelessly at the paper. Eventually a girl enters with an empty glass and a whisky decanter on a tray. Consistently with the decor, she wears no clothing.

Without a word or smile she places the tray before me and leaves. I instantly pick up the quill and start to cover the paper with symbols that look vaguely like Feynman diagrams but make no sense at all.

The girl then returns with a single biscuit on a plate which she places before me. This time I watch as she leaves and notice a large mole on her bottom which gyrates as she walks.

As she closes the door she winks and I see a remarkable resemblance to the secretary at work. I tend to wake up then. I can never remember the details of the symbols but I always note what the secretary is wearing at work....and wonder.

OK I invented the mole! :wink:

Marnee Jo said...

Sin, great blog! And dreams can be great fodder for writing. Stephenie Meyer got her idea for Twilight from a dream. It could happen to anyone.

I'm not sure I've had dreams that would make good stories, but I've had dreams about my story. Sometimes when I"m working on some plot twist or some character development, I sleep on it, like literally go to bed thinking about it. Sometimes I dream about the answer. It doesn't always work, but when it does, I wake up invigorated. :)

And I hope you get your unicorn someday. :)

Irisheyes said...

Great blog, Sin.

I actually do better with daydreaming than real dreaming. I can zone out while I'm wide awake like nobody's business. My actual dreams can be a little creepy. I'll be having this really hot dream, feeling all those happy feelings you should be feeling and then look up into the face of someone totally inappropriate and spoil the whole thing. And I don't mean inappropriate as in I should be seeing the DH and instead am seeing Johnny Depp. That would be just fine by me. It's more like I should be seeing Johnny Depp and instead it's Steve Buscemi from Fargo or Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein! (No offense to those who think Steve Buscemi or Marty Feldman are the bomb - they kind of creep me out!)

If I can capture the first half of the dream I'm good to go. It's the shocker that stays with me though.

Sin said...

And I definitely will be interested in what Last Chance has to say. I feel a dream debate in the future.

Sin said...

MM, mmmmmm, donuts. *drool* I do love a good donut dream. Years ago when I'd go out to Phoenix for a jaunt, there was a Krispy Kreme just around the bend from the house. You could smell the donuts when you stepped out the door in the morning. And there is nothing like a nice hot melty glazed donut fresh out of the oven. There lemon creme donuts are the bomb. So if I have donut dreams they are very real.

Last night I had another reoccuring dream. This one has to do with video games. I'm in this video game of a house and it's prom except I'm not in a prom dress I'm wearing fishnets and carrying a boomerang.

It's a very strange dream.

It's the fact that the dream seems so realistic that it sticks with you long after you're awake. I think that's what drives and motivates people after their eyes open and their bodies start moving. It's what motivates me to put words down on a page and to go back to sleep at night.

Sin said...

Q, always ever the scientist dear.

I wonder what the starkness and the naked girl really mean in your dream. That's rather fascinating if you sit and think about it for a minute. There's always lots of things going on in my reoccuring dreams. Mostlly having to do with violence and problem solving. And lots of random conversations with people I don't know, but know in my dreams and who obviously know me really well too.

I guess the only thing I have that's close to yours Q is that I dream about running through the woods barefoot. There is no sound. No rustling of the leaves as I run by. No sound from my lips if a thorn lodges itself in the bottom of my foot. There's nothing but green for as far as the eyes can see. I turned it into Sadie's dream because it's really good fodder for a nightmare.

I'm rather interested in the science behind dreams. Though, Quantam sceince is very far over my head. Maybe we should start with elementary science first. I need a tudor. *g*

Sin said...

Marn, it seems very logical to me that the only way to have ever found a story like Twilight was to have dreamed it. The meadow scene is very dream like and even if you didn't know it was dream inspired, for me, it's easy to tell.

I'm like you. If I'm working really hard on my writing, I tend to go to bed some nights thinking about it and end up dreaming about solutions and new plot points and ways to weave it all together. I like to sleep on it because after hours of writing into the wee hours of the night, my brain isn't as sharp as it is when I get about an hour in.

terrio said...

What an interesting blog topic. And I have to say, your dreams make me queasy just to hear about.

When I was a child, I often dreamed I was falling and would jerk myself awake. Usually before I hit the floor, but not always. Those seems to have gone away. Then I would have dreams that I was running to or from something, but could only move in slow motion. What I imagine it would feel like to run in quicksand or underwater. Everything around me was usually a blur, but the need to run harder never dissipated.

Now I either have very strange dreams I remember for a few hours, very strange dreams I don't remember at all, or boring dreams. What I've figured out is that I don't even have a good imagination in my dream world. It's rare for me to do something in a dream that I've never done. In fact, the first time I ever remember having a risque (sp?) dream, it ended right where my experience ended. Like someone cut off the film.

It's no fun to lack imagination. :(

Hellion said...

Oh, hell no, I don't write down my dreams. They suck. I am usually being chased by a killer--only to realize it's my brother and he's killed my parents and now he's coming for me. Oh, and when I called 911, they put me on HOLD!

Or even more frightening (and disgusting) was the sex dream with Jack Black. *shudders*

Once I was chased by a T-rex...and once I was peed on by a giant.

I really don't want to write down dreams and figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Clearly I'm better off NOT KNOWING.

As for getting in the right amount of emotion--I'm not sure. I have to layer, I know. I also have to focus on not being myself and putting that into what character I'm writing because I-myself don't like emotion, don't really admit too much to having emotions, and certainly am not a fan of experiencing them. It's probably why I enjoy writing so much: I can experience emotions without judging myself because they're not my emotions--they're the character's. My characters are my handmaidens. *LOL* I try to write much like actors act: Method Acting/Writing. I have to sit and become the character and write specifically from that POV.

But in the end, I have to go back and re-layer because even when in character I automatically edit out emotion, because I don't want it documented for all prosperity. *LOL*

Marnee Jo said...

I agree about the late night writing. I was messing with my stuff late last night and got to that point where I was like, 'Wait, that doesn't even make sense.'

LOL! Time for bed then!

Hellion said...

The imagination bit reminds me of Mr. Dursley from the 1st book of Harry Potter, where he thinks to himself he hopes he was imagining things, which is something he never hoped for because he didn't believe in imagination. *LOL*

Sin said...

Irish, it's always good to see you! How you been lately?

Those are creepy dreams. I know I would probably have a heart attack if I was having a happy dream and all of a sudden looked up to Steve Buscemi... yikes.

Daydreaming is fun. I haven't had a chance to daydream in a long time.

terrio said...

I'm much better at daydreaming. Especially while I'm driving. Which is how I often pass up whatever turn I needed to make. Or get where I'm going and realize I wasn't paying attention the entire drive.

Most of my daydreaming is either creating or re-creating conversations. I've been known to get mad at someone because of the conversation I imagined we had. Then I have to remind myself that person didn't do anything wrong....yet. LOL!

Sin said...

Ter, you do not lack imagination. You lack the ability to pay attention to it since you are forever volunteering to add more stuff to your to do list. Imagination gets shoved into the dark corner of the closet. You're going to dust it off eventually. You'll see.

Most of my dreams aren't really scary. Just hard to understand. I know better than to run through the woods barefoot. That's just asking to get snake bit, but I still do it in my dreams. And the woods is the woods up at home, where the old pond used to be but the woods are fuller and the pond is still full but in a clearing instead of surrounded by trees on the banks. There aren't all about killing and murder. Scouts honor.

Hellion said...

I have those imaginary conversations--and am mad at people who didn't actually say the things they said when I was daydreaming about it. *LOL* How do you explain that without sounding completely barking?

Sin said...

Hellie, I'm sorry but I'm still trying to stop laughing at the image of you getting peed on by a giant. It's very cartoonish to me. You with your red hair all dressed up like a pirate and this giant bumbling around like an idiot peeing through his pants and very kiddish saying, "Soooorrrwwwy."

Sin said...

Ter, I once didn't talk to my best friend for two months after I had a dream she tried to seduce Mattycakes. Matt thought it was hilarious, but to me, it seemed really real. It was one of those things that I thought for sure in my heart had happened but in all reality it hadn't. Good thing my BFF is very understanding and accomidating to my weird dreams. She has them too.

terrio said...

I think the T-Rex is freaking hysterical. Mostly because now I'm seeing that commercial for the new Will Ferrell movie and he's trying to outrun a T-Rex by running a zigzag pattern. It doesn't work. LOL!

terrio said...

I wanted it noted that today *I* was the first to bring up Will Ferrell. Thank you. Thank you very much.

terrio said...

Sin - I totally understand. Once I dreamed I met George Clooney in a bar, and all I kept thinking in the dream was that I had to get an autograph for Janga. LOL! I had George-freaking-Clooney right there and THAT'S all I could think of?! I mean, I love Janga, but come on! Get outta my sexiest man alive dreams. LOL!

Sin said...

And it does that whole drop and roll action hero style to get this stick to fend off the T-Rex and it doesn't work. LOL

Sin said...

I know I read the comment and had to double check the author. LOL

haleigh said...

Wow, I apparently have the most boring dream-life ever. No peeing giants, no chasing monsters. Nada.

Now and then I'll have an off-the-wall dream I remember, but it's usually people I know just doing odd things.

But I can day-dream like nobody's business. It used to be a real problem, because like Hellie, I'd get all pissy with people for how they acted in my imagination instead of real life. Very hard to keep separate *g*. So now I day dream about characters, and all the voices in my head are much happier.

Sin said...

Sometimes I'd much rather have a boring dream life. It's not easy to rest when you're going full throttle in your dreams. I wake up tired and cranky.

I suppose we all should be thankful for the type of imagination that allows us to be able to dream and daydream in such clarity.

haleigh said...

good point, Sin *g*

terrio said...

Yes, we'll stick with calling it imagination. I like that spin.

LOL!

2nd Chance said...

A boomarang? I never have anything half as interesting in my dreams to do battle with...

A peeing giant, sex with Steve B... I'm beginning to feel like I live a very sedate dream life!

Last Chance will show up, things going on at work. Her last husband suffered from mental health issues and the two of them used to debate the entire 'what is real?' issue... Maybe she was the one living in the unreal world and his was real... Left her wondering if he might be right.

He could be very persuasive.

Yeah, day dreaming is easier. Though with lucid dreaming, I've gone the route of fighting the fights all over again, this time I get to control what is going to happen.

Janga said...

Ter, I appreciate the dream autograph, but I totally understand your frustration. LOL!

My dreams are surreal. I can't imagine how they could help with romance fiction, although I have used images from dreams in poems. Poetry is what came to mind when I read your blog, Sin, one poem in particular, Wallace Steven's "The Man with the Blue Guitar," which is about the imagination's power to transform reality.

"They said, 'You have a blue guitar,
You do not play things as they are.'

The man replied, 'Things as they are
Are changed upon the blue guitar.'"

Quantum said...

Sin said: I’m rather interested in the science behind dreams. Though, Quantam sceince is very far over my head. Maybe we should start with elementary science first. I need a tudor. *g*

I think the Tudors were pre-quantum Sin. Pre-phlogiston as well. I think you probably need an alchemist! *g*

If serious about understanding the modern view of dreams I recommend Andrea Rock's book 'The Mind at Night'. It gives a very readable over view without submerging you in neuro-science or quantum physics.

For those who have difficulty remembering their dreams, I recommend finding someone to watch you while you sleep. A husband would be ideal. Waking you after about 10-15 mins of REM sleep (rapid eye movement) usually works quite well.

As I'm on my best behaviour I'd better stop there and not comment on all the day dreamers around here!

Fascinating blog Sin! 8)

Sin said...

This stupid thing needs spell check especially early in the morning. Not only spell check, but the computer should ask me if that's what I meant. Otherwise- well.. nevermind.

Of course, Q, you would exploit my error.

I might have to look into this book. I'm making a note to look it up on amazon later.

Sin said...

Janga, I looked up said poem.

It is a very visual poem.

"The vivid, florid, turgid sky,
The drenching thunder rolling by,

The morning deluged still by night,
The clouds tumultuously bright"

I absolutely love this. Those few words paint the picture dreamlike to me, as though the very world is made of flower like petals all fitting together in this odd mix of colors and shapes. Of the world of polar opposites and standing outside under the sky.

Very visual. I want a visual dream of this nature.

Sin said...

I'm interested in Last Chance's realism conversation. Since the world is perceived as we individually see it, it's always interesting to hear different takes on how the reality of life is lived, whether in dreams or not.

2nd Chance said...

Well, Eli was manic depressive and their years together were sometimes quite tumultuous. But it gave her a certain view of the idea of reality being a fluid construct.

In her words...

"But living with a manic/depressive will give you a slightly different view of "reality". I never really had a good answer when he would ask me things like: Who are all of YOU to tell me that my world is a fantasy and there is something wrong with my brain?!? What if I'm right, and all of you are WRONG?!?! There were lots of things about his "world" I really loved and many times would have rather lived in the world he could see. To the point that I really tried to at times. His world was full of colors and magic; mine was not. I could not "live" in his world and still function in this world - holding down a job would have been pretty tough!! Sometimes I was jealous that he could really "live" there. Sometimes I felt guilty about the medication that allowed him to function in our "real" world but took some of what made him such a magical person away from him; and therefore me. So many times I wanted to throw caution to the wind and just go live out in the forest with him and be "in" his world. But I was too chicken; and too imbedded in this reality to let it go and decide reality was something else."

And, of course, she had to pay the bills, work the job... So, the reality we all know had to be the one that triumphed. Eli eventually succumbed to tumors in his lungs and Last Chance deals with the 'real' world alone now. That can be challenging enough!

I think the realms of reality vs. fantasy are extremely close... And he was right, who am I to say one is more real than the other? All I can do is live in the world I find around me...

And write my little fingers off!

Sin said...

I find this very interesting. My best friend is manic, though she's closer to the bi-polar side of manic, and though I've often listened to her wax poetic about the world as she sees it (which is slightly skewed from how I see it but not much) the world is a different place for the both of us. She sees the magic and beauty in the world that I can't see. And I see the reality of losing innocence and grip with dull existence. Not that my existence is dull, but to look at the reality of the world in its entirety, makes the world seem bland in comparrison to magic and beauty.

Sin said...

I agree though. All you can do is find the magic in your own life and live the reality you know and make.

2nd Chance said...

But the fascinating thing is this...which is the real world? Really?

*giggle

And it makes you wonder...in the manic world, the bi-polar world...would we be able to survive as well as they survive in ours?

Sin said...

I don't know if there will ever be an answer to which is the real world.

Sin said...

I think not, mostly because my perception is quite a bit different from hers. But it makes for interesteing conversations between us, which is why we can spend 6 hours debating back and forth over the smallest of topics. This is probably another reason why we've been besties for 20 years.

2nd Chance said...

I says they all be real. But I be an anarchist at heart when it comes ta the whole debate.

terrio said...

I say all of reality is a matter of perceptions and all of our perceptions are different. I also like to think that magic and beauty is everywhere in the *real* world, all you have to do is believe in it.

Janga - If Russell Crowe ever pops up in one of your dreams, get me an autograph and we'll call it even. :)

Q - My ex used to have very, I guess you'd call them "close to the surface" dreams during which I could talk to him and find out what he was dreaming. He'd tell me what he was seeing and I could ask questions that he would answer. Then one night, he dreamed he was fighting with someone and nearly punched my lights out. That was not fun.

The ultimate irony, once he started cheating, he stopped talking in his sleep. ;)

Quantum said...

I think that hard science is the best foundation on which to base perceptions of reality.

I remember that the brilliant American physicist Murray Gell Mann first introduced the maths of group theory ( SU(3) ) for classifying elementary particles. I think he won the Nobel prize for that and with tongue in cheek he called it 'the eight fold way'. A lot of new age nutters misunderstood and grabbed at the phrase to claim connections with eastern mysticism which really upset Gell Mann!

Without verifiable science you build understanding on moving quick sand. We still don't have a complete theory of mind which can precisely relate all mental states to brain activity, though it is an incredibly difficult and complex field of study so will take quite a while yet I think.

Mental illness can often be related to unusual brain chemistry or abnormal neural connections, so even though the perceptions are 'real' to the person involved, we have sufficient understanding of brain chemistry to argue that the perceptions don't always correlate with the 'objective reality' around us.

My definition of reality requires that its perception is essentially the same for everyone and abnormal conditions explain any deviations.

Having said that, Chance and Sin, I have enormous sympathy for the people coping with such distressing disorders and if it helps them to think that they are normal then thats fine by me.

Fascinating that you were able to communicate with your ex while he was dreaming Terri. Its usually thought that dream states are internal and don't respond to external stimulus.

There are some recorded cases from sleep labs though where for example, pouring water onto a sleeper introduced rain into their dream!

Heck I'm getting carried away and boring the pants of everyone.

Its my bed time here in England so I'm off to have a really nice relaxing dream...after a wee dram to assist the process. :D

Sin said...

I dunno about anyone else, but that wasn't boring, Q.

Kimberly Killion said...

Great post! However, I'm jealous of anyone who gets ideas from their dreams as I don't dream. I know, I know...everyone dreams, but I am one of those 'hard' sleepers. However, I do daydream so intensely when I'm driving that I often miss my turn. In fact, I was driving to work a couple weeks ago and missed my turn. (Been driving to the same spot for 10 years.)

Sin said...

Oh Kim! LOL. I'm one of those auto pilot drivers who will just get on a road and go to my normal place (usual work), but never because I'm daydreaming! I bet that's nice when you're bored at work and can just zone out for a few minutes. At least until the boss starts yelling.

terrio said...

I drive to the same places so often, when I do want to go somewhere else, I have to pay close attention or my car just take the normal route.

Q - That wasnt' boring at all. About that creating rain thing, mine is the alarm clock. I can't count how many times that thing goes off and I think it's a phone in my dream. I answer it but it keeps ringing. So annoying!

Kimberly Killion said...

Sin,
I teach and sometimes my student will ask me this really long, hard question, and I stare at them the whole time, and then say, "I'm sorry. Can you say all that again?" LOL

It's bad, but I have a really good time in my head. :D

2nd Chance said...

Oh! I love it when the external becomes a factor in my dreams. It is usually hilarious.

Last Chance asked me to pass on her appreciation for the comments from Q and Sin about mental illness and a perspective on what is real, what isn't real...

Reality by common consenses? I guess, but that's no fun!