Take It Back
Influence this week-
Band: Etched in Red CD: Dylate Song: Infallable
I don’t do resolutions.
In fact, right at this very moment, I can hear Hellion in the background yelling, “Anarchist!”
That isn’t the reason. I don’t do resolutions because they are the norm every New Year. No, I don’t do resolutions because I hate things that are broken with little to no effort. Not many people keep their resolutions. They are made, swept under the rug and forgotten halfway through January and not thought about again until mid-year. Then you give it another go, only to find that it’s summer and too much other stuff is going on to focus solely on the one thing you want to do the most. So you hide in underneath the bed with the killer dust bunnies until you wake up one day before Christmas and say to yourself, “WTF! It’s almost Christmas? Where did the year go!”
I’ll tell you where it went- it sped by without giving you a second glance.
That bastard.
I really worked hard too. He could’ve at least glance at my cleavage.
We’ve talked about setting goals already this year. I hate to even do these. I set a goal and I don’t reach it. I give myself another month to get there and I only fall further behind. It’s as though I slipped off the edge of the cliff and the tree root I’m clinging to is slowly slipping out of my grasp. I keep looking up, rocks hit me in the face, dirt grinding in my eyes and I’m waiting for a shadow to save me.
Sometimes you just have to give up on the shadow and save yourself.
I do three things every year. I do better than the year before. I learn one new thing and apply it in some way to my life. And, I share something of my own with someone else. Usually this doesn’t happen all at once. Last year, I went to the gym more. I learned kickboxing and used it to control my outbursts. But the last one fell out of my grasp.
So I have a new thing this year.
It is no secret that I’m a fan of Biggest Loser. This season of Biggest Loser, two former models were added to the roster. My favorite is Tara. There is energy around Tara. She’s got the willpower to change her life. She knows she can do this; she won't have it any other way. She's got the mindset to pull it all off and I LOVE that about her. One episode in and people are tired and whining and she's smiling as Jillian is kicking her ass. This girl is special.
I'm afriad people will just blow her off just because she's been typed as the "former model".
"Oh well, she had it before, I can't feel sorry for her."
People always believe that models don't really have to work It shows you everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes we lose our way when we try to overcome them and the mistakes seem to snowball.
I want her to do this. I need her to do this to make me believe it can be done. There isn’t another person before her on that show that I’ve wanted to win back her life. It’s so hard to lose something and know what it’s like to have it. When it’s just out of your grasp and you can’t see to find your way back to it. You fall further and further away from it, not only can you not reaffirm your grasp on the root holding you, there is nothing pushing you but old memories.
And old memories only get you into trouble. It’s true in every life.
So, this year my new mantra to share is- “I’m taking my life back.”
There is nothing in this year you can’t accomplish. You might feel overwhelmed at the moment, but it will change. New routines are hard to become good habits. One morning when you wake up before dawn, tired, broken, wanting to give up, just think, “I’m taking my life back.” It may not feel like it right away, but you grow and change and evolve. It’s not a quick fix, it is a lifestyle change.
Being a writer is a lifestyle change. You don’t realize it at first. Writing seeps into your veins and slowly infects you until you can’t remember a day when you didn’t think about writing. When I think about writing, I get overwhelmed at the moment. Writing is at the very bottom of my to-do list, but number one in my wants and need. I need to write in order to stay sane. I want to write to tell my story. But when I go to write, all I can hear is the sing-song voice singing, “You’ve got work to do. Neener, neener, neener.”
Well, to-do list, I’m taking my life back. Prepare yourself for a fight.
What’s on the top of your to-do list and what’s at the top of your wants and needs list? Does anyone else feel like no matter what you do, you can’t just get to solid ground? How do you get back to center?
Books by the Crew
52 comments:
Aye, Sin. I understand. I'm not a big fan of the strict resolution. I like the understated one. Not "I'm going to write a book this year." Instead, "I'm going to write more." Not "I'm going to walk everyday." Instead, "I'm going to walk more."
Granted, non specific resolutions are harder to break, but they are also easier to keep. I've felt like I've been swimming against the current for a few years now, but I'm still swimming. And that has to be enough for now.
Top of my to-do list? Do more for myself, stuff that is good for me, and good for me to do. Share more, give thanks more. Yes, live more. Taking back my life is a good one. My therapist challenged me to customize my life. I like that one, too.
Sin, My 'wants' and 'to-do' lists are one and the same.The top item never changes. Everything else may change: my environment, my beliefs, my friends and acquaintances, my work plan. my leisure pursuits...... but always at the top of the list in red letters it says "SOLVE 'IT'"
When younger it took me a while to figure out what 'IT' was, but throughout my life the concept has gradually been crystallising and has at last become clearer. 'IT' has now become 'ITE' which roughly translates as 'An integral theory of everything'
It started with Einstein and the 'unified field theory' but this eventually become entangled in string (technically 'string theory'). Now compelling evidence of paranormal phenomena, energy healing, dowsing fields, the power of mind and 'intention'....the list goes on and is gradually gaining acceptance by sceptical scientists.
The key factor missing in current scientific understanding of the world seems to be the 'information field'. Ervin Laszlo relates it to the Akashic field of Eastern Mystics and indeed some of the insights of the mystics do seem relevant to a quantum interpretation.
I think that we may be on the threshold of a breakthrough in understanding the connectedness of consciousness, mind and matter and want to be involved in that breakthrough.
Sorry....got a bit carried away there!
My mind is boggling, trying to visualise 'killer dust bunnies' under the bed. :? :lol:
I've never watched the Biggest Loser. I don't watch any shows regularly, unless you count Diego or Micky Mouse Clubhouse. So, I don't know much about the show except that the one who loses the most wins, yes?
Sin, I think taking back your life is a great goal. :) Let me know if I can help at all!
The top of my to-do list? Time management. I'm trying to learn how to do it, but my family seems to foil my attempts sometimes.
As far as finding center, I feel like I'm pretty grounded most of the time. I have had those moments/spans of time. Most of the time, in the toughest of times, I just try to remember that I don't need calm on the outside if I can radiate calm from inside.
I could be Tara. I had it once, and every year I used to say "This is the year." Not anymore. If I make resolutions I feel overwhelmed before I even start, so I promise myself that I will make better choices. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But I don't let weight define me anymore, because I'm the same person inside, reguardless.I admire Tara and all the others that can step on that scale in front of millions of people. To me, that would be the first part of winning.
My need is to be more healthy, my want is to be writing again. I also want to have a more positive out look on every aspect of my life. Negativity has ruled my life for far too long. And last but not least, enjoy more time with my family.
Great blog.
I forgot to say, great blog too! :)
Chance, customizing a life. I like that. I need to bring that into my life and make it more customized to fit my lifestyle. Which tends to be in the wicked ninja side of things.
I went back to kickboxing last night. I'm so glad I couldn't remember what the first time felt like *Hm, this holds true for lots of things, eh?* and this morning I woke up and had to roll out of bed. And it wasn't much better when I hit the floor. LOL
Q, I'm not even going to pretend that was anywhere in my league. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love when you spout off your theory stuff. I don't get that anywhere else and it makes me think about stuff other than killer dust bunnies.
I mean, you've never seen a killer dust bunny?
They have fangs that drip blood, red eyes shine from the dark. When they hop, it sounds like a rhino is coming at you full force. And the dust they leave behind... *shudder*
Marn, The Biggest Loser is the ONLY show I make time for. It gives me inspiration. I don't care if anyone says that it's all scripted. Yeah, I believe some of it is; but you can't script what I love to watch. Jillian's WHOLE team is the best she's ever had and I truly believe that Jillian is one of the best trainers they could've found for the show. She's not afraid to push- you just have to learn to push her back. And when you get to a certain point in your life, you forget that. You just trudge through life and become the doormat everyone walks over. These people need confidence and self-esteem, and if they could just learn that they are enough, then they will be.
That's a good thing to remember, babe. If you can't be calm on the outside, be calm on the inside. I'm the complete opposite. I'm complete chaos on the inside, and the picture of control on the out.
Perhaps it's too cold in England for Dust Bunnies?
Great blog. I didn't used to watch Biggest Loser but they showed a marathon while I was off with kiddo's recovery and we got hooked. I watched the first episode of the new season and you're right about Tara. Her partner was totally going to hold her back. I can't wait to see what Tara looks like at the end of the season.
Taking my life back is pretty much what I did after my divorce. I didn't say the words or even realize I was going it at first. But then I started to ffeel like I was finding the woman I was before I was married. Before I moved someplace I hated and before I twisted myself into what his family wanted me to be. It felt good to find that woman again.
Then the better I felt, the more weight I lost. I'm still not what anyone would call skinny, but I'm so much better than I used to be. I don't use the weight thing as a resolution because it has to be an everyday lifestyle thing. You just vow not to eat like an idiot and that's it.
Writing is always the last thing on my to-do list. And that list is long. Right now at the top is finishing school. Two of my last four classes started up this week and it looks like there's going to be A LOT of work to do. So I need to focus on that. And I'm working on a relationship. I'd forgotten how much time that takes. But I really think this one is going to be worth the time and effort, so I'll give it my best.
Q - I can't claim to understand all of that, but I think I got the theory regarding the connection between what we think and what happens around us. I totally believe in that. The power of the mind to do all kinds of things from something as simple as make us happy to healing cancer. I'll never understand how it works, but I fully believe it does.
Chance - Can you tell a bit about what you mean my customizing your life? I'd like to know more.
Lis, you're gonna be Tara babe! You're going to do this and it's going to be good!
Honestly, some days I wake up and I feel powerful and able to accomplish whatever I want and need to do that day. Some days I wake up and my goal for the day is to put one foot in front of the other and take one step. I'd like to think life will become more consistent, but that's unlikely. A line I have quoted here before is one I repeat to myself every day: "The saints are only sinners who fall down and get up." I'm concentrating for today on the getting up.
I felt like I'd just watched an episode of Biggest Loser. I want to kick ass and prove I can do it.
By the way, I totally love your yearly goals. *LOL* Those rock!
Writing gets put to the bottom of my to-do list, which is weird because it doesn't take THAT long for me to do laundry. Cooking can take time, I admit; and after a day at the office and an hour or two at the gym (yes, sometimes I spend 2 hours at the gym--you'd think I'd be skinnier, wouldn't you?)--all I want to do when I get home is veg on some furniture, eat my supper (which can take an hour to fix, if I'm not careful), and watch TV to unwind my brain. Then I have to get ready for the next day.
I used to have a plan for this, where I could write 20 minutes a day and it would be a good 20 minutes. I wrote like 30 minutes last night and it was the most awful, awkward writing I'd done in a long, long time. It felt like I hadn't been to the gym in years and tried to do the elliptical machine at level 10 for 60 minutes. You know, KILLER.
Captain - You should have stretched.
I don't think stretching would help. I think having my expectations in check would have helped. You can't be a couch potato and then think, "Hey, I'm going to run the Boston Marathon tomorrow" and think you'll make it when you haven't even trained for it. I haven't been training; I know this. The 5 mile runs everyday are as important or even more important than the 26 mile BIG RUN at the end. You have to show up every day and do the 5 miles or you won't finish, simple as that.
And like running, Lord did this hurt. Every word was "You are the worst writer in the world"--which was totally drowning out the calm voice going, "Don't sweat it. You're going to rewrite this like 50 times anyway" Which is fine, really, because the calm voice really isn't that reassuring if that's the crap she's saying. Reminding me I'll be rewriting this like 50 times is not a comfort.
Hellie, were you at the gym last night? I thought I saw your car after I got done in kickboxing but I couldn't ferret you out. You should've come to class, it was fun.
I say fun and really mean it was killer and I had to roll out of bed this morning- but it was fun.
Ter, I agree. Working out and being more proactive about daily life shouldn't be a resolution every year it should just be a lifestyle goal for change. I try to look at it that way. But of course, any time I take resolutions, I'm just throwing my life away because I know I won't keep them. Something about resolutions just dare me not to do them.
Congrats on taking your life back babe!
I was on the elliptical for an hour (60 minutes, 550 calories, 4 miles. Woot, woot!) watching Eagle Eye. Totally engrossed. *LOL* It was I-Robot/Minority Report/& Big Brother combined. *LOL* Man vs Machine at its finest.
I *thought* about the kickboxing, but the teacher is so darned cute...and young, she doesn't motivate me. She doesn't look like she has to try and I just kinda want to club her. You know, like a baby seal. I want to have instructors who know how hard it is to work out. And don't look like they belong to a sorority.
Yes, I'm a Hater. I admit it.
"Something about resolutions just dare me not to do them."--and this is why you're an anarchist.
I'm all giddy because my new laptop just arrived. She's soooooo purty. *glances over to her again*
Mindset is the key then. The mindset to practice or train or maintain or just pay freaking attention to what you're doing.
I'd be giddy over the new laptop...can you play with her yet?
Terrio - Customizing my life. I see it as paying attentiong to what I want and need, as opposed to what society tells me I should want and need. And making chunks of time available that are simply mine to fill with whatever I want, whatever speaks to me and my quest for spiritual connection.
It isn't as easy an assignment as it sounds, because I have to really decide what I want in my life. What enriches me.
To be honest, I don't feel like I have a handle on it yet. But I'm getting better.
BTW, glad you like the idea of Edgar... Let me redo my beginning and I'll figure out a way to send the MS to you for reading...
What color is your laptop?
Kickboxing, ellipticals...wow. And all I did yesterday was go for a long walk with a walking group...in the 80 degree weather!!! (I do wish it would rain, but not my call, so I'm going to enjoy what is here.) ;)
Captain - I turned her on and she's so BRIGHT. Man, you could see this screen from the moon. My BF asked me what I named her, so now I need to find a name. This is what she looks like > http://www.techpowerup.com/img/08-01-03/inspiron_1525_chill.jpg < I'm sure that link won't work so google image "dell laptop chill pattern" and you'll see her.
Right now I'm considering calling her Sheila. Not sure why, she just looks like a Sheila.
I need to load some software onto her tonight, so I have her plugged in right now.
Chance - That's a great assignment. And I'm sure it's not easy at all. Pre-conceived societal notions are so hard to ignore. Making chunks of time for me would be the most difficult. But most all of what I do that fills my day is to make my life better, so it's worth it. And the school stuff will stop in June. (Thank the heavens!) I tell myself life will return to normal this summer, but I'm not sure I know what *normal* is. LOL! Or that I want it!
I'd love to read your MS. Let me know when you're ready. For that, I'll make time. LOL!
Ter, you're new laptop is beautiful! ;) She does look like a Sheila, you're right.
Marn - For some reason, when I think of her as Sheila in my head, it's with an Aussie accent. LOL! Who knew a laptop could be an Aussie? (Esp one made in China. LOL!)
Sin said: I mean, you’ve never seen a killer dust bunny?
They have fangs that drip blood, red eyes shine from the dark. When they hop, it sounds like a rhino is coming at you full force. And the dust they leave behind… *shudder*
Had me worried for a moment so for peace of mind I googled to find the English variant.
Sin, you're such a tease. Those are vampire bunnies breeding under YOUR bed.
As Terri says, Its too cold for those little suckers in England.
Mine don't drip blood! *g*
Terri said: Q - I can’t claim to understand all of that, but I think I got the theory regarding the connection between what we think and what happens around us. I totally believe in that. The power of the mind to do all kinds of things from something as simple as make us happy to healing cancer. I’ll never understand how it works, but I fully believe it does.
Terri, you are one smart cookie! No-one really understands the mechanism for mind influencing the growth of cancers etc and main stream science, in the main, has simply ignored the growing empirical evidence. It couldn't be explained by standard theory so the evidence was assumed to be unreliable. Now that is beginning to change and I reckon you may see some startling advances in this area before too long. If we could only get a reliable mathematical handle on it, progress would speed up enormously. :D
Ah, that is such a pretty laptop! I had to tape some cool stuff to mine to get it to look that good! I hope you're prepared for all the oogling you'll get when you take it into public places... I have people looking over my shoulder all the time at my little thing, wanting to know what it can do. Most everthing the big boys can do!
It isn't easy to really explore what will bring contentment to life. And what will make it your unique customized life. It isn't just about routine, though lord luv a duck, I could use that! And societal pressure is nada compared to family expectations. That is a word I really despise...as brought up in a blog a few days ago.
Q - always love the exploration of science, especially when it dances a waltz with the mystics. We're all looking for the same thing, in the end...there's just so many ways to travel that path.
Janga, I have days like that too where its just a struggle to keep one foot in front of the other. As my best friend's daughter says, "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming..."
Hellie, I went into the cardio room, but I didn't see you. :( I want to see Eagle Eye as well but can't stay on the ellipical.
And you're right about the instructor. She's very.. hm, how to say this nicely... spunky? Class was a lot of fun, but I swear to God, 30 minutes in I didn't know if I'd finish and I don't think she'd even broken a sweat.
The jobs waiting for me never end...they just keep coming around over and over. My hubby and son decided to clean out the attic right after New Years. They brought boxes of things down for me to go through and now it is the house that is a mess, not the attic.
I'd rather the attic stay a mess! LOL
Gladys! Welcome to the ship!
Funny how they decide these things and then once they make the mess, it's left for you to take care of. Can't imagine what you might find going through those boxes. Never know, might be some treasure in there!
Argh! I need a drink...another rejection from Samhain with absolutely NO feedback on what I'm doing wrong or right! Where is that rum???
Man, I hate when the husband plops a box down in front of me and says, This is yours, go through it, please! Rightous homicide.
Gladys - This is something I worry about if I ever settle into a house for a long time. I lived in the same apartment for 3 years (longest I've lived in one place since I was 16!) and I had way too much stuff to get rid of. Think if I had an entire house to fill. And an attic! I shiver at the thought.
Hope they at least help you with the task.
Sorry about the rejection, Chance. I've only gotten one rejection ever and it was from Sanhain. Same thing too, no info on why.
I think Chance's Righteous Homicide thing should extend to that workout instructor. LOL!
Q, you just aren't looking hard enough ;) You might not want to look under there late at night. I'd hate to be responsible for something happening to you.
Forgot to say thanks, Chance. She is a beauty. And I didn't even think of the attention she'll get in public. Kind of like taking a really cute puppy for a walk. LOL!
*mixing up a Homicide for Chance* This is guaranteed to have you forgetting all about anything. *grin*
You probably didn't see me because I was practicing my super secret ninja skills. Hidden in plain sight.
No seriously, I cruised in at 5:58 and didn't get off the machine until 7...the theater room was gloriously empty for a change when I entered. I don't think the cardio KB had started yet; they were still gathering peeps.
Spunky might be the nice word, but I think of Debbie Reynolds when I think "spunky" and I like Debbie. I think "SORORITY" and I just don't care for her. Though I know plenty of sorority girls who are wonderful and sweet...it's just a knee-jerk reaction. *LOL*
I would have been dying within four minutes then. Lovely. I did her abs class; and it was good--and it killed me. My abs hurt for like three days. She just doesn't have the same teacher skills as Sue does. Or Sue the Kickboxing Teacher had. I mean, Sue the Kickboxer was thin and blonde, but she wasn't PERKY.
Let's kidnap a Samhain editor and set Jack loose on 'em, demand some esplanations...
S'true, longer ya live in the same location, more stuff ya get and 'ave to go thru. I been in the same homeport fer nearly 10 years...the house be bursting with stuff...
*sniffle, sniffle
I'm gonna go sulk in the corner with me rum bottle...
NO, Sue the Kickboxer was kick ass. I loved that woman's ability to be so fun.
'tanks fer the Homicide, Sin...Nice. Ver' wicked. I ferget, why did I wan' this???
Perky? I don' trust perky... 'member the female counselor in Addams Family Values??? Scary. Perky be code for possessed by the devil..
This drink menu gets better everyday.
I don't trust perky either. Makes me twitchy.
Dudes, I'm perky.
Seriously.
*sly grin*
Dude, we know you're possessed by the devil on a regular basis. And inexplicably you call him "Mattycakes" too.
Like 'ell. Yer sneaky, cunnin', gracefully unbalanced... but perky? Nah, don' see it...
*snort
'ell, where I put me shamwow? Keyboards a mess now...
Ah! I can't catch up on all the comments! You guys are always waaaaay too quick for me! But I think I'm going to print off the quote and stick it in my cube. Great advice.
I had to miss last night's episode of TBL but I know exactly who you're talking about and she's my favorite too! I really, really want her to do this. I was crying during the entire first episode. I think TBL is one of the best shows ever. I really do.
Chance you have to ask Hellion about the shamwow. I think she made a slipcover for her hammock with yours.
Stephanie! I know! Gosh, when Tara was standing up there crying and then they weighed her in for the weigh in and she lost 21 lbs, I lost it.
Last night in a nut shell- glad Tara won immunity at the challenge otherwise she'd be gone. :(
'kay. Never watched TBL. Sorry, Sin. Don' watch any a' the reality based shows. Well, save fer Top Chef and sometimes Project Runway... Fer the cookin' and sewin' not the bickerin' and bitchin'.
But I can 'preciate what TBL folks put themselves thru. Hard enough ta lose in private!
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