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Thursday, June 5, 2008
Killing Me Softly With Character
He placed the shot glass on the bar in front of Lacey. She stared at the liquid enemy until the bartender interrupted her thoughts.
“Shot of bourbon straight up, right?”
Lacey’s gaze slid to his then back to the offensive liquid in front of her.
“Yes, thank you.”
The bartender shrugged his shoulders and continued down the bar waiting on other customers.
Her hand shook as she reached toward the glass. It seemed as if she waited her entire life for this moment. To any unsuspecting person she would appear as a woman seeking a drink in a local bar; but it was far more. It was her 21st birthday, and her day to taste what her mother loved more than her.
She brought the glass to her lips and in one swallow, the liquid demon disappeared. She placed the glass back on the bar as the sting of the bourbon took her breath. Her eyes watered as she felt the heat slowly invade her body like a sickness. A calm feeling washed over her, and the hooks of the drink sank deep in her soul.
A school counselor once told her the alcohol didn’t influence her mother, it was the addiction. But, it was easier to hate something substantial, and visible. She didn’t need intangible evidence of why her mother never loved her, she needed something to hold. Now that something was coursing through her bloodstream, trying to convince her that she would love it just as much as her mother, if only she would give it a chance.
She quickly slid off the bar stool and headed for the restroom, she barely cleared the door before she spewed the liquid from her stomach. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and walked over to the chipped sink barely hanging on the wall. She rinsed her hands and mouth and caught her gaze in the broken mirror above the sink. Her eyes were still haunted; she hadn’t found the answer she was seeking from her little experiment.
Did she really believe that with one drink she would understand why her mother never told her she loved her? Why she wasn’t a homeroom mother, even though she never worked an honest day in her life? Why she stopped off at a bar, the night of Lacey’s high school graduation for some liquid courage and never saw her deliver her speech as the Valedictorian of Valley High?
Lacey’s mother watched her seventeen-year-old daughter leave home because she couldn‘t bear staying afloat in the tide of her mother’s demons one more day.
For the first time in years, tears silently flowed from Lacey’s eyes. Tears suppressed because it would give the alcohol more power.
Lacey looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her face divided by the broken crack in the middle of the glass. She began laughing uncontrollably through the tears. How could one small crack define her?
The laughter died on her lips as the truth of the moment settled around her. She was broken, and no matter how she tried to repair the crack all the hate kept seeping through, over and over again.
She reached up and covered the crack from end to end, but the rough edges brushed against her palm reminding her that she was only hiding the pain.
She dropped her hand at her side. The crack reappeared, and the vulnerability she felt resurfaced. But in its wake was an underlying current of anger.
It was time to stop living for what could never be, and wishing for a do over. Life was a one-time deal, and she was in control. She could ask herself why for the rest of her life, or choose to put the negative energy behind her.
By facing a shot of bourbon, she had already started.
We all experience a gamut of emotions throughout our lives. Whatever we deal with in everyday life provides us with a source to channel when we write. I deleted the previous scene from my WIP because I thought it contained too much back-story to work in my overall story. I may work it in at some point, but it isn’t time wasted. It was a difficult scene to write, because I have never experienced that kind of anguish. Allowing myself to get inside Lacey’s skin at that moment was a stretch for me, but sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct and become one with the pain.
Even in scenes that will probably never see print, I learn so much about myself as a writer. I struggle daily to get a handle on my characters, and make them appear as if they are real flesh and blood. It’s not always an easy task, because it’s hard to know how to keep a reign on someone that can easily get out of hand from scene to scene. I find myself backtracking in my scenes, comparing one set of actions to the next, hoping for consistency. This in itself is a chore, especially when my heroine is dealing with emotional circumstances that are all over the scale. I want to transfer personal emotion to my characters, but not personal reactions. I want it to be about them, not about me. Sometimes this is easier said than done, a perfect example of why I try to create a character that has a life much separated from mine. Thus bringing back the issue of not being able to fit into my character’s shoes. Building characters is hard work, with one wrong reaction I can damage the work of previous chapters. But I have to admit it’s nice to come home from a days work and slip into the skin of a supermodel with a hot mysterious man from her past wrecking havoc on her life, and a handsome senator acting as her boyfriend. Now that’s the kind of anguish I like to channel.
How do you keep your characters consistent throughout your WIP? Do you channel personal emotional circumstances when writing angst, or do you try to relate to your character without personal involvement? Do you follow a character sketch, and refer to it while writing?
Labels:
characters,
emotion,
Powder Monkey's Ponderings (Lisa),
WIP
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27 comments:
That scene is powerful writing Lisa.
As a nurse I imagine you must observe many outbursts of emotion while undertaking your duties. In my brief hospital visits as a patient I found that many in my ward were keen to talk about their most intimate problems as a way of releasing stress. I guess Dr Q had more time on his hands than the professional staff!
Do you build libraries of scenes like this one, that you can use as templates when the words don't flow naturally? If you didn't want any of them you could perhaps set up a lending library for lesser mortals. :idea:
Lis - this is beautiful. I love the things I've read about Lacey, I can't wait to read her whole story and watch her get her HEA.
As far as keeping characters consistent, I'm not sure I do. I don't think I'll be able to know for sure until I finish my story and start revising. My character's motivations have only become the most clear to me in the past 100 pages. So, ask me again in another couple months, when I *hopefully* get this thing finished. :)
Q -you are so right. Patients and visitors in a hospital can pour out their souls at the bedside, in the cafeteria, or the waiting area. I think sickness promotes the need to share stress and emotion.
I'm glad you felt the power behind the scene, I must have done something right! I do have a file full of discarded scenes, but I hold on to them, so I can pull them out when my muse takes a nose dive:) It would be nice to share a lending library between writers, but our work is kind of sacred and personal to our voice, might not work in the long run:)
Marnee- Thanks babe! I think I worry too much about consistancy and I need to stop fretting and catch the inconsistancies in the edit process. I'm so excited that you are almost finished with your WIP. It must be a great feeling.
If that's what you cut, I can't wait to read what you keep! That's so powerful. Imagery and emotion that bounce off the screen.
Consistency is my problem right now. I cannot devote enough continuous time to my WIP in order to stay consistent. Which is why I'm hoping to knock out tons of pages over the next twelve weeks or so. That's my goal for the summer, to find some routine and stay with it. Write something everyday.
And you're where I was this time last year. I was so worried about making sure every page I wrote so far was perfect, I couldn't move forward. You need to take up Hellion's AS IF philosophy. Then when you get to the end, you can go back and focus on the consistency. I'm betting you'll find there won't be as much to fix as you think.
*slapping hand* Bad Pirate.
I know I need to always reiterate "AS IF" until it's a subliminal message.
Thanks Terrio, for the compliment and making me feel as if I can write now and worry later:)
It's a mind game, Lis. LOL! And I don't always win. But I'm getting better.
It's helps that Aunty Cindy made me promise NOT to revise one word of what I have done until I get to THE END. She threatened really. It was kind of scary. LOL!
As always, you blow me away.
For me, if I think of something I write it. Usually if it's not written out, it bugs me until it's the only thing I can focus on. So regardless if it will work in the WIP, it's written. I have a folder on my pin drive that collects these pieces and usually I never refer back to them. Maybe if something I'm working on in a particular scene strikes me but usually it's used emotion. Doesn't work well to plant it into something I just wrote. Emotion in my scenes are mirrored from my own. I write as I would go through the motions.
I have a character sketch of Sadie. Haven't referred to it since I did it.. LOL
Wow! With Terri, if this is what you culled, I can't wait to read what you kept.
I do character sketches, though rarely do they mean much. Mostly I end up writing scenes out of order. I'll want to do a scene, something "fun" and I'll slip into the skin of one of my characters and let them cut loose...and that tells me who they are. And mainly, I just get to the end of the story, then I have to go back through and see which parts are inconsistent and how to fix that.
I think mainly I know their one NEUROSIS, what little life obsession that influencing everything else in their life. For Lacey, it's her mother and her addiction to alcohol, which even when her mother is not in her life, still haunts her. For Livie, it's her tendency to be a Self-Fulfilling Prophet--always believe the worst because that's what's going to happen; and invariably, that's exactly what does happen. And Lucy, he's got major Daddy issues and anything he can do to get Daddy's attention (either good or bad, but typically bad), he'll do it.
Wow, great passage.
I don't know if I'm far enough along to tell if my characters are consistent but it is something that's on my mind, especially because I keep stopping and starting and I can't tell how much the characters have changed each time I sit at the computer. There's death and deception in my novel which is a challenge to write about as I've neither experienced and kind of very close death nor had dealings with very sketchy characters. But it's fun to get in there and I do learn a lot!
Sin, ditto:)
I see what you're saying about filing things away and never referring back to the scene once it is written and dumped. I opened a folder last night that I wrote over two years ago, different characters and different story, and the difference in my writing style shocked me. I guess when you write in the moment you don't see the over all journey you take as a writer.
I saw JR Ward explain this in an interview once and it stayed with me. Writing a book is like building a house one brick at a time. Only you're doing it with your nose pressed against the wall. As a result, you can't see the entire thing so you're building and building but can't see the finished product until you're done.
I'm not sure I'm paraphrasing right to explain as well as she did. The point is, we're writing blind. Plotter or panster, you can never see the entire thing at one glance. So just keep building and if you have five walls instead of four when you're done, you can always take one down. Or add three more. LOL!
H-Do you ever write a particular passage about Livie and you feel like you're really inside her skin, and the next day reread the passage and you think 'where the hell did that come from, it is so not how she would react?' That's my issue right now, I don't know Lacey well enough to predict her actions it's like writing blind, and seeing where she takes me.
Stephanie, Thank you!
I think it is a fun process to learn your characters.I've caught myself in certain life situations and I stop and ask myself what would Lacey do? LOL
T- I hope you stick to Cindy's plan, if you do you're a better pirate than me.
Lisa, very powerful and very insightful scene. I love the cracked mirror comparison. Like the others, I'm looking forward to reading the rest.
Ooh, I love that analogy, Terr. That's very apt. I think Ben & Livie live in a pentagon! (Not THE pentagon. It's not that kind of story.)
Lisa, hmmm, I don't remember. Livie does "express herself" more self-destructively than I typically do, so sometimes when I read scenes where she finally cracks and explodes, I kinda wonder: would anyone do that? But that's pretty much her character. She's someone who doesn't confront her own feelings, let alone others, and when she's finally forced to confront people--she does it very very poorly. *LOL*
Since my weakness (one of them!) is creating the setting, Bryan & Celi don't have any walls at all. LOL!
Nice scene Lisa! You always do imagery so well!
Terri - great analogy! I'm a plotter (I love outlines!) but even with that, I often still feel like I'm writing blind. Glad to know I'm not the only one :)
I'm 50k words into my WIP, and I feel like I'm just now getting to know these characters as well as I should. So there's no consistency, because I just didn't know them well enough in the beginning to be consistent. I did character sketches at the beginning, but now that I know so much more about them both, I could probably do completely new character sketches.
And my plot is so convoluted that I'm afraid when I'm done and step back, I'm going to find seven walls and two roofs :) That's what edits are for, right?
And ps - I am loving Lacey, Lisa! Can't wait to read more about her
Hal - so you're building a mansion. Nothing wrong with that. LOL! And you are definitely not alone.
I agree that there's lots of power in that scene, Lisa. I also agree that sometimes we have to write scenes that won't be part of the story in order to have the story go where it needs to go, so either way your work is not wasted.
I am mostly a panster, but I do write fairly detailed character bios early in the process. That strategy evolved out of the character interviews we did on the EJ board(as it was then). Even so, my characters do things that surprise me. I'm not so sure that complete consistency is desirable anyway. I think it was Emerson who said, "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." :)
Real people aren't always consistent anyway...actually we're walking contradictions. And never mind the "do as I say not as I do" routines we do.
Who was the guy who said if you wait long enough people will surprise you (in a good way)?
T- I love Jr Ward's analogy, that is awesome. Thanks for sharing.
Misty Jo- Thank you I appreciate you stopping by.
Janga- You are such a wonderful soul. You always have a provoking thought or quote for every instance. Thank you for the insight into humans being humans. We are inconsistant, I'm just trying to avoid Lacey appearing bipolar:)
Hal- You're WIP is wonderful, I read chapter eight and I think you have a wonderful handle on your characters. I'm sure your plot issues will iron out as you progress. Thank you for the encouragement:)
Lisa, I wrote so many scenes in LAYLOM that I never used--most of it was before I started writing the book.
I think you just have to write Lacey and see where she takes you. Most people aren't consistent--especially when it comes to stressful situations and l-o-v-e.
And Hellion, I love how Livie confronts people but that's mostly because she erupts like I do. So, yes, it does happen. Though I tend to hold it all in and then when I erupt, I'm like but you never gave me that last bit of chocolate! LOL
*LOL* Yeah, we never get mad or yell about the thing that's truly making us mad. It's always something else, completely irrational. *LOL* Been there, done that.
Oh yeah, I remember all those fights about how to correctly load the dishwasher and not putting the lid back on the pan of Hamburger Helper after taking your second helping and letting the stuff dry up in the pan. Those fights were never really about that stuff at all.
And Janga makes a good point. (I type that a lot.) If the character didn't change in his/her reaction to things, then he/she isn't changing and there' no arc. So consistency is good but not the ultimate goal. Not in everything anyway.
In other words, I'm using "but the character is changing" as my excuse when someone points out my heroine isnt' consistent. :)
Terri's reference to J.R. Ward's building analogy reminded me of a quote, but I could not remember all of it. It took some time to find it.
“When you are in the middle of a story, it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion, a dark roaring, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood, like a house in a whirlwind, crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it. It's only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all, when you are telling it to yourself, or to somebody else.”
Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace
I should add that Atwood's words are from the pov of a participant in a story, but I think the words apply to writing a story as well.
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