Running Naked in Public
Well, the Captain spoke about sex scenes on Tuesday. But, as I’m in the middle of writing my first one and that’s all I’ve been able to think about this week, I’m piggy-backing off her blog. (I know, PIRATE!).
I said that my sex scene is all I’ve been able to think about this week, but that’s kinda not the truth. I have spent this entire week trying not to think about my sex scene.
It actually started last week. I knew the scene was coming, but I’d been hoping when the time came, I could just go with the flow and let it take me.
Alas, that is not what has happened.
I got to “the point.” You know, where we (me and my characters) knew it was time for them to get it on. I got the whole scene set up the equivalent of writing foreplay, very romantic, but then, the awkwardness came.
I thought such things were left to real life first time encounters, but I was mistaken.
What do they do? How do they really feel about each other? If they were real people, how would they be reacting in this situation?
I didn’t know either.
I started to doubt myself. What if I’d been writing a romance novel and my characters weren’t even that into each other? It’s like that relationship where you invest all this time getting to know the other person on a metaphysical level only to find that they just don’t “do” it for you.
Wait, has that only happened to me? I digress.
Mostly, I fear writing my sex scene because I’m afraid that while I’m tearing down all the boundaries between my characters and stripping them raw for all the world to see, that I’m perhaps breaking down barriers between myself and every single person who reads my work.
I am silly, sarcastic my fair share of the time, and self-deprecating more often than not. When I write these things, I doubt I’ll be able to hide behind all that. Will people be able to see ME in my words?
In other words, am I doing the writing equivalent of running naked in public?
My answer: maybe. Probably a little, but maybe not. Who knows? And I don’t think we as writers can ever worry about it or we’ll paralyze ourselves, shut ourselves off from our readers and make our writing ineffective. If we want to connect with readers, we need to find those things that strike a universal chord. And love, well, that’s a big one, the one that’s most important to me. And sex, well, sex in my sex scene, if it’s with the right person (and my characters have found the right people) it should showcase love and get me closer to that goal.
Have you ever written a sex scene and if so, how’d it go? How about streaking? Not interested in that topic? Ok, well, how about telling me what about writing makes you feel the most vulnerable?
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35 comments:
Marnee,
Had to jump in on this one. Writing sex scenes isn't everyone's cup of tea (do you use that phrase?). I've written a few now and yes I suppose it is a bit like stripping yourself bare, but so is all writing, isn't it? Or am I being too simplistic?
Yes, your love scene draws on your own personal imagination and experience and emotions but that doesn't mean you're writing YOUR love scene. It's THEIR'S. Your characters. Of course there will be readers who think they're reading something autobiographical. Let them! If people want to think my life is more exotically exciting than it is that's up to them. Though I must admit it makes me giggle.
The only way I can write a love scene is NOT to think of other people reading it. I have to concentrate on the characters.
Marnee, if you're having trouble writing this scene, could it be that you're focused on the physical and not the emotional? Just a thought. Good luck running naked...
Annie
Annie has a valid point. Marnee, I love writing sex scenes. But when I first started writing them, I forgot to make my characters really feel it, to feel that love, to feel lust, to feel emotion.
I think emotion is the key to writing a good story. I like to think I've accomplished it, but it took me a few tries on ITN [read four] because you do have to dig deep, and I don't mean kinky deep but metaphysically deep.
And I love working my way up to the sex scenes [note above] i love writing them, because you are making your characters vulnerable and ripping open their emotions for the reader to see.
They are not me, they are my characters. And I like I've built their life, their conflict, I've built a world completely unique to them that allows them to take on the scenes themselves.
Hmmm.... that reads as mumbo jumbo... I don't feel as though I'm streaking, these are my characters. Not me. Though you have to allow a certain part of yourself to surrender to the characters and story and let them dig deeper without holding back. It's a release of emotion, not seed. I assure you, the voices in my head tell me these are two very different things--yet connected. :)
It's too early for this, I'll try and pop on later!
I think it made a huge difference that I wrote my first sex scenes for a short story Erotic Romance instead of having my *first time* be in my full length WIP. After you get through the first one, they get easier to do. For me anyway.
Now, I've let some people read my short story and there is that voice in my head that says, "They are going to think that's you!" But you have to let it go. It's called fiction for a reason. LOL!
I do like the idea that in the full length story, the sex scenes are really just a small part and buried deep in the pages. If the reader just reads that sex scene, totally out of context and not *knowing* your characters, then it would be strange and they wouldn't get it. But the loves scenes happen in context and by the time the reader gets to that point, they are invested in the characters and the idea an author is involved is forgotten. At least that's what I'm hoping will happen. *g*
Here are my 3 tips for writing a sex scene:
Metaphors are our friends
Use all senses
Focus on emotional responses not "he put his X in Y and she put her A on his B."
My poor poor husband. He gets those questions, the ones where people ask him if his wife is writing about HIM in the all of the sex scenes.
JK - that's hilarious! I bet my DH'd be like, "OF COURSE! I'm awesome!" LOL!!
Annie - Thanks for the input and thanks for hanging with us yesterday! I think I was afraid of focusing on the physical. So, to make sure I didn't, I started reading back through and making sure there was chemistry there. Then I hoped I could work on their emotional responses. I'm hoping that works. But, I'm definitely going to try to just think I'm along, watching them make out in my head. (Wait, that didn't sound right....)
Tiff said: "I assure you, the voices in my head tell me these are two very different things–yet connected." I think you're right. I need to just get over it. I've written the rest of it knowing they are seperate. This shouldn't be any different.
Ter - Good advice. I liked the advice the other night too. "Use as little reality as possible." LOL!!
I love the "use as little reality as possible"--that's such a Pirate Quotable, right there.
I'd rather streak, myself. But then again, making myself emotionally vulnerable in any of my scenes: sex, black moment, just a regular old tension scene...I do feel like I'm putting my emotions out there, even if they are UNIVERSAL emotions and even if the characters aren't me (shut up, Terri).
Still haven't re-written my sex scene. But Ely gave me some awesome ideas of how to jazz up my chapters 2 and 3! I might be able to fix the really crappy boring part I was upset about!
And I think Marnee hit it for me. Here I've emotionally invested in these characters after all this time--what if it doesn't work between them, here, at a rather crucial, basic level?
And it's never occurred to me to worry that my characters might be bad in bed. Thanks for putting that damn thought in my head. Crap.
Feel free to put that on a bumper sticker. *bows with little grace*
Having a character suck in bed might be mildly hilarious. Maybe they suck because they haven't found the right partner yet?
My first sex scene was in a fan fiction where the hero was pissed off that the heroine trashed is porsche, ditched her cell phone and stungunned a carjacker in the crotch. She starts smart mouthing him and he pushes her against a wall. Voila. First sex scene I ever wrote and I had no idea what I was doing. I figured, hm, when you don't know what you're doing, fake it. And that's what I did. LOL
That's true, Sin. Dak in Guns Will Keep Us Together isn't that great at first and then he has to "pull it together"--and that was hilarious.
Clearly it's MY hangup that my characters will be bad in bed, and everyone will go, YEP, Hellion wrote this because she too is bad in bed!
Seeing as none of us have been in bed with nor will we ever (if there is a God), I doubt we could base our judgements on that.
I loved when Dak talked to little Dak. LOL! Scolded him really. That was too funny.
Sin - fake it were two words that described my life for YEARS. I deserve a merit badge for that. Or an Oscar...
And if this is the first time for the characters, which I'm thinking for Marn it is for the heroine, shouldn't it be a bit awkward? Eloisa James works that awkward often funny part into first time encounters very well.
I think it makes it more real and makes the second (and third and fourth and tenth) time even better.
That's okay. I've always made it with talkers. They'll tell you.
Though, to be fair, I couldn't really recommend them either.
I agree with Terri that writing the first sex scene is the most difficult. I struggled much less with those that followed. What did catch me by surprise is that each one, at least in emotional terms, is unique because the H/H are in a different place in their relationship each time.
This makes me think of a question about contemps vs. historicals. In historicals, traditionally, the heroine (sometimes the hero) is a virgin. But in contemps, often both are experienced. At least it's rarely their first time. Which is more difficult to write?
I'd say historicals but that's because writing anything historical feels more difficult to me.
Writing a virgin for me would almost be impossible. which is why I stay away from historicals. I like my heroines outspoken and dangerous. Not much room for that in a Regency.
But Sin, you could start a new trend. LOL! And Annique in Bourne's The Spymaster's Lady is definitely dangerous. Though she's the exception to the rule.
Yes, but I doubt the "f" bomb would be permissionable.
Cap'n - I think that fear, of them not connecting on that basic level, is definitely there and lingering. That's why I want to prepare the best I can for this, so I don't have to recover from their bad experience. LOL!!
Sin - I like fake it if you don't know what you're doing. Very pirate-like. :)
I'm nothing if not a resourceful ninja pirate.
I'm not getting drawn in to this....never know where it might end!
I do like Terri's idea of using algebra though. X must be the unknown and by manipulating symbols one can find what your looking for...maybe.
Yes ladies, my advice is to be more cerebral and less physical.
Boy am I glad I had that scotch!
Ter - It is her first time, not his obviously as he's widowered. But, that's another aspect I want to get right. The whole, I've never done this before balanced with the I'm a superwitch with a healthy dose of, I know you don't really want to marry me.
Sheesh.
Janga - I think that's a good thing to remember, the circumstances surrounding each one is unique and should be dealt with as such.
Now, I just have to figure out the nuances of the circumstances and Viola, love scene.
Q - thanks for your input, though I doubt my heroine or hero spouting algebra in the love scene would be appropriate. Maybe some other hero.... *writing that in my notes for later use*
Marnee - I think Q was trying to say solve for X and you'll find your answer. *g*
Terrio - thumbing through her Quantum to English dictionary.
I have written lots of sex scenes. It's not my favorite thing to write, but sometimes I enjoy writing a smoking hot, set the bed on fire scene.
Writing and connecting with my characters is giving me the most trouble at the present time.
Lis - I think writing and connecting with our characters is a book long process. I'm sure you're doing great.
Ter - see? I'm an English major. I get confused when letters mean things beyond letters.
*sigh* sorry, Q.
Wait, they may not be good in bed together? Oh crap.
I'm at the first full sex scene, and I'm having all the same hesitations you are, Marnee. They've almost had sex twice before - as in, he has her half naked and his hands down her pants and they're interrupted. I think if I stop them again my hero might just rebel entirely. Poor guy.
Q- did you suggest we use our heads more during the moment? *grin*
Hal, you're a ball buster.
Crumbs, I think I'm starting to blush just thinking of Haleigh's tale.
Don't worry Marnee...we can't all be mathematicians. I do hope I'm not getting kinky though.I rather like the idea of the heroine spouting algebra at the climax....I can understand that.*g*
Terri, If I should ever attend an American Romance Conference I will definitely invite you along as my translator :wink:
Marnee, I've written a couple of love scenes and one or two sex scenes. This is my advice: forget about yourself. Don't think about "What do I do?" or "What do people think about when they 'do' it?" Instead, stop thinking and just feel. More emotion and less logic. More fantasy and less reality. This is fiction so go for what you want life to be instead of what it is. (Often. Unfortunately.)
Suppose some woman sat beside a man she wanted to be with on the sofa. What would she like him to say? To do? If he touched her hand, what might she feel? Would she shiver at his fingers on hers or want to pull away (in which case, you've got a really, really short sex scene). Does he wear a scent? If so, is it something that she likes? Does she want to lean closer to take more in with each breath? Would she want to see his body? Touch his body? Taste his body? Have her emote those wishes.
Same with the guy--they do have fears and desires beyond the strictly physical, despite much evidence to the contrary.
Don't worry about Tab A fitting into Slot B. :) Women are turned on by emotion and fantasies first. Work on that part of the scene and I'll bet the physical falls into place.
Just my two cent's worth!
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