It's Tuesday, It Must Be Time for a Parody
1. There was no topping my last week's blog and I couldn't bear to try and fail2. I'm going a conference this week: Chicago Spring Fling. I'm pitching to an agent (wish me luck); and my pitch still isn't perfect. I haven't even practiced. I haven't even packed. Heck, I don't even have a pair of black casual business pants that fit. Okay, I might by the time you read this because I was supposed to have bought them last night. So I ran out of TIME.
3. I miss my ridiculous parodies, don't you?
4. I've been listening to Stairway to Heaven and was totally inspired by the guitar riff. I always find it entertaining when people learn the guitar, STH is always one of the first songs learned. Or the REASON they're learning.
5. I'm very sacrilegious.
Therefore, without further excuses: Stairway to Heaven, by Hellion.
There's a writer who's sure all her writing is gold
And she's trying her best to be published
And when she gets there she dreams of tours with alpha themes
With a query she’ll get what she’s hoping
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's trying her best to be published
There's a letter in the mail but her dreams feel so frail
And you know sometimes letters don’t bear good news
In a class by a Kook, there's a saying that’s said:
The only thing you can’t fix is a blank page
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's trying her best to be published
There's a feeling I get when I look at my WIP
And my book is crying for completion
In my thoughts I’m verklempt of the dreams I have dreamt
And the voices who beg for their stories
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's trying her best to be published
And it's whispered that quick, if we make our words stick
Then the agent will lead us to publication
And a new reign will rise for those with the guts to fly
And the TIMES will echo with ratings
And it makes me wonder
If there's an error in your plot now
Don't be alarmed—it’s allowed
It's just a practice for the Big Time
Yes there are two ways you can write by
but in the long run
You’ll likely change the plot you’re on
Your head is buzzing and it won't stop, the caffeine’s tops
Your CPs are calling you to join them
Dear writer can’t you hear the words flow, and did you know
Your publication lies from deep within
And as we write on down our WIPs
Our stories falling from our lips
There stands a writer we all know
Who shines Big Time and’s rollin’ in the dough
And doesn’t even shovel her own snow
And if you listen very hard
The truth will come to you at last:
Writing’s hard so just deal;
It’s work to put down all you feel.
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's trying her best to be published
There's a writer who's sure all her writing is gold
And she's trying her best to be published
And when she gets there she dreams of tours with alpha themes
With a query she’ll get what she’s hoping
And she's trying her best to be published, uh uh uh.
Forgive me if I'm not around today. I'm trying to be a rock and not to roll. Wish me luck in accomplishing all the tasks I've been putting off. What songs inspire you in your writing? Anyone like me and adore Adam Sandler when he'd do parodies on Saturday Night Live?
Books by the Crew
60 comments:
Hellion, you actually made me do some research on STH, which of course I remember in its original incarnation, oldie but goodie that I am. Super good luck this weekend. I'm proud of you.
I don't generally listen to music when I write. Maybe I should.:)
True Hellion fashion! you are a riot in the morning... but what does verklempt mean? lol! OR did it just rhyme?
Hellion, once again, amazing! I'm not sure when you're doing your pitching but my thoughts and prayers will be with you all week and, barring any unforeseen complications, I'll see you Saturday!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Stairway to Heaven. Reminds me of the first boy I kissed, though of course I appreciate the song way more than that loser. :)
Wonderful Hellion, as always.
Have you pitched before? Are you nervous? I am dreading that. I have a feeling when I get around to it that I'm going to flub up bad. I tend to babble when I am nervous. I bet I'll sound like a fool.
How do you (or does anyone) put together a pitch? Anyone have any advice?
I never thought I'd read out blog and hear Robert Plant's voice in my head, but you did it! LOL! Now to just get Jimmy to play behind you.
Tiff - verkempt is Yiddish. It's sort of like being all choked up or blocked. And that's another word I never thought you could fit into the blog. I should have known better.
Speaking of songs inspiring us, I got a brand new book idea from a song this weekend. While driving of course. I'm not even sure what the song is called but it's country (big shocker!) and the lines are something like:
I've got a cold beer in my right hand
In my left I've got my wedding band....
So I have an opening with a drunk woman sitting in a bar twirling her engagement ring and declaring that boys are stupid. LOL! We'll see where it goes from here.
Marnee - I've pitched and it's not that big a deal once you do it the first time. I told the Captain it's sort of like sex. You put it off because you're so nervous and it seems like such a big deal, then once you do it it only takes about a minute and afterward you ask yourself what the heck was the big deal about that?!
See, it's just like sex. LOL!
Terri - ROTFLMAO!!!!
STH reminds me of my high school prom. I remember thinking if it doesn't end soon I'm going to collapse. The boy I was dancing with definately wasn't heaven:)
I'm like Maggie, I don't listen to music when I write. Too much distraction.
I'm with Marnee, I don't have any idea how to prepare for a pitch, not that I have anything to pitch at the moment.
Love your blog H, and I wish you all the best with your pitch. Knock em dead Babe! And try and keep Sin in line, will ya?
Me? In line?! HA!
You must be dreamin'!
Ter - what a wonderful analogy. Of course, we gotta jump in the gutter to explain stuff always. But, as always, it explains things perfectly. I know exactly what you mean.
LMAO!
Verklempt was used by Mike Myers all the time on SNL. Choked up with emotion.
I suppose this blog could have been more productive if I'd focused it around pitching, but I would have had to have used my examples--and it would have made me depressed and more twitchy.
Currently my one-liner pitch is:
A Plain Jane puts her love and trust in a divorced charmer, then must unravel the mystery of the woman who nearly kills him.
EXCEPT: that makes it sound like a mystery--and it's less a mystery than a WHYDUNIT and a AMIANIDIOTTOHAVEMARRIEDHIM story. Though, that's hard to put in a one-line pitch.
I believe pitches (the one-line variety) need to state the story--and the irony. It's the irony that's key.
Regency Miss falls in love with a sensible gentleman, but learns he is engaged to the companion she is staying with.
Embittered barber seeks revenge against those who parted him from his wife, but ends up accidentally killing her himself.
You know how I am in a group of people.
I swore I'd try to behave. *snickering*
Hellion, brilliant as always. STH always reminds me of high school. Bonfires. Boys being stupid, getting drunk and fighting. And making out. Ah, STH you never steered me wrong whilst a beer was in my hand.
LOL
Good grief, is that Sweeney Todd? Sounds uplifting.
Hmmm... I've got to give this a shot. Will work on it and see what I come up with....
Irish - I assure you the comparison is accurate. LOL!
And I can't wait to hear how Sin ran around talking to everyone. I just know this is the trip that will bring her out of her proverbial shell. LOL!
Did you find pants last night? I almost called but I didn't want you to murder me.
You could always just change the line to exactly what you just said.
It's a WHYDUNIT about a plane Jane who puts her love and trust in a divorced charmer then has to figure out if she was an idiot for marrying him after a crazy woman shoots him during their honeymoon.
There you go...LOL!
Hellion,
Awesome blog, as usual.
Hope you have a great time at the conference. I am sure you will be amazing during your pitch.
Terri-
LOL!!
Di
I totally plan on hiding behind Hellion as much as possible and watching everything that goes on from afar. It will be hard to hide behind Hellion because I'm about *cough* 7 inches taller *cough* than her, but I always make myself seem smaller.
Hellion, I forgot to mention that I loved Adam Sandler on SNL. Of course, I love Billy Madison too. And Happy Gilmore. But I love "Lunch Lady"
"Slop-sloppy joes. Slop-sloppy joes." LMAO
Can you just not outright say it's a whodunit about a Plain Jane, who puts her love and trust in a divorced charmer?
Sin - good luck with that hiding thing. You do realize you will have both Hellion and Dee pushing your ass in front of them?
And I LOVE the Lunch Lady song!!!
I'm gonna make like a tree at the conference.
Ick, pants shopping. Ick any kinda shopping right now. I hope you had better luck than I have recently.
Wait, it's not supposed to be a whodunit.
Damn, I knew I needed coffee this morning.
And pants shopping is one of those seven rings of Hell you always talk about. I'd rather shop for a girdle. Which coincidentally I need to shop for pants...
And we expect pictures! Especially if Sin is doing tree impersonations. That should be real inconspicuous.
I refuse to pant shop. Not only can I not find some to fit, when I do, they are two miles too short. ARGH!
Sin - we should switch. I always have to roll mine. LOL!
I offered my extra pair of black pants to Hellion, and even said I'd put in a temporary hem for her. Nope, she was determined to go off on her own onto seas uncharted, into the land of desperate pants.
Is that right next to the seas of Square Pants? LOL! Sorry, some kid at the talent show last night played that song and since I don't watch the show, I about fell out of my chair when the entire audience yelled SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!!
Yes, I found some black pants last night. I have reached a new low in the dressing room of the Walmart. "OMFG, is that MY ass? I didn't know it bubbled out like that! I was so much happier when I didn't know it bubbled out like that!"
I have found a few shirts too; I need a "dress shirt"--so I've got to find something somewhere. I'm going to attempt to bring my smaller suitcase, though I think I will cheat and also bring my matching bag with it, for my bathroom stuff. I made out a list of what I'd be wearing each day, so I could limit pants and shoes.
And dear God, I must wear the UGLIEST bras on this planet. I had to buy a new one last night because the one I'm currently wearing is so ugly it makes me depressed even thinking about it.
Okay, tangents over.
LMAO.
Okay, not quite over.
With my bubble butt, I'm pretty sure my next few months of blogs will sound like someone who is being weaned off caffeine and chocolate. I apologize in advance for the Tourette's.
Just sing this under your breath.."I like big butt's and I cannot lie..."
Lis - ROFL!!
You do need prettier bras. Just sayin'...
My big pants that used to almost fall off were tight this weekend. I'm joining the rec center ASAP and getting back on the NO CHOCOLATE wagon. This is not going to be pretty.
Weaning doesn't work for me as I can rationalize anything. But I do suggest you wean slowly. For all our sakes...LOL!
And by weaned, I mean Cold Turkey. Though I may substitute Blow Pops. I think they're only a point apiece.
*fierce look at Lisa and Sin who are giggling* Suckers with BUBBLE GUM in them, guys.
I think you're safe on the bra front, Hellion. I don't think anyone's gonna notice! If we're gonna be required to reveal that much I'm re-thinking my attendance!
I had my whole outfit picked out (including shoes, ugh!!!) and then the stinking weather changed. So out with the winter and in with the spring/summer clothes that I'll probably freeze in. I'm either gonna be sweating like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News or my teeth will be chattering!
I love blow pops, but did you know a doughnut hole is only 1 point too? I know, someone dropped the ball on that calculation, but I'm going with it.
Hellion, prayers and good wishes for the pitch. I know that you will be brilliant.
Terri, how was the talent show? Isabelle, I know, was wonderful. :)
Thanks for asking, Janga. She did great. She was the only one who sang with a karaoke CD instead of singing along with the artist version. The entire audience clapped along and she had a blast.
But one of the cutest acts was these four girls who couldn't have been more than 4 or 5. They sang a song from HS Musical, but I have no idea what it was since they all sang different words at different times and it came out sounding like a horrible cat fight. Cracked me up at the end with the song ended and the little girl on the end looked at the others and said, "What happened?!"
Irish - No, she really needs prettier bras. It's a confidence thing I learned a few years ago. If your unmentionables are cute and pretty, you just feel better. You even walk and move differently. Lacy stuff is just what she needs to sell the fire out of that pitch!
Ter - I guess you're right, new underwear can do wonders for your self confidence, especially in this business!!!
Isn't watching little kids perform the best! Either that or play sports. You just can't beat it for the entertainment value. The DH was in the car with my son the other day and a Bee Gees tune came on the radio. My son sang along with the WHOLE song and got maybe 4 or 5 words correct. My DH said he had a really hard time not doubling over with laughter but didn't want to embarrass my son. He's a pretty shy kid but when he's alone or feels pretty safe he really belts out the tunes and NEVER gets the words right. It's hilarious! I'm afraid if I correct him he'll stop singing, but he's gonna get eaten alive if he ever does that in front of friends!
Irish - you have a smaller version of my dad. He's over 60 now and still does that. Only he can't hear so he sings louder. LOL!
Let him belt. It'll be great entertainment for his grandkids. LOL!
I love a good Blow Pop. *snickering*
And I need to give up everything I eat, but I just go to the gym more to compensate for my awful eating habits. LOL
Glad to hear the kiddie did awesomely on the talent show; the little foursome pop stars sound adorable.
Thanks for all the well-wishes (and the much needed prayers). I'll do my darnest not to let you guys down. Or at least not faint.
You want PICTURES? You realize I *still* haven't developed the film from last August? I mean, I have four disposable cameras lined up on my bookshelf just mocking me, saying, "DEVELOP THE FILM ALREADY" but I'm always in a hurry. And one of them still isn't "finished" yet.
P.S. I think that's right about the bra. I'd bought a new bra on my trip to Virginia, and I was wearing it on the plane ride home next to the Crossword Puzzle guy. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have tortured him so much if I hadn't been wearing that particular bra.
I was aiming the pictures comment to Sin. But if you'd just send me that film, I'll develop the dang things. I can't believe a picture with Jack Jr. is not incentive enough to do that.
NO pictures!
I've been considering the picture dilemma too, Sin. I know I'm bringing a camera and someone else is gonna have one. It's the whole having your picture on the internet that kinda skeeve's me out! I gotta think on that one.
I love the parody. Fabulous!!!
Hellion, you'll be great at the pitch session. And if not, there is a bar. With alcohol.
'Nuff said.
Irish, I'm doing my best to stay out of pictures. I'm even gonna make like a tree and stay put in one place, lest I get lost. LOL
Ely, Terri said I should drink rum before I go. "You're so funny on rum!" Right. Hysterical. I'll probably ask the agent for a backrub.
I don't like my picture taken either. (And Sin would clearly have her Secret Ninja Cover blown if pictures get around of her on the internet. I mean, I've seen the fake author pic she plans to use when she becomes famously published--and I know she ripped it right out of a Walmart picture frame.)
Great Hellion. Now I have to get a new picture!
*grumbling*
Irish - no one should put your picture on the net without your permission. Even at this gathering. I figure I'm not attractive enough for any stalkers to come looking for me. LOL!
Sin - it would not kill you to share one little picture on our loop. It's not like I've never seen a picture of you. Though technically, that was a video...
There's always the K-Mart Photo Frame picture, Sin. We'll find you something. And me something. I may not be a ninja, but I certainly don't want to use MY picture. Hell, I'm not using my name; I might as well take it the distance.
*ssshhhh* Terri, you weren't supposed to talk about the VIDEO.
Video? What video? I didn't see no stinking video...LOL!
OOOooh, Hellion, you are in BIG trouble now!
[...] 1. There was no topping my last week’s blog and I couldn’t bear to try and fail 2. I’m going a conference this week: Chicago Spring Fling. I’m pitching to an agent (wish me luck); and my pitch still isn’t perfect. I haven’t even practiced. I haven’t even packed. Heck, I don’t even have a pair of bla … Source: It’s Tuesday, It Must Be Time for a Parody [...]
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