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Ghost of Memories
I watched it all float in front of my eyes. Memories not so distant and years ago, reminding me of where I’d been and where I was yet to go. Stuck with you just like a shadow, following you wherever you may roam. I couldn’t get away. I couldn’t run fast enough. Hide away until they floated by. I couldn’t deny them. No matter how far I tried to shove them down in that deep dark corner of my heart, they're always lurking. Haunting you like your long lost conscience. Whispering. Taunting. Making you out of your mind as you try to lie down to sleep. There was no rest to be found. Closure was something of a dream- an afterthought, something I wanted to obtain but never found a way.
There is no denying it. Memories are your own. You can’t run. You have to face them. Eventually.
There's nothing like reminiscing about days passed. I mean, memories are what keep you going when you're stuck in a rut. They make you laugh. They make you cry. They bring back feelings you wish you could forget and the emotions you wished you still had. There is something about memories that if you didn't have them, you'd be empty inside even when you think you’d be better off.
I’m sure this comes as no surprise to most of you, that I wasn't always a pirate. Being a pirate is just something that happens. I didn't fall off the turnip truck as one. I didn't thumb my way across the world. I didn't swim across the seven seas and come out of the water all Bond girl-ish with perfect hair and in a white swimsuit with no nipples showing. (Because let's face it wenches and pirates, you wear white in the water and it turns see-through. And yes I know this to be a fact.) It's all the experiences along the way that turn you into a pirate. A pirate of your own life.
I use memories in my writing. Sometimes it’s just a glimmer of things that have happened, conversations gone haywire, situations gone bad. Fun times. Crazy times. Use rough outlines of my favorite girlfriends for secondary characters. For me, it makes it fun to write. Besides, who hasn't thought about the time someone burned you and you couldn't think of something to say until two days after? It's all about rewriting it to get your revenge. It's about reliving a dream you always wanted to share. A life you always wanted but could never have. Taking the chances through a character and forgoing the consequences. Seeing how much they can take before they break. Or you. Depends on the memory.
Memory writing can be tough. It can also be like therapy. We’ve talked about that on the ship before so I’m not going into it again. A good example of writing from memories can be writing high school scenes with your characters. Everyone has a high school memory they’d like to tweak. Rewrite. Fix for the better. But for me, it's like writing sex. Sex is hard to write. Hands down. I can write torture. I can write blood dripping from the edge of a bathtub. I can write evil bad guys- murder in their eyes, cruel smiles twisted on their lips, without a problem. But writing a sex scene is sheer agony. I spend most of my time while writing a sex scene running through my head (this goes here, that goes there, insert here, do this, touch that) it’s completely nerve wracking. I suppose for me, it’s like that first time together. It’s supposed to be this beautiful moment, and really it ends up being this massive clus-- *ahem* mess where you bump heads right as your about to have that sweet moment. It ruins it.
I have no problem with people reading what I write. No. I couldn’t care less if someone reads a sex scene I wrote where it’s reverse cowgirl and she’s waving the cowboy hat in the air like she’s in the rodeo. It's the intimacy of the scene between me and my reader. It's like being a voyeur in my own world. Mostly because you write what you know. So when I write sex, it feels like I'm spilling the dirty details of my bedroom romps. I’m not… really. To me, writing certain things reminds me of memories whether they are or not. And sex happens to be one of those memory things that no matter how hard you try to stray from experience, you end up writing exactly how it goes in your mind. Except you make it a little more… perfect.
So I can’t be the only one. Spill it pirates and wenches. Have you ever had a memory that you put into book form? For readers, have you ever read a book that mirrored something that happened in your life or something like it? Care to share?
Books by the Crew
35 comments:
Pretty much 3/4 of my book.
Tweaked, of course; and the sex is completely fiction. It'd have to be. Though I am tempted to use a real sex scene or two in future books, just for self-humiliation purposes.
I'm going to have to try the reverse cowgirl thing.
I think I write less from exact memories and more from things I'd like to experience in the future. It's not unusual for me to be driving down the road and imagine a conversation I'd like to have with someone. I've even had full arguements with people and been irritated with them afterward. They just don't know the horrible things they said because, well, they never *really* said them. LOL!
But with all the talk lately about YA, I'm considering taking a stab at a YA story. I think it might be fun to write the angst, let the underdog have the last word, and not have to stress about writing a hot love scene.
I had total issues with getting this posted. Sorry guys!
Sorry the new ship is harder to sail, Sin!
Yeah, but that's the point of being the teenage underdog--you don't get the last word, isn't it? I mean, if you actually got the last word, wouldn't you stop being the underdog?
There wasn't anything new when I got on this morning so I found the post and published it. I hope that's ok.
I'm going to try this again:)
I love using dialogue from my past and my everyday life when I write. I've learned that depending on what mood I'm in it affects my voice when I write so I write scenes according to the kind of day I've had.
I've never read a book that I connected with the storyline, but I have connected with a lot of characters during my reading escapades. I remember a character I loved because of her music choices:)
I hate to write sex scenes and you described exactly what I feel when I write smut.
I've used scenes from my life in my work, I've also channeled emotion and anger from past experiences to write a particularly angsty scene.
Great blog!
Ter- Yes totally fine that you published this. I pushed a lot of buttons last night but I was having issues with getting frozen out of the site.
Hellion- the reverse cowgirl is the new wave of the future. And I've straightened out the wheel. Wind is blowing the right way now. For a category can we have: Shooting Straight From the Cannon ? LOL
Ter- I love the underdog! Writing angst without the pressure of sex would be nice, but I need that sexual tension in my books.
Lis- I use dialogue all the time. But I tweak it. Most of the time I'm not even as close to being as witty as any of my characters. LOL
Sin - Who said there wouldn't be sexual tension? LOL!
You can't have much in a YA book, can you?
I think you can show a clear attraction though to be honest, it's been forever since I've read any YA. From what I understand, there are certain levels. Even Disney shows and movies show attraction and kissing.
Trust me, I've watched enough Raven and Hannah Montana to know they aren't as tame as they used to be.
Hm. I'm trying to remember YA books. I don't know if I ever read any. I read Judy Blume. I figure that's YA isn't it? But I switched gears from nature books to romance novels pretty quick.
Well, my book is a historical so it was harder to incorporate my life, but I still did it in places. My heroine's brothers are certainly just like mine.
And there have been a couple of times when I connected with a book.
Great blog!!
yeah stef, not harlot today...because given the lack of action in that area lately, i'll get totally revirginized before long....But I still want a cowgirl hat .....
And first congrats on the new ship. I don't know how you managed that logbook (is that the right word?) page thingy but wow! it looks sleek!
As for today's blog, one of the joy I find in reading is that writers manage to tweak some of those bleak moment I happened to experience and make the heroin say/do what i would have longed to say/do at the moment...Like you said QC I tend to find the perfect answer to a nasty blow two days later..after memories of the scene have eaten me alive...And I was a first class underdog at school. So having the heroin have the last word, the witty reply and a happy ending, damn that feels good...Closure by proxy I guess.
As for the sex scenes, I have never ever thought of the author's sex life when reading them. It never came to my mind...It's just..just...*shuddering*
What annoys me though is that I've come to realise that for a few authors, it always follows the same pattern. I might have not noticed if I hadn't read a couple books in a row by the same writer but when I did it made me pause....same words...same gestures. Left hands here, right hand there.. mouth here and little flick of the tongue and ..okay okay I'll stop, but you've got the idea. THIS is weird...and makes me wonder at the authors sex life....or lack thereof...
Kelly! I have to say that I've incorporated some of my little sister's traits into my heroine and her twin. Mostly her look.
Stef- It makes me so sad when you use your real name. LOL
I pattern write. I can't help myself. Especially for sex. I've mapped it out in my mind and it's now my routine. Sex is anything but routine, but in my mind, it is. It has to be. And don't be going back and thinking you're reading my sex life page by page. LOL
Most times my brain is a jumbled mess of thoughts, so it is possible that what I write may have been something locked in my subconscious. My life is like a sitcom, and the interactions I have with friends and family is what I take to create dialog between my characters. Dialog is my strong point....sex scenes not so much. Maybe it's because I usually fall asleep afterwards.
Sex scenes take me days to write. I have to read it and over to see if it even makes sense, or if I would enjoy what I was writing about. Hence the reason I write about crime and angst...not a lot of sex there. I can write the build-up to the sex, but after that I usually hit a wall. Nothing some Cheetos and some bacon can't cure though.
It's odd that when I read books, I don't ever imagine I'm reading about the author's sex life. But when I write sex, it feels like letting someone read my diary. LOL! NOT that my sex scenes are re-enactments of my real experience (not that I can remember much since it's been so long) but that they will *assume* it is.
I suppose I'll just have to get over it.
It's not so much I think people are reading this and thinking, "Wow, this author's sex life is the bomb! What a slut." (Okay, so I've been on some nightmare dates where the guy leads the convo, once he finds out I write romance novels, to make you think, yes, he assumes your sex life is exactly like what you just wrote down.) I *do* think a lot of the time that the sex we write is a fantasy of what we'd want--so I do sort of panic at the notion that one day, people who know me, will go, "That Hellion is totally into public sex" (Um, no) and "She totally swallows!" (No comment).
Nobody wants their fantasies snickered at. Sex is awkward enough as it is without someone judging what gets you off.
Some of us like to fly our freak flags a bit more quietly.
Flying our freak flags? LOL! I love that. And yes, I'm flying mine at half mast at the moment. *sigh*
I never even though about sex scenes being autobiographical. The idea falls into the same category as parents having sex: you know it happens, but you really would rather not think about it.
Have you ever noticed how many romance writers say writing the sex scenes is difficult? And how do you avoid the patterns? Writing about foreplay and afterglow allows for creativity. Selecting setting, scene, and mood can be quite creative. I don't think great variety is possible with the rest. :)
Well, it's possible, you just have to change genres. LOL! It's called *mainstream* stuff for a reason. I think the metaphors is where you have to mix it up. I love metaphors in a love scene. Especially if you can tie it to something specific in the story. My hero is a chef so when they get busy in the kitchen, there would be cooking metaphors.
I think Eloisa James does this very well. I remember her making a subtle connection with the metaphors in Taming of the Duke to Rafe's alcohol problem. The feelings he experienced during the love scene were similar to the feelings he had formerly gotten from drinking. I'm sure I'm not explaining it right but my point is, metaphors are a Godsend. LOL!
Arrr! Just checking in for a dram of rum, mateys.
Great blog! I dream a lot and do incorporate some of that into my writing. Problem is... I've got to remember the dreams first. They seem to fade by the end of breakfast. In keeping with superstition, one's not supposed to reveal a dream until after one's eaten. Therein lies the rub. If you don't write it down or speak it aloud, it's gone.
Sex scenes are hard for me. Mainly because I have a pirate devil sitting on my shoulder spouting, "Now what would the folk at church be thinkin about this?" Which then leaves me floating like a rutterless ship in the night.
Good stuff cries out to be written but dare I say, "the devil makes me do it" or not do it in this case. Maybe I just need to drink more rum!
Alas, let me revise my past statement - I love metaphors during sex SCENES in books, not during sex. Too much thought provoking speech during such times is mentally exhausting, I think.
Ok, lemme try this again... it ate my post last time. :(
I said, I don't use specifics in my book, though I do believe my hero and heroine have certain personality traits that are mine. But, I don't use specifics because I'm too cynical to think that my life would make good reading material. LOL!!
Ter - I love metaphors during sex. :)
Nice slip, Marnee. Hold that freak flag high. LOL!
Spouting metaphors and other such literary nonsense during intimate moments is like its own new type of freak. It's writer freak. LOL!!
Oh, we know you and Mr. Gunner exchange long and deep metaphors to each other when you two are flying your freak flags.
Shhhh.... Don't tell him I outted us!! LOL!!
I swear, I'm not ignoring anyone today. This damn server of mine is giving me fits!
Janga- I like your way of thinking. Sometimes when I'm writing I feel like I'm the only one that has those problems.
Kathy- I'm a dreamer too. I dream about my characters. Do you too?
Ahoy, Sin. Yes, I do. Though I think I should have been a SF writer because I have weird Stephen King-ish dreams sometimes. A throw-back to my childhood spent watching B Horror movies, I guess. Oh, the plots I could write.
A pirate after my own, for sure!
Oh Kathy, I write the most twisted of twisted things. I don't know where it all comes from. I'm not much of a horror movie person. But I have the same freaky weird dreams with crazy things happening. Like last week where a telemarketing company kidnapped me and fed me poisonous spiders to make me do their evil telemarketing bidding.
Ah, to be sure. That is a fine pickle. I recently dreamed I had rats in my hair and couldn't get them out.
I've been stabbed, shot, and eaten by all kinds of creepy crawlers. Drowning comes up a lot. Not exactly sure why. I suppose I should ask myself, why not? Aliens, monsters, vampires, werewolves, you name it, I've dreamt it.
Oh, life at sea. *sigh*
I had a dream I was having sex with Harrison Ford (the young Indy version, mind you)--and 1) I was total rubbish and 2) my best friend who *lurvs* Harrison was totally pissed, because I'd stolen him. (So a sort of suicide, there, really...)
No idea why I was dreaming about him either. None. Other than the Indy version's really cute...but still...
Now to work this into my story....
Great blog. I have trouble getting on here during the day now. Sigh...
Anyways. I once read a book (no I won't tell you which) that had a female protagonist that was me! only in a more historical setting. But every single one of her thoughts and feelings... good lord, I was looking around for big brother camera's, we were so identical it was frightening.
Love the slip marnee!
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