Tuesday, March 25, 2008
All by Myself
*singing*I can hear y’all groaning! Yeesh, whining pirates. I’ll stop now.
Sometimes I don’t know what to talk about. I know you readers have a hard time believing that based off the tangents I start in comments. But it’s true. I may be able to tangent like nobody’s business, but when it comes to a topic, forgetaboutit. *in my whiny redneck voice*
So, when I was running on the treadmill, listening to my best friend prattle on and on about her latest disaster, I realized there are some things that are just a solo project. Much like writing.
To me, writing is a pure solo sport. You can argue that it takes love and support from your friends and family to get through the rough times; but really it’s you—yourself-- who puts the words down on paper. During crisis times, you are the only one who can take the words running in jumbles and make them flow like water on a page. You’re the only one who knows the plot. Storyline. Characters. Ending… You know all of this by heart.
When times are tough you rely on yourself to pull through. To keep going. To put one finger in front of the other and snap out of it. You stay up late. You debate with your gut instinct to slash and start over. You rewrite scenes until dawn. You run over line of dialogue in front of the mirror. (And if you’re me, you literally take it outside and run over it, while screaming at the top of your lungs.) No matter how much you talk about it to someone else, they will never get it. They don’t see the story as you do. Until it’s on paper, something tangible for them to see and hold, they don’t see it unfolding as you do.
Believing in yourself is a number one priority for a writer. Because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Your ability to convey emotion. Your talent to make the written word come to life in front of your reader’s eyes is all on you. No one else can make you do that. It comes from deep within. And if the belief isn’t there, your words will never flow quite right. The imagery will be stilted. The dialogue stiff. The storyline dull.
Your story relies on you to tell it. You believing in your abilities makes that happen. You could have thousands of people believing in you and still not believe in yourself.
Fate plays a part in this. If you are destined for something, whether you believe or not, it happens. It’s up to you to make it a positive or negative thing. Writing is all about being positive. You’re writing for a reason. A purpose. Whether it be for yourself or to tell a story. Or for the readers you’ll eventually have. Everything has a purpose. And I think I’m just now starting to realize this.
I don’t believe in myself. It’s just my number one rule. If I become complacent with my abilities, I slack off. So for that, I tell myself I suck at it all and work twice as hard. I’ve done it all my life. And with writing, it’s no different. I always challenge myself to go one extra step more. Write another thousand words before bed. Take a scene just one step wilder. Nothing is good enough and I have to strive to do better. But eventually I’ll have to believe in myself. Eventually I’ll have to let go, not to become complacent, but to accept what may come. Whether that be publishing or be just writing for enjoyment of the moment. Writing to me is like letting my soul fly. It gives me a chance to be calm, quiet, myself. And there is nothing more rewarding than that.
At the moment, that is.
So what is the one thing you could change about your writing self? What is the one thing you consider to be your excelling point? Writing, plotting, procrastinating, dialogue. And how much stock do you put into your own abilities?
And thanks for Eileen Cook for boarding the ship yesterday and giving that wonderful interview! If you didn't have a chance to stop by yesterday and give it a read, I HIGHLY suggest it!
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50 comments:
I have no idea how Christmas Writing got into the tags. LOL
I think someone is trying to give you a little faith in yourself for Christmas. LOL!
Great blog, Sin. That letting go is the hard part. Which is ironic since the working title of my WIP is Letting Go. LOL!
I think I'm good at certain things from a distance. Sometimes I surprise myself. Sometimes I embarrass myself. But I've always believed I could do anything to which I set my mind. I've forgotten that lately. I need to get it back.
Thanks for making me remember. *g*
Wow, this post could not have come at a better time for me. I just got a request for a partial. Now, I've revised and edited and rewritten this sucker for what seems like forever---it will never be perfect. Upon rereading, I keep thinking WTF was I thinking to ever start this? I really have to get over that, LOL.
Now I feel like that scene in Peter Pan when we're all supposed to clap our hands and believe. Thanks, Sin!
Yay motivational speaker Sin! :)
I was just thinking last night how I have to get moving again. This comes at exactly the right time.
I read somewhere that you write your first book (read: before publishing) on guts and you write your next book on fear. I do think there might be something to that.
Great blog Sin!!
Definitely if I could change something, it would be the procrastinating! I've got to find a way to stop doing that so much. I blame the internet of course. And the laptop for having a wireless 'thingy'.
I believe I could write a great book on 1001 Ways to Procrastinate. Right now my favorite means of procrastination is rereading the worst bits of my WIP and sighing. Anne Lamott says, "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." I know she's right, but I keep right on allowing myself to be oppressed. Then I end up depressed.
:(
Best blog yet, mate--and that includes the times you've referenced Ranger in your blogs.
I was sorta thinking about this this morning. Mainly in the category of: Ugh, I only wrote 500 words last night. My God, I'll be ready to draw social security before I get my third manuscript written. Maybe I should write something that inspires me to write more than 2 pages at a time.
In summary: I have to write this damned book by myself and it's so HARD. But I don't want to take up knitting, so I'll stop whining about it and just write it two pages at a time.
*clapping* I do believe in Sin, I do, I do, I do.
Janga--I've been reading Heartbreak Town and thinking of you. I think your worst stuff would make Nora green with envy...and I have to quote some Monty Python: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Right now I should be writing, but I went and spoiled myself by reading raunchy Highlander book and once again I'm a reader.
But as soon as this coffee kicks in me and my male lead character are going to get intimate...okay, maybe after my second cup of coffee we'll get intimate. Or maybe after I finish reading one more chapter of the Highlander book. But then I have to go run some errands...and by the time I come back I have work to do, and after that is lunch, and then........
Geisha - LOL!! I think you listened in on my mental conversations this morning!!
I really read that wrong the first time. I thought she said her *two male leads* were going to get intimate. I mean, I know that occurs in some books but I did a double take. LOL!
Re-read. Got it now. Whew!
Thanks wenches! Sometimes the most uninspired blogs are the ones that come out the best.
Ter- I embarress the crap out of myself. I have a rule that I have to try everything once to rule out if I like it or not. I tried third person POV. Hated it. I tried storyboarding (with much prodding) and *shrugs shoulder* I can take it or leave it. The questions that were raised were more important. I took a chance at writing something, and I love it. It's about trying something, going for it and giving it your all. Set your mind to it and nothing is unattainable. Or least you have to believe that.
Maggie- OMG!! Congrats on the partial! Maybe it was fate that made me write this last night. It sounds like we all could use a dose of confidence in our abilities.
JK- Procratination is a disease. I have it bad. I think there gets a point when all writers go through that phase. Though it's not a phase for me. It's a lifestyle. LOL It wasn't so bad before I made friends online. Then I really had an excuse to procrastinate.
Janga- You reread parts of your WIP? Does that mess with your writing mojo? I ask because when I have to go back and reread all I see is where I could improve and I spend my time rewording and reworking to the point I'm not inclined to work on forwarding the story.
Marn- You know, it was something you said to me yesterday that inspired this post. If we can't believe in ourselves, it's nice to have people surrounding us that will do it for us until we can pick up the slack.
I think fear is a big part of my writing. I know believing in myself will scary me. And even though I said you should try everything once, that does not apply to believing. Someday, as Ranger says.
Hellion- You see I just referenced Ranger? LOL Damn, you wrote 500 words? That beats my whooping total of 500 in the past week. Okay, I might've done 1000 but only on rewriting. I have to turn off the internal editor. How do you do that? Can you fashion me a switch?
Writing is hard. It just is. People who don't write, have no concept of this. They think writers just sit down and voila! it's done. No. It takes painstaking hours and hours of your time. Fretting and having panic attacks. Thinking of the right words to use. Witty dialogue (which I still haven't gotten the hang of).
Geisha- Procrastinator.
If I was going to get intimate with my hero, I'd be doing it right now. LOL
Marnee Jo I think that's what's in our procrastinating minds all the time.
terrio- Whew indeed! You give me much more credit than I'm worth. I can't write Slasher fics even if my life depended on it. Plus, I might get jealous half way through.
To add to my procrastination Haleigh just posted a new fanfic. My guilty pleasure. Writing is looking less and less likely today.
Ah, my 500 words were utter backstory. The internal editor was going, "Why are you writing this? This is too much infodumping. This is BORING." But I ignored him and pressed on. Shitty first draft in all it's glory.
Amen to that sister. I can't believe anything you write is shitty, but I knowt the feeling about feeling it's shitty. It's easier to admit that it's shitty than to admit that it's good.
What would I change about my writing self? uh... if I could just avoid the net while I'm supposed to be writing, I'd get a hell of a lot more done.
I'm at the I hate my work stage two with some deep editing on ITN... more like rewriting, but man do I hate what I had before and I wonder how much I'll hate the new stuff I wrote... that's the one thing about writing I hate. I always want to fix what I 'think' is crap. Hell it could be crap...
Hear that people? It's me writing. No not this post....I'm actually writing a story. Yay me!!!!
Hold up. Is that a caramel rice cake I spot in my desk drawer?
Break time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tiff, I have that problem too. When I'm supposed to be writing on my WIP, I end up writing emails. Or in a chatroom. Or on an IM. I do everything "but" write what I'm supposed to.
Crap writing is relative. We all think what we write is crap. It's hard to see something you wrote and think objectively. I haven't learned it yet. Probably won't ever.
I hear you snacking on a rice cake, Nic. Silly goose back to the writing mines for you!
I excell at procrastination and dilaogue. I SUCK at getting over my fears and writing. I seem to also have a fear of being successful-even I don't understand how that's possible...
Kelly, I have that problem too. At the mere thought of exceeding at something I set out to do, I balk. Weird. Does it have something to do with accomplishing a goal? Have you ever completed a huge goal you set out to do?
You know, come to think of it, I don't think I have ever completed a huge goal I've set out to do. I mean I've accomplished some big things but they were never anything that I really wanted. Weird.
The rice cakes were fabulous Sin!
And I even typed three words and edited two lines. Progress!!!
Oh look at the time. It's lunch time people!
Wait a minute. Sin telling me to write? LOL!! Woman don't get me started on you!!!!
Wow, talk about psychoanalysis today, huh?
Wonder why we get like that?
Geisha, you're cracking me up today!
I haven't saved the Universe, published a book or even written an entire book, but I've accomplished some stuff I'd say was big. The struggle is the first one. But once you become a success at one thing, you'd be surprised how easy it is to do the rest.
That's my analysis anyway. *g* Stop shooting yourself in the foot, get the first big thing nder your belt and you'll be better off.
Geisha - you can't blame me for procrastinating! Or if you can, can I blame you when I get stuck?
My problem is the internet. There's so many interesting things to look at! And there's this website called World of Solitaire with all these cool nifty card games....
I'm blaming you Haleigh. I got so caught up in Ranger dancing and him in silk boxers that when I went back to my story I had no idea who my male lead was.
Then I found that he wasn't as exciting as Ranger was in the fic because he was having dinner with his family and now I have to scrap the entire story and start fresh.
And you know what that means? More procrastination.
Damn all you genius smut writers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Opps.
LOL. If it helps, I have absolutely no ability to write Ranger right now. Everyone's clamoring for smut added to the end of that, and I can't do it. I keep trying, but each time, I switch to the hero in my WIP.
If I tried to write Ranger smut right now, he'd have ice blue eyes, a dimple, and would crack jokes all the way through it. LOL. I don't think anyone would appreciate that!
Hellion, you are so good for my ego. If TLWH is ever published, I will acknowledge you and Terri as my best cheerleaders.:)
Sin, I started out rereading huge chunks of what I had written every time I started writing something new. In a RNTV discussion of craft, CM advised me to reread only the scene before the one I was working on. It was terrific advice that has enabled me to write when I have only 30-60 minutes, something I could never do before. My WIP is about 90% finished now, so I am revising and editing and desperately trying to write all the stitch-together scenes that I have to do before I can say I have finished TLWH (the curse of the non-linear writer). That's a wordy way of saying that rereading does not mess with my writing mojo. LOL! It's necessary for me.
Aw, Janga. We just know a winner when we see...err...read it. LOL!
*waving pom poms in the air*
I'd try a toe jump but they'd wheel me out of here on a stretcher...
I'm trying to keep up today but not much luck. LOL. Too many patients. Not enough time.
Hal- I understand. I have a hard time writing Ranger now as well. Lucky for me my hero is somewhat like him, but more open. He's badass with a badass smile. Helpful without making deals and never following through (one night doesn't count). Ice-blue eyes and a dimple? Sign me up. Pronto!
Janga, I've tried to read just the scene before, but I get caught up in the web of going back too far because one paragraph just isn't far enough back for me. I gotta get into the moment.
But it is really good advice and look at you! I'll pull the pom-poms out too but I never was a cheerleader. Though you can hear me four counties over. LOL
Nic- you're a wench. I'm allowed to give orders of writing. I don't have to heed them. LOL
I procrastinate better than I breath. On a really good day when the words are flowing faster than I can type, I'm a kick ass writer. I would say writing emotion and dialogue are my strengths.I have what it takes to be published, I just lack motivation.
Sorry I'm late, I had to be a nurse all day today. *eye roll*
Great blog Sin:)
Just so I don't give the wrong impression, I'd like to announce that I never was (and never would have been in a million years) a cheerleader.
Thank you. That's my disclaimer for the day. LOL!
Lisa - I'm so with you on that one. I am a MASTER at procrastinating. I inherited it from my mother. The woman who hasn't thrown away her utility bills from 1967.
“I don’t believe in myself.’
What the Hell? My first thought upon reading this is “Can I smack you on the head with a thesaurus, SIN?”
Really
I am a great believer in non-violence but I feel that in your case, hitting you over the head with somethinggggg is warranted.
So SIN
Let’s talk about Lurking … you didn’t ask about That…. But hey… this is a pirate ship… so I’m acting piratical… And licentiously interpreting the rules of blogging to lawlessly lecture about lurking.
Why I Lurk: I lurk cuz
A. I’m to lazy too write anything
B. I’m too opinionated about whatever is being discussed
C. I am too lost in thought about the blog to post a post.
D. Gosh...
And then there is D. How do I describe D?
Humor me.
Go to Romance Vagabonds and scroll down to
On My Keeper Shelves
Read my post, under comments. It is the last one.
Then come back and read the rest of this.
Go on!
No cheating!
So
Do you know what I was thinking about when I wrote that?
A blog.
A blog that was Posted here.
At 12:00AM.
It was called
“Game of Pickup”
It was written by you, SIN.
See, D is “sometimes I don’t post because I can’t.” I can’t because I am completely blown away… humbled by the story telling… lost in the words … and I am speechless.
I can’t say a damn thing.
Not a Word.
And you thought that I didn’t notice.
I did.
i did. I just… well… what can I say to a story like that?
Nothing
Except, damn girl….
I’ve got 20$ in my pocket. I wanna Put it down for a deposit on your first book. Yah. If it’s anything like your story Pick Up Game … then that 20 bucks will be the best investment I’ve made all year.
And Maggie Robinson
CONGRASDULATIONS!
You got a request for a partial.
I have been waiting, not too patiently I might add, to hear that a publisher had taken an interest in your writing.
Yes!
And um... yes... I have been lurking on your site for quite a while too.
*laughs* Damn, you got served. And rightfully. *LOL*
Damn. I sure as hell did. I feel my head smarting from the Thesaurus thumping.
And like you said, I marched my rear over to RV and read your comment. Beautifully put too, might I say. And I'm really humbled. Truly humbled. In fact, I'm going to print it out and put it over the spot where I write. And every time I feel like crap about something that I write, I'm gonna read it and remember you'll thump me with a Thesaurus for thinking otherwise.
*hug* And I might have shed a tear or two but if you tell a soul, I'll die.
And no $20 deposit. My first book is on me, to you, signed with a personal note about how it took one woman's fury to keep a writer going.
Well, damn it, I'm crying now! And that wasn't even aimed at me. LOL! That might just be the best damn thing I've ever seen. Julie, I hope you know there is a huge, cushy, spa like spot just waiting for you up in heaven. There are hunky men to wait on your every need, wonderful books available at the snap of your fingers, and a pool of grateful tears sitting at your feet.
I think I love this girl. LOL! Thesaurus thumping and all!
Well Damnit Terrio, you just made me cry.
Jeez
So here’s the thing.
It is sooo easy to say nothing. Because, well it Just Is. And I “talk” enough as it is… so don’t encourage me! But how can I continue to say nothing when I read something like” All by myself…” And I realize how really isolated… alone you writers are with your art? Singers, musicians, actors, painters, sculptors, fashion designers, just to name a few types of artists, get a lot of impute & encouragement.
They get it
Because people can see, hear, and interact with their work in progress!
Every one gets impute
except, IMO
Writers.
Honestly, you guys really Are Alone in being… Alone.
That Sucks.
SIN, you feel that you are a good writer. But if no body else tells you that, Then how will you ever truly Know that you are a Good Writer.
You won’t. Not with out someone taking the time to tell you.
You need… and deserve to get… impute just like every other artist out there. Isn’t that what these writers’ blogs are all about? You showing me what you can do. And my telling you… Wow, that was Brilliant… Do it Again!
SIN, I’m taking you up on that book offer. In fact I’m looking forward to it. Not juz cuz its free… but because I Know that IT is gonna be a book Worth reading.
Ter- I knew I loved her at Thesaurus thumping. LOL
Julie, girlfriend, you've got yourself a deal. There are few instances where I bring out the waterworks, but every time you've posted, you get me all worked up.
I'm much the lurker myself. I have been for years. I lurk on the outside of life. I lurk on the outside of digital life. It's the fringes of life where you learn the most about your surroundings. Get to know the people for who they are. I don't fault lurkers at all. Not when it's so easy to be one. It's my duty as a blog writer to convey a message every week that catches a readers attention. They don't necessarily need to post a comment to make me feel justified. I'd rather they reflect back on it weeks later. That's what writing is about. Occasionally writers need to hear they convey their message. Occasionally they need a kick in the ass to remind them that they are a writer for a reason. A purpose. And you've done that.
So just like Ter said, there is a special place for readers like you in heaven.
Julie - I dodged off earlier to make dinner and tend to the "real world" and I missed your amazingly sweet posts. I got all teary myself.
And, it takes something special to make the pirates bawl. :)
Oh, and I totally agree about the thesaurus thumping. Not for the gratuitous violence of it, but the whole keep going part.... Though I do appreciate me some gratuitous violence, ya know, being American and all.... LOL!!
Terri, I apologize for the "cheerleader" tag. Perhaps I should have used "cheerers," which the OED defines as "He (or she) who or that which cheers, comforts, or inspirits; a comforter; he (or she) who cheers, applauds, hurrahs." Will you accept that description?
Oh, Janga - I'm making a mess of things today. In so many ways. Let me clear this up.
I will gladly be your cheerleader. I just meant that I didn't want people to get from the pom poms and toe jump comment that I was claiming to be a cheerleader. Even when I was 17, this lard butt was not getting off the ground. LOL!
Just didn't want to give others the impression and just meant I would never have made any squad. Except the Flag Corps. I did make that one. *g*
See, I could twirl a flag for you Janga! Now, you get yourself in that GH race and I will be at that ceremony twirling your flag. LOL!
Julie always makes me weepy when she posts. It's really sad when all the pirates sob uncontrollably.
Terri, for God's sake, you don't have a lard butt. I've SEEN you. You'd look fine in a cheerleading outfit; and you can only be cheerleader flexible if you do stretching exercises...it's not because this figment lard butt you just referenced.
Janga, we'll be your cheerers, cheerleaders, and outright bloody nags. I can't wait to get my hands on Max's book--and I will trot to one of your signings just to make you autograph it right to me: "To Hellion, Enjoy Max...I know I did." or something like that.
Talk to me when you've hauled this ass around for a few decades. LOL!
Technically, I have NO ass. It's the hips that I have in abundance. And the thighs. And the.....*sigh* Nevermind.
Janga has to write - TO TERRI, THANKS FOR HELPING ME SAY WTF?! - in my book. LOL!
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