Thursday, October 18, 2007

Cat-O-Nine Tip of the Day

This ship is full of a bunch of whiners.

First “I got busy and didn’t have time” and then “I’m busy procrastinating” and yesterday’s, “It wasn’t flowing and I’ve only now got my groove back.”

I swear to God, I’m going to start flailing the tails, my little buccaneers, and then you’ll know what real pain is! Do you think pirates only steal when they feel like it? No. They’re pirates. They steal ALL THE TIME, even if they’re on their last leg…and arm. Whatever. Getting booty doesn’t just happen when you feel like it. When you’re inspired. When you’re in the mood. Being a pirate is a job…and as Pirate Red said, “Work is work. It’s not fun. If work were fun, it’d be called happy fun time.”

Pirate Red is perhaps less familiar than the Dread Pirate Roberts, who said, “Life is pain, princess. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

So anyone who tells you writing isn’t hard—is selling their book of “Secrets to Writing: How to Write Your Novel Painlessly” for the reasonable price of $29.99—and should be tied to the cannon and flogged. Writing is hard. You might have some second-wind moments where you really are enjoying your pirating—and I admit, there are those days. And yes, it IS useless to pursue booty on a ship without plunder—but if you’re abandoning all ships because of that excuse, you might have to reconsider the notion you’re a lazy pirate. And life is pain. And work is work. Inspiration is for sissy pirates.

If you're going to be a writer, the first essential is just to write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn the faucet on before the water starts to flow.

~Louis L'Amour

Now it’s time for a few rounds of a shanty tune. Nothing like making work easier than a song, yes? Okay…now sing along!


What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer

Whining at the keyboard?

Throw her into bed with a man named Ranger

Throw her into bed with a man named Ranger

Throw her into bed with a man named Ranger—

That’ll help her story!

What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer

Whining at the keyboard?

Tie her up, Ranger, until she’s inspired

Tie her up, Ranger, until she’s inspired

Tie her up, Ranger, until she’s inspired

And show her what a tongue is for!

What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer?

What shall we do with a shirking writer

Whining at the keyboard?

Flog her and tease her until she cries mercy!

Flog her and tease her until she cries mercy!

Flog her and tease her until she cries mercy!

And begs to go back writing…

Anyone else got any lyrics they want to add?

17 comments:

Lissa said...

I have no lyrics but just a request...can I have the first go at Ranger's tongue and then I promise I'll get right back to the keyboard:)

MsHellion said...

Of course, Lissa! Have at it!

Besides we know I replace Ranger with Captain Jack for me (Yes, I know I'm crazy...that's why I'm the Captain...) I threw Ranger in there for you and Sin.

terrio said...

Oh! Oh! Can I have Will Turner?! Please Please Please! Only make him all buff like he was in Kingdom of Heaven. Ooh la la...

And why can't we do the tongue thing and write at the same time? I'm a master at multi-tasking. I'm sure I could handle it. *w*

MsHellion said...

I'm pretty sure I couldn't do the tongue thing AND type at the same time. I'd be too wrapped up in trying not to slide out of my chair.

Yes, you can have Will Turner.

I wonder if Sin is going to ask for one of the Blood Brothers, one of them before they turn into wussies. Or maybe that demon from A Few Demons More. He sounded so hot.

TiffinaC said...

That is too flipping cute of a song.
I don't sing... unless inebriated :D but thats a story to share for another day, eh?

Sliding out of chairs are you now, Hell.

MsHellion said...

Well, I was assuming I'd be sitting in a chair...I mean, I do have a laptop, but if I was laying in bed, typing with the computer on my lap--well, he'd have no room to do his tongue trick. Unless I'm missing something? I guess I could balance it on top of his head, but I don't want to get in his way either. Plus it's be kinda rickety balanced on his head...

Nah, I just don't think I'd bother with the multi-tasking. I like to do my jobs one at a time, as thoroughly as possible so I don't miss anything.

Lissa said...

Captain Jack is nothing to sneeze at Hellion. I could stand a few lashings of his tongue:) Oh and Will Turner's too. What can I say? I take my wench title very seriously.

terrio said...

There's plenty of room under my desk for these sorts of multi-tasking ideas.

Though at some point I'm assuming I might have some alksr;owuoieruhja;slkdnf/lksahfl/saflish to delete....LOL!

DeeSKnight said...

All I can say is:

If that's what you do with a shirking writer
If that's what you do with a shirking writer
If that's what you do with a shirking writer
I am all for being one!

Arrggg. Didn't you ever hear that punishment is supposed to punish? A tongue lashing (yum!) seems more like a vacation you care never to end.

If you want your writer to get down to it, tell her "No more chocolate for you, Missy, until fingers hit that keyboard." Or "All Pirates of the Carribean DVDs are locked up until three good paragraphs emerge from the printer."

That's punishment. Now, where's that Ranger guy?

terrio said...

Alright, now Lissa is just getting greedy. LOL! And Dee is apparently trying to get shot.

Good luck holding those DVDs for ransom...

MsHellion said...

*eyeroll* Oh, sure point that out, Killjoy Dee. No POTC until so many paragraphs! I could use that! Too funny!

I think my fingers would go on strike if I forbid them chocolate.

MsHellion said...

I don't think Lissa is greedy. I think that's a great attitude. I'm next! I want: Captain Jack, Will, and then Ranger. Woohoo!

Variety is the spice of a sex scene...

DeeSKnight said...

It's okay, Pirate Terrio. I have my trusty Uzi with me, left over from teaching at military school.

DeeSKnight said...

Mshellion, you'd be like those street corner people, holding sign: "Will Write for Hershey Kisses"

MsHellion said...

Actually I'd do just about anything for a Reese's PB cup at the moment...never mind the bag I wolfed down the beginning of the week.

Sin said...

OMG. Of all the days I'm too busy to get to the blog early in the morning, it has to be today when Ranger is floggin' people and giving tongue lashings and generally being his hot self. *fanning self* But I'll take Ranger, Minias (the demon, ding ding ding Hellion you were right!) and Rehv from the Brotherhood. Except he isn't a brother. He's too demonic to be a brother. Which is why I adore him of course.

Sin said...

PS. Hellion that song was totally kick ass.