Favorite Enemies
- A Little Sisterly Advice
- Cheeky Reads
- DRD aka Donna's Blog
- Gunner Marnee's Blog
- J.K. Coi: Living with Immortals
- Just Janga
- Killer Fiction
- Kimberly Killion
- Maggie Robinson
- Maureen O. Betita
- Megan Kelly
- Pam Clare
- Renee Lynn Scott
- Romance Bandits
- Romance Dish
- Scapegoat's Blogspot
- Smartass Romance
- Terri Osburn Writes Romance
- Tessa Dare
- Vauxhall Vixens
Blog Archive
So What Do You Call It?
As always on this ship, we are dedicated to integrity, high moral fiber, and tastefulness. (*looks aside at the teleprompter* Tastefulness? Really? Oh! Yes, of course, never mind.) Oh, and themes, of course, so with Marnee talking about sex yesterday; and Sin talking about sexual tension at her place of work, I thought…well, there wasn’t so much thinking involved as a lot of gossiping. If I might have your indulgence.
Some weeks ago, at Vauxhall, we were talking about cocks, and we were lamenting that there aren’t a lot of cock odes. Like, there are no cock odes.
Which is really odd, considering how well thought of they are by their owners. And, er, their borrowers. As it were.
I thought there’d be rows of books about them, all in pentameter rhyme; but my search for penis poetry proved fruitless. (I do promise to endeavor to keep searching.) In the meantime, someone (*Terri*) suggested I write one. Although I don’t know why she thinks I’m that familiar with them.
Still, I don’t like to back down from a challenge, so I thought I’d try my hand at it.
*blank look*
No pun intended.
Right. Enough dawdling. Here goes…nothing.
Hellion’s Ode to the—er—You Know
I admit in the past, I’m the
Sort of lass who circumvents
And perhaps when handed Time,
I’m not always well-spent.
But I’m willing to make up for past sins
And give into your hints:
I never guessed happiness could come
In six-inch increments.
Now I’ve, er, egg on my face,
But I’m feeling sublime.
Now I’m sated, recreated,
And every other male line.
Oh, how could I have feared something
That only wanted to show me a good time?
Waller’s right, for the waste of all
Previous opportunity was surely a crime.
I’ve found a new way to measure time
Than with the tick of a clock;
I’d boast I could do this all day,
But I’m not sure I could walk.
If I admit I’m now addicted,
Do you promise not to mock?
I promise hencefore to give my gratitude
To a well-thrusted c—
Yeah, it’s not Shakespeare, but I should get a few marks for enthusiasm. Now the questions of the day (um, no, not your favorite cock story…though I might enjoy a limerick or two): in romances, what is the most ridiculous word you’ve read in reference to the…well…our topic? Throbbing manroot? Pulsing spear? What? If you write, how do you handle the situation? Ambiguously or with, uh, bold wording?
And as an aside, is it wrong I think it’s hysterical that my ex-boyfriend hates the word “cock”? Which I found out while a few drinks the worse at some happy hour and then proceeded to insert the word repeatedly into whatever I was saying. Yes, he brings out my petty side. So aside from ridiculous, what references draw you out of a sex scene? And we don’t have to pick on the men either, I can list several female terms that does not enhance a scene for me. *LOL*
And to raise the level of this blog slightly out of the gutter, I would like to point out that Eloisa James' Duchesses series have been "name dropping" some amusing slang for use. Pizzle, for instance. And prick. I should point out she was not name-dropping within the sex scene--I think Ms. James chooses the more ambiguous way of referencing...a sort of "I'm assuming you know which sex has which part and where the parts are fitting" assumption.
Books by the Crew
39 comments:
I haven't time to read it all... but here is an authentic ode :) And strange, there are more odes to dildoes than to cocks...
(Anonymous --1870) The Burial of Sir John Thomas
Not a sound was heart but the ottoman shook,
Any my darling looked awfully worried,
As round her fair form I a firm hold took,
And John Thomas I silently buried.
We buried him deeply at dead of night,
The tails of our night-shits upturning;
With struggling raptures and fits of delight, The night-lights dimly burning.
No useless French Letters enclosed his crest,
For ne'er in such rubbish we bound him;
But he went like a warrior taking his rest,
With naught but his fur coat around him.
Few and short were the sighs we gave,
Though we oftentimes groaned as in sorrow,As at each stroke for the joy we'd rave,
Ne'er giving a thought for the morrow.
But as yet he had not nearly done,
And ne'er had a thought of retiring,
When suddenly to groan we again had begun
Through John Thomas silently firing.
And we thought, as he came from his narrow bed,
As lifeless and limp as a willow,
How lovley he hung down his diminished head,
And how gladly he'd rest on his pillow.
I'm bad I know... but this was the only one I could post that didn't have really bad words in it. I'll be back later! LOL
(Rick Ellis-2007)
Has anyone seen my penis
It goes by the name of Dick
It might be in the handbag
Of a two timing chick
Has anyone seen my penis
My dick I surely miss
I would like to make love again
And I’d really like to take a piss
Has anyone seen my penis
It really is not too big
It may be in the possession
Of a low down dirty pig
Has anyone seen my penis
My Johnson, my mighty cock
Last time that I saw it
It was as hard as a rock
If you find my penis
I humbly ask for its return
And tell the bitch who took it
To go to Hell and burn
What a fun blog this is on a friday. I like prick, it works well in some instances.
I'm guilty of using the word----machine----how bad is that? It's perfect for the scene I use it in though.
Can't recall any that have thrown me out of a scene. There are probably many cheesy reference, that are flying away from me right now...
TGIF
Damn. I hope no cock poetry, and if I wrote my own, it, would be a cock-up.
Oops. Hope. Have. Tried to fix it but sent it twice. Truly a cock-up.
Damn. I have no cock poetry, and if I wrote my own, it, would be a cock-up.
Oh My! Definitely out of my league today! LOL
Hellion, I've said it before and I'll be saying it again... you're I'm in awe of your genius!
Let's see words that pull me out of the story. Most of them I don't mind. Even the really crude ones if used by the right character are okay. Like a villain using the female "c" word I can take even though I really HATE that word. I guess the one word that pulls me out of the story in "manroot". It makes me think of vegetables and trees or spring planting.
That should read just... I'm in awe of your genius. No "you're". Sorry it's still kinda early here and I'm not awake yet.
I can't believe I spelled that "pools". LOL! That was a complete accident.
I do think our topic had everyone a flutter. LOL! I'm proud to take all the blame for encouraging the Captain. It's always so much fun and look what it gets us!
I'm afraid I don't know any odes, but I might try coming up with something. I can't think of anything that pools me out of the scene unless the physicality doesn't make sense. If I can't tell who is verticle and who is horizontal and how that arm reached over there, then I'm pulled out. The verbage isn't usually a problem.
But I'll go with Irish and say manroot totally doesn't work for me.
OMG, I was totally Googling at the wrong places. I should have *known* to go to Tiff & JK immediately! What the hell was I thinking?
Maggie, no worries, I thought my poem was going to be a complete cock up too...
Irish, *manroot* would do it. Seriously.
Hey, and while we're on inappropriate topics--what do you guys think of "Nicknames" that are sometimes given to--er--you know?
Best name I've heard: Smuckers. The guy actually called it Smuckers. WHY? we asked. "Because with a name like Smuckers, it has to be good."
His ex-girlfriend disagreed.
"Smuckers" OMG is that hilarious! I always love the big and little thing. If the guy's name is Bob, his -er- you know is Little Bob.
Or I suppose depending on the guy it can be switched he can be the "little" and his -er- you know can be the "big".
Okay I can already tell I'm gonna get nothing done today!
The name thing doesn't really bother me. My ex called his George after George Strait. I'm sure King George would not appreciate knowing that. I was told my ex-FIL called his Jake after that country song called "Feed Jake". But I never wanted to know that for sure so I never asked.
None of the guys I've dated in the last few years have had names for the little guy. Or at least we never got to the point of me finding out. Which in most cases was a good thing.
Well, I can't think of the most ridiculous way to refer to it right now. I'm sure I've read manroots and pulsing spears. I think also I read something about a red-veined member. (icky, that definitely doesn't do it for me).
And when I'm writing from my hero's perspective, I use cock, and when I'm writing from my heroine's, I'm a little less straightforward. She's an innocent, at least initially, and I can't imagine she'd use cock in her thinking.
That's the trick, making sure the word fits the character POV. A guy is going to think or talk in more blunt words usually. And a woman, not always but usually, is going to use less blunt words. I've read some more hard core stuff where the herione is just as blunt.
I'm one who cops out and types things like, "..he finally touched her and she moaned with relief." Well, that's lame but you know what I mean. I don't have to say where he touched her, the reader just knows.
Hellion, once again I salute your genius! And once again you make me laugh.
Speaking of laughter, "turgid shaft" always makes me laugh, but "manroot" is worse.
I don't know any odes either. All I can think of is the Paul Overstreet song that relies on double entendre:
But I think she only loves me for my willie.
Something about my willie turns her on.
It’s not all that extraordinary really,
But it’s better than my Haggard and my Jones.
It’s a little thing and you might think it’s silly,
Ah, but you can bet it’s always on her mind.
Yeah, I think she only loves me for my willie
She keeps askin for my willie all the time.
I read a passage recently where the author was in the heroine's head and wrote he touched her there. I thought it was very well done. I mean who doesn't know where "there" is. Sometimes less is more.
Ok, here's a very short ditty for you:
No, No; for my virginity,
When I lose that, says Rose, I'll die:
Behind the elms last night, cried Dick,
Rose, were you not extremely sick?
(Matthew Prior-1664-1721)
Ladies, I have a favor to ask in the name of sisterly writer fellowship.
Terry Jo Stone, known as Terru Jo to you Avon Fanlitters, has been swamped the past few months caring for her brother's family along with her own because her niece has leukemia. Today 8 year old Robynn is having a bone marrow transplant. Terry Jo is still keeping her wonderful, romantic western writing alive while dealing with all of this magnificently.
If you have a moment today, could you please drop by her blog and wish her well?
http://terryjostone.blogspot.com/
Thanks so, so much, ladies, and dear Lord, keep these posts coming! I have a terrible time getting around lately, but things will calm down, and reading blogs like these keeps a smile on my face. :)
I think we all know where THERE is. If you don't, you probably shouldn't be reading the book to begin with.
Less is more.
Janga, *LOL* That's an awesome song! Hilarious! I'm going to have to find that somewhere so I can listen to it. I would never have guessed the depths of Paul Overstreet...all his other songs are so...not like that. *LOL*
Hellion, I know. The first time I heard the song on the radio, I thought they had misidentified the artist. But PO has a full CD, "Something for the Road," of adult content songs. Another is called "Never Get Too Old To Do It." LOL! It does seem strange that these are the work of the same songwriter as "Forever and Ever, Amen" and "Sowin' Love."
Oh Hellion
That Ode Truly was Brilliant!
To my Writer Friends:
Please.
Please Don’t use childish words.
Like pee-pee or wee-wee.
I hate manroot. It sounds like something from the movie Deliverance. Ick
And the term willie… gives me the willies. Seriously, Just call It what it is. A-Doo—Hicky or a thingidy-bob. LOL
Thingidy-bob. That's going right in the manuscript, Julie! Don't you worry! I love technical terms like that!
Wow, Hellion, I am honored to have inspired you!
Gillian, thanks for the update on Terry Jo Stone’s niece. Robynn wand her family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless them & watch over them during this difficult time.
Julie
I don't think I've ever heard of that PO song. Either that or I've forgotten but even I couldn't forget that.
I kind of like Doo-Hicky. It's descriptive yet vague....
I think if I'm reading along and the author uses "penis" during a hot moment, I completely lose it. I LMAO. I try to not say any descriptive words but use the actions to describe what's going on. I can usually get around it since I'm in first person POV at the time. I mean I don't go around thinking, "Then he slid his c@ck-" And besides, I'm rather dirty and call a spade a spade. I can see where it might be harder *giggle* to finangle around descriptive words in historicals.
Here's one for the girls that bothers me. When the hero gets close or brushes her hand or says something in a sexy voice and the heroine feels a pang (or whatever) in her womb. Has any woman ever thought of or even referred to her womb? I mean, except the time I was about to spit out a kid, womb never crosses my mind.
Not in the heat of the moment do I think of my womb, no.
Do I use the word, womb? Yes. I'm always saying, "I'm feeling the call of the womb"--but that's in reference to Baby Lust. You know, when a baby is brought into the office and all work stops as every person with a uterus mysteriously flocks to the location, as if drawn there by magnets, and coos and babbles at the baby, who pretty much sleeps through the whole thing. So if I'm rocking a baby in my arms, making absurd noises and being all "maternal", I say I'm suffering the call of the womb.
Captain you are indeed the "cock" of the walk!
Awesome blog! And kudos to Eloise for renaming our object of affection:)
Lisa! I'm so glad you were able to make it today!! :)
See, that's what I mean. I never see a guy and think, "Hey, my womb just twitched. Hmmmm...."
But I'm guessing that all goes along with the *wet at the sight of him* thing. Yeah, right.
I never see a guy and think, “Hey, my womb just twitched. Hmmmm….”
That’s too funny, Terri. So have you ever thought
Hey my…
Ovaries oscillated
Uterus undulated
Fallopian tubes flopped … or flinched... or flagellated
Cervical clinked
Labia lurched
Mons pubis perked up
Mons veneris started to get seriously delirious
Womb willingly wobbled at the wondrous, wrenching wantonness of Wanting wickedness
The next one is my favorite. The second word means “To cry or screech like a cat in heat.”
Hey my…
Clitoris caterwauled
*cocking an eyebrow at Terri* I wouldn't say I've looked at a stranger and had a womb twitch moment. I have been in a flirting moment, where he hasn't laid so much as an eyelash on me--just flashed a woman-eating-grin, and I had a womb twitch moment though. It's disturbing actually.
And to be honest, it wasn't so much a womb twitch as it was something about three inches lower, but I prefer the word "womb" to the other four-letter word that could be used.
*ROTFL*
Oh, I wish my clitoris would caterwaul. Okay, not right this second, clearly.
And I think the mons veneris started to get seriously delirious was positively inspired.
See
THIS is why I could Never write Romance. I’m just not… romantic!
Hellion & Ladies, I am speechless!
Totally gobsmacked...never knew you had it in you. *wg*
Post a Comment