This is for you.

Influence this week-

 Band: Etched in Red   CD: Dylate  Song: Infallable

 

I don’t do resolutions.

 

In fact, right at this very moment, I can hear Hellion in the background yelling, “Anarchist!”

 

That isn’t the reason. I don’t do resolutions because they are the norm every New Year. No, I don’t do resolutions because I hate things that are broken with little to no effort. Not many people keep their resolutions. They are made, swept under the rug and forgotten halfway through January and not thought about again until mid-year. Then you give it another go, only to find that it’s summer and too much other stuff is going on to focus solely on the one thing you want to do the most. So you hide in underneath the bed with the killer dust bunnies until you wake up one day before Christmas and say to yourself, “WTF! It’s almost Christmas? Where did the year go!”

 

I’ll tell you where it went- it sped by without giving you a second glance.

 

That bastard.

 

I really worked hard too. He could’ve at least glance at my cleavage.

 

We’ve talked about setting goals already this year. I hate to even do these. I set a goal and I don’t reach it. I give myself another month to get there and I only fall further behind. It’s as though I slipped off the edge of the cliff and the tree root I’m clinging to is slowly slipping out of my grasp. I keep looking up, rocks hit me in the face, dirt grinding in my eyes and I’m waiting for a shadow to save me.

 

Sometimes you just have to give up on the shadow and save yourself.

 

I do three things every year. I do better than the year before. I learn one new thing and apply it in some way to my life. And, I share something of my own with someone else. Usually this doesn’t happen all at once. Last year, I went to the gym more. I learned kickboxing and used it to control my outbursts. But the last one fell out of my grasp.

 

So I have a new thing this year.

 

It is no secret that I’m a fan of Biggest Loser. This season of Biggest Loser, two former models were added to the roster. My favorite is Tara. There is energy around Tara. She’s got the willpower to change her life. She knows she can do this; she won't have it any other way. She's got the mindset to pull it all off and I LOVE that about her. One episode in and people are tired and whining and she's smiling as Jillian is kicking her ass. This girl is special.

 

I'm afriad people will just blow her off just because she's been typed as the "former model".

 

"Oh well, she had it before, I can't feel sorry for her."

 

People always believe that models don't really have to work It shows you everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes we lose our way when we try to overcome them and the mistakes seem to snowball.

 

I want her to do this. I need her to do this to make me believe it can be done. There isn’t another person before her on that show that I’ve wanted to win back her life. It’s so hard to lose something and know what it’s like to have it. When it’s just out of your grasp and you can’t see to find your way back to it. You fall further and further away from it, not only can you not reaffirm your grasp on the root holding you, there is nothing pushing you but old memories.

 

And old memories only get you into trouble. It’s true in every life.

 

So, this year my new mantra to share is- “I’m taking my life back.”

 

There is nothing in this year you can’t accomplish. You might feel overwhelmed at the moment, but it will change. New routines are hard to become good habits. One morning when you wake up before dawn, tired, broken, wanting to give up, just think, “I’m taking my life back.” It may not feel like it right away, but you grow and change and evolve. It’s not a quick fix, it is a lifestyle change.

 

Being a writer is a lifestyle change. You don’t realize it at first. Writing seeps into your veins and slowly infects you until you can’t remember a day when you didn’t think about writing. When I think about writing, I get overwhelmed at the moment. Writing is at the very bottom of my to-do list, but number one in my wants and need. I need to write in order to stay sane. I want to write to tell my story. But when I go to write, all I can hear is the sing-song voice singing, “You’ve got work to do. Neener, neener, neener.”

 

Well, to-do list, I’m taking my life back. Prepare yourself for a fight.

 

What’s on the top of your to-do list and what’s at the top of your wants and needs list? Does anyone else feel like no matter what you do, you can’t just get to solid ground? How do you get back to center?