It's no secret that movie critics hate, loathe, and despise romantic comedies. In fact, if the romantic comedy isn't something like The Break Up (NOT romantic and NOT a comedy) or an Indie film version of what is considered romantic and funny, then they will pan it every time. I've been waiting for The Proposal to come out since I saw the trailer clip; and fortunes of fortunes, I got to go yesterday to watch it.

In the last movie review of it I read--the movie critic being a woman, no less--she panned it that Ryan Reynolds was a Ken doll, with all the acting abilities, et al, that a plastic icon can generate. All I have to say is that bitter, angry critic can kiss my romantic-comedy lovin' butt. That movie was a riot. And I enjoyed staring deep into Ryan's big brown eyes and holding my breath every time he took off his shirt.

The naked scene is ten-times funnier than it is in the movie clip.

Now you may be asking yourself, why is the Captain being allowed to blog hotties today and not Terri, who is impartial...and not seen The Proposal. The Bo'sun is busily writing her last college paper [update: finished her paper and final and is now intoxicated with excitement] --and well, she said you can't have enough beefcake pictures of dear, darlin' Ryan.

Great news! We have two great guests this week.

Monday we welcome the awesome and possibly insane (you'll understand when you hear what she has in the works) Victoria Dahl to the Pirate ship for the first time.  Victoria is celebrating the release of her second Contemporary novel, START ME UP, this Wednesday.  If you haven't already, add that to your TBB list!!

Then Tuesday we keep 'em coming with the return of one of our favorites and honorary Pirate, Dee S. Knight. Dee has TWO releases this month, the Paranormal Menage Romance novella THE ELIXER in the Tasty Treats anthology and the full-length THE FIREMAN AND THE ICE QUEEN from Liquid Silver.

Who's your favorite hottie this week? And what do you think of romantic comedies? Love 'em or hate 'em?

Bo'sun edit: It seemed a shame to waste this blog after the Captain worked so hard on it.  And wasting this kind of eye candy is pretty much a crime, so I'm cheating and using it today. PIRATE. 

Because of my super ninja awesomeness, we're having a special guest today. I'm not one to brag (why is it that I can hear my mother's voice inside my head laughing while saying, "You are a rooster, watch you strut.") but I have the bestest person joining the crew today. I can say this because I've met her in person and she's super fab and really encouraging and a great CP.

 

Joining me today on the ship is Anne Krist (author of Burning Bridges, and "sister" to Dee S. Knight whose The Fireman and the Ice Queen releases this June). Today's blog is an article Anne wrote as  an ode to local book signings. (I like to call it, "I feel pretty" because she got it stuck in my head.) I'll turn it over to so you can now realize how a real writer keeps you enthralled on a Wednesday.

 

Take it away, Anne.

***

Book signings are the joy and the bane of writers. They can be full of fun where readers, friends and family stop and chat whether they buy a book or not, and they can be long-line joyous successes where you sell so many books you go home singing I Feel Pretty.

 

Then there is the other kind of signing event, the lonely kind, sometimes more familiar to authors who aren't really well-known. You can imagine what I mean if you haven't experienced it yourself. You sit at a little table not large enough for your signs and goodies and books, smiling at everyone who walks past. Their eyes flash questioning looks; you try to look reassuring, friendly. You say, "Have you read my latest romance?" They move their children to their far side, away from the crazy woman holding up the trade paperback, and hurry them along. Or they hasten by not making eye contact. Or they stand in front of the table, blocking it from everyone else, picking up a book, putting it down. Picking it up, putting it down. Picking it... Until they walk away buying nothing. Grrrr.

 

I had a signing this past Saturday in the adorable little bookstore in my adorable little town here in Illinois. My day was marginally successful but I do have a few tips and one or two things I'm changing for next time.

 

Don't bring chocolates. Really. I was surprised but here's the lesson I learned. Women in my adopted hometown do not appreciate one of God's greatest creations. Even their children walked past the basket of Kisses and Dove hearts without a backward glance. Is there something in the water here?? I mean, isn't it un-American to pass up chocolates? It was Valentine's Day, and what else should I have brought as an enticing treat to lure people to the table? After all, flowers are a moment's fleeting pleasure while chocolate is forever. On the hips, at least. Anyway, next book signing, I'm bringing a crudités tray.

 

Speak to everyone. I think I said something to every child who passed my way and every harried mother, as well as the two elderly gentlemen who looked more like they read Civil War histories than romance. But you never know, right?

 

Stand and address people. The aisles in my bookstore were too narrow for me to stand in them, but if you can, stand-don't sit-by your table, book poised and at the ready. Greet store patrons when they get close enough and jam your book in their grubby, little hands. Hard. Keep contact until they get the idea they can't just drop it on the table again. Some potential buyers are deviously stubborn in their resistance to buying your book.

 

Make sure you've met your support team. The manager in my store is a lovely person, but she was tied up almost the whole time I was there. My support system were two wonderful high school students. Before things got busy, we chatted. Afterward, they greeted people with, "Please stop and meet our local author." They also helped with anything I needed.

 

Invite every single person you know. Everyone. We have a very small family and I don't push my books on them, believe me. But I definitely guilted them into coming to the book signing. Why? Because no one knows if your family buys your books or not, but everyone knows if you sit two hours and not a single person shows up at a book signing. You at least have to have family. Besides, it's times like these when you really see the up side of having relatives close by. Make the most of it.

 

Have fun. I didn't sell all the books I took and displayed so artfully, but I did have a good time meeting other people in town. And I had my choice of chocolates.  J

 

Most publishers will tell you that book signings aren't worth the time if you're going for the big sales. That's possibly true. I was part of a book signing a few years ago where a my only customer, a man, hemmed and hawed over Your Desire for so long I finally gave him the book. How humiliating. However, greed and desire to be famous aside, other aspects of book signings make them fun and worthwhile. So much so, I might schedule another one for next Saturday. Or not.

 

Do you have book signing stories to share? Or questions? Please send them in, or I'll feel all alone, and I had enough of that on Saturday.

Writing and procrastination. They seem to go hand in hand, don’t they?

Pirates procrastinate like no one’s business. Something to do with the rum. Boatswain Terri doesn’t know how to procrastinate (see: yesterday) because she schedules in her own rum and potty breaks, but we other pirates don’t have schedules—and we find that free time where we get to choose how to spend it when we get it is wasted on rum, men, and song.

These are not bad ways to waste time. There was this brawn lad in Glasgow once I…. Uh, gotta keep the blog length manageable, but let me say, it’s not a bad way to spend time. It just won’t get your book written. You need to write your book.

We procrastinate for the craziest of reasons. Like…I’m waiting for my muse to inspire me. No, your muse is drunk with you—and trying to steal your men while she’s at it. Waiting for your trollopy muse to inspire you is like waiting for a man to get up and do the dishes.

You end up doing the dishes, right? Usually after you’ve nagged him to death and finally given up he will do anything about it. And the dishes are just as clean and done as if you had had him do them.

So reverse your normal mantra and instead say: Write now, procrastinate later.

What’s your favorite thing to procrastinate on? And how do you procrastinate? Any rum takers?

P.S. I’m promoting The Romance Vagabonds today because Dee S. Knight is blogging today. www.romancevagabonds.com. She writes these *hawt* books with characters so real you want them to be your neighbors. Go talk to her!