Thursday, November 3, 2011
Reflections
So, I sent off my third book for the final polish this week. The third of the Kraken’s Caribbean series, The Pirate Circus is basically out of my hands. I get one more look at it, checking for typos and the like…but for the most part…she’s free now.
Wow. What a year. Six books. Three novels, three shorts. All out there, floundering, swimming, sinking, sailing… I have no idea what will 2012 will bring. My agent has two novels in submission and we’re gonna talk next week about the numerous projects I have on my laptop at present. (Reminds me, I need to back up…)
Autumn always has me reflecting on things. It’s a gathering/harvest sort of time of the year for me. (Anything to avoid contemplating the next two months of holiday frenzy. Run away! Run away!)
Last month, at my ICD support group – interior cardio defibrillator, my personal little EMT battery powered pack in my chest… The coordinator asked all of us if we think about the anniversary of the incident that saw us with our little device.
Most don’t. I do.
Consider… 2007, April. I was doing okay. I wasn’t in the best shape mentally. I was doing really good with Weight Watchers, but there was a lot of family stuff that made life a bit harsh. Dad was failing (he passed a few months later), Sister, Last Chance, and I were on the outs in a big way… Husband’s job was looking dicey.
Then I tried to die. April 22, 2007. Changed my life.
Flash forward to April 22, 2008. I remember sitting in the hotel room in Pittsburgh, looking out at a sparkling city, having arrived at the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention. I was getting ready to go downstairs and meet the other aspiring authors. My first convention, my first acknowledgement of wanting to be published. (It was hard to keep my hand away from my left shoulder, where I could feel my ICD, ready for me if I needed it.)
Next April 22, 2009. Orlando…RT again. I pitched to agents and editors. Got requests, too! (Still knew my ICD was there, but not so sensitive about it.)
April 22, 2010. Columbus…RT was over, I was on the way home. I’d pitched again…and one of those pitches was to Saritza Hernandez, who would offer me representation a few months later. (Wandered around Columbus not paying attention to my scar.)
April 22, 2011. Los Angeles, RT. I was signing postcards for my e-books. The next day, signing the print editions of The Kraken’s Mirror. (If asked about the scar, just told my story.)
April 22, 2012? RT will be in Chicago and early that year…I’ll be home after another convention by the 22nd, probably still unpacking and trying to figure out where to put all the stuff I brought home.
What a wild last few years!
It’s autumn, six months from my April anniversary, but this is the time of the year for thoughtful reflection. April is crazy for me, I barely think about anything but RT on this month! I think about who I am and how far I’ve come in Autumn.
We all have those dates. The dates that live in infamy…but they aren’t always a pivot point for failure. Even those that frighten us the most can, in the end, be our biggest rocket fuel. The death of a loved one, the birth of a child…the day we found out we had cancer…or are clear of cancer. They can carry equal weight. Though we tend as a society to dwell more on the dark moments.
But like what we write, those dark moments are necessary to illuminate the bright and are often the substantial kick in the ass our characters need to get their acts together and live.
It worked that way for me. Though I never wish such a drastic boot in the ass for anyone!
Really, pay attention and learn from the slap on the cheek, not the gun in the gut! Let the almighty, the great guru, whatever you believe in, communicate with the cheek tap…not the boot in the butt. Listen! Trust me, it’s easier to just listen and pay attention to the small stuff then to get the stuffing kicked out of you!
So! What is your date? Or the date of your character if you don’t want to share too much…
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72 comments:
Huh. I don't have just one date. There are a few anniversaries that I celebrate each year. It's not always the date though. It's the time of year, like you say.
I think I'm going to talk about my characters. My heroine celebrates the day of her son's birthday and the date of her son's father's hanging.
My hero? His father's death.
I'll be back for more in a little. I'm in need of a caffeine drip today.
Great post, Chance. I'm glad the anniversaries have gotten better each year for you. :) Even better that you can celebrate writing things too.
The fall is a good time for reflection, since you can see the visible evidence of Mother Nature's efforts to put the world to bed for the winter. It can have a bit of a melancholy aspect to it too.
My date is October 28th, when my mom died. It was a few days before my birthday, and we had her funeral the day after my birthday. Which is why I make such a fuss of "my big day". :) It helps blur the other events if I focus on my birthday month.
The following year I went to my first RT conference, and I started writing in earnest, so that's a good thing. :)
Marn - I think we all have our special dates, but a few ring a louder bell. I can totally understand your character's dates...birth=hope=newness... and death=hopelessness=uncertainty. And with her new hero...a new birth!
We do have a meloncholy society and events that herald an end always seem to hold more weight...
I love the stillness of this time of the year. There is a sort of hush as the earth prepares for after the harvest. (Then the modern holidays hit and it all goes to hell.)
Like me, you had several things happen all at once... Your Mom, your birthday...I can understand the need to blur. It's also a good time to celebrate your Mom's life. My Dad passed on the Fourth of July in 2007. 10 weeks after I nearly died, three weeks after I had my ICD implanted. I remember seeing him the week after my implant, showing him the scar and he understood what it meant. And was happy for me, that I wouldn't live in fear.
The Fourth is also my niece's b-day and now we try to get together each year and celebrate her birth and my father's life. Knowing it is what he would have wanted.
RT and you, too? Yeah, something about that conference is easier to a newbie taking their first steps!
Have a great b-day month. Next month, my turn!
I will sound cliche-ish, but I started writing seriously after September 11. When that happened, I was just so sad for those families, those people--I still am. It wasn't long after that that I found an online critique group and started writing my Lucy story (the first one I finished). I found a great CP--Kat--and though we decided to break away from the critique group (they were kinda nightmarish *LOL*), we kept each other inspired.
Kat believed in my story so much she sent me a laptop for Christmas, so I would finish my book (since I had been writing at work *cough* and couldn't do it anymore with the increase of duties). I finished the book in April 2002 (that is probably an anniversary date I remember a lot. *LOL* The date I finished my first manuscript. I don't know the date I finished the 2nd manuscript. *LOL*)
I have dates in my head. I'm almost always aware when it's my mother's death date...and her birthday. I tend to be somewhat aware when my aunts/uncle died (October mostly). I send them up a prayer when I think of it.
I don't have too many baby birthdays in my head. *LOL* I come from a family where there's more deaths than births. And with friends, I tend to remember the first kid's birthday and no one else's. *LOL*
Wow, Chance. What a wonderful journey! I’m really impressed that you took your negative and turned it into a positive. You never know how something like that is going to affect your life. Some people would have considered it a death sentence and given up instead of thinking they had another shot at it. And what a fabulous job you did with your second shot. Good for you!
I’ve been thinking about your question all morning and trying to place my change on someone close to me dying. It’s happened a lot over the past 10 years – my father, both my in-laws, my best friend. Let’s face it death or near death is a huge catalyst. But the more I think about it the more I realize that although all of their deaths affected me deeply, none of them changed me. The one event in my life that did change me (for the better) was the fear of losing the person I loved and being afraid I’d be alone, miserable and repeating my parent’s unhappy life. When that happened, over 25 years ago, I decided to take action and become a different person. So, I suppose my date is more like an entire year – 1986.
Every so often I look back and remember the girl I used to be and I don’t recognize her anymore (which is a good thing). It’s funny, though, cause sometimes I still have some of the negative tapes I used to listen to running through my head. Sometimes we pigeonhole ourselves into being a certain way and we won’t let ourselves step outside that box… you’re the serious one, not the funny one; you’re the listmaker, not the spontaneous one; you’re the careful one, not the risk taker; you’re the practical one, not the creative one; etc., etc. Took a lot of work to realize I could do and be anything I wanted.
I heard the guy who started Amazon.com talk the other day on his decision to give up Wall Street and try to make a go of his own business. He said he pictured himself being 80 and looking back over his life. He said he would never regret leaving his job and taking a chance on Amazon.com but he would regret staying in a job he hated and never trying to make a go of it.
It’s a shame that sometimes it takes something drastic to change our lives for the better, but I’m sure I’m not the only glad you took advantage of your Second Chance!
Great blog :)
There's a real danger to only remembering one kid's b-day. I always know how old my oldest nephew is, because I was 13 when he was born. The rest?
*shrug!
Hey, as long as I sent those baskin robbins GCs each year, I don't think they cared.
Some big dates will live with all of us... I remember watching the shuttle explode on TV, the towers fall, the funeral of Martin Luther King on the radio...
I know, I want more positive dates in my head. I don't have any birth's to hang a hat on, save for my re-birth of sorts.
I think October and the autumn in general is a good time of the year to think of those you have passed on...the earth collected her harvest, afterall. Or the divine one, whatever floats your boat!
Wow, Hel...sent you a laptop. That is someone who really believed! One of these days...you need to put a final finish to that story and get it out there!
I can remember the place I began writing the first story of A Caribbean Spell...and the time of day. Morning, Starbucks, Main Street, Watsonville. I can't tell you the date. I wish I could! One of those things I wish the computer did was track the very first time a doc is opened. Though mine started as handwritten on Morning Pages, so I bet I could dig it out. I still have those notebooks... Hmmmm!
Wonderful blog. Between the blog and the comments, I'm getting all misty. Even for the happy stuff.
My dates are a birth and a divorce. My daughter was born in July of 1999 and sometimes it feels as if that's the moment my life started. Though I think often on events that took place many years before that. With her birth I found my purpose in life. Which sounds like my purpose is to be a mother, but it's really to be the best person I can be. That's what I can give her. Embrace life. Tackle it. Dance with it.
That's what I'm meant to do. For her.
My divorce was final in March of 2002 so almost 10 yrs now. Took another nine months to come out of the fog, but when I did, it was awesome. True liberation. I don't recommend everyone get divorced, lol, but if you can find something that makes you feel total freedom like that, do it!
You're an inspiration, Chance. (But next month is MY birthday month. And it's a doozy. *sigh*)
Gods, Irish! So right! We do pigeonhole ourselves, or let others do it to us. And breaking out of that is a birth of sorts. I applaud your knowing the need to break free and live without the regret of not taking steps to change.
I adopted the name 2nd Chance because it really encompassed what I felt about the gift I was given. I've only ever lost one important person in my life - my Dad - and the PTSD I suffered after my near death experience kept me very distant from that event. I sometimes wonder if things would be different if I'd been more 'present' but in the end, having that distance probably was the best thing for me. I was able to speak at his funeral and see in a way that proved more difficult for my siblings.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me today. I love hearing of changes made without that near death stuff... It fills me with hope for everyone to take steps and chances in a gentler fashion!
OT: Assassin has an awesome interview at Sugarbeats. Check it out.
http://sugarbeatsbooks.com/2011/11/04/interview-with-leslie-langtry-author-of-scuse-me-while-i-kill-this-guy/
I have plenty of dates but none are really the reason I write. I don't think about those things. I only want to see the future.
Kiki's date is the day her father beat her so bad she lost her memory partially. Things come to her now, nag her in the back of her brain but she can't remember why they feel familiar.
Kiki says it's a lot like being held underwater and wanting nothing more than to reach the surface and breathe. As her writer and co-conspirator, I know that day was beyond horrific for her. Some things are better blocked off.
It plays a big part in the one I'm working on for NaNo this month. She's been working a contract for computer security and then entire time there is something nagging her about the owner and his son.
I have to echo Ter. This is a wonderful blog. And the comments that have been put out here are good too. Everyone is so introspective.
Terrio! Your story makes me think of that scene with Jack Nicholson,where he tells some chick. "You make me want to be a better man."
Your daughter brought a focus into your life. Not to surrender to being a mom, so much as accepting the responsibility of being the best possible example you could be. And that includes being flawed, btw. Not that you are flawed in anyway, shape or form!
(Woo! Did I bail myself out of that one?)
Sometimes we all need a focus, a reason... It's too bad that just living isn't enough for most of us, but it's the simple truth.
That's right, we share the month of December...yes, it's a big one, but it's just a number!
Nice interview, Assassin! And you read that, Terrio? Who she wants to be??? ;-)
Sin - You know me, I'm a big believer that our characters reflect who we are. And though we may not share their exact trauma, the reality of their drive and emotions come back to us. You feel Kikki because she is some part of you. Even if only in a dream...
Drowning is so evocative as an experience to write... And water, well...water is the birthplace! I think...maybe...that is one of the reasons my books keep sliding back into it, no matter where I start. Even in space...
Great interview, Assassin! Loved it!
I know! She wants to be the fictional me. Which is ironic because I too would like to be the fictional me. LOL! Even though I don't get the guy. *gimlet stare at Assassin* At least I got a nice parting gift.
I'm trying to think of important dates for my characters. Hmmm...I got nothing. Except maybe the day my H/H met on the ferry.
At least I got a nice parting gift.
This is code for "a really hot man" right? And not code for "a bullet between the eyes", which is the Assassin's normal nice parting gift.
I don't know, Terrio...I want to be Miranda and Emily and...all of my characters! ;-)
As for your character's dates...what about the day her Mom bailed on her totally?
Beth was less than 2 when her mom died. She has no memory of her parents. But their mistakes followed her through her childhood, thanks to grandparents determined not to see history repeated in her.
I got THE really hot man. Who will dump me in two years if patterns hold true. But still. Two years with George wouldn't be bad.
Okay...Beth probably has the date her grandparents spelled out to her all the mistakes dear old Mom made. It might not be an actual calender date...might be like with Irish...a year when she resolved to not be her mother, in anyway, shape or form...
She was sort of programmed over time. Must not disappoint. Must make others happy. Must never rebel. Hers is a lifetime of training, not a moment (or year) in time thing. Until the end of her book. Then she finds her wings, thanks to her hero.
As it should be!
Kiki's experience with drowning is what brought on the thought. Her father was a cruel man. Dex and Dom tried to shelter her the best they could but until Tory came into the picture, Kiki just learned how to turn it all off and resign herself.
Kiki will never truly be all right. Even when her father is dead. She's always going to have that duality about her.
Tory is who is more reflective of who I am. Her personality definitely- among other characteristics.
George needs to be named like a weather pattern or a season--like the El Georgo. You know when you're experiencing the El Georgo, you're going to have fine weather and the best time for two years, and then you'll experience depression and a decrease in celebrity. *LOL* And you'll probably end up on DWTS.
I want to be Miranda and Emily and…all of my characters!
I think in some part we all want to live vicariously through our characters. I definitely want to live vicariously through The Assassin's characters most days. There is a certain charm from being a part of an assassin family.
Sin - Sounds a bit like Ivy in The Changed World... She is haunted by Ursus and what he did. It isn't ever going away, even after she sees him dead. The realization that his death didn't free her the way she thought it would sets off a bomb inside her. Who is she if she isn't living for revenge anymore?
Bosun - You don't think she ever really sat down and formalized her belief? Hmmm...well, not until she decided to shift it. I actually like that. The date she will remember is the date she accepts her past was lived for others and her future is going to be hers, alone. And the heroes, of course!
Careful, 2nd, don't screw with a character who's working. *LOL* You're asking questions that Bo'sun may not know because Beth is not sharing and isn't absolutely necessary. You don't want the wagon to fall apart at the wheels. If it's not broken, don't be fixing it.
Ending up on DWTS stars isn't bad...you learn how to dance, get to wear glitzy dresses and lose weight! Win, win, win!
Eh, I have faith in Terrio on this...she's got this book locked down! And Beth is figured out...
I once started a blog called, Bent but not Broken... ;-)
Sin...I might like to be one of the Assassin's sidekicks...don't do the actual killing, but stick around and make snarky comments. Maybe the ghost of a mistake killing, just poking at one of them...
These questions are okay, though I'm seeing major missed opportunities through my WIP to touch on these emotions. So that's good!
When it's subconsciously done, it's harder to pin down. This is programming from birth. And I think she's kept people at a distance because she fears there's a part of her mother lying dormant in her. That sort of comes out when she gets trashed on tequila and goes on an emotional roller coaster ride. Which the hero has no idea what to do with. LOL!
El Georgo. LOL! Ironic then that he's now dating a woman who was on DWTS BEFORE he met her.
…don’t do the actual killing, but stick around and make snarky comments
The perfect sidekick- the snarky one. LOL
"Could he bleed any less?" Picking at her fingernail, "Jesus."
I'm so confused on this Georgo thing...
I once started a blog called, Bent but not Broken…
Uhm. Huh?
I once started a blog called, Bent but not Broken…
Hellie started it with the if it ain't broke, don't fix it line... And yup, I did start this blog about heroines and heroes...which are broken and we fix and which are bent and we use it... I'll get around to actually finishing it one of these days...
"Do you know how hard it is to get brains out of silk? That tie is toast and it's one your sister gave you!"
“Do you know how hard it is to get brains out of silk? That tie is toast and it’s one your sister gave you!”
Awesome.
Uhm, I think I was completely on a different page thinking about Bent but not Broken
*slinking off to the crow's nest*
Sin - I went there too. I mean, some of them are "bent" pretty far to one side or the other.
I know. It's really fascinating. But they always get so upset about scrutiny. I'm not scrutinizing to mock or make fun- seriously. I don't have one. I'm just a little bit curious of these things.
Not that I get to see multiples of them NOW. Ter, go out and do some research, would ya?
I'll take that mission. Wait...
Actually, the bent ones scare me. Things aren't supposed to take a hard right in there. (No pun intended. I think.)
You guys need to get your minds out of the gutter!
Uhm, you've met us... right?
A 90 degree angle might be a little more than you bargained for. I'm thinking like the 10 degree might hit the right spot. It's like a built for you toy. Just gotta find the right position.
Right. Is she new here?
Oh, 10 degrees might be interesting. Yes, research is needed in this area. And maybe a special hammock.
You measure the degree of bent?
You are so bent!
"Hey, sit still, I need to get my protracter out..."
"No! Not for that!"
I hear swings are fun.
Okay...that was weird...I made a comment and the entire blog disappeared... Here I am...back...
Swings are fun! Always loved the feel of a breeze ruffling my skirt...
Oh, that sort of swing...
I don't know. I get motion sick easy. But I never get sea sick. Which is nuts, but there you go.
But roller coasters don't make you sick...or ferris wheels? Or merry-go-rounds?
Merry-go-rounds can me ill. Any kind of fast spinning. Roller coasters I'm good provided my feet aren't dangling.
I know. It’s really fascinating. But they always get so upset about scrutiny. I’m not scrutinizing to mock or make fun- seriously. I don’t have one. I’m just a little bit curious of these things.
God, I love this blog.
Nothing like shifting perspective, from reflection to examination of men's junk...
*snort!
That is reflection for me. I reflect back to research I can't do anymore. Therefore, this becomes Ter's task.
Hey! Donna is single too.
Wait, what am I saying? *throws coffeemaker over the side - Donna dives in*
Mission accepted.
Way to take one for the team, Terri. *LOL*
Great, now the kraken is gonna be wired on caffeine...
I switched to decaf months ago. But don't tell Donna.
Mums the word...
And time fer me ta get the pirate pup out for a stroll...while there is blue sky and no rain...
I'm impressed w/myself...between blog postings, I've done some de-cluttering...! Whoop! I can see my carpet! And all those little white paw prints the corn starch kitty litter we use causes...
Must break out vaccume cleaner...
What a lovely posting. And what successes you've had this year. Give yourself a big pat on the back (or chocolate).
I'm not good at dates, because my brain doesn't work that way. That's why I suck at history as a subject. I just don't care to remember the exactly date when Washington crossed the Delaware.
The death of a friend of ours about a decade ago was a turning point for me. He died young and unexpectedly of asthma. His death made me realize that I'd never be happy in a traditional, 8-to-5 career. I remember the situation, the feelings it brought to the surface, but I don't remember the date.
The closest thing to a date in my head is Thanksgiving 2008 when my little dog died. She was at least 18; had been with me for nearly every momentous occasion in my adult life; and was the kindest being I've ever met. Ever. I don't know how she ended up with an asshole like me. I don't have kids. She was the closest I'll ever get. I'd like to say, I'm over it, but I'm not. Which is why I don't celebrate Thanksgiving anymore and bury myself with work this time of year.
Maybe someday, I'll look back and see a turning point. But not yet.
Pat...you have turning points...whether you have a date or not... You have turning point events...least it sure seems like that to me. Your friend's death gifted you with relfections on what you wanted and didn't want... And yeah, the death of a beloved fur child? Been there, done that.
I have asked more fur folk into my house, but will any be to me what Archie was? Doubtful...
*hands on hips* Where the hell is the coffeemaker? No, not you, Hottie #1. *simpers* You don't have kitchen duty this month. Guess we'll have to send the rest of the Hotties on a Search-and-Rescue mission. *whistles* Okay, Hotties. Over the side you go. But not with your clothes on. The dryer is on the fritz, and we spent the repair money on rum so. . .yes, that's it. Pile everything up right here. :)
I like the way this girl thinks...
I just hope krakey doesn't mistake any of them for inner critics...
Thanks, Ter. I figured it would help us "straighten out" our research this way too. :)
Chance, I think krakey knows the difference. LOL For one thing, don't we usually hogtie the inner critics before tossing 'em over?
I let 'im sneak a tentacle up and catch 'em by surprise! The looks on their faces is so precious that way! But 'e likely will know the diff, since most ICs don't jump in willingly...
Last in first out, that's me today!
For some people these sudden changes do occur of course.
There is a branch of mathematics devoted to them (catastrophe theory)
It's like climbing out on a tree limb. The branch bends then bends some more then suddenly it snaps and the tree is changed forever.
For other people the major catastrophes are absent.
Life just evolves on a fairly predictable path.
I'm one of those ..... boring I know, but happy for it!
Chance, your meteoric rise is truly impressive.
Did your writing really start with your dicing with death or had you been writing well before that?
I would guess that the catastrophic event just focussed the effort as you realised how fragile life can be. You would have become a published author anyway taking a little longer perhaps.
When you have a writer in your soul I suspect he/she will always find a way.... eventually :)
You should write a biography next Chance
Stranger than fiction! *grin*
I like that Catastrophe Theory...great title for a book!
Q - I'd been writing for a few years, reams and reams of writing, but I didn't even consider trying to publish. I was convinced my fragile ego would just collapse at my first rejection. Absolutely convinced I'd literally crawl into a hole and die if rejected.
Then, I nearly died. And months later, a therapist helping me deal with the PTSD and knew I'd been writing, asked me... "What is the worst that can happen, once you've almost died?"
A week later I signed up to go to RT.
It took that 'shock' to my system to wake me up, I suppose. Would I have eventually moved forward with out it? I don't know, I've let other creative outlets fade away into nothing. Making jewelry, singing...would writing have gone the same? Possibly...
And never deride boring. I certainly would have rather come to publication in a more boring fashion! I still get scared sometimes, having this metal shock box in my chest...but the alternative is scarier!
Always glad to see you stop by, Quantum! Have some scotch while you're here!
Chance, do you really keep a vintage scotch hidden away there?
You darling pirate!
Make mine a double :)
Time for me lunch break... Now, to update...
I wasn't nominated for any of the RT Awards. They so need a kraken category. Or...as Terrio suggested...a Romantic Adventure Category! Who's with me!? Let's storm the magazine!
After lunch.
Q - I gots everthing at this new bar...
*giggle!
He called me darling!
Careful with that one, Chance. He'll charm you right out of your catastrophe theory.
*wink wink nudge nudge*
I really have no idea what I was going for there....
Always loved that Python sketch...
Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!
Chance, it's good to read about your "life" in dates. My sister's sudden illness was the date for me. It urged me on, to publish my stories. Now 2 years 9 months later, I'm surprised that I've 8 books in print and they are all selling well. My sister has recovered now. I hope to continue with my writing and publishing life. It's very satisfying. But 6 books a year? Are you a wonderwoman?
My Darcy Vibrates…
Enid - Good for you! Yeah, those things that kick us in the ass...I understand how life sometimes pushes us...and I know I wish it were easier for all of us.
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