Thursday, May 26, 2011
I'm NOT Going to Kill Paris...I'm NOT Going to Kill Paris...
I would like to kill Paris Bombay. Yes, I love him and I know you love him too. He's just a pain in my ass at this particular moment in time.
Now, mind you, I want to kill all my characters at some point. Usually as I near the end of the book. Don't worry, it goes away. At least, it always has before.
The problem is that Paris is stubborn. I want him to go left but he insists on going right. I put a Tom Collins in his hand...he only wants a Pink Grasshopper. I want him to kill the bad guy...but he doesn't think the bad guy is bad enough. Go figure.
I don't make a habit out of arguing with my characters. It stresses me out and it isn't good for business. It's just that Paris is...well, persnickety. For example, we recently had this conversation:
Me: What's the problem now?
Paris: I don't wear briefs.
Me: They're not briefs. They're those things that are like boxers but with briefs material.
Paris: I want boxers.
Me: I want whatever these are. Trust me - they're comfortable and cute.
Paris: I want boxers made of Egyptian cotton, at least 600 thread count.
Me: You're a dude. How do you even know what thread count is?
Paris: It doesn't matter. I just do. And that's what I want.
Me: Fine! I'll give you the expensive boxers. I just thought the other things displayed your "package" better.
Paris: They must be snow white and don't call that my "package."
Me: Now you're just getting ridiculous.
Paris: (snifs) It's insulting. Call it my "manhood" if you must call it something.
Me: Uh, I'm not doing that.
Paris: Why not?
Me: Because I don't write stuff like "manhood." I'll call it your "junk."
Paris: No, you will not. You will never, ever call it my "junk." Never.
Me: Okay, your penis and testicles then.
Paris: (wrinkling his nose at my Mad Housewife Chardonnay) I refuse to let you do that. You are being condescending now.
Me: What??? You're the one obsessed with underwear! And stop making faces! Mad Housewife is a fine chardonnay!
Paris: It costs $6. (makes gagging sound)
Me: Hey! Stop insulting my beverage!
Paris: When I'm not drinking cocktails, I should be savoring 40-year old scotch.
Me: I don't even get that for my husband...
Paris: And another thing, why all the Sinatra on my iPod? I also like Rachmaninoff...
Me: That's it! Enough with the demands or I'll give you an afro, dress you in a purple and orange leisure suit, make you wear tidy whities with your name written in sharpie on the label and you'll drink Everclear from a dixie cup in a paper bag.
Paris: Hey! You can't do that!
Me: No! YOU can't do that!
I'll straighten him out. At least I'm not arguing with myself...
oh...wait...
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27 comments:
Paris...manhood? Dear boy, that is just not done! It's like saying crotch-rocket...third leg...
Who are you written for, dearest? Fourteen year olds?
Trust Leslie, dear. Trust Leslie!
Never mind the underpants, concentrate on the scotch.
I'm with Paris. A well dressed killer should definitely be drinking vintage scotch!
Do I even have to tell you what the title of this blog did to me? Huh?? No, I didn't think so. I mean, I know *I'm* going to die in this book, and I can live with that. (That doesn't sound right.) But Paris has to live. I mean, it's a given.
Afraid I have to agree on the scotch as well. I once did a shot of 18 yo scotch and my face tingled for 30 minutes. I'm curious to see what would tingle with the 40yo stuff. ;)
I can live with the boxers, but how about a compomise and you could call it his "Little Assassin"?
I love boxers actually. *LOL* So I can't blame him there. And I might even be with him on the Scotch. I also like the term "Little Assassin". But if he's going to sneer at my $6 wine, I will club him with the bottle. That's all I'm saying.
LOL! I like Little Assassin, but he might take "umbrage" with the word "little."
Wait! He's Paris. It's his Eiffel Tower!
His Partner in Crime? Then I guess he'd take umbrage with "crime".
Weapon of Mass Destruction. Can't find any umbrage with that, surely.
I just spit Diet Coke onto my keyboard. Gotta go find a rag...
Chance, pass Leslie one of those Shamwows.
Sorry.
We have those! Woo hoo!
At least I’m not arguing with myself…
oh…wait…
hahahahahaha.
Personally, I think he might have a point about 600-ct Egyptian cotton boxers. Hmmmm, what about jet black ones. Elegant, yet sleek :)
Oh, the Eiffel Tower! PERFECT! One of the wonders of the world isn't it? *LOL* Everyone goes to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower.
Call it his "twig and berries." That'll show him.
Although I have to agree on the thread count. Low thread count = burlap. Demand nothing but the best, Paris. (And I'm also with ya on the Rachmaninoff.)
Everyone goes to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower.
yes!!!!
This is going to be a bad day for my day job computer...
Would that make his bedroom doorway the Arc de Triomphe?
I'd buy a ticket for that.
You know what? I think it would. And his body should be in the Louvre.
I'm trying to remember if I've had any conversations like this with my characters. There was the time I was writing a scene where the heroine was late for work. Could not make the scene work. Five or so tries in and I decided to write her as being on time. Flowed great from there.
If she had just told me she's never late, it could have saved me several hours of frustration.
Exactly! I remember Jennifer Cruisie telling a story at RWA - she said one day, her character said to her, "My brother is coming for a visit." Jennifer said she stopped and asked, "You have a BROTHER???"
I'm writing a love triangle with involving two brothers and recently figured out the brothers are not actually brothers. Not blood brothers anyway.
Filed this under "Good to know".
I do adore when characters sass back. Granted, I'm loopy enough to generally nod and follow their lead.
That doesn't mean we're crazy...right?
We're not. I can't speak for how many of you there are! ;-)
I don't think I am. Yes, you are! No I'm not! Shut up!
She is you know, she really is.
But so are you.
I know I am, but what are you?
Thirsty! Let's have some rum!
I think we can all agree on that!
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