Wednesday, December 8, 2010
RELAX! And other things to help with the holidays AND writing
I was just at Walmart yesterday. I try to go to Walmart at off times. No weekend trips. No evening trips. I go first thing in the morning on boring weekdays. I only needed a couple things—diapers, dishwashing liquid, and rock salt (we could get a storm here this weekend.)
Walmart was a mess.
The return line was out the front door. Unwanted Hanukkah presents, perhaps? The parking lot was a mess. People everywhere, cars so far away they needed a shuttle service to reach the door. It’s freezing cold here and the poor folks collecting carts looked miserable. The lines to checkout? Long and filled with grumbling patrons.
Happy Holidays.
This is the part of the gift-giving season I can’t stand. Everyone’s trying to snag that great deal, trying to find the presents they need or their kids just have to have. Stores are out of stock of the high-demand items. People are stressed about money, about planning parties and food. About travelling.
I’m not buying into it this year.
I finished Christmas shopping for my kids right before Thanksgiving. I have a few gifts for relatives but I’ve cried off buying some gifts this year. The old, “Don’t buy for me, I won’t buy for you.” Or we decided to do dinner or something fun together instead. I’ve stuck to immediate family members and, honestly, my siblings and a few of my DH’s siblings don’t even exchange any longer. I’m making candy and chocolate and baked goods for hostess gifts and my hubby’s office exchanges.
In short, I’m all about minimizing.
I needed a reboot. I’ve spent the past decade travelling all over at Christmastime, buying loads of unnecessary presents, and generally making myself nuts. I would over clean every nook and cranny of my house, drive myself insane with “have-tos” and “still-need-tos” and end up making myself a giant mess. At the end, I’d sigh a big sigh of relief and thank the Lord for January.
Not exactly the poster-child for holiday cheer.
But, I overdo lots of things. Take my writing, for instance. I go crazy with have-tos and I over plan when I should probably just sit back and let myself enjoy the ride. At least some of the time. I love the planning, same as I do at Christmas. But, like Christmas, I need to learn when too much is too much. I need to recognize when I've done enough and it's time to go with the flow. I always think I have to DO everything. Sometimes, things work themselves out on their own. I don’t have to be in the center, micromanaging the life out of everything all the time.
It’s worked wonders for Christmas so far this year. I’m completely enjoying this season. Maybe I could inject a little more fun and enjoyment into my writing if I relax just a little there too.
Anyone else a micro-manager, over thinker, or general control freak? I suspect my inclination comes from the fact that the rest of my life feels a little out of control right now. You? Any tips to go with the flow in your writing? How about at the holidays? Anyone else enjoying this holiday season, any fun preparations?
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35 comments:
Am I a micro-manager or over-thinker?? Ha! Soooooo true. I don't usually have this issue at Christmas, but only because Christmas always happens at my mother-in-laws, so I don't really have anything to do to prepare (and not that many people to buy gifts for). Thanksgiving? Whole other story. The poor hubs found me down on the kitchen floor, trying to lay flat around the belly, with a scrub brush and soap and water, freaking out that the baseboards below the kitchen cabinets weren't spotless.
So yeah, a micro-manager :)
The last WIP I finished, I learned this lesson, I think. Now I just need to apply it to the next book. I had plotted and plotted and plotted and it wasn't coming together and I finally just wrote and wouldn't you know, in the end, as I was writing in that glorious rush that happens toward the end, it just . . . worked. There's something in my subconscious that knew what it was doing all along -- I just had to trust it and let it do it's thing as I wrote.
It's a lot of trust. It requires giving up control (eeeeekkkkkk!!!!!!!). But it works.
OK - now I KNOW Donna planted a hidden camera over here....
Marnee, I was out and about yesterday shopping for the spawn (with my color coded, prioritized, categorized spreadsheet - have I mentioned that DH and DS are Rainmen?), it being the first day that I had even a touch of holiday spirit. I was feeling as merry as I ever can, and determined to stay optimistic and cheery.
WELL! I could not believe the bad behavior coming from all sides! Snarky sales clerks, snotty customers, snarling drivers..... There was NO escape - except for in MY zone, of course! What the heck IS it about this time of year that makes people lose. their. minds?
At one point, I felt myself reach the center of my mental seesaw. Stay centered and full of the spirit of MY season (Christmas), dammit! Or succumb to the sirens of snark, poised over my shoulder, begging to be let out of their cages to Brendafy the nasties? I decided that I wanted to be in the minority and I cheered those people to within an inch of their lives. Did it make a difference to them? I dunno. But *I* felt better and that made me happy. Plus I got $10 off a giant Lego set......
The good thing is that I am almost done with this forced interaction with the shopping public and now I can attempt to change the course of my personal history by actually accomplishing all of the holiday treat making - see Hellion's previous post!
That and Heifer International will pretty much solve my Scroogism and get me on the path to holiday cheer! Of course the infusion of sugar from the continual "tastings" of what I will be creating in my kitchen won't hurt either!
And Donna, you better get that camera out of here before *I* find it!
Bren - One of my best friends works for Heifer. Great organization, isn't it?
I'm very proud of you, Marn. You've grabbed this holiday by the horns and wrestled it into something tame and sweet and loving. That is no minor accomplishment and you did it without even mussing up your hair.
I am a control freak, but not to the extreme that you and Hal describe. (Scrubbing baseboards? Really? I've never cleaned a baseboard. LOL!) I thankfully have this other gene that runs in my family - laid back to the point of comatose - that balances me out this time of year.
I have yet to get out the decorations, but almost all gifts have been purchased. Kiddo will be gone from the 23rd to the 1st of Jan, so I'll have plenty of time to wrap and get the house looking jolly before she comes back. Christmas on New Year's Day isn't so bad. I could probably catch some of the after-holiday sales!
About the writing - I've jumped back into revisions and I was going to reworked the storyboard to match the new synopsis, but then decided to just work on the scenes that need altered/deleted/changed and see what happens. One scene got changed up last night, turned out better, and I thought of something even cooler this morning that I'll add on tonight. I find a nice mix of plotting and letting it happen works for me.
Sorry, Bren--I don't have any hidden cameras. LOL
I truly believe the fun gets sucked out of the holiday season, not because of commercialism, but because of this "forced joy" philosophy that appears around the middle of November. As if you have to concentrate all of your happy feelings into a 6-week period. Gah. No wonder everyone walks around with gritted teeth.
Because not only do you have to be JOLLY every minute of every day, you have to buy gifts for people who don't need anything, cook more food than you would normally eat in a 3-month period, AND decorate your house with items that are consigned to the attic the rest of the year.
It's no wonder people feel like they're failing this time of year. They have taken on too many things to accomplish AND they feel responsible for everyone else's joyful experience (i.e., if you don't cook/clean/decorate/shop, then someone's holiday won't be "perfect", which means it will be "ruined".)
I would advocate something simpler, and enjoyable: Make food that you like because it tastes good, not because it's a holiday requirement. Buy a present because you know someone will enjoy it, not just to get it off the shopping list. Keep in mind that you're not directing a Hollywood production, you're creating memories for people you care about.
*jumps off soapbox*
Over-thinker? Me? You jest. Actually this blog is perfect...and a great reminder of what this holiday is really about. Not finding THE perfect gift, but spending time and doing the small things with your family and friends. I think we should always do more of that. That's what people remember most in the end. Though I do remember the year I got the Robin Hood movie--but nowadays, now that I have to shop and stress, now I remember if I actually enjoyed myself or if I was a basketcase the whole time.
I think you should buy the gifts for those who NEED the gifts and the rest of us who don't, we'd prefer your time and laughter.
Oh, and as for writing, okay, yes, I'm always, ALWAYS overthinking stuff and not having a good time when I am. You'd think I'd remember it's impossible to control the muse and you shouldn't try. The moment you do, she won't go any faster than a snail walk; you should just let her take the bit in her teeth and let her run.
Hal - I do that kind of manic cleaning before major holidays too. I'm going to try to relax this year. The people coming over on Christmas Eve are my DH's family and a few very close friends (practically family). They've seen my house. They know me. They love me. I've decided there's no need to polish all my air vents for them. Again. It can wait until spring cleaning.
I was writing in that glorious rush that happens toward the end, it just . . . worked. There’s something in my subconscious that knew what it was doing all along — I just had to trust it and let it do it’s thing as I wrote.
I need to just do this. I am a disgusting control freak, for real. I think I've gotten worse since having kids even. *shivers* I must be impossible to live with. Or maybe, the men in my life continue to function because of this. Either way, it makes this trust you speak of VERY difficult. I wonder though, if I were to embrace it as the place where I do just run wild and free, if maybe I might come to appreciate my subconscious a little better....
Mental note to call a shrink, see if my inner mind ramblings make any sense at all.
Donna - Tell us how you really feel. LOL! The problem word there is "perfect". That should never be a goal. Too much pressure! Shooting for "fun" or "happy" or even "interesting" is a much better way to go. And interesting means you'll have fun stories for years to come that when you think of them, they'll make you happy.
:)
From one control freak to another, Marn, I'm very proud of you. I'll let you in on a little secret - my control freak days diminished quite drastically when I was faced with 2 high maintenance toddlers. It was either relax a little or end up in the nuthouse!
I'm doing pretty well this holiday season. Lots of other little stresses to offset the usual holiday ones. I've tactfully and graciously avoided 3 attempts to guilt me into having various holiday parties or events that I just wasn't up to. I started on-line shopping and feel as if I've found a new religion! How simple is clicking a few buttons and sitting on my butt waiting for Mr. UPS guy to come. We've decided to rearrange several rooms in the house so I just shrug my shoulders when hubby and kids harp on the Xmas decorations. If they want the decorations up, my house has to be put back together. The beauty of it is - totally not my fault and they can't call me Mrs. Scrooge cause of it!
The really cool thing that's happened this year is we're concentrating on the fun Xmas movies and music this year. We listen to the music all the time and are watching all our favorite movies/shows. So we're still getting a lot of holiday joy without all the headaches for mom!
Terri, I agree with you completely about shooting for fun or happy or interesting. :)
However, the things I ranted about are things that I see other people do every year. I've been in retail for many years, so I got to SEE how people respond to holidays and I got to HEAR all their complaints. It always seems to be like a commando raid, with a "target" they need to "extract". LOL
If people were having FUN doing all this, it would be different. But everyone is miserable!
You can't control them all, Donna! LOL! Don't even try. Just look at them, shake your head, and go back to your rum. (You're right, of course, but we must breathe out and let it go...)
I've been listening to nothing but Christmas music at my desk for several days now. Surprisingly, I'm not sick of it yet.
Bren - Ugh. You just described every excursion into the shopping public I've had since the week before Thanksgiving. I seriously listened to a woman at the Thomas and Friends section of Target (my eldest is obsessed) complaining that they didn't have the newest trains--Bash, Dash, and Ferdinand. "They came out with the damn movie and they can't even carry the new trains at a major retailer." Grumble grumble, bitch bitch.
Ho ho ho, lady. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure why she was all ticked off, honestly. Order them online if your offspring NEEDS to have them. I did that with a few mine requested. Of course he picked the three trains that were discontinued and considered collector's editions. *eye roll* But I managed to get them for a really good price AND squeezed out free shipping. Go me!! AND, best of all, no snarky comments at the store to deal with. Hooray!!
Ahem. Sorry. Tangent. I've been way over-caffeinated this morning.
Great job keeping your cheer in the face of intolerable odds. :) I say if more of us do it, maybe we can make a dent in all this insanity. And yay 10$ off the Lego set! I love a good bargain.
I'm also looking forward to some baking in my future. Yumm....
I don't want to control them. :) I think they're miserable because they have taken on too many impossible tasks, and then they fail at achieving a certain level of perfection--so they beat themselves up.
We tend to do it with writing, too, as Marn mentioned. It's not necessary to do that.
So I'm advocating we go easier on ourselves. Have realistic expectations. Let things flow a little more. ENJOY ourselves more. :)
They’ve seen my house. They know me. They love me. I’ve decided there’s no need to polish all my air vents for them. Again. It can wait until spring cleaning.
*LOL*
Bo'sun - Thanks! I've been feeling a little proud of myself. There's still a couple weeks before Christmas though. Now, I just have to sustain myself. I'm going to be jolly if it kills me, damnit. :)
Decorations are another thing I've scaled back on. I've got all kinds of stuff and I end up getting stressed about putting it all up. I just picked my faves this year. The house still looks cozy. :)
I think a nice mix of plotting and letting it happen is probably my best option too. I think I've stretched too close to all plotting, not enough letting it happen/actual writing. I need to recenter myself I believe. Good luck with your revising! Sounds like good stuff. :)
Donna - Keep in mind that you’re not directing a Hollywood production, you’re creating memories for people you care about. EXACTLY!! This is exactly what I mean. :)
I think this is easier on me this year because of the kids. I loved buying for my kids this year. I know they're going to LOVE the stuff and I think watching their faces is going to be awesome, especially the oldest since my youngest is still in that smiley, meat with eyes phase. Pretty much everything makes him smile so I'm not sure I'll know if he really likes it or not. But the oldest? He's going to love Christmas this year.
Marn, I nearly choked on my coffee when I read "meat with eyes phase". LOL That is too hilarious.
Hellie - I think you should buy the gifts for those who NEED the gifts and the rest of us who don’t, we’d prefer your time and laughter.
I liked one of the sayings from the "Shit My Dad Says" page about this.
"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."
http://shitmydadsays.com/
I love that page.
I agree though. Time and laughter is way more important to adults than a new tie or a Barnes and Noble gift card. (Though I do enjoy B&N gift cards, don't get me wrong.)
And I love how your muse is a dog in your analogy. I wouldn't tick her off like that, Hells. Just saying.
:) But I agree. I always say mine is like a teenage girl, picking at her nailpolish and snapping her gum. I should know better than to try to cattle prod her. She's got, "DON'T PUSH ME" written all over her.
Marn - My child has turned into your muse. I'm not going to survive the next SEVEN YEARS of this. Can you buy a cattle prod online?
fun or happy or interesting.
This is my goal this year!! Exactly!!!
Irish - my control freak days diminished quite drastically when I was faced with 2 high maintenance toddlers. It was either relax a little or end up in the nuthouse! AMEN sister. :) LOL!!
I started on-line shopping and feel as if I’ve found a new religion! How simple is clicking a few buttons and sitting on my butt waiting for Mr. UPS guy to come.
hahahahaha!!! I love this. I totally agree with this too. Why should I bundle up, hoof it to every Target/TOysrus/Walmart in the tri-county area when Amazon carries the same thing? Maybe it costs me shipping but oh well. I'll pay five bucks for peace of mind, thanks. LOL!!
And we're listening to a lot of music and watching the movies too. Such good fun. :)
Donna - I’m advocating we go easier on ourselves. Have realistic expectations. Let things flow a little more. ENJOY ourselves more.
This is exactly the point of my blog today. Go easier on ourselves. We don't have to be PERFECT elves and our writing doesn't have to be perfect the first time through. Just relax, take a deep breath and be realistic instead of perfect.
This is exactly the point of my blog today. Go easier on ourselves. We don’t have to be PERFECT elves and our writing doesn’t have to be perfect the first time through. Just relax, take a deep breath and be realistic instead of perfect.
Excellent advice. :) I am embracing it wholeheartedly. I'm glad you posted this today.
Marn, I nearly choked on my coffee when I read “meat with eyes phase”. LOL That is too hilarious.
He's smiley though. Really smiley. All the time. "Oh look, she's looking at me again. *smiles in return* I'm not sure what I'm smiling about but clearly that's the appropriate response. Oh look, she's smiling now too. Smiling's my FAVORITE THING!!"
This is a wondrous thing, though, because my first regarded the world with suspicion, even from a very very early age.
Five months old: "Why is she smiling at me? Do I have something on my face? Is she laughing at me? I swear, woman, I don't understand this language you speak. You're trying to distract me in order to carry out some nefarious plan, aren't you!? I'm on to you, lady. Enough with the damn shaking toys too, they scare me senseless."
My child has turned into your muse. I’m not going to survive the next SEVEN YEARS of this. Can you buy a cattle prod online?
ahahaha!!
I bet amazon carries them They've got everything.
Donna - :) Thanks. It's not deep or craft-centric but it was timely for me.
I really need to work on my powers of description. My muse is a horse. *LOL* If you try to control the ride, she won't do anything faster than a bone-jarring trot (or that snail-walk), but let her have her head, and she'll run the whole time. But I'm always afraid of galloping too fast and falling off. *LOL*
A dog. I'm sorta shuddering at the thought because I know if my muse was a dog it'd be licking me all the time and peeing on my carpets, then leaping about the room and totally unbiddable. Ugh. Okay, maybe my muse is a dog now that I think about it. But I'd rather have the horse.
P.S. Marn, you need to tell your muse you're going to the mall to go shopping! Maybe that'll get her to step it up a little. :)
I like the shopping theory ala shit my dad says, though I'd probably make the cutoff about age 20 or 22. *LOL* Assuming they're still in college. *LOL* Once they actually have to fend for themselves, then you can cut the cord. Maybe.
I have to dash out to the grocery store, which I was trying NOT to do at lunch hour. So yeah, I'm gonna hit it dead on lunch hour. LOL
But I've got my holiday spirit to keep me sane!
Hells - Sorry! LOL! A horse then. :) LOL!!
And I think that's when we cut it too. I still buy for my sister-in-law and she's 20. But not my brother in laws, who are 28 and 31 respectively.
Donna - good luck at the grocery store!! If someone gets on your nerves, hum It Came Upon the Midnight Clear to yourself. Or to them, really loud. Either way it should drown out the nonsense.
The grocery store was pretty decent, considering how busy it was--I didn't even have to break anybody's eardrums with my singing! LOL
I managed to come home with more "treats" than I anticipated. LOL
Hey, y’all! I’m free of the deadline dungeon—sort of. I have another batch of articles, but these don’t require as much work, so I won’t have to spend as much time in the dungeon. I’ll be around a bit more.
Marn, I loved your smiley “meat with eyes” description. We had one of those too. He was practically born smiling, and at nine, he’s still a joyous spirit.
I’m feeling a little Scroogy this year. I haven’t read my usual Christmas books or listened to Christmas music or watched Christmas movies or shopped. I did go to my first Christmas party yesterday—an elegant luncheon complete with candy cane ornaments as place cards. It was fun, but it left me feeling sorry that I could never put together something that flawless.
Next weekend is a grand weekend, and I’m trusting that will put me in the spirit of the season. There will be reading of Christmas books and singing of Christmas songs and baking Christmas cookies and a viewing of A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Ter, I think we have a matched pair of Marn’s muse. I told the oldest grand (who is 11 but thinks she’s 16) that God made babies so sweet so that families would remember the sweetness and not murder the kids when they reached adolescence.
Geez. I got out my pink flamingo santa bobble head and I'm done. I don't know what to say about all the kerfuffle out there, save I'm not diving in, I don't buy it.
Oh, I'm not grinching, I'm just a huge fan of keep it simple!
Too many years of working retail this time of the year has completely stifled my urge to shop.
The writing is going good, but shopping? Prepping for the holidays!? Nope. I'm gonna help Mom haul out a box to give some color to her house before I leave.
BTW, she gave me a big bag full of letters I wrote her back in the 80s... TIME WARP! I can't wait to read these things! ;-)
I have to insert a totally random thought here, before I can forget it. LOL
I recommend the Trader Jacques "Milk Chocolate Salted Caramel Butter Cookies". YUM. They're obviously a seasonal thing, so they won't be around long. They're little rectangles of yummy goodness. Seriously, they're so small, I'm pretty sure they have NEGATIVE calories.
Okay, as you were. . .
I'm not a decorator either. I think I have a box somewhere in the attic of Christmas decorations, but I've been barred from actually putting any out (which is what I get for marrying a Scrooge). We leave for his parents house before Christmas and don't come back until after, so a tree seems like way more complication than I need in my life, if there won't be any presents under it :)
Next year, though, with a baby here, I'm going all out with a tree and Santa. I can't wait to start putting together our own Christmas traditions (as much as I love going to the in-laws, it's just not the same as Christmas morning in your own house, with your own tree!)
Donna - treats are good. And the salted Milk Chocolate thingies sound, well, yum.
Janga - He was practically born smiling, and at nine, he’s still a joyous spirit. :) This exactly explains my youngest. A joyous spirit. He's full of happiness and life. When he smiles, he smiles with his eyes. I joke about him but he's really so sweet.
We just watched Charlie Brown's Christmas on Weds. It's definitely a good one. I'm glad you had a good party and I hope the grands help you get into the mood.
Chance - I can't fault Keep It Simple. I do think that it's important to do things that make us happy or with the intent of making someone else happy. I don't like the idea that we do things because we "Have" to, especially if they aren't really needed/necessary.
Hal - We used to be like that, no decor or at least a little. And a tree? Lots of work for no real pay off. But with little folks, I go all out now too. And we're starting to put together the things that will be our family traditions now. It's really so much fun.
Janga - Can I send mine to you? LOL! She has her moments, but the attitude is just crazy. It's no wonder I'm going gray quicker than ever.
And HUZZAH! for coming out of the dungeon. I was really missing you. :)
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