Sunday, June 27, 2010
Your Life as a Theme Park
The lines were long, the butterbeer was delicious, and the candy at Honeydukes was exactly like you see in the movies. (Though I don’t think the Bertie Bott’s folks make the earthworm or dirt flavors any longer, so it wasn’t as festive as the boxes of beans I bought in 2007 that had those flavors. Soap was good too.) If jellybeans aren’t your thing though, there are bars of Honeyduke’s chocolate in case those nasty dementors (found in The Forbidden Journey ride) knock you out. There are also peppermint humbugs, fizzing whizzbees (these were sold out), chocoballs (I don’t know if they actually made you levitate), peppermint toads, chocolate frogs, and beautiful suckers. (I didn’t see any acid pops this time, but I imagine they’re around. They had pygmy puffs, but sold out of them the first day. And good luck finding a Harry Potter wand.)Next door in Zonko’s Joke Shop were sneakoscopes, screaming yo-yos, and a number of muggle joke items, like chattering teeth and whoopee cushions. The Owl Post could standard mail a postcard to you (which I did, complete with a Hogsmeade stamp); and Dervish and Banges was insanely crowded. Mr. Ollivander was everything you’d expect in a spooky wandmaker. Moaning Murtle haunts the bathroom, but she’s actually quite pleasant. The Three Broomsticks and the Hogs Head were both packed, but when you taste the butterbeer, you understand why. The Cornish pasties are really good too.
The rides are…well, rollercoasters. I’m not a rollercoaster fan. I have this gene from my mother, where she’d remind you of every headline about rollercoaster catastrophes, and most of the time on the ride, I’m mentally screaming, “I’m going to die!” This is even true on the kiddie rollercoasters. It’s sad really. The Dragon Challenge offered to let you ride the Chinese Fireball or the Hungarian Horntail (who was blue instead of black, but whatever). Clearly the only reason we picked this ride was because it was only a 10 minute wait. I can see why the line was short: no one repeated this ride. Once I was strapped in, my feet dangling over air, all I could think was: This damned ride flips upside down several times. What were you thinking? And we were off! I gulped as we climbed the hill, and then didn’t draw a breath as we dropped the incline and immediately began whipping around the park. I closed my eyes out of self-preservation. In my head, all I could think was: “This ride is 45 seconds, maybe a minute, breathe, breathe, OMG! OMG! Breathe, breathe, you’re fine, you’re fine, oh, thank God the ride is over.” I shook as I exited, looked at Susan, and said, “I don’t need to ride the other dragon for comparison. I’m good.” She was thrilled to know this.
Again, I repeat, the kiddie friendly Hippogriff ride wasn’t my cup of tea either. But at least I wasn’t so paralyzed that I could actually scream for the duration, unlike with the dragon. But my favorite ride, the ride worth going to, was The Forbidden Journey. You stood in line for about half your life, winding your way through parts of the castle. At first you’re not going much of anywhere. At one point, it dawned on me we were standing in the greenhouse, and Susan turned and said, “So help me if we’ve stood in line for 90 minutes and we cross that threshold and there is only a ride and no castle parts, I’m going to be pissed.” After that Dragon crap, you’ll understand I was suddenly very Zen. “Be cool. It’s not going to be just the ride. There will be stuff to see.” With such authority, you’d think I had already been on it. The doors finally opened to us and voila, Hogwarts. There were statues and the magical hourglasses that kept points for the houses. On the walls and in a big gallery, there were talking portraits. The four heads of houses were particularly entertaining; and though I’d never seen them in a movie or had them particularly described, I could figure out who was who pretty quickly. Salthazar Slytherin was deliciously nasty—I mistook him for Phineas Black (because they look rather similar, I think)—but that was immediately corrected by Helga Hufflepuff. You couldn’t mistake Godric Gryffindor; and the cool lady in blue with the crown on her head couldn’t be anyone but Helena Ravenclaw. We moved into the next room and saw Professor Dumbledore’s office—which incidentally is where I began hopping up and down and squealing. Books floor to ceiling in his office. The pensieve. The big phoenix statue.
In the next room we get to see Harry, Hermione, and Ron, who promise instead of the Professor Binn’s lecture we’re going to, they’ll be sneaking us out for a Quidditch match. (We get to play hooky in Hogwarts! How cool is my life?) Finally we get to the ride itself, after hearing the sorting hat sing to us about what the ride will entail—all in rhyme. Strapped into a bench and off we’re flying in a simulator ride with dementor and acromantula puppets. We get to see glimpses of the Chamber of Secrets and the Forbidden Forest. We get chased by a dragon and get to play in a Quidditch game. Good times. Couldn’t wait to do it again.
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter is definitely an ode to the fans. Lots of cute pointy topped houses with snow, which looks incredulous when you’re standing in 100 degree heat; and the Hogwarts train at Platform 9 ¾. The Hogwarts castle is supremely detailed; as is Hagrid’s Hut. I have little stamina, so by 2:45 on the second day, I uttered words that I never thought would come out of my mouth: “Let’s leave. I’m all Harried out.”
In fact, I’m still Harried out. I need a vacation from my vacation. But I did have a brief thought—in the midst of all the Harry Craziness—which was: I bet a theme park with Twilight would be crazier. I bet there would be a rollercoaster like the one at my local Six Flags called the Timberwolf. Wild, crazy, and ill-advised—and so has Jacob written all over it. There’d have to be a vampire rollercoaster, more like the Dragon challenge, where you flip over and over again, doing loop-di-loops and drop suddenly from several hundred feet. And I’m sure the simulator ride would have something that had to do with the Volturi and that meadow that started all the fuss. It would be insane. There’d be shops with dream catchers and shops with Indian knickknacks. The Italian restaurant where Bella and Edward had their first date. It would be chaos. Granted, if you want to go to Forks, WA, you sorta get that. But without the rides. Everything is better with rides.
If my Adam & Eve story were a theme park, there would be a rollercoaster of marriage ride (lots of screaming banshees in that one and deceptive lulls before air crushing drops), and a Lucifer ride where he’d by turns scare you to death and tempt you beyond all reason. His stores would feature every tempting but useless item your money could (and would) buy. And there’d be a sex shop. Eve would have a confectionary shop and sell pastries. Adam would have a golf store…and probably a golf simulator game ride.
So if your book were a theme park, what would the rides be? What would be featured there? If your favorite book series were turned into a theme park, what would have to be there to make it perfect? Anyone else want to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter?
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51 comments:
Wow! That sounded fabulous...but where the hell are pictures? Didn't they get one of you with your eyes closed on the suspended roller coaster, sure you were going to die!?
;-)
Wow, what would my series theme park be? Well, it would be an adult theme park...hee, hee. Lots of drinks, with a bar everywhere serving Emma's signature drink, the Rum Sunset. There'd be rock pool spas with waterfalls, au natural relaxing encouraged. Wonderful tropical gardens with nooks here and there for passionate rendezvous... Brilliant colors and blossoms, the scent of ocean and blooming flowers would fill the air.
And water everywhere, with a tall ship all night cruise under a full moon...again, lots of wonderful places to slip away with your sweetie. Or whatever sweetie might be around to cuddle with...
And kraken, kraken everywhere...keeping watch, keeping guard...holding the lube.
;-)
There I was, in the shower, getting ready for bed and ack! My character's name is Emily, not Emma! Sorry, Terrio...comes of corresponding with you reg. your story!
And I also realized...there is more to my book(s) than sex. There would also be costumes shops of every sort in my theme park, with a chance to be whoever, whenever you want. Ballrooms and dance floors with instructors, and conversations to be had on any topic under the sun and over the moon...
It doesn't all have to be about sex and sensuality...though come to think of it...all those things are sensual to me!
Carry on. See ya in the morn!
I didn't even catch the Emma slip. LOL! No worries, Chance!
I still have no idea what you're talking about in most of this. LOL! But I'm still proud that I got a couple of the references while you told me about this on the phone. You were clearly in a good mood as my ignorance didn't seem to bother you.
For the record, I love rollercoasters. Though I can't do the ones where your feet dangle. Not sure why, but those mess with my scoliosis too much and make my head feel like the top might actually blow right off. Pain you would not believe.
A theme park based on PLAYING FOR KEEPS would have to be a giant carnival, since there is a carnival in the book. (Thank you, Hellie, for this answer.) There would be that sledge hammer game (hit the target and make the thing hit the bell?) since Emma plays that in the book. And, of course, a giant Ferris Wheel. Since my story is so sweet, there would have to be a Tunnel of Love.
Then there would be the baseball stuff. See how fast you can throw a pitch, some batting cages, maybe a simulator where you get to pitch against the greats of the game, or chew out an ump, dirt kicking and all.
I'll pass on the Twilight park. LOL! I'd just walk around rolling my eyes going, "COME ON!"
Hellie, sounds like an amazing trip. I don't understand half of it, because I haven't read the books, and only seen a couple of the movies. BUT your enthusiasm comes through wonderfully, AND it makes me want to go, even without having all the background info. :)
I love the thought of a theme park for my books, but I don't feel as imaginative as you and Chance have been with this. LOL Let me ponder a bit more, see if I can conjure up something as lovely as both of YOUR theme parks.
Terri and I were typing at the same time! LOL I love the things you choice for your theme park, and I would definitely go because of the baseball things. :)
And when I lived in WA, the town of Forks was considered a nothing kind of place. LOL So it cracks me up that Twilight people want to go there.
Isn't that why the books are set there in the first place? Because it's a nothing sort of place? Vamps and weres were be a little more suspicious and harder to keep secret in, say, Seattle. Then again, they could blend in the big city. Maybe.
I think it was set there because it almost never gets sun! LOL It's in a rainforest, so it is REALLY wet and green. So Edward wouldn't get too many opportunities to sparkle. LOL
But of course. Keeping the sparkle to a minimum is a must.
Chance, I saw this on Twitter and thought you might need it (for your theme park employee uniforms! LOL)
Steampunk jewelry: http://www.etsy.com/shop/CatherinetteRings
Okay, the rings that look like eyeballs are freaking me out. But that stuff looks more like artwork than jewelry. Gorgeous stuff.
Chance is actually getting me to dress up in Steampunk stuff for an awards ceremony. This should make for some fun pictures.
I think Hellie's first day back to work may be keeping her busy. LOL!
It's more like Hellie's first day back on a vacation where she didn't need to be anywhere has kept her asleep. I'm wore out.
But I'm catching up. I'm sorry for the lack of pictures. You almost didn't have a blog. Which you have to thank Terri for. I'll try to dig out some pictures from my camera, but I didn't get any cool Forbidden Journey ones because for that ride you had to put your stuff in a locker and my camera was too big for my pocket. Susan took pictures, thank God, but I won't get those pictures until later this week.
Okay, 2nd, I've put in a picture--the ONLY picture of me I had taken--and no, I don't buy those pictures where you are on the ride. Not a chance.
A themepark of sex and sensuality and liquor? Sign me up. I bet the lines would be long no matter the time of year or how much time had passed.
Someone asked one of the Hogwarts re-enactors when would be the best time to return where the lines would be short, and he said, "September."
Terri, a simulator where you got to be part of the game would be AWESOME! (Though as a one on one, it'd be a LONG line wait.)
Actually one of the things I thought was coolest about this trip--besides the butterbeer--was the fact that everyone was from different countries. It wasn't a bunch of continental 48 states or Floridians. No, no. There were people from Amsterdam and Spanish speaking countries (okay, they might be the Floridians now that I think on it). It seemed everywhere I turned, people were speaking a different language and I was like, "Damn, they came from Japan/Amsterdam/Brasil to see this?"
No Brits though, that I could see. They'll probably wait until September when the weather is more reasonable.
Thanks, Donna! Those were pretty cool. I'm not a big fan of the eyeball stuff, but all those coils were neat. I wish there were pins... Pins are so nice for shirts, jackets, hats...
Terri - Long as I could learn about baseball at yer theme park, I'd be good. Since I know pretty much nothin' 'bout the game!
But I do like ferris wheels. Will there be a carousel, with fanciful horses and creatures from myths?
Donna, you'd totally need a Bridzilla ride for your book. You're strapped in, listening to the soothing tones of your wedding planner, and voila, a Godzilla in a wedding gown stomps on the wedding planner and starts destroying things. You barely escape with your life!
You're going to have to pay people to take that ride. LOL! Or pressgang them into it!
LOL, Hellie. I was actually trying to come up with a theme park for another book, my historical, and I realized it's more of a "fantasy camp" experience. :) Oh, and it was great to see a pic of you -- you look lovely! I think it's the first one of you I've seen.
I think I saw a contest about WINNING some steampunk jewelry. Lemme go back and see if I can find it. . .
I'm pretty sure you're wearing that same shirt in our pics from the Outer Banks. LOL!
Here it is: You have to kinda work at it though. LOL Deadline is June 30th
http://www.deidreknightbooks.com/newsletter_images/may10/deidreknight_loveistimelesscontest.pdf
Yikes! What a long link you have! LOL
(And wouldn't you know it, my Capt CHA code is CRAZ. LOL)
It is the same shirt. I'm going to cry when that shirt bites the dust. Fortunately I bought a couple Hogwarts shirts, so I'll be able to let that shirt have a break occasionally.
Thank you, Donna. I got to see my Deerhunter yesterday. I called him as soon as I brought in my luggage and plopped on the couch--when he realized I was home, he asked if I was up for company. I said yes and when I saw him, I apologized for looking like I was dragged behind the plane on the ride home but that I'd been up since 2 am and wasn't exactly with it. He assured me I looked "beautiful." Then he looked at my luggage and said, "You haven't unpacked?" "Dude, I told you I walked in the door and called you."
I have no idea what the Deerhunter anecdote has to do with anything other than I think you and him are both blind, but I thank you just the same. And Terri's right. That is my same shirt and you'll probably see it in future vacation pictures of me.
It's a wonderful anecdote. I know *I* would be thrilled for someone to call me up as soon as they got home, before they unpacked. :)
*I* would be thrilled if anyone were willing to provide me with "company".
LOL!
When it goes, I say you frame it. That shirt has seen a lot of places. I bet it's in your Chicago pics too. LOL!
I'm sure it is. *LOL* I was thinking of Chicago. I like that shirt. I feel like a pirate in it.
I need some new clothes. *LOL*
Love the blog, Hellie! I read it twice and then read parts of it aloud to my sister, who is yearning to visit Harry Potter World but now thinks she'll wait til September. LOL!
I think my book would have to be a country fair instead of a theme park. You know the kind with lots of craft booths and homemade baked goods and preserves and jellies on sale. There's be an artist drawing charcoal portraits for $20 and a makeshift bandstand with a local band--but a good one--playing country and bluegrass. The only rides would be a hayride and pony rides for the kids. There would be a booth selling Dori-inspired quilt portraits, and a Max lookalike could man the kissing booth, with all profits going to the local library.
Janga! I love your theme park! See, a hayride is much more my speed. *LOL* No death defying drops. Deerhunter asked me if I rode the Hulk ride--his favorite "it goes 0 to 70 immediately!"--"UM, NOOOO, I did not ride the Hulk. Are you insane? did you not listen to me say I nearly died on the KIDDIE Hippogriff ride?"
Oh, I forgot to add that there is something to buy everywhere. I got shirts and a Snape keychain, but there were adorable stuffed animals too that I was dying to get, like a Buckbeak, a Crookshanks, and even a Fawkes.
This blog should come with a translator.
Janga - I'd totally love that theme park. Except, can we get Keith Urban to man the kissing booth? LOL!
This blog does come with a translator. It's called THE BOOKS. Go read them.
A Keith Urban KISSING Booth? Can you imagine the line for that?
I don't need a translator, Hellie, and I'd love to have a Fawkes plushie to keep Flennery, the Orange Bunny, company. :)
Ter, if Nicole allows it, Keith Urban in the kissing booth sounds great to me. I bet the local library could increase their romance collection by 500 percent from the contributions.
You should get the Buckbeak too. He was TERRIBLY cute. You could see why Hagrid was so partial to him. *LOL*
Nope, I'll remain blissfully ignorant. LOL!
With permission, of course. But it's not like we're taking him home. And as you say, it's for a good cause.
BTW - That train in the pic looks really cool. Did you get to ride it?
No, it wasn't a ride. But it did blow steam every so often and whistle. Also there is a bell tower--crap, I didn't post the picture, *sighs*--across the cobbles from Hogsmeade station where at the quarter hour, a bronze owl flies out of the top steeple part and hoots.
The chocolate frogs you can buy look exactly like in the movie. One girl figured out the cards are the heads of the houses, so she spent like $60 (each frog is $10) trying to get one of each house. She succeeded. I haven't opened my frog yet to see which one I got.
Are you telling me you are in possession of a chocolate frog and you haven't even opened it? I'd have eaten that before I got back to the hotel. LOL!
Okay, so I might have a *little* addiction...
It's wrapped in a PRETTY box. No, I haven't opened it.
I never pegged you for one of *those*.
Hey, just finished some revisions I was seriously avoiding. . .to the point that I think I broke my HOA.
Anywho. . .who's in the Kissing Booth now? (I figured there had to be a shift change.) Is it the slippery fellow from yesterday's Hottie shower?
Donna, thanks for the link, but any contest that complicated isn't going to fly in my book! Give me a form to fill out and I'm good.
I love all the terms and that Hel actually knows them all and can use them in conversation. Klingon, anyone!? ;-)
I love theme parks and it sure sounds like Hogwarts was a blast...
Kissing booths? HA! My park has...uh...well, different sorts of booths...
I just realized the longest line in Chance's park is going to be at the condom counter. LOL!
Donna - That boy is worn out from yesterday. I vote we put Ryan Gossling in there now. Or Luke Perry.
Terri, if he's worn out. . .send him over to my quarters. I've got some, uh, VITAMINS, yeah, that's the ticket. Vitamins. To speed his recovery. :)
I'll allow Ryan -- not sure about Luke. I'll let you test drive him and report back. LOL
Oh, and won't they just give out condoms at Chance's park? Or throw them like at Mardi Gras? LOL
Yup, they are scattered everywhere, like confetti.
Though given my druthers, I'd cast a spell over the entire park...no worries about unexpected babies, no STDs...just nice slippery fun.
That is a FANTASY camp. I'd go. *LOL* There better be showers where you can have shower sex and none of the awkward positioning...you just "OH, look a convenient spot for me to stand!"
Oh, you bet. Non slick places to perch, slippery places where appropriate. As Emily says to herself at one point, "Hollywood Caribbean. No bugs, no fleas, no overt humidity...total fantasyland."
I dis reality whenever possible.
Considering it's still 100 degrees here, you had be at "no overt humidity."
Not the totally safe sex?
I know where your priorities are!
;)
Sad, isn't it?
I don't go, "breathe, breathe" on the rides. I go, "Don't pee. Don't pee." :)
That's a sound mantra! ;)
Unfortunately, I think my "theme park" will be a MENOPAUSOLEUM........one room will be burning hot, the next freezing cold, everything will frustrate the CRAP out of you and ALL the characters inside will be as annoying as possible. There will be INSANELY hot guys and you will mysteriously not want to bother with them, all the meals will come with five pound bags of M&Ms and you will wear a diaper the entire time in case you need to sneeze. You WILL however get coupons for free new whisker plucking, one pair of industrial strength spanks in your choice of black, white or camo (for those big meeting days) and a high tech recording pen so you don't forget what you were just about to say.
Sound fun? LIVIN' THE DREAM, baby, livin' the dream!
I could sure use that pen.
What are spanks?
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